If A Rude Person Disrespects You, Say This To Make Them Regret It
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We’ve all had a friend say something we don’t like. Whether it’s a passive aggressive comment or a playful insult that goes too far, it can be tough to know how to respond.
So in this video we’re going to cover three ways to handle it when a friend crosses the line and you want to stand up for yourself without starting a fight.
We’ll start by breaking down a few examples with Jonah Hill.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:27 - #1: Fire back an insult yourself.
1:45 - #2: Draw a boundary.
5:00 - #3: Turn it into friendly banter.
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"do you have any other questions, that are smart" lol
hahah the way he said it too
Burn
i dont have proof but i read that clip was staged...
Pretty savage if you ask me.
smart question like you :D i would say to him :D
It always baffled me how society almost never punishes people for doing something wrong to others, as much as it punishes others for retaliating!
What??! Retaliating is only frowned upon when you overdo the retaliation and it is clearly not in balance with the insult. Nobody would ever 'punish' a retaliation that is on par. And that is fine, because if you respond to a fat joke by ' at least my daughter is still alive' to someone who just lost their child, it is probably for the best everyone else would call that out. Off course this is extreme example, but with retaliation it is better to retaliate with something a little less provoking than the initial provocation to you. I really wonder where you are from that you feel this way. I have never experienced this.
@@janmetdekorteachternaam3673 u were clearly born yesterday
@@janmetdekorteachternaam3673 no, you're not, and u clearly have no idea what I'm talking about, you're just giving a super generic answer.....And please get over urself, self flattery is a destructive thing!
@@janmetdekorteachternaam3673 no, you're not, and u clearly have no idea what I'm talking about, you're just giving a super generic answer.....And please get over urself, self flattery is a destructive thing!
Honestly
I conquered bullying by being so oblivious that I GENUINELY thought they didn't realize they were being rude, so I shifted the conversation to something else so they wouldn't feel bad for their social faux-pas. It worked, but I only realized they meant to be rude over a decade later.
Mooddd (same lol)
It’s sad when the realization kicks in. A bit of innocence is lost.
Doesnt work for me, they keep calling me fatherless that.. arent that original
Yea I did something similar in school. I also acted silly or like I wasn't really paying attention to them a lot. I remember at a summer camp once I was walking from the camp store alone and these two large boys came up to me and abruptly smacked the candy I bought out of my hands and let me pick it up so I just laughed it off. I then told my friends at our tent and they told me I was bullied so I then cried.
A pure soul
A person insulted me once and i laughed so hard because i genuinely thought it was funny. They got so incredibly angry that i laughed and it was so awkward. I didn't know they were feeling so much hatred. I took their insult lightly, but apparently they didn't mean it lightly. I still think about that insult and laugh though and i still get confused why that person was so angry.
"Damn it! This person has gotten to their weaknesses before I ever could! Curse you, self-confidence!"
When you laughed, they felt you were laughing at their own insecurities due to their insecurities being the reason they tried to insult you.
What’d they say?
Who was the person in relation to you? What was the insult?
Most likely, they were projecting. When you laughed, they took it as you laughing at their insecurities.
it takes alot of pain and self respect to answer back calmly like jonah hill after being insulted almost all your life
Poor man hes too brilliant
Yes I feel very sorry for the guy who became a millionaire by being typecast as the "fat guy" in movies and only made it into Hollywood because he went to school with Dustin Hoffmann's daughter
@@RodJeez “Understanding others feelings is hard” -you
@@AgentDearestZ right, we need to do more to help everyday Americans like Jonah Hill
Doesn't matter if he was typecast or if he had an unfair advantage when it came to getting his foot in the door in Hollywood. Nepotism might get you there, but it doesn't make you an actual star. The fact of the matter is that he CRUSHED IT in Superbad and was in high demand for years afterward for that reason. Ozzy's daughter got an album deal for being rock royalty, but she never sold out an arena. Jonah Hill, on the other hand, actually put asses in seats in movie theaters for a few years, there.
Most people are afraid of standing up for themselves because they fear the rejection of others. In fact, standing up for yourself is the best way to draw people to love who you are
Thanks for your inspiration through these videos 🙏🏼
No, I fear violence. I grew up in a very violent neighbourhood. But I agree that people respect courage. They despise bullying. Some people are bullies and believe they being courageous when really they are cowards. Watch people and listen and they will reveal their hearts without realizing it.
This is something I’m working on. Calm. Clear. Strength. Confidence. In all situations.
@@daithiocinnsealach3173 100% people respect courage
@@julie-annjameson721 you got this 💪🏼
I love how Jonah threw that little dig in as well ... "Do you have any other questions ... that are smart?" Calmly refuses to answer, throws a little insult back about their intelligence and just looks away to ignore them completely. I love it.
Hill is a SBag though
@@ThomasJr all of Hollywood is.
Bully's answer: "That question was smart" and/or "Why are You so afraid of answering?"
@@Piecierif it's not that smart shouldn't be that difficult for them to answer. People also need to realize that it's not always choosing to be rude it's just not having energy, some people don't even have the energy to get up in the morning to shower or take care of themselves much less the capacity or energy to meticulously pay attention to ten different things simultaneously with one conversation just to avoid potentially upsetting someone else on accident.
A cowards move. Conflict avoidance doesn't help people. I'd rather have people in my face. I can handle that better though. If people are afraid of answers then they're afraid of the truth.
I think the "laugh at yourself" one only works when the insult was thrown jokingly or isn’t too much disrespectful, cause if someone crosses a line, laughing along will just make you look like you have no self-respect at all.
