"peaking in high school" & dreading class reunions | Internet Analysis
cue the comparison and self-consciousness! let's discuss! // Use FERG40 to get 40% off your Parade order! yourparade.com/FERG40. (Code does not apply to 80% off or Betsey Johnson sales)
Full video episodes of Internet Analysis are available to watch/listen on SPOTIFY! Follow the show here: open.spotify.com/show/1lec8eA...
♥ Instagram: / tferg__
♥ Second Channel: bit.ly/tfergvlogs
TIME STAMPS:
00:00 - intro
1:34 - rejoicing in bullies' karmic misfortune
4:10 - Parade!
5:35 - class reunions
8:08 - Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
15:23 - are class reunions still necessary?
16:45 - digging into "peaked in high school" tropes
19:56 - staying in your hometown, marrying young
22:40 - working a "dead-end job" or "aging badly" is karma?
25:37 - final thoughts
RESOURCES & REFERENCES:
• Heathers - Official Tr...
• santana lopez dragging...
• Jawbreaker (1999) Trai...
• A Tribute To '80s Movi...
• The Karate Kid: Daniel...
• Video
My Own Mean Girls Story Revisited Almost 5 Decades Later (by Arlene Nisson Lassin) - www.huffpost.com/entry/mean-g...
/ cricken_
• Mean Girls Cliques
• Grosse Pointe Blank -
www.tiktok.com/@pgally/video/... -
/ zman_g -
/ snazzycarlos -
• Romy And Michele's Hig...
• Staying Alive - Romy a...
• Romy & Michelle, Expla... -
Why You Truly Never Leave High School (Jessica Senior) - nymag.com/news/features/high-...
• 13 Going on 30 - Jenna... -
• Johnny Lawrence Scenepack -
• Every time Johnny Lawr... -
Tiffany Ferguson (she/her), 28 years old. #internetanalysis #peakedinhighschool #reunion
Business Inquiries: tiffanyferguson@select.co
Captions / video transcription by: / slowxmoxpanda (She is looking for more caption work, so feel free to reach out to her on Twitter!)
I'd love to continue my 80s/90s teen movie marathon now... hope you all enjoy this one!!
I would like more then anything that life is fair and karma is real, but it is not. I was bullied from when I was 10 to 14 every day, craying and begging good every night, but nothing had change. I am 34 now with a lot of mental diagnoses and social anxiety. Last year tried to end my life. Every day is struggle for me to find little things worth living. I was straight A student before bulling has started than I just degraded and closed up.
I LOVE Romy and Michele's HS Reunion, last summer in LA Cinespia had a big outdoor movie night on the hollywood cemetary lawn where they showed it on a huge projector, soo many people dressed up like Romy and Michele and a few folks who worked on the film were there. it was a ton of fun! I had never seen it until then and really loved it, now I can't stop quoting it lol. Great video as always
@tiffanyferg Are you planning on publishing a survey about the topic of public housing in the US?
You used to be so hot, what happened?
Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Heather's would be good movies to look at various social constructs.
the only thing that peaked for me in high school was my depression
LOL at this one. I wish therapy was accessible to me back then, I'd have done so much better if it was!
Lol same
Same 😂
Same! I'm so glad the hormones stabilized and I've been happier as an adult. Hope you have too ❤
sameeeee
Hot take, but nerds can peak in high school, too. They're typically the ones talking about their SAT scores and how good their HS achievements were. Bc they probably didn't achieve more than that
Oh man that totally happened to me I ended up completely burnt out in college after having been an overachiever in high school because I just ended up not being able to cope with both having to live on my own for the first time and massive amounts of untreated depression that I was distracting myself from by throwing myself into my school work so much But now that the pressure of getting into college was off
I've been on both sides because academically, I was never successful, but when I was young I always would be one of those people who tested incredibly high. Teachers spoke to my parents about classes I should consider and also testing for ADD. My parents refused. Biased and bitter, I was always a bit bothered by the "academically gifted in grade school crowd", because I always felt like that was the easiest time to be academically gifted given the right support. I'm not saying they weren't smart, but I watched as teachers gave them their full attention and their parents nurtured that. I struggled always in math and because of that (and perhaps because I was short) one teacher would joke with all the kids who were good at it, and spent the entire class making fun of me and calling me little people slurs. In high school it was sort of similar. By that point I wasn't even testing well anymore. I was constantly put down by some of the nerdy gifted students. One exchange that stuck with me was a kid who went off to university at 16. I tried to compliment him by saying that he was very clever, he wanted to underscore it was about the work he put in and anyone could do it if they worked hard enough. Which is entirely fair. But that rubbed me the wrong way, because it's just not entirely true. The teachers in my high school only focused on the kids who performed well and the rest of us were either ignored or ridiculed. My home life was horrible and abusive, as were many of the other kids at my school. Some were working quite a bit to support their families. It was a poor school and one of the worst performing ones in the state, so I figure the teachers just decided to focus on students they actually thought would make it out. But idk, it bothered me more than a lot of the more popular kids. Because it was always touted by them and the teachers as a personal failing, that we were kids who just couldn't work hard enough and they were the good ones. And has stuck with me more than the "cool" kids, because it felt really institutional due to the fact teachers joined in. A lot of the kids were very nice and several did go on to be very successful, I don't want to generalize all of them. But I was just always bitter and jealous about the amount of support and attention they received by teachers, meanwhile I was struggling and just ignored.The spite has died over time, but I still have an intense dislike of the teachers.
They join mensa to show that they are still smarter 😂
“We’re all losers”
That was 100% ME. I burned out after 2 years of college and now deciding to quit ot altogether after trying to keep on with it for ten years. School used to bring me so much joy and confidence, now I don't want anything to do with it because I don't have the privileges in life to pursue it further. So I'm still in a less skilled job, but it brings me joy.
I've always loathed it when people refer to your school days as the "Best Days of your Life", as if it's downhill from there. There can be so many rewarding things about growing older.
It just filled me with dread. I wasn't particullary happy in school and whenever people told me this I just thought "this is it?, this is the best? OH GOD"
Even when you're older - I remember turning 24 and someone in my office telling me it's all downhill from there. Now I'm 30 and it's like dude, I don't know about you but I'm absolutely thriving so idk what his problem was 😅
Recently a lot of my friends graduated college, and the amount of captions I see saying “best 4 years of my life, so sad this is ending” would fill me with dread because this has been very far from the best 4 years of my life (it has, in fact, been the worst 4 by a large margin), just as high school was not at all the best 4 years of my life. So I began to spiral. If I’ve wasted the select set of years that are the best, then is my life only going to go downhill? Then I realized, if the best 4 years of my life occur when I’m financially unstable and mentally underdeveloped then that’s pretty sad. I’d way way rather have the best 4 years of my life be when I’m an independent, autonomous adult making my own decisions and my own path forward
The ones who had "the best 4 years of their life," had to have been on something, lol. I didn't fit into a singular group of people but thankfully the bullying ended in the 8th grade and was left alone after that.
As someone who’s 32, high school was definitely some of the best years of my life. Not because I haven’t experienced joy since, but because there’s a certain level of ease you experience as a kid that you will never get back once you become an adult. That’s not to say being an adult sucks, but as a kid, you don’t have to think about the pressures of life and bills. That, coupled with the type of fun that just comes with being young and dumb, is why I think a lot of people say high school years are the best. No other phase in life can replicate it.
You know, it's funny. I was RELENTLESSLY bullied throughout the entirety of my existence in American public schools, and it's only in hindsight that I realize that it was never the popular kids who did that to me. They had no idea who I was. They had no reason to bother. It was always the other loser kids.
YES! My biggest bully -- the girl who terrorized me -- was one of my "friends" who lived in a trailer (I lived in a trailer home too, not hating) and had a super abusive mother and an emotionally absent father. She was worse off than I was, and just as much of a "loser." She was just taking out all of her insecurities on me. In fact, all the popular girls were nothing but nice to me.
This is completely true for me. My “friends” made my life more miserable than any “popular kid” could
This was absolutely my experience too. The popular kids at my hs actually were the nicest ones that were in a ton of clubs. It was the other outcast who were my bullies as well 😂 which is crazy when you think of how movies portrayed the other dynamic.
@@artareonsame. Popular kids either ignored me or were nice cause I gave them my homework
It was both for me, but the loser kids did it even more
I'm so glad you touched on the stigma of not leaving your hometown. I don't live in America and I'm not American so it's a little different here, but it's too expensive to move out of my parent's house. I can't eat *and* pay rent, and neither can millions of others. It's not about ambition or open-mindedness, it's capitalism
I'm in the same boat! I'm in my mid twenties and live with my parents. My hometown is incredibly car dependent and my car has been broken for the last few months. If I were living on my own, I wouldn't be able to afford to fix my car AND afford an apartment. Meaning if I didn't have a car, I wouldn't have a way to work.
Im 17 and desperately trying to to save money to move out. When I was younger I always dreamed of moving out at 18 and going to college, but the closer I get the more it's looking like moving out at 21 at the earliest and applying for Job Corps again.
And some people just... Don't want to do it. It's nothing bad.
