It can be hard to make friends and sometimes we don't even know where to begin. There's a science to likability and I've compiled 5 science-backed tips to use when you feel stuck in a social rut.
In this video, I will teach you how to be more likable, confident, and memorable by authentically being yourself. Remember that you are awesome and the right people will always find you.
Want more details on how to supercharge your likability?
👉 www.scienceofpeople.com/likea...
Captivate anyone you talk to with my book Captivate! Get your copy here: www.amazon.com/Captivate-Vane...
In this video:
0:00 Intro
0:55 Science Behind Likability
2:02 Step #1: Use signaling
4:40 Step #2: We like people who like us
5:41 Step #3: Use the similarity attraction effect
6:33 Step #4: Highlight similarities
8:05 Step #5: Be the real deal
8:51 I like you
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People School is a 12-step video-based training program designed to increase your interpersonal intelligence. People School focuses on the four core competencies of Business PQ:
• Empower Leaders and Managers
• Leverage Science-Backed Communication Tools
• Activate Effective Teamwork and Collaboration
• Improve Client Relations & Sales
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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.
Do you want to be the most likable person in the room? Get my FREE guide now: www.scienceofpeople.com/
My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication (www.scienceofpeople.com/cues/) Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People (www.scienceofpeople.com/capti...) and I am the creator of People School. This advanced video communication course is for high achievers who want to be confident communicators.
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.
PS - Get our free 60-minute online trainings: www.scienceofpeople.com
+ Join the party on Instagram: / vvanedwards
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Vanessa Van Edwards is Lead Investigator at Science of People - where she unlocks the formulas and patterns behind human behavior for hundreds of thousands of students in over 200 countries. She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, available in 14 languages around the world. Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR, BBC, Fast Company and dozens more.
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Supercharge your likability and learn more about it in the article: www.scienceofpeople.com/likeable-get-people-to-like-you/
I LIKE YOU
I like you, Vanessa..
I’m a human and animal magnet 🧲 but my husband son and fiancé barely look at me on the eyes when having a conversation with my husband or in a family meal. They only talk to my husband and the rest of the family. I have tried now for 3 years to get closer to them and be friends but I just gave up. I believe I don’t have to be begging to be liked by them when the rest of people around me love me.
@@suneetrachapudi6903I.
"I like you. Let's be friends" The good olden days
Right😂
Is that what they did back in the day?
@@lunamoonlight5102 probably means when he/she were young
That's some weak tea dude. Lmao 🤣
Now that'll put me in the wrong spot
be careful of attracting narcs and people who talk to you because you're such a great listener- but who wont genuinely listen back when it comes to your end.
TRUE !
Too late
What's a narc
Ya, also be careful with listening too much because, sometimes people just want to "Dump" on you.
Being likeable doesn't mean you have to listen to people who provide no value to you, hog the conversation and reciprocate interest. People also like people who have healthy boundaries. It's not authentic to keep listen to someone you're not interested in.
1 signal likability 2 If you like more people, more people like you 3 Highlight similarities
Whow everyone hates me now
you missed some points bud
Why do people like I hate everything then? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
The last time I said "hey baby girl,,, I like you😉" I was arrested🙁
God, I can’t even tell you how much your videos have helped me in just a span of 2 days. I found you literally two days ago and followed everything you’ve said so far and I’m already saying hello to strangers, making conversation with strangers, smiling more, and just feel overall more comfortable in my own skin. I’m typically very shy, introverted, and would always just walk around with a serious face to avoid talking to people. Boy, have things changed. Thank you.
W
@@varshboorugadda2327 Yes.
@@4lezcollection how you doing now bro?
it’s been 6 months… how are you now?
@@luckyboy2933 I’m doing way better than I was back then. I feel significantly more comfortable in my own being. Additionally, I tried a 100-interaction-challenge at the same time and this also helped a lot. I’ve excelled a lot both in the workplace and outside of it. It’s great. Watching these videos was a really good starting point for me.
