How to Navigate Relationships as a High Performer | David Goggins & Dr. Andrew Huberman
David Goggins and Dr. Andrew Huberman discuss the complexities of maintaining discipline, personal growth, and the pursuit of goals while navigating relationships.
David Goggins is a retired Navy SEAL, highly accomplished ultramarathoner, best-selling author, and influential public speaker. Dr. Andrew Huberman is a tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine and host of the Huberman Lab podcast.
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This clip is from the Huberman Lab episode “David Goggins: How to Build Immense Inner Strength.” The full episode can be found on KZhead here: kzhead.info/sun/oaiFkpyXrpmOaGg/bejne.html
Andrew you are a treasure to society 💎
It's disappointing you stooped to hustle culture marketing.
"One thing I did wrong in my life was I tried for so many years to please people, and I did it at the expense of myself" That cut deep...tremendous revelation.
Me too
He actually gives great relationship advice. He basically says, this is how i am and how i feel great about myself. I need it to be me. If you dont like that, its okay and we cant be together, but for me, its very important so im not gonna drop it, even not for a single day.
That's not great relationship advice. That's advice on how to be great while in a relationship.
But you're forgetting the part where he says that he gives 100% to his partner when he's not doing what he needs to do.
He left his wife and kid. He has no right to give any advice at all.
@@Johnny3Batony Oh, did he? Why?
@@nicolasaguilar1258therefore, it’s GREAT relationship advice…You’re definitely slow 😂
If you don’t care of yourself you can’t take care of others. Love this guy!
There’s a healthy version of this and an unhealthy version of this. Taking care of my child is taking care of myself. Taking care and respecting, honouring my relationship/ partner is taking care of me- people are too selfish instead of realizing the interconnected ness we are.
Communication & setting boundaries- those are the 2 main ingredients I got from this. Super spot on. Oh and also knowing yourself & being true to yourself. As Goggins said, he’ll give u his all emotionally, physically, financially when it’s YOU time. But when it’s ME time, he expects space & respect. This is awesome advice for a successful relationship.
I relate so much to this, balancing relationships with creative purpose (including time needed alone) is my perennial struggle, and I've definitely NOT figured it out. There's a long way to go. Being upfront and expressing boundaries is crucial. In my experience, boundaries are most efficient when they have a degree of flexibility and compassion, and they're delivered with care. You can try going gung-ho but trust me, that'll only isolate you more. Discerning between people-pleasing and genuine intimacy needs and desires is a difficult process.
Love can’t happen if you’re selfish. That means letting go of ego and not putting oneself first.
Gentlemen reading this: at 4:17, Goggins says “I am not what you want in a man.” Please, please, before you try to emulate him, let this sink in. And women, when you hear these words from someone self-aware and honest enough to say them, please for the love of God please LISTEN AND DON’T THINK YOU CAN CHANGE HIM! Doesn’t mean he’s not for you, but you /we can’t hold this against people who have warned us clearly.
His statement is simple and profoundly true
Problem is that a lot of men are not self aware enough to say this and will string along women because having someone else who takes care of cooking, cleaning, raising kids allows them to be “who they are”. If you don’t want a relationship AND the sacrifices that come with it, be willing to state it.
Or by saying this they think it gets them off the hook for bad or neglectful behavior. @@melissameza4032
6:50 Abandonment issues. "If I show them who I really am, they'll leave me". We create versions of ourselves that people will like and stay with. Sort out those issues and be free 🕊️!
I admire that David admitted this attitude towards relastionships. I can imagine a lot of people won't approve of it, but I admire him for sharing it with thousands on youtube.
Very few people can handle a relationship where someone is driven and needs that time and space that doesn’t include the other person. I fail at relationships because, for me, time goes away when I’m in my zone and I forget I’m supposed to remember an important date or event or even to spend time with them. It’s absolutely not about love. It’s about who you need to be and what you need to do that exists without anyone but you. I’m not happy if you need me to be less of me I’ll never ask another human to stop doing a single thing that makes them who they need to be. We will get together when we can and it will be as wonderful as always.
