How to Control Your Emotions: Feelings VS Behavior - Jocko Willink & Echo Charles
2017 ж. 19 Мам.
1 862 851 Рет қаралды
Excerpt from Jocko Podcast 68.
Join the conversation on Twitter: @jockowillink @echocharles
Excerpt from Jocko Podcast 68.
Join the conversation on Twitter: @jockowillink @echocharles
In my almost 45-years of life, I’ve found that CONSISTENT emotional self-control is one of the most difficult things to master.
Agree
Don't worry, we are emotional beings after all and we all act irrationally often doing what is NOT in our best interest. Hell, we could all be rich if we really wanted to, it's just that don't take the necessary steps that are required.
This is assuming we are all exactly the same right? Probably a lot easier for some than others.
AMEN !
Here here. Thought it was just me.
''Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking'' - The Godfather
Yeah right!!!! Now days , they are the ones you tell last
lots of great lessons from Godfather.
#FactChecked: Accurate
I can’t even tell my family what I’m thinking due to political differences
And, be careful who you tell what you're thinking about in your family. Even blood can betray.
Discipline equals freedom
Good call.
Aakarsh Chaudhary
Sounds a bit too much like "arbeit macht frei" to me.
Daniel Brett Exactly, because it's the same idea. See the sick irony that the Nazis played was that you were going to work, but not be freed. But the statement is true outside of death camps. If you tend to do stuff, you get more chances to do what you want. If you tend to not do stuff, you'll hardly ever do anything you wish to do. At least that's how I figure it.
Thanks! I'm following the concept but I wouldn't adopt the mantra because peoples' minds will surely go where I've just pointed.
A calm mind is the most powerful tool you have against your challenges
Level heads prevail
Take your Stumbling Blocks... Ànd turn them into stepping stones 😂
Button your lip, hold your tongue. Better they think you're stupid then open your mouth and remove all doubt. Don't show your cards. This is a great video for dealing with a narcissist. Watched it 4 times.
I've just come across this video and comment and I couldn't agree more, I'm currently going through my own changes to attract a better quality of life and people into it and it starts with this right here
I’ve been learning about human emotions, human behavior, human psychology for almost three years. I’ve learned how important they are, and how they drive us, whether we realize it or not. By no means am I a “manly man” or a muscular one at that. Yet, I actually AGREE with Jocko. When it comes to the minor things, the 1’s and 2’s in life, if you’re constantly expressing your feelings about them, you’re basically admitting you can’t handle minor challenges in life. Being hungry is nothing. Having 20 emails to sort through is nothing. If you’re always venting, it shows he world you don’t know how to handle the stress and you don’t have the belief that you can resolve the issue. Think about it- babies cry because they absolutely cannot help themselves. Little kids complain because they are typically powerless to change things, or they believe a broken cookie somehow ruins their day. These are minor things that an adult can instantly navigate...or at least, they should be able to..... And to be clear, Jocko clarifies himself- MAJOR challenges should be expressed freely. Divorce? Death? Addictions? You can’t stuff those down. Many veterans try to, and sadly we have so many of them committing suicide because they don’t allow themselves to grieve and process the trauma.
It's been 6months since that comment but I feel like I had to hear this. Thank you :)
Thank you!
Preach ✊🏼
Paused the video to read. This is factual. People let themselves get flustered at the smallest hiccup.
This has always been one of my demons that I've battled with my whole life. Not being allowed or able to let out the 8.5's. Controlling the 1's & 2's are no problem for me. But I've never really had a way to release the major 8.5's & larger. Currently, I'm still trying to get over losing my now ex Fiancée. This is one of the 8.5 pluses on the Richter scale right now. But my circle of people I've got to talk to - they treat it like it's only a 1 or 2. I'm trying to forget her. But man, that's not so simple. She wasn't just some girlfriend for a few weeks that you can just dust off and move on to the next flower. She was all I wanted. I was going to marry her. I want to see maybe a councilor or something. But I have to be able to afford it first. I just want the pain to stop.
Don't let your emotions spill out on others, process them in a healthy way in your mind. Figure it out, pick it apart, beat it, move on...
That's what the mentally strong are able to do, my brother! Some people can't combat that in their minds, unfortunately.
How do you guys process them?