1. Use signaling (show liking) 2. We like people who like us ( the more we like people, the more people like us) 3. Use the similarity attraction affect 4. Highlight similarities ( we like people who are similar to us) 5. Be the real deal ( be real)
YESSIRRR when i get back to being in a social situation i need to do this ive locked myself in my mind lmao
The more we like someone the more they like us is a lie
The fourth point about being real reminds me of some childhood wisdom the late Mister Rogers taught: “You've made this day a special day, by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”
Yes! Love it. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Being liked is very important. You can love someone you don’t like. That says something lol
Don't become obsessed with being liked to the point where you get into "pushover" territory
I am over coming depression, always felt like people just do not like me. I am going to use your teaching to become better, thank you
Same
I hope you’ve made it through your depression 2 years later but just wanted to give a tip. Something I learned myself at a very young age and has served me well my whole life (I haven’t even watched this video yet) This tip is also a great way to help with depression because in a way ur helping somebody else. Putting your own problems and worries aside to listen to someone else’s story makes you feel valuable, appreciated and gives u a sense of purpose, which is what all of us are looking for. Why do u think so many people who suffer from depression become therapists?! ‘Give a man and why and he’ll endure almost any how’ -Nietzsche So here’s my tip: If you treat every person you meet as if they are an unopened book filled with interesting ideas, stories, quirks, skills and things you can learn and then you simply ask them about themselves in a genuine manner and show interest as if ur about to learn something new, interesting and useful, people will talk your ears off about themselves and their lives. Then just relate to them with a few things they’ve said but keep it at a minimum and don’t talk too much about yourself. Keep the focus on them. Be interested. Be understanding. Don’t be judgmental. Try to relate to what they are saying. People will remember that u made them feel interesting and useful and wanted and understood. All the things everyone wants to feel. They won’t like u. They’ll love u. And they won’t forget you especially in this narcissistic age we live in. This rarely doesn’t work in my opinion. Everyone has a story to tell and everyone is looking for someone to tell it to. Our epidemic of loneliness is due to an epidemic of narcissism and self-centeredness. Everyone is too busy caring about themselves to ask how their neighbor is doing and quietly everyone is crying alone in their bedrooms. If you become that person who genuinely wants to learn about someone, they will think very highly of you and it will take the focus off yourself, which will help with depression. Just my thoughts hope ur doing better these days
@@Kteeee That is such a nice idea. Thanks for sharing it with us
@@Kteeee defo need to take the focus off myself waaay moreee just one MAJORE problemo is that i need frnds and people to talk too!! Im trying bumble BFF, wink and whatever else i must overcome it all or ill DIE a thousand deaths every week. I do consider myself to be a keen listener but with my loneliness since the pandemicos! I really need to be able to express my probelms with myself but getting to know someone and laughing with them is my big goal so simple, many take this for granted IM SURE😢
Too many implied commitments in cultivating likeability. Just be friendly. Be kind, open, cheerful and try to help others succeed.
If someone like us sometimes we feel that people will have more expectations from us or vice versa.. Sometimes we run away because we feel pressured by them as they like us..
I think it's better to like yourself truly before going out and measuring your life according to what others think of you.
POP DATA, you do have a very good point & Sometimes we should work on liking ourselves 1st & many seem to judge us if we don't wish to or for whatevr reasons,cannot put ourselves out there for the liking.& thanks for seeing this 1 other important side.God wants us to like ourselves 1st,& then others,Aftr we hold him the Highest King..
The likeability loop is sooo real. Good insight. Everyone’s scared to make the first move.
I like Vanessa. She have that niceness about her that seems genuine.
Vanessa your amazing, empowering and optimistic it’s almost contagious thank you so much for your hard word much love can’t wait to see more and I’m so buying your book ❤️
Sometimes this isn’t true. If you like people too much they think you are easy or low value and then they disrespect you and take you for granted. But if you’re a bit aloof and hard to get then people actually respect you and want to earn your ‘like’. Human beings are insane.
Like is the appetizer of love. That’s spot on! Vanessa, I consistently enjoy your videos.
I’m hungry for appetizers now. 😋
@@soniasinghinternational that sounds sexual.
WILLY LYNCH no it doesn’t, ur just a perv
big thonk Why am i creasin at the reply 😂
@@bigthonk4904 no hes right it does. 99% of it is cause of the emoji she used.
The first tip alone helped me more than all of my years of searching KZhead for social skills. It’s so simple and make sense, thank you
Amazing person. Whole time she smiled and she sounded so sincere towards helping everyone. Each tip makes sense and she made it so simple to understand. 👏🏻great work
2:05 use signalling, be direct and don't hide your feelings . 4:43 if you like more people, more people will like you . 5:43 we like people who are like us so highlight your similarities . 8:07 be real/yourself
I love how you worded the “like circle”, I agree it’s best to be direct when you like someone, you do miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You need to voice what you feel.
This was good. I just recently stepped out of my shell and started a KZhead. It’s my way of liking myself more. And this video just boosted me a little more. Thank you 🙏
The second point is so relatable. I often find myself liking most people I meet, and I seem to get along with a lot of people I meet. This does not however translate into sustained friendships, I guess that effort is more...effortful
Vanessa’s the real, educated deal. Every word from her mouth is pure gold.
These days it’s all about boundaries which is why people remain to themselves
Seriously though, I don't let some people know I like them, because I don't want to talk to them.. I like some of my neighbors fine, I just don't want to have conversations with them...
this woman makes me feel safe
I think the thing that made me like this youtuber the most was her constant smile whilst talking. It made me feel safe and reassured.
