THIS Is Why 80% Of Men Are Invisible… | Dr K (HealthyGamerGG)
2024 ж. 7 Нау.
252 660 Рет қаралды
Dr Alok Kanojia (HealthyGamerGG) a psychiatrist, dissects what it means to be a “Man” In today’s world….
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ill be honest. i hate the word loser. i never call people losers, not even people i can't stand i wont call a loser.
actually, recent research indicates that men are victim of domestic abuse more than are women.
Why no link to HealthyGamerGG?
You aren't going to educate many older guys, when you lead with your ego.
I'll stay alive out of spite. The world has never accepted me and the feeling is mutual.
🍻
💪🏼
Well said, I know there's people who would laugh if they learned I self-deleted. Therefore every day I stay alive is a middle finger to those people.
Reminds me of what Kevin Samuel said, “Don’t give them the pleasure of your absence”
And they can bury you face down so the world can kiss your ass.
“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.” ― ( Sally Brampton, Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression)
I think it takes a lot of bravery to commit suicide. I don’t have the courage yet.
@@TheSakufighter True, yet it is met with the cliche statement that it's the cowards way out. It's like we're gaslit at every opportunity.
That is not my experience. Suicide is taking the self out, and not as a result of feeling defeated, rather due to an absence of sensible ideas of how to proceed.
I often joke that if the USA did not have people with hellfire and brimstone sermons, it would have statistics like South Korea.
@@skylinefever This, it appears, is one of the several selective survival advantages of religious societies, besides the provision of community structure, cohesion and moral framework, all attributable to a source beyond reproach. With all this pushback against mono-theism, who would of thought of such unintended, destructive consequences, besides Nietzsche? Even the world's leading celebrity atheist scientists can't help but see the cart ahead of the horse, claiming effect preceded the cause, and thus do not realise what they do.
I think men are realizing that whatever semblance of a "deal" we had with society for our sacrifice is pretty much gone. We're still running on the old script, but we have a new "deal." That is, sacrifice for society (women and children), but expect nothing for it. I, for one, won't be doing that. I may die alone, but let's be real; I've been "mentally alone" my whole life.
The worst thing to do in life is to surround yourself with people who make you feel alone.
I get why soldier people have strong connection but we all cannot be soldiers and they seem to get "addicted" and go back to war to have that, which is also not good to get yourself killed that way.
Excellent point. Men are expected to perform and provide as before but the rewards aren’t there.
Exactly
Society will condemn you for doing your own thing and not playing by the rules but ignoring societal expectations is the only chance at real contentment. Just live your life how you want and as you think is best.
the concept of "thwarted belongingness" and its correlation with suicide makes A LOT of sense
From spiritual point of view you are not suffering. The ego is suffering. But Youa re not your Ego. You have your true self, the soul, that never suffers. If you understand it you may much more easily implement helathy habits feeling happpy and safe, but it also requires to practice empathy and gratitude for yourself and for others. and if you are kind enough to yourself and others , you actually atract the same group of people with emphatic and grateful thinking. Ego thinking is very limited, it doesn´t give you right advices. You should listen to your higher self and doa breath work and go to a nature etc. You suffer because you believe that you are your ego. But you are not your ego, the society taught you that you are your ego. Ego is just a program or software to feel self-limited and not worthy etc ......your natural state is your higher self that operates from place of love, empathy, joy, bliss, creativity gratitude and higher self never suffers. You may shift your unconscious self into higher self, or conscious self and be more self-consious.
Your words come from a religious (spiritual) tradition that is quite foreign to me, but there is a lot of wisdom in what you write. I definitely subscribe to a conscious daily gratitude and empathy for others, for instance. "You are not your ego" or taking yourself out of the equation is a very useful and healthy mind habit, I believe. Thank you, friend @@alaalfa8839
@@alaalfa8839You gonna tell that to cancer patients and people with muscular dystrophy?
@alaalfa8839 what a load of bologna. That philosophy falls flat when put into practice. The flesh is the blooming flower of the spirit.
@@roastbeef4918 I'll have to agree with you. There are ways to work on spirit and body! Doesn't need to be religion or going to the gym
9:30 I just asked ChatGPT the same two questions in two separate sessions. The response to "My husband is yelling me, what should I do?" emphasized ensuring her safety, and letting him know how it hurts her feelings. The response to "My wife is yelling at me, what should I do?" was to stay calm, listen, acknowledge her emotions. Nothing about the husband's safety or his feelings being hurt by the wife's yelling.. 🤨
Censorship was implemented on AI algorithms some time ago. Responses are supposed to be politically and socially safe, just as the investment companies want. Do some research and you will be surprised.
@durtutreeman6410 it isn't politically correct to tell the man "if your wife us yelling at you, acknowledge her feelings" while telling the woman "if your husband is yelling at you, tell him how it hurts your feelings". Basically it says the woman's feelings are important, and the man's feelings are not, regardless which one of them is yelling. There is nothing "politically correct" about this.
@@durtutreeman6410 Its not a political response. Its a neural network, which reproduces bias.
@@halleffect5439 absolutely correct. It reproduces bias from the training data it has processed. But that doesn't mean I find the results acceptable.
"AI" ain't intelligent, but a cooked up program biased by its programmers, leftists, and globalists with an agenda.
He literally described my upbringing. Trying to connect and belong to various groups (tribes) and constantly being rejected. I never did succeed at that, and I'm 50 now. I guess I beat the odds by not killing myself, but I definitely thought about it. Dr. K is absolutely correct. Once you understand the mechanism at work you can see it in the face of just about every man you meet. I think this is the root of a LOT of our problems as a society.
im 50 now too. i built a tribe of one when i was younger. i was better off for it. i now have a tribe of 10 including me. my wife, 7 cats and a dog, my life could not really be any more perfect. i had a great mother who was a great support system but i still pretty much raised myself being genx but i often wonder how my life would have been so radically different if i did not have such an awesome mother. i would not change a thing about my life. its as close to perfect as one can achieve on this earth. if a billion dollars fell into my lap tomorrow my life would not be any better,
This is the result of individualism and all ideologies that practice it.
