How to Detach: A Super Power for Life & Leadership | Jocko Willink & Dr. Andrew Huberman
Jocko Willink shares with Dr. Andrew Huberman how he first discovered the life and leadership superpower of detachment while training as a Navy SEAL.
Jocko Willink is a retired Navy SEAL officer and author of multiple books on effective leadership and teamwork, self-discipline and mindset, and host of the Jocko Podcast. Dr. Andrew Huberman is a tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine and host of the Huberman Lab podcast.
Full episode: • Jocko Willink: How to ...
Show notes: hubermanlab.com/jocko-willink...
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This clip is from the Huberman Lab episode "Jocko Willink: How to Become Resilient, Forge Your Identity & Lead Others." The full episode can be found on KZhead here: kzhead.info/sun/ksOLcbx6g6ZnnIU/bejne.html
"It's very hard to be detached when you're talking. You want to detach, shut your mouth." Excellent advice. I've always found this to be true.
I don’t get it explain plz
In other words, it's hard to detach when you're constantly speaking. Stepping back and listening instead of talking makes it easier.@@esperanza7948
@@esperanza7948Do your best not to immediately react to a situation. If you’re talking, you’re already reacting. Instead, take a moment to observe what is happening rather than immediately responding through speech or action.
As a psychotherapist who practices internal family systems methodology, this is exactly right. Taking a literal or figurative step back from your reactive parts gives you space to consider options about your response. Bravo, Jocko.
and as a psychotic therapist I approve
Where?
Hows the field going? More "Inclusivity"?.
Meditation helps get to this pathway much quicker imo
Thank you
How to detach: literally step back, take a breath, and think about the situation in front of you from a broader perspective. The more you do this, the easier it gets and the more you can do it within your mind and skip the step of physically stepping back straight to stepping back mentally
Thanks, Alex
When in extreme stress, taking a physical step back breaks the physiology of fight or flight response. It takes a physical action to interrupt the physical reaction. The brain does not differentiate between physical & emotional stress. Learning to use a small physical action to interrupt the mental condition that was spured on by a physiological reaction is indispensable.
@@williamallen7836the outer world mirrors the inner world and the other way around. Broadening your field of view, also broadens your mind and spirit
Another way to detach: acknowledge what is under your control (ie: your thoughts, your emotions, your actions) and what isn't (everything else), and don't get churned up by everything that you can't control.
As a yoga instructor, we teach this in our classes: it is a superpower to be able to sit and detach from your emotions. Not discarding them but to able to discern without letting them muddy your judgement. In yoga, we take a big picture approach in the way we move which then translates in a big picture approach to how we live.
That is also a strategy taught in occupational rehabilitation, or so I have been told. (The last part of what you said) One sometimes should seek to be slow yet deliberate in their movements. Every joint rotation, every tensing muscle, every ping of pain. And the musician's version of the same wisdom: if you can play it slowly, then you can play it quickly.
No one cares!
@Rz buddy I also apply the same rule... 3rd party perspective... That's really have been a blessing to me
@@IIISentorIII Are you no one?
❤
Jocko says he's never meditated, but I think it's like a fish who doesn't realize he's in water. He's practically meditating in bursts every time he realizes he's being hyperfocused. I feel what makes him most remarkable is that he naturally seeks that state of mind whereas others need instruction or some kind of motivation to meditate.
I love finding people who take different paths to get to the right answer.
Very true, im feeling the same vibe
Not to mention he always talks about keeping ego in check.
Straight that's what sets him apart
When I skip rope, it's almost like meditation for me. Any physical work you do with complete focus is almost equivalent to meditation.
I like the way Calvin Coolidge put it: "Four-fifths of all our troubles would disappear, if we would only sit down and keep still."
What is really impressive is that Jocko can intimidate his way out of probably 99% of any scenario, yet he has the presence and mindset to not use it. To have a weapon like that in your toolkit and not use it, is so much more powerful. The result is that this is a 10 minute masterclass on how to build trust.
