Why No One Is Having Kids Anymore.... The Childfree Movement
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0:00 A lot of people don't want to have kids anymore
1:09 The birth rate decline in the US and worldwide
3:08 About half of people without kids, don't want them
4:20 the cultural shift towards being child free
5:16 people are getting married later & have more time of being independent
6:36 it's too expensive to have kids
7:13 increased childcare costs
9:08 increase in IVF related costs
10:13 increased economic inequality for future generations
10:55 women have more options than just having kids
12:28 tiktok has exposed the cons of motherhood
14:29 regretful parents are speaking up
16:44 also, some men want to be childfree
19:03 famous ppl that are childfree & happy about it
20:13 the economic implications of population decline (it's not good)
24:47 but could population decline reset the housing market?
25:36 decreased workforce, increase in technology
28:00 a decline trend now doesn't mean forever
30:33 can you be fulfilled without kids?
32:15 is the childfree movement a good thing?
credits & sources:
Pew research center studies www.pewresearch.org/short-rea...
Change in birth rate: www.axios.com/2023/10/04/birt...
www.latimes.com/world-nation/...
study on regret later in life: journals.plos.org/plosone/art...
www.upworthy.com/childless-pe...
TikTok on Childcare costs by Itsapaigeturner: www.tiktok.com/@sheisapaigetu...
Shanboodram TikTok with Anna Akana: www.tiktok.com/@shanboody/vid...
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Why would i bring my kids into a life where 99% of it will consist of school and corporate slavery? Nah. I love my unborn kids too much to do that to them.
Your comment made me emotional 🥲-in a positive way though
One smile from my daughter makes everything worth it. I never knew what loving someone selflessly was like until I saw my daughter for the first time in the delivery room. I never knew a love like that even exist. I tell her all the time, thank you for being so amazing. I tell her I didn't know what true happiness was until she was born. my only regret is only having one.
@@tomhuynh8440 Kind of selfish to make a soul suffer for your own happiness.
@@sjwdestroyer6336i agree. I have a child i love more than life. No regrets. Best thing thats ever happened. However if i could go back i would not let him suffer in this evil cruel world. I wouldnt do it. It is selfish as hell!! I wanted 4 but i steralized myself. I will never bring another life into this world as it is Edit: I do not hate my life. My life isn't bad. But suicides and OD have tripled sinxe just 2010! 60 percent of Gen z feels no purpose. Who csn afford to live these days!! People are very cruel also. Jus saying I don't regret being a mum I regret bringing a beautiful soul into this cruel world
a wise choice
I also wonder if people aren't having kids because their own childhoods don't exactly ignite warm and loving memories.
that could definitely be the case for some people! I also know people who actually had the opposite effect, they wanted to give someone the childhood they never had, which is really nice
For sure. And also the worries that we will end up doing the same mistakes as our parents did (because of learned patterns, ours or theirs unprocessed traumas etc.).
Yes! I totally agree with this sentiment! When I'm having a hard day, my mind often wanders back to my childhood because those memories are warm. If I didn't have those warm memories to revisit, life itself would be more difficult...let alone considering starting a new chapter with children of my own. Would I be able to give them warm memories?
@@ShelbyChurch Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, then, children grow up in an environment that overprotects them , not teaching them how to recognize the boundaries of others.... In these families, the parents show respect to the children but don't demand it in return. Because that's not what a parent from an unhealthy environment can teach a child. ... Such a family produces yet again more cripples and handicapped.... Sorry, I saw some examples around.
I saw as a child my aunts being left as single mothers by men. That definetly had an effect on me not wanting to be tied down with any kids.
I’m 38 and child free and so happy in my life. I do believe that people who have kids, love their kids and the meaning it has given them. But just tired of hearing ”how could you not want a child”, remember you cant’t miss what you’ve never had, so why have a child if you don’t want to? Normalise not wanting kids please.
Normalizing it means bye bye to your social security or state pension, bye bye to the economy, bye bye to your lifestyle. It’s great you are liking it but you should know the risk of normalizing it.
@ andriod8014 nah the economy will be fine, the robots doing the work. Stop financing wars and replenish the welfare system.
@@andriod8014who cares? You won't be alive to see any of that happen
@@wongcombo3172 i am in my 20s, so theres a good chance I will be alive to see it. And funny how you said it, I guess thats the same mindset people had back then on global warming and other problems, which is one of the reason why couples arent having kids. It seems putting responsibility on the newer generation is a common thing.
"Save the planet. Sterilize yourself" would be an amazing modern slogan. Hehe Seriously, though. It's a matter of individual choice with that person's understanding of life, the world and their place in it. We do need to start celebrating every decision instead of coercing people in either direction.
You're born alone and you'll sure as hell die alone. No matter what, everyone dies alone.
Yeah, it’s a fact of life nobody wants to accept.
I grew up in a very transactional love family. My kids have taught and showed me what true unconditional love feels like. It was such an unexpected feeling and I’m so grateful. They are a ton of work like everything else, but unlike with anything else … their hugs and kisses make it all better ♥️
@@anh1192 my cats taught me the same thing. I have two cats that will go out of their way to show their affection and gratitude that I am in their lives. One will always cuddle with my wife when she's on the couch, but not before first jumping onto my lap to say hi to me. They both do things like this and have enriched our lives so much. Kids are not needed.
@@deydraniadiancecht8298 hey different strokes different folks. I’m happy cats have done this for you
@@anh1192 it looks unconditional, but love is always bounded to reasons, and therefore is always conditional.
Hot take: A lot of childfree individuals I know often give much more thought to the responsibility of raising a child... than some parents who just have kids just cause or may not have been well-prepared in the first place.
So over thinking ?
The movie idiocracy. Just remember who wins in the long run. The smart are not as intelligent as their ego wants them to believe.
A lot of people are brainwashed into having kids to keep the capitalist slave system running. Capitalism is coming to a close while people are waking up to the monstrosity of a perpetual narcissistic soulless system
@@Ninjagurl24or...thinking?
@@Ninjagurl24 overthinking😂 someones salty they had kids without thinking lol
Society is extremely depressing right now. How can young people even think about bring children to the equation when we cant even find jobs, and when we do find them, they don't pay a living wage. Seems like children are for the filthy rich now. Most of us want to bring children into a good situation where they have the chance to have a good childhood....people don't wanna bring kids into poverty :/
I feel that way with climate change, too. Seeing how drastically it’s changed in even the last 10years or so (crazy fires, ice storms, places that used to be mild now having extreme seasons)… I honestly worry how habitable the planet is in another 50yr, what am I leaving a child behind to live in, because I’ll likely die before it gets too too bad, but would my children?
Yet people in Africa are more optimistic than us 🤦🏻♀ Edit: What I meant by "optimistic" was that they are hopeful of their child's future? I can't imagine having a baby if I fear they'll have a harsh life that I can't bear to watch. I'm sure that goes for any mother in any society 🤷🏻♀
I know adults who are like "I wish my parents hadn't had me" it's insane, but also there's studies about higher education rates leading to lower birth rates and you look at the economics of it all and it really makes sense to not have kids.
I’m a small biz owner but when people do find bigger jobs in tech, they get layoffs like crazy out of nowhere. Seems like no job is secure these days and I try to keep that in mind with my crew.
They aren’t necessarily optimistic. They don’t have access to birth control mainly.
As a father of one child, my advice to young people would be: Don't even think of having a kid unless you are filthy rich to begin with! Kids are a status symbol nowadays!
Definitely agree with your point
Status for what? Being broke?
Not true, I'm a father and I love my kids. We want to have more. Kids are a lot cheaper than many other habits, and they are our future.
@@user-ss1nz1dd9m I don't know which country you live in. But right here in the US, houses alone are very expensive, not to mention day care and college tuition are on the rise because of inflation.
@@dspirit2 I live in Canada where houses are even more expensive, and the inflation relative to income is far worse than the USA. The Canadian economy is being battered. Nevertheless, I stand by what I said. You don't need a house to raise kids, and you don't need daycare either. I was raised where my parents had no car or house. We were immigrants. I grew up just fine. As for tuition, when I went to university, U of T, my parents said, well you're going to have to get a government student loan. I did, I paid that off, and I'm a professional. That's life.
