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TIMELINE
0:00 Intro
0:23 The anatomy of charisma
1:53 Name of the game
2:55 Be interested
4:27 Conversational threading
5:18 Imperfect is the new perfect
6:34 The halo you give, the halo you get
7:38 Self-assurance
8:22 Have fun!
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❤ Sadia
Are there any communication skills you’ve picked up over the years that you find super helpful? 🧐 📲 Get the Pick Up Limes app (1-week free trial!): bit.ly/PUL_app
@pickuplimes Three things Just like you mentioned be interested! Second for 'my personal life', not to have an opinion on everything. And to know what are topics that are okay to talk about and what are not.
I related so much to this video! I always feel super anxious and self conscious when talking to someone I want to 'influence', you know...The think you talked about vulnerability and authenticity is so true! People relate to you more and feel comfortable around you❤ This is what I have started to incorporate and it really helped me not feel as guilty as I did before😅❤ Loved the video.
Saying someone's name at the beginning and end of the sentence , mirroring helps with commumication skills
One of the ways I have found that really helps when communicating are mental intention and emotional sincerity. It's so easily nowadays to be distracted or ready to talk about yourself while the other person is talking. When having a conversation, be sincere, intentional and if possible, emotionally engaged. Most people, noting body language and unconscious queues, know whether or not you're really interested or distracted. I think intention and sincerity are key.
Oh my goodness, such a fantastic information. One thing that I follow is - “ do not share your opinion unless asked”. Sometimes people want to hear what they want to hear so giving them choices such as “ do you want to hear the truth or something comforting”. Also, objectifying conversations will help avoid subjective assumptions and biases.
Listen, I CRIED when I watched this. I've always felt like there's been some secret class that I must have missed on how to interact well with others. I'm warm, and I love people, but I get so stuck in conversations that i go out of my way to avoid them. It's often caused me so much frustration and feelings of isolation, even when I'm surrounded by people I love. This feels like that secret class. Thank you ❤️
Hey Abigail, I’m really touched to hear that this resonated with you so deeply. It’s heartbreaking to feel isolated, especially when you are warm and love people. It sounds like you've been carrying this for a while, and I’m glad this could offer some solace and guidance. You’re not alone in this journey, and I believe in your ability to build meaningful connections. Keep being your wonderful self, and thank you so much for sharing your heart ❤️
❤
@@PickUpLimes hi gorgeous you look great and your video was fantastic. I was interested in working with you as a video editor for your KZhead channel.
You might be autistic, Abigail. I'm autistic and even though I understand and can read social cues just fine, it's still a performance for me, it's learned; not natural. And oh my God, it's so exhausting and stressful putting on the performance. That being said, the fact that I'm trying to perform has actually gotten me more grief than simply existing as is, I've learned. A lot of people initially like how polite and careful I am, but then they either get put off by something not seeming right (because I'm performing) or I let the mask slip and they like me even more because I'm just...me, now.
I’m the same way!!
At 16, I was living the dream - always cheerful, surrounded by friends, and constantly chatting away. Teachers would often scold me for talking too much, but it was all in good fun. Then, everything changed when lockdowns hit. Suddenly, I found myself retreating into shyness, unable to connect with others like I used to. It's been tough - feeling anxious and down all the time. It's like this dark cloud is just hanging over me, making me feel lost and distant from everyone. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Just the thought of talking to people fills me with nerves, so I end up spending most of my time alone with my thoughts. I really miss feeling confident and happy. Right now, it feels like getting back to that place is impossible. I just needed to get all of this off my chest. There's so much more I want to express, but for now, I just needed to share what's been weighing heavily on my mind.
Share with me 😊
Sorry to hear that!
Hi sweetheart. I'm the mom of two girls -- 14 and 18. Both suffered through and after COVID. The younger would describe herself much like you. Wish I could give you a big hug. I hope you have a parent or parental figure who is there for you. Some words of encouragement: Be gentle with yourself. Try stretching your boundaries bit by bit. And know this: when you make it through a crisis this deep, you will be forever changed -- and for the better. You will make it through because you have the courage to see it and speak it. That's a lot. Some day you will be able to look back and appreciate this "trial by fire" because of who it helped you become. Sending love and light.