Thank you for your comments, I think I will look with more compassion to the people who stayed where we grew up! I didn't move far from where I grew up, but it was and is very important for me to have left. The city is connected to a lot of family trauma. This and the fact that there is no professional future for my partner and I in that city I would never move back (city is very poor, one of the highest unemployment rates). I always felt a bit...sad for the people from school that never left. But of course some people don't have trauma, some people have good parents that even help them, when life is tough! (Which is also weird, because a friend of mine moved back in with her parents after university and I never thought badly about it, but treated MY hometown and people still/again living there differently)
I moved out alone with no car being a waitress. And so many of my coworkers were also in the early 20s living alone waiting tables. To anyone who lives in the US being a waiter a bartender you can make good money
the "not leaving your hometown" trope never hit for me because i live in a metropolitan area lmao, like all the jobs/universities are here, why would we leave lmao
I mean I’m a few Chicago suburbs away from where I grew up, but I don’t think of that as having left my home town. My sister’s husband, however, moved from the south suburbs where he grew up to the city and now they’re in the northwest suburbs, one town away from where my family grew up and in the same high school district. (And walking distance from where my mom grew up after they left the city when she was five.) we keep finding new-old people my niece and nephew will go to high school with and my nephew is already in preschool at the grade school we went to (where my mom still teaches) with classmates who are also the children of people we went to school with. so my sister is in her bubble and has brought her husband into it! Their current friend group is the guys and girls my sister was friends with in high school and all their spouses.
that’s probably not what most people are reffering too. In my state is Aus our capital city has a population of 1.9 mill and the second biggest place has 75k population. Small town to me is can get as low as a couple hundred. There aren’t as many opportunity’s there. In fact it absolutely sucks that kids in rural areas don’t get to have an education unless the parents can shell out for expensive private boarding school in the city (tho I think where we were there were cheaper options but I imagine it’s costly either way) if you want to go to university you have to move to the city which is difficult especially when you don’t have the option of living with mum and dad.
@@ayla8345 It still can apply, in terms of neighborhoods. Even in NYC, you'll meet ppl who never leave their swath of Brooklyn, or who only leave Long Island for a Yankees game 😅 You can see more/less provincial attitudes between folks who went away and returned, vs those who stayed, even if they also attended college. The trope isn't so much about karma or kicking-down, as pointing out people who stopped growing/learning in their teens.
I agree with you. It doesn't make sense to look down on if a person left or not because people can still travel and explore other places opportunities outside of there town pretty easily unless they live in the middle of no where.
it definitely hits a little different when you’re from a small town. I think a lot of those feelings/thoughts come from assuming that ppl who stay in their hometown never experience life in a new way or gain new perspectives. Personally, leaving my hometown opened my eyes to so much and was necessary for my growth as a person. someone mentioned travel, and while that’s true, you certainly can travel to see more. Living in new environments for an extended period of time is much different that visiting different places.
Imo the healthiest thing for me as someone who was bullied and miserable in school is to just ignore them and do your own thing. Focusing on someone else’s life ultimately takes away from yours.
You’re right, but I still wish my abusers the worst lol. I just don’t really think about it all the time, but I’m not gonna be nice to them or pretend that I can forgive them
@@rx500androidJust so you know you can also never forgive them and still not wish ruin on others
@Cilibi just so you know, they can do and think whatever they want.
@@Cilibiactually you CAN and should 😘
I feel that. I was more bullied in middle school than high school but I haven’t talked to those people in like 7-12 years now. I’m not in a perfect place but not having to deal with cruel children is a lot better. I don’t care if they’re doing well or not I just know I don’t have to ever see them again.
There's a current of prosperity gospel in the idea the "mild mannered" "nice" kids will go on to have material success a hit externally desirable milestones while the "mean, popular" kids have a life that goes downhill. My school was too large for there to be any one popular group, but the most popular people were generally kind, interesting, and funny people. There were also people who didn't do well in that environment and have had a chance to find communities that fit and value them. But it is distressing to see people hoping that real life will be a morality play.
Oooh yes prosperity gospel!! That’s a great point
somtimes popularality…is due to being somone that others want to be around. It’s a bit like how you can be really smart and good at your job but in a lot of cases no one is going to want to work with you if you’re a total C word to everyone. There are plenty of exceptions to this for people who are indispensable to a company…but the nerds who believe in the myth of the “maligned kid goes on to be super successful (usually in software)” may be dissaponted that they aren’t amazing enough to pull that off and the popular kids do well cause being personable is a big part of business.
@@91Vault Even in tech, most jobs involve working with a team. And as software dev, like 60%+ of the job is managing & communicating with people. Computers don't mind if you're a dick, but people do 😅
@91Vault this is a very good point and it reminds me of the book Quiet, which touched on how extroverts are seen as being more desired in work spaces even if an introvert is also just as capable(paraphrasing as I read that years ago). A lot of people are able to get far from being personality hires in addition to being qualified. As you mentioned, an introvert/quiet person hoping that theres going to be this massive switch may definitely be disappointed. As a more introverted, but social person, it is easier to get overlooked in some spaces as big personalities are favored.
@@artareon This is definitely true. It is VERY difficult if you are particularly awkward and are prone to unintentionally coming off a certain way particually when it comes to networking. That said though I think I was referring moreso to people who: whilst they might be introverted/awkward through no fault of their own: They are also just difficult to be around, who think social interaction is "benieth" them and do that stereotypical thing where they over compensate by being the smartest person in the room and are completely resistant to trying to be more personable. It's that stereotype from TV. Now don't get me wrong it definitely goes both ways. Especially if you're a woman: women who are more direct and no fuss are likely to be viewed upon negatively and their perceived abrasiveness exagerated. Some industries draw like minded people, so if you vibe with your coworkers its a lot easier to be pleasant. I think there is a certain point where being unsociable isn't an excuse: they can bitch and moan about it all they want but unless they become THAT good at their job or learn some basic courtesy then they'll just be perpetually disap[ointed (Note: of course for people who are on the spectrum or have legit social anxiety that's a bit different cause it is hard)
Sorry but the reddit post where the person paid for their old bully's groceries is giving, "and then everyone clapped" i just don't believe that one lool
I literally said out loud "...and then everyone clapped" at the end of Tiffany reading the post. Haha.
I thought the same thing, those are the most "reddit" comments I've read. Also, would love to know what that user was doing to where he sees people enjoying marriage and friendships and happiness as "mediocre". I don't know very many people who I'd consider did anything entirely out of the ordinary with their lives, everyone is pretty normal.
And him going "I will treasure the look on her face forever" just made him sound like even bigger of a looser ngl 💀 dude probably in his 30s celebrating a women not having enough to feed her children because she was mean to him back when they were 16yo...
Redditors tend to be exposed to make shit up for the sake of karma whoring. It's ridiculously overdramatic there lol.
😂😂
I definitely peaked in 2nd grade, when I ran the gym class obstacle course in record time because I desperately needed to relieve my bladder. It was my proudest moment, if only I could go back...
Same, except I won dodgeball because I was too short to hit, and my teacher bought the winner juice and candy at the school canteen
Me when I outlasted everyone in the Fitness Gram Pacer test🤧
I think a lot of people now are not going to high school reunions because it’s very easy now to see how someone in your past is doing by just looking them up on social media websites. It’s a very low effort way to check on our past peers without having to risk going back to an environment that hurt our emotional/mental/physical health while growing up.
I honestly forgot all about mine for this very reason
Yeah, so many people didn’t want to do one for mine that it never even happened 😂😂
I don't even know how they'd contact everyone lol. Like no one is on Facebook and people who work in the trades and stuff probably aren't on LinkedIn.
@@madhu7983 Easy - snail mail & email are still quite good at reaching people. Most schools with a decent alumni association reach out annually to make sure your contact info is up-to-date. For smaller schools, or less well-organized ones, you usually reach out tree-style, where everyone tries to contact as many classmates as they can. It's how we've done reunions for decades.
@@madhu7983 For me, I kind of disappeared off the face of the earth deliberately off of social media that isn't in my trans femme form. So the deadname's Facebook account is literally dead for a reason.
At least for my high school, the people who "aged poorly," got married and had kids young, and stayed in our hometown were just poor. They didn't have money for college, they didn't have stable homes supporting them, and if they got pregnant, their only options were to get married and settle down (therefore abandoning big career prospects). I also come from a rural area, so this compounds the problem with moving away. I feel that my success is based largely around privilege and little else.
Yeah, there's a good amount of sociological evidence that working class people are less likely to leave their home towns/neighborhoods. That's not necessarily a bad thing as it can mean strong support systems and a strong sense of community. But it does mean that the whole "stigma against staying in your hometown" thing has major class connotations
Nothing wrong with having kids young. I envy those that did. I'm 43 and still single.
I grew up in a big city at a poor school and I would say the ones who did so at mine were both poor and very religious. Most who did that had kids between 15-20 and generally most were planned. Though interestingly, I think they're the group that moved away from the city. Either to suburbs or to other states. I think a lot of it might have to do with the city being expensive and also fairly liberal (a lot of them became increasingly more conservative) and some of it due to having family in other states. So interestingly, being from a big city, that group seems to be the one that actually does leave, but also probably because of financial reasons.
The popular kids at my class all aged terribly. One dude is fat and balding. He used to be the guy we all had crush on in high school. Now he looks like some homeless guy. 🙄 The popular girls are all land whales now, and we are only 32, 33.
@@nerychristianI’m 24, many of my piers have children and I don’t envy the lives they have. Many are now single parents
This idea that the worst high school bullies will definitely just have it bad in life and it will all go downhill is so wild to me. WHY would the ones who spent all their years having fun, stepping on people and building confidence off the backs of others, suddenly retreat and all collectively just never go forward with anything. Meanwhile, the people they (often) scarred for life would all magically recover and lead the coolest lives.
Yes this!
THIS! Psychologically speaking, the way you live your teenagehood influences A LOT on your adulthood. My bully, for example, was a psychopath. Like - legit. She herself admitted that she felt "empty towards other people" and because she had everything going for her (good grades, charming etc.) she just acted how she felt like. Including bullying me so severly, that I -in the end- received a phobia of cameras, and basically had my life ruined Carry-style, due to her always pointing a mob at me. INCLUDING teachers! After leaving school, I always told myself a lot about her. Mostly how she would never be able to have true relationships. True love etc. Well guess what? That w***re doesn't care. Why would she have to? She has a partner she doesn't love, but acts enough to play the role. She gets back admiration, sex, and more. She has multiple friends, a loving family and good career aspects. Meanwhile me? I have intimacy issues. Trust issues. Charm -245. I recently accidentally bombed my friend group through a CPTSD meltdown. I also have a -oh irony - psychopath as a mother who got to abuse me without punishement and now lives equally happy with my step-father. There's "some movement" in that I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and am working up my learning disabilities -but my career options are still wonky
I think this trope only works if the bullies were lazy and had bad grades because they were busy partying or wtv
Yes!! I don't know if this is also part of it, and I kinda wish it was talked about in the video, but I went to a private school. so the popular kids tended to be wealthier as well as good looking and well connected. That's literally a recipe for success past high school too. I do realize this video applies most likely to public schools (the majority of the school system), but when I was trying to think of the popular kids in my school, I kept thinking how I think most of them were doing well in life.
