Why Is Modern Dating Such A Mess? - Sadia Khan
Sadia Khan is a relationship coach and a speaker.
Dating in the modern world is more fraught than ever. Men and women are finding themselves confused and lost as they try to make sense of a mating landscape which becomes ever more difficult to navigate.
Expect to learn why Sadia’s Instagram has been banned 3 times, why nice guys have such a hard time in relationships, whether men and women can actually be friends, whether hot women tend to be crazier, how to stop being a jealous partner, whether body count actually matters, why married couples cheat, what Love Island is doing to our view of romance and much more...
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#dating #relationships #psychology
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00:00 The Widespread Belief That Love is Toxic
06:32 The Safety of the Inner Citadel
10:14 Consequences of the Rise of Sex Work
17:38 Psychology of Slut-Shaming
26:39 Why Nice Guys Suffer
35:37 Can Men & Women Be Friends?
46:05 The Many Failures of the Sexual Revolution
55:28 The Growing Trend of Childlessness
1:09:25 What Reality Shows Are Teaching Young People About Relationships
1:13:55 Transgender Dating Dynamics
1:22:04 Are Hot Girls More Crazy?
1:31:45 Is It Hard For Successful Men to Settle Down?
1:37:00 Feeling Jealous About a Partner’s Body Count
1:43:20 The Lost Treasure of Traditional Women
1:57:11 Are AI Girlfriends the Future?
2:07:23 Where to Find Sadia
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Hello you beauties. Get a Free Sample Pack of all LMNT Flavours with your first box at www.drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get 50% off your first Factor Meals box by going to to factormeals.com/MW50 Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 The Widespread Belief That Love is Toxic 06:32 The Safety of the Inner Citadel 10:14 Consequences of the Rise of Sex Work 17:38 Psychology of Slut-Shaming 26:39 Why Nice Guys Suffer 35:37 Can Men & Women Be Friends? 46:05 The Many Failures of the Sexual Revolution 55:28 The Growing Trend of Childlessness 1:09:25 What Reality Shows Are Teaching Young People About Relationships 1:13:55 Transgender Dating Dynamics 1:22:04 Are Hot Girls More Crazy? 1:31:45 Is It Hard For Successful Men to Settle Down? 1:37:00 Feeling Jealous About a Partner’s Body Count 1:43:20 The Lost Treasure of Traditional Women 1:57:11 Are AI Girlfriends the Future? 2:07:23 Where to Find Sadia
Haha you 4
CHRIS your lighting game is 🔥❤🔥
Hey Chris! You're channel is amazing! Been following for years. This is one of those moments when a viewer recognizes something that could be helpful to the guest. I love listening to Sadia's wisdom. It just clicked with me that her breathing is mostly coming through her mouth as she gasps for air after every statement. Just trying to help here. She should consider getting that checked out. It appears she's not getting proper airflow in the nose. I wish everyone the best of health. Cheers
@@brentpeddy4223 thats some good observation! i wondered why listening to her speak felt a little uncomfortable. love her also
P
Nobody is jealous over a girls body count. Just disgusted
Ehh some guys are jealous cause it's so easy for them to sleep around. But yeah you're right other than that
Bingo
@@timflelter5566 Oh sure some guys are jealous, but even for them disgust is a large part if not the majority of the cause of their reaction.
Instead I prefer women with a high body count, all the rest equal. When I nyself had a low body count I felt jealouse but never disgusted. Actually, attracted.
@TuscanBrick yeah this is more accurate I think
I find the mental gymnastics of relationship advice so frustrating. Be yourself but not that self, be nice abut not that nice, be assertive but not that assertive. I can't keep up with all the hoops I'm ment to jump through.
I pretty much gave up. But I’m older and have 3 kids as a single dad. Not struggling, but not able to provide at a level to support more kids at the same level let alone a gf/wife.
It translates to: Just be in balance.
Take care of yourself first. Your mental condition your life values and your eventual goals. If you struggling because all you want is to have a partner you might get in troubles or never have one. Get to know who you are and what is important for you and someone will join you on the way.
Yeah but unless youre already balanced and can recognize it, telling someone to just be balanced is unhelpful and lazy @viktor4840
I’m 49, and have 3 children (27,24 & 19). The 27 & 24 year olds don’t want children (at the moment, and don’t know that they ever will) due to the fact that they are struggling to exist financially as it stands. They have a healthy network of friends and like to do stuff (nothing that expensive, but going out for meals, drinks, clubs etc) but don’t feel that bringing a child into the world is financially viable. Also, with the world as crazy as it is (the political unrest everywhere) they feel it’s a tinderbox waiting to go up. There seem to be many different things that are influencing their decisions from having children, when they would actually quiet like to have them. The 19 year old is undecided, but why would you necessarily know at 19 anyway? I have nephews and nieces I’m their mid 20’s to early thirties, and they are also not looking at having children, for the same reasons. I put it down to the level of corruption in the world. The rich and powerful are becoming more and more so, at the expense of everyone and everything else, and the consequences are now becoming very apparent on so many different levels
It's mainly materialism, there's more money than ever circulating.