It's kind of like what Jordan Peterson talks about when he says that you should be capable of being a monster but be able to control it.
@@HeavyweightMind Good point, and it's also the original meaning of "gentleman" - a person who's a "man" (decisive, confident, strong) but also "gentle" (courteous and friendly towards those weaker than him).
I'm as big a straight shooter as Jocko. But I have no idea looking out...
Intimidation does not work in 99% of situations, that is why.
Like Jordan Peterson says… be a monster but have the discipline to not use it.
Going all the way back to proverbs in the Bible : even a fool is thought wise when he keeps silent. And " a wise man knows when to speak and when to listen and be silent" this is wisdom that's been around forever, Jocko has a great way of re-presenting it in this day and age.
Everything these types teach as New age actually isn't, they love claiming it though
@@azaleaslightsage1271 To be fair, I think Jocko said he's basically just saying and presenting things that is ancient wisdom. I've heard him make that disclaimer before.
I detach from someone when I know the problem is beyond my control. There's no solution to the problem, then it's time to detach. Your life is better than what you expected and you get to be in peace.
To anyone else who, like me, was/is wondering why we struggle so much with this-it’s a skill that we get better at with practice. Keep practicing! 💪
Thank youu 💕 very reassuring
What I take away from this is you don't have to win every single battle in order to win the war. There's a time to double-down and engage, and there's a time to fall back, give up a little ground, and live to fight another day. Focus on the war, not the battle. Not all battles are of equal importance. It took me years and years to realize this.
That';s also subjective depending on how the individual values the specific ground. Sometimes there's also compromise and no battle need be fought at all, each carries on as they were and move forward with positivity and resolution.
Yeah. But there's comes a time when you're willing to bleed & die on that worthless mound of dirt called a hill. Most of the time I cede ground with the wife over the small stuff. But eventually there comes a time when, nope, this mound of dirt might as well be gold. I know I'm right, and tired of tacitly being called a moron that can't remember shit. When I know for a fact she forgot to inform me of me of something that ultimately doesn't matter, but due to her interactions growing up gets highly defensive when she makes a mistake. So will almost automatically defensively push it off on someone else. It drives her nuts when I refuse to accept the responsibility, but eventually owns up & apologizes for having done it.
I just want to say, that I use "Detach" every day, and its super super helpful. I also use, "People are terrain" they just are, and you have to navigatie it. When I was younger, I always had a desire to change the people (convince them to be different) or change them out. Part of life's adventure is learning to navigate people. Thanks Jocko, for being so helpful.
That's very true. When I started taking on more management type role at work my boss would sometimes call to ask how things were going. My answer was always the same, "Machines are easy to fix, people not so much." He knew exactly what I meant. 😂
Golden words. Thank you so much!
I think what Jocko means is to alternate. See things from a third person perspective. It’s a practice that stoicism offers. Often we get caught up in our own problems, our own point of view. If we see our life at times as if we were watching a movie our problems will look different, even less difficult.
Reminds me of a quote from Victor Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." What Jocko does here is manually widening that space, mentally and physically.
Exactly This is why people meditate It allows us to re-center , relax, and listen.
I love how vulnerable Andrew is. He truly is an amazing guy!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🚫 Detachment from problems: To solve problems effectively, detach yourself to gain a broader perspective and make better decisions. 01:55 🌀 Field of view: Detachment broadens your field of view, enabling better assessment and decision-making in various situations. 04:17 🧠 Mechanisms of detachment: Physically stepping back, slowing down breath, and avoiding defensive postures help cultivate detachment. 06:34 🚀 Exponential benefits: Detachment allows you to see more than others, leading to better calls, especially in team scenarios. 09:25 🔇 Active listening: Detachment involves shutting your mouth and actively listening to others to gain deeper insights and identify potential flaws in plans. Made with HARPA AI
Take a step back. Put your chin up. Put your hands down. Listen to the other people talk. Thanks Jocko. Great advice for life and for work.
