What adolescents (or teenagers) need to thrive | Charisse Nixon | TEDxPSUErie
Charisse Nixon is a development psychologist who studies at risk behavior as well as protective factors among children and adolescents. According to Nixon, we know that kids and adults are suffering. In fact, some research studies have shown that rates of depression and anxiety have actually increased over the past 50 years. According to recent research, we know that approximately 1 in 5 youth will suffer from a major depressive episode by the time they leave high school. In the middle of our fast paced, technologically driven world, adolescents stand before you - searching for purpose… searching to fit in and belong. After decades of research of those who have studied this field, one thing is very clear: meaningful connections serve as protective factors in the lives of our youth. Nixon shares her ideas on how we can help our youth build those meaningful connections.
Dr. Charisse Nixon is currently a Professor of Psychology at Penn State Behrend. She trains educators throughout the United States providing a unique integration of empirical research and practical strategies to help caring adults create environments that optimize children and adolescents’ developmental outcomes. Her research interests currently include studying effective prevention and intervention efforts related to reducing peer mistreatment and its associated harm. Building students’ resiliency through mentoring is a core tenet of her work. Charisse has a heart for young people-for young people to actually thrive and not just survive, to be the best that they can be.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Those 4 Gems are also what adults need to thrive. This video made me realize that adults are similar to adolescents and have some growing up to do.
"All she needed was an acknowledgement." That is so amazingly deep. She changed my heart with that. This was beautiful.
Cheers for the video content! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you thought about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great exclusive product for becoming an excellent parent minus the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my friend after many years got great results with it.
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I thought that was common sense
I'm almost 19 and have no idea what I want to do with my life, but i always knew it would be to help the development of self esteem of kids, specifically older kids. Maybe il be a developmental psychologist!!
Ayeee
I can help you bc I’m bored lol 😂 and plus I like helping people
How I wish someone was around when I needed to be pulled out of an environment that did not "ruin" my life, but definitely added stress, abuse and frustration just trying to survive. I am 80 years old, a retired Registered Nurse and still feel the need to do something that will let less fortunate people have hope and find support for the child left behind. Thank you, so much. You are an incredible woman and very much appreciated. Presently, I am pursuing a degree in Health, Human and Social Services😊
I am sooooo proud of you.
How do you recommend being a Nurse?
I’m 16 and I needed this video to help me out with my depression and it did now I can pass it on to my sister and brothers and mom
Good for you for taking control of your life!
It's not easy, but what a wonderful person you are for taking the initiative & having so much empathy thinking of your family. You are a truly special young person. You're a gem. You might want to check out PierreXO on YT, he's a little older, but he talks about important things having to do with your generation. His channel is a smart young community & in my opinion, some of the best minds & hearts of the future. Much love♥️♥️🌎🌎☮☮
How have you been lately?
Kashyia Williams yeah let us know how you’re doing now.
Julie Lea hugging gtcfuftyfgutgjjgf it ujjuujuuhttwwwwwwuttuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitsjfeehhhhrw
Maybe this video is not the solution but give us precious information about our adolescents, for example now I understand why he is always defensive and angry with my responses or attitudes, he thinks he is being attacked. I’m so grateful with this woman for sharing her knowledge.
My eyes are about to explode as this video helped me so much as a mother.
Vulnerability such as sharing my background, mistakes and struggles -past and present - is an essential aspect of how I relate to my students and increasingly my children.
This must be shared and watch it again and again. I work with elementary children they know bullying is not allowed yet it begins in vary subtle ways. It's learned behavior and we all need to learn to be kind and encouraging and yes we are all broken! STAY HUMBLE AND GRATEFUL 💞
The funny thing is I learned all of this growing up in a religious household, so none of this is new information, especially the four gems. I definitely appreciate the theories finally catching up to tried and true practices!
I want to thank you . Just had a dificult holiday with my 15 y. o. son and his lovely 14 y.o. girlfriend, enjoyng they're amazing first holiday together, stayng up all night and giving me and my girlfriend a hard time . I realized suddenly, that not only is my son a tenager but that "I" ! I am a fader of a teenager. Suddenly my son is not good anymore, he must get good grades, he does not want to speak to me...but i am doing exactly the same! Is just that my son was a great conversator. He loved to speak when he was a young child. He always had lots of initiatives. He was always there! and that has changed. Now its more up to me. I have to do something actively for that connection with him. That is very confronting to me because i realize now after seeing your video how much I have changed with age. I became too confortable in my own litle life. I dont need much so i dont need to reach out to others. Now i realize if i want to help my son i have to change that. That is huge in all aspects. Thanks again for your elucidating words!