Millennial here. I always assumed that I'd have one kid, on principle. The older I got, the more undesirable that was. Now we've made it official -- we'll never be having children, not even one. And we are so relieved about that
Wisest decision you'll ever make in your life.
The government needs to tax people like you and hand the tax income to young people who want kids but don't have the finances.
@@bookinsights1092 There are no altruistic reasons for anyone to have children, especially these days.
@@txlyons2937Well, maybe not for you but I will definitely have many kids because I love children and want my lineage to continue.
@@bookinsights1092 You do know childfree people already pay taxes… right? And they pay more in taxes than people with kids. Taxes that are used to fund public schools, social services, etc that support families with children. Childfree people are already subsidizing the costs to raise children so this point doesn’t really make any sense.
Many years ago I went to a wedding and the couple next to me asked if I had kids and I said no and I have no desire to ever have any. She replied, "oh my God you're so lucky, I have kids and I regret it so much". The other women in the group overheard the conversation and also said they regretted having kids. I was shocked that anyone would actually admit it out loud. The husbands in the group never said a word but one did nod his head in agreement. I never forgot that wedding! 😂😂
omg haha that is very rare for people to say in person!
@@ShelbyChurch it truly felt like I was in a scene of a comedy movie!
Maannn, im a single and childless male and the amount of older women who would say im smart and not to get married is crazy
They said this just to say it to you. No one will ever regret having kids. People will only regret NOT having kids. It’s your choice, not here to motivate anyone to have kids, even better if you don’t, but there’s no way I will let my kids will end my bloodline.
@@mmfong297 😂Thats a lie! Ive seen what bitter and regretful parents look like. I have friends who parents just up and left them without a care. My home state revoked a program called the "safe haven" because of the amount of people that immediately started dropping their children off to abandon them. Women were coming from all over the country to do it
I also dont like when people say: Who is going to take care of you when you are old??….like if thats your only reason for wanting kids, thats selfish and then you can’t guarantee your child will grow up and live close by and be willing to take care of you. If you choose to have kids, I feel like you need to have the right motives for having them, you have to be ready to give of yourself, emotionally physically and mentally and be financially stable. If you don’t have the deep desire, don’t do it.
literally though! these people are literally having kids to validate themselves, have built in elderly care, to basically have bred a slave who you're going to hold things over their whole life, and like childfree people are the selfish ones?
I think that's very old-fashioned thinking. Most people don't take care of their parents when they get old like they used to because people live so much longer now. Now, people often have advanced neurodegenerative diseases, cognitive decline, etc. as they age and they require round-the-clock professional care. It just isn't feasible for a working person to provide 24/7 medical services. Many people have to go to a nursing facility or get in-home care aides because the needs are so much greater than they were 40, 50 years ago.
I don't plan on living to old age anyway 😊
Most of human history, kids were the only way you'd have anything resembling a retirement plan. Assuming you survived that long. Hard to break evolved habits.
It seems you don’t have too much cherish for your parents nor have kids of your own so I’ll give you a reality check For 30,000 years having kids has been part of a community effort to sustain and maintain society, today, there’s still developing countries that would have kids for 1- economic help with business or farms and 2, care for your elderly years since MOST DEVELOPED COUNTRIES don’t even have functioning retirement systems. For 30,000 years we’ve had plenty of reasons to have children and now Jessica, came Out of nowhere and called all this billions of people selfish. They help you and raise you for 19 years of your own life, they could have aborted you and had a sex, alcohol and drug life, yet most parents would take food out of their mouth to give it to their children. You are the only selfish here. You are the wrong one
30 year old father to a 4 year old here. Don't listen to people who tell you you need to have kids to have a fulfilled life. The only fulfilling life you need to worry about is your own and what makes you happy. Some people dont feel comfortable having kids, others have felt the want since they were very young, like me. Both are okay. Personally I love being a father. It has its challenges for sure, but the rewards to me are like picking the ripest apple from the tree. But with that said, not everybody is an apple person and that's alright. It should not be of concern to me or anybody else who likes apples.
And you don't have to listen to people that tell you that you don't have to have kids to have a fulfilled life. Billions of other people will tell you that you do have to have kids. So don't speak if you don't know people's relationships
I think your apple analogy is a really good way of putting it!! Some people are willing to care for a living thing and watch it bear its successes, like an apple tree giving fruit or a child's accomplishments as you raise them. They can be very fulfilling, but some people just dont like apples. Some people dont think kids are right for them, yet or at all, and thats okay. Its good that these people have an idea of what they want and can handle.
@@crystelthewolf Absolutely! Thank you for your input :)
Do you think about the possibility your children might resent you later in life due to the forced obligation?
@@Christophernorbits are you asking me?
My husband and I are 40, have been together for 24 years, child free by choice, and seem to be much happier than most of our peers/family members that have children. We are financially stable and we LOVE our dogs. It feels like everyone around us is constantly miserable. Exhausted and constantly complaining about their children and/or partners. I have had countless people (who have children) tell me, “ I love my kids, but if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have them, don’t have them!” *countless* I think people feel better getting this off their chest knowing I’m not a parent, so they know I won’t judge them 😅
Poorly aged white ♀️
I'm childfree at 63 after knowing by my mid teens I didn't want kids and remember as a kid adults saying " I love my kids but if I could do it over I wouldn't have had kids."
Loving DOGs is just as stupid
Saying something and actually having "it's a wonderful Life" experience are not the same thing, higher chance their Outlook will change completely.
You guys should not have access to hospitals and care provided by your peers kids when you are old and shouldn’t benefit from the taxes those kids will be paying. You are enjoying now while others are struggling to raise the future generation which will have To look after you. Selfish af
I have nephews and nieces and that's enough for me. It's great to be an auntie.
Same 4 me but I am one uncle 😊
I thought the same, until I had my daughter at 38. 😂
@@R.obin.I’m about to be 40 and say, hellll no.
I have numerous nieces and nephews and I have nothing to do with any of them! I didn't choose to be an uncle and shouldn't have to be involved with kids just because they are related to me. Fortunately, my brothers don't seem to want me to be involved with their kids and grandkids lives, anyway.
I spent a fair amount of my adult life managing restaurant employees. That's enough kids for me, and many of them were older than me.
At 45 and NEVER wanting kids, I've spent my life hearing people say condescending things like "you won't know true love" and "you need kids to be fulfilled", etc. It's interesting that so many parents feel like they have the right to question my life choices, but would never take kindly to someone saying to them "what if having kids doesn't fulfill you like you thought"? And like you said, there isn't one way to be fulfilled. In fact, for people like me, having a kid would make me miserable. Being a parent is one of the worst things I could imagine for my own personal life. But for my best friend it is the thing that she feels like made her life complete. We are all different.
Getting closer to 40 and childfree. People keep asking me how can I know I won't regret not having kids when I'm old... I say obviously I can't know for sure, but I've never had any kind of innate need of having kids, and quite frankly I'd rather regret NOT having kids than having kids and then regretting it - at least this way, the regret only affects me. Imagine having a child and regretting that decision, because there's no return policy so then it would also affect the child. So yeah, no thanks. I thrive in solitude and silence, and my life is very fulfilling without children.
Absolutely
I feel the same way. I don't want the responsibility of raising a child and spending what little money I have on them And, the noise they make. My god, what a nightmare
I mean... good for you, but you are an extreme outlier. For most men and for almost all women having children is an important and irreplaceable part of their lives. Even for the ones who don't (meaning they end up regretting it). So you should not fault society for having difficulties with coping with your lifestyle. That's like someone telling me he experiences intense feelings of happiness from hitting his head with a rock. That may be 100% true, but I'm still gonna advocate for him not to do it if I care about that person.
So you equate me saying I've never wanted kids and my life feels fulfilled and happy without them to someone hitting their own head with a rock? If you really care about me do you know that me having kids would LITERALLY KILL ME because I have a heart condition that wouldn't allow me to have a child. No you don't, because you think your way is the only correct way. I know it blows your little mind that not everyone wants to be a parent. I'm glad that life is for you. I'm happy you found fulfillment in it. I and many others do not need to give birth to have life fulfillment. Also thanks, random man, for telling me what "most women" think.