I think it depends. I think laughter can make it look like you see their insult as ridiculous which can turn it around to show that you aren't affected by their hurtful words. If they continued, keeping on laughing isn't good. That's when you would want to start setting those boundaries because it's apparent they won't quit and that can become unhealthy.
yes that's why always you have to insult them bigger and hurtfull so they regret crossing you
i go one step further and self deprecate to the point my friends ask if im ok... its a problem
Unfortunately this happened to me in my early 20s at a job.
Yeah.. laughing just pisses them off if they are already pissed off.
i never say jonah hill as the "fat guy" i always saw him as the "funny guy"
I always say him as the 'fat funny guy'
Great actor guy
Agreed. His character in Superbad is an absolute classic, regardless of his weight.
I saw him as Jonah Hill tf lmao
"The" Fat Guy
There are unfortunately some people who won’t ever like you standing up for yourself even when you do it tactfully.
Good thing you don't need them to like you
@@johnchao2422 +1 👍 nor do you need them in your life.
This are the type of people to avoid :)
Ppl like that are worthless in the first place.move along👊🏿
@@johnchao2422 sometimes you do. If you are looking for a job but cant find any and you are in desperate need of it (since money and food wont come to you by imagination) you might end in situations when you do need them to like you, but thats just an example. Many things can happen in life that are not good for your mental or physical health. and that is important to remember.
I just love how our society dogs the person who sticks up for themselves instead of the original attacker/aggressor.
Most of our society are cowards and they don’t like non cowards. Pitiful and weak people.
Yup, "society" isn't a person, and the trick is to realize that it's okay not to care what "society" thinks about you. There's no good reason to care what those people think who would dog you or judge you unfairly... You don't want those people in your life anyway, so just ignore them... and you can still care about what people think, who are fair minded and not harshly judgmental.
Depends on how someone "sticks up for himself" ... Two wrongs don't make a right.
@@sirsancti5504Exactly.
@@sirsancti5504two wrongs don’t make a right - Cowards 101
Jonah Hill is someone who conquered bullying without raising a finger. Hats off to him.
Not to bash on Jonah, but let's be honest, he knows he can't raise a finger.
Masterful. I'm guessing he did a lot of introspection/therapy.
It's not hard to do that. Just brush it off and move on. Being ignorant to other people's BS should be a standard. If you respond to it then negativity meets negativity resulting in more negativity.
@@jdbruiser I disagree, I actually find it quite difficult to do that. On anther note, the only way I've found to get people off my back is not to ignore them but to address it and stand up for myself
@@mangalegends I understand, you don't want to be a pushover, but I think it depends on how you mentally handle confrontation. I'm guessing you handle it well so it'd be easier for you to stick up for yourself. I'll be honest, I am worried about how I'd handle confrontation, so I find ignorance the easiest thing to do. The only problem with my approach is the bullying won't go away if I continue to ignore it.
I feel so bad for the abuse Jonah Hill has to put up with. The double standard that allows for 'body shaming' fat men is bizarre.
Don't talk to me! I am famous! Don't dislike my good good GOOD videos! Don't talk to me, dear age
@@sodumbthatithinkformyself Wolf of Wall Street was disturbingly good.
@steve I honestly think they were oblivious and just had no filter. Unfit and unqualified for their job as interviewers/reporters. Utter morons.
There's no "double-standard". Everybody has always been fair game for a body shame. Don't let libtards fool you into thinking cancel culture has won.
Just body shame everyone. Being fat and implying it's alright are both unhealthy.
It’s all about respect. Respect yourself first & show respect while making your point.
Take the high road, they are forced to follow or they are left behind.
What are you prepared to do when that is met with blatant disrespect?
that's probably why Jonah was used to respond with disrespect, cause he didn't respect himself. now he probably learned that and you can see that he's more chill even towords insults about his appearance
"Give and you shall receive." If not, fart and walk away. Lol!
Honor is superior to respect/worship. Always honor yourself but respect only ideas and never humans.
My favourite thing I say to someone who says something awful is, "Why would you say such a thing?". It turns it entirely back on the person to explain their 'joke'. Seems to work every time.
And it works best if you use almost no inflection... not a defensive "WHY would you SAY such a Thing???"... say it almost monotone, like a calm genuine question out of curiosity, not a reaction
"I can't believe you've done this"
@@pcap8810 I'm fine with that. If someone feels anxious because of conflict, that's their own issue. And if someone thinks I made things weird, versus the jerk saying something awful making it weird, then they are probably people I don't care about.
@@theukyankee Yup, that's a risk I'm willing to take. There's nothing weird about calling somebody out for being a jerk. It's better to do what you think is right, than to always worry about what the onlookers will think. Walking away without saying anything is fine too, if that's the way you prefer to handle it.
@@pcap8810 I've never had anything like this happen in a business meeting. I HAVE had this with extended family or a friend of a friend. If someone were to insult me to my face in a business meeting, I would probably say something similar in a very questioning manner - it's not flipping a table to ask why someone would say such a thing.
I once said to my parents, "Just because you're my parents doesn't give you the right to be mean to me." THEY LOST THEIR MINDS at my impudence.
Did the same thing in my last conversation with my 30 y.o. daughter. Wild that expressing that angers people.
While I was a child, I remember thinking how I thought my mom was so mean to me, until I have gotten angry enough as other times to say something that wasn't nice. She asked me for the first time why I was mean to her, and in that moment, I did realize I can be sometimes out of anger like she does. I expressed that I felt the same way about her. We just stood there in silence and that was the moment I realized at a young age that we were both just misunderstood. We both just have different personalities with different forms of reasoning and we both look at the same situation in two different ways and point of views.
Your parents Asian by any chance?
You did that very well. Good job expressing your boundaries! Parents should be the last ones to be mean to their children.
Many people who reproduce never bothered to stop being animals. It is what it is.