@@michaeldavidmontalvo2402 instead of lashing out or complaining verbally. Think why I'm mad.
I love this
That's a skill!
I think I had a feeling once, that shit was weird.
As a fellow Garrett - I endorse this sentiment with the utmost sincerity.
I hurt my favorite pickle's feelings the other day. His name is Garrett, are you that pickle??
Lmao 😂
Lmao 😂
@@garretshook3911 low-key most guys named Garret are like that haha
Holy shit Jocko laughs he is human I knew it.
Daniel Kurd No it's his Terminator coding. It's very advanced and tells him when to laugh.
Daniel Kurd Lmao
"I know now why you laugh."
He just wants to win. "Laughter Wins."
2:46 hahahaha bruhhhh
Stifle the spontaneous emotions. I always think "Will this be a problem in a weeks time" - no doubt it will be forgotten about.
GoWithTheFlow putting the immediate issue in the light of a weeks time passed is fucking genius! Thank you.
If it's not gonna matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.
Love this so much i wrote it down
The irony: an Iraqi guy: me watching an American man: him in a world where our nation's were at war this video brings us together - knowledge knows no race - God bless America - God bless Iraq - God bless the world - ooh raah
Mike Anderson 2002 Apparently you haven’t been listening to these guys either. Multiple times over they would denounce what you just did here to this guy. He expressed a positive vibe and something uniting. You did nothing but come out and act like the typical surly atheist that can’t control his emotional outbursts.
Mike Anderson such a dick thing to say
@@wiskeymagic kinda true though. Organized religion is the opium of the masses.
Don Z lmao what a idiot you made yourself to be. Religion is the cause of the most wars? Care to explain and provide more evidence? And just to put the cherry on top. You degrade religion basically say it’s bull crap. Then go on to say your not atheist. Even though earlier you said we don’t have answers to life and no knowledge on that etc. That’s basically what an atheist is. It’s literally someone who doesn’t believe. And thinks that a deity figure is unknowable. You dunce
We were never at war with the Iraqi people, . We were at war with Saddam and his government.
It's not about keeping your emotions in. It's that there is a time and place for everything. And that time isn't right now, and that place isn't in public.
Crying is actually good for you- tears contain high concentrations of stress hormones. When you cry, the stress hormones are released and you feel better because they've left your body, but save crying for when you're on your own or with people you trust not to judge you for it or use it against you. If you're feeling sad, you're feeling sad. It doesn't help you get things done if you turn into a blubbering wreck every 5 minutes.
Public is the best place to whoop some randoms arse. Just kiddin
“Separate your feelings form your behavior” I needed this today!! Thanks Echo!!!🙏
My philosophy and what I teach my kids... Control your emotions, don’t let your emotions control you.
jjonathan360 Use it like fire
reminds me of the scene in gladiator when caesar makes fun of maximus' wife and kids in the arena, trying to get him to attack so he'll have reason to punish him
Don’t repress emotions, control them. Repressing is running away from the problem, controlling them is addressing it. You control them by realizing if these feelings are justified or not for the current situation. Challenge your emotions, hold them up to objective reality and draw the conclusion as to whether or not they make any sort of logical sense.
Very nice
“I’m doing jiu-jitsu, what are you doing?...sitting there and being weak...” -Jocko Willink 🤣🤣🤣
Buddhists say to NOT let your anger out - keep it in and learn how to work with it
There is a difference between understanding your emotions, using others to help understand and deal with your emotions, and then just being a whiney volotile undisciplined cry baby. When jocko says "stifle your emotions", I think what he's saying is "don't identify with your emotions". Understand the difference between they guy who he experiences anger and recognizes that, and the guy who IS anger/angry, and cannot differentiate his anger from himself and is compelled by his emotion. Tail wags dog.
@@kaufmanat1 who are you arguing with?
@@ezzy7151 u being serious? I was providing my perspective. Spend less time reading KZhead comments. Not everything is an argument.
@@kaufmanat1 ,you're so on point and i support you 100%. Ignore the trash.
@@ezzy7151 I'm telling you, he wasn't arguing, if something that obvious is incomprehensible to your brain.He was articulating his understanding and wisdom, shared his insight so that people like me got helped to understand how to stifle emotions healthily. If he didn't put the time to share his insight, I and many others might have misinterpreted the healthy context and repress anger unhealthily.