“You have to have kids if you have the urge, i just never had that urge…. to ruin my life” jen kirkman
Some people just like having infants. Not children. There's a difference. Ive seen people replace their toddlers with newborns and the toddlers start to act out because suddenly they aren't being cared for anymore... Because they never actually were. They were a toy
That's usually by people who have unprotected sex and decides to keep them or vlogger families.
Tbh, no one should be pressured to neither have kids or nor not have them. It should be a highly personal choice and not something we do for peer pressure.
Outside of China, there is no pressure for people to not have kids (outside of family relatives pressuring) It's often the other way round. People deciding to go childfree are berated or seen as "Selfish" for deciding not to have kids. When it comes to Religion and Economic policies both institutions are biased to people having more and more kids....doesn't necessarily mean they will financial support people having kids beyond a "have some babies and will give you some money and stop soon after" kind of thing I don't want to get too political, but certain parties are "pro-life" and "Pro-birther" (but not willing to support healthcare) wanting people to keep popping out kids so there's a good steady supply of cheap desperate labor for corporations and cannon fodder for never ending wars.
I know China has has stopped it's one child policy and regrets it. I can't speak for the rest of the world. I however, I have a diverse group of friends and it's not much different in other cultures either. You're right about culture & politics, while there is a lot of push for having kids there isn't enough support. It's pretty dark that they see it as a supply for cheap labor & canon fodder 😢. But the same can be said for the migrant crisis, no? But there's almost a counter culture to encourage and justify going childfree. Solvable problems are put forward as ultimatums to not have children. What influences us comes down to our family & social circle. A lot of women may or may not change our minds on this decision. I think it's crucial we keep that door open for those of us who aren't hard-line about it.
@@babyqueenxo But the same can be said for the migrant crisis, no? What do you mean migrant crisis? can you elaborate please. Also the "almost counter culture" is either a natural response or personal choice by the people as oppsoed to "have kids" being mandates by Religions and Political Economics which are institutions. I don't see how they could be held up as equivalent, even though they are diagramatically in opposition. "A lot of women may or may not change our minds on this decision. I think it's crucial we keep that door open for those of us who aren't hard-line about it. " hard-line? It's a personal choice, there is nothing stopping someone (besides medical issues) who decides be 'Child free' from changing their minds later on to wanting kids. The "hardline" stance comes from said institions brought up.
you are voicing the core of the issue - liberal individualism and hedonism. it's a mistake which is being wiped out by demographic reality in front of our eyes.
This! And we should make it easier for parents to have kids by supporting them. This means working to lower daycare costs, decreasing housing costs (e.g. building more homes), child tax credit and policies to fight child poverty. This should be to recognize that the next generation are our future -- raising children is not easy in this economy -- we want to ensure the kids who are born are properly taken care of.
The worst thing about all of this is that other mothers don't warn you about the regrets, anxiety and other downfalls of parenting, and I have no idea why.
This
Misery loves company.
This annoys me the most about mothers. They do not tell other women anything about the major health problems giving birth causes, post partum depression, the increased workload and stress after having kids, having to sacrifice all your goals and dreams to take care of children, the way giving birth messes up your body, etc. They just act like it is all rainbows and sunshine for outside appearances.
Many don't talk about because when they did other people would say that why are they complaining since they wanted to have kids or did they think it would be easy or think that they don't love their kids etc.
Western men that want a family are traveling overseas to find a wife [Russia, Ukraine, thailand, Phillipines, south america). Western men that just want to hook up for hanky panky stuff only. Only date western women. Western women: don't want families. At least that's what they think in their 20's, but once they are in their 30s and lonely that changes, but then they're too old. Second/Third world country women: want families. Result: Angry western women when they see a 5/10 western man with a 10/10 foreign woman, and she has no education yet driving his mercedes and having offsprings. So western women will say "What! He's not even good looking, and she can't even speak english. So unfair!" The issue is: women don't want foreign men, because foreign men don't have money. Men on the other hand, don't care if the Russian model is a poor farmer girl from siberia. Men don't care if she's uneducated. Result: western women were lied to by the media and are lonely in their 30s and 40s. No children, no husband. They have their career, but money doesn't buy you happiness if there's no one to share it with. Meanwhile , the nerdy man in his 30s 40s 50s when he finally has financial security is making the dreams of some poor foreign woman come true, while he in return gets the 20 something yr old model that he could never get in his 20s because he was poor at the time. At my place, I see all these foreign women in the elevator with new borns. And I noticed the trend: the women are foreign. But the husband is local. It must be very depressing for local western women to see this "What's she got that I don't got? She doesn't even speak a word of english. Where did she get that versace hand bag? I don't need offsprings, I'm happy with my pets, I think, am I?"
Life is hard. That’s why our parents drank a lot and smoked a lot. They didn’t have the technology we have today so they needed to do what they needed to do to get through the day. It’s a personal decision and should be respected. Cheers!
social media makes you dumber not smarter
Childfree and couldn't be happier. Agree with everyone here saying a lot of people have kids without giving it much thought. I had my tubes removed in 2022. Best decision ever. I don't want kids because I just don't like kids.
You go girl! 💪 Be yourself and independent in your decisions. My wife did the same as you for exactly the same reasons. We absolutely do NOT need kids to be happy!
@TotenKopf11 Stop treating marriage like it's a life goal. There are better things to do with your life! I was once told that no one would want to marry me because I didn't want kids and I determined I was happy floating from relationship to relationship instead of compromising and ruining my life with kids. Also yes, I was broken up with a guy in 2022 when I told him I was having my surgery. Apparently he hadn't believed I was telling the truth when I told him when we met on an app that I didn't want kids. Hopefully he believes a woman when she tells him something next time!
Poorly aged white ♀️
@@vklnew9824lame
@@vklnew9824ah yes an andrew tate fan
I've noticed that some people (single or married) prefer pets over kids.
💯
People are far gone psychologically.
That's messed up
bringing kids to this world when you can't even afford a roof over their heads, that's messes up @@XxforevercandygirlXx
I have also noticed that some people call their pets their kids 🤦🏻♂️ fur babies, etc
I knew I didn't want to have children when I was 5!!! I have never ever ever regretted my decision!! Not everyone should be a parent there are so many ways to nurture, love and educate in the world!
😂😂
I congrat you you never fell for "just the tip"
Not everyone should be a parent but this is an issue that goes beyond your own personal life. Less kids and the majority of the population being old hurts every corner of society
As far back as I can remember I never wanted kids. That’s mostly because my Dad was really young and irresponsible and it was always made clear to my brother and I we were a burden to his life as a single Dad. My Mom was schizophrenic and out of the picture.
Five. Damn you were just a kid. So why would you be thinking about them or not wanting to have any at that age bc you only been on earth for a minute. Well, I'll give you 5. Lol.
45, married, cats, nice job, beautiful home. Very happy. Knew since I was a teen. I’m too type A: I like my house organized/clean/my way. We’ve had to spend so much on home improvement IDK how we would have the money for children. We love sleeping in, going out to eat, and doing what we want when we want. Not to mention how exhausting kids are. Good on you if you want/have them, I don’t have that desire.
"The economic system" angle is such a load of shit. The economy has never worked for us, and people expect us to have kids in order to help the system out? Please. I'll just take the black pill.
Yeah...I live at the bottom of the economic barrel.
My question is, how much of it is due to economics, and how much of it is due the the inability of young people to find, and stay, in a stable loving relationship? Someone should study that.
It is both
It is more than that. There is also mental issues, including narcissism.
It's also a feeling that they (women) can do better than current relationship and can always break marriage contract.
most childfree people want to be childfree and have no interest in reproducing and that's totally fine. everybody can do with their life what they want (yes, even women).
@@vertebrae9204 a lot of women want kids but can't find a good relationship at the right time to have them
I’m 41, and childfree. When I was 7 years old I knew I didn’t want children; I am so happy I stuck to my guns. Nothing about children/family life and marriage appeals to me.