Truly Beautiful 💯
Never thought I'd see forgetting an anniversary as a flex outside of a sketch comedy show
We’re in an age where relationships are easily thrown away- an age of self absorption. Hoggins obviously sucks at relationships. Not sure why anyone would take relationship advice from someone that’s failed and proudly saying he refuses to be selfless and change(expanding emotional capacity here is the change he is refusing) for the betterment of the whole. Emotional intelligence is not only being aware of self but also of others around you.
@@josecovarrubias1253i think it’s about owning yourself completely, then extending that positive ownership to also encompass others. I think that itself is an act of pure love, cause it’s 100% truth and well meaning. No manipulation or deception what so ever.
@@josecovarrubias1253you’ve clearly never been at a point in life where your really building something that requires your attention 24/7
Needed this- been sacrificing myself for others constantly and now that I'm doing what I actually want, there's push back. Love the perspective of giving so others leave you alone 🙌🏻
Because of this video I am now subscribing. I would love to hear high achieving women bring their raw thoughts to the table of what it is to be a solo or partnered high performing woman and the joys and anguish of navigating relationships.
This is one of the most helpful things I will ever hear. Thank you.
I can categorize 4 key points, based in what my dad taught me: 1) Communication is a good start: truth is the best way to lay priorities; 2) Common values structure among family members/loved ones, but also accepting differences in routine preferences (we'll do some things together and we'll do some things by ourselves); 3) Teamwork in the Time management: having a clear vision of what is to come in a daily / weekly / monthly / yearly base; 4) A mindset of flexibility: to calibrate when last minute stuff comes knocking. There is nothing more inspiring than having someone next to you that's driven, motivated, disciplined (this is THE definition of a high value person, btw). I could add a fifth point: where there's love there's a way. Give someone "everything" is very subjective, and I think that is very healthy in a couple/family to have individual routines, otherwise we just lose our identity.
Wow, amazing! Thank you for sharing this👏
Well said!
Very well said.
Healthy boundaries & communication. Gold!
Goggins is spot on. Honesty, to oneself, and care for what you have built inside and is admirable, deserving respect, mainly self!-respect. And Huberman just confirmed smtg I suspected all along about him, lol.
As a wife whose husband is trying to be something I would love to hear from goggins wife on how things happen and honestly how she deals with it. I think us wives are so lost in the meaning of “support” and honestly we have no role models out there who can tell it as it is. Instead it’s left to interpretation or it’s not important when in reality it’s extremely important especially now in this age of anyone can tell you why a women is supposed to be. Or how a wife is supposed to show up for their family. Please ! I hope you find this comment !
Ask your husband to be clear
Don’t use his wife as a role model, use him. Be the Goggin, find your boundaries. It goes both ways. Don’t sacrifice yourself for someone else’s progress. Sacrifice for a joint investment (your relationship) but make sure it’s both ways.
@@justinebanszkyThis!!
I think Sage, Tony Robbin’s wife might be a good role model
Flexibility is the hallmark of mental health
Yeah and he looks dead inside.. trying to stay safe within the walls he’s built 🤷♀️
This may be true…. For you
Facts,some of the best advice I’ve heard in a min
“The things that are important to you in life, you must do always, or you’re nobody.” What a great quote
His approach seems intense his lense which he sees through seems intense but those are his to have. However the concept and science behind will power I think huberman and goggins made it clear that this is universally real loved this episode
I understand him a lot, in many way I feel like him. I need to improve my communication, last time it costed me too much.
LMAO I freaking love how real he is! 100%, don't neglect but couples also don't need to be up each other's asses all the time. We can't lose ourselves or we will grow resentful. Speaking from experience. :P
I have been telling people that for years and they say I'm a jerk because when I devote time to them, it's about them but I also need that other time for myself 💯. I don't like to be distracted when I'm in my flow state and I don't need my wife attached at the hip with me at all times. People don't understand that.
