I was worried I was sexist because I don't like romance books
2024 ж. 14 Мам.
7 490 Рет қаралды
Happy Valentine's Day 💕
📕 Love Theoretically
📕 Checkmate
📕 The Bodyguard
📕 The Charm Offensive
📕Fourth Wing
📕 Book Lovers
🎶 • video game jazz mix | ...
Happy Valentine's Day 💕
📕 Love Theoretically
📕 Checkmate
📕 The Bodyguard
📕 The Charm Offensive
📕Fourth Wing
📕 Book Lovers
🎶 • video game jazz mix | ...
Vindication!! I’ve spent so many hours trying to figure out what’s wrong with me because I can’t stand these male protagonists in these romance novels, and I’ve been so worried that I’m actually a raging misogynist because I … don’t like when mean, sh*tty, or violent, or emotionally immature men get the girl?
I think I might also be picky. I haven't tried your experiment, but I think that I just don't like the enemies to lovers trope most of the time. I would like a male love interest who is a good person. I also think I like romance more as a subplot than a main plot.
I love how you think. A relationship therapist said enemies to lovers almost never happens in real life. If people don't like each other when they meet, then getting to know each other results in venom, not romance.
you like what you like, I hate romance novels and I'm a girl, if someone says it means you're sexist then they spend too much time on tiktok
facts
Honestly I think the problem isn’t Readers as much as the publishing industry in itself. I feel like a lot of woman would love romance books if there was a bigger variety. Tbh when You go to the library, you’ll mostly find this: 1. White characters 2. Hetero romances 3. A book that builds it’s plot around tropes like « Small town » « sunshine and grumpy », etc. If there was a bigger range of books (and Im mostly focusing on romance but this also applies to other genres like fantasy) that readers could choose from then there would probably be a lot less romance haters.
1.) Deer mice. 2.) Oops, mine is cishet lol. Although, many of the side characters are trans. 3.) Horrible, just, absolutely MISERABLE world. Think being poor in the US.
Absolutely, nowadays tons of books, especially romance-fantasy-cheap thrillers are all novice fanfiction quality of writing. It’s better to be selective with what you consume rather than dive into just whatever, especially if you know what you like :) i understand that some people just want to rewind so don’t mind not so outstanding technically stories but haven’t heard of fanfic sites
People like to shit on women and women's interest. This is the fate that romance books suffered. Romance is considered cheesy and a lesser form of literature: Women's literature. That said, I do feel like we have over-corrected. There is a defensiveness and suspicion in discussions online that is really ugly.
The problem is assuming that people hate things because it's "women's interest." Usually that's just an excuse people use to defend something shoddy or weak. For example, someone once told me that men don't like astrology because it's "associated with women" -- or maybe they just don't like it because it's fake that stars control people's personalities. Assuming sexism where none exists makes men take women less seriously.
briefly, i also thought i was sexist being a woman that doesn't like romance, but i realized that i just don't like romance outside out of fanfiction. i am a firm believer that any fanfiction writer does romance better than any "traditional" author does. also the romance books that are published now seem very shallow and rife with very problematic behavior that i think are being normalized and *expected*.
I briefly wondered this about myself as well, but in the end, I know I don't like romance books because I am cynical and can't stand happy books in general. I think I'm just a woman scorned by love and need characters to suffer like I have lol. (And I prefer books that are challenging, realistic, or abstract over entertaining.) That said, I do like romantic Korean dramas and anime. Idk why they get a pass though haha
why can't romances be dark and realistic?
Honestly I don't think it matters if a woman just doesn't enjoy romance books (provided she doesn't act like it makes her superior). Men are never expected to justify not liking them.
I don’t like a lot of popular romance novels, I like a lot of mainstream books, but a lot of people promoted and liked the Hating Game. When I picked it up it felt like I was reading a really bad wattpad fanfiction. I think I dislike these books because they don’t feel like real people. The romances feel toxic, but I also am in a successful longterm relationship where I know what real love feels like. A lot of male love interests also are just unlikable from the start. Ugh. So far I read an Emily Henry book recently and I actually found myself enjoying it. It probably helped that I listened to an audiobook so I got the proper tone that I’m supposed to hear.