This woman is an angel. You have changed my life one video at a time, thank you for opening my eyes
You are amazing, keep going 🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️ I am just watching you these days. It makes to keep watching everyday 🦅😍💪🏽
This is my favorite channel let me tell you. I’m obsessed and your insight has been extremely valuable! Thank you☺️
I really love you Vanessa Van Edwards every single video of yours give me a hope and love and confidence you are one of my best teachers 😍😍😍😍😍😍
Very useful information and I can honestly say that I have made the mistake of thinking my proficiency as a dependable, skilled worker would soar me to new heights and make me totally likeable in my profession. Not so.. you have to mingle, schmooze, laugh, relate, smile and relax around people you work with while at the SAME time, keep yourself securely insulated from those who have no intention of returning the like/love.. and with time, it becomes effortless I'm sure.
I have extreme social phobia and an anxiety disorder, just trying to show people I like them (just friendship-wise) drains me and freaks me out to the point where I just want to run to a bathroom and throw up. This video helps people who are able to express confidence I feel, but I can still appreciate the tips.
wow. after watching an uncountable umber of these types of videos for he past few months, nothing has helped me or made more sense to me than this video! I instantly understood why people came off as not liking me. it wasn't because im a terrible person, but because I'm trying to play it cool so I don't wanna make people think I like them, just in case they don't like me. I realized I should smile and say high in the halls and assume that people like me because whats the harm in doing that. I could look back on all the social experiences I've deemed as good or bad and asses why that was so, just based off of this video! Great Job👍😀
Where have you been all this years? You rock Vanessa!!!!
You deserve more my dear💖. You are one of my favorites. You changed my life and I REALLY LIKE YOU.
In summary Dear Vanessa, I really enjoy watching you and like so much because of many many things and values you represent but most of all is because "YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE & OUT" and I mean it with capital letters. Thank You so much for your Generosity, Honesty and much more qualities... GOD BLESS YOU FOREVER....!!!
I should have found your channel two years back. I so love your content!
This is why a lot of shows don’t make sense, being likable usually makes you more popular, but on tv, people who are rude and mean somehow become the popular kid. That’s also a reason why a lot of people are jealous of the “popular” person. Because of how liked they are by everyone.
The presentation of your videos are beyond perfection. I don't lose interest at all throughout video 🤗
Vanessa, you break down the science and make everything you say applicable.
Really cool stuff, Vanessa. I do coaching around referral marketing and your video is great confirmation of things I often discuss with my clients. I'm also a "returning student" (that's college speak for old person going back to school) and I'm pursuing a degree in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. I can't wait to apply information like this more often in the workplace. Thanks again for a great video!
This just makes me feel good! I'm ready to go out and like everybody I meet!
Some people want to just be left alone. Be careful who you talk to. Look for social cues. Like if they aren't directly looking at you they don't want to talk to you. They are just being polite.
All of your videos are insightful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing the. 😊
THAT LAST PART. THANK YOU! we love you!
I think it's a bad idea to get just anyone to like you, you'll become a people pleaser all your life, Just like yourself for who you are and the right ones will follow
1. Use signaling (show That you like them) 2. We like people who like us ( the more we like people, the more people like us) 3. Use the similarity attraction affect 4. Highlight similarities ( we like people who are similar to us) 5. Be the real deal ( be real)
4. Hello racism
🤗
5. If you’re real and eccentric you’re still only attracting a small percentage of people. So to be liked by everyone you’d indeed need to be fake.
@@sexyearthangel4god yeah.. it's like teaching multiplicative and at the end they say "don't use × symbol"
This is why smokers get along when confined to the smokers area. i've had some great conversations with total strangers who would probably not chat with you in other circumstances.
Factsss!
I'm not smoker, not cigarettes anyway. And I always sit with the smokers met some good friends like that.
Smokers are disgusting human beings always throwing their cigarette buts out of the car. It's the number trash item in the entire world! Just disgraceful 😞. The world isn't your fucking ashtray.
Vanessa, I really appreciate these videos! Thank you for sharing 😊
I wish i could talk like you :( Thank you so much for the info 🙏
One of the best video on the subject of likability.
Thanks Vanessa, another great value-added video on social behavior. I LIKE it a lot :)
I'm in love with you Vanessa 😁 ..... and NOT because of your stunning good looks , but because of your work to make the World a better place😘Thank you for what you do !🤗
Thanks for calling me awesome Vanessa I think you are pretty awesome too!
Watching her is so refreshing because she is genuinely really easy to like
Vanessa, this was INCREDIBLE!!! exactly what I needed ❤️
LĎA
Some of these tips are good to keep in mind especially when working in a job environment which can potentially help an employee find success. Awesome video and keep up the good work.