"im good, son bad, i fix, son good, im hero".
I'm 13 and in every friend group I've been in in the two years or so as soon as we start sharing stuff about ourselves and get past basic stuff like favorite colors we just go to "you guys wanna know about my trauma and list of mental disorders and mental illnesses?"
This generations f*cked up cant even talk with my classmates because they are always depressed😞
@@mmapng sorry. I hope you have (acknowledging) non-parent adults in your 🌎. Maybe seek until found. Best to you on this journey lasting to brain age 25. Hang tight...does get better!
This woman's on point! I teach HS and I'm sharing this with my students and their parents.
On the other side of the globe the stuff mentioned here are taught day in day out at home & in school. We call them values. But it sounded like a whole new discovery here, so deep. Like a lost civilization
True
Truth.
assimulate
EMPATHY * GRATITUDE* FORGIVENESS* HUMILITY = 4 gems we need to pass onto our Kids; in order for them to THRIVE.
You don’t forgive your kids you accepts them
@@bryan_mancia2549 there are many times you accept, but when they take meths and stab someone... Something other than acceptance needs to kick in. You are striding hard on the road of enabling
@@bryan_mancia2549 The qualities listed are skills/traits adolescents need to LEARN and be taught, not what parents/adults necessarily do TO THEM.
Very underrated. An important lesson. Glad I came across this. I'm spreading this amongst people I know.
Damn social media, my daughter is going through this. They can’t put that damn phone down and see their friends having fun while they’re sitting in their bedrooms and making bad choices with friends.
How is she now? My daughter is going through this too
Usually, we'll think about sharing this because someone else needs to hear it, and they may. But as I pause, take a moment and think on how has this impacted me? Where can I be the change for someone today? To extend a physical hand, as oppose to a message, because when I needed it there was noone there to display that empathy, humility... This was great delivery.
The problem in today’s society is that very few of us ever grow up. This talk talks to all of us, and especially men. We have to rise up and become true masculine men, that provide and protect our women and children. Thanks for this wonderful talk! :)
I might speak only for myself, but I don't need protecting by men. Throughout my life, I needed protecting from men, and their "masculinity". And not in the way you might think. So stop being so full of himself, and show some humility, and instead of "masculinity", strive for being human instead. Show up for people, not for "women and children". You have no idea how patronising it sounds. Women and children don't need protecting. They need opportunities to thrive, they need equal rights, they need wars to stop, they need to stop being controlled and they need to be happy. Have you ever seen a happy child? Truly happy child? That child does not need protection, because she has love.
I kinda disagree, my friend wants her man to be "masculine and protect her" but she is good at protecting herself, (as am I) so being protected is not am issue for some. I don't think it's that we need to grow up, I think we need to be responsible and those are 2 very different things. Being responsible means doing things to protect, have fun, connecting to others, being responsible is paying bills, laundry, getting outside for exercise/walks/fresh air. "Growing up" takes all the fun out of life and its supposed to be fun! You'll get more out of being alive if you connect and have more fun.
It’s really tough when they have a mental illness on top of this! I’m about to lose it tbh! It’s hard to make time for this all when I have to work fulltime and I’m single 🤦🏽♀️🥲
Same. Single mom of 2 and my oldest has ASD, with anxiety and adhd surfacing in aggressive ways. I feel like I'm drowning just trying to keep her healthy. She is fighting me through the journey and I'm just as lost as she is
Thank you for this! On the first day of school I have my tenth grade students write a thank you letter to any teacher they have ever had. It’s so fun to see the teacher they choose and why.
I wish she would have given real-life examples of what humility looks like in 2020 life situations, for example, "do this" "not this"... I think most of us think we are humble, but are we? What does showing up look like and feel like for (Parents and teens) and (teens and teens)? What does deep connection look like feel like? What does repairing a relationship look like? Where is that book? I think I am doing those things, but my kids are still depressed, alone, and have extreme pressure!! I can not believe with so many FAKE FRIENDS. I think we play a role, but the PEERS play a more significant role in how they feel about themselves and the dad's need to step up with the daughter's confidence.
