My Eating Disorder Story
This is the first time I’m addressing my eating disorder for my friends and family to see. I’ve been aware of its severity for a long time now, and even addressed it on Twitter and an invisible illness video on someone else’s channel ( • 25 people describe the... ), but I was always careful to talk about it where no one I knew would see it. So, three years into my eating disorder, here it is: all my dirty laundry hung out for you to see.
After three years of disordered eating, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I need to recover before it’s too late. I could feel my body giving up over the past few weeks and I’m forever grateful to my loved ones for giving me the kick up the butt I needed to choose recovery.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, or even if you’re unsure, please reach out to someone. It can be a professional, a loved one, a stranger on the internet… Just please, don’t feel like you need to struggle alone. My DMs are always open on Twitter or Instagram.
SOURCES:
❤ beatingeatingdisorderspage.wo...
❤ www.nhs.uk/conditions/eating-...
❤ www.mind.org.uk/information-s...
❤ www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
Mental health helplines:
❤ www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-...
❤ www.cocoonais.com/mental-healt...
My mental health episodes: • Mental Health 🖤
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Edited on VSDC Video Editor, Free Edition.
Thumbnails and banner made on Canva.
Filmed on Samsung j5 2017.
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Instagram: / samantha.aimeee
Facebook: / samantha-aimee-1708198...
Twitter: / slythergoth
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See you soon with another video.
#eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #mentalillness
this whole video legit just called me out
Sending you all the love 🖤 recovery is a struggle but it's worth it
ONG 💀
I have literally every eating disorder. I’ve binged, purged, starved, overexercised, chew and spit, everything for the past nine years. I’m 27, fucked up but trying to get better. My worst thing is when I start eating healthy, I get obsessed. I stay away from carbs and I lose lots of weight and over exercise then I start binging. Then I will overeat and gain all the weight back. Then I restrict again. My body has been through A LOT. I’m surprised I’m not dead yet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this 💜 I get quite obsessed with healthy eating too, it's a harsh habit to break. Stay strong, friend. I wish you all the best 🖤
You'll get there. You have a strong heart. Strong enough to admit what you put yourself through.
Your weight should never be addressed by anybody else - your body is yours, not for others to comment on. I am so proud of you for starting this recovery! I can't imagine how hard it is, but you're gonna be ok.
It makes me sad that we're conditioned not to love our natural bodies. Also the fact that we feel the need to criticise others! It always made me so stubborn whenever someone made a comment to me. Thank you my love 🖤💚💜
@@SamanthaAimee I totally get why - it just perpetuates things. I've been following body posi people on insta and it was one of the best decisions I made this year!
@@loopyfrog me too! I watch quite a bit of body positive youtube too 😊🖤
@@SamanthaAimee ooh I hadn't thought of looking on here!
