Trump's Nuclear Plan: It's Funny Because Nothing Matters Anymore
By firing all of Obama's appointees to the Nuclear Security Administration, President-Elect Trump is plunging the country into ever-deeper realms of uncertainty.
Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel HERE: bit.ly/ColbertKZhead
For more content from "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert", click HERE: bit.ly/1AKISnR
Watch full episodes of "The Late Show" HERE: bit.ly/1Puei40
Like "The Late Show" on Facebook HERE: on.fb.me/1df139Y
Follow "The Late Show" on Twitter HERE: bit.ly/1dMzZzG
Follow "The Late Show" on Google+ HERE: bit.ly/1JlGgzw
Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram HERE: bit.ly/29wfREj
Follow "The Late Show" on Tumblr HERE: bit.ly/29DVvtR
Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
Get the CBS app for iPhone & iPad! Click HERE: bit.ly/12rLxge
Get new episodes of shows you love across devices the next day, stream live TV, and watch full seasons of CBS fan favorites anytime, anywhere with CBS All Access. Try it free! bit.ly/1OQA29B
---
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
It's almost official. Welcome to the era of President Putin and First Lady Donald Trump.
Sounds good.
McCarthyite fear mongering.
hislord1 Those are the democrats
Mitchell Maytorena Lolololol
MexiDan Democrats and Republicans are two sides of the same coin, they are imperialists, support American hegemony, support American aggression and vehemently racist. They are not immune to McCarthyism.
When the officials in charge of nukes tell us we are fucked - WE ARE FUCKED
Liyah U LOL
You're way beyond fucked.
Liyah U so in the meantime whos giving the orders?
Sunny Mehta That would be the problem- no one has the authority to give those orders now. Hurrah for what would be considered business suicide if this was a company
Nicholas Schlosser But thats bad because if we dont have access to our nukes then thats an open door for countries like north korea to attack us or our allies
Just sayin' I'm a republican, and I still find Colbert hilarious. I'm totally addicted to his Trump monologues.
Leanne M Yes, and I used to think the kardassians was the worst reality show. I could keep up with them....................... not with first lady donald.
I like you. Keep being you. It's hard to have proper discussions with Americans nowadays lol
+BonDieu617 well thank you. I don't mind being disagreed with. Besides, comment sections of the Internet are not the places to change people's minds. I wish people would stop fighting on the internet, honestly.
Thats a pretty big vision you have there
Yeah because Trump isn't republican lmao
I only hope the nuclear codes are longer than 140 characters.
It may save us all! :-P
trump wont do any nuclear armgeddon . it can only be pakistan ,definitely india must nuke pakistan
Trump likes money more than anything and blowing people up is bad for buisness
Sooooo true
That would be an absurd level of security
This isn't even comedy. This is just a person making perfect sense for 11minutes and 37 seconds.
it's actually 11 minutes and 38 seconds
mine is 11 min and 37 seconds
F- tech nice profile pic👍
mine is 11:37...how does that extra second feel? What did I miss?
We're just harkening back to more classical meanings of the word, "comedy".
I think I just fell down the rabbit hole... is this shit really happening?
Geoff Ozzy The Government must be slipping drugs in our water, this many idiots
Online Gamer313 It's just...surreal. I don't know how else to put it
Online Gamer313 it's called fluoride.
Yep welcome to the club meetings on Friday.
Geoff Ozzy That is how we've felt since the night of November 8th.
At least Sessions denounced the KKK with stronger words than Trump ever has...
He wants a job. Past actions speak louder than words. Do not believe him or be a sucker.
Blob Loblaw he read that statement very carefully. His unprompted comments in the past are more likely to be true than his scripted statements today.
I'm not making a case for the validity of his statements. I'm just saying, he actually uses some clear and strong language, whereas Trump tends to just pussyfoot around the subject. I would like to see Trump make such a speech condemning the hate groups that support him, even if it is scripted, and even if he doesn't mean it.
Why would he do such a thing? He's Donald Trump, he just throws his shit at the wall and sees what sticks and runs with it, to bad for him the racism was very popular, now he can't outright denounce it.
So. With words?