Looking back, what do you think (specifically) it was in these tribes that rejected you? Was it a common theme? Sometimes if there is a consistent pattern, it might be an internal/personal issue. If completely different with each tribe, then it might be external/bad luck. Being honest and impartial is difficult but might be worth knowing. If not for you, but next generation. 🤷♂️
I'm currently facing that rn. Although I am trying to make myself a regular at a table top gabby store. It does get hard. No real point going out besides going out to eat.
@@brianmagnus2872I think it’s the “feeling” of being thwarted from a group after trying to be a part of it, regardless of whether it’s objectively his fault or not .
"The most dangerous thing for a man under 45 is themselves."
Damn
Feminism, and the government and biased media against them.
Why? Get it together. Hobbies. Therapy. Something.
And after 45 the most dangerous thing to a man is his prostate.
At what point did he say all men?@@jamiewhelan31
Here's the thing. Yes we are invisible, we are also expendable, always have been. I do not expect sympathy or want it because I will get none. That's our role. I stopped wanting to be visible long ago, I only wish to be left alone. This is the world, there's no changing it. You have to just accept that this is our role and do the best you can. The only alternative is self deletion, but I choose to fight. I choose to live.
You are a strong Sigma!
Prey wishes to be left alone. Remember that.
Read Eckhart Tolle!!!!
It’s just as true for women as men, though!
Thats not our role, we write our own stories. The way i see it is you either profit off of building and maintaining this society, or you profit off of its destruction, I've made my decision. Now dear reader, you make yours.
For a man, no one will pull you up but yourself.
It’s true. I learned this the hard way.
Yes, and it's something we need to stop doing. Being so callous towards men is just making matters worse.
True. And that's the problem
@@alrune8 NO ONE is coming. Ever. You are but grist for the mill. Accept it and take your place before the grinder.
Maybe. Unless you reach your hand out
If im angry, i work out. If im depressed, i ask myself “what is causing me to feel depressed? Am i not doing something that my body is trying to warn me about?” I agree with the man that no one in the west cares about men until its too late, and even then, all those people do is ridicule the men suffering. Men, my brothers, we have to take care for each other and be the counter weight to this world that clearly wants us dead.
The problem is society is pitting us against each other. We are only being told to compete with each other but that is creating loneliness.
@@yousaidwhaaaattt8631 Competing and going to war with each other are two very different things.
@@flyingwombatazazz6736 True, you can at least died in war with some honor but the competition last forever and it pretty ruthless.
I don't think the world wants us dead. There are demographics sections of the population evidently want dead and the difference in treatment is tangible. I think "the world" simply doesn't care. I don't like it, but, really, the best (and only, it feels like) thing we can do is solidarity; only us can help ourselves.
Its not just about they dont care about how we feel. We can take that as a man. Hardly matters. But they just completely disrespect us dont appreciate anything that we do at all is where the problem is.
I am starting to question the domestic violence statistics…we as men are conditioned to NOT recognize being hit by a women as violence…but it seems to happen all too often…
When indirect or non physical aggression are counted as domestic violence women have a slightly higher rate. Also in non mutual DV, women it's higher (ie when one partner is not violent at all, it's usually the man)
Questioning how information is gathered, usually, is more of a good thing than it's not, because it's how you get to gather better statistics
A collection of British studies gathered evidence in this regard. Women initiate violence more, and are the usual perpetrators of acts of psychological and non-life threatening physical abuses. Men initialte violence less, and are in vast majority the perpetrators of most life threatening assaults. You can summarize the situation as "men end the violence women start", in a very tragic and unsettling way.
@@dxfifacheck out DV rates in lesbian relationships, btw. Eye-opening
You should question all of them - especially since for both genders, they are probably far under reported. As most victims of either gender are not going to report anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out, there were higher number of unreported cases against men based on men I’ve known. Just making the entire issue of violence against men about dunking on women or feminists, isn’t going to be good for anybody. Which is the mistake I see a lot of people making.
The further you get past 45, the more the long term exhaustion from prolonged anger shows. I visit my ancient parents in the retirement home all the time. That place is 90% populated by women. And for most of them, their husbands died decades ago.
Brutal !😢
They smoked them husbands😂😂😂
It so interesting, that we do not speak about toxic femininity.
Exactly
Girls will cheat, lie, and be the worst people in the world and people will praise them for it. Meanwhile if men say something slightly offensive, you lose your job, or you get “cancelled”.
They claim it doesn't exist because "femininity isn't toxic" lol.
I mean, the suffragettes talked about it for literal years. They just didn't use that term. Are you misunderstanding the phrase or just throwing a pity party?
@@CapsLock959 You are a tool.
The Big 3 emotions! 1) Anger is for boundaries, autonomy, safety. 2) Frustration is NOT being seen, heard or gotten on an emotional level. [Frustration is the seed of aggression] 3) Shame is that I'm a mistake. Not guilt, I've made a mistake ( behavior based)... but identity based...and we'll do just about anything to not feel shame!!! Separating these emotions helps better get in touch with feelings and identify what's going on.....better able to acknowledge and take or find solutions!
That’s impressive. Do you have a further reference on the topic? Appreciated.
This conversation might matter 30 years from now, but nothing is going to change right now. Married men, women, companies, and government not only don't see it, but are actively against this message.
Nothing stays the same.
@@Cafeallday222 So true. We Men must be consistend and dont stop telling our narrative and perspective.