@@julien2270 Thank you deeply for your heartfelt message and for sharing your experiences. Your empathy and understanding mean a lot during challenging times. Your words of encouragement resonate with me, and your kindness serves as a comforting reminder of compassion in the world. When you mentioned "Wish I could give you a big hug," it brought a sense of warmth and comfort to me. "I hope to become that person again, or perhaps an even better version of myself." Sending love and light back to you. Your message has truly made a difference in my day. Thank you.
You'll get back there!
Really good idea about not trying to find something in your own experience to relate to but instead, dig deeper into their interest.
bro she shared a lot about her experiences too
Tips to be magnetic 0:49 Balancing warm and competent 2:09 Use people's name in conversation 3:10 Be interested, not interesting 4:26 people will remember how you made them feel ( not what you did/said) 4:28 Try conversational threading 5:19 be imperfect ( don't strive for perfection) 7:16 Gossiping positive about others
❤
Thank you!
I also like the last point she made at the very end: go into a conversation with the intention to have fun, not to be liked
Just a friendly tip: watch the whole video! You won’t regret it ❤
Helpful. Thank you
As an introvert and an socially awkward person this was much nedded. 🤗 Knowing that you also have similar feeling , makes me feel comfortable about my feeling , and I will also work on my social skills . Love you Sadia.❤
Sending loads of love back your way, Nikita, thank you 🤗
AS a socially awkward dude , im a total failure lol
I am a very very good listener, and genuinely show my appreciation and understanding towards the person who is sharing anything with me, I ask them questions about the same topic to make them feel heard and important. But they never reciprocate with me similarly. When I talk some people cut me off, or not give much importance, even shut me & judge me for sharing something i feel
U r in a wrong company babe🙂
First and foremost I would like to compliment you for being a good listener and actually caring about what someone has to say, without judging them or interrupting them when they speak. But I guess we need to understand that there will be times when we will meet people who don't embody these principles or qualities but that isn't an excuse for us to start changing and losing these beautiful gifts. I would to encourage you to keep on being nice and trust me you will start drawing in people like you who would draw all the gaze to you and give you the attention that you deserve. Keep on being the light of the world and never stop shining as bright as you are.
İts generally connected how do you speaking and what are you speaking about. or you might just be touchy. İf not the people you speak with could be rude. But if you are distorbing something from more than three peoples, you should look for the fault in yourself
sameee i show interest in their talking but when i talk nobody listens or care about what i'm saying, in fact they dont even talk to me first
As Sadia highlights from the book, that balance between being warm and competent is what makes all the difference and most of us tend to be too much of one or another... we all struggle somehow with INTER-ACTION, it is INTER because it supposes that there will be turn-takings into the ACTION of communicating. We don't always only listen, we also want to be listened to, but that balance... sombody please tell me that secret when interacting with so many different people?! Pick up Limes is so therapeutic!!! Thank you so much Sadia and Robin! ☯️
I always try to relate with a familiar story... but I'd circle it back to them. Like, "My uncle paints too, but he only does oil painting. Do you have a painting style too or do you like experimenting with different types/styles of painting?" Because I feel like if you don't share something about yourself, it kinda feels very one-way.
I'm autistic so this video feels really helpful to me personally as I often struggle with picking up social cues and then figuring out which ones I should be putting out as a result. This video was super helpful, Sadia!!
Remember to try practicing these skills one by one. If you try it all at once it's a bit overwhelming.
One thing that makes you stand out from others is that you provide practical tips rather than just go with what the world says and all those theories and all..... Keep making more such videos 😊
You've always had that balance of warmth and competence, Sadia!✨Congratulations on 4+ million subscribers! Much love!♥
Thanks so very much Christina! 💛
I see you're using the name there ;))@@PickUpLimes
@@PickUpLimes hi darling💋💋💋🤎
I would've never guessed you viewed yourself as socially awkward, but I really appreciate you sharing that! As an introvert and socially awkward/anxious person, I got a lot out of this video. Thanks so much for always giving us quality content!
This is definitely a video that I'll be watching more than once: as an awkward conversationalist, this is pure gold! Thank you, also for the books you mentioned!
I so agree!
Sadia, I think its been over 5 years of me watching your channel and you never cease to amaze. You always come up with this nice and quality content. Be it one video per month but those 10 minutes of your video, I stop doing what I am doing and cherish it fully.
