How to Mortify Borderline, Psychopath
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Narcissist mortified when shamed and humiliated in public, in front of sources of supply or people he looks up to.
Narcissist reacts with narcissistic injury to loss of supply.
Borderline reacts with injury or mortification to abandonment or engulfment.
Psychopath reacts with narcissistic injury to frustration (he is goal-oriented, but unable to delay gratification, is impulsive and reckless), “losing” (or not “winning” in a power play or mind game like gaslighting), and being played or conned.
Narcissistic Injury
An occasional or circumstantial threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).
Narcissistic Wound
A repeated or recurrent identical or similar threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).
Narcissistic Scar
A repeated or recurrent psychological defence against a narcissistic wound. Such a narcissistic defence is intended to sustain and preserve the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).
Narcissistic rage has two forms:
I. Explosive - The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.
II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) - The narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and is plotting how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damage the work and possessions of people whom they regard to be the sources of their mounting wrath.
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Idk how people see these traits early on in a relationship and go forward with having kids. My narcissistic and psychotic ex husband tried so hard to get me pregnant I had an iud put in without his knowing. He threw away birth control pills saying i took them and would hide my nuvarings. After 10 years of living that life one of the smartest things I ever did was evade have a child with that man. It helped I never wanted children however he’s the reason why. I didnt want to become my mother…
Cause very rarely people think long-term and very rarely people think about a future child's well-being. They want instant gratification and "gains" they have from the relationship, swipe all the red flags under the rug. Weak, crazy people.
Some will even get to the point of brainwashing themselves into sending their kids to the abuser thinking just because it's theirs they care. Some people can't see reality as it is and they are equally as responsible as the abuser for enabling such behaviours but society will simply label them as victims if they are women, completely disregarding the needs of the kids.. Truly sickening since both operate from selfish motivations and deserve to pay for their actions.
@@syn2072 totally agree!!
Same like you. I had the doubt this was something i wrote myself.. ❤
Professor you are an absolute genius! Quite the opposite of frustration today! For some reason I looked at this video today and I have discovered that I have mortified my narcissist into submission and quite possibly near death. and The reason being, I totally embarrassed him in front of all of his friends in person and on speakerphone. Holy rage of Hell came out of me and the look on his face was one of total shock and awe. He thought I was trapped in his town because he picked me up but I took an Uber 100 miles to my home. when he tried to text me I'd lambasted him so bad the fire of all mighty Hell went through that text message , he has always been afraid to talk to me on the phone for fear of retribution and now he is afraid to text me. I am through with the beast shashanem ❤️🔥
What does shashanem mean?
Years passed and you still getting better at things you do! Respect:)
I think the common underlying root problem is severe pain ... either from lack of love and empathy from parents ... or severe assault on their self esteem as a child. I think it all ... all ... of it comes from putting up a shield s o they cannot be hurt again but still pursuing their physical and social needs.
As long as you keep showing up to class Sam I will to ! Appreciate this channel greatly. Thank you .
You are a unique source of information. I am a hobbyist of personality disorders and love how you bring in the academics finding to life with actual in sight.
You are awesome. Thank you for your work
Dr. Vaknin what a coincidence. I was just looking up if a psychopath can be mortified. I have my answer now. Thank you.
Love you work sam, thank you.
Thank you Dr Vaknin. ❤
Alot of agression. I defeated the "smartest man". Thank you Sam. You just dig right in. It's been almost a year since I went no contact and you're just preparing me for when narcy comes back to feed. I'm different now.
Love you’re sense of humor😂
I love For your sense of humor I look forward to your videos
Very helpful, thank you Prof.
Thank you for your wisdom, Sam. I am self diagnosed borderline possibly ptsd. My psychiatrist gave me zoloft and seroguel 25 mg. I know recognize my crazy. I enjoy your videos. Your explanations are spot on. Combining these, NPD, Borderline, psychopath disorders seems logical IMO
how is the Seroquel working?
@@kristoffseisler2163, very very well! I sleep better and the anxiety and paranoid voices as well as abandonment fears are mostly gone. I feel sane.
look into transference focused psychotherapy as your next step:)@@blindhopeDiana
I’m a healing codependent borderline and it’s so tough to even begin to grasp I have narc traits. It’s so shame inducing that spirals into despair, it makes it hard to function. I’m at a loss to how to heal as the therapists I’ve worked with haven’t helped.
same here, my therapist claims I've BPD, however I've been noticing a lot of npd traits match thing's ive done/thought. I guess the only thing that's a strong hint my case is BPD is that my self-perception changes like 5 times a day
I am CB and I find this useful. I use the lows as motivations for highs, so really it's just cycles
LOL, Sam. You are hilarious and I truly enjoyed this vid, you hit the nail on the head. But even better is to get them to mortify themselves....🤺 bring on the mega pints. 🍻
If you know their worst insecurity and mock them in front of people who they value. That's their achilles heel.