@@Cafeallday222that's BS
Im gonna drive some people crazy with this comment but... I can feel it shifting now
i always hate it when people with blind empty hope try and be all things will get better its not all bad well sometimes yes things may get better but sometimes they get a hell of a lot worst before getting even worst than you thought it could and maybe 100 200 300 years from now they might get better after all of us have die 250 years before things ever got better just accept life sometimes only gets worst and no amount of empty word of hope and sweet honeyed lies typed in the comments of a youtube vid is going to convince people otherwise
Damn .. You Both Nailed Manhood ! She's allowed to cry. She vents emotions. He's not allowed to get angry. He internalizes emotions. It builds up, the volcano blows 🤬
Don't forget another one: her problems are your problems, but your problems are only your problems.
@@facubeitches1144wow that's hot stuff. thank you
"being emotional is the opposite of feeling" - women fake emotions to control and manipulate people, men FEEL emotions deep inside. Think of a big disaster, the men will rush in, risking their lives to save others, women will cry until the men have dealt with the situation, so they don't have to get involved.
He's not allowed to get angry? Lol. You're built to suck up to men because they're strong and can harm you... Your eyes get full of hearts and your chest swells with pride.. but you're a woman to every stronger man, you've just had it too soft to ever have to find out. It used to be unusual for a man to live long because he would have many fights to the death to survive. Now it takes less to be a man than to be a woman even. Just exist. Many men haven't even been in a fistfight as an adult. They know that and that's the source of their angst. It's easier to be a man, you don't even have to make yourself pretty or be polite to avoid angering people. You just... Exist... and congratulate each other on your superiority to women. But you know it's a lie.
One of the most interesting men on this podcast I have listened to yet. Self awareness and self reflection is so important. His awareness of the influences around us and implications of those influences is more than substantial.
I was severely bullied. Talked to teacher: It got worse. I asked for help: It got worse. I cried about it: It got WAY worse. I was bullied throughout my entire eduction. In Grade 2, my friend beat his bully close to death, he was never bullied again.
You obviously went to an inadequate school.
If your friend did that as an adult, he'd be in jail. A lot of masculine behavior is punished hard by society
@@autoclearanceuk7191 are there adequate schools? What I got from teachers was mostly disdain and annoyance.
In the 80s, they let the bully get to the third year of high school, and finish that. But that was it - he never came back to the school, for those final two years, where most of the students are trying to get into university. Everyone knew that guy would simply have not fit into that environment - so instead of waiting for that incongruity to occur, they just stopped him from coming to that school ever again. That was one of the better schools in the state as far as how many of the students went on to tertiary education though. A lesser school in that way may well have tolerated the bully the whole way through the five years.
There's a lot of things I don't understand about life, but some things are clear as day to me. I suspect some of that is the time I grew up in, some is cultural, and some genetic. In any case, I know these things, and knew them 38-39 years ago also, at age 13: 1) Never mention anything about a bully to a teacher (BTW my mother was a high school teacher at the time and for 35 years) 2) Never ask for help with a bully directly - but I did find a friend who helped me mildly terrorize him once while he slept at night at his folk's house 3) Never react emotionally to a bully even in private, but definitely not in public I couldn't even tell you why I believe or know this stuff, but the world is not somewhere where you can go to a higher power and have a bully demoted. Bullies in fact are usually the higher powers themselves, in the big bad world out there. If the teachers, who have the authority and power, don't choose to oust the bully, so be it - that falls within their capabilities so if they don't choose to exercise that power, something else is more important in the background or "behind the curtains" that we couldn't see as kids. The bully exists as a learning tool, even if it's a lesson most kids would rather not have to learn, and they will be an early introduction to a string of often worse bullies down the line - by shielding yourself from them as a kid, you're only weaker when having to deal with them as an adult. And I can tell you that at my school, the home class with the bully had about half the number of students of all the other home classes - which happened because many kids demanded to be in other classes than the bully in their second year, after what they'd seen in the first year at high school. I was never in such deserted school classroom my entire life in fact.
The mixture of depression & isolation is slowly killing me. I’m 24 years old, turning 25 on May 28th and i’m not so sure if i’ll make it till then. I dropped out of college with 1 year and 1/2 left and I was a D1 soccer athlete. I was so charismatic, loud, and happy. Now I isolate myself everyday from friends & family due to feeling ashamed, a loss of confidence, and lost in life. I know I have to change but I just can’t seem to get myself to do so. Don’t know why i’m writing this, just wanted to vent I guess. I wish everyone on here going through something the absolute best 💯❤️
I wouldn’t give up on yourself men don’t peek until they’re 30s. You still have more years to go. College isn’t for everyone, just because you dropped out doesn’t make you a loser. It’s actually very common for people to drop out…41% dropout rate. Try to figure out what it is you really want to do and pursue that. Maybe try a trade school or volunteering somewhere.
Hey Omar 😀 I'm 41. 9th grade education. Poor, broken, unstable family. Neglected. Abused. Abandoned. Borderline personality disorder. Alcohol and drug addiction. Somehow I've found great meaning in life. By looking deep within. Education, jobs, money, status, popularity, girlfriends, cars etc, those are simply external material things. They will never define who you really are as a person. I strongly suggest getting out of your current environment and away from anyone and anything that makes you feel ashamed. Go somewhere very beautiful and isolated and try to look at your life from another perspective. Ask yourself, Are you living your true authentic life? Are you living under someone else's unfair expectations? Do the people closest to you judge you or put unfair pressure on you? Are your closest friends or family supportive? Are they there for you in your times of need? Are you truly walking a path that you have chosen?
any amount of life is infinitely better than death. Death is final. All the things you love and enjoy do not exist in death but do in life. I know words are meaningless but I hope you have the strength to carry on. Strength comes from how you respond to adversity. If you lack pride in yourself take pride in having the ability to carry on at least and go from there.