Accept but don't tolerate. You can accept that someone is a rude person and hold no bad feelings towards them, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. Acceptance in this way helps you to respond rather than react, but lack of tolerance means you're not a push over. There's no need to take anything personally, if someone's insulted you just remember that you know yourself better than anyone else knows you, therefore YOUR opinion of yourself is the one that really matters, don't let insults from others take up space in your mind or trigger you emotionally.
Well said
I have a similar mantra to det my boundries with others. Having CPTSD this can be hard. I try to make a distinction between understanding and accepting other peoples behaviour. I can understand why they act the way they do, but i do not have to accept it relation to me
This is what my psychiatrist told me to do! I can't control others' attitude towards something, only mine. I have to accept that they are who they are. If someone hurt me, then I can say that to them. But if they don't stop, then atleast I told them and made an effort. I just have to accept it but don't linger on the thought too much. If I do, I have to distract myself from that. It's hard to do but it will be a work on progress once given an effort. Thank you for reminding me of this 🙏
You make this point excellently
Love it. Thank you!
Never forget that if every person has value, that includes you. You have to defend yourself as well as you’d defend someone else you love.
"treat yourself as someone who you love and depends on you"
Yeah but you shouldn't defend yourself when you actually don't have to defend yourself
Well said!I forget that simple fact about myself,but easily defend my loved ones,thanks for the reminder ❤
Never defended myself and hurt my loved ones by being a coward. Consciously distanced myself from anyone I care, so I would not hurt them by being weak and coward. I'd sell my mother, if she was alive in a heart beat if intimidated. If this is not bottom, than I don't know what it is...
@@demukazz "I'd sell my mother, if she was alive in a heart beat if intimidated".. what?
It took me a lifetime to realise that bullies are actually quite perceptive. The last thing they want is someone to insult them back and if they think you will answer back they will leave you alone. You should always answer back any insult even if its true or you'll be walked all over.
You will need a sense of humour for that
@@mdzaidshaikh1863or a gun
Sometimes they want to trade insults because if you're trading insults, you must be mad too. If you are polite, it annoys them.
Yeah the bullies at my school were just bovine full of anger directed at anyone they saw as superior to them in some way other than physical, to “take them down a notch”. It’s nothing about being perceptive, and all to do with being neurotic and feeling helpless.
I often find those who complain the loudest about being victims of bullying end up having been the actual bully. Demi Lovato for example.
I wanted to prove so bad that I was confident and that I wasn't sensitive neither took myself too seriously that I willingly surrounded myself by people who really liked to use insults as their humor. They'd keep insulting me and I always took it gracefully and would joke back or laugh along them. In the end I hated their company and started feeling less and less confident, their words would slowly turn into beliefs. When I started setting boundaries they reminded me of how sensitive I was. The moral of the story is: don't go through anything that doesn't feel right just to prove that you're confident or anything like that. You'll never win, some people will see you as inferior no matter what. Focus on knowing your worth and actually become confident for yourself.
Damn yeah I went through a similar thing too thanks for sharing I still kinda go back and forth with whether I was being sensitive but I have realised it's about boundary setting
You can win by having a trusted group of mature people who do not view you (or anyone) as inferior. It may take a while but it’s possible. From my experience, it’s insecure people who put others down.
This is where your fists come in handy and talk for you... Next time you enter the room lets see if they do the same
"you'll never win, some people will see you as inferior no matter what" This is so true
@@darkhorseeucexactly, sometimes I crave people around me to not view me as inferior. As someone who has recently went thru a mental breakdown and where my confidence completely broke, I realized that my so called “friends” views me as inferior and some continued to do so. It was sad honestly. But I am glad that I have adults in my life who don’t view anyone as inferior and have always been a support block in my life. It is also nice when you have friends that you look up to that can also support your back in your life.
1. Don’t hurl back insults. (Don’t react/ignore) 2. Draw boundaries. Call ppl out. Then move on. Speak calmly but firmly, draw the line, explain the boundary & give consequences. 4. Match their insult level. Hit back at the thing they insulted. 5. Fake offense. Say you’re not cool w it but w a smile. Laugh!
3. We do not talk about rule 3!
Why is rule 3 gone? Just asking
Rule number three is: you don't ask about rule number three.
Number 3: Well allow me to retort!
So you're a coward and a liar then. Be honest instead of fake.
"Are you considered the fat guy?" "No, I'm considered Jonah Hill. Next question?"
That would've been a great response :')
Just, "I'm considered john hill".
I thought that was a joke interview.
I like his response better.
In a deadpan face state he is thinking of James Franco and move to the next question.
I grew up wearing a back brace, i have a lisp and wore glasses. Prime bullying material. But i was never bullied, because i never took offense. I was always the first one to acknowledge my obvious issues. It was no fun for anyone to make fun of someone who started it.
I’ve used the question method to great effect over many years. Some useful examples: “Why would you say that to me?” A clear signal that was out of order. They can be easily forced to explain themselves ( if you want). “What was that? I must’ve misheard you.” Implying they couldn’t possibly have said what they said. “I’m not sure what you mean. Did I say something to offend you?” Implies WTF Felicia? Then you can push hard to make them repeat or explain the insult now everyone is looking, or let it go if you’re at your in-laws. You can make it as ugly as you want or shut it down. It’s never failed me.
Very nice. Back in the day in college I learned my lesson when I was being rude to lady at students department and she simply asked me "did I do to you smtg to make you talk me to me like that?" I want to crawl to the darkest deepest part on the earth and never come back 😂 Now I use the same attitude at times even though my favourite way to react to idiotic behaviour is simply ignore. Drives them nuts 😂😂😂
I always ask them to repeat themselves. 😂. I then dissect them and they squirm. I should have been a lawyer, it proceeds like that 😂
Why do you have to use the name Felicia?? ...😉lol
It's so important to not let people get away with little jabs and snipes. Calm and firm.
