Why We Love to Suffer
Masochism is the belief that one is secretly deserving of punishment. Whilst sexual masochism can be fun, emotional masochism - which is much more common - often stems from unexamined trauma.
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“The word Masochism derives, somewhat unfairly for him and his family, from the Austrian 19th century aristocrat and writer, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. As a young man, Leopold made a conventional marriage to a fellow member of the nobility, Aurora von Rümelin, but he swiftly discovered that his sexual tastes could not be accommodated within the relationship. When he was contacted by an admiring reader, a Baroness Fanny Pistor, under the ostensible excuse of seeking help with her writing style, he was able to discover a whole new side to his sexual identity. What he wanted most of all was that Fanny would dress in a grand and imperious-looking fur coat, flog him, dominate him and treat him with haughty cruelty. He wanted Fanny to call him ‘Gregor’, at that time a popular servant’s name - and when they travelled, despite being far wealthier than her, insisted on being forced to sit in third class while she took her place in first…”
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Thank you so much for this, I have discovered a lot about myself from watching this video
Thanks a lot for this very helpful lesson! For those of us who suffer from it, here is an insight that I have found very helpful: If you honestly think that you are too disturbed to be in a healthy relationship and if it is something that has always made you feel miserable, you don't have to be in a relationship. Being in a couple is not the only possible way to be a loving, caring and generous person. If I remember properly it was Stefan Zweig who said that we have our love inside us and we give it the name of someone. So instead of calling it by the name of one person, you may as well name your love "humanity" and try to love and care for as many people as you can. People like Matthieu Ricard or David Steidl Rast live this way and they seem to have very meaningful and fulfilling lives. I highly recommend checking out their TED Talks! But if you have hope and you wish to work on yourself , I am sure that psychotherapy can help to a certain extent. That's why it could be very interesting to listen to " real therapy sessions" with people who are in a similar situation. " Dear Therapists" where two wonderful psychotherapists, Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch treat a patient on each episode, is seriously a life changing podcast! These episodes are particularly moving: - Scott's Wife's Affair - Two Therapists and a Monk - Elena's Cheating Husband -Shrina's Broken Heart - Also the episode "Small Town Affair" from Esther Perel's wonderful podcast " Where should we begin " is really eye opening. She is one of the best couple therapists in the world and these are real therapy sessions with real couples! I wish everyone a healthy and fulfilling 2021!
Sexual masochism and emotional masochism are linked.
Sounds like every person with low self-esteem is a masochist. I wonder if that goes for most depressive persons, who rather hurt themselves than let their anger out to others. It self injury a part of masochism? It's hard to say yes to loved ones and plans during lockdown, if they say no to me...
are you guys telling me that the stories of gruesome stories of rape, and the made up things she said about my mother not-wanting me, had a long term impact on my genophobic mind?
Masochist: PUNISH ME! Sadist: NO!
😂🙌🏼
Masochist: * confused yes ? *
😂😂😂👍🏽
LOL
Haha! Epic
School of Life general plot.. Q: Why are we weired? A: It begins in childhood
Lmao yeah!
🤣🤣🤣 It’s funny because it’s true, in every single form
But its true
School of Life general plot.. Q: Why are we weird? A: YOUR PARENTS
What i dont like about all this horsefart is they dont give solutions. Just like the guy gabor maté he'll tell you that you are a victim of your childhood and you'll always be a victim wich is very wrong
“A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort” -Gillian Flynn
:'(
I read that as "A child raised in prison considers harm a comfort."
H--l 4:02-4:26 late capitalism can do that to a lot of us as well ;I
💔
Damn. Great quote.
School of life: What is Masochism? Me: Should I have known that? Oh, I should be punished.
what is masochism? A: its pretty hot ngl
neither, delete your account and you'll feel immeasurable pleasure!
UwU
Oh that’s me lol
When an emotional masochist is loved by someone, s/he feels disturbed at the core of his/her heart as being loved feels unfamiliar and fake, hence s/he must get away from the feeling by denying the value of that person.