@@Rufio1975 True, just try to be compassionate when explaining this to her. Maybe try helping her understand when she's in her groove how she would feel with the interruption. Schedule date time and you time to thrive. ;)
@@Seven_709 I hear ya. I try not to be a jerk about it. I let her know her time is her time and my time is my time meaning there is no,hey go to town and do this. I'm trying to do this other thing aside from my regular job and make us more money so we have have a better life and be able to do more. But I do make time for us and I leave out my other work out of it. That's why I don't watch TV really or no sports. It takes away from what I really need to do and want to do. Take it easies.
@@Rufio1975 i believe you are not a jerk haha. Sounds like you got it. :) Also let her know how she needs to let you know stuff. All that Love Language stuff.
@@Seven_709 lol. Much appreciated and Roger that.
Yep!!! Straight up opened and transparent conversation right off the get go so the potential partner can decide for her/himself if that is something they want to endure or not... there’s no right or wrong here. It’s just about being on the same page or not...
Appreciate this conversation
Lol, Goggins isn't necessarily wrong, but he's just way too intense so it's hard to justify taking his advice. I think in a 'normal' relationships for the rest of us mortals, there's more of a give and take involved. But he's figured out what works for him, so good on him.
yes, he realised that he wants to be enlightnent for life. This guy can do anything!
this is for high performers. you have more time to spare, he does not.
He is unusually extremely gifted. The world needs ppl like him. He makes me better.
@@obsidheart Yeah, like I said, he's not wrong.
@@dparamful gifted? tf you talking about.
So true, David. We are afraid to tell people up front who we are for afraid of being disliked or judged or misunderstood. I will work on that. Thanks.
I love this!! It spoke to my spirit!! Let's get it done!!!
4:45 Hits like a brick. Sacrificing yourself to please others is an often thankless pursuit, as with most it tends to be a one way street.
I wonder how he would be if suddenly his partner was very ill or disabled and needed care. I couldn’t tell when he said “I give you everything” if he just meant money, or time as well. What if his child suddenly had special needs. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own desires for those you love.
Amen
Agreed. Even with a healthy child, your child’s needs come first.
I’m pretty sure you can get a test if the unborn baby is “special” and then you can go for plan B
For me, it was loud and clear that he is referring to money. I don't think he would give away his time for someone in need; it seems that he would pay the best specialist to work on that and get on with his stuff.
@@MrBVG92 not everyone can, or wants to, just throw money at a problem, and get one with your shit. It’s a very selfish outlook.
This is the truth!!! I will be watching the full interview.
One day huberman will find his true love ❤
I think he found him 😂😂
This is so high integrity. Clear and concise. No surprises.
Gullible
This was really great clip.
Here! Here! David!
When your happiness comes from helping others, you're on your way to your own happiness.
I needed this for real
One of the best and valuable clips ever!
This is his truth. Give thanks for sharing.
Thanks for this
I was an NCAA national champion, my wife is the number one reason for every one of my successes. I've been married 20 years, relationships are easy and good ones increase motivation, success and leisure! A truly disciplined motivated person is enhanced from there relationships!
Without a wife you would've become an Olympic champion.
Champ in what? Idk what you say makes sense but some ppl are effed up?
@@sadbravesfan a lot of my friends are Olympic Champions, they are all married! It’s true in-cells are not motivated by relationships. However, relationships prevent you from being a cross fit bro like David Goggins. Goggins is not that fast, that strong and does not run distance at a very fast pace. A spouse would tell you to do workouts that make you better, control your nutrition and take care of your body instead of doing Goggins stuff that will literally make you a worse athlete. See without someone important in our life’s, no one’s there to stop us from making bad decisions.
@@lukepowers9472 pole vault
yeah but he has more will power than you@@kaseyburlingham2861
Well said Goggins. Most people are afraid to communicate their shit.
I hear this, but also too many people will use lines like these to validate their selfishness in relationships and call it greatness.
True. However, one could argue that to be great you have to have some level of selfishness.