The thing with “be interested “ I learned or realised is, after a period of time, it’ll exhaust you. It’s a very good way to make people like you more. I realised everybody likes somebody who listens,but over a long period of time it comes to a point where you’ll be too exhausted to listen. It struck me this one time that people are no longer interested in me once I stop listening. Nobody listens they only want somebody who listens. Relationships like this destroyed me. After a certain point I can no longer act like I’m interested because I’m not. It exhausted me so much and made me feel like crap. I hope people don’t take it too seriously and don’t belittle themselves after following it a little too much.
Mhmm. This is exactly why so many people in healthcare burn out completely
I feel you. I had the same problem. Now i show only interest in people, when I really want to know more about them. And this works even better. Because now I have less people in my circle, but more, who I actually like. 😊
Fr, avoid listening too much to the point you're their personal therapist, listening and being heard must be balanced.
The last point is a great reminder for me “ go into a conversation for fun rather than being liked” I sometimes fall into what I’d call my little girl self and just want to be liked and I forget to be present and enjoy my experience. Thank u!
You are not awkward. You are so sweet and friendly! I wish you could see yourself through the same lenses that I do
Really nice video. My takeaways :- 1) Be an active listener and be curious about the other person but also share your thoughts from time to time.. 2) Don't have the intent to impress them and try to have fun thereby showing your imperfect and funny side 3) Remember not just their name but also the experiences and perspective that they shared with you when you are listening to them and asking questions. Eat loads of almonds and strength your memory muscle. 4) Don't gossip or grib or complain. Everyone has problems, but nobody wants to hear someone cribbing always. Sometimes is fine. Work on yourself, your insecurities and keep becoming a better person daily.
As a person who struggles to hold 2 seconds convo with strangers, this is going to be my favorite video, learned a lot of things in 8 mins. Very helpful indeed. Thank you so much PUL!
Very interesting topic! I think there are so many social introverts among us who crave quality socializing but struggle to find that. Some of these tips from your older video where you covered Carnegie’s book are proven to work so well for me and to this day, I still go back to it. I still battle social anxiety but once I overcome it it always so liberating!
Ohhh I'm so glad that you made a video about this topic! It's nice to know other people are struggling
Sadia-your warmth and competence shines right through your videos! Reaching out to others when you travel is a great way to improve those social skills. You probably won’t see that person again (unless you want to) so go for it!💜
The opening lines of the video, it is me , you described me and this is just what I needed now. Thank you Sadia so much for this. Just at the right time right moment.
As a budding life coach, I so had to hear this today. So many things that you said resonated with me and I have a couple of take aways too. Great video!
These types of videos are my favourite!! You are soooo good at simply communicating psychological concepts and making them applicable. I am a student psychologist and I recommend your videos to clients all the time 💗
Hi Sadia! I’ve been watching your videos for almost five years. I don’t really cook regularly but it feels so good to listen to you. Your voice is so calming and the way you talk feels like you’re having one to one conversation with very a close friend. good luck!
oh this was excellent and you always share these messages in such a positive light. Plus, and this is for ALL your videos, I love that you get to the point and don't ramble on and on or get repetitive. I always feel that my time is so well spent here.
You are definitely both warm and competent!!🙏
I love this informative conversation about how we handle meeting people and getting to know them. So Good!!!
Sadia’s videos are like a warm hug! 🤗
I love your video especially when you said it in the end to go into the conversation to just have fun and not for the hope if someone likes you. Thanks for sharing!! ❤
Literally what I need. Thank you for being there, always.
This was so good! You have such a beautiful soul. You radiate warmth and joy.
Why are you always so on time?! Thank you ❤
NEEDED! It's a post-pandemic social epidemic of its own that conversing with people in person has become difficult. I needed every word of this video. I can be more mindful in my next conversation. Thank you!
Wow. Loved each moment of watching this video and took away some significant tips. 💫 Thank you Sadia, this was very well communicated and amazingly filmed. Please make more of these videos. 🙏🏼
I love your videos so much! I can always count on being inspired by you and learning something new. Thank you for being you! You're one of my favorite people online!❤
I really like that whenever you read a book that you liked you share the information with us and I am sure that this helps you to remember a lot more of what you read ☺️ smart girl 😎
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Thanks a zillion ❤
My favorite KZheadr so far! This video resonates with me so much. Thanks
I enjoyed this topic much more than I expected to because I love the way you break things down for us in your videos :)
Concise, well presented and so very relatable and true!