I definitely agree.
Very sad existence
@@Kona_Blue Actually, not for a lot of people. This is not my situation, but no one’s decisions should be criticized. Happiness is always personally defined and decided.
@@debbiecreter2005 "No one’s decisions should be criticized". All decisions are open to criticism when they are shared on the internet.
Everyone has a different "happiness". Something that makes one person happy can make another person miserable. I myself have two kids whom I love, but I can totally understand how not everyone wants to come home to a dirty disheveled house full of screaming, crying and poopy diapers. Some people just enjoy their peace, privacy, hobbies and they don't need other people to find happiness.
I don't understand all the people who are mad about how other people live their lives when it will never affect them
High house prices and cost of living are the best contraceptive pills
I have never wanted children, but I didn’t start expressing it openly, or even privately to myself, until my late 20s. Prior to that I felt like there was something wrong with me for not wanting them so I would just say “I’m not sure yet, maybe some day”. It was also hard at the time to find a partner who didn’t want kids. Now I’m 33 and fully comfortable with being childfree. My partner is open to kids but ultimately would prefer not to have them, mostly due to society being fucked up and the immense cost of raising children.
Good for you.
You should never feel forced to have kids, if you don't want them ❤
@@babyqueenxoI never felt forced to have kids, I just felt abnormal for not wanting them and for not liking children in general, so I didn’t want to admit it to people when I was younger.
@@babyqueenxoAnd yet people (especially women) try to “convince” women they “should” have children, even shaming women for not having them. In my late 20s, I had so many people (especially) saying those things and trying to shame me for not having children. Funny that women who choose to not have children almost never (if ever at all) try to push or shame women into not having children. We know it is a personal choice, and we only have to make up our own mind, not other people’s.
@@WishAtElevenEleven I see, I'm happy to hear that you are comfortable now
Shelby I thought you had some new picture on the wall till I realized it was an ad 😂😂 smart
I found it to be kind of a little distracting, unfortunately. Love Shelby though!
Took me awhile to figure out I was like why does she have a shampoo bottle picture on her wall. Was not a fan of the product placement.
I actually liked it. Whilst distracting, it wasn't in my face and it was still obvious that they were the sponsor without taking any time away from her commentary (like it does for a lot of other creators). Clever!
@@Isabellenovnothing is more distracting then a 2 minute ad break.
@@spendleton360 That was probably the point. If I see an ad I will never buy that thing. It just made me mad.
Also, my parents are boomers and waited until they were 37 to start having kids - I always found that inspiring as a child, that they'd had this full, adventurous, exciting life before they had me. They had lots of stories and experiences to share with me growing up.
your mother was 37? That's consider a geriatric pregnancy. Usually comes with a lot of complications and defects if conception is even possible at that age.
@tann_man my mom had me when she was 45 and I have zero birth defects. Y’all watching too much TikTok videos 😄
@@matusala8322 I've been reading medical journals. Usually =/= Always. You are the statistical exception.
@tann_man lots of women have kids after 35 and zero health problems.
@@michellemyers8583 Define 'lots'. Some do not have problems. They are exceptions to the rule. Rates of complications and health defects increase exponentially with age. 35 and older is medically considered geriatric gravidity. At this stage infertility, miscarriage, birth defects, chromosomal abnormalities, Gestational diabetes, stillbirths, and miscarriages are increasingly common.
I'm a baby boomer. Fortunately I grew up in a country where healthcare and education were "free". Of course it isn't because everybody pays taxes into a big national fund. I prefer to call it "prepaid". Also the government paid people to have children. Not deductible but paid directly in cash. Education and schools were government funded and all teachers were certified government workers and supervised. That provided a level playing field. It also prevented student loans and institutions making a business out of a basic need.
And did people have children? If not this is surely irrelevant.
I am 61 and had three kids. Day care was over 12 grand annually over 30 years ago. It has always been out of control and did not get better. My own children have all waited until their mid to late 30's to have their own kids.
I'm 61 and never had kids. No regrets. I don't miss what I never had and I think of all the $ and hassles I've avoided.
If that's all you think kids are, then you missed the point. Any money troubles and "hassles" are well worth it. But glad you're happy, and if that's how you view children, as basically "problems" then I'm sure glad you never had any
Daycare is around 20k nowadays lol I will never put my kids in daycare, the shit that happens there is insane. You never know who is around your children. Did you hear about that one guy that sexually assaulted a baby at a daycare? Makes me sick to my stomach the parents that paid good money to have their child taken advantage of and abused. So fucking sad. Talk to anyone who even works in a daycare. They will tell you, they would never put their own kids in one
@@MrsMuffin11 that IS how kids are to THAT person. And the behaviour and troubles of kids ARE a "hassle" to THEM and NOT worth it to THEM. It seems like you are missing the point entirely. They made a choice to not have kids due to what makes THEM uncomfortable and non-worthwhile. The fact that YOU view children coming with certain expenses and sacrifices as not a "hassle" doesn't mean that THEY ( original poster) was wrong to feel that way and missed the point and were unworthy in anyway.
She asked for opinions on everyone’s choices , not an invitation for others to bash those people giving opinions. This could be such a valuable space but some always have to go on the attack. Humans, man.
As I've said many times in these kinds of conversations, the question "why don't you want to have kids?" Really doesn't make a lot of sense. If someone doesn't want to have kids, they shouldn't have kids! Why would anyone want to subject kids to an environment where they aren't wanted. A more consequential question for people who want kids is, "why do you want kids?". We should be asking that question a lot more. Because there are bad reasons for having kids, and if those people have kids, it could be very detrimental to that child life. Not having kids should be the default position that requires no deliberation. On the other hand, if someone wants kids, they should think long and hard about why they want a child and if they are prepared to do that job correctly.
And why should you benefit from society/civilization in which children are necessary for its continuation? Do you think you have no debt of responsibility to your society? If your decision is to Not have children then fine but you should not get the full benefits such as Social Security retirement funds that will be paid for by younger generations. Why should someone else's children pay for your retirement and old age health care?
So people child free by choice shouldn’t get social security because, “they don’t contribute to society.” Despite the fact they also work throughout life, paying into social security themselves, paying taxes, and contributing to the economy and by extension, fucking society!!! Seriously what a terribly dumb take.
Most people have kids because they had sex. Its simple as that.
Nice to know the value of my work as a stay at home mom is 100k a year. I studied child development at college and learnt so much.
I was sterilised at 31 and I'm now nearly 38 - it was the best decision I've ever made, apart from marrying my wonderful husband. If we had children, we wouldn't have the extraordinary life we have right now and that would be a true tragedy. My mum once told me, when I was a teen, that if she had her time over, she wouldn't have kids - and I am thankful for her honesty every single day of my childfree life; because of her my life is exactly the way I want it and I have a level of freedom my mum and my sister (a single parent) could only dream of. I'm incredibly thankful for the lessons they've taught me in how I don't want to live.
we have kids and an amazing successful life. They are not mutual exclusive
@@sterlingmarshel6299 I did not say they were mutually exclusive. However, my life would certainly be a lot less extraordinary if children were involved. Personal opinion :)
@@sterlingmarshel6299amazing by YOUR standards. People have different concepts of what an amazing life is.
@@auemmjeeok and that is HER concept, take it or leave
As a man, I'd be miserable with kids and I've made that very clear while dating. I'm perfectly happy with my cat. She's more than enough. Great video Shelby, these commentary videos have been excellent.
thank you!
Thats a sign of toxoplasmosis
@@guysumpthin2974 lmao no it's a sign that I like my free time.
I hope there are more guys that don't want kids. Less competition for the girls that do 😉.
Agreed. I don't want kids I don't even like them. But I love my cat Violet more than anything she's the center of my whole world. And she's more than enough as well.