@@criostoirashtin11 exactly that. More money, less value. Money is so broken the whole system needs to be rebuilt
@@MyW1feNowDAVE Need we to go back to the Gold Standard and Church on Sundays
No. The poor demand welfare and benefits and the government prints money and confiscates it from people who don't. You have to pay $30k for each childbirth before you leave the hospital. So that some other mother can have 5 kids from 20 different dudes and not pay a dime.
Actually, the poorer the people the more children. In Afghanistan they have fertility rate 5 kids per woman, and in 19th century USA it was 5 as well.
Most of the younger men I know dont even date, dont want to spend the effort, deal with the drama and stress/ costs. Not worth the squeeze anymore.
you could argue that men never did want to date, they just had to to get laid 😂
I noticed the younger girls do the hang out with the guys thing a lot more now too. No dating involved. It's like some kind of mutual agreement to hang out and do the no commitment thing. That's the best you can expect when you have an entire generation who really doesn't know much about the way their great grandfathers did things.
I’ve been a follower of this show for a couple years now, I just want to say I’m objectively a better person because of it. Thank you MW team.
I like his work and taking in the subjects in a very adult way and open-minded
Have to agree
😀This was a fantastic conversation about a crisis that is potentially existential in nature - the statistics around plummeting relationship, marriage and birth rates bears this out. I agreed with the majority of the discussion, but the one contextual problem I had with the opinions and conclusions that you both reached were that they were from the perspective of two attractive, successful and high profile individuals, who are not capable of seeing many of these issues from the position of average to below average men and women - in other words, the vast majority of people. One example of this was Sadia discussing men setting boundaries, taking the lead, pushing back and being prepared to walk away. This is a great option for men who have abundant options in the dating market. However, the less fortunate man, in terms of physical appearance, confidence and material assets, who has a scarcity of dating options, will be far more reluctant to risk losing a rare opportunity for a relationship.
EXACTLY! very well said. I have also thought this. Thats why i take sadias anecdotal points with a pinch of salt. Shes a beautiful woman surrounded by rich confident men. Plus i find thats shes massively out of touch with what 'simping' is and also her opinions about men working on themselves / being childless as being 'childish'. Overall insightful, but does miss the mark in places.
PS yours should seriously be the top comment on this thread. Its by far the best.
Thanks @@DLC1990 I thought for a while after listening to this podcast before I wrote my comment. The discussion was mostly interesting and informed, but I agree with you, there were some points that missed their target - and this niggled me. It's hard to not become cynical when people in positions of relative privilege (handsome man and beautiful woman with hundreds of thousands of fans and followers between them) try to address the difficulties of those without any of these advantages. I'm sure they've both had their own struggles, but I don't lose sleep over wondering how difficult life is for a beautiful woman getting too much attention or a successful man trying to settle down.
@@tannhausergate6310 well said 👍
What comes to mind when reading your comment is Max Ehrmann's poem Desiderata. Excerpt as follows: If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
In an era where everything on the internet and in the media is about anger and rage mongering, I love that Chris is so level headed, analytical, and non-bombastic. His conversation about trans issues was so nuanced and even handed. Its simultaneously compassionate but also pragmatic about empirical reality.
What a rollercoaster of an episode. 80% phenomenal advice, 10% value judgments presented as facts and 10% just being plain wrong. 😅
My takeaway too, if they actually worked that 20% it would be one of the best podcasts I ever found
Scary that the type of men that listen to this podcast are going to believe this as gospel about ALL women. So wrong.
Would love to know which parts you thought were wrong to compare with mine. For once, the reasons behind childlessness was very superficial and insufficient. The discussion about transgender was missed completely the point of having at least 1,5% of the population with biological and physiological sex vs gender mismatches. As a society What do we do with these people?
@@MsCeci2007 > The goal of life is not to get sex, it's to get connection - Poorly phrased. That can be called unhealthy or something, but ultimately we all decide what our own goals in life are. Sadia shouldn't assume herself to be an arbiter of the meaning of life of each and every individual. > Sexual revolution - I disagree with her level of certainty that it's bad for women or bad overall. I'm not familiar with the actual data, but it seems to me humans overall are having suboptimal amounts of sex, given that we've invented reliable contraception. I'm 34 and married, and most people I know have had between zero and less than a handful of sexual partners in their whole lives, and we only get to live once, it's kind of sad in a way that this is normal. > marriage and kids gives men a purpose and meaning [and will to live] that they can't derive from anything else - Poorly phrased. A single man who can derive such meaning and purpose would be enough to disprove that statement. I'm sure we can find at least one among 4 billion. I'm a man, and personally, the purpose and meaning I feel in my life does not at all hinge on having kids. I don't need children to have a strong will to live, I already have it. There is an endless supply of worthy causes in life. > Men prefer a woman that has no contact with the ex and the kids have never seen the ex and they think I'll go for that girl at least the baby's father is not around. That's a signal that she deprives or prevents children from connecting with their father that's not a good thing. - This is entirely situational. It's possible that father is really bad, dangerous, or an entirely negative influence either way. In such a case, only a bad mom would insist on keeping the child in touch. It's not as clear cut as she made it seem. > If gender is a social construct then you don't need to change your biology - One obvious objection, is that regardless of it being a social construct or not, it's each person's own personal business if they feel the need to, want to, or value changing their own biology. Additionally, pointing something out as social construct, implies that that's