Real testosterone vibes right here. I feel good watching this.
True, it is a very masculine talk. Refreshing. I am a woman but rather hear an uncomplicated talk. There, men have a huge advantage over us. To think in concepts, not feelings. The day a man gets too emotional, he looses attractive and becomes weak. It does not belong to the male mind setting.
@@p.b4287 Goddamn, lady, where do they make them like you? Hot AND smart! (If that's you in the picture that is) Truer words are rarely spoken. Godspeed
@@catholicspaniard8796 oh boy...............
I'm not even a man and yet I resonate with it. Emotional outbursts just complicate things and I don't like dealing with that from myself or others. Instead, I find it more constructive to internally (or even externally, through hobbies or something useful) deal with the emotion, or refuse to feed it if it's petty or needlessly negative. It doesn't come naturally to everyone though, and therapy can definitely help.
@@p.b4287 I wish I could find a woman with your mindset
Jocko has some psychic power to understand, what i am going through. About a week ago it was how to get over a breakup now controlling emotions. Exactly what i need!
can you link the breakup one?
DGK201 bro I love hearing people think the same as I do!
me too, I was becoming an alcoholic , I'm sober exercising and eating healthy.
Hang in there brother.Your a better man.
I'm going thru a breakup too and it sucks. she's gone and I want to wallow in self pity, but he'll no. I'm going to look at it and say GOOD. It's a chance for me to self examine and get better for another woman later on in life.
Jocko I love you- you have changed my life. I never imagined I would be a healthy type or an exercising type. Keep spreading the positivity and love and help.
Keep grinding
Stoicism!
Yup...act on your principles, not your emotions.
The best philosophy to live by no doubt, but almost impossible to live by throughout life as you have to adapt to situations and environments that expect more of you than just being a stoic. Not to mention this "you should always be happy" delusion society puts on us.
Seneca wrote some great books on anger. The take home point is that anger should never be expressed or acted upon, because you will end up doing something stupid instead of what the rational mind dictates is the correct course of action.
@@lambd01d I've been studying that for a while now... Stoicism too.. It gives you mental and emotional stability... Once you master your emotions you become Unstoppable 🕊️
@@True38 me too. Only thing I disagree with stoicism is problem with "suffering". Christian philosophy, specially the Catholic one, deal with it in a better way.
"Does the football coach go and show his playbook to the other team?" "Not, typically, no." God I love Echo's little comments sometimes. Great video, always valuable content
Mark Martinez haha Echo just fades out with it🤣
H = hungry A = angry L = lonely T = tired
I was taught my feelings were created by my thoughts. Change the energy. I'm angry, because I'm thinking this threatens me, scares me. Deal with that in my mind change the thought, change the energy. Now I'm not angry. Just what I was taught, works for me. LOL 99% of the time.
Trying this one
I needed to see this. Can you elaborate a little bit more please?!
Same here.. works 100% for me . That technique helped me get sober. I was an addict for 15 years. Now sober for 2
It's not really true though- more like the other way around. Emotions have existed much longer than thoughts in an evolutionary sense, but the rational mind can override emotions.
fr
Accept your feelings. Don't act on them unconciously, don't push them down, just think about them unbiasedly and decide how best to act. Love it!
Exactly, name them, recognize them, don't suppress them but don't dwell on them.
In Japan where I live, 'stifling the emotions' in the sense Jocko is saying, is an expected norm of society, especially in more traditional areas. Westerns who are often unable to do that, are seen as immature and volatile.
That is because us Americans are suffering from a narcissism epidemic.
veilofreality yet both in the western world and japan suicide is huge
One has to be able to work out those emotions. But of course releasing your crap into other people is not the correctly.
Yeah and why Japan has an extremely high suicide rate.
And if you can control your emotions you are considered a freak....people are too fucking stupid and they allways wine and cry...
I feel its appropriate to say "conceal don't feel, don't let them know"
the past is in the PAAAASSSTTTT
I think most of the people in the comments think they said that any expressiom of emotion is bad, which they did not, they said to not let the little things take over how you behave, but that holding in big issues is not good
Exactly. I think a lot of people misunderstood.