I'm 33. and I have never had that urge to have kids. but I was always afraid to say it aloud. I always thought that I have to have kids one day, otherwise, what is the fulfillment in life? It is about two years since I finally said aloud and accepted the fact that I just don´t want kids and this was such a relief I feel happier than ever, suddenly there is no pressure on me, don´t need to think about my age, and I just feel free. I love my life, I love my work, I have a good career, I live in a nice city, have my cat, have many hobbies, love traveling and I feel completely fulfilled. Many people asked me what I will do when I will be old, who will take care of me? But I know several elderly people who have kids and are still lonely and I think it would be such a selfish reason for having kids. Another reason that really scared me about having kids and I know it may sound like a really dumb reason, but in my surroundings unfortunately I know few families whose kids have been born sick. This makes me so sad and it is something I would never want to deal with. And even if there is just a small percentage that this would happen to me, it is something that just scares me really bad.
All valid reasons, but as someone who initially didn't want a kid I'll say having a kid really does change you mentally. You're brain chemistry really does change, which apparently is true based on scientific studies. I'll say I am very lucky with my child since she is super calm and easy to take care of, unlike some children I have seen which keep me from wanting another child lol. It's great having a child you can do things with, she's now into an age where she can actually do things with me like skateboarding, playing music, or just enjoy playing video games which none of I forced her into she just wants to be apart of the things I do which I love.
My mom made it clear that she had kids because she was afraid to not having anyone to take care of her when she could no longer work! 😬😬😒
Good for you, cats rock! And if anyone ever asks me who will take care of me when I'm wretchedly old, I'll just say "A trained medical professional, hopefully one who looks like Dua Lipa". Keep doing you, nobody can do it better...
Exact my age - 33 , exact my fears - what if child is not born healthy , omg we resemble so much in thinking
The lack of awareness is astounding.
19:38 It's way better to regret not having a child than to regret having one. Not only one life would be damaged, but two, with the child having a parent who is unhappy about their existence...
It’s kind of not “okay not to” at my age. I have known since I was a kid myself that I didn’t want children, but people still harass me about it, from co-workers, casual acquaintances, to complete strangers. The question is generally “Do you have kids yet?” And then the statement that follows “well there’s still time.” There is still quite a lot of stigma and pressure.
I am the same about kids from an early age and no one has given me shit about it.
@@waynewallace2061 and are you a guy? Cuz if so, that’s why.
That really sucks. Ask those judgemental people if they will foot your daycare bill LOL. They have a lot of opinions but they wouldn't lift a finger if you listened to them. Live your life.
Society seems to force their ideology onto you in the belief that everyone should be exactly the same and merge with the faceless masses Married, 2 kids, mortgage, lousy job That's what life is meant to be, is it?
Why do u care what they have to say? It’s your life, you have every right to not have children. But in case it bothers you, just lie to them and say you’ve got 5 children😂
My one uncle and aunt never had kids. They were always the fun uncle and aunt because they had the patience with all of their nephews, nieces and great nephews and nieces. Sadly my uncle passed away a few years ago. Then my aunt felt like she messed up with not having kids (feeling alone) and cried on the floor telling me this when he passed but I told her she will never be alone because all of us will be calling, stopping by, and spending time with her. ❤
I love that! ❤
Having kids isn’t a guarantee you won’t be alone and it’s horrible to bring kids into this world with that kind of expectation. My mom has those expectations for us and it makes me resent her more. I won’t be in peace til she passes and that expectation no longer exists.
Some of us childfree people don't want to be cool/fun aunts/uncles, either! I have nothing to do with any of my nieces and nephews and I'm too poor to ever be a fun uncle. Their parents are rich compared to me and they get everything they ever want, anyway. My childfree sister WISHES she could be a cool aunt, but she's not allowed around any of the children in our extended family, lol.
@@beraudmusictypical western mentality. No wonder everyone’s on anti depressant pills. You resent your mom for her wanting you guys in her life? Ugh selfish.
@@MatthewTheWanderer😂 lmao! you sound too miserable to be the fun anything, if we're being honest.
I am so fortunate to be a stay at home mom of two littles (in the sense we can live comfortably off one income) but dang... people often don't know about the extreme loneliness and boredom of life at home. I just don't think humans are intended to live alone day after day with small children in isolated suburbs... our current world is just constructed for parental loneliness unfortunately. It sets moms up for failure. I love my kids and I know this is a "net gain" in my life. But I look forward to the day when they're in school and I can pursue some other interests of mine.
I have seen people with 12 kids spending all there life in raising them and at the end everyone leaves parents helpless.
I’m 30 and have dreamt of adopting for about 25 years. I made a lot of foolish monetary mistakes from age 16-27, and I am now working extra hard to pay off that debt in hopes of being able to afford the ridiculous cost of adoption. I don’t know why people think having kids only means giving birth. My step dad adopted me as one of his own kids.
Are you open to fostering?
damn im the same. I thought motherhood as something that is very sacred and I also really want to raise a child. But having depression for almost 10 years, I can never imagine giving birth. Is it weird that I only want to adopt a kid instead of giving birth of my own ?
I would say that a step parent is slightly different in adoption to just straight up adoption but regardless it's good & I'm in support of this. I see nothing wrong with people having their own kids (giving birth) but adoption definitely needs to be normalised in society much more & for more ages rather than just the young children as even teenagers need loving parents & homes too. People who think it's unethical to bring children into this world should open their minds to adopting / fostering children who are already apart of this world. The world needs more love & there's no reason to be against this & even the statistics of being some sort of a parents, guardian, adult role model to these children will change their world & help them not fall into depravity if society
I've always said this! If I should ever change my mind, why wouldn't I just choose from the MILLIONS of unwanted or abandoned children already on the planet?? Why would I need to put myself through pregnancy and labor? There are more than enough children here already who've done nothing wrong, except be born to parents who either couldn't or wouldn't take care of them
I would adopt children only if I know their biological parents are passed. I have no sympathy for ignorant parents or single parents unless he/she is widow.
I would imagine owning and operating a child care business in New York and California would be a liability nightmare.
This was such a well researched, well reasoned and thought provoking video Shelby! As a childfree woman who has always felt ‘othered’ by my choice, it feels really nice to have a (public) community these days. It has helped me a lot especially as a newlywed, as people always expect you to start having kids after marriage. It kinda validates my point being able to go ‘look at all these other women who don’t!’. Not that anyone should have to explain their choices either way!
I wish you all the best
I like how you are tackling complex societal problems head-on in these longer series. Keep 'em coming 💪💪💪
I have never wanted kids ever. I am almost 37 and happily child free
Love this for you 💗
Good for you. I can’t imagine my life without my kids, they are adults now but they are everything to me.
Im almost 37 as well and i look 10 years younger then all my friends (women and men) who had kids. I also have way more money and go on amazing holidays. Ive had people with kids tell me that they secretly wish they made the same choice i did and they hate their lives.
This is great to read. I often worry if I will have my regrets once it’s too late. Not enough of that fear to actually have kids though. Haha.
That’s great, I’m happy our society will rid itself of your genes😅
Honestly, one of the most validating videos I’ve ever watched. Team No Way I’m paying nearing $2,000 per month for childcare. One because I don’t have that kind of expendable income and two, no. 🙃 Team No Way I’m Subjecting My Child to a Childhood of Neglect Because I Can’t Work FT and Give Them the Time They Deserve at the same time. I was a preschool teacher for nearing ten years and it was the most fulfilling job I’ve had to date- I got to love those kids unconditionally for anywhere between 8-10 hours per day, but that 8-10 hours with me meant maybe two to three with their parents and then bedtime and then back to me and I saw how it affected them and would never want that for my own. My mom struggled as a single parent and that drastically affected our relationship as a result. I felt like a financial burden or as a means of my mom using me to support herself and as a child, I should have never had to feel that way, I couldn’t imagine making another feel similarly. If I can’t give them a life they deserve, I don’t want to create life. And that’s okay.
Perfectly said
thank you for this video Shelby! the economic aspect with population decline and it's effect was never something i thought about that deep, learned a lot with Japan's example
You quoted Hollyweird actors on a social issue? Please don't make that mistake again.
Says the clown that votes for a Hollywood actor for President. LOL
She didn’t quote Candice Camron, Melissa Joan Hart, Kelsey Grammer, Kristy Swanson, Tim Allen, Caitlyn Jenner, James Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, Jerry Bruckheimer, Scott Baio, Roseanne Barr, Dennis Quaid, Jon Voight, Dean Cain, or John Ratzenberger.