the only way in which it is real, that it is not real otherwise, that it does not mirror reality, that it has no correlates or causal factors that can be found in reality, or more precisely in biology, psychology and neurology of an individual. That just seems like a silly statement at that point. > Then why don't you change your inner experience [of gender] - This is the equivalent of saying "Why don't they just stop being gay?" It seems like she doesn't believe or know that mismatch between biological sex and neurological gender is real biological phenomena, but she instead believes trans people freely choose on whim to be the way they are, which is wrong as far as I know. > We're doing them a disservice by simply giving them a shortcut to biological procedures while skipping psychological interventions - The suggestion that they can or should attempt to realign their sex and gender by first aligning psychological to biological is valid, but kind of pointless as it overlooks that any such person has near certainly already attempted that and failed. Tho it still is valid to suggest that an attempt at well meaning professional voluntary psychological intervention may be worthwhile if it has not been tried yet, on the off chance that it may work for that person. While it is a valid suggestion, this being a good idea on balance or not depends on the actual scientific data, which I'm not familiar enough with to comment on, but she doesn't really seem to be familiar with it either, so it's irresponsible of her to address it they way she did. > [Body count topic] You should be looking for selectivity in the opposite gender - Might be true for majority of people, but it's still a value judgement, so the usefulnes of this advice will depend entirely on personal values. It feels like Sadia thinks her way of living life is the only way, that everyone values or should value that which she values. > We've become so shallow and we value so many junk values such as so many superficial things like looks - It seems ridiculous to suggest men should not value looks when it comes to women. It's a core value ingrained deeply into our genes. We can pretend that we don't care, but we can't actually not care and stop valuing looks the same way we can't just chose to stop valuing being able to breathe air, the same way women can't just chose to jest stop valuing stability, confidence, social status and access to resources in men. > [AI girlfriends] Mindset behind that is very similar to a rapist, essentially you don't care about the emotions of the person - Thats just plain wrong. She mentioned not having much experience with the psychology of virgin basement dweller men, and this statement really proves it. If they didn't care about emotions and just sex, they'd be watching porn, not chatting with AI girlfriends. You'd think this would be obvious. Most single lonely men crave love separately from craving sex. Sex-wise, they can masturbate, but feeling loved by a women, that's been next to impossible until now.
@@mariokotlar303 thank you for your comprehensive response. It seems we agree on most things
When a beautiful woman tells me it's worth the risk, I have some doubts she understands the common man, and how much he has to lose and how often he loses it.
We stand to lose our lives to the wrong guy, so we don't really feel sorry for you and your bruised ego.
@@sarahrobertson634yes the typical my man will literally kill me therefore my risk is greater. Except in this modern day and age self ending has become a higher rate of death than homicide. Men self end at a rate 4 times higher than women. Self ending is the highest among middle aged white men. I wonder why.....men have even more to lose than most women do in relationships now.
@@sarahrobertson634statistically very unlikely indeed (i did my dissertation on that very topic). Men are far more likely to be victims of violent crime, and women are far more afraid of violent crime. and passive-aggressive whataboutism is dismissing mens' very real concerns- which exacerbates the 'gender war'. Men as the above are allowed to have concerns and feelings too. it's not all about women.
@@sarahrobertson634 i really wish more would.
Your mistake was Believing any woman is capable of doing that. Thier innate solipsism won't allow it.
I finally realized what's been bothering me. I didn't have a hard time finding feminine women to date 10-15 years ago but now if I meet a feminine women the likelihood that she's single is almost zero. Not sure why I didn't notice this but it's definitely a problem. The culture has tricked women into acting and behaving like strong masculine figures. There's nothing wrong with that per se ( unless she wants to lead a man ) but I'm fairly confident a majority of men find femininity exponentially more attractive .
I remember you. I remember saying you should start a podcast. I’m going to let you in on a secret, the feminine women are still very much so there. They’re just offline and gathering in places and creating basically a new bubble. The mainstream has not caught on yet but they are definitely there and ALL AGES. Finding men that are in their masculine cuz they got off line too. When I say off line I mean in any capacity. We are just using online to find our groups and being nurturing to each other to help us vet the kind of masculine men we are looking for. You will have to start to look in those counterpoint male circles. Watching things like this online is the only reason why I come online anymore anything else is IRL. I refuse to do anything else otherwise.❤
We women can play both roles, and play them well. Males don't seem to be able to pull that off. A well balanced woman would be about 60/40.
Yup things have changed a lot the lost 10 years, I'm in my 30s and I date a wide range from 24-45. I've noticed younger women have drink the feminist lgqbtx kool aide and far more masculine than 10 years ago. American and western women have jumped the shark
You can’t play both roles. You play the role of a man poorly. As well as a man wearing a dress can play the role of a woman
@@Solotv84 I think you need to date women your own age, old man.
Extremely valuable podcast. Parents should be telling their sons and daughters these things, I wish mine did. Thank you Chris for your excellent questions and for letting her speak without interrupting. Immense thank you to Sadia as well.
I'm a 47 year old man; never married, no kids, single since I was 29. I would have liked a wife and kids, but shyness and an anxious avoidant attachment style made it impossible for me to date or successfully connect with women. For a long time I was miserable about my singledom, but gradually I've accepted that I'm doomed to be alone and made peace with it, so now I'm making the best of the single life that I can doing the things I want to do.
It's all we can do, other than the obvious 'other' option.