Greatness is defined by the western values of success~ which are highly debatable
If relationships are holding you back from achieving what you’re after. LET IT GO.
Right thing, right time. 🙏🏼
he's just a legend
i could relate myself a lot especially about pleasing ppl
Thanks for the clip. I guess, David Goggins is the personification of AMCC. ;)
He talks a lot about meeting the needs of his family in terms of money, food and material things, but what about when the family needs extra time with you? That extra hour when you should be working? Quality time is indispensable for a healthy relationship in my opinion and time is the most precious currency we have, especially as a high performer.
Omg! So exact! This is a true dilema!
Glad Hub ask that to Goggins NEVER Heard about it and still same savage 💯truth
My girl always says ppl become retarted when they’re in a relationship, she means not rational n distracted but it’s with anything when emotions are high. Love just last longer through out the days n months everything else comes n goes a lot quicker
This resonates 1000pct
Realest Shit I Heard . Ay Goggins Im coming for you bro
Omg I've been thinking about this a lot lately....
A few years ago, Goggins daughter came out and made a big post on Instagram telling her story about he basically abandoned her. She showed a bunch of childhood photos with him for proof. I've always wondered why Goggins says he's completely 100% honest about everything, but won't ever talk about his relationship with his daughter. I will always respect him for the inspirational man he is, but I question why he avoids talking about his own daughter.
Therein lies his perpetuation of inter generational trauma. If you’re looking to him for relationship/family advice, he’s not the one. His lessons in discipline are really the only thing he can offer and share.
and that's the truth of it, he treats her in similar ways (of course not beating her) but emotionally neglecting her like his father did. nobody is perfect, we as can only learn what good we can from people and discard the bad@@laranich
Same thought. He did touch on it once before… I think the London Real interview… but you can tell it’s a subject he’s not willing to approach. I love listening to him for motivation in the gym but it’s just another case of a cowherd underneath the mask. Shoutout to his daughter!
He doesn't need to tell the world about every bit of his personal life. Why do people need that?
@Rufio1975 That I totally understand. I still respect Goggins for the man he is, and the way he's changed my life. I'm just saying I find it odd that he talks about the everyday "accountability mirror" but he seems to be running away from his issues with his daughter. Nobody is perfect, and Goggins doesn't claim to be either. I guess I just see some flaws in his message.
I relate to this so much. I terrified of relationships, because I’m afraid a partner will distract me from my goals.
I feel like Goggins needs to address the current relationship he has with his child. Last public discussion about it she was claiming he abandoned her. Is this true or fair? His side of the Story is short and completely vague. A man is untitled to family privacy but if people like Huberman are projecting that David is someone to emulate than this needs to be addressed in my opinion. Being a good dad is a huge marker of success and an incredible endurance event. Does his daughter feel like he gave her everything she needed like he claims?
I'm single and struggle with this stuff, my family (mom in particular) argues with me and doesn't get it, along with every girl I've been with. It's hard, when you want a stable/meaningful relationship but also struggle with balancing it all... I like the counter balance idea he's describing
Absolutely 👏
Yes, relationship can be difficult when one is a high performer. But damn the benefits of being in that atmosphere of energy and growth is worth the flexibility and sacrifices made.
“So they can leave me tf alone…” ❤😂 …. I get it 🔥👏👏👏
👏 never compromise ❤
D.G. is the G.O.A.T... not sure specifically in which category. Pick one.
This is how strong people operate. They have to have their time to make sure they don’t revert back to they were. I’m very blunt with people. Especially in my relationships. You have to be. Not for you but for them. So they know what to expect and if they can’t handle that, then keep your feet moving.
Can't imagine how traumatic was his childhood to grow into this.
Right? Does anyone else see him soul-less, scared, living to stay safe within all the walls he’s built? 😔
Two amazing men talking about real life. Beautiful.
Humble
7 in. Wow. Powerful.
Question asked was so positive, how to handle and balance the love for another with productive lifestyle. And the answer we got was 'let the f...ker know he aint getting anything.' Thats harsh.