loopyfrog agreed no one should addressing someone weight 😩😍size . Not everyone built same size .. some ppl natural healthy weight with booty slim body not everyone have same body weight either
Firstly, I think you’re ears are adorable so yea! Also, I have a very similar story to you and that’s really comforting. Thank you
Thank you. I hope you're doing okay 💚
Melina Smiros ~ Irish pixie ears
Hi Sam, I know this video is 4 years old, but you don't seem to have a recovery video less than 3 years old, so I'm commenting this here. I am so glad I watched this video from my Recommended. Never seen your channel before this. I was worried that watching yet another AN story would trigger me, but for some reason I thought this one would be safe. And it was...as well as being extremely encouraging!!! My own ED history goes back five years to 2019, when I had symptoms of Orthorexia for a year then recovered from that through purely being fed up with being addicted to macronutrient- and calorie-counting, then on-and-off had symptoms of Atypical AN (OSFED), then I was diagnosed with ADHD, severe clinical depression, [and a reading disability] at the end of 2022. My AN mindset and restrictive behaviours continued until last year (2023) June, when I went to Hungary on internship for two months and had major oversleeping/fatigue issues, although I was back to the disordered overeating. My sleep issues in Hungary accidentally lost me a ton of weight, and when I got home in early August and stepped on the scale/truly stared in the mirror, I was elated. This triggered what I believe to be legitimate AN, until this year January (2024). Because I'd already tried every ED trick under the sun during my years of OSFED symptoms, and the tricks didn't seem to work for me, I used my sleep issues to continue down the path of self-destruction. (Btw, I wasn't ever diagnosed with OSFED nor AN, because I didn't get help. I refused to see my GP to get a physical/bloodwork done since high school, because I hated my larger body in adulthood once I had a say in my medical care). In January, I decided to start telling my trusted close circles about my issues with body image and eating enough, because I didn't want them to say anything and force me into treatment. Pretty soon, I came around to the idea of actually, legitimately recovering, instead of being in and out of either restrictive ED behaviour/mindset or disordered emotional overeating for years. After a couple months of trying to recover on my own, I realised I couldn't do so without medical advice/intervention, since I was still losing weight (and increasingly concerned about it). In March, my psychologist at the time referred me to an ED-specialised psychologist, seeing that he couldn't offer me the level of care I needed: my physical health was becoming life-or-death. Soon, the next month (after telling my dad [who's a GP] my story, and him agreeing that I need to see a Registered Dietitian [RD] *stat*), I started to see the ED-specialised psychologist and found a RD who provides outpatient treatment for EDs. Now, it is nearing the end of May, and I am still losing body fat [I've lost basically all of my muscle], because 1. I still sleep too much and don't really know how to reset my circadian rhythm, and 2. I don't want to get Refeeding Syndrome from weight-restoring too quickly. I've been seeing my ED-specialised psychologist and RD for a number of weeks, and this week I am seeing my GP to discuss ADHD meds and book a physical and bloodwork. I am much more apprehensive of the physical than the bloodwork, as I am fine with needles but I don't want my GP to assess me and immediately recommend that I go inpatient at a hospital. So, we'll see how that goes. Healing my physical and mental illness(es) seems to be going slower than I'd hoped, but I'm staying hopeful that I will eventually beat my [undiagnosed restrictive ED]! One thing that I try hard to do (besides journalling) is filling my mind with pro-recovery concepts whenever I get triggered and the ED thoughts come on. I have a list of reasons I want to recover, so I try to remind myself of those, as well as of the reasons I don't want to relapse (Exhibit A: inpatient treatment)!
I’ve heard that before, doctors advising food diaries or even health apps and in my opinion it’s insane, every time I heard this advise it led to people over obsessing. I think if a doctor doesn’t know enough about ED’s just don’t say anything and get your patient the help they deserve.
Dear Sam, thank you for this video. I struggle with my ED since I was 15. I am 27 now and I am finally, ready for recovery. We can do this, girl. We are going to get better and healthy. Luv u ❤️
I'm glad you're open to recovery and so happy for you! It's so hard but we'll get there. Much love 💜
I have eating problems in the opposite way, overeating my entire life, emotional eating. I have always said I avoid bad addictions to heavy drugs but I fail to remember I have an eating disorder and that can be as deadly as anything else. More long term. Thanks for sharing sam, stay strong as you are :)
Thank you for sharing, friend 💜 you hit the nail on the head, eating disorders are an addiction in their own way and just as serious. I hope you're good 💚🖤
@@SamanthaAimee I am just need to watch what I am eating cause my weight is high right now
I appreciate you shedding light on overeating. I’m 15, and very overweight due to emotional eating. It’s an endless cycle of “omg I’m so fat” to being absolutely heartbroken and then eating all sorts of junk. I am currently at my heaviest and have no idea what to do. This comment in general made me feel a sense of security. Knowing it’s something that happens often to other people, helps. Thank you for sharing that.💕
You're very brave and will get through this. You can't find a solution if you don't think there's a problem. So the fact that you are now at a point where you can admit to yourself that you have a problem and that you're ready to share it with us, is a great step in your recovery. I wish you the best luck and a lot of perseverance in your recovery journey 💜💜💜
Thank you so much 💚 it can only get easier from here - I hope!! 🖤💜
Stay strong Sam, and when those darker moments come, draw strength from the knowledge that your recovery may not just save your own life, but also those of many others watching these videos. You're doing a great thing.