I'm 14 and now have to deal with the fact that my nation damned me for 4 years
yeh
Cosmic Titan boo hoo hoo
Cosmic Titan at least you can vote him out of office
Cosmic Titan I had just turned 16 when Bush was elected in 2000. Its a horrible feeling, hopefully trump will be impeached soon. Thank god for Colbert.
Cosmic Titan BUT WE CAN VOTE NEXT ELECTION I REFUSE TO LET HIM WIN
This is the funniest thing ever! Obama is the first black president while Trump is the first Black Mailed president lmao.
all your presidents have been blackmailed
Trump is also the first orange president. lol
RemixedVoice: Tomato... tomata,.. If a full black man from the hood became president, you'll be complaining that he is not black African; and if someone from Africa became president like Nelson Mandela, you'll be complaining that is South Africa not real black Africa.
you believe that buzzfeed article? yknow it was the boys at 4chan right? lmao you idiots fall for anything that satiates your confirmation bias!
+Reggie Hammond 4chan can't fool intelligence professionals. lol You guys are going back to "pizzagate" levels of insanity.
There should really be restraints on how much damage one man can do.
Aron en Ark not one one party controls every branch
The exception being dinner at Nando's.
Aron en Ark They do. The president can't actually do shit. Different puppets, same puppet masters holding the strings
perhaps due to this there will be something created on that....they really aren't aware how dangerous this guy is...not only to their country but all their allies are starting to question this and all the citizens of ally countries will start forcing their governments to back away soon too....this is a catastrophe for usa....with potentially no allies eventually, that will be the end of usa's reign over the world...I wonder what will blossom after that...
RemixedVoice well goldman and sachs and Rex Tillerson are in the team already so no need to hold strings in the darkness.
I've never been so scared of a US president. And I live in Germany. I still can't believe he will be the president soon.. surreal.
It wouldn't be a bad idea to start collecting bottle caps...
way too late now o.o
Garth Brayton umm... sorry to say, but another settlement needs our help.
Patrolling the Mohave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
No way man, I'm going to a casino grand opening! I hear they've got some new hologram technology! kzhead.info/sun/hctmnMpwmGiunGg/bejne.html
Trump has made a massive boost to US comedy even before he takes over.
The trouble is it's not funny anymore. We've got some dark years ahead of us.
Agreed Maybe not so funny if you live in the Usa. But for the rest of the world its great. Sorry
When was the prospect of Trump presidency funny?
Pikkabuu Its just when he speaks lol He is as mad as a box of frogs. I suppose it would not be funny if I was from the USA. I love how people think he is a man of the people but he has more bling than Saddam Hussein. All the Best
In reality, it isn't funny at all. But I am still laughing hysterically because I have clearly snapped from over exposure to Trump and his ridiculous band of retarded fans and have totally lost the will to live.
CBS... for the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE keep Stephen on the air through these next 4 atrocious years. We'll need him to point out the daily bullshit from the Trump administration, and more importantly for a laugh now and then.
So long as CBS keeps Stephen Colbert and NBC keeps Seth Meyers, I'm good.
nenafan1 Trump is gonna take it down
nenafan1 Also watch The Resistance with Keith Olbermann
His getting fired
Rich Savage yeah cuz he's head of the network, right?
With Nuclear Armageddon around the corner, I need Colbert to make me laugh.
unanimous 300 Don't worry, Hillary didnt get elected, we won't die from nuclear winter :)
RemixedVoice - Neither did crooked Donald Trump. Hillary received almost three-million more votes than Trump. With the crooked Trump in the WH, we have plenty to fear. But, first he's going to embarrass the hell out of us.
Read it slowly Only the President can direct the use of nuclear weapons by U.S. armed forces, including the Single Integrated Operational Plan (SIOP). While the President does have unilateral authority as commander-in-chief to order that nuclear weapons be used for any reason at any time, the actual procedures and technical systems in place for authorizing the execution of a launch order requires a secondary confirmation under a two-man rule, as the President's order is subject to secondary confirmation by the Secretary of Defense. If the Secretary of Defense does not concur, then the President may in his sole discretion fire the Secretary. The Secretary of Defense has legal authority to approve the order, but cannot veto it.[1][2][3] The Secretary of Defense succession plan designates numerous individuals that may serve after a President removes his or her predecessor.[4] Traditionally, a civilian United States officer must countersign a Presidential order or resign
one should force saudis and pakistanis and afghans to be civil and adopt the full westernisation.
also westernization without any exception
I'm so proud of Stephen Colbert for finally embracing the void.
transformersloverjon Yes. He's a sycophant.
