The Hidden Dangers Of Social Media - Jonathan Haidt
Jonathan Haidt is a Professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, social psychologist, and an author.
The kids are not alright. Mental health is plummeting while anxiety and depression is on the rise. Just what are the contributing elements? Is it social media? Helicopter parenting? 24 hour news? Or something else?
Expect to learn why every generation complains about the next one, what is so important about the development of kids between 8 and 12 years old, what the biggest problem is with test scores in primary school children, the real harm of technology on kids, why words like ‘trigger’ and ‘fragility’ are such a problem, if there is a way to do identity politics well and much more...
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00:00 The Uniqueness of the New Generation
01:10 What Does a Good Childhood Look Like?
07:06 Changes in Parenting Styles
10:59 Lack of Discipline in Modern Parenting
15:16 The Importance of Risk in Play
20:47 Is the Education System Ruining Kids?
27:16 The Problem With Ideological Academia
30:45 Latest Data on Social Media’s Impact
38:47 Primary Harms of Technology on Kids
46:12 Is Social Media Use Addiction or Compulsion?
49:48 How Boys & Girls Use Technology Differently
56:46 The Male Sedation Hypothesis
1:02:37 Are Gen-Z Bothered About Status?
1:12:34 Latest Data on Female Mental Health
1:17:31 Why is Anxiety the Most Prevalent Feeling?
1:21:11 How We Solve the Teen Mental Health Crisis
1:28:04 Where to Find Jonathan
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Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 The Uniqueness of the New Generation 01:10 What Does a Good Childhood Look Like? 07:06 Changes in Parenting Styles 10:59 Lack of Discipline in Modern Parenting 15:16 The Importance of Risk in Play 20:47 Is the Education System Ruining Kids? 27:16 The Problem With Ideological Academia 30:45 Latest Data on Social Media’s Impact 38:47 Primary Harms of Technology on Kids 46:12 Is Social Media Use Addiction or Compulsion? 49:48 How Boys & Girls Use Technology Differently 56:46 The Male Sedation Hypothesis 1:02:37 Are Gen-Z Bothered About Status? 1:12:34 Latest Data on Female Mental Health 1:17:31 Why is Anxiety the Most Prevalent Feeling? 1:21:11 How We Solve the Teen Mental Health Crisis 1:28:04 Where to Find Jonathan
Thank you.I'm truly enjoying this simplified breakdown of the devouring mother, and why the parent must necessarily fail.. as if they succeed In protecting them from everything, they failed their child In being able to deal with anything... oxymoronical As it is it is the truth. And I appreciate it put in terms that more people will be able to digest❤
Oooo. A 'free' reading list! Sweet, Chris. I'll get right on that.
See it all, but from around 5 mins in
kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids........ why is everyone always talking about the friggin kids? why is it ALWAYS all about the kids!?! Geez, not everyone is a parent, or even wants to be one, but noooooo, we are all steamrolled by all the parents and wanna be parents completely OBSESSED with the kids. I'm tired of it. I don't about your kids.
@@peterbelanger4094 So there's a very important reason Everybody's talking about kids.Whether you want one or not you're economic prosperity or lack of will be in their hands in your elderly age( And this extends to possibly the very salvation of your life/health. the question becomes, do you care about yourself? It is self-serving In your particular case to know what is going on with these kids, EVEN if you don't ever have children, as you will be reaping the benefits of other people's children or detriments for that matter( And you didn't have to do any of the work, all you had to do was listen to us Try making them the best We could, so they're able to manage your situation). Remember when you're in the retirement home MY children are the ones that will be taking care of you, So again the question is, do you care about yourself and would you like to have a competent person taking care of YOU When YOU Are unable to? Another plausible thought, but less directly linked To your immediate surroundings, is if these kids have no idea how this economic system we have works, they step in and destroy the economic and political structures Your life falls apart as well. Would you like your retirement to disappear everything you worked Your life to save, gone in the blink of an eye?.Whether you like kids, whether you want kids, whether you have kids doesn't matter, they will dictate the end of your life, at least the last 15 to 20 years of it. These two reasons alone are pretty good evidence of why you should want to know what's going on with these kids...
My school board is looking to ban cellphones. I listened to this podcast, shared it with my teacher; my teacher shared it with the principal; the principal shared it with the entire staff within our school. They loved it! And the solution that Jonathan Haidt presented is exactly the thing our education board needs!
That sounds insane, nice
Excellent, that sounds like the line of school I want my future children to go to.