@@usehername1exactly. The bullies from my school that wasted their lives partying and hooking up etc. ended up worse off while the cunning bullies that used their looks, wealth, and connections to their advantage are doing well in their lives.
I have literally never understood high school reunions: let's go back to probably one of the worst places you can remember with some of the worst people you can remember, and pretend to get along because your adults. It's patently absurd: its the same reason I deleted everyone but 3 people from that place
I feel like it's some whyte people ish. They love that fake, pretend to be cordial, type stuff.
But people like me had great time in HS although college and adulthood were much better as I have more freedom now and financially independent.
I mean some people had a nice time and liked their classmates and want to catch up...
@@crazydragy4233 The ratio disagrees
@@scottbuck1572 What ratio? The 100 people during a month vs 2 people in less than a day? I hope you're not serious (extra hard to tell online) but some people actually had friends and good experiences in school and don't mint revisiting them 😅 It's not that deep
As a former kid who was bullied in highschool for being neurodivergent, I used to tell ppl a lot that they were peaking. But then I graduated and I saw those mean popular girls all go to good colleges and go out with friends a lot and I realized.. I was jealous. I was so jealous of seeing other people my age have a good time that I coped through bitterness. I was jealous that people who treated me terribly somehow had friends while I was stuck with an abusive boyfriend. I was upset that they had EVERYTHING I wanted and felt I deserved. When I was a kid, I thought I would have my life together and be in a good college but instead I’m living with my parents and working at a McDonald’s.. some would say I “peaked” in highschool. But I’m actually learning to be content with my circumstances. I’m doing significantly better mentally than I was when I was girlbossing on my own haha. Peaking is very subjective to your personal life goals. I also think ppl use the term “peaking” against women in particular, especially once they start having kids. Life doesn’t end when you graduate highschool or have kids, but ppl act like that’s how it is. I’m in a continuing state of growth and development bby, I’m not “peaking” until I’m on my deathbed.
Also neurodivergent. I didn’t achieve the dreams my parents had for me, but I’m so happy with the way my life turned out and am finally getting the support I’ve always needed. Success really does look different for everyone ❤
Youve shared a wonderful perspective of how i see people use this term. I've certainly seen people through around the term peaking at popular people (at least in the media) and I think many young people like myself assume that they will have a wonderful fairytale life immediately after graduation and going to college but life is hard 😂 and I think many of us are starting to open are eyes to mental health and how it can be easy to feel like "you haven't made it" because we see all these influencers our age getting rich and famous and it skews our idea of success vs peaking. Rent is through the roof and everything else we need to survive isn't as easy to obtain like the older generation. Due to this, it's not uncommon or bad to still be a home with parents and working at a minimum wage job. It stings when we paint a picture of what success looks like and we don't feel like we quite fit it as neatly. That's why I think using the term peaking in school to be such a double edge sword because many associate being at McDonald's to be a result of personal/moral failure. In reality, it's not that cut and dry. So thank you for sharing this and I'm glad you were able to reflect on what made you say they peaked when you took a step back. I'm glad you no longer feel this way because you are doing your best ❤
🙄
this makes me feel better. same
what does your jealousy have to do with being bullied for being neurodivergent?
as someone who became disabled due to bullying at school and parental abuse at home, all of this is just bizarre that anyone cares about. im concerned about surviving. im concerned about ever becoming able to work. my life is shit and i never recovered from the bullying and abuse. i dont care if the bulllies ended up with good or bad jobs. i care about that the system allowed the bullying at school and the abuse at home to happen to children like me. that there was no support. and that there are tons of children right now suffering like i did who will sadly grow up to become adults like me, with no hope, no support network, and no help from the system.
so so sorry for everything that happened to you and i'm wishing you the best 🫶🫶
My condolences that you had suffered and is still suffering. I’m disabled as well, but not from bullying. It’s from parental abuse and the fucked up system that we have in America. From one marginalized person to another I send out hope that we both gain our power back in our lives.
Preach
Damn. Based
Similar situation here! I got bullied all throughout HS which lead to depression, self harm, then panic attacks, crippling self hatred. Bullying doesn’t end once you leave school. The trauma sticks with you forever. I’m an adult now and a lot of problems and damaging beliefs I have still come from being bullied so severely all those years ago.
I always found the 'making fun of people for staying in their hometown' thing to be ironic, because that's absolutely peak highschool mentality - most of the time, people hate their hometown because there's nothing to do *as a teenager*, but there's plenty to do as an adult. It's just getting stuck in the mindset of a school age kid and never considering that it might actually be a safe area, or somewhere with affordable housing and stable jobs.
i grew up in a major city and in the suburbs. all my city friends still live here while everyone i met in the suburbs left and either lives in said city or somewhere else. i think that mindset is definitely more prevalent in suburbs where there really isnt much to do for teens and they cant even readily walk to their own friends hosues or even a local park to hang out. they take that lack of independence and project it onto the whole town, not realizing when they leave to a similar town as an adult it's essentially the same thing.
There is still nothing to do (except go to the cinema, watch football, go to the one nice park in summer, and go to a crap selection of pubs and restaurants. And bingo, lol) in my hometown, as an adult who came back to live here. I spend as much of my free time as possible in a nearby big city and only live here because it's cheap and easy to get to said city on the train. It has enabled me to own property while most of my close friends in the city cannot afford to despite being on £10k+ more per year. On the other hand, while the people here (who I work with) are very pleasant, I still feel like an alien when we try to have conversations because they have such different interests from me. I guess what I am doing is evangelizing about the benefits of my lifestyle. I would recommend it if you don't mind hours of sitting around on trains, you like weird shit, but don't want all the downsides of having to pay to live in a cool place with weird shit going on.
I think the making fun of people staying in their hometown thing is more associated with lack of personal growth and not going out of their social bubble to experience different things and meet different people.
Ok but there’s literally nothing to do in my hometown. I have to travel 12-15 minutes to get to my ms/hs, and there’s barely anything to do in the town where my hs is
depends heavily on where you grew up lol
I love the clip of Liz Lemon in 30 Rock talking about how she was the victim of bullying when in reality she was wickedly mean to the "popular girls" in high school
Such a good episode! I hope Tiffany talks about it if she makes a mean girls video
This!!
Yuuuuuup. I dont want to disrespect anyone's horrible experiences, but everyone remembers being bullied and no one remembers ever once being the bully, and that math isn't mathing. We block out, rationalize, or minimize the unkind things we do/did to others, but we have no idea how they remember them or what impract they had.
Oooh, I was just about to comment on this! Yeah, 30 Rock has one of my favorite challenges of the whole "they're all jerks who peaked in high school" narrative.
@liannadunten7326 That's just not true. Everyone who was a genuine bully, like dedicated to torturing someone knows that they did it. It's just convenient to act like they have no idea. I feel like some of you talk about bullying like it's that one time someone was really mean or you said a mean thing. When others talk about it, they're talking about systematic torture that they had to endure sometimes for years.
I'm 37, and I just hope that my old bullies managed to grow out of that, and become decent humans. I've realized that we were all messy, hormonal little shits when we were kids. I stopped holding myself responsible for my childhood actions, why shouldn't I extend that to others? I didn't know better; who says they did?
You are so much better than me lmao! I wish I can be forgiving like this one day
Anyone who tried to bully me in school ended up regretting it. I can't even count how many bullies I beat up. School was a Lord Of The Flies experience for me. They kicked me off the school bus. I'm not a violent person by nature but I wasn't going to put up with people bullying me. I learned to box when I was 10 years old and it helped me defend myself against bullies. I still remember this time a kid decided to start a fight with me by hitting me in the back after I walked into the classroom. I turned around and punched him in the face so hard he ran backwards 5 feet, fell off a curb and was knocked out. People I went to school with remember me because I was that kid they remembered beating up bullies. People loved seeing bullies getting beat up. Sometimes I even purposely let myself get bullied just so I could fight.
Were you all really messy in the same way? The problem is that some people talk about bullying and they mean that they were teased here and there, and others fully endured torture. Like...the type if an adult did it to another, there'd be a trial. Just saying it for the sake of whoever else might be reading and feels differently. You don't have to forgive and pretend like you were all the same back then. Because in your case you know you weren't.