@@IceColdProfessional no, he's not.
*Tiffany Trump Selected to Head National Nuclear Security Administration.* _New York, NY (Associated Press) January 11, 2017._ In a wholly unexpected move by President-elect Donald Trump, the incoming president appointed his 23-year-old socialite daughter Tiffany to be in charge of America’s powerful nuclear arsenal. Ms. Trump was reportedly unaware that she was even under consideration for the post, as she was apparently "in shock" when texted the news by her father while she was getting a mani/pedi at an upscale New York City day spa. Concerns are being raised by several members of Congress, as it was leaked that soon after receiving the news, Ms. Trump was seen Googling “What does nuclear mean?” When asked by the AP to comment, Ms. Trump said, “I’m super excited daddy has given me this opportunity - and it’s my first job ever! I had just applied yesterday to be a hostess at Tavern on the Green, but this pays way better. I'm super psyched!” She later added, “I hope everyone will be way supportive of me... oh, and please follow me on Instagram.” The AP has been unable to find anything in Ms. Trump’s background that would even remotely qualify her for the job, though she does have an Instagram post from a July 4th fireworks display in which she remarked, “I love explosions!” Ms. Trump is expected to sail through confirmation hearings in the Republican-controlled Senate. When asked for comment on the matter, Russian President Vladimir Putin said (through a Kremlin translator), “Wait… what?” _Story developing…_
As funny as this is, it's a sad commentary on the state of America that I'm only 50% certain this is a joke.
I knew it must be fake when it said the move was "unexpected." I would totally expect this from him.
fidorover great post
Kim Jong Un, feeling the competition, is now announcing the appointment of his pet kangaroo for the same position.
I thought this was real for way too long.
11:10 he points out the fuzzy hand cuffs but not the lube and double ended "carrots"
the double sided carrot dildo was my favorite touch
CouchPotatoCNPB +ten more to that.
I feel like he did that deliberately, maybe it was too racy but he got the camera to do a close up regardless haha.
Thank goodness Steven is still here, I'll be sad when the government inevitably takes him away for speaking against our lord and master.
Idk y but I'm binge watching these monologues lol
So we need more nukes but let's fire the guys in charge of them? Gotcha.
MaserXIV yes, but do you want Obama's appointment people to guard the nukes ofc not, they are all so tremendously stupid ! xD nukes are safer when they are left alone until he finds smart people to guar them someday ;)
Marius Tomas He will have a extremist guard the nukes
They seemed to have been fine for the past 8 years.
Marius Tomas Key word is Guard.Am I really talking to someone who still blames Obama and clinton to suggest trump is still good?Mate your fucked end of dont worry about the email or benghazi or iran or the russian hacking you have Trump in charge thats worse enough and if you cant see whats wrong with that then there is no hope for you.
\Matrix/ i was being sarcastic :) I am all the way on Obama's side and still think that Trump is very very unsuitable president as much as many would wish him to be.
It's as impossible to overrate Meryl Streep as a fabulous actress as it is to overrate trump as a perilously dumb narcissist.
heres how dumb the both of you are...thats the work of 4chan trolls...lmao you idiots are so desperate...youve been getting shitted on repeatedly and your all out of ammo
But others didn't join in afterwards. Like a Joe McCarthy era.
Chaise Latterly what?
+Reggie “Batman” Hammond dude stop trolling me. what did i say to you. weirdo. that is definitely not u in the pic. no way are u that handsome loser
Do you mean previously dumb narcissist who just left White House ?
Omg yas someone like colbert comes out and says what we were all thinking. By we, I mean rational people who arent idiots.
Nothing matters anymore will be my mantra for the next 4 years.