You two are a hugely effective collaboration. Thank you!
As an artist this is what we do when working a painting, step back look at the picture as a whole, then make a decision. Just happens naturally because a detail needs to belong/relate to the bigger picture. Interesting how that applies so broadly. Thanks Jocko and Doc H. 👍
This is awesome advice. Life changer. I never realized this could be a mindfulness strategy.
I am learning to do this with family members who try to get under my skin. What’s so helpful about this practice is you start to witness, in real-time, your feelings as they happen. Remaining quiet and allowing whatever slights are thrown at you to dissipate has been valuable for my inner peace. Of course, this is new for me and I still need a lot of practice. Always learning…😊
As a person on the internet, I can attest that evaluating a situation before action is a wise thing to do. On the real tho, this is two incredible individuals sharing insights I love.
Best advice for human interaction from someone who clearly lives it!
i grew up with a severely emotionally abusive father. which lead me to gain a super poor self concept, addictions, and obesity. i was detahced for over 20 years. im now doing the internal work to heal and its honestly really painful just knowing the ones who are supposed to love and care for you are the ones that broke you. its now time to detach from this identy and the people who perpetuated it and learn to love and trust again.
I think it’s really impressive how the platoon chief didn’t let his ego get in the way. Even though Jocko was the youngest and most junior guy there the chief congratulated him on the call. Somehow he recognized Jocko’s amazing leadership ability, and wasn’t concerned about him making a potentially catastrophic call. It’s funny because I always thought of the military as being really rigid where everyone follows orders. I would never have thought they'd praise behavior outside of the ‘chain of command.’
I will echo your sentiment and add that I don’t think his colleagues had his same idea because the armed forces are so well regimented. A lot of people aren’t well equipped to make split-second decisions, which is why there is a clear chain of command.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm having to detach from someone I became obsessed with and I wasn't coping very well, with messages, with social media etc. This i need to adapt to and learn. Thanks for the share!
If you struggle with this, consider adding people you trust to the equation. Talking problems through with someone else, a trusted friend or respected advisor, can help you formulate your own thoughts better and get someone else's perspective too. This can greatly support you in the beginning.
😊
Thank you for sharing . You are a very strong man. Mentally and physically. I feel like I just heard the most powerful man in the world give me advice, lol Thank you. I’m going to listen to this every day. Thank you thank you.
It's a good vision. I've literally held my breath and listened carefully. I think I'll be using this. And this is so simple that I have no chance to mess this up
Wow! That was so well said and your example drew a vivid image of your point! One day I'm going to attend one of your speaking engagements or you training program if you have one! EXCELLENT training!
Detachment and listening rather than speaking work miracles. Thank you.
sometimes you are too deep into the problem to see the solution to the problem. Yes, stepping away or back from a problem can help give you the high level view of the problem. This isn't really detachment it's more like stepping back to gain perspective.
Excellent, these videos are immensely helpful. The military situation Jocko describes is an example of the flow between narrow and wide focus, a plasticity that requires overarching "situational awareness" to most effectively exploit. It applies to nearly every aspect of life, from sport to interpersonal relationships. Thanks for reminding me of this powerful skill, it's something that I have let atrophy and must rebuild.
Excellent . Jocko obviously has what my grandfather called " keen powers of observation " .
This is one of the MOST HELPFUL VIDEOS I’ve seen in a while. Thank you Jocko!
So blessed to be alive with Jocko & Andrew kickn it & dropping 🔥 game! Shhhh just in time to level her up in 23'!
One of the elements of being good at de escalation. This was a great discussion.
Absolutely brilliant! Thank you! Good practical advice. Happy New Year, guys!
When this is part of just who your are and you no longer have to think about taking the step back, it's like the world spins slower. Total trip! Everything seems so slow and it is much easier to see the answers or maybe just that there is a problem. But, the draw back is you are surrounded by a world that doesn't see what you see.