Nice advise. People need to take care of themselves so they can bring their best self to their relationships. Need to be honest and upfront in communicating needs and what makes you happy. Fulfillment comes from within. It’s tough navigating dependent people when you require a lot of independence for your own personal fulfillment. It’s seems pretty obvious huberman has had a tough time balancing his love of neuroscience with girlfriends. I feel these same types of conflicts from time to time as well.
It is so reassuring and vindicating to identify a kindred spirit. His perspective is almost identical to my own and it's troublesome at first but so liberating I swear it is
Amen!
Give him anything he asks cuz he’s the reason I’m here
Can’t have someone else’s inner sloth trying to pull me down to their level.
Nice
I unfortunately feel extreme pressure from the people around me to give up being high performance and become sedentry and wasteful like them.
Goggins @ 2:10 spitting gold.
Give back and do all possible for family
People commenting disagreeing with Goggins have not and will not experience the give it 100% or nothing mindset.
🙌🏻
You won’t either 😢
Lmao you're doing the "you don't get it bro," every teen does and acting like it's enlightenment
Can you really blame them? It’s an unrealistic mindset that only crazy people will adhere too. I use to have this kind of mindset years ago, it’s dangerous and unhealthy. I’m telling you, experiencing constant burnouts is no joke..
It is sad that people look to this guy for guidance.
Amen to that is damn right
Having a partner attached to the hip is the kiss of death in a relationship with someone who has a touch of the tisms.
This conversation reminded me of Christopher Reeves, aka “Superman”. He was my teenage crush, or maybe was it Superman? 🤔 When he had his accident from being thrown off a horse, he became paralyzed. I thought, what happens when Superman can’t be Superman anymore?
Then, Superman became kind of dark. Henry Cavill, tall, muscular, but then the series started to become more human like with mental issues added to it. Throw in the celebrities other shows where they play darker characters, the idea of any man being Superman isn’t very realistic, unless you’re a young teenage girl or a young boy aspiring to be their favorite superhero. 🦸♂️
What you create you own. you create will power it will always be yours, you cultivate self love, it will always be yours. You need yourself more than anyone or anything.
I agree with Goggins, I make time in my routine for my partner so I can focus on my day without recrimination. I am a driver and my partner not so much so my routines are important and understand that people have needs and may require a little more attention so I'll adjust but will not stop doing my routine for them.
I don't want to be first in someone's life. I prefer to be the cheerleader and watch them go. I can take care of myself and support them while they do all the things. And I am like him...when I have shit to do I have shit to do. I expect the same. I was never scared of that conversation. I always stated it. It just needs to be respected. I want my person to keep on keeping on. I will be here when you get back .
Agree
Problem is that a lot of men are not self aware enough to say this and will string along women because having someone else who takes care of cooking, cleaning, raising kids allows them to be “who they are”. If you don’t want a relationship AND the sacrifices that come with it, be willing to state it.
If people were as honest in their dating app profiles, like DG is with his boundaries, needs & offerings, geeeeeez that would fix a lot of unnecessary problems & time wasting 😅
Let’s go!
Straight
Self acceptance and self mastery.
“That person may not be for you and that’s all good “
So you are either present and make sacrifices in your carreer OR be succesful and throw that ''family stuff'' away.
Throwing family stuff away temporarily to get it for the rest of your life.
Goggins is teaching real intimacy. No honesty, no authenticity, no vulnerability….no intimacy. Who wants to waste time and energy nurturing a shallow relationship devoid of true intimacy? We need more strong honest humans like this. Being strong emotionally is a lot harder than being strong physically. Thank you for the morning inspiration.
The most simplest way somebody can support someone like you when they hear you struggling going through a hard time instead of saying , take a day off honey, simply say …. Drum roll please…I love you, i want what is best for you, how can I support you. That’s it. That simple.
Damn. I see you goggins
sor please give audio track
If you get in a relationshp with someone and they haven't learned how to get what they want in a relationship, they're going to drag you down. It's not malicious though. But it still happens
Forgiven