They
I think this is moi
Interesting
@@alextudor7688 literally either way is correct
@@crappyaccount they is the proper pronoum for plural third person... isn't it..?
This is the first time I've heard of Emotional Masochism but it makes a lot of sense
Damn .
yo i watch youre vids
At this point I hope we have all understood that it is utmost crucial to raise our children with only love and make them feel heard, understood and appreciated.
The single most important thing any human being can do who show true, unselfish love to a child.
nah for me there still needs to be some boundaries, if a child only grows up with being fully loved and cherished then that is what they will expect in life. When they're older, they will be very naive and easily hurt in relationships, until they will eventually realise what life really is like
“One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.” ― Aldous Huxley
An external locus of control will get you nowhere, look it up
Sounds like Trumptards.....
So can one be conditioned to believe one believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them?
“You deserve all the good things that happen to you. Don’t feel guilty and accept the blessings.”
My inside masochist yells to you as hell - stop this sentimentality, ive heard it billion times already
“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” ― Carl Gustav Jung
“You will inherit your parents’ trauma but you will never understand it”
That's such a good observation
Jung was always one of my favorite psychologists. Freud always seemed to miss the mark.
I love that I can still get inspired by new Jung quotes years after ive discovered his works
@@HeadCannonPrime Freud did contribute alot to the field, and founded psychoanalysis
It all goes back to childhood... as with most psychological issues
Love your videos Reyna 🕉
It's honestly very true with childhood, but some of us probably had a horrible childhood and became this way.
Aisa nahi hai behen
I can't find anything in my childhood that caused masochism tho?
i was a masochist in childhood and now im opposite.
Was smiling in the first half, and then frowning in the second when I realised that I was an emotional masochist, not a sexual one. 😂
I'm the opposite. I might even be an emotional sadist, to an extent 🙄😇🤐👀
im both
that's the first time i hear this term an emotional masochist, Is it always a cause of bad parenting ? like how someone could end up a masochist ? sorry if this question was personal, But i asked out of interest and curiosity.
“Accept yourself as you are. Otherwise you will never see opportunity. You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving”
Who said this??
how do u accept yourself?
I lowkey hope there'll be more videos based on other things like this. like a video based on why people are into or what can cause people to be a dominant
kzhead.info/sun/arlxksyCf56oiYE/bejne.html
or a video on why people tease people they actually like. :/ it's confusing, specially during childhood.
YES PLZ DO A VIDEO ON THIS^^^
Noone: School of Life: your Childhood bruh
It's refreshing to see someone clarify the difference between sexual and emotional masochism. Just as much to indicate how unhealthy emotional masochism actually is.
Discovering that you're an emotional masochist really hits you deep But I hope that we start making change , seeing the beauty in ourselves and believing that we deserve the WORLD , because we really do and we should never feel guilty for being loved , accepted or appreciated You are already great and will be even greater 💪❤❤💪
It is crucial to work through past trauma - otherwise all kinds of adverse effects might be the result
I’d rather live with these adverse effects than go through the horrific adversity of scrutinizing past traumas.
@@joudal-hourani6279 And the trauma remains latent and brooding for the rest of your life...
I feel so relieved that it’s totally normal to be masochistic.
it's not, get some treatment
Normal is relative.
i think it's quite common these days, but nowhere near normal.
I think it is very normal! More people than you think are masochistic.
@@ejsbxbeiaskd1770 that doesnt make it normal as in fine. You could say the same about depression.
There is some kind of a dark comfort, sensation of safety in feeling the desire for someone to hurt me. I've felt this since early childhood and could never quite understand it. Why would 5 yo fantasise about being tortured? Maybe it's like i only deserve affecion when i suffer?
I'm not a emotional nor a sexual masochist. I simply like the sensation of certain types of pain. I'm emotionally quite stable and never use it destructively. I can see myself using this in a sexual/bdsm contest but I think it's important to understand that for many people doing s/m isn't sexual even though the context might be.
Thank you TSOL. I am an emotional masochist and I would love to learn more about it and perhaps on emotional self-sabotage through another video or article. I want this year to work on me and I hope to gradually become emotionally balanced.