I called my narc stepmom a gluttonous sloth!!
Sir you are a Godsend to me. For 12 years I have battled to get my siblings who are also the executors of my parents estate to pay me my third inheritance. Fortunately I have the law on my side and managed to collect sufficient proof of wrong doing. Now the legal team are dealing with them and I have withdrawn completely. They are stacking me and tried to discredit me for many years. I have reached the point that I do not care any more. If they don't pay they go to jail. I can not wait for this case to be settled. So that I can move on. Knowing that I have freedom of choice to live the rest of my life my way. My mother was a covert narcissist. Both my brother (golden child/sociopath) and sister (trainee covert narcissus) are now fighting a losing battle. I was the scapegoat always trying to figure out what is true and what is real. My dad was the super empath and at 7 I consciously decided never to be like my mom and only to copy my father. I attracted a lot of sociopaths and narcissistic in my life but after one marriage decided to go and stay solo. I avoided my mother brother and sister and my dad started cottoning on and protected me in later years. My siblings even went sp far as to corruption my only son and confused the life out of him. Now he has seen the light and are getting a grip on the truth and reality. Thank you for your videos and the information knowledge and skills you transfer. It saved my life.
Thank you!
Did you say, “MEGA PINT”?? 😂😅
Dr. Vaknin referencing the Depp/Heard trial 😊
Only sorry to see it wasn't a mega pint of red wine. I think there was no other less obvious way to try and guilt-trip JD. Ridiculous. Red wine was one of his smaller problems I guess
When your ex was the narc/BPD it's bittersweet if you go on to mortify them by going on to live your best life without them. I feel like most of these people should be pitied rather than seen in a combative way, because many of them are the way they are because of trauma. If you stop petting the hyenas after losing one hand, why would you then tease it in revenge and risk losing another? It was Nietzsche that said take care when fighting monsters that you don't become one. These people aren't monsters per se, but they can act like one when 'protecting' themselves. Animals like cats will claw your face if they think they are in danger, even if all your intention was to pick the cat up to stroke it. 'Grey rock' and working on boundaries and your own codependent tendencies are the best way to deal with cluster B personalities.
@@noself7889 you can hate the actions while realising that they are stuck in a terrible situation themselves. That doesn't mean you like or agree with what they do or how they act. Imagine for a second you had a mental illness that caused you to do these things to the people closest to you, your life would be a complete mess. Revenge isn't going to help you. Just seperaring yourself from them does, even though that can be difficult, but some responsibility lies with the person who keeps going back to people like this also. Perhaps because of our own traumas we can end up getting into relationships with people like this over and over again, or keep going back without noticing the red flags because we don't want to notice them. However you are criticising someone for lacking empathy, when you have selective empathy yourself, there's a certain amount of irony there. I guess personally I don't see the world in black and white and so I think the word 'evil' isn't very useful since it labels the person more than the actions. If you don't want to be like them, then you have to be better than them. Carrying around hate, hurts the person carrying it more than anyone else.
@@noself7889 psychopaths and people with NPD etc have certain drives that they can't control, they are aware of their actions in a lot of cases and semi-aware in others. I mean, a person suffering because they are addicted to gambling, heroin or cigarettes will be suffering because of it, but they are also 'aware' of their actions while still not being 100% in control of them. BPD and NPD for example most of the time they aren't aware of the reasons for their actions, but are aware of their actions, other times they have their own belief about why they do what they do but aren't necessarily accurate or lie to their selves out of guilt/shame in the case of BPD. I'm not saying people who have these conditions are good people even when they do bad/evil things, I'm saying they are just people. They do have a mental illness and in most cases they end up doing those things because they haven't received the help that would prevent them from doing so. Despite that, I agree the best thing is to give them a wide berth so you don't get caught up in any of those actions. Co-dependence as a condition can make that difficult since Co-dependent people tend to be drawn to people with BPD, NPD, again and again, in that case the Co-dependent person also needs to work on their own mental health, in order to avoid repeating those kinds of relationships or going back to the old one.
@@Xanaduum one thing to remember that the professor mentions in a video is that there actions and behaviours often result in the partner becoming co-dependent. the professor mentions the most healthiest of partners can succumb to their behaviours (love bombing etc) so to the part you mention responsibility for the partner for coming back. reconsider how much responsibility with this in mind.
@@solomon3321 similar to the responsibility of the person with BPD, the person with Co-dependency still has some responsibility for their actions. It is a grey area, indeed. But without any responsibility there is no recovery, that goes for BPD, NPD, Co-dependency, all of it.
@@Xanaduum the person with bpd often has co dependency issues which they inflict on the partner. This partner now inherits it from them. The focus here from my perspective is making the individual with bpd reflect on their actions and get therapy. The person that now has the Co dependency issues due to the bpd isn't the one that needs changing as they're the victim of bpd.