Thank you 💚 it's hard to imagine how much longer this might have gone on if I hadn't had the support 😌 even though my body is punishing me now it was nice to eat cookies yesterday and know I won't be punishing myself! Next time I'm over maybe we'll have to have those milkshakes I turned down 🙂🍨💜
Wow. Too be honest I’ve watched more of these videos than I can even count, and this is by far the least triggering and the most informative. I can’t relate enough
Oh Sam I’m so sorry for what you went thru and I’m glad you are getting help. It’s really hard to not obsess about how we look
Thank you so much lovely 💜
For those of you coming across this now, know that it does get better. You are all amazing people who deserve to fight whatever it is that you struggle with.
Glad you chose life. Wishing you continued success and all the best to you!
off topic but those slytherin merch caught my attention, and im loving it
Hi Samantha thank you for sharing your story with us. You are so beautiful person inside and outside and a strong warrior. I'm still fighting against my ED and OCD and some days it's very hard. The relationship with my twin sister and my parents is getting worse because they don't understand why I am so sad and nervous. I hope to stay better soon. I'm working with a therapist every week. I send you all my love and a big hug. I'm so proud of you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Thank you for sharing ❤️ lots of love
Sending you lota of positivity on your new journey and I like that you were cognizant of the fact that this video might give people ideas you were candid and thoughtful throughout and empathetic to those who haven't chosen recovery yet.
It's difficult to know that anyone not ready to recover will completely ignore the trigger warnings because EDs are so competitive and self destructive. I've used videos like this to compare myself and I know other people will want to as well. I just hope it gives people hope and/or help 😌 thank you so much for your kind words 🖤💜💚
I appreciate you being so transparent. I know so many people who suffer from this. This video will help others who are also going through this. Thank you for all that you do!
Thank you so much 😌💜
Well done I'm so proud of you. This shows just how much you re loved and what amazing support there is around you. You're never alone . All you have to do is reach out to the people around you. You're such a beautiful and special person . Never ever think any different xx
Love you 3000 💜💚🖤💚💜
I'm so proud of you for making the choice to recover! You'll get through it!! It is really hard but it is so worth it and you are so worth nourishing and healing.
Thank you 🖤💜💚 I never believed it would be as hard as people said but it's definitely a challenge 😌
I have been dealing with an eating disorder and disordered eating for 4 years now, and this is the first video I have watched that actually made me want to recover. thank you.
Aw I'm so happy to hear that 💚 I wish you all the best
Just found this video today. Thank you. I've just come to terms with my disordered eating this past couple weeks. It's been a pattern of behaviour for YEARS and I want to break it before it becomes something full blown. You are so brave. ❤
I'm so proud of you 💜 support and help are always available to you, never be afraid to ask 💚 I wish you all the luck 🖤
You are an amazing person and we all struggle with different crutches. And good for you for putting it out there for others to hear and share your story with the world.
Thank you 🖤💚💜 I hope someone can find comfort in it and knowing they're not alone 😌
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm in recovery with my ED too, and you're just so inspirational. You are absolutely amazing, and you seem so sweet. Much love. Stay strong. -Jordan
Thank you, lovely 💜 I wish you all the best in your recovery 🖤
stay strong with your recovery and in communication with your mental health professionals.