I feel you, beingt 30 and feeling the same. No matter what you do and what you build up, the "dating buffet" is just rotten - you have to be cautious about every piece and the tastiest looking pieces can poison you the hardest. I stopped dating because I couldnt live with the idea of someday divorcing and getting the kids taken away. Even if you self improve, you are doomes as you step closer and achieve all the things you want, it doesnt change the game in its core - even worse. I got pretty muscular, financially sucsessfull, I got abs, never been this good looking in my entire life and yet I have never ever been lonelier, unwanted and categorized or stamped by women. It's that classic one, they say one thing they want but actually want something entirely else. I just see myself building my second house on the adriatic sea, contiuneing with renting and then one day, selling it all and giving everything to kids in need. All my life I just wanted to build a family, wife, kids - nothing else. Coming home to kids that smile when daddy is back. Seeing how the dating market is - life has lost its purpose and meaning because its impossible and I cant and wont sell my dignity by settling up with a run through girl. I rather drive off a cliff into the adriatic.
@@dedude7075 If it serves of something, women have a very similar experience of what you are actually describing. I am 30 too, fairly pretty and fit, all while having my own career, that even when is not super successful, it does make me happy. However, in the past few years I've gotten more than done with dating. It is a whole culture that obliges you to expose yourself, really. From downloading an App, to paint yourself in the best lighting, to describe how smart/funny/worthy you are for a group of men to tell you they are interested in what you offer. To then competing with cam girls, sex workers, only fans. So, you get pushed to do what they do for men you don't even know. To put on a show of what you have and if you deny it, then you are "uptight". It is absolutely stressful and horrid to go through. It's not even about rejection in particular, but feeling that you have to convince people you are worth their time, worth the effort of just showing up and being decent, because half of them are still obsessed with some ex, and the other half wants to fool around. I got tired after I started getting comments about why I didn't just "settled" for someone and be done with it, but that shouldn't be even a possibility. You shouldn't just "settle" for someone you don't even like to talk with, sex comes after companionship, not the other way around. In that case I rather be alone.
@@dedude7075may be best option in this case is make child and not care of crazy consequences. By the time you may connect to child, may not, but probably is higher then zero.
Yep. I'm turning 30 soon. Homeowner, good earner, in shape, military man, musician of 20 years, well groomed and dressed etc etc (and 6ft3 lol) - but they're not fucking interested and I'm really starting to explore what a long term future could look like if i don't find a wife in the next couple of years. I've already started holidaying alone, going to concerts, movies etc etc alone if I cant get a friend to come. Life is short and I'm not gonna miss out on anything else just because I'm on my own. I think if I'm not in a long term relationship within the next 2 years I'm gonna sell up and move out of England to the Mediterranean - I need some vitamin D 😂
As a ex stripper I can confirm , at the time my respect for men was basically zero . It took me a while and leaving the industry to figure out i needed a man i could respect to be happy . Now happily married for 5 years ✨🙏🏻
So you found a beta male?
Happy to hear about your happy marriage and I wish y’all continued success!
Out of curiosity how did the convo go regarding your past of an ex stripper(assuming the conversation was had)?
@@aw6379just curious.. why would you ask this question when you don’t even know these people
@happylife44332 because they volunteered the information to begin with and it's an interesting dynamic that is naturally curious.
Society is just screwed up these days plain and simple. Since mainly 2020, everything has been going downhill. Men and women both have more mental health problems than ever, and there's a ton struggling financially which takes a toll too. Like you guys said, everyone is in competition with one another, and no one knows how to focus on one person and get to know them. I'm 32 single and have been in the dating world for a bit, and it's just terrible out there. This is also why everyone is in their "independent" era and loneliness is at an all time high, which is another reason for poor mental health. Everyone including myself doesn't want to deal with people much cause everyone is on edge, and very few put in effort to make progress. We need to get back to community and tribes and get off of the brainwashing of phones and apps. There's too much information going around also and everyone is way over stimulated.
Don't worry, there's generally a lot of people standing by to replace dysfunctional societies. Europe is overrun by Arabs and Africans, and plenty of Hispanics are flooding North America.
Agreed ❤️🙏🏼
"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people." 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Holy Bible The way things are in the world isn't a coincidence, and things won't get better, unfortunately. But the good news is that God already knew the end from the beginning and He gave us the solution: the new birth in Christ Jesus. There are still people in the world who are good-hearted and who are faithful because they know who God is and His love for humanity, which was exemplified at the cross of Calvary. Yes, the world is wicked and humans are oftentimes terrible. That's why the Lord wants to give us a new spirit (His own Spirit in fact, which is the Holy Spirit) so we can become new creatures who no longer live selfishly but who have the heart of Jesus, who was and is selfless. I just felt it on my heart to share this, because Jesus changed my life and I know He is real and His love is better than anything in this life. I pray you get to know Him also and experience His goodness. I apologize if this seems unwarranted or weird, I just know that He loves us all so much and He has prepared a place for those who accept to follow Him and to let go of the ways of the world. He promised to create a new earth with a new heaven where no sin or pain or death will dwell (Revelation 21:4). Take heart, and seek Jesus, because He has true life and true love. Everything in this world is perishing, but He is eternal and His love will never run out. Blessings.
well said
The lockdowns were a mistake. During them we went crazy and haven't recovered.