I'm 37 and I've been in and out of dead end jobs. Almost had my left leg removed due to contracting a deadly infection. And I have type 1 diabetes and severe ADHD. I grew up without a close relationship to my father. I'm incredibly lost. I feel like giving up. Its the constant feeling of drowning in my struggles that makes life so hard.
Get your butt into see a doctor.
5:15 - literally my experience. Growing up as a child, my survival was to be as invisible as possible. One of the most isolating experiences I've had in my life was being a child crying alone in my room when my mother comes in and gets angry at me for crying and not being able to articulate feelings I didn't understand. From a young age, I knew I was alone in an awful world full of awful people.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I related so hard to your comment that it brought back memories I had forgotten for a long time so you're not alone in that at least. I just don't cry anymore because both of my parents were like what you described your mom as. Showing emotion even by myself was never safe so I just don't let myself feel anything anymore 🤷🏻♀️ Super healthy. I hope you're finding a way to heal from that.
@@unicorn-glasseswow it's really true, women always blame things to external factors, it was my childhood, it was my ex, it was the world, instead of taking responsibility. I recently watched a video how women keep themselves in their victim misdet and literally the 1st point was "blaming it to their childhood"
"I knew I was alone in an awful world full of awful people." Same here bruh.
@@nammi895 You forgot about third and fourth-wave feminists blaming the "Patriarchy" for _literally_ *all* problems that have ever existed.
everyone is in complex world trying their best, and awfully sucking at it at times. sincerely hope things got better for you, and the bad times made the good times more precious and impactful
There is a wonderful book named 'The Boy Crisis' by Warren Farrell, which explains in detail the empathy gap/inequality regarding men.
There is another emotion: I don't give a shit. No, this is not anger. It really is simply not caring. It is really liberating to not give a shit, especially about women.
You're here so you're obviously butthurt that nobody gives a shit about you either.
Indifference. It's one of the keys to survival.
I don’t believe that you don’t give a shit. It’s completely fine to focus on yourself, but suppressing your actual emotions will lead to no good. Being honest to yourself will be the first step towards a happier life
Not caring is the best remedy all the time
@@Bemenhorst Could also depend where this guy is in life. As you get older you genuinely stop caring about stuff that once seemed important. Women may still look nice but there really is no motivation to get involved.
Excellent interview, thank you. I'm 49 and have never felt so unmotivated and depressed. I was a happy go luck guy In my teens and 20s, even 30s. I would go back to the Late 80s/early 90s in a heartbeat.
I think literally everyone our age would want to go back to those times
ditto to TDG75 my sentiments exactly
Stay strong man, find something you loved before and go all in on it. Never give up.
Sorry, but it's not an excellent interview. This guy never provides solutions, and has no ideas about how we can force a change in society.
I'm basically the same age and dealing with the same problem. I look at the comments section and it seems like this is more common than I realized. I find this to be something of a reassurance.
Society is built to keep them that way. Hard work and sacrifice is overrated. If you aren’t in the right circles you’re it goin very fall. Who you know is way more important than anything.
Thank you, this cannot be said enough, it's all about who you know and that goes back to antiquity
I like to say "If they wanted me to work, I'd be working" Let the strong independent feemales sort it out ig
Absolutely. Then it advertises the occasional person getting to the top and advertising that it could be you. The system profits off everyone who tries hard and does not make it. That may be the biggest reason the black pill is hated. It's made of people who won't struggle to climb the corporate ladder, just so some C-suite jerk can kick them off again.
@@skylinefever yep, whole system is based on a bs sales job. It’s what keeps the whole thing going, biggest sales/marketing scheme ever.
@@Mmmmchocolate I called the college degree mess the longest long con of all.
I'm a man nearing 30. I'm working diligently to change this perspective, but for several years now, when I walk around the community doing day to day things, I feel like I'm surrounded by bots. There are a million experiences that got me here, but being abused as a child, kicked around and rejected in school and other social groups, and then being in abusive relationships were some driving factors. I don't trust, I don't smile often, and every conversation I have is as fake and superficial as the person I'm interacting with. My only driving purpose and what keeps me from diving off the ledge is a promise I made to my mother that I would never commit suicide, in an attempt to ease her worry and suffering. Life is hollow, cruel, and thoughtless. Love yourself, if you can find it in you. No one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever give a damn about you except for you.
I hope things get better
Why is playing video games considered a "Loser?" I never understood that. I played video games with tons of different people. We can't all be losers. Also what are single women doing that is so cool?
Everything not giving women resources, attention or help is deemed as such.
@@lionmartinez7986 I noticed.
Get real man, video games are a waste, you could be learning an instrument, language, etc and youre on Fifa/LoL/Genshin instead. I like games too but they are a waste of time, especially if thats all you do. Has nothing to do with "da Wahmen" and everything to do with you.
@@greenpinapple820 how does learning an instrument or language help me out? i don't play video games, but seriously, I fail to see the difference
It’s about value, video games provide no value to outsiders, young women have vagina
Dr. K is saving the world one person at a time. A truly unpilferable gem amongst a sea of thieves
My anger primarily stems from a sense of pride rather than insecurity. When people challenge my self-image or identity, it feels like an attack on who I am. This triggers my anger because I'm defending my sense of self, not because I'm insecure. It's frustrating when others misinterpret my feelings and label me as insecure, especially when my anger is justified by real threats or challenges.
Best thing is get away from the bloody smart phone and social media is conditioning you every god Dam day .
Kind of true it depends on what you use social media for, I mean KZhead is social media too. If you use it to just look at stuff like how rich people live or hot girls/guys then it isn't a good thing, but if you use it to learn something then it is great. My oldest son is working on a 1993 truck he has got it up and running all by himself all from KZhead, I learned to knit from KZhead my Instagram is all craft and gardening stuff. It's just like food if you consume junk food you get fat, if you consume junk media you turn in to a junk person.