It is more important not to care about the little jabs and snipes, because you know who you are. Only take action when someone really goes to far.
@@janmetdekorteachternaam3673 sometimes you need to nip it in the bud
I don’t let people get away with jabs and they have told me they feel like they’re walking on eggshells around me, Jan is right, just brush it off until they take it too far. And sometimes, the little jabs are lighthearted and they’re just trying to connect with you in a way that makes sense to them, just show them your way of connecting too or instead.
If you do that you won't have many lasting friendships because you come off as if everyone is out to get you
While I agree with some of the previous replies in that it's important not to come across as too petty, in terms of calling out rude behavior, it's also important to understand that people who make a habit of undercutting others are not people you want to be friends with. Having standards for how you want to be treated repels toxic people who don't respect boundaries. That's a good thing.
6 Important Guidelines in Life -When you are Alone, mind your Thoughts. -When you are with Friends, mind your Tongue. -When you are Angry, mind your Temper. -When you are with a Group, mind your Behavior. -When you are in Trouble, mind your Emotion. -When God starts blessing you, mind your EGO. Post navigation.
Screenshoting this. Thank you.
Just be mindful And stay humble
@@PM-uc4kg it's not about looking for returns
@@TheShubLub it helps to be mindful of specific things as well
Brilliant, thanks for sharing. Where did you find this gem?
I come from a toxic family where I was insulted and beaten all the time when young. I saw these patterns in other places I found myself in also. Well not the beating but the insulting part. So many people go along with toxic behaviour it's incredible. I also had a bad reaction to a vaccine as a child that slightly affects my appearance. It seems fine in many places for people to be rude over this. Quite incredible. Anyway, I have got thousands of miles away from toxic behaviour now and my life is really good. If you are around people that think it's ok to be abusive, just get away from them. Life is too short. Don't analyse them or try to figure things out. Just get away from a-holes. Do activities where there are less of them. My life is going fantastic now. I can't believe I spent so long around toxic people that everyone is appeased or pandered to.
They say every bully has a bully :/
@@brontiq I can personally say from knowledge of people in my family that this is not true. Some people in my wider family were spoilt. They were born without the genes for having a lot of empathy. They are naturally very selfish and machiavellian and narcissistic. The people from the side of the family that doesn't have these traits were quite shocked by what she comes out with, from a very young age. Again, no bullying whatsoever and with parents who pander to her every whim. No discipline. It's so shocking I feel when people justify pandering to bullies, by saying that every bully has a bully. I'm not quite sure what this is meant to suggest. Ok, then it's ok if they treat people extremely badly. Some people simply do not have that much empathy. Whenever society panders to these people, they can destroy the place. People should think about getting better boundaries and protecting the bullied. Those are people who commit suicide in high numbers. You can have empathy for a dangerous animal, only after you protect yourself and those around you from the dangerous animal. The same should apply to bullies.
I totally agree...just get away from noxious people...pick and choose your battles...but it does seem most people have a negativity bias by default...I'm sure there is some evolutionary psychology in there somewhere.
Really happy that you have found peace and a good life. You deserve it! All the best! 🧙🍀🦅
@@Antonocon yeah empathy is a muscle, maybe some brains are born without it. but generally it is something that can be learned
4:49 if you don't feel like your friends would respect your boundaries, they're not your friends.
Ok, what kind of friends DONT respect your boundaries? If they dont respect you enough to do that, why are you hanging with them in the first place?
Family lol
Because you don’t have other places to go.
@@ianpage2509 id rather be alone than be "friends" with someone that clearly doesn't respect me as a person
@@keni95851it can be hard to do that if there parents decide to dump them on you.
@@ianpage2509 I am afraid that I don't follow you, what are parents dumping on you?
How rude, this was painful to watch, no one deserves to be treated like this. Jonah doesn't need this sh*t, he doesn't need to skinny to be the talent he is. One of my favorite actors. You go Jonah 🥳❤
Dis boi right
Hell yeah. Did you see him in 'Maniac' with Emma Stone? Oh! Or his new doc, 'Stutz'. Super underrated actor imo
Don't forget the implication that because he is not super buff he must therefore smell bad. That was a terrible misfire.
And now that he's gotten skinny, people think he's a drug addict Can't please everyone 🤷♂️
I’ve had to work on this myself in my life. Instead I try to just calmly reply something like “oh you’re too sweet thank you” or “that was such a nice thing to say you’re too kind.” This almost automatically makes them look like a jerk.
This channel genuinely seems like it is the hypothetical guide that people refer to needing when they don't understand social norms. I can't count how many people I know who have mentioned struggling to understand social norms and people skills, and this is a very clear concise guide on a specific area of socialization: appropriate reactions to disrespect. I wish I had this when I was younger.
I can think of all the times I stood up for myself. Some times made me sick to my stomach, but they worked. Anyone young listening: please don’t be afraid to defend yourself. Nothing bad happens to you after do not be afraid of that uncomfortable feeling you feel.
Thank you :).
Damn, I relate to the discomfort, but I have and always will be there for myself 🦅 Maybe one day it will die out. I think it stems from being disturbed by the fact that I'm even in that situation; that people actually choose to be horrid, and that I can't imagine being that way.
When someone belittles me or laughs at me depending on how close they are, I am either telling it to their face or I never hang out with them again. Simple and effective.
I like to give people chances to be better. If I just cut them off, then if they're otherwise a worthwhile person, we both lose out. But if I let them know they've crossed a line and they go on to respect my boundaries, we're both better off for it. Of course, if they still can't be bothered to show a little respect, then I have no qualms cutting ties.
