For The 97% Of Introverts Stifled By Personality Culture
My Newsletter: benjaminantoine.substack.com
If you're an introvert and you are struggling to find your place in the world you are not alone, in fact you are in demand.
- I first heard about the shift from a culture of character to a culture of personality from the historian Warren Susman. It’s something I had sensed for while but hadn’t been able to put it into such succinct words myself.
This shift took place during the 20th Century - a change that opened a Pandora’s Box of personal maladies. He wrote “The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer”. And so the projection of a perfect public persona obliterated the importance of how one behaves and most importantly how one feels in private. -
This video discusses Introversion & extroversion. I dive into how I define an introvert and detail how I can enjoy social event and gatherings even when large groups of people are involved. It's about find that perfect balance which is different for each and every one of us.
Concepts discussed in this Video:
Introversion, Extraversion, introverts & extraverts, personality culture, personality, character, culture, socialisation, socialising, the social role, the social world, human connection, communication,
Chapters:
00:00 - The move from Morals to Magnetism
01:35 - Introversion & Extraversion defined
02:32 - The cycles that I go through
03:25 - How I deal with social situations
05:11 - What people are craving
#introvert #introversion #personalityculture
Good morning all. This is a topic which has interested me for a very long time, and I feel like I've gained clarity on it in recent years....Thanks for watching
I discovered this several years ago. One of the keys is Peter D'Adamo's Eat Right For YourType. I thoroughly recommend it.
My Sundays start great when there is a new reflex on life from You, Ben! I like this one very much. I call myself an introvert and a "på-tuman-hands-människa". Wish I could translate that! One good friend is the best company, and even new people are most enjoyable when one at the time. 🙂 Greetings from my home-districts kzhead.info/sun/lLCkY6quZ6Guin0/bejne.html
@@DNA350ppm thanks a lot. It was a beautifully sunny day there. ☀️
@@britingermany Advent schon und Neujahr bald! Alles gute, dear "Bentoine". Immer neue Anfänge, halten uns 'busy'. Bis demnächst! »Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne, der uns beschützt und der uns hilft, zu leben.« Aus Hermann Hesse: »Stufen«, 1961
Thank you for continuing here on KZhead. I really appreciate your ability of observing the world around you and sharing your Insights and experiences.
Thanks for being here
Thanks so much for a very insightful video! I view myself as an extrovert, yet the very best parties I've been to were the ones where I spent the entire evening sitting in a corner, talking to one person only. Mindless chatter about nothing at all can be so draining, and spending time with people who define their carefully curated image by what they have and "market" themselves accordingly is just a waste of time. Give me a slightly nerdy type who reads and is able to express themselves in a coherent manner without incessant talk about money, cars, designer handbags etc anytime! After an evening spent in such company, I usually become the quiet introvert the next day - just to digest all the golden nuggets from the conversation. Thanks so much again, Antoine - you're right: we need the introverts - for connection and for some of us, also personal growth!
My sentiments exactly. I was married to an extreme extrovert and, as an introvert (according to your definition with which I agree), it was not the best situation. Please note the word "was".
Great. Sounds like you are in better place now😀
This was very perceptive and well-balanced. It definitely resonated with me. I think this subject is something that more introverted people often reflect on, but it would be refreshing if more extrovert types also did so. It seems that introverts are too easily stereotyped as anti-social or loners, which is a lazy and overly-simplistic interpretation, and are routinely expected to 'join in' or 'cheer up' in order to conform more with extrovert expectations and behaviours.
Yes I agree. I think we don’t hear from extroverts so much because the assumption is id you are outgoing and upbeat socially everything is fine…people don’t think to dig deeper.
I agree with both of you. I, too, prefer the small group or one-to-one and particularly appreciate those who can carry on a good conversation
@@pamelagartner3759 I relate to that to as well. It's ironic that people who sometimes struggle to get to grips with small talk are considered to be somehow socially awkward, despite small talk being inherently based on superficial and trivial interactions - essentially meaningless. It's so much more satisfying to escape the crowd and have more meaningful and deeper discussions in a smaller group. Haha, introverts unite! (But quietly, please, in small groups and at a safe distance.)
Guten Morgen! Und schönen zweiten Advent!
Danke dir und gleichfalls
@@britingermany Danke! Ich schick Dir mal mental einen großen Becher heisse Schokolade und eine ganz große Tüte Buttermandeln!