Last year, I thought Mad Max: Fury Road was a great action movie with incredible stunts and practical effects. Now I realize that it's a chilling prophecy of our inevitable doom.
from somalia, stephen colbert i'm your fan.
Josh Uddin that was random and unnecessary.. FUCK OFF
Nah hes right Somalia is a Corrupt backward shithole its a fact and yeah we are mostly crazy and deranged cant refute that either so? Like what does that matter? The whole world is a crazy ass fucked up Place to be in.
Makes me think of Dr. Stranglove: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
Stephan Colbert, thank you for making a mention of the trail of tears. It is still something that needs to be addressed along with many others by the US government.
I love Stephen's personality!! He's honestly the best!
The only good thing about a Trump presidency is that we get to hear Colbert make jokes about him for the next four years.
"trying to keep it light before the world ends"
The graphics department for this show deserves some sort or award, they put in so many small jokes that go unnoticed. Who else saw the double ended carrot on the bedside table at 11:16?
joking aside, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
Dear Mr. Colbert, If art is what immortalizes men, then you have already achieved it. Your shows and appearances will never grow old because of the level of how awesome they are.
Will we have to simplify the nuclear codes so that Donald Drumph can use them ? Something like 1-2-3,,,
Bryan Taylor password
Bryan Taylor amazing, I've got the same combination on my luggage.
lmao
At one point the codes were just 8 zeros so we could use that.
Come on Eric Cigler,,, Don't post insults and then delete them. Be a big boy and say what's on your mind.
Love the carrots on the table in the closeup. Tied top to top, subtle and genius.
Trump music sounds a bit like Schroeder from Peanuts finally resolving to just.. make Lucy disappear.
In the immortal words of Brenda from Scary Movie 2: "We gon die y'all"
Stephen makes diving motion. "Fly away!" WTF?!
Even the Canadians are scared
Silverwolfrock lol
Silverwolfrock when have the Canadians not been scared? Although I would be too with Trudeau running the pageant.
I'd rather have Trudeau running the pageant than Grabby-Hand in Chief. Not everyone likes getting fucked without their consent.
*You’re* scared?? My country is actually fucked. Please send help.
joe Doe dyin over here
Trump is the Manchurian candidate!!!! Now lets watch the insults begin
Major Kong shit troll 2/10
Oh please! The Manchurian candidate was brainwashed! You can't brainwash a person who has no brain! (Not one that works anyway.)
I'm genuinely scared everyone.
Trump was such a bad actor in Home Alone he blew his only line: "Down the hall and to the right." (points to the left)
That's a mis-hearing; he says: "Down the hall and to the left." Better he's left out: President Trump Reacts to Being Cut From ‘Home Alone 2’ • Dec 27, 2019 kzhead.info/sun/eq-ModquqKelhJ8/bejne.html
That's just his slurring lol. He really did say left.
Stephen Cold-Beer, refreshing and intoxicating!
America please do something this was funny when he was running, and when he got elected when no one thought he would, but now we're getting incredibly worried, i mean THAT GUY is in charge of the nukes. sincerly, The Rest of the World.
Love you Steven 😊
“Keebler elf who escaped the tree.” 🤣
The piano player could play for silent movies. That is a special skill.
Again Colbert saves my sanity with his Gallows humor. That's the only way I can endure any news involving Trump...laugh at it, at him, and at his supporters. A small percentage of the world's population elected Trump, and fucked the entire world over (including themselves).
this makes George Bush seem... perfect lol god...we are in it for the ride... and we are going to hit a tree very hard 😂
A tree? At this point we're crashing through the entire forest and lighting it on fire for good measure...
I love that dude on the piano lol
The "Keebler elf" is just too perfect. 🤣🤣🤣
The dysfunction that exists inside of Mr. Trump exists inside of almost everyone. Not necessarily in the same form or to the same degree. I wish good things for Mr. Trump, and at the same time I think it would be good for everyone (including Mr. Trump himself) if he resigns or is removed from power.