If my psychopathic neighbour has been stalking me and the police don't listen claiming it's all a coincidence, what am I to do. Can you advise me?
So, what I’m getting from this is: covert narcissists and psychopaths are more likely to stalk, without let up, more vindictive and passive aggressive and plotters. The Boderlines are likely to become angry and even violent ,possibly for decent amounts of time before returning to baseline (and likelier to regret it once they do come down). And narcissistic (overt) are likelier to run from it and not return to the source. I’ve been stalked (mostly online, at first and for years) it has escalated to some physical stalking in recent years. And the description of the covert narc/ psychopath reacts and actions against someone who has angered or frustrated them , hits the nail on the head of what I’ve experienced ( from a distance bc I have no interaction and want none whatsoever). It’s to the point the continued stalking and interference has resulted in police reports, having to have means of self defense on my person- at home and while out. And it just keeps going with no sign of stopping. It has even been to their detriment in many ways. Even that hasn’t deterred it. I’m pretty convinced I’m dealing with some coverts and an actual psychopath or two. It’s a family situation that has reached unbelievable levels of pathology. Even to the extreme detriment of having conversations and a relationship with a family member they claim they so want…. The stalking,etc continues and no amount of reason ceases it. As a matter of fact trying to reason only escalates it.
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I became mortified and awakened to my disorder when i ruined my first relationship. I discovered i had been orchestrating it from deep deep down its like i wanted it. They are painful memories and i do not delight them. But i am grateful i can contend with my bad nature in a positive way for the sake of my wife and children that i love very much. Thank you sam for shining a light on my deeply complicated mess. I am a narcissist by the way lol.
Can narcassists love?
Cluster B might even give a knife as a gift with "hasta la muerte" on it. A warning as to the literal meaning of 'mortification' or death. You would only be free of them if you die perhaps?? A real stalker move.
So if psychopaths do the gashlighting, the mind games, the goal oriented game and etc, in oposition how do behave a narcissist? I thought the gashlighting was common in both personalities...🤔
When they are under control, they go from 0 to nothing. They act acbirdiengly if they wanna get their way
Don't u think now ppl have excuse to blame stuff on other, my ex was narcissist , my friend was bpd. How can be u r absolutely sure that u did 100% good but other person was sick. U hv mind blowing knowledge so can u plz share something on it?
hahahah It made me remeber my father who is a very narcisic psycho. I'm border, so I loved him so much, I gave my life into his hands but he constantly made me turn into something 10× worst like him. I've mortified him a lot in these situations and received all his love in my face or my bodie, with punches and iron belts for educational purposes. It was a pleasure, I was a kid growing till my 1.9m who can learn and he is 1.6m dumb so he could never break me as much I did him inside. Of course, he made my life hell without a drop of real affection, we had food and study and that's all. It was not worthy or intentional, my worst moments were provoked because I just spoke the truth about that abusive reality where me and my sister were just kids into.
One question Prof. Vaknin: can compensatory narcissist also sulk( give the silent treatment ) or is it reserved for factor 1. narcissist ( psychopath ) ?
Scary.
Exactly
I'm a Borderline who was in a relationship with a Narc. It ended 6 months ago and I'm still seething at him. After I was discarded I found out he set me up for group sex in which I had no desire to participate. He used me for money and expensive dinners/booze, cheated on me, devalued me, lied to me and smeared me after I revealed the "group experience" to one of the wives ( who was cheated on). He has since been with about 6 other women ( the third since me has just revealed she's pregnant) and Im fairly certain his male "best friend" who he sets up these women for gang bangs. . I can't seem to help myself, but I keep watching these women he dates and try to expose him on fb (when ive been drinking). It's so frustrating no one believes me
I feel so out of control....but I know I'm not lying or exaggerating....
@@kris_ty685don't do that... You only hurt yourself.. I never do this, but the thoughts also stay anyways with intense urges to reach out, so we're fucked either way 😂
If nurtages just to what they can get away with
Thank you for the video! It is really enlightening to hear about it! Especially that there are way less valid materials on youtube about psychopaths and their behaviours, than there are about narcissists. I would be happy, if you could share some more of your knowledge about the psychopaths! Do you think that, if necessary to discuss some difficult and potentially frustrating subject with psychopaths, it is better to do it indirectly, for example per email or text messeage, in order to avoid potential agression?
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A normie's 'understanding' of NPD: "I didn't like my ex. Therefore they were a narcissist."
A normie doesn't know what NPD is. I sure didn't until i felt the full wrath
@@caolanmaria2184 You're right except that normies sure THINK they know what a narcissist is! Lol.