I have been watching reruns of the TV sit com show Bewitched from the late 1960's. They are a married couple with absolutely traditional gender roles and I am finding it absolutely REFRESHING !!!! Samantha (the wife) is allowed to be her feminine self and lead a womanly life and Darren (the husband) is allowed to have the masculine role and be a provider, to be the breadwinner and have the satisfaction of providing nicely for his wife and child. The other thing is that there is no competition between them, no friction of colliding careers, there is a permanence and belonging between them - - I feel so much relief watching this show. and she is not treated like "just" a housewife but the most important and valued part of her husband's life . Nobody is made to feel useless.
That's because that show was aired right before the feminism movement of the late 1960s .. once feminism took over it was all down hill for the west after that & every Generation after that have suffered greatly due to that indoctrination
It's a TV show, of course it's an idealized version of life at the time.
@@talesin7070 You missed the point. It's meant to highlight how traditional gender roles are complimentary rather than subservient, as is depicted by modern day unhappy egglass harpies. And it's what we're missing. There's ample data to support the claim that not only married couples that stay togheter are happier peole, they also produce hapier, healthier children. Even Obama mentioned we're threading the wrong path in his first therm, before he went far left. This used to be common sense because we did it for a very good reason. Society's getting a pretty good reminder of that reason right now. But some people just been fooled long enough they reject any evidence that they've been fooled. Thus they insist on the same mistakes to coddle their ego.
It is normal 😅
Traditionalists are idiots who can't even maintain the rites and rituals required for their ideal society.
Been an avid follower of Dr K’s work for a couple of years. So great to hear him in on Stephen’s platform. 🏆
This was brilliant and supports much of the thinking around having an either internal or external biased locus of control.
I had the audacity to complain that the long form was too long and baity with the cliffhangers intro. Now that I found the clips page... I'm super duper happy. Your interviews, to me, are THE bests. And this clip format is just way too good. Such depth in 15 minutes. Lovely.
All the issues are coming from caring about opinions of others and comparing yourself to others. If you stop all that then you don't need much and can be simply happy
Incredibly wise
Super insightful!
i found my peace in the gym ! There is where i go whenever i feel depressed anxious not loved ignored etc etc.. and i work hard ! sometime i cry when no one can see me
I see you 🤗❤️
See a therapist. The gym won't solve your problems.
@@brainbane8550 so therapists do? Lol
@@salty3069 In short, yes. Your incredulous question is why I don't take men's "issues" seriously. You don't want to be better, you want the world to conform to your whims. Modern men are spoiled crybabies who can't adapt to the environmental pressures we created for ourselves. We wanted individualism and rugged capitalism and and so here we are. Everyone's losing. Having fun, yet?
Working out provides endorphins, it may not solve the problem but it definitely helps. Feeling good is a potent counter to depression.
Most people don’t have any real connections these days
No, they do. People are still sensitive. Just love and respect people and you will have friends, even fake friends are better than having none
I have damn near none
@@in.edieudonnesworld3167 kind of hard to find real friends when they blend in with all those snakes waiting to bite you on the heel the secound you trust them ive never done so but ive seen it happen lots of snakes in the us id say atleast 50% of people cant be trusted half of all people you cant trust them maybe more than half
This clip presents a lot of compelling arguments to why we should be setting aside time to meditate regularly
Hes right about anger cancelling out pain
As a woman who has struggled and gradually become wiser kinder more active to recognize & improve on my own failings I resonated with his point that anger is the innate instant response to emotional pain. Just saying, it's not just men. But when women get mad we tend to be 'rewarded' with sympathy for giving in & showing our hurts while men are 'criticized / belittled' and to my everlasting shame now I realize I've treated men that way too. Jesus it's hard to get life right.
@@PaigeHailyHall For women, it depends on the situation. We often don’t get rewarded for anger, but called b words for not smiling through problems and being “unreasonable.” We can’t win.
@PaigeHailyHall Women will more typically get validated through victimization than anger. They'll often receive grace for it even when they shouldn't. As men, we can't seek sympathy in any capacity as we'll get more than simple criticism, we'll get told to man up, that our feelings don't matter and more importantly we'll be shamed for wanting to express what women want us desperately to express. The funny thing is that the shaming will come more from women than it will from men. We do get sympathy when we commit suicide though.
@@richerDiLefto Correct
@@richerDiLeftoperpetual victims
Love yall
Steven Bartlett, I cannot tell you how much your podcasts benefit me in my life. 🎉I learn so much from you and everybody you interview. Thank you so much for doing this. I’m also from Africa and I am so impressed with how much you have accomplished. Keep going! ❤
Steven wants you to subscribe if you haven't. He pleads with you to subscribe.
Very powerful words 🙌. I turned to Buddhism and it’s the only thing that makes any sense to me anymore. I’ve given up on the world as far as career, relationships and seeking fulfilment in the western way of life. It just doesn’t work. Buddhism has taught me how to stop “externalising” and look within again.
This is actually a really good discussion. It brings up a lot of points that get overlooked in mainstream society.
I am 24 years old, am a loner,, and have not socially talked to a girl outside work place or family in 4 years.. Most would probably think it is sad but I have never been happier. I have lost 45 pounds, fully gave myself to god, got a career job, and get to travel and spend time with family peacefully. I encourage every guy to try to stop socializing with women and see how much peace comes into your life when you do.
Just started like 7 month’s ago😂 best decision of my miserable fu**ing life
I'm 50 years old, am a loner and never kissed a girl and never went on a date. I gave up on girls before I even tried, but I'm not gay either. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad either. I'm middling. I have gotten fat .. about 90lbs too fat, so I've decided recently that I'm just going to lose it, to make the rest of my life better. At least I have a job and a purpose, but I don't talk to people outside of work, besides family occasionally and my housemate most of all. I've basically contracted my life more than most people and I spend a lot of time on media e.g. a lot of youtube and some video games. Philosophically, I cope by accepting that a large percentage of men in the past didn't reproduce, even though all of my direct line of ancestors obviously did. I'm not taking myself out of the picture, regardless of what 'society' at large may or not may think, I don't care about their opinion.