Luna Lovegood Only the President can direct the use of nuclear weapons by U.S. armed forces, including the Single Integrated Operational Plan (SIOP). While the President does have unilateral authority as commander-in-chief to order that nuclear weapons be used for any reason at any time, the actual procedures and technical systems in place for authorizing the execution of a launch order requires a secondary confirmation under a two-man rule, as the President's order is subject to secondary confirmation by the Secretary of Defense. If the Secretary of Defense does not concur, then the President may in his sole discretion fire the Secretary. The Secretary of Defense has legal authority to approve the order, but cannot veto it.[1][2][3] The Secretary of Defense succession plan designates numerous individuals that may serve after a President removes his or her predecessor.[4] Traditionally, a civilian United States officer must countersign a Presidential order or resign
Cue the deplorables flooding this 'fake news' video.
ah, i think your cue is a few hours late i guess they dont wait for cues
I'm so glad you turned your friends mic down. It was like gag, stop, gag, stop. Now it's a lot more smoother and the transition of the jokes are much better. Phew! Thank you! You can almost hear him in the background, but the flow is way better to me in my humble opinion.
I want to add one more thing, it's almost awkward to hear him sometimes, bc you have to ignore him in a sense. Is there a nice way of telling him wait after the opening to add his 10 cents. Every time he interrupts you, you kind of have to go on a tangent. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't. Anyway just saying.
That home alone clip,lmfao!
Mmmm so much salt.
so this is how you win a nuclear war, you just disable the other's chain of command.
no one is gonna be steering this ship
I like how Jon Batiste playing random licks during Steven's monologue has turned into a comedy bit of its own! Jon is a very talented pianist musician
It's not that bad, you can say to your future kids or grand kids that are mutated because of nuclear radiation. *I was there, when the most insane man of the 21st century was at power.*
HOT MIC, HOT MIC! I keep hearing a dude saying MHMH and HAHAHA as stephen is talking!
"I'm more and more coming around to the idea..." ~ Luv it
Where can I get my own copy of the new version of "Goodnight, Moon?" lol
Oh hey a helmet signed by Soybean Wind.
Justsomeguy I was hoping I would see this scrolling through the comments
Young ISIS Member: "Excuse me, where do they store the nukes?" Trump: "Down the hall and to the left." God I can watch that Trailer again and again... it's so sad
His crowd was clueless about the football jokes.
James Dooley he didn't deliver it that well. I got it.
4:18 he talks like Erik Salvia writes xD LOL
I respect Lindsay Graham for standing up to Trump
I'm here from the future to let you know, Graham's defiance ends there. You'll be back to having zero respect for him in no time, I promise.
I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO
I've started watching old Colbert from 3 years ago. Nice to see it all turned out even shittier than expected
Stephen watches Big Bang Theory: - 1 respect
Well I guess more people should have voted. Oh well... if you did not vote, and you are a US Citizen with voting rights... you might as well paint your skin Orange because you are a TRUMP supporter!
That Home Alone bit was hilarious
O m g The furry handcuffs Roflmao
Now US is the new USSR apparently....
so, where are all the conservative hosts and stars and singers etc.? I though you America were all about diversity..
That would be Ted Nugent, Clint Eastwood and Scott Baio. Can't think of any others offhand...
Lisa Mallette that's the point :D
ChillChannel They're there but it's not popular to be an outspoken conservative at the moment. Also, just because you're conservative or Republican doesn't mean you like Trump look at Glenn Beck. Go back to 2008, 2009 and maybe 2002 and you'll find more outspoken conservatives based on the events surrounding the times.
Sandy G 323 Hollywood is biased against Conservatives. Ben Shapiro wrote a report on it. Plus, Vince Vaughn is a Libertarian.
Mac 'n Burn biased against conservatives? I would say more like conservatives are heavily outnumbered. I'm not sure why but I think it's in part based on the experiences of those in Hollywood. Extreme example, if you're racist because that's how you've been raised when someone who looks like you befriends you and you find out they're not your race you begin to question racism. Please don't think I'm saying conservatives are racist I'm just trying to point out the openness that liberals have. If you surround yourself with a diverse group of people you can't help but want to raise everyone up together. Now obviously there's got to be a limit and it's up to each person to determine there own. Respecting each other's boundaries doesn't bias you it just means we disagree.
11:10 Anyone else notice the double sided carrot on the nightstand? LMAO!!!