The two of you together is the chiefs kiss. Thank you both for sharing your minds.
Great insight about changing your posture to change emotion and also whether you are perceived as a threat.
I’m terrible at this skill. I go into fight mode, and I just wanna keep fighting the situation. I just keep getting further heightened. I need to listen to this everyday for a month.
You're on your journey. I also struggled and I'm much better now cos I removed myself literally from toxic people. Now that I know I'm I'm control of how I respond, I'm more aware. It takes practice. Don't shame yourself. ❤
It's not your fault (probably). The current state of society entices feuds. And dragging them on endlessly and handling them in the stupidest way possible. Back when honor actually existed, things would be settled with things like a 6 cylinder and publically calling for a duel. Nobody takes honor seriously anymore and it's showing. Violence is not ideal but lack of consequence also fails. And here is what we get. A Snookie Jersey Shore crony-capitalist existence of using people, insulting people, and snubbing people hard without proper repercussion. This is a global behavioral disorder. But things are always changing. In the meantime, it is a true challenge to navigate through these slimey imbeciles haha.
This is amazing. Do what Jocko says with peripheral awareness and it will be a life saver !
The sports version is perhaps a good analogy. Most of the best quarterbacks in american football and many other positions on the field: They keep their head on a swivel. Even a slight movement of rotation in the neck can allow one to more accurately asses the space around them. That can be literal or metaphorical.
Strategy games taught me this, not sure on chess because a lot of older guys tell me I over focus on things rather than widen my view but on strategy games like polytopia and the galactic conquest on star wars battlefront II (2005), before engaging the enemy I literally take a step back and use my eyes to analyze each blocks and try to see where they might come and or how they will respond if I try to move my units, now it's not like entrapping like what chess players often do but rather it's more on yeah finding holes if my plan is sound enough that it's all about mitigating the tradeoffs in the choices I make
Exactly detach from the situation and find a solution for the problem
I did this a lot without knowing I was doing it. Step back, stop reacting, and especially in personal relationships just lay the solution out for the other parties and walk away. If they come back on the same page then great, if they don't then they're history. Did it with my entire family, and that was very hard. But my life, personal and professional, took off when they were no longer the entire focus of my decision making. I do it professionally as well; it's so easy to get caught up in minutiae or feelings but at the end of the day we have a goal. The goal is to be profitable. If what we're doing or being caught up in, if what our focus is being dominated by doesn't serve that then it is not important.
As a person who barely graduated high school, this is good.
Wow, love this!! I'm going to "hold left, and clear right" today. Yeah Buddy!!!
Wow I needed this right now, thank you Jocko.
From my perspective, it is important for us to widen our field of view to better manage the situation. And this can be done in any situation of our daily activities. Take a step back and regroup to get best possible solution
I subconsciously learned how to do this and it gives me so much peace.
Fantastic insight. I, particularly, loved the "chin up/hands down" bit.
I have learned to handle all life's obstacles with this method.
Sharing this story is so much more helpful to understand this tactics! Thank you so much!
Man I am struggling with this right now. Feeling defeated and lost is a rough place to be. One day at a time. Shrug it off, some things are out of your control right?
Stop staring down the barrel of that problem 🙏, take a step back and look around
love the advice on how to detach. That is something I need to work on and will use some of those mechanical techniques.
Love Jocko. Thanks for having him on. He always has something I can grab on to. Simple, practical and powerful.
He’s helping the next generations learn his skills cause we need more men like him. Even tho there’s so much technology, we still need more operators.
Beautiful insight, ima use this, good work Doc & Joc 👊😎
I need to focus on that,Thank you!
This helped me a lot especially in my relationship. I started removing myself it helped so much.
Meditate and practice situational awareness all the time
This man is a LEADER!!!
Detachment is definitely a super power. 👌 im practicing it daily. Im a very logical thinker due to it.
