Norm Macdonald's BEST JOKE - The Dirty Johnny Joke

So...what does the punchline mean. Sorry. Didnt get it.

Dirty Johnny spent half his life ridin' the trains by this point in his life.

@@cckmanofsteel2393 a real man of the world.

@@ThomasPowellNZ you know what time it is. Wanna know who else knew what time it was? Richard Clock

I think you mean like a DIRTY old man

and becky too

Thank God for Norm.

Or we'd all be lost

1:40

Tell the folks at home what the hatchery is

Thank god for the hatchery

Or we’d all be lost…

@@adammcgregor312 I love the way he says that. Like they're in some post-apocalyptic world and the hatchery is their only way to stay alive.

my favorite is the "and he felt pride where shame once was"

Both phrases need to be on t-shirts

@@8OBO8 or in some old timey small town where they have one industry and it’s the hatchery

It wasn't though. How do you people find that disjointed blah blah blah rambling hilarious? Took him five whole to choke that shit out and then the punchline wasn't even good.

@@reaper411b he didnt get it

@@reaper411bthat’s the joke. He’s known to waste airtime on what could have been a one liner. Hosts hated it. But those who know however

@@reaper411b You don’t belong here

@@reaper411bThe point is he constantly adds stuff on the fly which aren't in the actual joke, and these are (without his inputs) otherwise very well known jokes, the funny part is actually his fucking around (improv) in between.

underated

Haha.

there, in the glory

Well played

It wasn't urine at all, but ejaculant.

😂😂😂

This gets me every time

HahahahahahahahahahahaHHHHH!!!!

I was a teacher and this is accurate.

Loved it.

Had never been tried before

always been my favorite part of this whole joke. "well goddamn," said the teacher.

This is what I was searching for … I thought he said Glory that fucking killed me 🤣🤣🤣

I think about this line once a week

Cos it's originally a WW1 joke.

And Uncle Terry had a Glock in Vietnam......

Thats how long Norms jokes are

I burst out in laughter when I read your comment. Hahahahahaha I didn't even notice!! 🤣

Lol exactly

What an achievement

Yeah TF it wasn't Todd Glass....

and the fact its a 25 year old joke. RIP

he was entranced like we all were lol

@View Bot laughter is something if not involuntary

What was the point of the punchline. missed it

" so absurd its utterly brilliant" . I think that says it all!

Check out Alcoholism is a disease by Norm.

When Norm is driving the bus, you don’t know where you gonna end up. But you never ask “are we there yet”. Now that’s talent.

I think he took perfection a step further when he told this joke on Stern. However, I like the deliver of the punchline better here.

the glint in his eye, too, when 'thank God for the hatchery'

My favorite line. Pure poetry

@@BradGoyvaerts I feel like this is the climax of the joke! it was so surprising from the plot and yes, surprisingly poetic. the moral at the end is just a sweet bonus :D

​@@robertschiller5422 it is the climax indeed!

@@igorszamaszow171 Explain to the folks at home what 'ejaculate' is.

Somebody once told me it was not urine but infact ejaculate.

With Norm I laugh so many times on the way to the punch line I don't even care how it ends.

Yes, of course, THANK god for the hatchery!!

“he could be funny reading a phone book” as i’ve heard tell

"You open the virtual campus webpage and BY GOD and you enter your username and password, as you remember the youthful follies that led you to choose that of all combinations of letters and numbers to protect your access to the campus. After you shake away the sadness you click on a button that says Sign up, but there's nothing up about the task ahead..." and then you lost an entire minute

Absolutely

I’ve actually memorized this joke nearly word for word, and when I tell it, there are two reactions. One is utter shock and disgust. The other is unabashed belly laughing.

Norm is 80% of my KZhead feed, has been for years and won’t change anytime soon.

@@JH-qs7ph I miss him very much. I can withstand the madness of our times as long as I counterbalance it with Norm's irreplaceable humour, especially at the end of the day.

​@@BridgesOnBikesand that's how you find out which friends are worth keeping.

it's good storytelling and funny mannerisms in a yarn story. it's not about being good at being crap or picasso. really isn't that deep.

Did you just say Norm told this joke badly? That was a masterclass, you wouldn't be able to find one person on Earth that can tell it better. Not Chappelle, not Regan, nobody. It wasn't a crap joke it was genius, even though it was gross. The setup through punchline were hilarious and perfectly told.

⁠@@UnrealTech9403Chappelle I think could handle this kind of joke. Though I agree it’s a difficult style of comedy to pull off

​@@ekothesilent9456Yeah, the not funny kind of comedy is always the hardest.

@@johnboylan3832 funny is subjective. You put too much value on your own opinions, to the point you think they are valuable to share on the internet. You’re a real buckaroo.

I think he's told the same joke before. I believe he credits the ejaculate story to a real veteran he talked to on the street. I hope it's true cause it takes a mad man like Norm to work it into a joke like this.

@@coryc9040 he did it on the Howard Stern show aswell. That version is even greater, in my humble opinion.

@@MrPink12345 why?