Lisa Torkkola I agree - there’s no doubt she understands the cause-and-effect and she can identify characteristics and traits. But I was really waiting to hear specific examples rather than just emotional platitudes.
Yes, that would be very helpful. I get everything she's saying, but I don't always know how to put it into play.
As a 15 year old, this is true.
If you are here and you are fifteen, you will have a good life .
Thanks
I have been raised without phones and devices and friends just my family. And the connection I’ve gotten from having a phone is so great. I’ve been able to make and keep friends bc of it.
This is a great presentation. I’m a school nurse working with middle school students. This is so powerful . I will be sure to share with my colleagues. Thank you
excellent and so common sense but said beautiful. Thank you for organizing it perfectly
We watched this video for class and wow, it's really great. Everything she said stuck to me. Thank you
Dr. Nixon you inspire so many people, thanks for teaching!
Adolescents see anger where there is none? Stuff makes sense now.
Nano sounds like most of my problems.... sort of
Nano it means when that troubled adolescent sees an emotional response to them and it’s difficult for them to identify immediately go to anger and substitute that. For example, a troubled adolescent, Bill as a relationship with another adolescent named Matt. Bill and Matt I have a disagreement and Bill is made to feel that he’s let down Matt. But Bill can’t identify why Matt is disappointed so Bill assumes the maddest angry. And more than likely will assume that Matt is angry at him.
Thank you so much for sharing this invaluable information BEST Ted Talk yet!!
This is an excellent lecture and also the speaker’s struggles and courage really moved me.
This really blessed me. Thank you sooooo much
Probably the best 30 minutes I have spent since I can remember. Phenomenal!
And perhaps I was too quick to judge in part initially... spot on when we must develop a more "caring" society!
this is awesome thanks, will bring it to live with my teenagers!
This lady has some excellent points
This was awesome! Changing the culture would change the lives of so many people.. I'm on a mission to promote this very same thing! Keep spreading this knowledge and positivity!
Keep up your amazing work. We need you.
Very well said,spiritually can even make stronger connections
This is what I've been telling my kids. I'm wiser than I thought I was!
Wonderful Tedtalk----thank you so much!!!!!
we’re watching and analyzing this talk in 12th grade english right now. I ended up mentioning it to my mom and therapist. I knew I was defensive, and now I understand that it’s not just me like I had thought, that there’s a reason why I believe people are antagonizing me even when they say otherwise. huh.
Meaning is incredible important
This is so Amazingly informative. I can testify to these elements creating resilience for me as a young child during my parents divorce conflict. We can't prevent children from difficult situations, but there's definitely hope!
One of the best videos that i have come across in a bid to understand myself and my adolescent child.... cannot thank you more and yes ... being Indian and a Hindu,i could relate every bit of it and understood why in our religion we give so much importance to empathy and forgiveness..... thank you Ted ex for bringing such eminent speakers to make a mark ❣️
lovely....ground truth thats not realised by any of the adults these days. Well presented
Thanke you for your perspective! Now I have to explore what is impression management... :) :)
I'm 14 and it true about us teens
U r lucky u found this young
Thank You. Peace. Nj-usa
Thanku for an interesting talk. the four gems, empathy, gratitude, forgiveness and humility change our hearts but our focus. Cheers
Very helpful! Thank you!
amazing and so relevant to right now.
So good !! Thank you
I am responsible for transferring those gems to others. Thank you💚💚
we are expected to act like adults and be treated like kids- thats when u dk ur identity and i realized how as a teen - like i fill every criteria of the 4 gems but im surrounded with adults who arent as optimistic as i am and they arent at all accepting
It scares me how accurate this is
Yes, the adolescence info is pretty on point.
Christi-Anne Is it? I feel like assuming EVERY adolescent struggles with perspective taking is rather unfair Edit: the needs part is good, but certain struggles cannot be applied to all, and it is impossible to claim that adolescents are only concerned with their phones based on some "sixth graders walking down a hallway on their phones"
Just ignore him. ☺
@@johnfortner357 That would be the vast majority of America. What Country do you live in? Also, the perspective taking is based on research...it's just the way the brain works. I refused to let my son get his driver's license at 16 because research has shown without a doubt their brains aren't developed enough to assess risk-taking behavior, etc at 16.
thank you. It does help me understand adolescence.