If you can avoid avoid But if its not well its adapt and change
Great. Never hang out with the biyatch again. Works like a charm. 😂
If you have friends that constantly disrespect you then it might be good to find better friends. Some people are toxic or phony people, pretending to be your friend. It’s better to have a few or one good friend you can trust than many friends that are toxic or fake.
Yeah, but real betrayal only happens when you expect otherwise. And if you avoid everyone without your best interests in mind, you'll be forever alone.
I almost got a new shady friend. But I didn’t keep up with her. She turned to me and said the food was disgusting and not up to her level the offered me it. Needless to say I never called her.
@@havenbastion it’s better to be alone than with people that stab you in the back and work against you.
And then you have your flaws and people leave you for it. Do you even think?
Will smith displayed a true mastery at this art when an extremely light hearted joke resulted in him simply massaging and simultaneously itching the side of Chris Rocks face for him. Very kind gesture and a perfect way to handle light hearted comedy.
Very well put
....simultaneously scratching.
LMAO
This is such a important message. I just had a fight with my family and honestly if I reacted differently it wouldn’t have happend
Duck then punch them in their pp - always works
Same, i had a fight (verbally) with my brother yesterday. I wish this video came out sooner tbh, it would have been really useful. I’m not trying to blame him,(this might sound contradicting) but he started it.I tried to apply what i learned in other CoC videos but he was stubborn and kept making the situation worse. But honestly I don’t blame him, i know why he’s the person he is today. Our childhood wasn’t the best, anyway i’m rambling too much.
@@congratulationslol2826 you sound like a very mature person, im sure you're a wonderful sibling
Your brother has a wonderful sibling
It's pretty sad when you follow these guidelines over and over and your family still wants to fight. boundaries crossed, *walk out*
If there’s a hierarchy to your friend group maybe find new friends.
Yh and that new friend group also has a hierarchy
There's nothing necessarily wrong with a hierarchy. The fact of the matter is that everyone is different, and those differences define the kind of position or roles we'd take in different situations, one of those being a friend group.
There's always going to be different levels of confidence/charisma and those who are better at it will always naturally rise to the top. Doesn't mean that the hierarchy is used negatively but it's always there.
Or you are not aware of the hierachy in yours
#1 tip if someone insults you is to not let them know you’re insulted. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they got under your skin
Absolutely
Don't always assume people are trying to offend you either.
Much harder to actually do that, though. Staying silent is a good indication that it bothered you and you're trying to hide it. Joking it away can come off as passive aggressive, once again showing offense. And of course responding harshly is a dead give away that you've been insulted. It's really hard to show that things don't affect you in some way.
Not necessarily. Sometimes stopping and saying something like "that's hurtful, why would you say that" is the most effective thing -it shows the bully who they are.
Thats pretty immature ^^
I love how we’re getting in depth with the interview and try to interpret reactions like this. It really helps teaching me how to be well in a social group.
Having the ability to not be offended is a true skill to have 🔥
Developing mental toughness & emotional resilience usually takes time to develop, like Jonah Hill. But he mastered his reactions, and learned to defend himself with grace & ease. It wasn't even the fact that he had the ability to not be offended, he learned to stand up for himself by calling out the rude behavior & telling that person that he is not okay with that rude joke or comment & from there he drew a boundary to not cross that line. He was teaching that person how to respect him.
They were definitely still offended. They just know how to hide it better.
CoC needs to do a vid on Anne Hathaway. That was a great way to control the conversation, define boundaries, and still be likable.
Anne Hathaway has great charisma :)
She was definitely not happy and flirted with getting mad... but held it together to keep it light- pretty well done, and frankly hard to do cus those kind of shots can catch you off guard
Nah I think she was pissed and graciously faked being ok with it. She probably told her publicist to blacklist the guy afterwards. He was way out of line so wouldn't blame her.
I just have trouble keeping a level head. I give nothing but respect and positivity to other people, and most of them give it back. It really derails me when one person ends up being rude for no reason.
They have a reason. The question is whether it's a good reason or a selfish excuse.
Just keep in mind it more than likely has to do with the battles they're fighting rather than something you did to provoke the behavior.
If I had to be a leader i guess everybody's coming after me.../ ideally idc what ur personality is like... I need u to not be intimidated by me & I need u to talk to me freely about wever that is concerning. That way there's damn Effective communication. That way is a whole arse productive circulating thing going on. But no, there's always gotta be some damn pointless psychopaths
7:22 gaslighting 101. "I'm sorry if I offended you." As if it's not his fault for being offensive, but her fault for taking it as offensive.
how do you respond to gaslighting similar to this?
@@LeylaLazuli Maybe ask "Can you help me understand what you mean by "IF I offended you?" Then follow with - "Is there any uncertainty in your mind about what you did was wrong?" Typically, conditional apologies are meant to deflect and shift responsibility. Don't let the offender get away with this.
@@LeylaLazuli As some more options.... What Anne did was just let him have it, which is an option for getting past the conversation and keeping it "friendly". If challenging it lightly, something like "Oh, were you offensive?" or "Oh, are you?" "Oh, really?" to direct the responsibility back, then perhaps handwave it with a "Let's not dwell on it" or "Well, moving on" in order to not forgive the insult with that false apology, but still dismiss a confrontation. Seriously, that kind of sneaky gaslighting is awful to deal with though.
This a great collection of real-life examples of setting boundaries! This is quite helpful for those who are quiet by nature
True, because quiet people get fkd with the most!
None of this works for me. My boundaries are where any reasonable person should know they're in violation without me saying anything. If I have to speak up it's already too late and I am not willing to compromise anything at all.