@@sisuguillam5109 awww das ist ganz lieb 😀
@@britingermany 🥰
OM Goodness! You hit the main vein today!! Introvert here working in mostly extroverted enviros - what a challenge. Prefer exclusive situations with one or two intimate friends but more are usually so awkward. Beautiful footage seen through appreciative lense again. Thank you Benjamin 😊
Thank you. yes it can be extremely draining to work in extroverted environments. I hope you've found a good way to cope with it.
“The nature of large groups is that the interactions are very superficial and very surface-level“ That’s very true, thanks Benjamin for sharing this. But don’t you ever feel that you miss chances to get to know new people through large groups?
I don't think I have ever go to know anyone through a large group...if there's any spark of interest then the "getting to know" part has always happened outside of the group.
There is a very in depth look at introversion and extraversion in the Collected Works of Carl Jung Volume 6, Psychological Types.
Professional nightmare for me: the frequent 30-minute breaks and 2-hour lunches at conferences, symposia, seminars etc. 😱
Yes I can understand that. Kind of a case of gritting the teeth and getting through it. I have had pleasant experiences in those kind of environments but it’s never something I look forward to
Wow! WOW. This was like someone on KZhead telling MY story.. from the two hour timeframe for social gatherings, to the recharge time etc. Thank you for making me not feel weird anymore.
Glad the algorithm connected us then. It doesn't feel like it but I think there are quite a few of "us" out there
Have you happened to see the Adam Curtis documentary series "The Century of the Self"? Your intro reminded me of this BBC documentary series which was so mind-opening for me when I first watched it at 18.
No can't say I have. But thanks for the tip
this subject is a perfect one and so deep to handle. it's like a thesis that you're doing in this video. omg. thanks, for all.
Thank you. Appreciate it :)
Thoughtful, insightful, enjoyable work as usual. Thanks Ben.
Thank you. Glad to hear it
Thank you so much for this video. During what is a really stressful time for me I really needed to hear this. I am very much like you in terms of socialising - two hours is about my limit and there only so many conversations I can have before feeling totally drained of energy. This is particularly true with any work related events which I try to avoid totally because I know that it will involve a lot of booze (I don't drink) and the gibberish conversations that go hand in hand with that. Even someone with a particularly loud voice I just can't handle it. I'm often accused of being stand-offish and rude because I decline certain social events that I know are going to be draining. The few actual true friends that I have fully get it as they know me well but with work colleagues this can create all kinds of issues. My attitude in any job I do is that I am there to work and my colleagues are not my friends. There are rare cases where one might become a friend so the very last thing I want to do is socialise with any of these people. Do you agree that it's important to keep you work and private life totally separate? Thanks again for all of your videos!
Yes I prefer to keep work and private separate. If I were to socialise with my colleagues I would have not for my friends outside of work and seeing as I’m with my colleagues for 9-10 hours a day it’s nice to have a break from them 😉
Really fascinating Benjamin, I'm a pop in, pop out kind of subscriber. I'm going through a crisis at the moment (an aggressive neighbour moved in and now I need to find a new place to live as I don't feel safe, and it will take time - I don't have the option of moving quickly). I saw the thumbnail and it sparked my curiosity. I see some comments below suggesting the content was super deep in this video and I'm like, ahh, you're just scratching the surface, go deeper as I was so appreciative, felt supported by what you were describing. I've been able to have deeper connections with a lot of people that I meet by the way I speak as a person, I drop into sincerity and deep thoughts as part of normal conversation and they usually get excited or express thoughts of 'you lifted my day'. Though, it doesn't go further than that one time conversation or being 'friends' in a broader social network and I'm looking for that spark people have of just 'oh, I like you, I like you at the deepest level, I can't help it, I just do' and it's a healthy (speaking generally) person to be in a friendship / relationship with. I.e. They have character and lead with that and they have a spark for me. I feel I need to think about this Warren Susman idea a lot as it brings me a lot of pain that I don't have anyone living nearby or that I'm in contact regularly that fits into the 'they just have a spark for me'. I've met a lot of people in healing spaces (e.g. chronic health issues or trauma and healing from these) and they are earnest and are doing the work to be the best people they can be - but that 'spark for me' is just not there even in these groups. So, a yearning I have is just how would I meet people who lead with character and have a spark for me, I feel like that's been my life long quest... (now as you say it with this video). So, cheers (I could actually even say more on the topic of luxury retail as I observed the same thing when I've spent time in relationships with consumers in this category - it would hurt me as they would choose the products over deepening the connection with me).