It's not enough to ban phones. I didn't know this until I worked as a substitute teacher a few years back, but they now start kids on "chrome books" in kindergarten. Instead of engaging with each other and the teacher, kids are now with headphones, isolated from each other as they play computer games that are supposedly intended to teach academic skills, but really just teaching immediate gratification, as if we need more of that. I'm not sure who's more at fault, the lobbyists of Microsoft and all of the software companies, or the gullible, lazy parents who have allowed this. I've wanted to go to the school board to complain, but I know it would be fruitless. When I've brought this issue up with other parents they basically shrug their shoulders or even defend it. My fellow "conservatives" need to realize that transgenderism and women's sports is just a diversion for the real atrocities going on in schools.
Do check out the schools in the news recently in Ireland, I believe it is -- they removed all phones and saw a huge turn around and benefit (kids are much happier!). Their approach was to bring parents on board.
Look up the strictest principal in London
When you give your child a phone, you're not just giving them access to the internet and the whole world. You're giving the internet and the whole world access to your child.
It is called propaganda. I see parents tell children: I used to do this as a child instead now kids are taught through phones what's right and wrong and most parents would start agreeing to this!! What happened to maturely talking to kids about importance of other people and relationships, no they'll learn it from social media or bad parenting as I might say
Yes but good luck trying to get your young child to go without a phone these days
@@brianmeen2158homeschool and flip phone until 18 years old just like my folks did for all their kids
And artificial blue light that acts-not like-but as a drug on the human brain.
Be a parent! They don't have a right to a phone
Haidt is a legend. As a 33yr who didn't understand Gen Z culture, The Coddling of the American Mind gave me insight on why the generational changes happened. His new book was sold out at every Barnes & Nobles in the DC area this weekend! Looks like many others are realizing how informative his literature is.
Chris scored big this time!
His book Righteous Mind also changed my outlook on life/politics. Top 10 books I'd recommend
Fellow DC area fan here! Just wanted to say it is nice to be reminded not everyone in the DMV is a captured anti-meritocracy layabout. There is a big difference between the population of DC proper & the more affluent suburbs. As a friend's dad once said "I didn't become a conservative until I had something worth conserving." I haven't changed much since I registered as a Democrat at 18, but they have moved so far to the authoritarian left quadrant that I am practically a republican myself now. I consider myself a pragmatic, small "l" libertarian. Anyway, greetings from Fairfax!!
Unfortunately, people being glued to tech is needed, as we’re destined to become cyborgs. I’m not joking, that will happen. Implants. I don’t like this, but it’s been our theory for a long time now.
He misses the mark blaming social media instead of parents though
Mate, your ability to mix bro-speak with articulateness is unmatched!
I deactivated my Facebook over a month ago. And i actually don't wanna go back. I feel much better without it.
@@jakesaul9895Spot on! I left social media altogether in 2016 and find it quite disturbing that *anyone* is still on Facepalm, Instacrap, Twatter or whatever, especially knowing what we do about these dopaminergic demons that hijack our limbic systems, mine our data, and destroy civil society and childhood. It’s a predator’s dream, basically. Hard pass on all but KZhead, where I carefully curate what I take in (mostly old concert footage) and limit time spent.
@@jakesaul9895 this ^. Thank you for putting it into words
After a while after you delete it, you start to see how it really was lame the whole time
Been off for 2.5 years now. Best decision ever.
You are filling gap with youtube and other "better platforms"
Ugggh I think a big reason the risky play is no longer allowed in schools is honestly liability issues, which is so sad and just a disservice to kids.
As a former teacher, I can confirm that this is true. I didn't let kids do risky play because it wasn't worth the bashing I'd get from irate parents or my administrators.
USA lawyer liability society
@@daveyvane9431 so much gets ruined by this, especially for kids. I grew up with a civil litigator for a dad and it was eye opening
Our school used to organize yearly (optional) hiking trips to Switzerland for at least 15 years. Then suddenly it was deemed unsafe and it stopped.
Right, fear based decisions
OMG - 15 minutes in... and I have been nodding my head in agreement for the majority of the time. I see the result of gentle-coddling parenting in my now 19-year-old stepdaughter... it's horrible. I see how her mother and father have really stunted her and any accountability for being tardy, sleeping late, wrecking her car, doing CHORES, being respectful etc. is overlooked by them. I stand back in absolute horror... smh. But, for my sanity - I've disengaged because I was viewed as old-fashioned (mind you, I'm 12 years younger than her parents). My role before disengaging was in developing her into a responsible young adult who understood the importance of volunteering, service-before-self, being accountable, learning, being curious, having manners, chores etc - this was frowned upon by her momma... so...yeah - now they have an entitled young lady who is incapable of being an adult...good luck!
I have a similar experience with my niece - we used to get along, but when she hit maturity, she started behaving in a way that is extremely entitled and bratty. I've also had to disengage because the only way I could see to serve her, was to call out her bad behavior, and that was not appreciated.