@@Maialeenthis is a good point. i got sent literal hate mail to my HOUSE that was a christmas card.. now whenever i open a card im scared 😅
I moved around a lot, but happened to end up sharing a laundromat in my 30s with one of my worst middle-school bullies. Dude straight apologized - said he was an insecure little sh*t back then, and was jealous/overawed by my smarts (he spawned my unwelcome moniker, "supernerd"). I agreed, said feelings & hormones are a helluva thing, and we became decent buddies for yrs afterwards, even chatted a bunch about family & girlfriends, and I introduced him to my [late] hubby. Meanwhile, there are folks from elementary & middle school who I'd gut-punch if I saw them as adults. 😅 Kids are mostly works-in-progress, so I do cut some slack - but some folks are just a*holes, and it manifests early. Reunions help us determine which is which ✔
I’d just like it to be known that even the class president who’s planning the reunion doesn’t want to go to it - they’re just obligated to fulfill a commitment they made at 17 😅
Bruh fr. I was just trying to boost my college applications, not make a lifelong commitment 😭
My friend was president and lives halfway across the U.S. now. She’s never going to throw a reunion and will never care, and neither will I lol
It's not like it's the military 😂 Usually the reunion committee in any year is made of volunteers - the class president is just the liaison with the school/alumni association. I helped organize my HS 20th with about 5-6 other folks - the actual class president was just the one who put out the call for cmte members. We had a blast! Great standalone venue, awesome food, our own music, room to cut loose, and I designed ID tags out of yearbook photos & school graphics 😎 Even set up a projector where ppl could add to the photo-reel. Reunions can be cool, if the people are 🤷
The popular kids where I live were usually the rich, privileged, attractive kids that were subtly mean and judgemental, but not in these vicious, obvious bullying ways that movies portray them as. A lot of them did end up living successful or normal lives, because when you're born into privilege, it doesn't really matter whether you're nice or skilled. Some people grow out of that mentality, but imo, it seems like most of them don't, because they're never confronted with it, they never had a reason to question their actions. I think it's perfectly okay to be angry about that or occasionally look back to that time and recognize you were treated unfairly. Trauma is trauma and social exclusion is tough. The pushback we've seen in the last few years about...people being affected by bullying and still caring about it makes no sense. It's almost like a campaign lead by the people who would have been mean in high school trying to cover it up, lol. Sure, some people can be too extreme with it, or be stuck in high school mentally, but that's true on both sides. It's ok to talk about what you've been through, to process it, and all that. There's power in rising up from those shitty circumstances. Come on, the "popular kids at my school were actually super nice and smart and the outsiders were mean losers!" take we've been seeing around lately isn't original or nuanced. It's just perpetuating that high school bullying mentality.
💯 you took a lot of the words out of my mouth! Like in your school the popular kids in mine were attractive from families with money & privilege. So they are very rarely “failures“ that just stayed in the home town. Often they went on to study at good universities and even abroad at least for awhile, landed good jobs before returning. Plus living where I grew up Is expensive so it would rather be a sign of success to live there. I was bullied and I have zero interest in going to a reunion. Why would I choose to spend time with people terrorized my childhood/teens and made going to school hell? It’s not like any one of them ever apologised either. It’s a terrible trauma to be bullied & excluded to that degree during your formative years. It can affect your self esteem and sense of self for years after. That doesn’t mean you are stuck in high school mentality it’s just that the pain caused by the bullies behavior can often be so major. I do not think we should trivialize people’s trauma. Feeling anger towards the ones that hurt us is an important step in healing. Of course we will need to move past that eventually, if nothing else for ourselves.
yes, i don’t know what caused this revisionist history. literally a decade ago everybody was against bullying, anti bullying campaigns were everywhere. now people want to idolize popular kids, especially popular mean kids in an attempt that maybe they’ll seem like a nice/good person. (if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em i guess) i get both sides, but i’ve witnessed popular kids be bullies to other kids more than the other way around, and i’m not going to pretend that they were actually cool, or nice, or honestly deserving of sympathy. society always wants us to pity and pedastalize people who literally do nothing to deserve it.
For people who are/were bullied: Life doesn’t improve after high school because of karma, it gets better because you already know how to be yourself and not care about fitting in. You’re already way ahead of most of your peers. You can walk through your life knowing that hardly anything is ever personal, so you take nothing personally and are mostly not phased by other people’s opinions or treatment towards you. You will have this unique ability to stay calm when people are disrespectful because you know nothing is about you, and even if it was about you, it doesn’t really matter 🙃 life ain’t that serious.
🎯🎯🎯
I really appreciate your inclusion of region as a factor in this conversation. I’m from a super small southwestern Indiana town. When I was a senior in high school, they sat us all down in the cafeteria to have the “college talk” and the guidance counselor said, verbatim: “I know you all have these lofty dreams of getting out of here and becoming something, but the reality is that over 80% of you will stay in [town] for the rest of your lives.” And they DID. Of my graduating class, I am one of only 3 people who left the state at all, let alone our hometown. When you come from a small place like that, sometimes the concept of “peaking in high school” is perpetuated by the adults around you. Because all we were ever told was “This is all there is.”
While not to the same extent I also got that vibe from my school district in an NYC suburb. It felt like most of my classmates’ parents grew up in my town and I was an outsider because my parents both grew up elsewhere. The popular kids were popular because their parents were and the parents knew how to set them up socially (signing them up for sports like cheer basketball and football). I transferred to private school not just because of social isolation that I felt but also so I could feel like I’m breaking from the mold and could set myself up for success. Most of the popular kids stayed in my hometown and sometimes it feels like they’ll continue the cycle. And maybe that’s both a good and a bad thing.
Some folks really shouldn't be in the business of educating children 😢 Although it was an honest statistic, they could've at least discussed options with you all, to see what could be done to get you closer to your goals. My little sibs went to a crappy school for 6th grade, and during graduation [to middle school], the *Principal* said to the class, "Some of you may even go on to graduate high school!" 😡 Kids largely take their cues from the adults - if the grown-ups give up them, most kids will give up on themselves.
Whoa SW Indiana, that’s close to my neck of the woods. And yeah that whole thing makes sense
Also from a small southwestern Indiana town! 100% true
But what is wrong with staying in your town? I am genuinely confused, I'm from another country
I peaked academically in high school. there was this huge expectation of what i would do in university, what i would accomplish, etc. i was socially on the bottom half of the ladder for sure, so those narratives of "the nerd that becomes super successful" definitely put more pressure on me. well, i became chronically ill and had to drop out of university, couldn't hold a job due to my illnesses and disabilities, and now have to live with my parents because I can't live independently with my support needs and lack of funds. last year was my 10 year reunion. i didn't attend. i didn't want to put myself through reaching out to the organisers, have to explain my disabilities and needs to make sure it was safe for me to go, and then have to have the same endless conversations about why i am where i am today, listening to insincere platitudes and unsolicited advice, pitying stares, etc. no thank you.
While I've never been academically successful, I know how it feels to have this thing people bank on you always being well at, and suddenly losing that element of yourself the people around you held so highly. I hope you know it doesn't make you any less worthy of the care and love you need, even if you're struggling to get it. Wishing you the best.
@@Gruesome420 thank you for your kind words. I hope you're doing well with whatever it is that made you struggle similarly to me. for me it's definitely been difficult, but I've done (and continue to do) a lot if work to unlearn those harmful beliefs. I'm very lucky in that my parents are able to support me financially and I can have access to regular therapy to help me with the mourning process of the person I was and who I thought I would be, the loss of sense of identity, and also with the acceptance of my illnesses and disabilities. I'm no longer held down by those expectations, but I also know I don't want to put myself in situations such as the reunion that would only harm me.
This made me feel very seen. This is my first year back to university after having to take a break (leukemia). Last semester went pretty well, and then at the start of this semester I had to get my gallbladder removed. Ever since I’ve been having such a hard time living up to academic expectations, especially when I see what my peers have been able to do. It makes me feel like I’ve lost my chance and my brain is broken now or something idk. It probably won’t always be like this, but it’s nice to know there’s someone else out there who gets that kind of feeling. I hope you’re doing well, by the way. Screw that reunion lol
@@mredmo6783 screw that reunion indeed hahah I've tried several times to go back to uni, but ended up having to drop out again. I've accepted now that it's not something I can do in my current state, but maybe one day I'll be able to finish. every time I've tried, it's become harder. illnesses have an impact on the brain (they can be traumatic, especially the scary ones like what you had or chronic ones like I do where I've had to deal with medical gaslighting and other sorts of medical trauma, and trauma impacts cognitive ability so much), so don't beat yourself up for not being able to do what you were before or live up to those expectations. you're doing your best and your best can look different from day to day. but also it's okay to not do your best every day and take a break and just do what you can because always doing the best is exhausting and not sustainable. you're living, that's what matters. I hope things go well for you going forward 💜
@@mredmo6783you need to let go of the idea that anything in life is guaranteed. Yes it sucks ass that others are dumb and don’t understand that walking around perfectly healthy is not only awesome but enabling them to do other awesome things. Or the ones that judge you. But you can stop judging yourself by their standards. Money works similarly, so does social support and physical beauty. Ask yourself how you want to see yourself in 5 years, not what is everyone doing in 5 years. ❤
Honestly, I think if you were seriously bullied in high school it's okay to feel a sense of schadenfreude when you discover said bullies 'peaked in high school. I'm sure most people forget about their past if you're suddenly at your high school reunion and bumped into someone who consistently treated you like shit, its okay to feel better than them for five minutes. We are only human. I don't think we need to feel bad for feeling the full range of human emotions.
agreed
Yes it’s fine to feel that, but it’s the continued indulgence of that feeling without any self reflection that is a problem. Sometimes instead of cursing others it’s time to go to therapy and start on some healing
@Cilibi No one needs to go to therapy because they saw someone who used to torture them and thought "Lmao, I'm glad you're a failure". How have you even gotten it into your head that this means they think about these people 24/7? Whoever's reading this, you don't have to feel indifferent and you don't have to give these people grace. It's okay to feel a brief moment of schadenfreude. You don't have to pretend to be above everything all the time.
@@Maialeen I think you misread what I said? I literally said that it’s normal and fine to feel that initial bitterness, but if it becomes something that you spend too much time in it can become a problem. We are saying the same thing, I just hope that people who are still feeling very hurt by these past experiences can work to heal from it for their own piece of mind. Sometimes not healing from these things can end up with people becoming a bitter and hurtful person without them realizing it
@@Cilibi it's not bitterness, it's a feeling of relief, feeling justified. We get it. seeing shitty people finally getting what they deserve is a healing in a way, it's not my fault they were so shitty 💁♀️
I'm really glad class reunions are not a thing in the UK, they sound stressful. The further away I am from being in secondary school, the happier I am
Likewise!