This is exceptional. You can pinpoint that about 80% of the worlds problems stem from the lack of non-traditional values. Why? Because what children experience as a child is always a reflection of the marriage, or lack thereof.
Define 'traditional' values. Most of the shitty 3rd world countries are 'traditional' but kids grow up in poverty and abuse.
@@rachelforshee6014that same place thrived a few centuries back with the same traditions. Algebra, Algorithm, Alchemy (later Chemistry), Alcohol, Alkaline etc are some scientific terms that invented by persian guys during Islamic golden age. Art - the Alhambra palaces in Spain was built at that period, ruled by conservative Islamic laws. Aristotle's work reached Europe back (as his original work was destroyed long ago and the modern one is the translation from Arabic), the Taj Mahal, many architecture of Turkey etc Also, no need to go that far. A few centuries ago, even take Europe for example, traditional values existed among the majority if the public at the time of Newton too. Traditional values doesn't stifle 'progress'. It's actually the other way around, when culture reaches the peak the traditional values goes away. As pointed out in Muqaddimah of Ibn haldun, another scholar during middle East golden age.
@@rachelforshee6014that’s not a good example. Why go choose the extreme. I really think traditional parents are the best teachers to a child ❤
@@ij4674👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Traditional values are gone. Not coming back. This isn't the world that created those values. We now need to adapt to a new paradigm.
58:10 "The risk is increasing but the reward has stayed the same." The reward has decreased enormously as well. You don't get a housewife, you get a career woman who competes with your salary so she can pay for childcare to other women who raise your kid.
There are no benefits to marriage but risks for men keep expanding.
16:42 "...she feels more powerful than him and therefore can't respect him." And there's the only power dynamics that matter in a relationship between men and women when analyzing it for long term prospects. 2:04:25 She articulated this beautifully but she did so without realizing this is exactly why this technology is being created to begin with. She's saying women will say that it's too high of a mountain to climb so they're just going to retreat, but she's not paying attention to the fact that men have already said this about women's standards for a mate today. Replace "women" for "men" and you'll see most of her take can already be reciprocated by men. Hard for men to "step up" to being 6ft tall. Hard for most men to "step up" to making $600k a year. A mountain many men may say is too steep to bother attempting to climb... and thus you have the porn retreat. The AI retreat. The videogame retreat. You can't claim that porn and AI porn is what's causing the problem however, when it is literally being presented as a solution to the problems many men are facing.
Yep.. and status.
it's funny the 180 she did after appearing twice on just pearly things podcast last year lol... where she just blamed men for everything, and took no accountability.. now she is more conservative than most people out there.. lol im guessing she is selling coaching sessions, right? lol
bingo. Exactly what I though about the AI. Men dating AI wont change anything, because the men doing it will be the ones women dont want anyway. The bar is already too high for these men.
Do you honestly feel the bar from women is too high? Most I know many ladies that want a guy with drive and a guy that makes around the same as they make (or more). Most want a guy taller than them- that is true. But I don’t see theses are super high standards?
@@PRHVideoFile women say that but then those guys come around and if we aren't hot enough or tall enough(not just taller than her but as tall as she finds attractive) we are rejected. Thats why online dating is imbalanced, because they are all going for the same top men
Why is it whenever the topic of family courts absolutely screwing men over the answer is never ‘We have to fight like Hell to change this’? The answer is always “Choose wisely” and “Take a gamble”. ? Choosing wisely is a crap solution. Especially when it comes to human beings and relationships.
Family courts are not screwing men. Men's lack of self control is screwing men.
It's not a matter of choosing wisely. The family court system transfers all of the power in a relationship to the woman. Not just during a divorce but throughout the relationship. Most humans cannot handle that degree of power and it will slowly, over time, corrupt them. This actively destroys otherwise healthy relationships.
@@adamhixon Hey. You’re preaching to the choir here brother.
I think marriage contracts are a must these days.
My family barrister remarked, 'I'm doing myself out of future earnings here, (laughs) however I'll take you through the best methods to protect your assets and yes, she must sign the document we create when we're done. If not, I always like a new kitchen, so there's that" - I admit to laughing at the last part. To be fair, the saddest conversation about modern relationships I've ever had. Punching kittens level of reality checks. I've kept this in mind when dating - is she serious enough to sign in our joint adventure together? It has kept me sober around some succubi for certain.
I really like her take on Love! Love is far better, than separation, rejection, loneliness.
not when a man opens himself up and gets lied to, abused, cheated on and loses half his stuff & kids in a divorce!
I went thru that too... the whole thing.. at 66 it is far better to be at peace than digging up the D thing! It DESTROYS you as well! Forgive and try to forget! @@josealexi5141
@@josealexi5141 You can still find love without getting marriage.....you live in the west. It's an open society why men still whining about it ?? You got all the solutions on your face but still you whine. I just don't understand you guys !!
@@cubicqe whining? No. Men (smart ones) are just telling other men (naive ones) to stay 100 miles away from marriage.
@@josealexi5141this is exactly why you find someone with similar values. Yes exceptions happen and people who are traditional can still end up fucking you over. But those cases are rare. Also a prenup. Get it. Sadia has mentioned before how a woman who strongly refuses a prenup is obviously wanting to take advantage of the man and is a red flag. There are mitigating factors men could take so shit like what you described doesn’t happen, yet men choose to ignore it simply due to a woman’s looks.