Thank you 💚 I'm hoping to book my clinic appointment tomorrow 🙂🖤
As someone who had an ED a few years ago thank you for this video. It’s so hard to talk about and you’ve done so well for talking about it and wanting to recover. You can do this I believe in you these things do take time but every little step helps 💕
Thank you my love 🖤 I got so nervous about posting this but I'm glad it's being taken positively so far 💜 I'm glad you made it through 💚
This is such an inspirational video. I struggle with my weight a lot. I am proud of you for doing the recovery. You are a very beautiful inside and out.
Thank you my love 💜💚🖤
Thank you for sharing your story
Such a helpful inspirational video. Thank you so much for being brave and honest. 💜
thank you
By gosh, I can't wait to see you becoming YOU again. So to say: I can't wait to see MORE of YOU! Your unsuppressed body will be so thankful for you letting it recover fully. Love to you.
Thanks beautiful, much love 💚
This is the first time I've seen this video, I have seen the latest ones first, I have to say that in the most recent videos you look a lot more healthy, listening to how you got to your lowest and the reaction of those around you, it brought out the tears, I know that I've only seen you on here, but you have always been so upbeat, it upset me to know you had felt so low, I know you're not one who likes to be touched but I just wanted to hug you and tell you that your size and looks aren't what makes you, it's what's inside that makes you, you could be 20 stone, but with a personality like you have, it outweighs your size, I've never met you, but I sincerely hope that you stay on the road to recovery, who cares what anyone says or thinks of you, you know you're a good one, you got people around you who care about you, they don't care about your size or looks, they care about you, I am rooting for you to do well and get over this, keep it going
This means the world, thank you 🖤
Wishing you all the best for your recovery! ♥
Thank you 💚
I hope your recovery goes well!! It's a difficult journey but you're strong and you'll make it through. We completely support you ♡ I remember when I realised I had to get better. I just thought to myself, 'the only two options here are recovery or living in hell until my early death'. I realised I would never stop if I didn't recover. My recovery has been complicated and I've fallen back into my ed for short periods a couple of times since. However, I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't made that decision. I'm so glad I had the courage :)
Thank you so much for your comment 😌🖤 that was so well put about your two options, my heart rate is currently a constant reminder that if I carry on like it I won't last much longer 😕 and I realised I actually really like life! 😅💜💚
@@SamanthaAimee Yeah, life is actually pretty good and we need you in it
@@casper1754 aww ily thank you 🖤
Samantha Aimee, I just came across your youtube channel today for the first time. I don't know you but I cried at your honesty and integrity! I don't have an ED, but believe practically EVERYONE has something they are secretly dealing with. I am so tremendously proud of your strength! Sending you a virtual hug! Aimee Agatha. PS: When I saw your ears, I seriously thought they were magical.
Aw thank you so much!! Much love 💜🖤💚🥰
Aww Sammy so sorry your struggling with an eating disorder you are beautiful in every way your a strong honest person love you so much
Thank you, friend! Love you too 🖤
@@SamanthaAimee your definitely my friend
Stay strong Samantha!!!
Thank you for warning people.
I'd almost forgotten you were blonde and had longer hair (I mean- everyones had longer hair at one point I suppose). The last person I was in a relationship with was super thin and didn't seem to eat much, I'd seen old pictures where she was the same size and she said she was naturally that size but I was always a bit worried about her. I dropped about 2 stone in 2nd year of uni and somehow thought I was actually gaining weight (to be fair i've gained it back and more), i had a bloody beard throughout though. I'm really glad you did this video it deserves whatever positive feedback it gets- I agree no one will ever be 100% happy with how they look. You're saying what needs to be said in the best way possible!
Thank you so much Conor 🖤 I've said it before but you're very good looking, whether you were smaller before or not 😊 and I'm starting to realise the same was true about me, I just need to hold onto that 💚💜
You are just so brave! Struggling with an ED for more than 26 years, I just finished an inpatient treatment. And I'm not there yet, but definitely much better! Go for it, it's worth it. Even if it doesn't seems like that. A bit more Sam, that's the goal!