A friend of mine is a single parent of a daughter. He was really into sports and had her play hockey and soccer since she was young. I chatted with her briefly when she was 15-16. She was remarkably mature for her age.
tomorrow i will delete my facebook account. Insta's been done already. Im done with this shit. I was one of these who didn't have a phone until 2016 and my mates said I was notoriously hard to get hold of. Im going back to those times.
😂
Not sure that will aid you in your quest to thrive in the modern world or maybe that is not your quest.
I downloaded OLauncher. It's an app that makes your phone look like a dumb phone. Paired it with a greyscale background. Helps a lot! And indeed, remove instagram and facebook.
@@cinnamondan4984Does it really seem true that people need to be on social media to thrive in the modern world? He just said he’s deleting FB; he didn’t say he’s moving to the woods.
Dude, many MANY people early on thought it was a really bad idea to give your young child a tablet or phone. I think this is rewriting the past by parents with regrets, to say we thought it was a good thing. Like, maybe you have a small group of friends that thought that, but the science was skeptical very early.
This
Yeah. A lot of things I see academics saying when they come onto the show are things conservatives were saying a long time ago.
Lol.
The conservatives were worried, the liberals were excited, it's just the classic cycle of two types of contrary overreactions until cultural shifts hard enough that only the extreme naysayers are remembered.
@@hhoi8225 I’m gonna need to see some evidence to ascribe concern over this issue to either side
I was waiting for you to have a conversation with Haidt for the past 2 years. I'm halfway through the Anxious Generation and looking forward to listening to this podcast. Thank you Chris for platforming this legend of a man.
Thank you!!
@@ChrisWillx I'm a huge Haidt fan, you brought out more from him than any other interviewer I've seen. I'd watched a few episodes of yours before, but this was the one that really impressed me, you were smart enough for his academic bantor, and candid enough that he opened up on a few extra areas than usual. Well done!!
Now just Dr. Warren Farrell, "the Father of the Red Pill" as they call him.
I think Gen X got really lucky. I feel so blessed to have been raised with a mix of boundaries and freedom. We were lucky enough to be raised without luxuries but entered the workforce just before the digital age.
And the most popular movies of their time had at least a partial adoption of the Nietzschian ideals. The millennials adopted more of a Gnostic world view. Gen X wanted to break away from the matrix while Millennials want(ed) to make the matrix gilded
Amen 🙏
I'm a Gen X Australian. And for the record, when watching recorded toddler shows on VHS my kids recognised the adds and could fast forward them by two or three, hmm. I'm now a grandmother and the eldest gkids are 12, so technically adolescent. My rules with the internet are that it's used on a big screen and adults are present, or at least walking through constantly. For example the living room or the kitchen. I don't know any kids of this age who have a smart phone. Some have dumb phones incase they miss a bus or something. The computers at school are purely educational. When playing computer games, if they want to play with friends or family, they need to speak to the kids via telephone and arrange for them to come over. Most of all parents need to drag them out. The adventure playground in the backyard, the park, the beach. Most kids have millenial parents. Sadly they learnt the hard way how ugly social media is. The kids in danger are the Gen X parents who were so determined to be upper middle class they delayed parenthood. The rest of us know how to handle kids and the internet. Another moral panic.
@@grannyannie2948*pats you on the back* there ya go.
@@grannyannie2948I would guess most 12 year old kids here the US have full access smart phones. sigh.. You have a really good point about the "rushing to upper middle class", I never thought of it that way.
The vicissitudes of life include indignity, misfortune, and injustice. The more we are able to regulate our nervous system, radically accept unfairness when it's outside our sphere of influence and let go and move on, the more resilient, content and self-assured we become.
Kids need structure. I grew up in a liberal household in the 1960's - 1970's and there were rules but not enough. Several don't (somewhat inconsistent) but no do's. So, my brother and I flew by the seat of our pants and adopted rules from other families. It left me feeling rudderless. I needed more structure.
Very well said. I see what happens with friends' kids without structure and rules.
My daughter turned 14 today. She doesn't have a phone, just a tablet, and we don't plan on getting her a phone for another year, most likely. It gets easier to say "No" if you make a practice of it and incentivize the phone as a privilege that must be earned with maturity and behavior expectations. Almost all her friends have phones so she does feel left out, but not to the extent that it causes her serious distress. I love Joe Rogan but he didn't think that Haidt's list of restrictions would be adopted by parents and I disagree. It is definitely possible and more parents are coming around to the dangers of letting their kids have social media. I am white-pilled on this issue. We can do it!
That's great parenting, and your daughter will thank you for it later... probably not now though, and I'll be doing the exact same thing with my own daughter
How do you measure "serious distress" from being left out?