Lol so true - or translates, they didn’t let me cheat in peace
@@GoldTau-cd5hd A lot of people actually really do just think almost everyone is a narcissist. In reality they're at most 5% of people. Probably 2%.
😂😂😂
Could you do a video on borderlines as parents? Do they abandon their children or is this narcissists only?
Or do they just try to drive off a cliff with you in the car?
Ty
So there's many videos on the fact that many bordelines, especially women, are dissociative secondary psycopaths. But are there videos on why exactly they become this way instead of becoming a secondary narcissist? Why exactly they're in so much internal competition, and the best way to overcome the war between self states? If there is, what's the title of the video, please?
Search the channel for “protects”.
God you are good 👍
God is all good.
I can't find the link for the counseling services?
It is there now.
I did it, (female sibling) without even realising, I would never try to hurt anyone on purpose, butit happened, Im now disowned and abandoned and dismissed from her life (good) Im still recovering because after 50 years of abuse, Im free!
Physcopaths yep, escape! They become physcotic.
Prof. Vaknin, how can you tell when a person with BPD is also comorbid with NPD? And, how can you tell when the person with BPD acts in a psychopathic way? Generally speaking, what would a person with BPD say/do when they are behaving psychotic? I have reason to believe someone very close to me who has BPD also exhibits very serious signs of psychopathy when they are mortified.
BPD is borderline psychotic by default. Many of the behaviours of BPD are the same as NPD, so it doesn't need to be comorbid with NPD to be at times indistinguishable. It is very rare to find someone with BPD to admit or even recognose this themselves, but you do find some of them, when they are actively recovering/getting the right therapy etc.
@@Xanaduum That make sense. I think we often worry about an actual diagnosis when we should be worried and aware of the behavior. I also agree, that they (BPDs) very rarely recognize this in themselves. In my case, the person with BPD is fully convinced of their victimhood and believe that I’m an utterly horrific and abusive person. I suppose BPDs do not like boundaries or people calling them out on their highly toxic and destructive behavior.
😂😂😂😂 uhhh like insane shit
@@Xanaduum I can admit that!! I connected the dots in a crazy way.... I agree 😂 it's crazy what mortification after years of psychology, philosophy and sociology can do, I had like a moment of like wtf.... Not like shame, it was like panicked clarity 😂 My defense mechanisms TRIED when the shame kicked in after, when I looked up a sam video to explain her bpd behaviour, the explanation of BPD was so uncanny it was like he peered into my soul. That video has sort of made me look into it further and further. It's very hard not to lash out. Idk how to explain it other than a "compulsion", that builds with an IMPULSIVE end, because it's hella stressful to keep putting these recurring thoughts you can't put down, because of emotions, the emotions that come with are the issues.. Even if you start sane, logic, and understanding, you're brain splits them and slowly like "debates" you, or maybe we're addicted to it, or it's such an engrained pattern you can't help it.
I want you to teach me everything you know! From what you say I may be a psychopath idk. But let's figure out together. And in the meantime I can just learn everything your brain has to offer. Yeah. Let's do that.
Wondering about how many of those 3 personalty types would actually go to a psychiatrist for diagnosis/treatment.. Gather like anything you have to hit rock rock,thinking most will just circumnavigate their entire lives..
😂😂 yes, I'm trying my hardest. rock bottom. 6 years of self isolation. It hurts man. I realized I was a bit unhinged, I'm trying to fix my shit... I don't want admiration, I want a hand 😂
Why this game of winning Is so strong?? Then how to release them Out of ur life,,?? Without mortify them!!
You go 'grey rock' and work on boundaries and you own codependency.
Those of you that survive 😂
Hello, I am another victim of a narcissist🙂
PS enjoy your mega pint H2O
I am a female with a lot of narcissistic tendencies. Dated a younger guy for fun, then recognized he was a typical borderline (with a toxic mother) and that was a typical NPD-BPD relationship. He started to act so crazy that I still cannot believe, stalking, throwing tantrums, breaking into my house, ghosting, hoovering etc. Blocked him everywhere and, of course focused on getting my supply elsewhere. But we have a few mutual friends (flying monkeys) so I witnessed a lot. After me blocking him everywhere and stopping going to the places we can meet, he started acting up, making crazy parties, changing friend groups, becoming friends with obviously damaged and low-quality people, his hygiene habits became gross, lost at least 7-8kg and literally looked, sounded and acted like a meth addict. He’s getting better and tried to hoover twice again, once via my business contacts, once in personal. Obviously, you can tell he is interested in yet another crazy roller coaster. I was polite, but declined, then left. Thank you professor, after years of researching narcissism (so I can regulate myself better) I found you and your work is exceptional. There is no other author that digs so deep and intelligent. Great work.
A Mega Pint? 😆 Johnny is a narcissist, isn’t he? Perhaps they should have had Sam Vaknin evaluate him.