Masochism is really fascinating I think. I mean a Person does seek his own distruction in a way and gets into a sexual trance from being in pain. Human beings are just fascinating
Trust me, is hell on earth :))
“Fanny” is a really unlucky name, especially for such a history.
Exactly
Could be argued that it's lucky
Be a good name nowadays, since we invented plastic butts
Damn, this video is another example of tackling a very profound and important aspect of human's psyche and not getting to the root of it. Yes, it is true that it's linked to a traumatic childhood experiences, especially with parents, but masochism (alongside many trauma bonding phenomenons) isn't exactly because people "think bad of themselves, so they think they deserve it", it's just the outer layer of it. The fundamental of this phenomenon is that our subconscious mind is craving reliving a traumatic experience in order to find a relief and closure in it, it's also one of the ways of informing our consciousness where our problems are and what needs to be adressed. A week ago you had an episode about EMDR, which is EXACTLY linked to the essence of this phenomenon and you just decided to forget your own content. PLEASE, put more emphasis on your research, rather than regularity of your uploads, because this is not some entertainment content, this is PSYCHOLOGY, it's about the very basis of what we struggle with as human beings and for some people mental health can lead to very dark places. PLEASE treat what you're tackling with necessary respect. Cheers. I'm still a fan of your channel and I'm not trying to boycott or critique for the sake of being arrogant, but I'd like you guys to be more cautious with what you're putting out, because these things can influence people's mind STRONGLY. Yo.
It's up to the viewer to understand their own 'inner' layer. In other words the actual trauma that has caused a problem. This video can help people on that journey. Everyone's experiences are unique so this will never be a size fits all.
@@randomguy19954 I feel like you didn't read my comment through. I didn't say that everybody's trauma that caused it has to be the same or has to manifest itself in identical behaviours. I'm saying that the mechanism of why it causes a group of effects hasn't been tackled the way it could have been, to give an insight to the nature of it.
Didnt this video just pealed the apple for me now i must eat it myself? I mean im ok with that
Thank you for posting this. I am having trouble understanding some shit about myself, and you pointed out a critical nuance I missed in all of my self-criticism. i feel it just like you put it, when i couldn't find my own words.
Thank you so much, though the appreciation is so much beyond words. It's the best channel ever. You can't believe how much help you do to the world.
to gen z, being self-deprecating is a form of emotional masochism😶
Thankfully I am mostly mature enough not to do that, though it is highly annoying to have to hear it 25/8 from nearly everyone in my age group. If I had a dollar for every time someone said they'd kill themselves over every minor inconvenience...
Being a part of gen z I thought they were woke, but nah. Just a bunch of deflecting cry babies.
"it takes a village to raise a child. and should they fail, the child will burn the village to feel it's warmth." - an older African Proverb
Wow.. thank you never thought of this before. I am so grateful for your guys channel
Existence is painful and that makes everyone a masochist
No, if we were all masochists we'd be happy/content with the pain. I know I'm not
That sounded like a deep statement but in fact it's not 😂
The answer is: Markiplier
He just wants to see if he can handle it
HAHAHA OML I WAS SEARCHING FOR A COMMENT LIKE DIS
Exactly the comment I was looking for, ngl
I seem to have missed out on that one.. Can you elaborate?
@@Azoctoph he’s an internet guy that had a bit about not being a masochist but wanting to be slapped etc just to see if he could handle it. There’s a few memes about him
Thanks to the boys I appreciate the support of the best work I would like to write a note 📝 .
Good job on the visuals!!!
Thank you for this video.
When it comes to the topic of kinks, they're usually not taken seriously enough. What we desire sexually has a lot to do with deep-rooted psychological programming that's developed over a long period of time and it says a lot about us on a psychological level.
Thank you! So many people ignore this because they want to get off to humiliating others or wanting to be humiliated themselves. It’s NOT normal and actually so sad
Loving this voice!
Thanks! I learned something interesting today
this video is beautifully made!