I definitely needed this tbh, I'm really hot tempered and I'm learning how to navigate these situations in a calm way.
Good luck bro. I'm been trying lately to mind my temper when someone actually insults me or disrespects me
How is it going?
I don't have and neither did I ever have any friends who insult me. Sorry bro, but if you have "friends" that insult you, they are NOT your friends.
With some bullies, not reacting only spurs them to higher levels of abuse.
Never react, not even in fights, any shock like loss or an embarrassing moment, pause, calm down & think about what to do next.
To be confident to yourself: 1. Know your weaknesses 2. ACCEPT your weaknesses 3. Know the things what YOU ONLY have. 4. Knowing those first three means you know AND understand who YOU ARE. For guys & women, try it. You'd be surprised. Any place you go, any social gathering, any people you meet, WHATEVER job YOU have, it wouldn't feel weird anymore.
Thank you for this. My biggest issue is that I lack self-confidence to the point that I always feel like everyone else is better than me at everything and it seems like I constantly get confirmations of it irl and it almost feels like I’m stuck in this aggravating invisible circle where I repeatedly get hurt.
@@larabardot6836Take @glenn's advice. It will work well for you.
This is great advice @@larabardot6836, have you done any progress, could you share?
ty❤
You guys are great. Seriously, I had monumental issues all through high school and college, and at 40 I can say you are giving life lessons that would have helped a lot. Hope people can watch these and be better people earlier in life.
My favorite part is when Anne says "I'm just f..ah...messing with you"
Anne Hathaway was totally about to drop the f-bomb at the end of that interview lol
that Kobe video is like my most favorite moment ever, HE DID NOT EVEN FLINCH!!!!
Unlike the woman he graped
People don’t understand that a boundary isn’t a demand. It’s telling them what you will do or action you will have to take if xyz happens. Ultimately boundaries are there to make relationships better and more functional.
It took me unfortunately longer in life than I think most to figure out when people were joking with me versus actually trying to hurt my feelings. I always saw myself as the victim when I would get in trouble for what I saw as retaliating for another person “picking on” me. Nowadays I’ve come to see the difference and from my understanding, most people really are just joking and are just trying to be friendly oddly enough. Those who aren’t are not worth my time. The most they’re worth is a scoff. The kind that says “really lol. How old are you?”
100% Thinking people are always trying to offend you is a fault and something to mature past. Once you do, banter is great fun and makes it easier to let go of silly things you might be worrying about.
Nah, they really were picking on you.
sometimes we know these things, but hearing and seeing this again refreshes growing as a positive person. Love all your content.
I don't always have to stand up for myself, but when I do, I like to start a fight...
Yes boi
That happens with me if someone makes insulted joke on me. It’s never guarantee that I would come same sometimes I would just knock them out lol. So that’s the reason I try to avoid arguments bc once I get in than I have no control whatever comes in my mouth I say it.
I love how Jonah handled Jimmy. I know his heart dropped when Jonah said lets Disect that. 😮
A lot to unpack here but many commenters have already done that. My takeaway is thank you to the channel for these videos! As a neurodivergent person, who’s good with wit & people but bad at understanding society’s unwritten “rules” and how certain things are generally perceived. I tend to be too candid, I’ve always thought that’s what people actually want to hear and it’s painted as “moral”, but that can get you in hot water or, unfortunately completely misunderstood if you don’t do society’s “dance” around subjects in the way you illustrate here. I’m not saying we should be this way but thank you for giving people the tools they may need in a confusing world full of general perceptions. I’m 25 & have been bullied and teased a lot in life I’m very much still learning what’s the best response in each situation.
Jay Leno's comeback is one of the best death blows I've seen.
And then he followed it up with the covering his chin joke! Super funny
Calling something out is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to keep the relationship safe and healthy, or it even makes the relationship stronger. I recommend calling it out early so it doesn’t form into an inside joke or anything
"If you hit a wrong note, it's the next note that you play that determines if it's good or bad." - Miles Davis. What this means is that, when life plays a "note", it is my response that determines wether or not the "Note" life played was good or bad.
Here's how you make someone regret disrespecting you: fight bias with bias. I did the same thing when l taught my boss a lesson on why tactlessness and condescension is wrong. She once questioned me for putting black linens on the tables for the wedding reception instead of white, the correct/usual color (but in my defense, we usually put on black linens for *any* event, and I don't even generally set the reception linens). Oh, and she was upset I had signed up for a one-person shift. I'll admit, I am much better with a helping hand and guide, but come on, that's no excuse for being insensitive. One of our student leader's responsibilities is organizing who works which shifts on the schedule, and my boss scolded him for not noticing I had signed up for a one-person shift. When she asked him if she thought I could do the shift, I answered for him with a firm "yes," because I felt belittled by her. She said she didn't think so, was all "I've told you not to sign up for shifts by yourself, I've been very clear about that, I don't know how much clearer I can get for you to listen" (something like, that, so I'm not perfectly quoting her), and she told me I need someone there to give me instructions and guide me. I regretfully didn't stand up for myself because I was too intimidated But feeling resentfully brave and determined _this_ time, I decided to do what she did to me back to her. My college's disability services was hosting a program to educate and prepare Special Ed kids who were considering enrolling here. We caterers were serving the food, and every time I saw my boss talking to a teenager, I would immediately go over there and either *a.* tell my boss she's needed somewhere or if she can help me with something, or *b,* offer _my_ help to the kid. My boss eventually concluded that I was deliberately trying to keep her away from the students, and she insisted I tell her what was going on. I acted like I had no choice and "admitted" I was trying to prevent her from potentially saying anything offensive to the learning-disabled kids. I acted like I was trying to protect them because I wasn't sure she would be 100% respectful; that I worried she might say something condescending, even if unintentionally. When she expressed her offense at such a judgmental, faithless perspective, I referenced what she'd said to me about working alone (without sounding passionate or angrily offended). I told her that what she said is actually a very classic point of view about my fellow disabled learners. That it's very common for people who learn slowly to feel questioned and belittled, and I didn't want any of them to feel that way at the service. "If you can say what you said to me that day, I'm just" [spoke gently and awkwardly to feign tact] "...not sure you won't say anything similar to those special Ed kids. Having a brain that's limited and wired differently is extremely tough, especially with the way normies talk to you. I didn't want to make things worse for them. I would never forgive myself and I allowed the risk to happen today and didn't do anything about it. As a man who has experience with a learning disability, it kind felt like my job to protect those in my position, if that makes sense as to why I did what I did."