Just got my first big boy job after college. Since day 1 everyone training me has expressed a lot of emotional strife to me personally as I go through my day to day training. Everything you both have talked about in this video couldn't be more true. I can see how me keeping my mouth shut makes me look like a stronger employee and more capable to move up the corporate ladder because I'm positive and willing to handle any situation regardless of how I feel on the inside. Before I even saw this video I was telling myself "just keep your mouth shut and do the best job you can and learn all you can". Great advice man
Proverbs 29:11 AMPC A [self-confident] fool utters all his anger, but a wise man holds it back and stills it.
Aaron Wilson that’s good stuff
kzhead.info/channel/PL1ZC-1HJaptzXBxloxlH1soq855cHOUnc.html
Amen!
Theres a disticnt difference between feeling your emotions and expressing your emotions. Its okay to listen to sad or angry music because you feel that emotion. Its not okay to lash out or subject other people to your sadness or anger.
Reacting vs. Responding vs. Evaluating internally
Everyone needs to watch this. Way too many people have zero discipline over their emotions. Not only that, they weaponize them. Meaning they use their emotions to hurt others. Like road rage, verbally attacking people in public and stores, verbally attacking their family. So many unhinged people totally not in control of their emotions. And of course, uncontrolled emotions can lead to physical altercations and abuse as well.
These videos help you understand every military service member in your family. Jocko just makes it all make sense
There's a time and place to let your emotions out. Heart to heart talk, crying and letting it out with a best friend or mentor over coffee is good. In the workplace or talking to a complete stranger and letting out emotions is a sign of instability. Fire in a barbecue is awesome, fire all around your house...maybe not so good.
Good comment
“Fire in a barbecue” Nice quote.
Shit that's bad news for professional musicians and artists, they express their emotions almost exclusively in the workplace to complete strangers and get paid for it lol
Keep your emotions to you.
Fire in a barbecue is awesome , fire all around your house...maybe not so good bruh that comment is firr
Hearing this three years ago has been some of the best advice I have gotten to date, Its made me a better dude and I thank these two for that.
Always learning, control starts internally and manifests itself outwards. Jocko and echo are great together! Thank you for your contribution to the world!
The quote I like is from Nero Wolfe: Treat emotions like desserts, freeze them and keep them in your belly.
Everyone comments on Jocko, but Echo is a very intelligent man...shout out to you both!! Helped me realize my potential.
I had to watch this before my shift, I was losing my shit
I’m watching this because I have horrible problems with anger that have caused me to hurt people I love. I’m either calm or raging mad, no in between really. It sucks. As soon as something upsets me my heart starts racing and I start sweating profusely. I honestly don’t know why I’m like this. I’ve gotten slightly better over some time but I still blow up way more than I should. These videos have helped some so I’m grateful for that but I have a long way to go.
A year later, I hope you're well. I also struggle with something similar, but we can get through it. It's important to simply not give up. After all, it's only a habit of the mind. We can take back control of ourselves and win the war. Much love
I’m 41 and feel the same way . I almost allowed it to ruin my relationship then I really started listen to Jocko and working on the mental game and it’s amazing what some good knowledge and motivation does to one ! I first heard him JREpodcast and was fascinated with how much Joe Rogan respected and was moved by Jocko and was hooked from that point on . Thank you Jocko $ Echo
I love the dynamic these two have. The greatest friendship ever
Dude, echo’s arms are motivation.
ur emotions are just a temporary veil over ur eyes that come and go like thoughts. just leave them be, be aware of the emotional state ur in, and like they say. just keep it in💪🏻
Jocko should have an entire episode (or most of it) dedicated to emotional control.
echo charles arms are bigger than my fking leg hahah, big sob he is, lots of wisdom from these guys
“Stifle your emotions” words to live by
Thank you for this one. I needed to hear the analogy of cards with emotions. Do not show the emotions or you don’t have the power. Thanks again.
Emotions are signals. Let them guide you instead of letting them control you. Thanks for all your amazing input Jocko!
I needed this. God bless
Man, have to recognize the golden nuggets and put them to use. Thanks Jocko and Echo for sharing these gems
that's why mentors are so important. someone who wants to pour into you is willing to hear about your problems. most of the time they will share their problems too! I have a few mentors, my closest one is a marine and he's so good at maintaining his emotions especially when I'm acting like an ass lol. I hope I'm half as good as my mentor when the mentoring baton comes my way.