@@alexdavila1356 Good question. I have found that while she does complain about it she is not overly obsessive or distraught by her lack of a cell phone. She uses her tablet to communicate with her friends on Kids' Messenger or Roblox chats so she isn't isolated from the virtual world completely. It isn't something she fights about with us and she doesn't seem to be too emotionally distressed about it 97% of the time. Her interactions with friends at school and through chats on her tablet are already filled with enough drama (which she hates) so I think she understands that we are protecting her and are not being unfair or unreasonable. It is also pretty rough in schools now and she sees the behaviour of her peers and is turned off by it all. She is into art and making animated videos for KZhead so we have encouraged her in this area and I think it has been enough of a distraction to keep her content for now.
My son got his first phone this year, 10th grade, 16. He is never on it.
Great job. Your descendants will thank you.
As a teacher...PHONE FREE needs to be it. I work in SEN and good heavens...this is an ISSUE.
"Have you read a book for pleasure" They have SOOOOOOOOOO much more homework. Even if they don't have social media or are on the phone like my kid. It's all busy work when they get home. They are exhausted! I'm too exhausted because I'm having to help a tired frustrated child with the dumbest busywork you could imagine. This isn't normal.
Exercise through out the day helps with ADHD so your kids can focus better 😊 exercise in the morning is best, gets oxygen to their brains and gets the excess energy out like they would be in nature before man made school were we have to sit
I work in a high-pressure private school where we push kids hard. They have a lot of homework. And yet when you ask them to answer honestly, they will tell you they STILL spend several hours a day on their phone. Without that there'd be plenty of time for sleep and R&R.
I always found homework to be unfair - they keep you at school for 8 hours, why do they get to use the rest of your day, too?
Check the average teens screen time it's 12 hours a day or more. We have time if we make time
The homework level is way out of balance. Kids need time for other responsibilities and learning beyond academic subjects. Screen time should be limited. More parents need to take charge of their children’s development instead of outsourcing it.
Attention fragmentation undermines our ability to focus, our productivity, and our performance. It's not just teens who are prone to this; adults are switching (aka multitasking) and constantly getting distracted by pings from Slack DMs in order to "be on top of everything" at work. This ironically leads to spreading oneself thin and compromising quality in the name of agility and speed in the current Zeitgeist of hustle culture running on sympathetic nervous system with chronic dysregulation.
For myself and my friends growing up “Teen” movies and shows about drama and about toxic social dynamics (ie Laguna Beach, Mean Girls, the OC etc) had a MASSIVE impact. Then magazines like Girlfriend and Dolly that on one page would talk about fashion and makeup then on the next page would be full of celebrity weight stats and “fashion faux pas” gave us another layer. THEN msn chat, MySpace and tumblr gave us access to conversation with people who benefited from our vulnerability in a way our parents had no idea about. I remember chatting in random chat rooms with men when I would have been 12 years old. My parents had no idea that was a thing let alone what I was able to hide. My ability to behave older and more mature meant my parents trusted me instead of guiding me but they didn’t realise how little an idea I had about what damage I was doing to myself. On the home computer with dial up internet.
Tumblr really fed my eating disorder - I’m sure I’m not alone
I lived this exact experience, but on the male side.
My daughter's middle school does not allow phones to be used during the day. They have to be off and in lockers. The principal changed the whole atmosphere of the school 2 years ago with just that one rule. We don't allow social media until after high school. My now 21 year old son thanked me for keeping him off it. He only missed out on some slang words but those changed quickly so he didn't care. I'm sharing this with my friends and hoping they spend the time watching. Excellent interview! Thank you!
This is now my favourite episode of MW. (Watched all of them) ❤️ Chris asked so many interesting questions and Jonathan was so comfortable. What a precious and important conversation.
Wow! "What ways can you be wrong about this evidence" 34:25 I have never heard any interviewer ask this question. They all should ask this! Bravo!
My 11yr old son starting a phone free high school in Sept. Something I'm pleased about!
13:21 I tell my kids about once a week that life is not fair, has never been fair, and won't ever be fair, focus on what you have control of and do your best
I have two kids below 3 and I am terrified of how social media will effect them..
34:21 "In what ways can you be wrong?" Love the style of thought.
I've been calling this out for 10+ years
Omg you’re so smart
@@NN-qj4sk why the sarcasm?
@@greyfoxice I think someone said that sarcasm is the reflexive emotion for when someone disagrees or doesn't like you but they can't articulate anything positive from their own to counter.