your attitude is very refreshing. i like that you didn't immediately look down on the kinds of readers that _would_ like the sort of love interest that is more stereotypically romance hero material, which is something i often see other people do without questioning who they are hurting when they speak like that. imo there is a degree of internalized misogyny behind the belief that women shouldn't want to fantasize about an assertive, dominating man and that doing so is automatically antifemenist simply because it aligns with patriarchal gender norms. idk, i could talk about the complexities of feminism and the romance genre for days, but i just don't think it's as clear cut as some people make it seem. mind you, this is coming from someone whose taste aligns with yours. for the most part i do prefer sweeter, gentler love interests and overly gendered romance novels aren't to my taste, so I'm not coming from a place of defensiveness. btw the term for the archetype of the first type of guy you mentioned is alpha male, and the type you said you liked is what we call a beta male, so if you ever want to look for recs, you should ask for books with beta male love interests. (it should be noted that the use of beta male in romance novel circles is not used derogatorily and to my knowledge the terminology has no relation to the terms as they are used in incel or incel adjacent circles, although the coincidence is unfortunate.)
that internalized misogyny thing is a complete non-issue when the rest of the world perpetuates that trope in a sexist manner though? Having a response to very common sexist trope is not misogynistic just because it deals with gender dynamics
Congrats on not hating women 🫶
wheres my freaking medal for real
Your presentation is so comedic I watched the whole 7 minutes while grinning and chuckling and laughing
As far as the misogynistic take goes. I think it depends on why you dislike romance novels. It is very common for things that are popular with girls and women to be hated on: astrology, makeup, romance novels, boy bands, etc. (this is a generic list but you get the gist) so when someone says they don’t like romance novels they could just have experience reading them and just not enjoying them, or they don’t have much experience in them and don’t like them because the girl hate bandwagon tells them they should dislike them. This can apply to women as well though (think of a “I’m not like other girls, I DONT like romance novels”). Internalized misogyny is sadly a big thing especially in teen girls and young women who have yet to mature. I was once that in middle school 😅 i wouldn’t even read a book back then if the makncharacter was a girl, so you can imagine how I felt about romance novels. Thankfully I grew up.
this is a very thoughtful take that i agree with
No! Men don't hate astrology because they're sexist, they hate it because it's stupid! Honestly.
feeling incredibly seen as someone who preferred jack black in the holiday since it was in theaters and who also struggles with the romance genre (I have had way better luck with rofan manhwa)
You never know, one might be aromantic.
Personally I'm AroAce so I'm generally turned off of anything with a romantic theme, and am especially miffed when I pick up an otherwise intriguing fantasy book just for it to end up a will-they won't-they romance halfway through. These protagonists really be struggling to choose between the livelihoods of entire kingdoms and being with their high school crush... I feel like giving a teen character adult responsibility should necessitate that they can make adult choices and not fail to accomplish a task due to bad communication (a pet peeve of mine). Anyways, great video!
Also side note. I love your style and that floral top!
will also say that several modern romance novels are just reylo with the serial numbers filed off?? which I mean if you like that go for it but I can't take it seriously
Preferences are preferences. Do you hate/think people lesser because of their gender? No? You're not sexist
SO glad to know I'm not alone.. I've spent time wondering if I'm a conditioned mysogynist for disliking this entire genre.. Also you had me at the holiday and berserk manga! 😅
I can see how Fourth Wing TRIES to be like a shonen anime. The problem is that it fails on that front. Miserably. The fundamental difference between Fourth Wing and something like One Piece from which all other criticisms flow is that one can enjoy the latter without thinking about it while one can enjoy the former ONLY without thinking about it.
I'm really interested in reading the 'Charm Offensive!'
I’ve always felt bad about not particularly enjoying romance books because of that “not like other girls” trope. I don’t want to hate on what other women love, I would just rather read other books. I’m also on the asexual spectrum so that might contribute.
really great video, amusingly enough i was tossing around talking about something similar on my channel. i really do like romance in things, but i've noticed that i find when the central plolt line in thing i read or watch IS the romance, i find it way less frequent that i enjoy it because it doesn't seem as naturalistic. when it's supplemental to a different plotline, i find it feeling more naturally integrated, if that makes sense. other commenters have also rightly pointed out many people just shit on things women like. i see the "dime novel" romance books as no different than the frequent male power fantasy action slop we get, but of course only one of those regularly takes heat. both are just kind of wish fantasy fulfillment when it comes down to it, which aren't for me, but i see the appeal. i just wish it was easier to find romance that feels more realistic. butut if im being real the bulk of people who engage with romance don't want that, they want easy wild brain-off thrills, exactly the same as the men who engage with their empty power fantasy slop, and that why a lot of that is what bubbles to the top and it's way harder to find stuff with nuance. i read a lot of sci-fi and MAN did it take a while to find find the good shit and not the technocolonialist white power fantasies that people so often recommend.