33:46 - I’m a 57 year old female married 32 years next week. I WANTED the nice guy! My husband absolutely has a backbone and has stood up to me many times, but he did it nicely. He didn’t vivisect me, but instead explained why he would not do whatever it was. This allows dialogue, AND doesn’t create hurt feelings. I am an engineer. I have a very strong personality. I was VERY conscious of the fact that I NEEDED a man who could and would stand up to me. I would not respect a man, over time, who let me walk all over him. But he is very kind in his approach! BTW, it took me 5 years to realize he has his own way of bulldozing someone for what he wants. 😂
What I'm starting to realize from these videos is that women want the impossible from men. They want quite literally unfeeling robots in regard to the man's own feelings. Men are expect to have no flaws no weakness only the stoic empathic "wise king". It sounds utterly exhausting. I'm a reasonably assertive man. I have been quite successful with women. However, I'm generally quite egalitarian with my partners. I'm also I would say high on the emotional side. I'm quite empathical. So pretty much this advice is like change every aspect of who you are to be attractive to a women that literally couldn't care less about you as a person. I feel like these people have never been in adult relationships.
Women want men to be submissive leaders. Basically be a leader but only do what benefits them
A large part of women may want that, but not all women are like that. Best of luck to you ❤
I'm gonna go out here on a limb and say that a man who refers to his woman as his 'partner' is probably doing a bunch of other unattractive shit that he doesn't realize. Women don't want egalitarianism, they want to submit to someone. They want a man to be the leader in the relationship. A good relationship REQUIRES that kind of polarity. And it sounds like you're great at initially getting a woman and maybe taking her home and having fun for a few weeks/months but it doesn't seem to work out in the long term. You don't have to be an unfeeling robot -- in fact, the essence of being a man is being in touch with your feelings and aware of yourself, but then IN CONTROL of that. That's the nuance that a lot of men and all women don't understand. It's great to be empathical, it's great to be in touch with your feelings, but you've got to be in control of those feelings as well. You don't have to stop being you -- you just have to be a better version. You have to be the leader in your relationship, you have to create that male/female polarity. And I'm not saying this to YOU and only you in specific, this is something ALL men have to continually strive for. It's never over.
totally, referring to your woman as a partner is cringe and a red flag. "my partner"... what are you a law firm?
If this is seemed as “impossible” to you, you’re simply not masculine enough.
I agree with most of what she said, but she is wrong about two things, statistically: 1. Divorce rates are not higher for relationships with an age gap, where the man is older. They are actually lower. They are higher when the woman is older. 2. She said “don’t be afraid to date a man with kids” - divorce rates are much higher for people who are previously divorced, and increase with each subsequent marriage.
Oh, she doesn't read statistics :)))
She also said that men need children more than woman which is factually wrong.
#2 sounds like something someone would say to validate their own past experiences.
@@WS-qy3cd Correct.
she's wrong about a lot of things regarding marriage, but hey no surprise a woman advocates for something that generally benefits her gender, and shames men for not wanting to do it
Very rarely do I finish watching a video of this length and think, "I need to watch this whole thing again." So many great insights from both of you, thanks for the content.
Beauty and brains on both sides of the table. Thanks to each of you for having carried on such a fine well-managed communication where listening is a driver and shouting absent.
She is a nightmare to a man today. Look at flight attendants. Cheating rate is almost 80%, they are uneducated and not really well behaved. But on a male pedestal.
1:01:20 Chris, when you discuss "extended adolescence" or "slow life strategy" without acknowledging that there is an affordability crisis barring the majority of young men (and women) from hitting the milestones that our parents generation hit, you miss a crucial point. Do you have data that says that young people --would-- willingly choose to live at home, delay relationship formation, avoid having kids, etc., in a world where they --could-- do these things without fear of financial ruin? You're a powerful voice in this space, but I can't help but feel that you're not aware of the severity of the personal financial crisis that Millennials and Gen Z are facing. You can't call something a strategy if its someone's only option.
Free speech ain’t the sponsored speech Education is for workers not thinkers Security is emotional while safety is practical
One issue with modern dating is the veritably endless tidal wave of female perspectives and views, and only a trickle of male perspectives and voices. "What's wrong with modern dating? Let's almost entirely listen only to women."
@@avastone5539it's worth pointing out this women is 36 years old, Muslim, and childless, an actress, and a 9-10/10 on attractiveness. Take everything she says with an extreme grain of salt. You don't go to fishes and ask them how to catch fish.
@@seemlessliesIf we were to add the amount of salt we should use with her arguments to the water supply we'd be left with nothing but sea water. I don't know why people keep asking women like these, nothing I hear from them ever ends up being true.
There are podcasts with men on this issue. You are just too lazy to look for them.
Women's opinions are what matter in dating.
@@seemlesslies She's got it mostly right. I say that as a solid 6.5 on the attractiveness scale, married to a fellow solid 6.5, with three children. The only thing she really got wrong was the idea that women want males to lead. We don't want that, because males are terrible leaders. We want males who can share power and decision-making in a safe and sane fashion.
This interview reaffirms my belief that with so many landmines in today's dating scene, it is better to not date or at least proceed with caution.