They are
SAME OMG I sweat bullets whenever I recognise somebody from school in public! I do my utmost to be sneaky/avoid eye contact and hope they don't spot me/do the same
@@madinp1177 What if they were friends back in high school?
@@madinp1177I absolutely cringe 😳when someone from my past insist on giving me the time of day. Especially when that person didn't give me the time of day, back in the day. It seems so disingenuous to me. Then that stranger insists on embroiling me in an awkward conversation with them.
I think the "Karma got you" thing is a way to reassure yourself that the bully/mean girls get punished in a way. You were too shy/ not affirmed enough in highschool to do anything about their behaviour, and now, 10 or 20 year later, it's too late to do anything, you really would be an AH to insult them for 10 to 20 years old facts. But seeing them age badly, or having a low-paying job while you are in a better situation can give you the impression tthey got punished in a way.
Yes, and it’s a pretty immature mindset that really shows that people would literally rather do anything than go to therapy.
@@CilibiI second this.
@@youtubesupportsfascism I was not, I was a loser autistic anime kid and so was my friend group. I just think it’s important for people to remember that other people were human and children, so even though you don’t have to forgive them or want them in your life anymore maybe we don’t have to wish them ruin and punishment for the rest of their lives. And maybe we can work to do some healing for our own sakes
Everyone in my high school who was popular was extremely nice, smart, and in a myriad of sports/activities thats literally why they were popular. I've never really experienced the mean popular people trope in real life and though it was just a Hollywood thing. The mean girl to nurse pipeline is true though 🤷♀️
It was like that in my secondary school as well.
Yeah, that was true in my high school too. The kids everyone liked/wanted to like them were generally very friendly and were really involved in school activities, sports and/or events.
Same here. A lot of the popular people in my high school were emotionally mature for their age, and knew how to manage social interactions and relationships better than most teenagers. They were the ones who didn't make fun of me for being shy and quiet.
must vary depending on the school. all the "popular kids" at my school were only considered "popular" because they were athletes or had rich parents
That was very true to my high school as well, and honestly I never understood the trope of "the popular kids never do anything with their lives" like in my experience most people were popular bc they were outgoing, involved, charismatic, etc like they're likely going to be perfectly fine
Please talk about the mean girl to nurse pipeline. So many of the mean girls in my high school are nurses now, and I have other friends who can say the same thing.
In my observation, means girls are usually incredibly unimaginative, and that extends to career choices. The mean girls who a still mean are usually nurses in their same small towns, while the ones who stopped being mean or the ones who weren’t very mean in the first place have more interesting employment or advanced degrees. Majority of people I know had to think a bit outside the box to pick and launch their careers. The mean-girl nurses (and a handful of other archetypes) just went to the nearest BSN program, passed the NCLEX, and got a job close to where they grew up
@@camcat26 Not disputing the pipeline - several examples from my high school too - but would question what's "unimaginative" about going into local nursing? Seems like your comment hits on a lot of the biases Tiffany discusses in the video
Not even Emily did a video on that some time ago!
Because you can get into the medical field without college. Just go to a trade school and become an LVN. Then become a nurse.
@@camcat26 what's wrong with being a nurse?
I get irregular updates on the girl who bullied me. She’s basically pushed anyone who was her friend away and out of her life. The common thread is her bad behavior towards them. And I can’t help but feel really sad for her. All she would have had to do is just value her friends and she would still have them. As for the other kids that bullied me they were really going through some tough times and while it doesn’t excuse their behavior. I still can’t help but feel bad for them. Most of the “popular” kids in my school were actually pretty chill and nice people.
nah i don't feel bad for the girls who bullied me at all.. yeah they had their own problems but so did i (and so does everyone) yet they chose to make my life hell and i never did that to anyone else. they don't deserve pity
I genuinely have no idea what happened with my class's 10-year reunion because it would've happened right at the beginning of the pandemic. I feel like I was given a get out of jail free card on that one.
It’s so weird to me being in my 20s and some of the people I know are already reminiscing about high school as golden years. My response is always. “The golden years are the years you’re in right now.” I had a great time in high school, but I definitely don’t look back on it like the best years of my life whatsoever. I have accomplished so much more and have found out so much more about myself and others in the past 10 years since I’ve been out of high school. Stay growing, never stop learning
I'd understand it concerning past friendships IMO.....
After a nice days out when the cats are cozied up on the couch with us my husband will say ‘I think these will be the good old days’ and he’s been doing that so long that it’s really made me realize that we’re always in the good old days, it’s just that they don’t have that nostalgia tint at the time.
@@thebeaside that’s such a beautiful sentiment. 🥹 sincerely wish the “good ol days” to last a lifetime for you both ✨
Agreed, but from the other side. One thing that REALLY stresses me, is how everyone around me would say "teenagehood is the happiest of your life. It's all downhill from there." Not just media -actual people. I grew up with so much violence, my brain literally went into stasis. For a physical example: After I moved out & finally lived alone for a year, I went into the zoo and saw animals. Before, it was always some wishywashy watercolour vision -but now it was like really realizing that "oh shit! that's a slowpoke!" A lot of people forget that teenagehood has 2 sides: Sure. On one side, you have the peak of least responsibilities + freedom. But on the other side, you're dependent and vulnerable. People don't care you get abused, because "idk just move out?" When you try to get help as a boy -"man up". When you try to get help as a girl (literal quote by the head of the psychatry back then) "Oh, you're not depressed. That's just your period. All teenage girls are sui''dal here and there." Ngl: I have still regularly breakdowns over my "missing past". It's NOT banal "checkpoints" like "oh bohoo I'm still a virgin, everyone thinks I'm a loser" -it's the complex emotional dev. you never got. Like "not knowing how to talk to guys" meaning _"I don't know how to approach guys, cause every man in my life has been tied to some type of violence. Including esp. my peers - (insecure) guys that threaten 'the weird girl' with violence for me just looking at them. Now I'm overwhelmed since I actually meet normal guys that don't immediately scream and some even 'suddenly' desiring me. All while, inside, I'm still a 13yo girl 'discovering' guys for the first time basically."_ It's like you feel a teenager, but also as a"single parent of a teenager". Though, as depressing as this sounds: That's kinda the glory. Yeah. I'm an adult. I legit have the means to raise me now. I can dress my room how I see fit. I can dress up how I want, I can decide over my own medical history, and if someone were to hit me now, they don't get detention -they get _jail_ . No "just move out" -you can get your parents arrested with a lawyer. I'm legit living my "second adolescence" rn. I decided I'm not fully "adult" till 25yo (I'm 21yo). I'm the best I've ever felt and probably doing the best I've ever did.
@@leroyjenkins1249 Sorry for the pain and hardships that may have happened in your past but I truly agree- being an adult and being the person to raise yourself how you know you need is so liberating. Making your home what makes you cozy and taking care of your mental health the way you need is such a boon in the aspect of being an adult. I really wish you happiness and peace in your adult years!
A guy who used to be very mean and bully me in highschool became a pastor. lol
Imao. I would go to his church and sit in the front row and glare. 😒
i have NO idea what people from high school are doing, especially my bullies, i cannot be bothered to care. I have sympathy for some of my bullies because I knew what their personal life was, but the majority of them just picked on me because i was fat and autistic. Someone had mentioned the planning of a 10 year reunion but it never came to fruition, but i don't think i would have gone regardless. I genuinely hope they're all doing well, but I have no interest in being a room with 90% of those people ever again, and i'm sure they feel that way about me
As someone who was bullied at an early age (and continued until the end of middle school) for being 'weird' (adhd lol) and subsequently ostracised (which caused years of trauma, social anxiety, and depression) I do sometimes hope the worst of my bullies aren't doing good and feel bad for not being a famous actress so I can gloat. But then I remember that these people already took so much from me and they don't deserve to be in my thoughts anymore. I don't wish them well, I don't wish them bad. I wish them nothing. They don't exist.
I agree. These people don't deserve to live rent free in your head.
I was hella depressed throughout most of high school and had some home problems. It got to the point where I wondered, “did I peak in middle school?” Nah. I’m in college now and doing a lot better. Turns out not living in a toxic environment makes a being flourish 🌿
O lord, I had a high school reunion once and it was the weirdest thing ever. My bullies greeted me with open arms and with this fake voice "omg we haven't seen each other in so long, how are you doing, bla bla" then everybody told in the round what they are up to and my bullies were like "yeah that job suits you so well, you always liked drawing so much" it all felt so fake. Later their true colors showed when they asked me why my friend didn't come. She was bullied the most, therefore she had no interest in coming. They then continued to talk bad about her until I said to stop this childish behaivor. I think I was the first person to leave the restaurant 😅 will never so this again. Highschool was awful and I love my life so much at 27. ♥️
My high school bullies: - one is in law school - another one is a high school teacher - my nemesis has moved to Scotland - the popular sporty guy died at 24 years old because he kept on doing sports while sick
There's a fun/awful inversion of this: the amazing people from back when whose lives went to shit. I know way way way too many who were unbelievably kind, intelligent, funny, what have you, and life just dragged them through the ringer. That'll never not hurt to see (and probably informs a lot of my own personal pessimism if im being honest with myself)
My mom always tells me I should go to my high school reunion whenever those big milestones come up. She actually thinks they’re great for the opposite reason the tropes seem to, she’s like “it’s great to meet the older versions of people you were acquainted with in high school. you realize even the mean girls were just girls like you.” I appreciate that mindset, and while I have my own internal biases that you highlighted in this video it’s helpful to keep in mind as those milestones come up. I just realized it’s been 7 years since I graduated high school…time is wild
Stalking people only because they were bulling/mean to you is at best cringe and at worse some hidden anxiousness that they will come back to your life or dominance syndrome.
From the distant age of 40-somethinghood, you have lots of peaks in life, not just one.