Thank you, my goal is to help you guys in your careers! I'm glad you enjoyed the video! =)
I've learned a lot about talkers to recognize someone who has low self-esteem. It's one thing to have an open conversation that includes everyone and something else when someone talks primarily about one's self. Those who talk about themselves all the time lack confidence--I stay away from them.
Overtly empowered, articulately curious with limitless powerful potential ideas flowing out 🤗🕊️
I think you hold on to such a great likability, and we do not have much in common. But I still like your apperance much
Information she gives out is golddust.Thought I was the only one who analysed their day after it was over.
Great video Vanessa!!!! I learned so much!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!
Storming it Vanessa keep it up research based findings like these enable and empower.
Basically be open and authentic , so simple yet so hard to do
Transparency, sincerity, capacity to understand
Vanessa seems easy to like and communicates well. Really expressive with her hands. Funny I haven't seen her before now.
Good video and I’ll take the nuggets of wisdom from this, not a but moment yet however all that you mentioned about hiding one’s likes of others or even attraction for other people is the stuff of drama particularly “subtext”. Very few people are on the nose or straightforward and/ or authentic. As a writer who wants to be better when comes to people hiding the truth from others (or even one’s self) I want to become a master of “subtext” be psychological and/ or dramatic. Fantastic video Vanessa 🙏🏾
Very detailed and cohorent to the topic. I almost didn't realize it's almost over because i was so into it. Good job! thank you so much! keep up!
Thank you Vanessa!
I love your videos. You also have a 'likable' smile. 😊
I love you Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Wow!! what a great video !! Thank you so much ...this is extremely helpful..😁
This is a gold mine for my line of work! Thank you, Vanessa!
I'm glad you enjoyed the video and that I can help in any way ❤
When you said that you really like you ..I felt so happy
Love you Vanessa! You know your stuff.
Nice video and Vanessa you are clearly a very likeable person. Thanks for the tips.
She s one super women!!! Love all her tips!! N videos. She Soo full of energy too!!!
I'm so grateful for her thank you Vanessa
I have a different opinion on "we like people who are like us". I would think we like people who have quality that we lack or aspire to have. But nevertheless, great video.
Thank you Vanessa, from Brazil. Your lessons is so top professional.
thank you for this video❤
You are way underrated, the talent you have and work you do is amazing.
Thank you so much!
@@ScienceOfPeople and your beautiful.
Thank you I appreciate that.Have a fun day.
Thank you for the advice. Cilantro is awesome
Fantastic vid..! What you said really makes sense.....Thanks.
Love it. Great skills. Thank you
I Love Vanessa ❤ Your videos don't come out fast enough for me.
Vanessa Van Edwards 😊 No LoL. Your welcome and your book is next on my reading list.
To be frank, i love your gesture and eloquency .you have really really impacted in me 😍
Thank you Vanessa!! 🙌
She’s so amazing
You are a marvelous gift to people in need to grow up their style of life 🌷🌷
I am afraid to be liked or even be socially engaged. My goal is to be invisible in public. Nobody knows me in real life. This keeps me safe.
In the end, your safety will turn to emptiness and consume you. Better to unsafe and not alone. Trust me on that one.
Fantastic, really amazing guide of lifeskills you are Vanessa, i have started liking you a lot after viewing this invaluable advice on liking and expressing it openly.Feeling Reverence for u, keep enriching us, thankyou.
That really helped mentally Thank you so much!
You are the grestest Vanessa! Great advice👍
Greatest I mean. I find the segments informative as well as enlightening 👍
People think I’m weird when I’m too nice . They look at me like I am Martian from outer space. I’ve gotten burned so many times that now I seem stand off ish. All I know is Jesus SAID TREAT OTHERS THE WAY You WANT TO BE TRATED . I will continue to do this. I did these that what she said was true I did enjoy making friends when I was younger. Kids are more genuine than adults .
I loved this tips!!!
The likability loop!!! OMG YESSSS. People do this so often, I have done it in the past, and no one knows how anyone feels. Hahaha... that part made me laugh because it's so true. Now I've gotten in the habit of doing just as you suggest and I immediately tell people straight out "hey I really like you!" and I give genuine and unique compliments as often as I can like "Hey, you're really creative in your solutions in a way that makes me really giddy. I like that and you!" FIRST BUMP. I noticed that as I grow older... for some reason I have moved from high fiving people to fist bumping. I've noticed that people get more excited about fist bumps. What do you think?
True
Fist pump is what boxers do to show sportsmanship before they beat each other.😇
@@elleellis1063 LOL !!! 😆
I could be the minority here, but I personally like fist bumps over high five. It feels more friendly as if that person is your close friends. On the plus side, you catch less germ from fist bumps over high five, but that's not what I'm going for. Lol
@@chanthana7694 I agree! And it's so much more fun.