@@steamedyam Because she says the moral is "don't count your chickens before they hatch out of an egg." And the teacher says "Very good. Though you might want to shorten it a little."

@@coryc9040 It kind of reminds me of a scene in the book Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, where police snipers are waiting to shoot the cowgirls while sporting erections. I think that book was written in the mid-70s. Maybe the book was inspired by that same veteran.

This isnt even the best version of this joke from him!

@@alexbaker1305 When he tells this joke to this radio guy with the curly long hair,i think hes name is Stern!

@@alexbaker1305 Its on Howard Stern

He really was.

Same, agreed 100%

Funniest line in the joke. The way he says it, he’s all serious

And Doug Graves felt joy where sadness once was

I’m sure Norm told this joke dozens of times and I’m sure every single time the joke was told differently… he had a knack for making stuff up as he went along…😂

C’mon Doug, was it ejaculate or urine, we gotta know 😂

It wasn’t tears, but ejaculate.

And presumably the teacher knew they were in for a doozie before the tale even began. And the teacher refers to a child as "Dirty Johnny"

By a child😂

The punchline is like the tenth funniest part

My favorite comedian, Norn Macdomald.

I wish the person who posted this would've left the last few seconds of laughing and him apologizing for telling such a long joke 😂👍

Really? Jesus Christ

I'll bet you feel guilty being a girl and all. Maybe not. Can I have your phone number

Good thing you only had tears and not pee in pants though. That would be shameful

Those aren't tears at all, but ejaculate. You should feel proud.

I can't believe how long it took me to come across this.

an oath to the children

It's actually an old joke.Only norm could tell it as well as he did he did, the way that he did.

@@bigorange000 I would posit that Gilbert Gottfried was the only one who could tell *every* joke well though.

Thank god for the hatchery...

#Hardon

at least top 3 of all time.

@@laza6141 there are so many. Norm makes me smile and wonder where he's going + being so offensive all the time. He may not of had the #1 best stand up special at any one point in time, but he made me laugh the most over a long period.

@@brandonfry1333 I don't think he was the best stand up comedian of all time, but he was the funniest human being on the planet

Oh he definitely was the best ever. No one comes close to making me laugh as hard. Such a loss.

Certainly my favorite.

I like the part where all the children die

We get to journey with Uncle Terry, only to be interrupted by the teacher who brings us back reality. The moral of the story: when Uncle Terry's been drinking, you don't fuck with him.

for real, they even both grab their baseball caps at the moment the story really gets real

No distress signal had been sent! Weren't even listed overdue for a week.

What a legacy.

I was crying from the hilarious joke. Now I'm crying thinking about him being gone

True that. He was a legend.

Rip great one

We're lucky.

We all know he meant M16 and 1911s.

@@kdbrown777 What a terrible name for a gun. Reminds me of that national tragedy.

@@Tetus7 Come on now, don’t laugh at 9/11.

@@ASJC27 thats why hes the sultan bro

Now remember, it's Dirty Johnny telling the story here. Brats these days can't separate different types of pistols or assault rifles for that matter. It's all Glock this and AK that.

No problem :)

@@normshorts Hey why did you crop the video? Is there some kind of copyright on the original video of this joke or something? For some reason the full version of this joke only seems to be on Dailymotion which is a pity.

@@churbay1 I'm pretty sure netflix owns the old Norm Macdonald Live episodes now, so unaltered clips of it probably have a good chance of getting caught and taken down

@@maxtenu Ah I see. Cheers for the info.

@@maxtenu kinda weird how we all use a platform that allows censorship in the name of copyright infringement

Exactly, it’s got airs of the famous aristocrats joke by comedians for comedians. The punch line is simply the end of the adventure.

Stalin was just as bad.

@@eugener9706 ....or so the Germans would have us believe

Nah he's a good guy

@@Nostalgia_Addict yeah, he's just an old chunk of coal

proud fella you know

I’m so doing this on my way to work tomorrow

It’s one of the best, along with Russell brand, super Dave, and then from the Netflix series, judge Judy and Carl Reiner, jane Fonda, not everyone is sharp enough for him but when they are it’s magic, I’m a Brit and he’d have killed it here, should have been world famous , don’t usually dig stateside comedy other than curb and Larry sanders.

Yeah, that was a great episode.

Agreed, this one is stronger. The Stern version lacks energy to where it's almost sad in places. This one keeps moving fast enough that it doesn't sink in, so it stays hilarious.

@@lucenceparency7870 I agree and it just goes to show you that norm was always working hard at his craft.

This version is so much better I almost don't like the other one somehow

Its hard to admit to people that you bayonetted a baby

Your father-in-law ought to feel pride where shame once was.

My father-in-law is a Vietnam vet and by all accounts saw some really bad shit over there. It took him 20 years to tell my mother-in-law anything that he witnessed there and doesn't speak to anyone else about it, certainly not my wife or her bothers and sisters. But, I'll tell you what. He never broke a God-damned egg in his life. /fixed

@@nealorr5086 lol good one

my godfather got stuck behind enemy line after Normandy…he would never talk about WW2, any war causes trauma, God bless soldiers, they deserve respect.