As someone who still hangs out with some of my high school friends regularly, i too dread a reunion. Because i already see everyone i might want to catch up with. I guess seeing some teachers would be nice, but many retired since then
I loved my high-school reunion, to my surprise. All of us kinda mellowed out after 15 years. I have a theory that we've all been humbled by life, I've realised we were all very annoying and now suddenly we had people skills, and only once in a while somebody would have a truly unhinged reaction, and you'd see the glimpse of than person from hs It was wild
If you don’t see the problem, you are too close to the mirror 😂
The "staying in your hometown" dig is so fascinating to me especially as someone who hasn't left their hometown and wouldn't consider myself someone who peaked in high school. I'm 27 and you'd be surprised how many people I went to high school with are still here, whether that's for economic reasons or staying close to family. I don't feel like that dig holds as much weight as it once used to when you realize almost all of us are still here a decade later.
Lmao seriously. Also 27 and going through a period of ephemeral jealousy re. people who stayed in my hometown. It was always my dream to live in NYC and and have a successful career there and blah blah blah. I guess I achieved that, but I’m fucking exhausted. I’m sick of shitty apartments, the cutthroat social scenes of NYC, and being away from my family. In high school I would have obnoxiously scoffed at the idea of staying near home and marrying a guy from my high school who became a cop or something lol. I think that would not have been the right choice for me, but I have no delusions that I’m living such a better life in NYC than the people who stuck around my hometown.
Yeah, exactly. There is SOOO much literal and figurative value in the networks you grew up in, especially in terps of child rearing. I get moving away for a while (I did it!) But there are amazing and positive reasons to come back home. Staying there, espscially if you want to start a familu, is to me a logical decision and not a sign of failure.
my favourite parody of this is the 30 Rock episode where Tina Fey's character who thought she was the "bullied nerd" was actually shown to be the meanest bully toward the "popular" students. Hilarious, absolutely recommend!
I had a horrific experience in high school, both academically and socially, and as dreadful as that was, I think it’s helped me in the long run. Not because it “built character” or whatever, but because my life seems so much better now by comparison. I’m a much more confident and socially competent person, I take better care of myself, and I have a degree with a good job. I can look back at who I was in high school, and be proud of the progress I’ve made. Most importantly, I have agency over my life. I’m in control. You don’t have that when you’re in school. You’re at the mercy of your classmates and teachers, and if they don’t treat you well, there’s really nothing you can do about it. Plus, if I’d been popular in high school, dated and partied a lot, it would dull the joy in those things as an adult. Because I saved those things for later on in life, they’re still exciting and fun for me. Overall, I’m happy with how I turned out. Edit: And thank you for showing Tucson some love in this video 🌵
I get you, i had such a bad experience that i literally blocked and ignored everyone. At school i felt so stuck with them now i am using all the agency i have to make sure i will never be in such position again
that's great to hear unfortunately for me being bullied in middle school has caused social anxiety and self-esteem issues into my adult years... definitely not always a "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" type of situation
I had an awesome 10 year HS reunion. It was only 1 person, I went on a date with him, we were in the same graduating class, and we're married 🙃
Best ever
Can you talk about the phenomena where middle class people tend to stay grounded where they grew up more than both poorer and wealthier people? In my personal experience I've noticed wealthier people tend to pick up and move around a lot, often they go to a flashy university far away, then move to another big city in a different part of the country that suits their vibe. I don't know how or why but I've seen working class people move to other states a lot. On the other hand, middle class people tend to go to a close by college that's usually the affordable and *practical* choice, then get a job in the area and pretty much get pinned down. (This kind of happened to me and I don't like it so maybe I'm just venting)
I went to a small private school and the girls I was around were awful (I felt like I didn't have many options and that was as good as it could get). I picked up on shitty habits and slowly started seeing myself as being a bully. A few years after leaving high school I apologized to the girl who was usually in the middle of it and she was so understanding. I'm so glad I've changed and become kinder to everyone around me. I hope to try and teach my children more on choosing friends wisely and not getting caught up in the high school drama.
As someone who grew up as a social outcast due to my social anxiety and shyness, the most obnoxious adults I know now are the ones who can't get over their inferiority complex from being "unpopular" in high school. They still whine about jocks and nerds and being "uncool", and project these insecurities onto their adult relationships. We are in our 30s. The framework of jocks and bullies no longer makes sense in your 30s. While I have a lot of sympathy for people who were bullied (I know this can have lasting impacts), someone dealing with this level of trauma needs to be focused on healing and ideally in therapy - not getting into conflicts with other adults they are jealous of.
Also, as someone who now works for Corporate America, I'm sorry to report that a lot of bullies did, in fact, grow up to be successful and continue to bully people who have less power and resources than them.
Exactly my thoughts!! Like you’re grown now, you should not be obsessing over your school past like this. Heal. It doesn’t matter how successful you perceive someone else to be either, their life is their life and your life is yours, stop comparing and complaining
What I hate about the reunions is having the same conversation over and over and over again. I would love to get to something substantial in the discussed but at a reunion it just...never happens.
I always found the whole idea that popular kids ending up as ‘losers ’ to be a bit ironic. Most of the time popular kids were popular because they had a solid support system, stable home life, a good financial situation, and enough self confidence and peer support to believe they could succeed. In other words; mostly everything you need in oder to be successful.
My mom goes to a "class reunion" multiple times per year. I graduated in 2010 and I will never attend one of mine. I did move back to my hometown and I was here when one was happening, I just didn't go. I never had close enough friendships in school in order to want to "catch up" with people.
It's funny, I wasn't the mean girl I was the bullied girl. I later married my highschool sweetheart, we moved away for school then had kids young, I'm a SAHM without an impressive resume and yet... my highschool bully posted recently on FB and to be honest, it was just heartbreaking. She is constantly seeking affirmation that she's still beautiful, still smart, she's had a slew of what appear to be abusive relationships, struggled with addictions. She does have a beautiful daughter. Seeing her recent post just made me feel so bad for her. It's not like I've got some incredible peaked-later-in-life story but I wish she had had an easier time of it. She was awful to me but I wish she was in a healthier happier place. Also stigma around not leaving your hometown is entirely different when your hometown becomes the newly discovered IT spot that your family has to move out of because it's impossible to afford anymore... some of us WISH we could move back but also don't love what it has become anymore as it's unrecognizable.
Lmao Austin? I swear it's not even the same city it was when I was in high school
@@mrggy Haven't been back post-pandemic but hopefully Austin's still at least a little weird 😅
@@mandisaw I haven't lived there since like 2014, so can't speak to the vibes, but I went back last summer for the first time since before the pandemic and just like, the physical landscape has changed so much. There are so many more skyscrapers in downtown it was just bewildering
@@mrggyno I'm in Canada. My hometown was "discovered" by folks in Toronto. Folks used to be excited for the jobs and money it would bring to our area... Didn't realize that meant we'd all soon be priced out and that it's now unrecognizable. My husband's family had lived there since before Canada was a country. It's a beautiful area.
@@hilarybeaumont8823 Gentrification, ladies & gentlemen 😅 Folks used to only talk about it as an "urban"/PoC problem, but of course, it's universal.
I wasn’t really bullied but, it would depend on the type of bullying. I experienced minor racism from classmates and teasing which I can forget about bcs I don’t care about them or their opinions that much. But, if my bullies were making my school life horrible emotionally or physically I would understand not forgiving them. The effects of severe bullying can last far beyond high school and wanting to get back at them a bit or wanting no further contact with them is also understandable.
I think so much of this for me is not about the popular kids being “hot and physically attractive” but more like they literally peaked young, aka developed physically and therefore sexually maybe around 13,14,15 and their hormones/genes are such that they looked their best, most young adult selves at 17-18-19. While the losers are often kids that just naturally go through puberty more roughly or later or maybe have more baby weight and their hormones balance out at or after 20, so their “best selves” is mid to late 20s. I find this the most true in my life experience. I think where you live and what you do for work is changing so much with our generation that that’s not really as big of a benchmark anymore.
as someone in college rn i frequently joke that I peaked in high school bc i was generally a better student and more active in student organizations and leadership, meanwhile in college i feel like i'm spiraling out because i transferred to the same state school everyone from my hs goes to but i can't really find a solid support system here
Nah, that's called "the Wall" 😅 Normal reaction to what amounts to a forced-growth stage, academically & socially. You can try reaching out to your major-dept, and/or your campus' learning/tutoring center for academic support, study skills, time mgmt tips, etc. For the social side, it's up to you - do you want to focus on the folks from your town? Or maybe find new friends based on new interests? For the former, you could start a study group for other hometown classmates. For the latter, pick an interesting club and go check it out. Just watch out for cults - for whatever reason, quasireligious orgs & MLMs recruit a lot on college campuses. Don't join a club that does really expensive activities either, unless/until you're sure you want to hang with those folks. Have fun - it'll take a bit to get a system that works for you, but you'll find it 👍
Mood
bc im newly nb/trans, my life just started like 3 years ago and im 33. so i can't imagine having peaked when i wasn't even myself.
This is important, a lot of people who are LGBT don't get to fully be themselves in high school and don't really start "living" until years after.
Here's to life getting better and better! 🥂
Highschool was genuinely some of the worst times of my life, I was going through loss and homelessness and all kinds of crazy shit a child shouldn’t have had to deal with on top of schoolwork. Because of that I wasn’t my best self in highschool so I always try to offer people the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t just the same person they were back then. I’m not, and I’d hate for someone to assume that I was, so why do that to others
The reddit comments are really bitter. The resentment makes sense when you think about the type of demographic who will respond/post regularly on reddit.