@@Rellikansarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
It’s so sad that humans have devolved to a point of not being able to face social anxiety, so much so that they are unwilling to experience normal feelings of rejection. As part of gen x, I feel so so sad for the younger generations who find normal human experience something they should avoid at all costs. You learn through your failures. Success, even in dating, is born from learning from the success and failures you have through real life interactions. So, so sad.
My 13 year old daughter has a smart phone but has certain restrictions such as not being allowed to use TikTok and not being allowed to put herself online. She also reads a lot of books and is on pace to read over 50 books for pleasure this year, plus being involved in theater at her school. Additionally, she exercises via bike riding, plays board games often, and goes to church regularly. There is a way to allow certain online interactions while balancing it with other things.
So you've got all of these wonderful activities in place for your 13 year old yet are willing to risk undoing all of that great work by introducing an anxiety inducing phone?
I'm going to be sharing this so widely! All parents should watch
Wow, Chris! This dude is really interesting. I completely agree with basically all his points. I thought this was just going to be another boring Thursday. Thanks, Chris, you made my day brighter!
You must read/watch The Coddling Of The American Mind.
I've played a lot of video games. My biggest mistake was not persevering in games I wasn't good at, save scumming until I got the perfect play, not pushing the difficulty to the highest I could try. I got used to playing it easy, and restarting anytime I wanted, which didn't help me in real life when something went sideways and I had to salvage what I can. Instead of doing my best I just crashed.
They say that success is 90% perseverance. I think it's a difficult quality to learn.
Just listening to Jonathan’s book The Righteous Mind - read by him. I used to think he was somewhat mainstream but I did not appreciate how much he is top of his field. He links some of the most significant thinking of our times. I got interested in Autism, then The Red Pill idea, then Ian McGilchrist on left/right brain and the modern world, the whole woke thing, Robert Sapolsky on free will and they have common threads with Jonathan’s work. For me Jonathan nails the key concerns most clearly of those I have listened to. He has a wonderful clarity and perceptual reach and he sees the dangers of our current experiment. I really recommend people to follow his thinking.
One of my favorite pod casters hosting one of my favorite modern intellectuals. Thank you for this stimulating conversation, Chris. Excellent questions. You did a great job making Prof. Haidt feel comfortable to expand on his opinions more deeply than I have seen in other places he's given talks. Bravo, and congratulations on your Austin shoot and your 2M sub milestone!
8:12 Best of both worlds. Strict boundaries but lots of freedom within those boundaries. Kids thrive :-)
An hour in, will definitely be sharing with my family and friends with kids. Its a must watch to help the parents (especially if they're older) understand the dynamics between social media and children.
It’s great hearing Johnathon speak, no emotional biases, with many references to real data. I like his concept of “phone-based” society. Makes a lot of sense.
22:30 it's validating to hear this because I feel like being made to take tough classes having to do with complex math at 4yrs old in South Korea in 1994 was just not the move my parents should have made. My earliest memories are chronic stress from failing those classes, esp. with my difficulty focusing on academic studies. There were a lot of tears, sadly. Also didn't get to play a lot with kids my age.
Humanity is an organism that some times goes through illness, but I am confident that it heals itself in the end, always.
I can absolutely relate to the unstructured time in childhood, freedom to play and take risks, and reading actual books. Gen Xer, here.
One of the most valuable lessons my parents taught me is that life is not fair. "Life's not fair" was always their response to "that's not fair".
Thank you Johnathan Haidt for your work. Great interview. Children need to spend more time outdoors in nature with other kids. Worked great for me as a child.
Chris is possibly the best interviewer I know of. The quality of his questions are second to none.
This one has been one of the best conversations on this channel. Please bring more people to speak on these specific topics. Kudos on your work, Chris
Thank you for covering this topic! So important 🙏🏼
Completely agree with Jonathan Haidt (as usual). Another great person to chat with on the subject of mental health in the young would be Georgia Ede, a psychiatrist. She’s easy to find on KZhead and has recently published ‘Change your Diet, Change your Mind’.
I did my own experiment snd stayed off social media for 2 weeks and my anxiety was decreased dramatically. I see the same in my child. Now, we stay away from screens with the exception of intentional use for necessity. As a parent the hardest part is being more present and creating activities and family play. People are so distracted and not living in the present. Great conversation.
How do you deal with YT?
Haidt is the man! Looking forward to this one.