Thank you friend. I hope you get better too, it's so hard but hopefully worth it 🖤 keep your head up 💜
I don’t have anorexia, but I have had problems with food in the past. I suffer really badly with depression and anxiety, so I watch other people’s videos to make me feel like I’m not alone and can relate to others. Thank you for uploading this, you’re beautiful 💖
Thank you so much 🥰 I hope you're doing okay and you had a lovely christmas if you celebrate it 💚💚💚
I truly hope you’re better now. I’ve battled anorexia, in varying degrees, since I was 22, and I’m now 55. I’m much better now than I was even just 5 years ago, but it’s still a struggle. AN is a like a demon that’s always looking for an open window to sneak back into, and it usually does so very subtly, so PLEASE, continue to always watch your thoughts and actions diligently and stay safe. 💜
Thank you 🖤 you too
You are facing the problem and this is very cool. I wish you a good recovery. IMHO you are already beautiful but you will become even more beautiful in a healthy body. Good luck!
Thank you friend 🖤 I love your username, tea is life 👌🏻☕
Sam. So proud of you for speaking about such an important, yet invisible illness to those who won't realise it. All the best if your recovery. You've got this and I'm always about if you fancy a coffee and banter 👌☕
Thank you so much, Dean 💚 I hope you've been okay, I was sorry I missed you at pride! 💜
@@SamanthaAimee Decided to hide my face from the crowds and volunteer this year. Next year will be a pretty ace year tho ♠️
You can do this Samantha Aimee!! Recovery is hard but so much better than living with an ED. Don't ever give up- I recovered after 30 years of AN, BN, and binge eating. Your life is worth so much more than a stupid number on a scale or some crazy diet.
Thank you so much 💜 I'm hanging in there, my clinic appointment is next week so not too much longer on my own 😚💚
@@SamanthaAimee That's great! There are many recovering you tubers you might find inspiration from. I recommend checking out Elzani's channel, Rebecca Leung, and Kayla Kotecki.
@@lilyduke669 thank you, I'll have a peek! I currently follow izzy wanders and Lauren leigh but I'm always looking for more people to subscribe to ☺️
You are amazing for sharing your story
Thank you 💜
You are soooo similar to Laura Marano, youre sooo beautiful♡♡ thanks for this you are so brave
I worked with a man who loved big women. I was told about a few guys who also loved big women. No guy/girl is worth of loosing your self-esteem, happiness and health. Enjoy delicious food and grow happier with every day.
You look like a beautiful elf am so glad I found your channel. Well a year on I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of your videos.
Aw thank you so much 🥰🖤
I feel so bad, I was going to use this to trigger myself but I think I'll find something else, thank you
Please treat yourself with kindness 💜 you deserve to be happy
you are amazing , you can do it i know it 💓
Love u 💜
I remember I stopped inviting my best friend to sleep over to avoid eating...I became so irritable that it was a living nightmare for my family to spend time with me, they couldn't even talk to me in a natural way, because they were afraid of saying something that would upset me...my mom begged me to eat, my dad sent me health articles...they gave up but after some time I decided to recover, it has been a month and just a few days ago extreme hunger kicked in...but this is the thing, now my mom is kinda watching how much I ate and disapproving if I exceed. Plus I can't just let myself go, cause I'm quitting college to become a flight attendant, so I should look for my figure
Keep going with your recovery, I promise it will be worth it 💜 I can't lie and say it's easy but if I can do it so can you. As for the flight attendant thing, I think it's quite an old fashioned notion that they're all skinny. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is your health and wellbeing. Be strong, friend. I believe in you. 🖤
@@SamanthaAimee thank you so much for taking the time to read it ❤ your video was so inspirational for me! Thanks! I wish you the best and strength for your recovery as well ❤✨
You made me cry in 30 seconds. Im so tired of everything