Very clickable title (compliment), also I think I can hear Pokémon Sun and Moon music as in background? Nice, even if it's from a mix checking the description Also just want to add I don't like romance since I'm just aromantic (and asexual) lol Romance doesn't do much for me, it only works for me if it's not like the main plot and there's just a side dish of romance
#1 - no, you're not a freak for wanting a sweet love interest guy. Because SAME. I just want 2 people who are kind and who get along to end up together
You're my new fave booktuber! (if you ever consider yourself as one) Been binge-watching your videos after I saw this on my feed
this is so kind, thank you ♡
Omg yesss the male leads are horrible! I like a romance if the heroine is not a doormat (rare) and if the hero is a decent person (very rare) and if there's an interesting plot outside of the romance and the main characters' (usually boring) personal drama. The pickings are slim.
i myself don't like romance at all because of the male lead people who calls us misogynistic i wanna ask them what about them when they read a book where girls suffer from toxic relationship and u romanticize it, i m not misogynistic because i m writing story of a mafia woman but in my way and nope it's not romance it's about how she suffers in her past because of family issues and how she put herself in this type of situation
maybe the love interest thing is why i cannot stand straight romance books. besides that, i wouldn't mind reading them every once in a while
Romance is my favourite genre and I'm used to seeing people who don't enjoy the genre (or at least the more popular books from the genre) be condescending or almost have an attitude of superiority about it, so your video was a breath of fresh air! I appreciate that you gave these books a chance and had positive things to say about them, and your explanation for disliking aspects of the genre didn't rely on trashing the books but just explained your own personal preferences
I tend to not like romance at all, in books, songs and in movies, but every so often I come across a romance (usually in another genre), that I absolutely love, and I still haven't figured out the details of what makes a romance tick for me or not. I know for me it has nothing to do with sexism, and just because I find most of those stories dull and uninspiring, and the characters uninterested or even heavily dislike them. (also I have no hate at all to people who do love these kinds of stories, I know a lot of books I like some people will find boring and uninteresting as well). A romance book on my to read list that I might want to read this summer is Pride and Prejudice, it's one I think I might like based on what I've seen and heard about it.
I feel seen. I don't like romances, I tried soooo hard. I never voice my opinion regarding that because I'm afraid I'll be labeled as a pick me. I don't hate on anyone for liking romances, they just aren't for me, I'll probably keep trying until I find one I enjoy.
I like romance but I don’t blame you for saying you don’t. A lot of them are heavily saturated and promoted with tropes that the plot isn’t mentioned 🤷🏾♀️. I just finished a dark romance recently and I think I’m gonna lay off the romance for a while 😅
For the record, I don't think that it'd be sexist even if you really didn't like any romance novels at all. You aren't obligated to like something just because a lot of other women like it, we all have different tastes and interests, and that's okay! What would be sexist is thinking less of woman who do like romance books, but that's not what you're doing. Also, I myself don't really like romance novels or any fiction primarily centered around romantic relationships (with a handful of exceptions) because I am aromantic, and I find that engaging with stuff where the entire plot hinges around feelings that are talked up like they're the best thing ever and one of the defining features of humanity, but that I personally have never experienced anything close to, really frustrating.
I'm also not a fan of romance. Partly because I only knew it from Harlequin. Sadly, I have to read some now because I finished my first novel for NaNoWriMo, and what was intended as a single stand-alone book has become a trilogy. The second novel is going to be a romance, both classic and modern style. So it's gong to be" Ivanhoe is Sleepless in Seattle." Adventure, betrayal and a battle for glory and honor mixed with a fight for true love. But her intended is a good and decent guy, so he'll never co-star in a bodice ripper. I do have Emily Henry's "Beach Read". It came highly recommended, but so far I dislike both parties and hope they end up together because it would serve them right. "The Lines We Cross" by Randa Abdel-Fattah was much better. The characters are complex and avoid stereotypes quite well. My favorite was "100 Days of Sunlight" by Abbie Emmons. A YA romance with decent and worthwhile leads if you ignore their tempers and rough edges. Nobody is perfect.
My issue is, when a story is advertised as romantic, but there's an asshole boyfriend who mistreats the girlfriend. Readers are told this is love, readers are told this is #relationshipgoals but it's dangerous to promote abuse and violence against (usually) women as love. Surely that doesn't make me a misogynist.
thank you for the video
I think it's fine to say that a genre isn't for you as long as you're not being a dick to people who are into romance. I'm weird with romance. There has to be a gimmick or an interesting setting. I love the Dangerous Damsels books because they are funny but also have magic.
real! i have zero interest in most romance novels (im primarily an epic fantasy girlie). at first i thought it was because im a lesbian, so of course i'm not interested in a book where the entire plot is two straight people getting together. but then i've become incredibly invested in straight couples in fantasy series + have been very underwhelmed by most sapphic romance books i've read. after my own trial and error, i think contemporary romance just isn't for me... and most romantasy is horrifically written and stars men who are mediocre at their best. i've since found one (1) romance that i liked (as in, didn't just think was okay but genuinely enjoyed) and while it's still a light contemporary romance it involved a small supernatural element, so i think that maybe kept me from getting bored.