So many great points in this video! One comment about Gentle parenting: Gentle parenting does not mean lenient. There is a HUGE misconception about “Gentle Parenting.” At its core, gentle parenting is about the parents healing their own emotional wounds that they obtained in their own childhood and recognizing when & what triggers them. Using that knowledge to help them remain in a calm and logical state of mind rather than an emotionally reactive one. Some people may confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting because some people have used the words gentle parenting to excuse their permissive parenting. Overall gentle parenting is akin to authoritative parenting, in which you still impose consequences and boundaries but you do so in a logical, calm, age appropriate and loving way, making sure to always follow up with conversation and connection (always avoiding yelling when you can, hitting/spanking and overly harsh punishment.) Gentle parenting explores other options of how to deal with a situation or a child’s behavior before going straight to punishment (i.e. redirection, making sure the child isn’t hungry/tired, preventing the situation, removing temptation, thinking about if the child is attempting to fulfill a need, and making sure to be an involved parent rather than one barking orders and not getting involved until it’s time to punish, etc.) It makes your connection with your child the centerpiece of your parenting.
This is the best episode of this podcast I've yet seen, and I'm only halfway through.
Thank you for this Chris and Jonathan! ❤
This reminds me a lot of some of Bo Burnhams ideas that he tries to communicate like one of his quotes where he says “if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it.” And also reminds me of a video essay about him titled “Bo Burnham tried to warn us”
Chris ….thankyou and just to let you know I jumped on when you were at 250,000 subscribers as I thought you had an insightful manner and you hit upon super important themes around the health of young men and I also have a 21 year old son who is dealing with all these issues that you talk about …. In the vein of this current guest I suggest a fantastic guest is Christopher hedges to me one of the most knowledgable individuals out there over many years ..if you want to get a very educated and insightful take on many of our societal issues that you are currently delving into… we would definitely tune in as many of your audience would and individuals who may not know him would benefit hugely, I imagine….👌
Protect and provide. Both are important! ❤
I remember having to read a book and do a book report every two weeks while in jr high and high school. In order to encourage students to read more books, there were several perks given. I read a lot--almost every day now.
Yes! Thank you!!
Many young people are not learning social skills needed for interacting face to face with other humans. Interacting thru a screen is not the same as in real life.
Awhile back I made the direct connection between parents that don't let your kids struggle with anything/experience discomfort/fail and anxiety about minor little things in life. The reparenting around that one has been a long slog. It's also interesting to consider that we stop kids from climbing onto 'dangerous' places and hold their hands as they take their very first steps. What if we allowed kids to take 'dangerous' climbs but asked them along the way 'what's your plan' and 'what will you do next' instead of scolding them or telling them 'be careful' (which is meaningless direction to a child).
Excellent conversation
As the famous experiment showed: the kids who chose to give up a small pleasure (one marshmallow/chocolate/etc) for a bigger one later (two marshmallows 15 min after) tended to be better off in life. One takeaway is that parents need to be cognizant of how their choices affect their kids now vs later. You may want to give the child a moment of pleasure now, or you could refrain and allow them to gain much greater rewards later down the line. It's complex, for sure, but the point is to have the ability to judge when it is best to have less happy kids now in exchange for more sustained happier and better people in the future. "What's wrong with kids these days? Why can't they forgo instant gratification?" needs to be superseded by the same question but replacing "the kids" with "the parents".
Amazing conversation. I love Haidt.
This was great, thank you both!
As a GenX I don’t remember anyone complaining about us or is complaining about anyone else. It was the 90s and we had a hell of a great time. Maybe too much booze but still had a great time.
You guys turned out to be awful parents tho
What an amazing episode. Just to comment on the video game mediation. There are many scenarios where kids will argue about a decision that was made and whether it was the correct one or not. EX: a team members goes into a house to fight someone without notifying his teammate and gets eliminated. They could argue about why he was alone, why he went in the house in the first place, why they weren’t communicating, etc. There are rules in the game, but the strategy is dictated by the players.
Great episode. I love the eclectic assortment of guests. Thanks Chris
There is so much that is causing mental distress, bad nutrition being at the top of the list, that have have been overlooked for the easy solutions that make the situation worse. Our problems go deeper than what social media presents.
God forbid should we decide to actually parent and inculcate strong values for our children to enable them to navigate their environment as they grow.
The damage being done to our young is immense but the action and interest from the average adult is minimal.
As a young adult every one of my friends I speak to about this sees it the same way smokers do cigarettes. It's usually the "I know it's bad, but... Some crap excuse to them chasing dopamine or being insecure or fomo.. etc ". Some are starting to catch on to this brain rot and are trying to direct their attention to healthier things, however those seem the few minority of people and as you look at those younger than us it seems to be progressively worse and worse.
Excellent work. 6 month old boy at home, don’t know if I can’t get my wife to watch this but topic has def been top of mind.