Thanks for your comment. Sounds like you've had some really interesting experiences with the "healing spaces". Hope you can find some like minded people soon
Thanks for introducing this topic. I also enjoyed the video snippets you added. Not sure anymore if I am what others call extrovert or an introvert: At any gathering I really like to find something in common with every new person I meet, probably to have a conversation and not just small talk, but probably also to remember them better. I've been told I ask good questions. However, after a few hours, 3 is my limit - I need to go somewhere where I can be alone for a while, if possible, to go home. That annoys my partner to no end, even after almost 50 years together because he likes to stay on to be able to talk to everyone there. So now I always make sure I have enough taxi money 🙂 on me should it be late in the day. Have a cozy Holiday Season. May it be as gemütlich as you like it!
Thanks a lot Connie, and happy 2nd advent :)
I prefer small groups or one to one connections. I find big groups intimidating and I do not like to be the centre of attention. Thankfully my job is mainly working in this situation. Thanks for this video. It was very interesting indeed.
Thanks for watching and sharing your point of view. I appreciate it 🙏
Thank you for this video about that interesting issue 👋
Thanks for watching 🙏
Actually, I'm feeling so introverted at the moment, that I don't even want to comment on that beautiful video =] ... It' s always the lowest point of the year for me and I love to be at home, to read, to cook and eat well and to watch videos like yours. However: Most Germans tend to be in a hustle exactly in that period of time ...
Well thank for for commenting. I appreciate it. I do hope you enjoyed a cozy Sunday afternoon
As an introvert myself I agree with your perspective. More than chasing for unneeded abundancy, it seems wiser to take out the time and process what you really value.
It does indeed 👍🏻
So true, it is quality not quantity of the people in our lives that matter. I've become more introverted as I age and have become wiser.
Just started to watch the video. At 0:57, I hope you went to have lunch at Playa Bollullo - my favourite spot in Puerto since 1990! I love that place!
haha was it that obvious?
@@britingermany😅 I just know Puerto very well. And that Teide view is simply magnificent!
I enjoyed your video, very perceptive.
Thanks for commenting
Guten Tag Benjamin, wie immer, sehr eloquent und aufschlussreich. Liebe Grüße aus Frankfurt Nordend-Ost. :)
Guten Abend. Thanks a lot and many greetings back
I´m an Extrovert and what i learned at shool is how the Door looks from Outside or how to focus that much on drawing that i can ignore 30 people in the room (29 were classmates),becouse thay are not there for Sozial interaction. 5 Years ,many Autodidactive learning and shool quiting later, i had to Quit University learned Programming by my selfe and still drive this road from home. Nice to be in this society lonly as an Extrovert.
As an autistic extreme introvert, thank you.
Thanks for watching 🙏
I, despite considering myself being outgoing, feel the same about large events. Going around and exchanging small talk and pleasantries is not my thing. Also most people are not interested in getting to know each other but tell others how well they are in whatever thing it is. So I like to get to know people I am not interested in being the dumpster for their self selling only. If I encounter those people I move on after listening for a while and then excusing myself to go for the next person or smaller group hoping to find someone that is more interested in mutual exchange. But that is the thing in a society of self centered people, I guess.
I think it's generally down to the group setting. It's difficult to be open or vulnerable in a large group setting. Most people are projecting a facade. It's why I find smaller groups or 1-2-1's more fulfilling.
Whilst I agree with most of what you said, I must beg to differ on the statement that you needed to prepare mentally before a social occasion. I firmly rely on the philosophy that spontaneity brings out more enjoyable exchanges with others. I too would define myself as an introvert, or as my good lady says " a loner on my own terms". My introverted nature is also exacerbated by being slightly deaf and in a crowd of more than 6 I lose most of what someone said 2-3 places down the table. Also, like you, I recognise that the social interaction between larger groups tends to be superficial. Not being one for quick one-liners or riposte I see that what people regard as "banter", often deteriorates into a "p*ss-take".
Interesting point. I’d say I’m 50/50 on the spontaneous thing. It depends on my state of mind. If I’m on holiday for example and I don’t have anything planned a spontaneous social event can be very enjoyable. However after a long days work it might be a bit of a different story.
People of herd mentality follow mass gatherings, which is very superficial, no deep connection etc. Can you make a video comparing life and work in China and Germany?
I was in China such a long time ago that I don’t think it would be accurate to make a video about that anymore….
❤
The worst small talk is the smallest: someone asking You "How do You do?" and immediately walks away not even expecting any answer from You ... ok once You learn that this was never a real question but only a pattern (in the English speaking world), it becomes less disturbing eventually. But it is these superficial nonsense that I also try to escape (in any language) - waste of time. Thanks for insightful observations!
Thanks Jan. 🙏
Hope You enjoyed Teneriffe. ❤
I certainly did.