Boundaries and Your Negative Core Belief
Negative core beliefs drive boundary problems. This video is adapted from a live FB presentation I gave in my Roadmap to Joy program (link below). It may seem a bit more casual than some of my others! I also outline the boundary personality types that I've identified and that you can access in my free online quiz. Let me know your thoughts and questions in the comments.
Free Boundary Quiz: boundarypersonalityquiz.com
00:00 Introduction
00:22 Boundaries are really about...
01:04 Boundaries and negative core belief and example
04:21 Saying "No", but Sometimes We Need to Say "Yes"
07:20 The Boundary Personalities
07:32 Personality #1: I'm Nice
08:38 Personality #2: I'm Caring
09:27 Personality #3 I'm Competent
11:17 Personality #4: I'm Independent
12:22 Personality #5: I'm OK, You're OK
12:48 Having a broader view of boundaries
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This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via KZhead, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.
I enjoyed your talk on core beliefs. It hit home for me. Thank you.
Thank you Barbara
Your character and nature is fantastic. I have watched numerous psychology deliveries over many years and coming across yourself is an absolute joy. You are by far a gift to the worlds. The education is top shelf. Thank you I'm watching them all. To both implement in my practice and to use on myself.
Thank you so much for your kind words :)
Such a good video. I’m about to process the I’m not important core belief in emdr- it’s exhausting trying to earn my importance by abandoning my needs to make others feel important , so they won’t abandon me. Abandonment and fear has been my block and I’m so looking forward to feeling free to be important to me in the relationship to myself ❤
Hi Kylie: Such good insight, and how wonderful you are moving forward with healing all of this. I am a believer in the power of EMDR. Thanks so much for sharing your experience - I think it could be helpful for others as well. 🌹
Is the irrational belief underlying fear of abandonment that we cannot survive on our own?
@@Lena-zo2tl yes, a child instinctually knows they won’t survive if they are abandoned by their parents. Abandonment doesn’t have to be a physical abandonment, it can be an emotional abandonment , neglect of primary needs etc
Upon further reflection I’m thinking that, for me at least, the underlying irrational belief is that I am responsible for-and have the power to control-how other people feel and behave.
Thank you for your kind words. It was helpful
Barbara, can listen to you all day,
✅ good
This is so great and to the point. I am able to cover my needs, pet and spoil myself through things I do on my own, yes, and I think that redresses the balance a bit, but when it comes to others and relating to them I am too independent and self sufficient=I dont want to take others out of their comfort zone and I feel shy and ashamed to ask for help and support. I am too nice, too caring and empathetic=I have been working all my life as a juvenile probation officer, that means offering in a public system which is abusive and indifferent to its clinicians' needs for supervision, training, promotion, pay rise. I am trying to make my partner happy= that usually means ending up drained and frustrated. What is the trick then, what is the mechanism to ask from others to care for you (values and needs) the way you care for yourself? I havent yet found the way....
Very helpful..Made me truly realize the need to set one's boundaries in my life 🙏
Wonderful!
EMDR is helping with core beliefs so much!!!
Wonderful!
This is great. I think when people consider the needs of others and not their own, they may actually be in the mode of pleasing others, which is actually fulfilling their own (perceived) needs, which of course should be reevaluated.
Yes, for sure! Sometimes we are driven by many layers of needs... and we aren't always aware of them!
@@BarbaraHeffernan indeed. There is much to hash out in the therapy session as well as on the patients personal end.
barbara i am in i like this
Could you please make a video about procrastination and perfectionism? I have been suffering from it for so long
I do have one on perfectionism: kzhead.info/sun/q6mvfpyIaX5mipE/bejne.html It is probably time for another one! Thanks for the prompt :)
Could you please discuss Angrophobia (the fear of getting mad) in an episode? This is very difficult to deal with, the somatic feeling that anger of any degree is dangerous and can potentially destroy your life. You shut your anger down immediately and fawn or freeze so as not to trigger a confrontation and then later feel disgust, depression, and resentment that you then turn back in to that suppression cycle. The scary thing is that you know the anger will come out eventually and when it does, you won't be able to control it and it most likely will destroy everything. How do you get past the feeling that you're not allowed to feel or express anger?
Addressing cognitive distortions and limiting beliefs. What she discusses works for any limiting belief system.
The thought that comes to me is that someone in this situation could maybe start by allowing themselves simply to feel it and express it in a safe place - maybe starting with something little... practicing.. Interesting question and I will look into a video on it!
Should I express to other people "my needs matter"? Or should I keep it?
Great question. I think the first step is for you to begin believing strongly that your needs matter, then for you to begin acting as if they matter. On some occasions we can verbalize to our loved ones that it feels like they don’t, but only with safe people probably. But I’d suggest the first two steps and see what happens!
Nah. Boundary problems added too much stress on me.
Interesting. How did you get rid of them?
Qn seems simple. Tried resolving some in instalments, spent time under a tree listening to music etc.
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I like your videos and I’m you follower but this time it was quite confusing and in circumlocution. Sorry.
Thanks for the feedback! I imagine I can go in circumlocution sometimes!