Thanks for that.
Thank you !!!
Best thing I heard in a very long time. Thank you!
Legendarie
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Oh I’m feeling there is no hope! I’ve been dealing with these behaviors since she was freaking 6
"They don't talk to each other - they're all on their phones!" Well, what do you think they're doing on their phones.......
Yes but we aren't learning socialising skills. It is much easier to say "I like you, Jack" over text than in real person. So they fray from the latter and go with the first option therefore not giving them the opportunity to learn and "use" confidence. I see your point. But that isn't real socializing. It is feeding an addiction. And no I'm not a 74 year old grandma that likes parenting her grand children by saying "tech = bad", no, I am a 14 year old girl who is living through it and even I know that none of this equates to real life. All this fabricated mess is making teens compare themselves to others and feel bad for any bad card they've been dealt, it is unhealthy and everyone is at fault for it.
@@xxwintermoonxx1528 Yeah, the body language parts of communication aren't learnt if you communicate by text, so whatever they could have benefitted from learning about body language when talking to someone IRL would be lost. My point was though, that this woman says they don't communicate at all. I say they do, allthough not with all parts of communication involved as you would normally assume there would be.
Dave Cullins I think what this Psychiatrist is suggesting is that young people see the Internet as a place of acceptance; self validation of their beauty, charm, popularity etc. etc. and kids crave this so much that it’s easier to go to the Internet than it is to a relationship to find this acceptance.
@@TrueBlueBoogie Yeah but this doesn't mean they don't talk to each other, like she said. My point is that they *do* talk to each other, but over the phone, and that she can't see that.
Dave Cullins good point you make. Her observation goes one level deeper. Her point is that Social Media is now winning as a good substitute for real authentic friendship. Kids can be their own ‘talent Agent’ on Snap and cast this huge aura of coolness sound themselves rather than just sit eye to eye, in front of a peer, without the flash of technology and just say, “hey this is the real me, flaws and all...what do you think?”
This is fantastic! Any chance somebody could add subtitles to this so I can show it to my students?
now let's just imagine if you grouped all the problem-filled, struggling adolescents in one place and forced them to work under extreme pressure for stuff they mostly don't want to do. That would be horrible...oh wait...hang on a sec...
Wow, that is surprisingly relatable and familiar, wonder where/what that is.
Lol that’s like school
Nailed it💖
That's what you are you get stuck in it
If it's fun or something they can possibly enjoy atleast for a moment that's the difference that they will always remember
Awesome, I learnt a lot from this video as a teen coach.
Thank you so much for this. I'm trying to find the 40-yr longitudinal study mentioned at the beginning of this talk - does anyone know where I can read about it?
awesome talk.
Alexitimia. I love them. Thank you
this video needs some more views
Excellent lecture
I enjoyed this information but it's not really new. I'm taking a Soc class and this was an assignment.
HUMILITY empathy gratitude forgiveness
21:12 Forgiveness and also humility. I really want to find a way to drive this one home with my son. Everything and everyone slights him everyday (by his perspective) and he holds on to that like it’s his buoy. I’ve been trying to teach him humility since he was in elementary school. Nope! Maybe if I try to fit forgiveness in at another angle.....
You can't teach it, you have to show it. If he has not been showing humility since grade school it's definitely a defense mechanism. Find out why he feels he needs to protect himself so strongly before forgiveness. Remember, these aren't personality traits he was born with, it's learned behavior from his environment influenced by his personality traits. Good luck. Light&love♥️♥️🌎☮☮
seeing someone forgive another..how often do children get directed to that process? saying sorry works when it adds in the Stand in their shoes Point of View. That is where it takes a lot of time. If parents do not talk about "Considering another" in any depth, children will just have no structure about Apologizing. We have to show apologies (be humble We made mistakes). Helps that the other person sees you Felt in order to amend your part, thus bringing the relationship back to The calm, happy state. Which is what i believe relationship Is about, you are not just doing it for temporary reasons. There was a great article about the genuine apology, taking the personality of another into account..saying more to ensure you Do not wish to repeat that sort of harm. AND (after thinking about it) speaking about how you will show more consideration. IE. I will put my wet laundry into the dryer after work/school..I will call you when I arrive at X. Purpose: the relationship between people requires updates, ways to keep them in the know, so things dont come as a surprise (WE HOPE). And of course more particular talking about Emotions, or how someone did not bring it into context (reasonably, because you both matter period). It is work, but helps to define how we can make Us sort out things, Like have health, forgive..know to add the new improved idea. That then aids in facing every day movement, planning ahead..We want it to work, RIGHT? Anyway, the apology that goes over how you want to add a Right action shows Ownership. Doing that shows the other You do that in yourself..a way to be in relationships..WIN WIN. They feel heard, responded to with plus vs minusses. Really appreciate Charisse's Overview here. Major Applause and Respect for Putting this into a Plan that is about Hope. Pscyh grad, mentor of children, survivors of traumatic brain injuries, learner about my son with a learning "differences", It takes heart and willingness to put my stuff on the side. Living with meaningful bonds is never just about ourselves...keep aiming to show You want understanding to be the Main Theme. Do the Hokey Pokey..we practised that. So Getting good at forgiving, being other oriented, not forgetting yourself, I wonder what WE Could DO!!??