I know how you must feel 🖤 with time and strength it will get better, I promise 💚
very random and off topic are you from the south west? i noticed your accent is similar to mine haha so was curious. back on topic, thank you for sharing your story. you’re so so brave and i hope one day i’m as brave as you to recover💜
Aw I hope so too 🖤 you're correct, I'm from bristol
Samantha Aimee me too! i thought so☺️
Girl I thought there was an intruder in your room
Hahaha draco prtoecc from the intruders 😉
Thank you sharing your experience with ED I had eating disorder too ! 😩🙏🏾🥰😘I hope you stay strong 💪🏽 btw no one should say anyone are you Anorexic wtf that so uncalled for someone said that too you . My dad told me you were too skinny wtf he said I looked better now what that post to mean I’m getting fat ? 😭😭😭😭😩😩I wasn’t super skinny but I wasn’t sizedouble 00 anything like that ... evening knowing my face was super thin from losing weight fast
People can be so insensitive. It's not easy but it's just best to let it go. Well done for staying strong 🥰
Samantha Aimee yay 😁 true best thing let it go and stay strong 💪🏽 💕💕💕.. it you can stay strong 💪🏽 and can recovery and I can too 😄☺️
Very brave, thank you
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Your video made me cry. I'm trans and ace and married. I lost 100 pounds before starting HRT, which I have been on for 15 months. The desire to be smaller is overwhelming, and I feel like I'm on a precipice teetering towards an ED. Still at a good weight, but the future is uncertain. Not sure if it's time to seek help; I think I'm OK, just a little scared.
You are strong and brave woman 💖
"Top of the Morning" to you
I feel like it's just really hard for me to tell My mom and dad that i am struggling because they don't take me seriously whenever I've asked for advice or help it's just always "oh your 14, You don't have to worry about calories, just eat" but i can't just eat You know? So whenever i do skip meals and stuff i start to not take My self seriously because I don't feel or look sick enough.
Have you spoken to friends or any other family members about your struggles? Does your school have a counsellor? Hopefully there's still someone in your life who can help 💜 you will get through this
Hey I have a eating disorder and I’m scared to go and get help
Everyone is scared at first. It will be scary for a while. But I promise help is a good thing and no one will judge you for trying to get better 💚
I have one word and one word only; brave
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You honestly look so beautiful with your face more filled out. :) You’re beautiful either way, but you healthy actually looks so much better. (And this is coming from someone with an ED)
Thank you so much lovely 💚 hopefully I'll get back to that. I hope you're doing okay 🖤
Samantha Aimee Thank you 😊
Can u go into more detail pls 🥺
this may sound random but are you by any chance from the same area as the KZheadr Roly? because maybe I‘m just being dumb but you have excatly the same accent. I think I‘m talking about dialect? lol
Aha no he's a londoner, I'm from Bristol 🥰
Girl at the beginning you don't gotta call me out like that holy shit you just made me cry what the fuck
Aw 🖤 sending you all the love 💜💜💜
@@SamanthaAimee yeah that hit me hard. I didn't end up watching the video to enable myself because you said that.
team slytherin 🐍🖤
Hi probably ur body hair is due to hormonal upset due to malnutrition - anorexics lose their menstrual cycle... it's sad because u r a beautiful woman
Is that a Bristolian accent I hear?
It is! I can only apologise 😂
@@SamanthaAimee haha it's nice to hear a familiar accent on KZhead!!! Oooh arrrr! 😂
@@kathrynlouise1372 ahaha I'm always surprised when I'm complimented on it 😂
okay this is not the point of the video AT ALL but your ears are so stinkin cUTE 😭😭😭
Ahahah aw thank you
You’re so strong ❤️ I also made a video about my eating disorder, please check it out, it would mean a lot 🙏
I can recommend Kirstys video, very moving, too! Love from Germany.🥰
More people need to post how bad it is to be fat. There’s too much on an ED being about skinny people, it’s also about obese people who cost the taxpayers millions. Anorexics get no help. Hardly fair.