I really wish Hill didn’t let Kimmel off the hook so easily
Never mix emotions with a possible conflicts, stay calm and don't take everything serious. Emotions and getting loud has ALWAYS a negative outcome. It's not about being the stronger person... respect the other party and set the rules to continue the conversation. Take me for example... I never shout unless I want to reflect or "shake" the other party up... very controlled and part of the conversation not a emotional outburst.
Jay Lenos comebacks were perfection 😂
I've been bullied for all my school life. To this day it's left heavy lasting scars. I could never be witty enough or confident to laugh it off. Especially when the abusive people hurt me physically. So by the end, I turned to getting back at them by getting them in trouble for all the rules they were currently breaking, with evidence and my own well-behaved reputation. I wish you would've seen their faces. They got embarrassed and whiplashed. Never expecting they themselves to get targeted back. It was as if they saw themselves on top of the world where they thought no one could touch them. It was absolutely exihlerating Of course, afterwards I was extra cautious because I knew they would want me dead. Thank god I always stuck with responsible adults and crowded places.
Reading this is like looking at a time capsule for me... Some advice I wish I could have said to my younger self: You had done a great job, getting back at them with evidence, but you might be walking a risky path. You did good. Yet Don't always believe adults will be 100% protective for you, even as a kid. There'll come days where you might be attacked even whilst surrounded by adults, heck some teachers may ignore your struggle when it happened near them (this happened to me). But the best thing I had wished I did is to learn to fight back directly, I don't mean just physically. Learn to become stronger, learn to use precise, incorruptible language when confronting abusive behaviour. Your reputation as a "good kid" is always worth less than self-preservation. I'd recommend martial arts, learning COC's "NICE" method, learning that conflicts may be inevitable when confronting clear abusive behaviour in the future, but is still be worth doing (If there's a very high risk to your life, it may not be as viable to confront the behaviour directly so it depends). Also, charity (or club) events can bring a lot of good, honest people into your life while you may be social outcasted or loosing friendships due to the bullying/reputation (also happened to me).
I didn't fight back because my mom signed the permission slip (behind my dad's back) to allow the school to hit me if I got into trouble (which was never going to happen...I was a "good kid"). Why get beat up three times just for standing up for myself? 1) by he bully and her gang, 2) the school for having gotten in a fight, and 3) my parents for having gotten in trouble at school. The next year when they sent the permission slip home, I asked my mom not to sign it. Her reply was that she expected me to behave. It was my first what the... moment. I did behave and not because of the threat of violence. Actual performance didn't matter. Years later when my dad found out she signed the permission slip, I've never seen him so angry with her.
I love this. I steer away from fights as much as I can. But I won't think twice to stand up for myself or for others when the situation calls for it - sometimes it results into conflicts (even if I do it calmly) as a collateral damage. This video really would help a lot to eliminate those instances.
Can only imagine you work hard to make it as an actor and you feel confident about yourself, and some paparazzi just wants to make fun of you. Great video on standing up for yourself!
I appreciate how you post these quick videos to us "cheap" students, who still want to learn some quick & easy techniques, for fine-tuning our social skills, but are not quite ready to jump into 'full immersive classes' yet. Haha 💙 Cheers!
I have been bullied in university. It wasnt new, i was also bullyed in school a lot, but it was surprising, because it came out of blue. The new girl who suddenly transfered to our class just started harasing me very passive-aggressive. It went on for a whole year. The teacher who led our group witnessed all the harassment but believed that it was just a "critique". I snaped after this non human continued "critiquing" me, when i was supposed to have private discussion of my project with the teacher. I snapped because my family was grieving a loss of my granddad and i was overwhelmed to continue to endure the sh*t she was giving me. And the first thing that teacher did after i called out the bullying in our group chat, was to painting me off an an agressor. I quit that group soon after. I am just disappointed I didnt quit the university as well. It did not worth my sanity there.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I think that is why bully's targets don't speak up...fear of lack of support.
Just going through your videos when I saw this was uploaded 15 seconds ago! Thanks for all you do man.
This unlocked an ancient middle school memory of mine. For whatever reason, this kid got jealous of me for hanging out with his ex girlfriend, and he was a bit verbal about it, calling me names and such, but I somehow just laughed at it all and made him look like a clown. Even his ex was stunned at how I wasn't offended. Of course, I didn't like being called names, so the expected reaction was for me to fight back, but I guess I just laughed it off.
You are a confident boi my man
Did boi is the expected me, but I’m “different “👌
Nah you laughed as a coping mechanism
I haven't watched this channel in a while but there's almost always something very valuable in these videos and there was a ton of it in this one. These videos also usually have a really friendly tone so it's basically impossible to feel worse after watching one. Thanks for posting these eventhough it's a big part of your job. Happy New Year from Finland 🇫🇮☺💥
As a kid I was very good at turning the laughing back on others but it turned me into a bully and I didn't like what it created in me. As I got older I started to just look at someone who's behaving badly with disappointment and instead of others laughing at bullies it turned into a room of disapproval for bullies.