Whoahhh Jocko, what a great human being
Great advice! Meditation helps to be non- reactive like this. It’s the way of a leader, who knows how to control her/his emotions.
Getting out stepping back and analyzing the situation is basically how I quit drinking. I was an alcoholic.
I've been trying to figure out how to detach for awhile and this is the first example I understand.
The other thing to do is to see that your thoughts just happen. Like, you don't choose what you think - you just think it. Same with the body sensations that accompany thoughts (anxiety, etc) - those just 'happen,' too. So all the sudden you realize this thing - this experience you're having - isn't really in your control at all. Yes, you're you're a learning, pragmatic human, with a conscience and who will always experience the consequences of his actions (there's no getting out of that for anyone), but still you aren't precisely in control of those thoughts, those actions, because choice isn't what we think. Again, what you think, how you feel, what you prefer - you don't choose any of those things. See this, and in the moments that you do, your ego starts to realize it's not actually doing much. And then what you experience feels a little more like a play, like you're being lived, than the version of life it's been up till now.
I really needed to hear this right now, thank you for the message
I gleaned from this. Thank you.
LOVE this.
This is solid advice for racing thoughts/anxiety
This is gold.
You are a very smart man. Thank you very much for this video.
Great advice 🤙 perspective & body language 👌✨
Well done Platoon chief for not letting your ego blind you to this talent.
Incredible wisdom !
I think this might really help me, the picking up your chin thing. I have really deep set eyes, so at any downward angle I look like i'm glaring. I have astigmatisms in both my eyes so looking through my eyebrows shortens my field of view, helping me to see just a little better without glasses. I did this for about the first 7 years of my life before I got glasses, and now i'm in highschool and I look down at my computer, at my work, at my desk because it has something written on it and i'm trying to figure out what it says, so I just have a downward pointed posture all the time. my spine is pretty good, i've been working on keeping a straight back, but my eyes have this deep, glaring position at all times and it's even worse when I remove my glasses because they hide the hoods over my eyes, making them look even deeper set. I tried picking up my chin farther than seemed natural to me and I had a few of my friends ask what was happening, because for the first time in over a decade, I looked happy. I know that's not the purpose of this video but I guess I feel like it's worth mentioning.
Stepping back is what artists do to see better whole things better.
This is stoic, a good example!
damn Jocko is intense. Was like a vortex when he told his story.
Great video and tips!
“chin up hands down,”can’t wait to share this with my 3 young boys.
So cool. The analogy of the gun site is so cool
3:34 this is what exactly happened to me. I’m 20 years old and I had this vision outreach. It was like I was on another planet one where no one enters, it was immersive. looking around in another dimension. Vary clear to see.
This was such a great episode.
Great advice!
I'm a groundskeeper and I get so irritated when people litter. I need to find a way to accept that some people are just going to litter...thanks Jocko and Andrew
This guy is the real ' REACHER '.
Extreme Ownership👍love the book❤️
There are a lot of people out there that would benefit greatly from this - the people that just raise their voice and talk over you in ANY situation. 😂🤣🙄
Thanks, Jocko!
Great stuff!
Simply step back, take control, and breathe. The more days you go without, the brighter the days become.
Agree - but when you are in emotional turmoil it is really really challenging - I am there now...
dare yourself to willingly feel the sensations of those emotions. Not the story of them, not intellectualizing why you feel bad. Just the actual buzzes, tingles, tensions of anxiety, sorrow, doubt, grief, whatever it is. The only other option is what we all do: clench against the sensation of the emotion we don't want to feel. And then you just stay clenched. Instead, dare yourself to feel the sensation, as often as you can. In the same way you can think of the tip of your finger and it'll start buzzing, put your mind on the physical sensation you're avoiding. Hold it there. Watch what happens.
excellent.. Thank you Both for all the value that you provide ;)
Watch this video after Andrew's video with Lex Friedman on his "praying/meditation". The big picture will literally burst in your face. Detachment & medication & letting go/praying, it is fascinating