Dating for woman is like shopping, for men it's like applying for a job. I stopped dating a couple of years ago because of it, and been alone ever since but it is what it is. Every time I speak to a woman and the first thing she asks is what I do for a living, I'm out. It should be about connection and purpose, not about how much you make. People have seem to forget that.
Yes just stay away men and get your life in order, its not worth the risk. The possibility of finding a good woman, is slim to none
@@kriseightyfive5854 I get a lot of what you're saying, but you should also realize that women ask about what you do for a living to find out more about you and what your lifestyle is like. Sure some women might be shallow and judge based on expected salary, but when my friends and I ask it's 1.) about actual lifestyle and 2.) not a dealbreaker. If I'm looking for someone I can spend a lot of time with, I'm not going to date a medical student for example. If I want someone I can travel with, people with jobs that have them glued to one location won't be at the top of my list. People are allowed to want different things. Whether we like it or not, our jobs say a lot about us and what we are able to do. It's a valid question.
@@alexism7800 That is true, I also have my preferences, but it shouldn't be the main focus/criterium. For example: If I meet someone that works insane hospital hours and is never at home, but she works that much because she's single and well, she can but maybe is looking for an opportunity to work less. On first hand I wouldn't want to date someone that is never home, but also don't know the reason why. Such conversations come up later in dating/the relationship, and it turned out she wanted to toggle down and be home more. I've been in this situation and had a beautifully relationship that came out of it, but we never talked about our jobs until later on and just went with the flow and let love happen. I know you said "2.) not a dealbreaker", and it's early morning for me and English is not my first language, but there is a middle ground between your point and my initial one.
Yeah, unless you're so desirable as a partner that obvious high-quality women will be thrilled to be with you, probably best to not date and save yourself the heartache. Women complain about being objectified, but those women who grew up with social media and internet dating seem to just insta-reject anyone who isn't either hot or making a lot of money. And even if you do appeal to her, it's quite possible that if you ever displease her, she won't sit down and have a conversation with you. Instead she'll just replace you with another 8/10 guy that she set up a date with after 20min on a dating site.
That was a great point about having female friends. In my 30 years, I have never had a female friend. I had large friend groups at school, but I never spoke to women as freinds. I've never chatted and just hung out with a woman in my or her spare time. I found it impossible and strange to click with them, whereas conversing with guys comes super easily. This may certainly explain why I have just had zero luck with finding a partner. However, I did finally form a friendship with a girl at work at the beginning of this year, and I have learnt so much. She is already in a long term relationship, and while she is kind and nuturing, I don't see any kind of relationship on the table. Despite that, it is incredible practice for me to learn what women say and how they behave, etc. It's just a shame it took this kong in life to finally get some experience in this manner.
Color grading, camera work, and set is on point. You have really stepped up this often overlooked aspect to podcasts.
Yeah you're right. Chris is way better than Rogan at this point. Rich Roll is only other one on Chris' level imo.
In other words: don't get a girlfriend, get a dog for assured sleep
Just don't do an Adesanya ☠️
Nah, women are better than dogs. Call me crazy.
Now whole neighbor barking at 7 Am ..
@@alanrastelliwats adesanya
And a fireplace ✌️
I think I really needed to hear this right now... I'm a man who has been dealing with a lot of rejection recently, and also a broken off engagement that I still don't really know what to do with (although this video actually gave me some insights into the ways a woman's mind can break and how that affected me and her). I've been feeling depressed recently, and thinking like I just need to give up on finding a mate and focus on myself. It never occurred to me (or if it did, I dismissed it) that finding a mate is the motivation I need to become the man I want to be. In other words, I had such difficulty finding a girlfriend that I had decided to stop thinking about women and just focusing on myself. It made me really depressed because I felt directionless and goal-less, and also had to force myself to give up my lifelong dream of becoming a father. Having watched this debate, I'm thinking that maybe striving after that goal is *exactly* what I need to be doing after all, because the pain and struggle of rejection tempered by the hope of future satisfaction is something that can drive me to becoming a better man and actually having the family I've always wanted.
Regardless of what you do… you need to set “some kind” of goal. Good relationships and family is certainly a great goal, but for sure also set others. For a couple reasons really Relationships are difficult. And wanting a great relationship isn’t a guarantee that you immediately fall into a great relationship. So you need something else in life driving you. Something that will keep you motivated outside of the context of a relationship Additionally… when you do find yourself in a relationship… things tend to go better when you’re passionate about something other than just her. She’ll definitely like you better if you are just generally a motivated and passionate person Career and fitness goals are always great things to focus on It’s never going to hurt you to be healthier and in better shape and making positive progress in your career It’s great for you, and it’s attractive to potential partners You don’t want to be someone who doesn’t have anything driving or motivating you other than your partner. When you do that, you end up making them your only source of happiness and fulfillment, and that is a lot of responsibility to put on a person
Hey man, thanks for sharing your heart on here. Wanting a family and children is a beautiful thing! I felt compelled also as I read your comment to tell you that what can truly give you purpose and direction in life is to get to know God. I don't know if you believe in God but from experience I can say that one encounter with Jesus Christ radically changed my life to where I became a brand new person and now I have a purpose and a reason for living that outweighs anything temporal and earthly. This is merely a suggestion and an encouragement from someone whose life was radically changed after giving my life to Christ. I felt compelled to share this with you because I know that you will find everything you've ever wanted in Jesus. I know it may sound weird but He is our creator and He wants to have a relationship with each and everyone one of us, and until we get to know Him, a part of us always remains somewhat empty and void. That's my conviction. A woman (or a man) will never be able to fulfill us the way God can, but it's on a spiritual level. The love of God quenches our deepest thirst but we have to seek Him and open up our heart to Him before that can happen. May this be an encouragement to you in your spiritual life, Jesus loves you with His whole heart and I know He can fulfill your soul in ways that you've never thought possible. Blessings to you and if you've never read the gospel, I recommend starting with John and then Ephesians in the new testament. You can also find many videos on KZhead about the gospel and what Jesus did for us and why. There's a life that is possible in the Lord that is very different to the material and earthly life most people live. I hope you will get it. Take care.