I actually WANT these guys to give lectures everywhere
You can't bury it and you can't express it either. Those can't be the only options. The best bet is to accept things as they are at the same time as striving for what you want, but your behavior has to be fully disconnected from those emotions. You have to be vulnerable enough to be honest, and then be integral enough to be comfortable with honesty. Its hard work. You have to become who you actually want to be. You don't share your emotions with everyone, but in your relationships, communication and trust matter. Wake up every day and be who you want to be. Write a long list of things you want to accomplish and start checking them off. You don't have to hold in your emotions. Just don't share everything with everyone. Its the only way to take care of those we love, is if we take care of ourselves. That's a huge step. A lot of ppl are missing self-worth at the core. That's all the trouble is. Being a support to those who you love, who love you, is all the worth you'll ever need. Make the lives of those you love, better, any way you can, every day. That's what gives us self-worth. Notice the people who are in your daily life. Give them the most support. Those are your people. Being a part of something is where our worth comes from. If you don't have anyone, become dependable enough that you could take care of others. There are plenty of people who need to be taken care of, but not a lot of people are ready to take care of others. Be ready to take care of people you love and they will arrive.
The thing is that your real self is not your weakest self. In any situation you have a lot of choices, and they're all you. If I decide to spend the days playing games or watching netflix, that's me. If I decide to work out as hard as I can, that's me. If I decide to watch these videos, that's me too. You don't need to be someone you're not to achieve what you want, just be your best self.
I'm gonna go train ju jitsu. What are you doing? Sitting down and being weak? Lmao!
shut your fookin mout
God this triggered me and I don’t even train jiu jitsu
@@lundquistrealestate8113 good, start training ju jitsu
Yes, currently.
@@enniemeanieminnie thinkin about training jiu jitsu too.
"My daughter cut weight for wrestling..." Ahahahahaha even his daughters are total badasses and are probably more manly than most! XD
If someone has a daughter and they aren't a wrestler or judoka, that person is abusing their daughter and serving her up to wolves.
I was just thinking the same. Peak Jocko right there.
Talking about another man's manliness is hella ghey
ihateoregonians make sure to teach them how to shoot times are changing in our schools 😏
Why does being tough have to be manly, it sounds like they are strong women.
Delighted I found the Jocko podcast. This guy has changed my perspective on life so much. Everyday I try as best I can to GET AFTER IT.
This was such a great listen. I’ve been looking up videos on emotions and how to manage, understand, accept, etc. This is the only video that broke it down to very simple explanation. Thank you.
Good evening, Echo. "Be like that on the inside, be #GOOD on the outside.". Perfect.
Lol! 2:10 This whole KZhead channel is brilliant! I come everyday to see some of Jocko's new vid cus it's interesting, educational, and basically feels like you are part of conversation with awesome people you never had as a friends. That's really what people miss nowadays, great job!
What he means is, process your emotions correctly on the inside, and they'll go away without having to be let out
this is hands down the best session I’ve ever listened to 🙏🏼 thank you jocko
Mid work out bursting out laughing in the gym every time jocks says “stifle your emotions”
I'm here watching men's advice for myself 🤦🏼♀️, currently left an ongoing toxic AF relationship and this all helps lololol.
Charmaine Thompson Good Luck mate!
this really spoke to me! thank you for being so raw and real! Don't let em see you sweat!
I got a feeling there was a big request for this clip for everyone's wife and gf
Thanks for this unisex channel its not one of these bashing women channels it for men and women I've enjoyed a couple of videos so far👂
I needed to hear this, I gotta learn to control my emotions, I have to not let things bother me & fly off the handle, I let the enemy win being like that, putting my foot down now 🙏🏾
Yes🙌🏻🙏🏻
Yep, bought "Discipline equals freedom" and it's on its way now!! Can't wait to read, learn, apply, and live it!!! Love these podcasts!!
“Separate feelings from behavior” Love that esp coming from very emotional/“feely” person
I know this is a little old but WOW... this just open my eyes like crazy.
Just finished Extreme Ownership, and I love Jocko even more now haha. Awesome dude.
just stumbled on this podcast today. This is exactly what I needed.
Always making me think. I needed this today!!!
I like these discussions. more thoughts on how to deal with daily problems.