I was thinking the same thing. Reddit always seems to have a surplus of smug people. Sometimes you have to wonder if people took notes from the people who bullied them.
that's a really good point. that's the biggest thing i wish more people would keep in mind about reddit in general or just online forums in general. i think it's healthy to consider representation bias and who's gonna want to respond to posts like "how's your bully doing?" or "what's your opinion on this thing?". i find myself falling into a doomer mindset if i read too much career advice on reddit until i remind myself that the only people who come across those kinds of boards are most likely having a terrible time and have only terrible things to say
I avoid reddit like the plague. Everyone on there sucks
I dunno it's reddit bro. Everyone on that site are bitter 😂
@@Gruesome420that last sentence! I’ve been bullied by so many “outcasts” and they feel so justified in their bullying because of their outcast status. So much so that they don’t see themselves as bullies. as someone who was never popular, faced my fair share of bullying, and generally minded my own business, it surprises me that people have treated me as extensions of people who hurt them.
I had such horrific social anxiety in high school because I had been in classes with the same people since I was like six. My own anxiety always held me back from being who I wanted to be in high school and I look back and as much as I am not where I would like to be, I’m happy I can look back and see that I have progressed in ways I didn’t think I would.
I'm French and we don't really have this "peaked in high school" mentality because our school culture is so different. I've always consumed a lot of American media when I was younger and even though I was envious of some aspects, like going to prom, having clubs, the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football, etc., I've also wondered how socially difficult it can be for your average high schooler. We don't really have cliques, just different groups of friends. I don't think popularity is even a thing, at least from what I experienced. And obviously, no class reunion because who cares? If you want to keep in touch, you do you. However, I feel like the "mean girl" is a universal concept. You always have that group of people who think they are better than everyone else and who make everyone's life harder. For me, it happened in middle school and they were not the richest kids (at least, not all of them) and they were definitely not the smartest (compensating for something or lack thereof, right?). Today, I never think about the people I went to school with, unless they are still in my life. Why bother, right?
There was recently a reunion for my primary school class (they contacted my sister because I don't have social media) and I decided against going because like.. even "So what do you do now?" is a hard question to answer when you're disabled, and I didn't feel like explaining my life to my former bullies and bystanders, no matter how much they might've grown. I don't keep in touch with these people for a reason.
Real. I’m disabled as a young adult and the idea of dealing with ableism from people I never even cared about means that I will not be going to my high school reunion. There’s no reason to put myself through that.
i’m in college and can already tell you i will not be attending a high school reunion at any point in the future, near or far.
you make lots of valid points here. we often assume that popular people, especially women, are mean yet confident and attractive, whereas unattractive, dorky or nerdy teens aren't mean. the truth is, when I got to know some people better, lots of popular ones were actually quite nice. They were popular and well liked because they were nice. Some of them did well later on in life, some of them didn't. I've reached a point in my life when I realised their lives being successful or not doesn't really change anything for me, so why should I wish them bad?
I feel like I peaked in secondary, but in the grades sense. I'd hate to go to a reunion now because some people really can't let go of petty drama that started at age 15
The popular kids didn’t bully me, except a few here & there, but it was my “closest friends” who traumatized me & bullied me by being the worst type of friends you can imagine. I check in on them hoping they’ve grown & changed, only to see they’ve continued the way they’ve always been. Some of the popular kids are mean now, some of the “loser” kids are mean now. It is what it is.
that's true, especially as a young girl oftentimes the people that are the most manipulative and toxic towards you are your own friends. i struggled with that in middle school and unfortunately its caused me to have trust issues and difficulty making friends as an adult
Of my high school graduating class of around 250, I think 7-10 went to the 10 year reunion. Pretty much none of us had any desire to go. Especially considering it was one of the main members of the "popular crowd" who was organizing it and they're very out of touch with what many of us would have preferred.
Tbh, the nerds and outcasts were bigger bullies than the popular kids. I dealt with the most racism from them too
Like it was another whole bucket of crabs Like my fellow nerds at my school were just all like the most bitter and irritating people ever
I graduated high school in 2000, and I am 42 years old now. I do not even think about people I went to high school with to be frank. I have not attended a high school reunion, nor am I inclined to do so. I have just moved on with my life a long time ago and I have better things to put my time into. I wish them all the best.
I was very much bullied in middle school. Not just by peers but by professors as well. They made fun of me, calling me stupid and telling me I will never achieve anything in life. That pushed me trough life to achieve something in my life. They told me I won’t get into college. I got a masters degree and was one of the top students. I also have a successful career and I moved out of my home town as soon as I could. I don’t really care what my bullies are doing, I am glad my professors who bullied me were quite shocked and embarrassed when my mom told them where I am now. I hope that teachers them a lesson to never say such horrible things to future students. It left a huge scar on me that I’m still working on in therapy. I suffer from lack of self esteem, I always doubt myself and I rarely think I deserve something I achieved.
I hope all the people who were assholes in high school have gotten a chance to grow and mature, and have really reflected on their actions and who they were. I would hate to think that they’re just as awful and insecure as they were at 16 and are still continuing to hurt the people around them. Just remember that anyone who was hurt by someone doesn’t own them any grace, but we also don’t have to wish ruin on them. We can wish them to become better people AND that we never have to interact with them again
I'm 29 and from Austria. The thing that really bothers me about the "never left town & started a family young"-Life is how little thought most people put into it. Some of my friends who spent years becoming people and then actually put thought and evaluation into their future plans, are now young parents and it's actually beautiful to see them as parents, I see them manage and I see them struggle but they love doing it and they are honest and open about parenthood. Meanwhile I hear stories from my cousins, my friend's neighbours and relatives where people are just messed up. Broken relationships, cheating, absolute financial dependence, open disrespect for each other, screaming at their kids, debt, loneliness. And these are the people who just straight up went for the common lifestyle without ever stopping to think about the alternatives or if they actually truly want all of this from their own heart or just because everyone else has it. And now they do nothing but complain about everything, as if it wasn't all of their choices (or lack thereof) that led them there. 30 years on auto pilot and now everyone else is to blame.
"not leaving the home town" is only really a problem in the literal sense. I've met plenty of people who still live in their home town and went to college
This is the nuance the conversation needs.
To the point, I’ve always had conflicting views on this subject. Like pop culture made me think that I HAD to glow up, be successful, and do all of that for outward approval of the people I grew up around. But reality was totally different. The popular kids were mean, but not any meaner than the rest of us. They stayed pretty, because genetics helped. The rich kids were rich because of generational wealth, and the ones that acted rich were because of credit card debt their families felt they had to get into. My town was a minority town of immigrant families, and it was small and underfunded. Of course the majority of the kids there stayed, there was nowhere else to go if you didnt have the resources and education, or you had to stay to support your family. I was one of the few that left the area altogether, and even I’m not thriving and succeeding as well as I’d hoped because (surprise) of ✨capitalism✨ currently screwing with my industry. It’s weird to say, but I think those high school reunion movies are a product of privilege.
Something that remains crazy to me is that the hobbies and interests that made me a target for bullies is now cool, now the bullies are also into the same things they taunted me for, which is just hella ironic and does still leave me a little bit bitter ngl. It shouldnt matter now that im grown, but shit if you realized anime and kpop was cool a long time ago maybe it couldve saved me some trauma ya dingus.
I personally peaked in Highschool and I was not a mean girl - just somewhat popular and had a big friend group. The friend group went separate ways over time and I ended up not making the best decisions for myself career- and relationship-wise: I’m currently still working on my 2nd bachelor, not married with kids and gained >30 kg since I graduated. So I absolutely dreaded going to our 10-year reunion last year knowing most people already had stable careers and families and looked the same they did a decade ago. I was hella anxious since two of my closest friends were not coming - one got sick and and another just had a baby. It did turn out alright, though. I caught up with many people, some of who I wasn’t even friends with back then and it was a decent night. I think we make this thing bigger than it is. For sure, because right afterwards I went to my parents’ 40-year reunion that happened to be the same day at another location. Here, it was a whole different vibe, a lot more relaxed. So many women were divorced but thriving, some openly talked about having depression and they fondly remembered people who had died since. I‘m now kinda looking forward to my 40-year reunion.
Jokes on you I was homeschooled during my teen years so I have dodged this highschool hierarchy and just became the strange artsy adult that keeps to myself. Lol.
I feel like, as someone who was bullied a lot as a kid, I think it’s super weird to be hung up on who was or wasn’t popular when we were all minors. In fact, often times, it turns out the people at the source of these resentments didn’t do anything wrong. They just existed and the other person felt insecure. Not every pretty girl was Regina George. Not every handsome boy was a 1980s jock bully. In fact, a lot of bullies were also having a hard time and being bullied. Many who think they were underdogs were also bullies. You don’t know what kids are going home to, anyway. I just can’t imagine hoping someone I knew only as a child suffered because they weren’t nice to me when we were both kids. It’s… odd. I think it’s so weird to be fixated on high school (or even younger). You can become the person who peaked by simply never moving on from revenge fantasies and resentment, and peaking at a low point is sadder than peaking at a high point. The people who bullied me were kids. Who cares? I’m an adult and it’s been years. I’ve had ups and downs and I sure they have, too. It would be unhinged to worry about what they’re doing or to judge them. Honestly, I don’t know what they’re doing. I can’t remember everyone’s names and I haven’t kept up at all. I barely know what my own friends are doing, honestly. I haven’t even talked to many of my own relatives in months. So, imagine keeping up with this!
Thank you for pointing out how relishing in someone else’s misery says a lot about your character. Bullies are awful but a lot of them grew up with bad parents and a bad home life.