Going through National Service in the military, we were drilled to "enjoy" the training. And so, we passed the culture down to the juniors. We became masochists and sadists during the service 🤣
I'm a sexual masochist but my childhood was very good. My parents were and still are very loving. I was even spoiled quite a bit lol... Could it be because of other factors in early life other than the parents? Like school and kindergarten?
Unbelievably beautiful illustrations
I came here wanting to know if I was saying masochist and masochism right, but left knowing about it. Great video
It's hardcore procrastination
No one: Markiplier: *iM nOT A MAsOchIST*
Great topic!
Thank you for inspiring me to start my own KZhead channel, the School of life!!🤗❤️
19 year old here. I'm 260 + days clean and I can tell you it's the best choice I've ever made. It allows you to apply all your intuition into something that you are really passionate about. For me, that's my channel and working out! I got a SR video comin this week, hope to see some of y'all there!
Can't wait to see the video about the other side of the coin, good old sadism
The ouroborus of codependency. Repetition compulsion sublimated ever marching to the fulfillment of the others' malevolent narrative. Understand, and you are liberated.
THE SCHOOL OF LIFE: The school I need
absolutely brilliant animation!
Yeah I realized last week I had normalized feeling like shit. So for years I looked for relationships that made me feel shifty. It's what I thought was normal. It's not. I will not seek to feel pain.
Thank you I enjoy your channel
Very interesting, thank you
Amazing video. I just subscribed!
I think we all are in a way Masochists. We do things we know are bad for us, but still do them. Like eating junk food, having a sedentary lifestyle, getting in relationships with the wrong people, being lazy, etc.
I don't agree. A sedentary lifestyle is not masochism although it can have consequences.
I don't think these things are liked to masochistic tendencies - rather, we are just a bit stupid and myopic.
@@timr3621 hahaha I agree. I was actually using the term "masochist" very broadly
so glad they finally made a video about us souls players
Wonderful channel, just subscribed to it.
"Pain 😍"
This channel is so great. Who funds it?
As emotional masochist, I find great soothing in physical pain (in safe, consensual setting). Flogging 2 times a month stops me from seeking emotional suffering
That I will not terminate my suffering (and thus terminate my life) demonstrates that I am a masochist.
...I feel justified in calling this sexual anomaly "Masochism", because the author Sacher-Masoch frequently made this perversion, which up to his time was quite unknown to the scientific world as such, the substratum of his writings. I followed thereby the scientific formation of the term "Daltonism", from Dalton, the discoverer of colour-blindness. During recent years facts have been advanced which prove that Sacher-Masoch was not only the poet of Masochism, but that he himself was afflicted with the anomaly. Although these proofs were communicated to me without restriction, I refrain from giving them to the public. I refute the accusation that "I have coupled the name of a revered author with a perversion of the sexual instinct", which has been made against me by some admirers of the author and by some critics of my book. As a man, Sacher-Masoch cannot lose anything in the estimation of his cultured fellow-beings simply because he was afflicted with an anomaly of his sexual feelings. As an author, he suffered severe injury so far as the influence and intrinsic merit of his work is concerned, for so long and whenever he eliminated his perversion from his literary efforts he was a gifted writer, and as such would have achieved real greatness had he been actuated by normally sexual feelings. In this respect he is a remarkable example of the powerful influence exercised by the vita sexualis be it in the good or evil sense over the formation and direction of man's mind. *Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing (1840-1902) in his book Psychopathia Sexualis*
And whats about sadism? Where is the difference between Marquis De Sade and the author called Sacher-Masoch?!
@@ao1920 Sadists like to inflict pain and Masochists like to receive it. Many of these types are Sado-Masochists i.e. they are both.
@@anonb4632 ok lol
the outro girl's voice is heavenly.
I'm subscribed to The School of Life to listen to Alain de Botton speak
Love this
Interesting! Awesome video
"What is the cure for such a disorder?" *Beating*
Thanks
"Naughty , naughty" - Borat
It's what you're not into when you're seeing if you can handle the pain.
What
Thank you, may I have another?
Awesome video as always !! Did miss Alain’s voice tho :/ Thanks anyways !!