Can we just get a clip of Jocko saying "Stifle. Your emotions. Inside." I will hear this in my head from now on anytime I'm about to react haha
@Quantum Entanglement. Hahahaha same here, perfect timing
Jocko and Charles are amazing and I have learned so much from this podcast that at times I feel like a complete loser because I am not doing everything I can or should be and it’s a great motivator to sit down and listen to there podcast and learn from the stuff they have to say because it’s all very simple but yet our human nature sometimes does not let us win or prevail because we are so worried about what others think and what they. Will say to us and with these guys they say be your best all the time and do the right thing !!!
I could listen to these guys for hours. Love it!
External events don't create strong emotions. It's the person's interpretation of the events. Of course if something catastrophic happens you will respond with strong emotions but to the degree in which you feel those is a choice.
Just started a 3 day fast that was good to hear thanks
Jocko, I listen to your podcast while I work out. Thank you for all the knowledge and wisdom that you spread!
Thanks for being you. You have no idea how much this stuff helps at times.
Separate your feelings from behavior.. That's controlling your emotions
STIFLE YOU'RE EMOTIONS😈 I will hear jocko saying that to me now every time I start feeling a little pissy lol
I hear it in his growl in my head when I'm at work and it makes me smirk to myself! Lolz! That's and also " *BACK IN THE DAY!* " Hahaha! 😂😂😂😂
Ty Jocko, transforming myself is taking a lot of work,but its very rewarding,your podcasts are terrific
Jacko you have a great sense of humor.
If you let your anger out, even in the gym, just acts as a reward system for being angry. And you get angry more often. Better to realise that you're a human, that the feelings eating you up are just being made in your head. See where they come from and let it go and forget about it. Stifle your emotions !
Sam Smith that's a really interesting observation!
Anger is a source of energy. Any negative emotion (jealousy, fear, regret) can be turned into anger and, through some simple primal alchemy, turned into a(n unlimited?) source of energy one can use for positive things. Build a birdhouse, work out, mow the lawn....it can all be done using the negative emotions you INITIALLY stifle and then CONSCIOUSLY/KNOWINGLY turn into anger-fuel. Getting angry or sad isnt weakness....letting it affect your behavior is. Stay quiet, straight faced, and out of jail....and then use it to power your positivity/productivity. Just gutting the negative emotion without dealing with it MIGHT be macho, but it will have you dead or in jail eventually.
Sam Smith read Osho - Emotions its amazing! 👍
Big up for this comment! Thanks for the insight!!
I really liked this comment! =)
it’s not so much of stifling your emotions, it’s not letting your emotions affect how you treat other people
This was a great clip to hear. I have definitely "showed my cards" way too often in life and have had to learn that lesson. Being "real" is not more important than my own self growth and development and I must remain disciplined in those moments when I want to overshare a feeling or emotion. Thank for you yet another great lesson Jocko
Awesome episode! Love the topic, the depth, and how they were informative while not being dull
It's one thing to be emotionally detached, and quite another to conceal emotion.
In mental health circles, there is a big difference between letting out or repressing emotions (unhealthy) and processing emotions (healthy). Acknowledging your current emotional reality and then behaving in a responsible way anyway is the sweet spot for a fulfilling life.
That last part of the segment, I felt deeply. I harbored every emotion I had about my dad passing away when I was a child. And, it causes problems that I’m still working through to this day. I’m doing much better, but man there was a lot of pent up pain to get through before getting to the better feeling place.
Thank you sir for this. I'm working on myself and I look up to both of you.
"Detach and Handle". These are the words I use to keep myself on point. Working around inmates, who want to get into your, and each others', faces is a challenge. When there's a physical confrontation that is possibly coming. I would get swept up into the emotion. I would feel that adrenaline and I would go. Then, after the fact, I would do a mental debrief and review the situation. I heard, and read, what Jocko had to say about "Detaching". So, I tried it. I would think, or actually say "detach" and my next thought would be "handle it". It's working. I'm stepping outside the emotion and seeing the whole situation...without the tunnel vision of adrenaline. Thanks Jocko. This ol' guy is benefiting.
You let your tears out at HOME, and in the SHOWER.
There is a difference between feelings and behavior....brilliant statement 👏
I really think you are such a beautiful, feeling yet strong man. I love that I found you!