Why are my recommendations dozens upon dozens of Colbert videos? I've never watched any of them before.
KZhead tries to feed you bullshit.
MrDrProfessor4 it says you watched this one. There's an option to ignore this video so you don't get this sort anymore. Maybe YT changed there algorithms again so you should definitely look into the ignore feature.
Maybe you've watched a different late show? I always get recommendations for Seth Meyers and alike, and I've never watched him ...
If the world end, Trump will be a one term president lol
I honestly wish Jon Batiste didn't have a mic. He keeps butting in and making noises off camera, and doesn't really have anything to add. Whenever Stephen speaks directly to him, all he responds with is "mmm hehehe yeah" and mumbling incoherently. Let him just play music cues, he's great at that.
The football game description reminds me of the football (soccer) description from "The I.T. Crowd": "Hooray! He's kicked the ball! Now the ball's over there. That man has it now, that's an interesting development. Maybe he'll kick the ball. And he has, which apparently deserves a round of applause for some reason!"
was i the only one who notice the double sided carrot... dammit Colbert, now you've got me thinking about Judy Hopps and a grown up Ruby sharing that carrot I wasn't thinking about bunny sex, I don't think about bunny sex, I can't get bunny sex out of my head. Dammit Colbert.
Man, that piano dude needs to step down. He's so intrusive in every single episode.
Gísli Stefán His boss keeps cueing him in, mostly. He's just part of the act at this point.
Isaiah Scott I realize that, but who the hell finds his butting in entraining ?
Gísli Stefán I find it natural and kinda charming. Funny may be a stretch, but the pair definitely have good chemistry.
Isaiah Scott I dunno, I feel like every time he butts in Stephen is like "okay, let's move on"
Gísli Stefán Eh, they seem to work off of eachother to me. But heh, our perspectives clearly differ.
Stop making fun of Trump.
Mate, are you serious right now? This is satire; making fun of people is the genre's bread and butter.
Vivek Chauhan You stupid
Sounds like you want a safe space.
Trump is going to be the US president. Being made fun of by the half of the nation that didn't vote for him is in the job description.
Vivek Chauhan How dare we spaek ill of your God Emperor... Surely we must be punished severely.
The title together with the thumbnail seems like a meme. Hahaha!
Waitin' for the jump!
i used to be a fan of this but now it is just boring they used trump to much. get some new material colbert
CZJRE211 yes!!
CZJRE211 - Give us a new president and we'll get you some new material. ;)
Mal Radagast You're gettin' one soon!
I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood, I said a new *president.*
cZJRE211 the fact that Trump is the biggest joke that ever existed in this world make is more funny..!!! not boring... if u find it boring then it's cause your candidate is getting roasted.. and u are angry so u use boring as an mask..!!
Delicious Liberal tears
Jamie Matthews But how will I get my delicious supply then?
Jamie Matthews You can thank Bush, and Obama, and Trump (if he does a bad job like they did) for that
Jamie Matthews Bernie wanted a state in which anyone making $190,000 in their household per year to pay 70-80% income tax. I don't make that much, but I completely disagree with his logic. He said he was about helping Small Business, but when most successful Small Business owners make about that much per year, he obviously does not want to help them, judging by his tax structure.
Element Air Why thank you. As far as the last part goes...your tears are delicious.
Mac 'n Burn You sure you're drinking liberal tears? You may be confusing liberal tears for your fuhrer's piss
The glurf is where you lay down the brown turf.
11:14 Double headed carrot? I see what you did there.
2:04 then Colbert’s response.....priceless prophecy. 😂😂😂😂
That's the best I've seen this year so far ^^
Am watching this on July 2nd of 2021. Let me tell you. We were not prepared for the steaming pile of crap that admin was.
11:11 that made it on National TV!?!? XD
WOW that "Home Alone" clip...
3 years ago!! I can't believe how quickly it went down!! I love this show !!🤣🤣🤣
What happened to Trey Gowdy as AG? :'(
Cig I were into that book I'd be traumatized by Mr. Colbert's rendition of it.
I love how Stephen and John shoot jokes back and forth across the stage. It's kept me going for a while.