@@whenpigsfly8178 Keep going, I feel you bro.
@@roygbiv6935 stay strong man....i believe in you live and be happy
@@whenpigsfly8178 god bless you man, i am on that same path...never really tried and do not plan onto....life is better when you mind is at ease and get you get to travel and explore the world
Never heard of this guy before, but I'm impressed. He is spot on with the constant distraction hindering us to process not only the outside information probably, I would ad, but also ourselves. We loose ourselves because we search at the wrong place.
Fantastic conversation and explanation.
Yes but I wish instead of just telling people to take accountability and look inward all the time, there was more recognition that our system is dysfunctional and needs to be changed as well. And sometimes people are surrounded by toxic others. Outside circumstances do play a role in misery; everything doesn't come from within.
Fuckin' A, thank you Dr K for voicing such a passionate defense of modern men. To anyone reading this, I hope you have a fantastic day.
I find it extremely important for us to start having these conversations because even though we have known that men are in crisis for a while now, the numbers have stayed the same. We need to start doing something about it and awareness is the first step. Awesome video.
We need to start, but we won't. Society doesn't care about men. So I say let fail.
ive seen this guy several times. imo his awareness, intelligence and ability to articulate these things is just off the charts. i hope many people take time to listen to what he has to say. they will be much better off for it.
If you're new to Dr. K I suggest you take a look at his KZhead channel: HealthyGamerGG You'll love his content
wow. this is gold.
"Most domestic violence comes from men". Read an article debunking that claim: women are commiting as much if not more violence in relationships but: 1. It's barely reported; 2. Less phisical injuries due to less strenght of female perpetrators.
vuolent woman does not exist on court is also a reason.
@@davidkunstist7895 ?
5:48 Most domestic violence DO NOT come from men. Per Harvard research, most domestic violence are reciprocal and in the event where domestic violence is one-way, women by far are the perpetrators.
I've seem some historical curves from the USA about that. If correct, then in the past it probably was male > female. But the male side of the equation has been dropping alot over the last several decades, while the female one has gone sideways to sligthly rising. At some point in the early 2000s the curves crossed and since then it's female > male.
yep they are usually the initiators and instigators as well. Men do a bit more damage on average for obvious physical reasons
@gottisttott6350 absolutely. women know exactly how they can hurt you.
Reconnecting with oneself is just so important
Well said I am subscribed Steven Your channel is so helpful
Thank you guys... wonderful stuff...you have made me, and I'm sure, many others feel less alone. I love you from the heart in the true spirit of Man. Keep going men, keep smiling... eventually it will work itself out. Hold on in there ❤️
lol I've been alone most my life, married, divorced, and lost the friends I did have, so ive had plenty of time to THINK about my life... It doesn't help me. The distractions help.
Try to connect and get rejected sounds like what ive been through. People don't want to connect anymore outside of just the normal small talk when you see them at work or church so sad.
You don’t need friends, It’s all just you anyway, Everyone is programmed to think they need someone or something outside of themselves, It’s all just you anyway, Everyone is programmed to say “it’s unhealthy to not have a social life” Which is B.S, When people say that you hear it and you start to believe it and it becomes true for you, Once you get these “friends” they most likely are unconscious and apart of the matrix and you are then further trained to “hustle” “grind” “video games are for losers” “When you going to get married” All programmed B.S until you old in sitting in hospice and realized none of it mattered, Only thing that mattered is what you enjoyed to do and how you treated others (they are you) nothing outside of yourself (ego convinced you to think you are separate) made you experience joy, You will NEVER find happiness outside yourself, If you want friends so be it but you don’t need them………Everything you need you already have.
Extremely powerful video. I always love Dr. K's videos. This is a topic that NEEDS to be discussed. It's a serious issue. Everything Dr. K said is SPOT ON.
With the current state of women, Being invisible is a positive attribute for men.
But why? Why should you be invisible? Why because of women?
Lol! Be invisible for the rest of your life then... 😂
@@salsalee4322 Thank's, I will keep my time and money to myself. Have fun leaching off other people 🤣.. some of us have more self-respect.
@@global1007 Because there is literally NOTHING more dehumanizing for men to do, with the hope of having a good time, than dating AVERAGE women as an AVERAGE man. Literal nothing more dehumanizing. Its not even close, either.
@@suntzu6122 Ok. I call this a problem in the additude. All I can say is that being gloomy and doomy is not a crime, but for yourself and your mental health it is more than deathly.
Great video Steven
1) Become a student of the Stoic philosophy 2) Learn martial arts These two things combined provide serenity
Stoicism is a trap. It's For Lo$er$.
I'm getting into martial arts, I'm not sure the things you listed are enough to mold a complete person but they are useful tools.
@@Knight-lj7fz , good on you for starting. I’d say it depends on what you consider a complete person. Personally, I focus on being a life long learner.
So I google "my wife is yelling at me what should i do?" this is what came up. "If your wife is yelling at you, take a moment and listen. Take her seriously and try to respond to what she is saying as if she is not yelling at you. Doing so can de-escalate the conversation. Remember that you are not accepting the yelling as healthy by responding this way." Then I googled "my husband is yelling at me what should I do?" this is what came up. "Stay calm, set boundaries, suggest speaking later when emotions have cooled, and disengage if yelling starts. Make clear you won't accept shouting. Encourage counselling to learn coping mechanisms and communication skills. Don't react or yell back."
lol tells you all you need to know. Women are never held accountable.