I agree with pretty much everything I just listened to. One other factor that I think has played into the issues of children and teens not socializing is the cost. Everything costs way too much and there's nowhere to go for free. I think of the malls my buddies and I hung out in back in high school. They are all closed now. There's no place I can think of that kids can go and just hang out that doesn't require them to spend lots of money to be there. Think of how much more gas, car insurance, and even used cars cost now than they did a decade or two ago. So not only have we limited where these kids can go, we made it far more expensive to get there. Early on, you mentioned hobbies, which are increasingly expensive and exclusive. My dad and I were big into model trains when I was growing up (he still is) and he's repeatedly commented, showing off stuff he has now at its incredible quality and detail, but also that a single freight car now costs more than the full starter sets you used to get at Toys R Us and how if we were starting out now, we'd never have gotten into it, as it costs too much. Same with the tabletop wargaming I still do. It's an adult hobby that requires a full time income even though its ultimately playing with plastic army men. The same goes for sports. How much does it cost for a kid to play most sports now? I wonder if that also is factoring into parental risk aversion- who can afford the ER bill when your kids breaks something? Plus the fear of getting sued by other parents because your little King Arthur bonked their little Mordred over the dome a little hard with their stick sword. Or that State taking your children away for the same reason. By today's standards, I would have been deemed far too free range and DSS/DYS would have definitely been contacting my parents if not taking me away entirely.
I'm so proud of this new generation. Not being on their phones and social media is going to help them immensely.
Great interview. The effects of beauty, and selfcare, face creams etc with 10 year olds is not just in social media, it is in the classroom and is spread by only a few girls who have access to social media, or from their mothers. The stuff my girl comes home with is ridiculous, and I'm constantly rectifying what other girls tell my daughter. My daughters school ban phones, which is great. I do limit the apps my daughter has access to, and she has a limited time on apps she can contact her friends on, and her sim card is removed every night to reduce emf and allows her to sleep without being pinged at 3am. You can make a smart phone just for communication. Whenever she wants to have a friend round, I all up for that, come round for tea.
Not just kids struggling through a life phase. I’m 61 & more anxious than ever. Nothing to do with my phone or social media. I can’t afford rent increases, no health or dental insurance, food, utilities, or car insurance. List goes on… it’s not a good feeling for my last 20 years of life.
Chris is PASSING ROGAN on great podcasts🎉🎉🎉
Rogan literally had this guy on a few weeks ago
@@Entombs yup... I've watched over 2k of Joe's podcast.. very aware. Be Awesome!
Chris has been a better podcaster for 2+ years now. Joe was great for a long time and he’s a great man, but Chris is smarter, more clever, more self aware, much funnier in real-time conversation, brings on far more non-famous scientists, and he dedicates a ton of time to reading psych literature.
Can't compare the two. Chris is on another level.
Amazing chat guys. The issues you discussed need massive amplification because you have your fingers on the pulse of the problems.
Too short! Y’all are great together
Phenominal! - Absolutely Fantastic information!!!!
Congratulations on the big visual, audio podcast. 🙌🏽
When I had my children, mid 80s to mid 90s, almost all women worked outside the home. I was the odd duck as a stay at home mom. So these mothers enrolled their children in all kinds of after-school activities because there was no one home for them. My children had to make dates to play with someone. There was no spontaneity. There was no, "Hey, you want to come to my house after school?" I feel bad for my kids, they had a completely different childhood than their parents, when our goal was to give them the same (or better) childhood. I see more young parents today wanting to be stay at home moms and I am glad for it.
Spend time feeling your body (not with your hands... with your attention). You'll realize that anxiety is actually the feeling of fear, expressing itself in your body as muscles and tissues in specific spots, tightening and tensing. The feeling of fear is a kind of pain, though it's never as bad as you think, and the solution is to face it. What do I mean by that? I mean a) realizing that your anxiety is a physical thing (clenching) that is expressing itself, in that moment, in some spot on your body (around the heart, behind the eyes, in the voicebox, in the abdomen), and that b) you can create a habit in which you dare yourself to put your mind on that icky feeling, over and over and over. It's as if the muscles/tissues (the fear) need to be noticed in their clenched state, and then they'll relax. It's a kind of a faith, because you don't know when or why you're going to feel anxiety. And you can't talk yourself out of it. And yet when it comes, you've learned that the only thing to do is look straight at it, with your mental attention, on the physical feeling of discomfort. And then it relents, and in those moments you begin to act with a grace you never had. And then the anxiety comes back (you get lost in narrative, dramatic thought, forgetting to feel your body) and you feel anxiety again. It's a cycle. It's a game (not trivial). It's you willingly feeling what your body shows you, over and over and over, in as many moments as you can. Again, it's faith - since you don't get to choose what you feel. You just dare yourself to feel it. It's a different kind of courage. And you become, in those moments in which you've accepted the sensation of anxiety - you become a better version of yourself because you stop, in big ways or in little ways, lashing out at the world. You're no longer thinking "I've had it up to here," because you've taught yourself to feel a lot more. That doesn't justify any given feeling, nor any given reaction. Simply, it lets you act more calmly, more fluidly, more gracefully. All from they payment of what I see as a penance: the willingness to feel the icky feeling of anxiety in as many moments as you can remember to. I realized this a couple years ago through singing, and you can hear it on my channel - the improvement of my voice, because of this practice, over the last few years. But it's much bigger than that. It'll change your life.