After a rough week this was exactly what I needed to have a new perspective. Thank you 😊
I enjoyed this video. I used to be shy and not very good at conversation. I worked hard on turning things around by reading books and practicing my social skills. I go out of my way to meet new people and it's so rewarding. Tonight I am having a social gathering with friends. I am no longer shy. Thank you for more tips.
I loved every single second of this video. Great job, Sadia. As always!!!
Truly great tips, Sadia! I already see myself rewatching this.
This reminded me of my old self. A MUCH needed reminder!! Thanks!! 🙌🏻
I Love all your content. It’s so holistic/wholesome! Truly a lifestyle channel ❤️❤️ you guys are amazing!
You're awesome Sadia❤ thank you for all that you put here❤
Love all your videos, you always emanate trust and confidence ❤
Interesting, honest and a timely reminder that it is not all about us!
What an awesome subject! This was so helpful. Not only does it adds to ones skills but it encourages sincere conversations and connections.🥰
Agreed☺️
This topic just spoke to me so much. I have even referred to myself as an awkward yet awesome person. Im not as articulate of a conversationalist as I used to be. Your right the combo of warmth and competency is difficult to balance so I want to work on that. Thank you for this video! Love your channel!
I’m an introvert/highly competent and when I’m socializing I definitely make the mistake of talking about myself too much. It may seem self-absorbed on the surface, but I’ve realized the root of it is that I’m trying way too hard to prove I’m interesting, fun and worth talking to. I’m going to implement the “curious” tactic and start asking more questions!
Absolutely stunning and informative video for a socially awkward person like me. Would love for this to turn into a series of being better at social communication.
This topic is exactly what I needed! I've been watching your videos for years and this might seem exaggerated but PUL has always seemed like a warm respite in a jarring world. I hope this finds you well and if you ever run out of topics for videos I've been thinking for a while that a video about growing herbs would be really helpful !
Hey Anna, aww it means a lot to know the content has been comforting in some way - thanks so much for tuning into our videos! And thanks for the idea about a herb-growing video, it’s a great suggestion 🌿
As an extrovert, THIS IS ALL REALLY GOOD ADVICE. People will remember how you make them feel. If you show them that you're interested in learning about them, in listening to them talk about their expertise & passion, you will make friends. And if you open yourself up you will learn a lot about who you are.
Excellent topic and the tips, spot on. I am very social, yet introverted depending on the crowd, so this was very helpful. And you very much have that balance Sadia!
Fabulous!So short and sweet but right to the point.Loved the chosen video sequences to make people better understand
I've been feeling so much social anxiety lately, I feel like this came up at the perfect time! It's really hard and it takes practice to break old anxiety cycles and start being more authentic but I'm trying!
One thing to remove social anxiety is Let them. Let them to be them. They can like me, or dislike me. It doesn't chance my identity. So be myself and let them . The let them concept is really liberating. It's from Mel Robin's podcast
Brilliant ❤ "Go into a conversation with the intention of having fun, rather than with the intention of saving 'I hope they like me'"
A video full of warmth 😍 Looking forward for some more similar ones 😍
As an introvert living in a foreign country this video felt so relevant to me. Thank you for those great tips . Loved it❤💯
Love the useful tips! Something I want to directly apply when talking to potential mentors - the pitfall is wanting to appear interesting and worth mentoring but if I focused on learning from them, showing vulnerability, speaking positively of other people - I can create a self-assured persona
I've seen dozens of these, and this presentation is by far the best I've seen. Well done. Thanks!
That is so interesting! I actually really hate it when people use my name in conversation. While I am a fairly outgoing and social person in general, I am also a fairly private person and do not feel comfortable when people are too familiar as it makes me feel like my personal space is being invaded ;)
Omg the description of warmth in the starting that u gave is so ME!!!!!
I've recently been going through a phase of my life when I wasn't feeling the most happy with my social skills, so thank you so much for this video. It's very relatable and I've taken a lot from it!! 😊
Hi beauty💋 🤎
UGHHHH I JUST LOVE YOU AND YOUR QUALITY CONTENT 🫵🏼💓🙌🏼
This couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you so much, Sadia. From my last stressful social interaction, I concluded that staying silent is better than trying to talk and then saying something stupid. But that's obviously not the best way to be :) This video really helped allay so much fear and anxiety. Thank you so much for all you do ❤
Is Sadia an extrovert?