I don't think you are a hater or sexist. I mean I feel a lot of the current romance books follow similar trends and tropes that aren't going to be everyone's of tea, filled with smu+ (trying to find ways around KZhead's censorship) or is very poorly written or maybe romance novels or novels that heavily focuses on the romance is not everyone's thing (some prefer it as more as part of the sub plot or want fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, horror, no fiction, etc...). Not everyone is into dark romance or toxic relationships and characters. If there was a wider variety, I think more people would find ones that they would enjoy. Personally I am enjoying the more sweet rom-com type books or at least seeing characters grow and change for the better. I like to laugh and see more realistic and healthy relations or characters traveling the world, meeting new people while portraying other cultures accurately (researching, talking to people that is part of the culture). I am sucker for those type of romances as they fun and feel like you are exploring new things; but they are rare, especially books that aren't YA or feel like they are written as such even if they are supposed to be adult or new adut. It's okay to be picky and that not everyone is going to like every book out there, most of the those reasons are valid and not just hating to hate. I used to hate romance books and thought maybe something wrong with me; but found out it's more about hating how a lot of romance is portrayed or really cringy (I heard people read certain scenes from The Love Hypothesis and The Spanish Love Deception and laughed. Even though it wasn't their intent, I found those scenes far from sexy or romantic the way those scenes are written) and took awhile to find what I actually like. Don't even get me started on Colleen Hoover or that Haunting Adeline book.
I'm not sure if there is a person on earth who doesn't like love stories, romantic or platonic. "Romance" is just the marketing label, and if the pickings in it are not for you, then it's no use forcing yourself to enjoy something you just don't. As for me, I've found my current niche in mlm romances (BL, danmei, western gay lit etc.). I'm sure someone in the world will judge me for this but whatever.
i think im also picky, ive only found one four star romance. the unhoneymooners had the banter i want, however, it did commit the dreaded "everyone stood up and clapped" scene... i almost think these authors do it ironically as a joke lmao
I am always suspicious of people who don’t like a whole genre. I suspect they haven’t read much and are biased. I am also super picky in every genre. Some stuff is just not that good. 🤷🏻♂️
Why woman can't have likes and dislike ? As a grown woman up now , I say it with my mouth full . I hate romance *stuff* in general . Point black . PERIOD . Males don't have to go justifying their likes and dislikes so why must we ?
i appreciate ur pov asf but no way u compared fourth wing to berserk???
It sounds everything the same to me, the characters, the plot. I get bored lol they are all so childish and immature 😢 and unrealistic asf
Im just not a reader
Imma be real, im not sure how you came to the conclusion that you might be sexist but thats kinda sad. You're valid in why you like or dislike something, but the reason why you like or dislike it is the nuance people need when it comes to media. I dont like "new age" romance novels but I know I'm not a misogynist, I just hate. The male leads suck, the female leads live for sex and nothing more, and occasionally we'll just include something really weird and then we just gloss past that. Hell I used to think I just didn't like anime because I didn't like dragon ball when almost everyone I knew did. As I went on and followed the series I actually went on to hate it for very similar reasons ironically. Every main character sucks, the villains are bland and uninspired, and despite how often these people screw up there is no accountability taken. I think it's just a shame factor, at least in my case. I was always called lame for not liking dragon ball, but I read manga for the characters and how the world changes as they grow, dragon ball doesn't have that and people who are especially invested wont get why you might not like it, kinda like how romance now focuses so much on the romance that the characters become cardboard
Another I don't like about romance books: too much smut, overly descriptive smut, smut with poor word choice
You're just based
I know what you mean! Quite often, books in the genre of romance novels seem boring and predictable to me for one reason - the whole life of the heroine revolves around a man. It's unrealistic, it's boring, it doesn't happen. And besides, these same men are absolutely not worth making them the center of your life, even in a book. Often the men in these romance novels are criminals and simply bad people, I want to protect the female protagonist, I don’t want her to cease to exist as a person and dissolve into a man.
I’m a girl who loves romance. And I love reading. But I despise *romance novels* 😂 To those who love them, that’s awesome. But I can’t. As a sub-genre, I still enjoy it. But so far, I haven’t found one I liked where it was the main thing. I hate that the writing tends to be poor enough that I notice it, that the characters aren’t fleshed out as individuals, that there’s never time given for the main relationship to develop, that the books make the equivalent of love lust. For romance, I’ve always turned to Korean dramas. These I adore. Popular recommendations: - Descendants of the Sun - Goblin - Healer - Strong Woman - Weightlifting Fairy - Pinocchio - It’s Okay To Not Be Okay