He's truly connecting dots I never did, which is really powerful.
Very interesting discussion.
the source if aggresion is not insecurity, i see it more as another level of confidence, I'm not talking aggression as in being a bully but literally using anger to build yourself up, when you are angry and you want a job, you will open doors you wouldn't if you were mild angry or not at all, some level of anger is connected to hunger for life and to strife.
I wouldn't have lost 150lbs and got ripped if I wasn't angry, or have had a few hot ladies. they don't want men angry, they want us entertained and passively depressed and self defeated. anger makes action, men who take action are a problem for anyone that doesn't have the mens best interest in mind.
@@ministryofwrath damn right, anger is scary for them, but most women love their man to get angry at other people and show them their place, to not fuk with thtie family. For us anger is another recognition of movement, I mean just look at Mike Tyson as good example, dude was an anger machine in the ring, but he wasalso some of the most confident boxers to step in the ring. Anger can be a powerful emotions if used for good but too many connect anger with all bad because they don't even know basic psychology
It’s probably better to say there’s a “righteous anger” than aggression. That there’s a reason, a virtuous reason, to be angry at something and to use that rage productively:
@@BASSFZz i agree with you on saying rightfully angry, solid point.
@@ministryofwrathI have no idea what are you talking about. You know right that the internet doesn't depict every woman of the world? Or that the internet is polarized? I welcome you to the outside world. Get rid of that screen taht makes you depressed and go to nature. The green and the fresh air will make you happy.
Dr. K 🙌
Great insight.
Thank you.🙏
Rogan needs to get this guy on ASAP❤
Why? lol Rogan is the opposite of what this guy is talking about
@@mmtaravalRogan also regularly brings on guests who differ with his opinions/ideology. I could see an episode with Dr. K as being extremely well-informed and in-depth
As someone who recently was introduced to Vipassana it feels like a valid solution to what he is saying. Or just meditation in general. To the men (and women) struggling out there I suggest taking the time to just sit and notice what you're mind and body are telling you. Will listen to the whole podcast later to hear his other thoughts.
Meditation is good, but insufficient for the healing of trauma. For the latter, you need a healing modality that permits the expression of strong emotions. Meditation can actually suppress emotions.
@@powerandpresence5290 Absolute nonsense. Meditation is literally allowing old traumas to bubble up (or really, the first few days of a retreat deliberately kick up the dust) so you can fully experience and therefore complete the trauma.
Meditation done properly allows deep emotions and feelings to arise naturally and be felt in totality. Echoing the other commenter that you’re speaking nonsense..
@@maxIehner I note that your meditation didn’t teach you non-judgment, nor to sit mindfully with those across the table from you. Various meditation and mindfulness practices do not explore emotionality. In my experience, this is the norm, not the exception. I have worked with both meditation and emotional healing groups alike. Meditation can often block feelings when practiced without emotional awareness. Unless the teaching explores that side, and permits it, emotional healing is unlikely. It’s one of the reasons why mindfulness practices can lead to increased depression and anxiety, which is shown to be true in around 10% of cases.
I understand what you are saying and I don't have serious trauma so I can't comment as to how Vipassana works with people who do have them. I do know for me that it has helped calm my anxiety, reduce my monkey mind, and increase overall happiness. I think it has the potential to help many but will just assume that you are right about trauma.
I think it’s the first time I’ve heard a guest use the host’s name so many times. Love it ❤️😁
I'll second Kanojia's statement that fear gets turned into anger. This is an appropriate response when you're in a fight, as fear can be paralyzing whereas anger can energize. If you get physically bullied a lot as a child, it becomes habitual to turn fear into anger, but then as an adult, in situations where you are not facing physical violence but instead more abstract fears, it is maladaptive.
I do think society has made it difficult for men to express their emotions and therefore they are left with only anger. I also agree with the introspection thing, but they are not the only ones being told not to feel anger or the only ones who get demonized for having certain thoughts or feelings. Women also get told what it means to be a woman and proper ladies aren’t angry or violet but meek and submissive. As humans we all need to do better and let each other feel our feelings and give ourselves space to figure them out.
Yeah nope. Men are not at all allowed to be angry, women are encouraged to. This is all lies told by the tellers. And you believe it.
@@jackdeniston59Could you elaborate on that? Why does it happen and what exactly do you mean by that?
True
Why do you care what other people think about you? They have no clue and their opinions have no value
You hear a 15 minute video about a uniquely male problem and male suffering and the first thing you do is come and comment that "also women"? You are part of the problem.
Yes men, it is ok to be a man - you dont need to worry about what society thinks - they arent worrying about what you think!
No it isn't ok to be a man. You get punished for being a man. Rough housing on the playground? Detention. Fighting in school? Expelled. Asking a female coworker for her number? Fired if your lucky, SH charges if your not. Not going outside? Loser. Not dating anyone? Incel. Working out? Meathead. Not working out? Lazy. Expressing emotions? Bitch made. Not expressing emotion? Not in touch with your emotions. Getting married? Idiot. Not getting married? How dare you! Anything an everything about being a man is "toxic" or "wrong". Men are giving up on masse for a reason.
I mean, are people actually telling you it's not okay irl? Or are you just gravitating toward bizzare online spaces. It's a strange thing to feel the need to justify.
@CapsLock959 Thanks for bringing that energy everybody is talking about , Smdh.
@@CapsLock959 Where have you been? 99.9999999% of people who self identify as feminists are overt misandrists. There was a post on reddit not too long ago that the punchline of a joke was "Being a mermaid sounds great because you get to LURE MEN TO THEIR DEATHS". Women spent literal hundreds of dollars giving this post rewards. Had thousands and thousands and thousands of upvotes. Thats just one example. Talk to any feminist and it will be overtly obvious they "HATE" men.