I can relate to you. Well, what if you would try to think about yourself with deep warm compassion? Music 🎶 helps me a lot to work on my feelings. A song from Nico and Vinz “People” helps me a lot to realize everyone does wrong sometimes and everyone does right sometimes too. Not only me. And it’s okay. It’s life. We are here to learn and love more. Life is short. Investing energy in really few good friends, simple things,and joy. “Joy is an act of resilient!” Hugs and keep moving 🌿💦☀️🌸
This channel, her voice, their creativity and recipes, and beautiful presentations have become a great source of de-stressing for me
I love these kinds of advice videos by you, I indeed feel the warmth that you radiate! Thank you for all of your wonderful advice. Ps: I have one tip regarding the editing of your videos. I noticed that in this video some editing video materials from generic platforms were used. However, one of the things that makes your videos so special is that usually they contain fully your own (video) materials, which gives that homely feeling. That is one of the factors that makes your videos so special, as so many other creators use those generic videos as well in their editing. These are just my two cents. Once again thank you so much for your wonderful video! Wishing you a wonderful day :)
So much good stuff in here! Thank you. We just had a conversation about how you talk about others...so true!
This entire video was sooo interested and valuable! I watched 3 times and took notes 😅 Thanks a lot Sadia!
When you said: " Robin might look intimidating", I really burst out laughing. Yes I've just realized every single time he talks to the camera and he is serious, I become super serious and focused, even for few seconds, as if I was taking an exam 😂 but I think it has a lot to do with his body language. It has a vibe.
I absolutely love this channel. She is so knowledgable, warm and overall great communicator.
Hi Jessica, I don't know if it's convenient to say this here but you are gorgeous.
Thank you for this video. Perfect timing too. Just something I’m trying to incorporate into my daily interactions. Again thank you 🙏
Superb! More of this please! I can listen to you talking all day❤
I think this gets to the importance of group recognition in human society. Irrespective of national/ethnic/linguistic/cultural background, humans generally respond very positively if they feel they are being recognized as in some way valuable. This is where being a good listener is important.
Such a well timed video!! I really needed this. Watching now❤
I loved this! Ty ,so practical and applicable for us all.
Your videos are always great to watch.. And everyone surely learns something from them.
Another fantastic video Sadia and being a better listener is a good communication skill to learn. Yes, good to use the person's name when talking to them (if you aren't like me and Sadia who struggle to remember someone's name). Love 🥰 the video and love 💞Sadia and ❤Rob.
Saying my intention before I walk in the room always helps. (“I am going to remember and use everyone’s names and learn one interesting thing about every person I talk to”.)
This is such a great video. Saved to watch again. Thanks for sharing!
beatifully said. love the content. keep going PUL team!
By far your very best post. Thank you for sharing!!! ❤
these were such good tips, ill definitely implement them into my next conversations:) thank you
Omg! You packed a whole month worth of personality building class in just 9 mins. I can't believe. Thanks a ton 🙏🙏
This is such a great video! Thanks for putting it together so effectively 👌🏻
My classmate told me once that I am a charismatic person. All I know is whenever I talk to them, I am the one who asks questions like how they feel and it's true, I often say their name when I thank them for something. On the other hand, they still see me as someone competitive and capable. It is indeed sometimes about balance. Not to impress, not to act humble, but to be authentically down to earth and still be able to show greatness.
Some years ago I found the channel “charisma on command” that really helped me as an introvert. Thank you for your tips!!!
This was such a good video Sadia, thank you for sharing. It came at the perfect time for me ☺️
Sadia, your videos and you make me happy. I like everything about your channel. I take so much from them. Thank you for posting some many interesting subjects. We grow with you. I think it is the evolution that I enjoy the most. I've been following and watching for years now, and the authenticity and warmth are translated or transmitted through your demeanour
This was super interesting! And love that u mix it up with videos like this in between food stuff :)
Thanks for this warm and competent video :)
This is literally what I was looking for... thank you so much!!
The best and most concise tips I ever found!
@PickupLimes LOVE your bloopers at the end ! They are so fun & relatable.
Loved this video! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insights with us:)