I literally didn’t even entertain the thought of going to my 10 year. I was still so busy establishing my career and working I didn’t feel the need to give my time to people who I know haven’t thought of me in at least a decade
the idea of life peaking in high school is so wild if u think about it. u have no freedom cuz ur a child living with ur parents, u cant do any of the really cool adult things yet, u have no money to do those things too really, ur way more limited in who u can talk to, everyone is v insecure bc ur going through puberty, everyones learning how to act so its a shitshow, etc. like fr trying to sell the idea thats better than being an adult and travelling alone, going to festivals/tons of shows, no one telling me when i have to be home, and building my life in whatever direction i want? crazzyyyyyyyyyy
High school is a bit different in my country, basically we spend the first 7 years in the same class in primary school, then things get mixed up where typically several primary schools pool into a larger secondary school, and classes get mixed together (in my case there were three primary schools' classes that got mixed and matched into 4 secondary classes at one larger secondary school). You have a lot more class consistency in your first 10 years of schooling and a lot more of the hiearchy stuff happens in those years (though we don't really have the kind of groupings presented in american media, there is social hierachy for sure, but not as clear cut as jock/nerd/etc.). By the time we reach high school age (16-19 here) we tend to spread out more, as high shcools are more specialized in various career/academic paths (basically you're either headed for a specific trade or you're doing study prep for higher education) so class dynamics are a lot different, especially if you are not following the general study prep path. I have no idea if any reunion wound up taking place for my (pre-high school) class, I heard some buzz about it at the 10 year mark, but decided I wasn't going to go (not gonna shell out money to hang out with people I really wouldn't like to run into ever again) and not heard anything more. No idea if it ever took place, and I heard nothing at neither the 15 nor 20 year mark, next year would mark 25 years, so we'll see. But still, I have no desire to go. I can't say I care which way it went for my former bullies. Even if I was given the opportunity to find out, I just wouldn't even want to know. It will do me nothing good to compare my life to theirs. And I can't say I'm invested in wishing bad things on people (at least not anymore - freshly injured me had some dark revenge fantasies, but a few years into proper adulthood allowed me to let those go and just let it fade into indifference - they're not a part of my life anymore, so they should have no lingering power over my happiness). I hope they grew to treat people better, for the sake of the people actually in their life. If they are parents, I hope they are good parents for the sake of their kids. If they have partners, I hope for the sake of their partners that they treat them well. But whatever they are now or not, it changes nothing about my life nor my history with them. So I just prefer to distance my current self and current life from them.
My reunion is this year. It’s actually a belated reunion because of Covid but we are merging with the class after us. I am proud to say I will be out of town that weekend.
For a generation that places so much social emphasis on growing from childhood trauma, we have almost 0 sympathy for what childhood bullies must have gone through, or why they behaved the way that they did. I hope anyone that commented on my weight and disabilities is finding peace, and in a place where they are given kindness and the space to give it back. Obviously it was something they weren’t familiar with, I’m not gonna waste my life hoping they never learn, or “get what’s coming to them”
yeah, most of the people who were really, memorably awful that I can recall had kinda shit home lives. I mean some kids are just mean, but a lot of the time they learned by example. Some of them I just feel sorry for now, hearing how things turned out for them after school
It’s okay for victims to not be invested in the success of their bullies
It’s also okay to feel the anger that they feel towards them as long as it doesn’t turn into and obsession and most of the time it doesn’t.
This. And a lot of times, those situations that led them to act out and belittle other people are the very situations that caused them to struggle later in life. I was bullied all throughout school and had a shit home life on top of it, but I recognize that a lot of us were going through the same things. We all handled it differently, some in more unhealthy ways than others. Obviously it's not okay to act that way, but it's important to check in on those kids too. They aren't all just privileged assholes with nothing better to do.
@@illhurtu5866 Totally agree. Knowing that someone bullied me because they probably had it hard themselves doesn't make it any better for me. I still get to be upset that for years they made my life unpleasant and that some of the things they said/did still have effect on me 10 years later.
I feel like everyone on high school grows and changes there is no such thing as popular kids just becomes loser’s. Everyone’s journey is different. It’s important to know because a lot of people in my high school reconnected after a classmate committed suicide 5 years after we graduated and later when another classmate died. I think that’s part of why I cannot really process being so concerned with peeking after high school
I've met mean, popular ppl in who are still mean & now ppl see through it. That's the only healthy kernel in it-Seeing your community reject meanness. Anything beyond that gets into missing the point really quick
One very important part of growing up for me was realising that my bully's were children too and that clinging to hatred was only going to hurt me. That doesn't change what happened to me, it won't make my trauma disappear, I will never be friends with them if we ever meet again but I don't have to carry that pain with me anymore.
My dad was the guy who peaked in high school, star of the football team, homecoming king, popular with the girls. And he has had no accomplishments since. I think all of the concussions from football did him in. 😂 He isn’t the worst guy in the world, (Not an Alcoholic or druggie) but my mom carried our family and was completely overwhelmed doing everything (Working full time, all the housework, and all the finances) He doesn’t have much respect from me or my sister
I personally don't see why hustling in a big city is the only way to be 'accomplished'. You can lead a fabulous life in a small town, if that's for you. Housing is affordable, lower cost of living means you don't have to work as hard to survive. There is more space. Communities tend to be more tight knit. Small town life can be a fantastic life if it's right for you. My life currently is in between. I own a home in a more affordable suburb of a very expensive city (Sydney). I work locally and don't often need to leave the bubble of my local area. So in some ways, its similar to a small town life. I know that our society values money as shorthand for success. But I have retrained to value more how a life feels vs how it looks from the outside. Yes, we all need money to survive but success can mean different things for different people.
this is too perfectly timed!!! last week, i got added to a facebook group chat for my 10 year reunion and i am having a TIME trying to decide if i want to go 😭
In my experience, the popular kids from high school were largely nice, hard working, and most importantly pretty well off whereas the bullied kids were disabled mentally or physically and/or poor. Their SES is important because this means, in general, I’ve observed that the high school popular kids are doing really well. They went to college, maybe grad school, are in well paying jobs. This isn’t to say they are happy and thriving, but you know what i mean. Not living paycheck to paycheck is pretty good these days. I think of the kids who were bullied and they’re not doing well. Stuck in dead end retail, struggling to pay the bills…
The classic 1980s/1990s/ movie stereotypes of popular kids proving their popularity by picking on nerds really screwed me up growing up because whenever anyone made fun of me or bullied me, I automatically assumed they must be popular - because those movies reinforced that image into me. It wasn't until sometime In high school I actually realized that the bullies tended not to be the popular kids, but burnouts who trashed others so they wouldn't feel so bad about themselves. Maybe it's just me, but in my high school, the really popular kids were by and large very nice people. I had multiple classes with the high school quarterback and the homecoming queen and the homecoming king and .... yeah, all very nice people. The bullies were the ones with issues. (To be fair, this last paragraph possibly says more about my graduating class than the way it always or often works). But man - that movie stereotype made me feel even lonelier and more isolated adn more inadequate than I otherwise would've felt.
I had an *intense* need to stay connected with my friends from a high school church group, because 15 year old autistic me concluded this group was the only place I could make friends. Even with social media, a lot of us drifted away. I did get comments from other alumni in the group that I had a "peaked in high school type vibe", people telling me to move on, especially as I had been terrible towards other people in that group. What tickles me is the church nominally has a college aged/young adults group, we even had a few retreats, but it's not been consistent like other parts of the church. But my experience doesn't match the tropes, and they weren't helpful to me. (I mean, I graduated from college, my hometown is a major city with lots of jobs) The popular kids were nice and they are farther along in their careers than me. I feel horrible for being stuck in a dead end job. Turns out I was traumatized by the separation, and it took a lot of therapy work to separate the spiritual from the social, and from there, figure out what my needs were and how I could actually meet them. Figured out the difference between the group vs the friends I still have from there. Figured out what anxious attachment and limerence is. Am joining other witchy and buddhist groups. Have realized I have a lot of social anxiety over joining new social groups, and I somehow forgot I was just as anxious in my church when I was a pre-teen. The bullies from my actual high school apologized to me a year or two after graduation. We all had a good time at our reunion.
I would never show up for a reunion. I was bullied to a degree that it affected me well into adulthood. I was the one suffering with eating disorders, self hatred and fear of getting into the world, thinking I would be hated and hurt. So I'll stay away. I spend my school years bring told to be gracefull to those that tortured me everyday. "There's probably problems in the home", "Just show them you dont care" etc., from the adults! I was also physically subjected to various forms of attack so no, it's NOT my job to offer them anymore grace. It is not my job to say "Oh but I forgive you". I could of course say "I dont give a s*** if you f**cked up your life after school" or "I font actually think about or care about your well being" - nut I dont want to stoob to that level. Howe er, I am sick of always hearing how bad we're all supposed to feel for bullies. I went to therapy and it's made a lot of dufference; Nut those bullies scared many years of my life, with the aid of un-bothered adults. Could we posdibly try to aknowlddgenot obmy anecdotal but also peer reviewed scientific studiesabout the consequences of bullying - for the victims? In-stead of asning those who already took the abuse to once again extend grace? It's enough. I am btw.teaching my 5 year old to stand hard for herself. I will not punish her, if she sets a bully in place. She's a happy, well adjusted kid and I will not let someone put out the light in her with bullying. Because that's what bullying does; It kill's your inner light.
I'm 32, and I don't feel like I've peaked yet. I feel like life is getting better and better. I've had a ton of setbacks and struggles to get where I am. I feel so much healthier than I ever have.
I made a pact with my best friend in high school: we would only attend our reunion(s) if we ever lost touch with one another. Fast forward many years later, and though we're no longer as close as we used to be, we're still good friends who keep in regular contact. Thank goodness, because we both have 0 desire to reconnect with most of the people who would be most likely to attend.
Funnily enough, looking back to HS I experienced more mature relational dynamics, for the most part, than post HS. Comparison based social media came out around the time I left HS. I wonder if it stunted humanity psychologically. Maybe I was lucky to be at a more chill HS, maybe I was oblivious to bs that went on without me knowing - but it definitely seemed like people were more willing to meet me halfway in the exchange of relationships back in HS. After HS, I've had to deal with so many difficult people who didn't understand how reciprocity works.