Best way to avoid fights is to be physically fit and composed enough to make your potential attackers believe victory for them would be unlikely
In this video, when he say fight, he means an argument, not physical combat. In a civilized setting where everyone knows each other by name, a physical confrontation is going to be detrimental to the aggressor in the long term. If someone assaults/batter you - they lose the social game. Charisma isn't about dissuading a potential assailant and giving a good impression to witnesses.
No. You just have to respect yourself and let the world see that. Diminutive men with confidence can get what they want from violent men if they know how to treat them. There’s always the risk of coming across a wildcard that will lash out, but a physically confident man runs the same risk.
So intimidate people with the potential for violence and they'll back down? Brilliant! Why don't you try that with a police some day?
@@Ty-ri7dy Negative IQ comment.
@@Ty-ri7dy No. To do that you need money and power.
yay! Thanks for sharing, Charlie. Charisma University is fun and I really love how in depth it goes.
I always learn something from these videos but this was the first time i felt validation for my natural reaction to things. Feels good to know that I've grown 😌
Standing up for yourself either comes naturally or develops over time with practice. It is truly an art form. If you don’t do it, learn to. You are worth it.
Thank you for all the advice through all the years. I hope one day I would be featured on this list with all of these other amazing people! ❤
Omg thank you so much for making this video. I could not thank you more. As I recover from abuse I don't know what to do during conflict.
Look at Tom Hardy responding to a journalist responding who questions his sexuality. He just says "Why?" and thats it.
Always maintain control of you. That’s all you ultimately have control over. And if you can’t control your own actions, that’s on you. 💯
Have a higher purpose outside of yourself. You can still get insulted or put down but the ego isn’t crushed if you attach your self worth to something bigger than you.
“I don’t initiate violence, I retaliate” [Chuck Norris] 🖖
Chest hair intensifies
Thank you for this insight, I am autistic and none of this comes naturally or intuitively to me, but it does make sense when broken down and explained
Thank you for giving an option for those of us who struggle was thinking of something witty to say on the spot. 😂 And also giving the example with an icon like Anne Hathaway. I genuinely love her interviews
She's actually a vampire, she's so attractive even at her age. I love when people take care of themselves as oppose to getting surgeries and stuff to look like something they're not. Just good old healthcare. Her personality is so sweet and genuine.
I always learn so much from you guys, it helps me understand life a little bit more. Thanks so much. Stay safe and catch up again real soon God bless.
"If something hits you, you hit them back 10 times harder"
If someone tries to give you a fist bump, simply deck them to assert dominance
@@chairio6212Especially if it is a culturally appropriating WHITE guy. The nerve!
Yeah I’ve definitely had situations where it looked like was going to dissect something rude someone had said. And USUALLY the other person gets that same pit in their stomach they caused you. Once you pull that back with “gotcha”, sane people tend to immediately reflect and be grateful. You hand someone a little warranted guilt and a line they don’t cross. I work with gruff people often delivering bad news and most people have an instinctual reaction to shoot the messenger
Being able to laugh at yourself is fantastic and so important. It’s great to have a sense of humor. Water off your back. But it is also important to be mindful of what you’re saying to yourself. Be kind to yourself so you don’t get used to hearing negative things.
I've been watching your videos for years guys and I'm always so impressed by the high level of insight and info you share with your viewers. Solid work as usual and really useful. You've earned your subscribers and I wish you all the best for the future and look forward to more helpful videos. Thank you.
I'd LOVE for the guys to put together a clip for that little song at the end, including lyrics (we know Eugene can sing) and do a making of video!! That'd be cool. Imagine Keith learning to play drums, Ned doing rhythm and Zac doing bass to Eugene rocking a mic....
I think the shoutout to the editing team is a great gesture! Keep up the good work!
In my mind I combine the laughing at myself/create banter technique followed by the good ol’ knife through the hand. Only works at dinner table convos.
Stating the consequence of what's going to happen if they keep pushing is a really solid piece of advice. I was recently in a situation where a friend was joking and called a German friend of mine a nazi. They ment it to be completely playful but of course if you know anything about the culture of Germany you know that's crossing the line. I didn't want to throw my friend into the fire so with the same level of playfulness I said "don't say that". They didn't get the hint and said it again. At this moment I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to fully esculent so I repeated what I did before. And unfortunately that didn't help and my German friend rightfully got very annoyed and upset and ended up drawing the line for them selves. In hindsight and after watching this video perhaps a more appropriate response would be "we are going to need to have a serious discussion about boundaries if you keep saying that". Of course tone matters a lot when dealing with these situations.
"I don't think that's amusing and I don't think does either."
Hehe I need this, thank you for uploading this, Charisma on Command!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:14 ⚠️ Insults from friends can be handled in three ways: firing back, ignoring, or setting boundaries. 01:10 ⚠️ Ignoring insults and denying the desired reaction can be an effective strategy to discourage the behavior. 02:22 ⚠️ Drawing a soft boundary by calmly expressing discomfort and moving on can establish limits without causing conflict. 03:30 ⚠️ Setting a hard line by firmly expressing boundaries and explaining consequences can be necessary for more serious situations. 05:11 ⚠️ Bantering back with a similar insult can turn a potentially offensive comment into friendly banter. 06:41 ⚠️ Faking offense with exaggerated non-verbal cues can show confidence and diffuse tension in a playful way. 07:35 ⚠️ Laughing at oneself when someone attempts to insult can convey confidence and make interactions more enjoyable. 08:18 ⚠️ Developing self-confidence is crucial in handling insults without being easily rattled.
great tips for learning to gracefully stand up for yourself. thank you!