You can’t really ignore them given how much hate some of them get.
I can really relate to the part that it's hard to find a qualified man these days. What blows my mind is that I'm not even looking for a rich and handsome man...all I want is a decent guy with a stable job and a kind heart whom I can feel secure enough to build a family with. For me that is the bare minimum but apparently that in itself is rare which makes me question the kind of society that we have now. 80% of the women I know in their late 20s and early 30s are single with the same reason that there are no qualified guys out there. A lot of women don't have high standards unlike other men claim...we just want the bare minimum expected for a future partner and if no guy meets that, then there is no way we will settle for less and sacrifice our lives for a guy not worth building a future with.
Agreed
Totally agree. If I hadn't met my husband I think I would have been single forever. It's pretty bleak out there.
Of course just blame the men as usual. Men are 50% of the population but if 80% of the women you know think none meets their standards, clearly it can't be because their standards are too high.
I want to have kids but I keep having to argue with men to brush their teeth so how can I raise kids with that
It’s all in your head. As Gracie Slick said “feed your head”. In other words your expectations are unrealistic. Women always expect the man to make at least 50% more than they do themselves. In other words they have no intention of being equal partners but are always looking for a sugar daddy at least to some modest extent. But people are individuals and not permanent members of couples to any tangible degree. Marriage is a phony religious concept engineered to keep the peasants in line so they would be amenable to being controlled by the church.
in the last part of this video, you were talking about kids as someone’s fulfillment and it reminded my own mother’s story. when i moved out of my parents house at the of 19, my mom got really depressed. i think she realized that her whole life was only based on being a mother. she didn’t know what she was outside of motherhood. my dad left her (he was an asshole thou, but still), she got really depressed, and even tried to kill herself 4 times. it’s a sad and crazy situation for sure, but imma here to tell ya: don’t have kids to be your own little-personal-life project or fulfillment. only have kids if you’re a ready to raise an individual :)
A life fulfillment project is fine. Like she talks about in the video, it’s super hard and takes all your time so changing your mindset around it to something positive is necessary. Really big life changes are super rough. I’m sorry to hear that about your mom. Moving to a new place for a job where you don’t know anybody is another example, it is super depressing until you find your crowd if you even do.
@@minabotieso6944not having a life outside of your relationship with someone is gross
I know I never wanted kids, and it was impossible to find a potential partner who agreed, and every older person brow beat me about how I'd change my mind. Twenty years later, society is finally catching up.
@TotenKopf11 Absolutely. Embrace it! Good luck with finding someone, though, too, if that's your desire.
Great channel, Shelby. Good content, research, and insight. Keep them coming 😊
You just described my situation. I started my own business last year and I'm putting every singly penny I have into it. There is no way in hell I would be able to take this risk if I had kids to support. I would probably find another life sucking job, and be miserable working for someone else just to support my kids. But I'm taking control of my life and I'm taking a chance on my dream.
I never thought strongly about whether or not I wanted kids, but I always thought of my future with kids being there, if that makes sense. We have kids and all I can say is THEY'RE EXPENSIVE! Both my wife and I make six figures. I was very responsible and went to a college I could afford and only came out with $13K in student loan debt and that's been paid off. We're basically paying off our kids college and man oh man, it's expensive. Then there's all of the crap we paid for throughout the years. Childcare, tennis lessons, signing lessons, you name it, we've paid for it. And my mother-in-law was a neonatal nurse who worked nights and watched our kids during the day for the first 2 years, or we would have had to have paid for that too! I can absolutely see why people don't want kids. It's too expensive, climate change, all of the wars and killing, let's just say if I was graduating college today, I'd think twice about having them.
I’m child free by choice, I’m 44 and married at 38. Was a late bloomer in my career and love life And just never had the desire… and I’m so happy with my decision, even more by the day ❤ thanks for the video! Very insightful!
This video randomly came across my feed and I’m so glad it did! I think these are fantastic points! I think it is more socially acceptable to choose not to have kids (even though we still have a ways to go). This is touched on but I also think it is sad how isolating parenting has become. Parenting (in many places) used to be more of a community thing. Now there is so much pressure on parents and very little help unless you are lucky or can pay for it. I don’t mean this to sound like a good ol times post because in most ways we’ve gotten better in this issue, but the lack of community that has affected our culture in so many ways has really effected parenting. No one should have kids (or have to hear any comments about having kids) who doesn’t want them, but it makes me sad that some people would be great parents and fulfilled by having kids are choosing not to or delaying parenthood until it’s too late, because they can’t rely on a community.
I am, by choice, no children. In many nations~Japan & Italy are at zero birth rate. I have read area of Italy are turning school into senior citizen facilities. I am 74. Over the decades there were moments when I almost buckled but I remained true to my children free values. I taught for 35 years. I got enough of the child experience at work.
You lived a selfish life.
@@bookinsights1092 You are entitled to your opinion.
@@bookinsights1092I really don’t get this argument, why is it selfish to not have kids?
@suga3774 because when you get old you begin to rely on government pensions that are only given when there is younger working population. Admitting that you chose to not have kids but wants to benefit off those who did for your expenses is selfish cause that creates the burden many young people face today. U
@@manovrsb Selfish? I disagree but you are entitled to your beliefs
I’m a pediatric nurse and absolutely love kids. I personally feel life will be very lonely when I’m older but I’m 28, type 1 diabetic and struggle with financial freedom, mental health, etc. I don’t think I would ever have my own children. I see myself fostering or adopting maybe later in life.
People can feel lonely in a roomful of people. Loneliness can be created or mitigated by going within. You're not alone spiritually
I’m going to be 31 this year. I never had a desire for kids even at a young age. I was open at a few points in life to them because that’s what people do and thought about the fulfillment part of it. I’m happy with sticking to my choice and continue living the lifestyle I have.
Can we please appreciate the way that Garnier banner was made 👏👏👏 amazing video keep them coming Shelby!❤
People in 2024 have choices. And they are choosing NOT to make anymore sacrifices. And it's why teens are opting out of higher education. Why the inexperienced aren't accepting entry-level positions. Why employees aren't working harder to gain experience. Why people in their 20's aren't dating. Why couples aren't getting married. And finally... Why adults aren't procreating.
Yup... Choosing to be lazy lol
Lets be honest a lot of them are entitled, the internet messed up people expectatives, men can get good paid jobs without going to college most jobs women prefer require degrees, people aren´t dating because again they give up to soon and don´t make any effort , before women relied on men so they made an effort and societal pressure told them divorce was bad and you were shunned by ´the village´or if you dated various men you were a whore ect.
@@MrsMuffin11nothing wrong with being lazy if you aren’t neglecting others.
@@reckonerwheel5336 no
@@MrsMuffin11many people are choosing to not have kids so they can have essential and high stress careers such as working in medicine, law, social services, etc. how on earth is that lazy? You contribute much more to society as a scientist than as a parent who works a high paying useless job like marketing because it pays well.
Also, parenting is sooooooo much harder than I ever thought it would be. Especially having a child that's had a lot of medical issues. When you decide to have kids, it's a roll of the dice, you don't know what you are going to get. You could have a very easy child, or a VERY hard child. And it takes its toll.
I love these video essays! Keep it up! 🙌
i really like these thoughtful deep dives you have been doing on various very interesting topics.
It’s harder today to have kids. There are so many diseases that cause infertility, along with side effects that just leave you sick and unable to take care of kids. I have endometriosis but I also have autoimmune disease that just cause severe body pain! I am unable to care for a child. Now as I look back I’m thankful that I never got married and got pregnant! That would have been so hard!
I am child free. I have bi-polar type 2 and take meds and have never regretted not having kids. I remember when I was going to therapy about 20 years ago my therapist told me that since I didn't have children I should turn to GOD for fulfillment (I am an atheist). I had gone to her for YEARs and I was like WTF! How DARE she judge me and I just couldn't believe it. At the time, I asked her to repeat it as I wasn't sure I heard it right. She confirmed it and I walked out telling her she crossed the line and I never went back to her. Fulfillment is different for every person and I have helped people over the years and plan to donate my estate to the California Science Center. This makes me happy.