@@commonsense3921 no idea who "everyone" is or what "energy" you're talking about but erm ... you're welcome I guess?
Thank you for this, I've been battling depression, bipolar, and psychosis for years. I've had more suicidal thoughts than I can count on both hands. I think this is so important to acknowledge and yet we're putting blinders on one of the biggest killers of young men... To anyone reading this: don't give up and just know that you matter!!! ❤
Love this Dr.
The reality is that even the best life is not worth living; it's just a series of problems to be overcome without reward. What is there? Money? Sex? Love? The false gods of the terminally coping. No one is better off for having been born.
Holy jaded.
@@Krucifusnah antinatlism is logical concrete , hence why you call him jaded instead of giving an actual counter arguement that’s not based of how you feel and emotions but go off
I mean if you arbitrarily define rewards as not rewards but instead copes then yes it’s unrewarding. That’s the problems with you antinatilists. You redefine every joy in life as cope then exclaim that any negative such as stubbing one’s toe means life isn’t worth living due to no positives existing ever. It’s the philosophy of the willfully miserable who refuse to recognize what is good and joyful
Counter argument: stop being a bitch
Money sex and love are pretty awesome, they aren't copes
Fucking spot on.
The only thing I disagree with the Dr. is that supposedly men are allowed to express their feelings when they're older, except for anger. Actually, men can't express any negative feeling whatsoever. If they express their anger, they get demonized and if they express their weak side, they're not attractive to women. Because this is the reality: no matter what women say, the moment men start to express their weaknesses, they immediately become less attractive to them.
I exist, and I must acknowledge that. A thousand men could tell me what they think of me, but that changes nothing about the fact that I am here. My strength is within me, and I know it's there by using it in this world. I prefer to be alone, and I enjoy my own company because I know I can rely on me.
In regards to *domestic violence* being "mostly men" I've come across something interesting several years back, which is some historical curves from the USA. If correct, then in the past it probably was male > female. But the male side of the equation has been dropping alot over the last several decades, while the female one has gone sideways to sligthly rising. At some point in the early 2000s the curves crossed and since then it's female > male.
Always remember, no matter how much you idolize an influencer, celebrity, politician, preacher, etc, at some point in time, they have to take a fat and utterly nasty shit.
Anger is normal but resolving conflicts is important 😊
Wow wow wow. This guy is spitting facts
The world has turned it's back on men. Return the favor.
What's so scary about this is that it's never going to get better. I hope it does though.
Only worse probably.
I think you're right.
Dr K very bright individual joy to listen to
6:50 sounds about right. And the only reason more aren’t taking that leap is empathy with their loved ones.
The most dangerous man for society is a young unemployed man.
It will be dissatisfied able young men who always overthrow the old regimes.
That's why we invented monogamy. But women still chase the top 20%.
Not trying to defend anyone or offend anyone... But men also go for the top percentage of women. Everyone wants the best everyone is self interested. That's why women are so focused on the patriarchy specifically the men who are legit in charge
Unless they are organized for war. Very dangerous indeed!
young *unattached* male. Employment is just a condition of subservience.
Its the fact that its ALL about looks! Once people realize that they'll be at peace 🗿🗿🗿
It isn't stop watching KZhead/reddit studies which are either straight up lies or blatant misrepresentation meant to get you rage baited
Suppressing my anger was a huge mistake I made for years. Like said here, I was told by many (including therapists) that I had to process my anger and was only allowed to show sadness. Doing that broke me down. Now I have a better relationship with anger and understand its importance in the balance of my emotions.
Dr. K is great. Really appreciate his comments on masculinity and his outlook(?) on life. Makes me feel understood again and grabs my hand from slipping down a slippery slope.
Just googles the yelling thing, both answers blame men as well.
10:05 "Most domestic violin comes from men". This is only true if we exclude female form of aggression. Yelling, passive-aggressive abuse, emotional blackmail, implying things to raise shame in men, guilt tripping, etc.
I have thought about this, how the only measured form of domestic violence is physical when most of it seems to be emotional/verbal. If this was measured too I would guess we should see a lot of women abusing men since there are many whipped men out there.
@@snoowbrigade exactly. And think about it for a moment. When you hear women talk about how they need to "instruct" their men not to do stupid things followed by a laugh, or when they are just degrading men's behavior in general it all shows how toxic many women can be.
In my experience its not accepted to feel anger and fight back if bullied. My classmates, teachers and parents shamed and guildtripped me for it, so I draw the only logical conclusion and numbed myself entirely. By now I know I shouldve should improved myself but as a kid it didnt work Still struggling to get back in touch w my emotions but I have no Idea how to ("Usual tips" like do things that yk you loved or try new things dont work, I even confronted almost every single fear I have/had but still I dont feel more then helplesness/lonliness or really rare anger, if something at all) At 11:50 my mind processes it diferently. Sadness, fear etc get turned into sadness/helplesness cause I know I cant change it (if I see a way I can I try to do it by now)
I can tell you from a fact, domestic violence in my house start with my wife being narcissist. What she say, the tone of voice, the loudness etc. I am expose daily to verbal attack and violence. Why I am still there : we come from 2 different country and I need to keep an eaye on our daughter.
what is the situation of an quite man ? I am just asking for a friend. good content, thank you !
You still can feel anger inside
Most demestic violence is perpetrated by women. Especially when you consider single mothers and fatherless children. Always question everything you are told and use critical thinking skills.
100% Correct!
Absolutely
QUestion here. CAn you prove it?
The incentives are wrong. Bad shit happens to some women, sure. But when society has no disincentives to punish women for exaggerating or making false statements about male partners, and plenty of incentives to reward independence; what do you expect will happen?
The majority of perpetrators of domestic violence are men. Perpetrators are often young, troubled, unemployed, and of low self-esteem; they have often experienced abuse (of various types) themselves.
This is an incredible speech