Before technology people were worried because kids and young adults were plugged into the newspaper and they were worried that reading the newspaper would greatly and negatively impact human connection. I wonder if we tried to find a positive outcome for children and phone use, if there would be one…or maybe if there could be one.
Acceptance - Belongingness - Control - Dependence for Co-existence (ABCD) This Acronym is more meaningful
I think this is a good talk and agree with the 4 gems, but how?? How do you get them to practice gratitude...?
Definitely one of the best ted talks.
👍👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️ Wonderfully true ❤️
woooow am so glad to watch some one that has a pasdion like mine
I wish there were subtitles
While I was in training as a Prevention Specialist I learned to say “children at risk”, rather than a labeling adjective such as “at risk children”. Something similar is “I am a diabetic or an arthritic” instead of “I have diabetes or arthritis”.
Who else wants to take a shot every time she says the word "hard"
Could you possibly go in and request autocaptions for this video? I'd like to utilize it for a course but I can't as it isn't accessible to students who need captions.
Can anyone tell me about the opening score..as in is it of ted talks exclusively..
Ouch! That last part hurt...
Amazing talk
June Jara -.-
That’s my professor!!!
Great lecture!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Great? AMAZING!!! oh waIt its the same word XD
Clearly this talk has 'worked' for a lot of people, judging by the comments. And to be fair, a lot of what Charisse says is both interesting and helpful; it also sounds 'right'. Intuitively, there is a lot to connect with (a key theme). It's great, too, that people have talks such as this to refer to, when experiencing issues in their family relationships. But I found this talk hard going after a while. It is longer than most Tedx talks, and she has a fairly forceful delivery, including a tendency to repeat, which jars after a while. But don't let that stop you watching the whole thing! There are many good points, with anecdotes (perhaps better with some more scientific underpinning?).
Yes, I had to stop, too hard to watch. Maybe some other time...
This was positive.
Dear Charisse Ma'am Thank you for the wonderful information. I really appreciate your genuine concern for the youth. I pray to Lord Krishna for your long and healthy life. I would love to meet you. Love you. Lord Krishna bless you with long life. Have a wonderful day.
what ot do when kids need to work through problems to problem solving these can lead to better understanding
لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له ،له الملك و له الحمد و هو على كل شيء قدير
Awesome indeed.Thank you.i soo needed to hear this
Charisse, I am wondering if Cindy had health challenges caused by deficiencies in nutrients and protective factors due to limited breastfeeding (if done at all by your mother while she was building your body). Focus by the mother on the already-born infant (rather than on the mate and the conception of another child so soon) should help with optimal lactation as well as non-biological essentials. There would be no competition for maternal resources during the early developmental stages. Total, uninterrupted involvement with and nursing of the child is more likely to assist with normal or at least improved development and can forestall the re-impregnating of a woman. This natural common child-spacing while breastfeeding is well known. I was born only 9.5 months after my sister. Hmmm...
better LIFE when/in GENERALLY SPEAKING! !!! !
- Outbursts - Misreads facial expressions Does this mean adolescents develop or have autism? And then grow out of it after age 25?
People work too much for not enough financial security.
Great talk. Couldn't help why her left foot was like that, any ideas?
she probably had an accident.
She said she broke it so some sort of accident
I would listen to all that again just to hear that guitar solo again