Have you been tested for the mthfr gene? This isn't a joke. Depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia run in my wife's family..ALL have this gene which inhibits the processing of b vitamins.
Yea u do have bi polar 😂lol aint that deep bro 😘chil
Here in India, our problem is exactly opposite, overpopulation. Same problem in China as well.
And you forgot Africa too.
@@olg06 yeah, them too
China's population is shrinking now
The world can't take it anymore
Low birthrates is a white people problem
I’m 54 and didn’t have kids. No regrets. Only reason I’m not broke lol 😂
I can see why a lot of people these days don’t want children. People are seeing the world for what it is now, a mess. They see a bleak future, and bringing a child into this chaotic world feels like setting them up for disappointment. Plus, it’s becoming more and more expensive with the cost of living skyrocketing and the job market looking pretty bleak. If we’re all trying to survive now, let alone think about the future generations. But amidst the uncertainty, there is always the possibility of hope and creating a better future.
You are a classic depressive person who can see only the bad in the world. I hope you recover. Read about the Depression. People whining about not having enough money today are so twisted.
@@tomthx5804 Wow, thanks for the armchair diagnosis. It’s not about seeing only the negatives, it’s about recognizing and acknowledging the real challenges we face everyday. And for you to dismiss the financial struggles that many of us are facing as mere whining? That’s a pretty twisted perspective in itself.
@@tomthx5804facts
According to objective measures, the world has never been less messy, less chaotic, or easier to survive in. I can understand how it does feel this way. We are aware of more that's going on in the world and negative messages sell. And in pockets of the world or on shorter timelines, there are of course examples that appose this trend. But the trajectory of the world is bright and prosperous!
@@tomthx5804ummm this isn't depression this is fact...
I'm childfree after knowing by my mid teens kids weren't for me. I like kids just didn't want the responsibility or expense. Now at 63 I've never had a regret. A lot of people my age are financially bailing out their adult kids or raising grand kids.
Interesting review, Shelby - thanks for the video! I'm currently doing a study of my own on the topic (albeit from a different angle), and the complexity and nuance of this phenomenon are striking. I think it's even more interesting to see **why** the cultural shift towards fewer (or no) children has occurred in the first place - and conversely, why having many kids has been normal historically, and whether this is a more "normal" new equilibrium. The only thing I'd say is that "increased economic inequality" is probably not the best term to use to describe the relative growth of cost of living to salary/wages - "cost of living crisis" is more accurate here. Either way, great work and I really enjoy these commentary series!
GREAT video Shelby! I've seen a movement in more women talking about their choice to be child free. Oophh, some of these comments are quite heavy but all valid. I am the only one of my childhood friend group to not have kids. One now tells her own children to not do it (possibly a la Britney Spears as Ana A mentions). Another friend recently divorced and admitted she never saw herself raising them alone. She also attempted to find a new partner (either with kids of his own or not) to keep that dream alive and discovered that the dating pool (as mentioned in this video) was not what it was 20 years ago. After 6 months, as a single mom of two, on the dating apps, she deleted all the apps and confided to me that she realized she would have to wait until the kids were grown and gone to start living her ideal solo life. She shared trying to find someone to help her raise the kids or even someone to spend the golden years didn't seem promising based on her 6 months on the apps. She doesn't regret it (having the kids) but she does admit she never considered the possibility of being a single mom, that was never the dream. As for me, I am now 43, child-free, and very thankful I stuck it out. I relate to this video a lot in many ways, because I too knew from a young age it wasn't for me. I even sadly had to let go of some pretty amazing men/relationships (during those child-bearing years) due to this choice. They wanted kids, I did not. I wouldn't keep them from their dreams. But I also couldn't provide it. I always considered, if things didn't work out between us or if something happened to him, would I be happy raising them on my own, and the answer was always "no", because it wasn't my dream to begin with. The topic is very delicate, and I too have so much respect and admiration for people who choose to become parents. I'm just thankful for Betty White and Jennifer Anniston for being one of the many brave women to pave the way. Really enjoyed watching this one.
I don't plan on having kids of my own, but I have a niece and a nephew! I'm a proud uncle! :)❤
I have 32 nieces and nephews.
Do yourself a favor and lock it in with a vasectomy..... Don't let yourself get harvested by a ticking bio clock opportunist later in life......
The right decision is the decision that you make based on what you want and not on other's opinions. And I think that’s only what matters. ❤
really informative video, lots of perspectives covered and points brought up with nuanced data.
You'll notice from your chart there are two huge dips. The first was when the world was at war and men were away, but it recovered fully after the war. The 2nd is after the invention of birth control women could use (the pill). This is significant because it tells you women didn't WANT to have kids or so many kids and finally had a way in THEIR control to avoid that and they sure used it. The birth rate never rose much after that. Women finally had control over their own bodies (esp once abortion became legal) and they exercised that right. It was less that women wanted a ton of kids before and more that they had no way to prevent it, esp if married. Once they had that control, we saw how they really felt. Combine that with the fact that both had to work full time to pay the bills and you get women who don't have time or money to be Moms even if they could. We won't see a huge uptick anytime soon, and with the increasing fertility issues due to endocrine disruptors in literally everything we touch these days, maybe ever. Now, in the less developed countries, they still have a ton of kids simply because the women have no control to avoid it, no access to birth control (also an obscene amount of r@pe). That tells you a lot. Now, back in the day, familes NEEDED a lot of kids to run the farm and the little stores and factories, etc., but today, we actually don't need any. This will become a HUGE problem with the aging population that requires care and no young people to feed money into the system that does that. That is why it is SO damn important that YOUR generation be the generation to change things. Clean up the world, clean up the dangerous politics, clean up the toxic emotional environment we've created and bring back integrity and care for the earth and each other and far less greed. Fight for a better world now and you can fix it and make it worth populating again. If that doesn't happen, well, the world won't exist anymore really.
You can actually not have intercourse instead of offing a baby
My aunt says that every Generation counts on the newest Generation to clean up. She heard in the 80s her Generation will do better, I heard it too. I gave no will to care. Let Gen Alha ir Beta be better. I didn't cause it. It's not that people over 20 loose Power, in contrary, it's the old Generation that makes decisions. Like old people in Governments. Let those do the cleaning and repairing who have the money and the power
Why did your Generation do nothing? The problems existed many decades ago. You just did nothing and even made it worse
It’s crazy to see the effects of telling everyone to go to college and take out student loans
Hi Shelby, I’m really liking the subjects you’ve been discussing recently. As a fan, I like watching the videos. If you plan to have this format in the future, can I make a couple of suggestions? Can there be an outline of what you’re going to talk about? It seems like there was a lot of jumping subjects. I also think there should be references to the Tik Tok or Instagram users that you showed in your video. I wanted to look up the sources, but I didn’t see any
this isn't that kind of channel - it is a put out content (without citing sources), taps a couple of hearts and move on to the next video
I'm 42 and childfree. I can hardly think of anything that would completely ruin my life more than having children! I hate being around kids and can't understand why anyone would ever want to have any!
Omg SAME!!! I love all animals, except humans.
I get thats ur personal opinion . But i really offends people that u go far telling others how to live . I HAVE THEM SO RESPECT THAT . I hate that u see it as something negative . ITS NOT plus u really dont know until u are there . What ur doing is hating kids and that just Evil .
@@paloma_lopez Yeah, it's ageism. People hate kids simply for existing. For some reason it's totally socially acceptable to hate a whole group of people because they are humans who happen to be young.
@@paloma_lopezshe's not telling people how to live. And what's evil is having kids and then being a horrible parent which is what most people do.
@@sonicleavesthey're obnoxious
I’m a mom to a three year old and being a mom makes me so much more sympathetic to people who aren’t. Being a parent is hard and some days, it really really sucks. I think we need to normalize talking about moms struggling. The bad days make you appreciate the good days way more. I love my son with my entire soul but this is not for everyone. I and so so happy for those of you that don’t have to think about childcare, diapers, feeding your kids, giving up your freedom. Like there’s luxuries on both sides. Also, can we normalize being one and done? Like I have zero desire to have more kids.