Can you actually just be a sexual massochist and not an emotional massochist or the other way around? To me is both, and they kind of feed of eachother. It doesn't seem plausible to me to separe it them. It's kind of the same thing to me.
I hate myself for not knowing this already. I should be punished.
how did you put the emoji next to your name?
@@arrietty1619 it's because I support School of Life as a paid member.
Our adulthood is mostly the reflection of our childhood. There has to be some roots beneath everything.
Awww I feel sorry and very sad for these people.
M happy for you that u are not I always wanted to see a Psychologist but sadly i can't m from a really closed minded Muslim familly so i can't even talk about it (Btw sorry about my fuck up English )
@@emnberhil2525 Do you have an Instagram ?
@@pianobysarochka728 yeah imn_ackreman
Excellent 👌
I’m here as a last resort… I know he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t give me reassurance or affection that I beg for but the scraps he does give me I THRIVE ON. It’s disgusting. But I can’t help myself.
I wish it had been in hindi.. trust me.. u will receive great response to that..
I came here as a joke but the video actually helped me a lot... thank you
Ok um...... I've always thought that I was a romantic that only liked the idea of love but not love in reality and I've never liked people being close to me but I just might be messed up and an emotional masochist. Wow 🙃
So how do we differentiate between neediness (where the other person doesn't love us and sees us as a natural resource) and true love? You often seem to imply that human beings are really incapable of understanding the difference. As if realising true love is something we have to learn... I think that's bs; differentiating between love and neediness is like differentiating between blue and red. No amount of social conditioning or fear can take away this ability...
Could you guys do a video on the philosophy of Baltasar Gracian if possible? 😄
Can someone please tell me who the beautiful female voice is at the end? I've been trying to find out for years.
I don’t remember any violence or hate as a child just a lacking of attention I felt like the mother of my siblings growing up.
Saw this on my notifs and got scared
I didn’t expect that I’d be weeping by the end of this video but thanks? Lmfao personal development is quite a trip :)
What is masochism? Isn't it when working class people vote for the Tories?
How is procstrination caused or conneceted to masochism? Is it that we take pleasure in that resistance? I can imagine for example I pick unavailable person to love since thats how it felt when I was a child? Or I look for perfection because I could never do good enough. But how does procstrination fit there?
Question for ppl who r commenting quotes: do ya'll remember them or do u search em up?
I think i have emotional masochism but my parents where completely loving and caring ?so where did it come from ..i may have experienced some bullying but could it play a factor?
Every time The school of life uploads I prepare a bunch of napkins because I know I'm gonna WEEP
So that song venus in furs from the velvet underground is coming from that book, interesting.
Being a working class conservative voter.
I still think Trump can win this election!
I know right? instead, they should support the globalists who outsource their jobs and livelihoods, people are simply crazy.
@@SuperWillAC lol
@@eaterdrinker000 How about now? Lmao Get rekt
@@Faust_saint : Well, now I'm sure that Trump lost in 2020, and only won in 2016 due to a technicality!
This is great but I want alain's voice back.
No! This woman has very soothing voice, please don’t unnecessarily trouble people.
@@say2Sudhanshu I never said she has a bad voice . I just miss alain's voice. I understand our opinions might be different and I respect yours.
Aaaah this voice is just not the same
My Mom use to say all the time , I would never bet against that kid. Have a great weekend .
Masochism is not a good philosophy for a happy life. I may be biased being a stoic channel, but stoicism is the one!
can you define and describe stocicism please?
I literally just saw your channel on another channel in the comments lol
@@llama__5128 To me, stoicism is relinquishing the things that control us. No longer allowing our environment or our emotions to overrun our lives, so that we can take control of that which is within our power, such as our words, actions and decisions. It is acceptance that we were born to live in accordance with nature and not to be ruled by circumstance. It teaches that there is a power within us all too strong to ignore
It's not a philisophy!
@@vanoulious It’s an all encompassing thing. Stoicism is very much a philosophy for each individual, in the true sense of the word :)
99 answers out of 100 questions: Childhood.