I agree this is crucial, essentially meditation practice. For those who do not like that aesthetic due to the spiritual connotation, think of it this way: It is like pressing stop on an alarm. Your body is telling you something, and only by the conscious mind saying "yes, I hear you, I am capable of dealing with it" does the "alarm" stop. If you distract yourself from fear, how can your body be sure you got the message?
Brilliant. Great podcast.
Your the first podcast I religiously watch. Great chats :)
My wife older brother and also her older sister said “yes” with a capital “Y” for ALL their kids from early childhood! The flip phone era, my school took the phone away for 7 days even if you just had it out or it went off in your backpack. The 2nd offense was 30 days. The 3rd offense was end of the semester. Now teachers on the “best public school” system in America (uhemm, Fairfax County Virginia) encourage the use of smart phones during class for material at times. Definitely a 180 from the flip phone era.
I wanted to say something on the video game addiction thing. I have been addicted to both video games (when I was a teenager) and stimulants (when I was in my twenties), and in addiction from chemical substance recovery it's common to having so-called "using dreams" where you have dreams about the use of the chemical substance. But what I noticed recently is that ~20 years later I still have dreams of playing World of Warcraft. I also had a lot of good times playing that game and think it helped me a lot with cooperation, but I certainly didn't sign up for a lifetime of dreaming about it for the rest of my life when I was 15 years old and unaware. I often also wonder if the video game addiction (which I'm not saying everybody does get addicted to it) primed me in some way for the stimulant addiction, but I'm not a psychiatrist. I also wanted to say that there was another MMORPG called Final Fantasy 11 and it had an entry screen in the game that warned you about getting addicted to it. This was years before World of Warcraft and I think the game companies should be more open about what the consequences of their games are; especially since it was apparently known to game makers in the timeframe of Everquest.
Anxiety is the fear of what could potentially happen, the internet provides a vast library of things that could potentially happen
Marshall McLuhan is a hero of Jordan Peterson. Back in the 1950s he talked of, a "global village". A hero of mine is scientist-priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. He came up with the idea long before Marshall. Back in the 1920s, he came up with "the noosphere", a linking together of human minds around the world, via technology. Today we call the noosphere, "the internet".
I knew “Omega point” was one of Teilhard’s concepts, but I don’t think I ever knew that he coined “noosphere!”
Kids and adults are anxious today because no one spends time outside, no one learns actual skills anymore and living in concrete with traffic every where is stressful. Let’s get back to basics: animal husbandry, growing your food, kids spending the day outdoors until dinner time.
Interesting podcast. I want to say, a lot of addictions young people are engaged inares actually coping for bad parenting of their caregivers. The only way I see to fight addictions is to solve the root problem.
So insightful! Never thought of it this in this way.
This was brilliant and very insightful. Thanks guys!!
Chris, you are on fire. Keep rocking like that and you will be Nr. 1 soon.
Awesome interview thanks!
Tak!
Great Discussion!! Chris Williamson X Johnthan Haidt
Brilliant, brilliant discussion Love Hadit
to Jonathan Haidt: Some video games do have that level of disagreements; usually MMOs or games where you spend alot of time with the same subset of people which is I believe the point you were trying to make about around 42:11. Edit: Also, amazing discussion - gained so much from it.
Yeah, I wanted to point that out too. There are tons of disagreements in online competitive games like he was describing
@@SpecterVonBarenI was thinking the same, but there's much less incentive to actually resolve the issue (if its a random person). It's usually just player A saying player B is shit and player B insulting back. Its rarely constructive, and you're still missing out on other important social aspects like body language, eye contact etc. I think his analogy of only eating rice is pretty accurate
I think the person you were trying to think of who invented CBT for dating rejection might have been Albert Ellis. He created something called REBT which was where CBT came from. His book How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable changed my life
So much wisdom....the phonification of girls and so much more. I need to rewatch 💖👏
I was just talking with a much younger coworker who was given his first phone when he was 9 years old, and I asked him if he had to ask for it, and he said that his mom had given it to him for safety purposes, so he could text her. The culture has changed that much in so few years. In the 2000's, it was sort of like a kid was "spoiled" if they had a phone at the age of 12 or 13, and now parents actively want their kids to have a smartphone. Better safe than sorry, as they say.