They become much more enjoyable when they become around four and a half to five years old.
I wouldn’t say I was team no kids but more team no kids in my 20s because I simply didn’t have the urge. After 30 and being married for 4 years with no kids, suddenly the stars aligned and it just hit us that we were ready! Never say never, factors in your life change and then boom lol a mini bestie for life ❤
good for you!!
This happened for me too! At 20 I didn't think I would ever get married or have kids, but got married at 30 and am now 32 with a baby. Everyone's path is different and decisions can certainly change!
@@heatherlazo2342 love that for you 💗 I also had a fear I wouldn’t be super nurturing but it totally comes naturally when it’s your own baby 🥹
@missilenejoy @heatherlazo2342 I'm so happy for both of you! 💗. I'm not planning to be a mom anytime soon but I can totally see that. Even as a teen I was naturally nurturing & protective to kids and pets 🥹 I feel people are too dogmatic about decisions that should be highly personal choices. We need more flexible about these too. I've been in tradwife spaces lately and it's the exact opposite of this. We tend to justify & reaffirm what we believe in rather than challenge them. I always explore both sides and this video raised a lot of great points!
Good, this will give meaning to your life.
I don’t want my kids being discriminated against I’m 5,7 and I’m invisible to the opposite sex
I was a step dad for a few years and I do not want to have kids anymore. Good thing I had a trial run first. Also, I don't ever want to date a single mom ever again, it's not a job I want to take on, but other people may like it. Just not for me.
You are not the only one. It's a thankless job.
I will say having been in both situations, its a lot different when its your own kids. its an ugly truth but you will never love them like your own.
It's a lot different when you have your own. I'm not one to enjoy being around other people's kids. We just had our first and I'm so in love lol even when it's hard, I love being a mom 🩷
@@cm-ex8nbmost people don't enjoy parenting their own kids....you didn't notice this during the pandemic?
@@MrsMuffin11not for most people
Shelby, you bring up such good points... Great research!
Thanks so much!
Love your pd add for Garner Fructis frizz 😊❤ subtle but grabs your attention haahaaa 😊Very creative editing! I love your videos Ms.Shelby 🥰
I've known from an early age that I wasn't relationship or parent material, mostly due to coming from a dysfunctional background, even before realising that my family was so screwed up and dysfunctional, when my grandmother was alive, she used to say that from the age of 7, I always said that I'd never get married and I'd never have children, 50 years later, I've never been in a long term relationship, never even thought about marriage or becoming a parent.
Hey Shelby! I am 29 years old, have a one year old and am also pregnant with the second one. I live in Latvia (Europe) and here we actually have one of the best maternity leaves (you can choose 1 year or 1.5 years) and free childcare (state funded). With all of this our birth rate is still one of the lowest. I myself always wanted children, but I don't know if I would have them if I wouldn't have met the perfect partner to have them with. This is actually one of the main reasons I chose my husband, because I knew that he would be a great father, at the time I thought that he would be a better parent than I would be as a mother. I have not regretted a single ounce of having my baby girl and I know that 2 under 2 will be difficult, but in my case I know that it is worth it and I am not alone, we are a team with my husband. Of course, the financial aspect also played a role, when we both got jobs in IT and got our own place we felt secure enough to have children. Since our journey so far has been so great (not a fussy baby, great sleeper) I can only recommend having children, but, of course, I also know that children are different, people are different and many things have to align in order for you to want kids and be ready for them. On the other hand my sister who moved to the US doesn't want kids, especially in the US, since she recognizes how expensive and difficult it would be, the maternity leave is not anywhere close to what we have here in Latvia, but I am not pressuring her in no way or trying to change her mind, everybody has a different journey and I really liked your point that people who want to have kids should be supported. Great video!
People who choose not to have children should pay additional tax to fund young people who want to have kids but don't have the finances to do so. Because I know many young people ( 30 y/o and below ) who want kids but are not in a financial position to have them. If government don't find ways to help young people who want to start families and have kids then the only solution will be mass immigration and this then create heavy political polarization and may lead to civil wars because people will start noticing different population groups growing and their own groups shrinking which causes hate and resentment e.g. USA, UK, France, Germany etc.
@@bookinsights1092 , how would you separate the people who want to have children but can't afford it from the ones who don't want to have children but can't afford it? They're both in the same financial predicament. Your first statement makes no sense.
@@bookinsights1092in no way is anyone obligated to pay anyone else just because they have different aspirations in life.
I am glad to see we are rejecting societal norms. No kids 🙌🏾
Cringe
@@XxforevercandygirlXx your momma
Can we all just get along. Hmm, you might be on to something. No kids🤔.
@@Blue-ke9fu you mother should have not had you
@@XxforevercandygirlXxnice flex
This was a great topic to touch on, thank you Shelby!
I didn’t always want kids, but I definitely felt more of a pull to motherhood around 23/24. My husband and I didn’t want to start trying until about 2 years after we were married, but it took us a whole year to actually get that positive pregnancy test. I’m now 37 weeks pregnant, 29 y.o., and so excited to welcome our first child into the world any week now. I’ve watched my now 31 y.o. sister raise her 3 kids over the last few years and I’m not ignorant to how raising a child and motherhood works. I think the key is to find a community of other moms so you can still get out of the house and do fun things - with and without your babies. I think also having a good support system (family and close friends) is also important, especially in the newborn phase. Ultimately, I believe motherhood and raising a child is what you make of it and your mindset. You can choose to be lonely at home or you can actively try to form a community or do things that will bring joy to your life. I’m so thankful I have a good group of friends who are in the same stage as me already, where I can lean on them and do things with them. I am also a self employed wedding photographer - 2 years ago I couldn’t be more excited to travel for elopements and scale my business. Now, I can’t wait to work less, spend more time at home, and raise a human. Definitely never thought I would say that but I think it is the motherly instinct that is coming out. Work and travel isn’t everything and there is such joy in watching your OWN child grow up and experience life. It’s a selfless act, but sometimes I think we all live pretty selfish lives.
I'm 30 and we just had our first. I will say, if your partner is going back to work within the first two months, I strongly recommend having someone to stay with you or at least spend 6-8 hours a day with you during the work week so that you can get some rest. It was so hard for me week 3 my hubby went back to work so I was by myself for 16-18 hours a day and I was so lonely and exhausted. Take care of yourself and ask for help before you get desperate!!
I'm just telling you because I wish someone told me! I've taken care of lots of kids, even newborns but having to be present 24/7 for your child and find time to recover from labor and delivery at the same time is stressful. Even if everything goes smoothly, as it did in my case. I honestly wish you the best 🩷
@@MrsMuffin11 thank you!! My husband will be home for about a month but I also have a great support system. Not sure if my personality type would want someone over for 8 hours every day, but I definitely have family and friends to call on during the day if I need anything!!
Amen!!!!
Life is stressful enough, I'm not going to add more stress by having kids.
I wouldn't call it a movement. I didn't really choose to not have kids. Economic conditions did not / have not allowed me to feel like I can support myself let alone a family. I was raised with the values that I need a house that I own to raise a family. At 38 I've just about watch that boat leave the harbor.
I’m 33 and still on the fence, because my life hasn’t gotten to a stage where I can comfortably choose to have kids. I probably will not have them, and it’s almost entirely due to the economy making it too hard. I know I’ll be unhappy under that much financial stress, and I don’t want to put that anxiety on a kid like my parents did.
Great video, very thought provoking. I don’t have kids, and have no regrets. My wife and two pups keep me very fulfilled! I am worried about the future of social security, the way it is currently set up.
Thank you for posting about this. I am a mom to two children and while I would die for them without even thinking twice about it and there is no love or pride that equates to that which you have for your kids, I would not recommend it for everyone. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and sometimes I wish I could go back in time. So, go off with your child free lifestyle and I’ll live vicariously through you 😂
Depends on your circumstances. If you have help, nannies, involved family etc. it’s not the hardest thing
I’d die for my mother without a second thought.
Loved this conversation, you killed it! Gave me a lot to think about.