“We need a society filled with guilt, shame and regret … we need guilt, shame and regret to help direct us into proper decision-making.”
Summary with Timestamps: 00:00 📌 Sadia Khan discusses the ban on her Instagram account, which resulted from a dispute with an OnlyFans content creator. 00:27 📌 Sadia reflects on the belief that modern representations of love in media often portray it as toxic, leading to misconceptions about relationships. 02:19 📌 The narrative that love is toxic is driven by marketing strategies aimed at promoting independence, which can lead to disconnection in relationships. 03:47 📌 People who view love as toxic often base it on their negative relationship experiences, leading to a skewed perception of love's nature. 06:06 📌 The trend of rejecting love can be observed in both feminist and red pill communities, often stemming from feelings of undesirability. 08:08 📌 Love and emotional connections are essential to human well-being, and avoiding them can lead to depression and anxiety. 11:09 📌 Sadia discusses the psychology of women in sex work, highlighting their history of childhood abuse and difficulties in forming emotional connections. 12:46 📌 Men who pay for sex work often struggle with low self-esteem and emotional disconnect, seeking transactional relationships to avoid emotional connections. 15:19 📌 The dynamics between strippers and their clients often involve manipulation and a lack of genuine emotional connections. 17:50 📌 "Shaming" serves as a way to validate proper decision-making by acknowledging the consequences of certain behaviors. 19:41 📌 The sexual revolution has led to greater sexual freedom, but it's essential to recognize that casual encounters can still lead to emotional consequences and the need for responsible decision-making. 19:56 📝 In dating, there's a phenomenon where people shame others for their sexual behavior. Women may engage in "slut-shaming" to prevent other women from lowering the perceived value of sex, while men may engage in "simp-shaming" to discourage men from giving away resources without receiving sex in return. 20:52 💑 Simp-shaming and slut-shaming both aim to prevent competitors from devaluing a valuable resource (sex or resources) in the dating market. 22:26 🔥 Women tend to engage in slut-shaming against attractive women they perceive as threats, while unattractive women are less likely to be targets of such shaming. 23:09 👭 Female-to-female aggression, such as slut-shaming, is more likely to occur when one woman perceives another woman as a threat to her relationship, partner, or resources. 23:23 🚫 Female empowerment among women tends to work best when there is no perceived threat from others. When perceived threats exist, aggression can replace support. 26:16 🧠 "Nice guys" often struggle not because they are too nice, but because they lack strong boundaries and exhibit low levels of masculinity, which can lead to resentment in relationships. 27:20 🚹 Men can maintain relationships while being assertive without being tyrannical, and it's crucial to set boundaries and have a willingness to walk away when necessary. 28:16 👥 Men and women can be friends, but the fine line between friendship and romantic attraction can make it challenging to maintain purely platonic friendships. 36:03 🤝 Building friendships with both men and women can be natural, especially for individuals who offer value beyond their sexual desirability. 37:44 🧪 Friendship dynamics often depend on individual personalities, and rigid rules about who you can be friends with may not account for the complexity of human connections. 39:08 🌟 People often confuse initial attraction or "spark" in a relationship with something special, not realizing that some individuals are naturally attractive to others due to their interesting and trustworthy personalities. 39:50 💑 There's an overperception and underperception bias of attraction between men and women. Men tend to overperceive women's attraction towards them, while women tend to underperceive men's attraction towards them, leading to misunderstandings in dating. 41:38 🚻 Having female friends can provide valuable insights into understanding women's behavior, communication, and signals. Men should consider having female friends to gain a better understanding of women's perspectives. 43:03 🍽 Factors is a meal delivery service that offers convenient and nutritious meals, making it easier to maintain a healthy diet even when you're busy. [This is an ad.] 46:21 🤝 The sexual revolution has impacted both genders, and it has particularly favored men who have less commitment and responsibility in relationships, ultimately leading to challenges in modern dating. 47:30 📺 Pornography and the media have influenced the perception of bisexuality, with more women experimenting in threesomes to please their male partners. However, this often doesn't reflect genuine bisexuality. 49:48 🔄 The rise of bisexuality may be influenced by external factors, such as exposure to pornography, rather than innate sexual orientation. The effects of external influences on sexual preferences should be considered. 50:17 💡 Removing societal stigma can lead to an increase in the expression of sexual preferences, such as bisexuality. People may feel more comfortable exploring their sexuality when judgment is reduced. 54:11 🕰 Aging without a partner can have different impacts on men and women. Men may experience more significant challenges in terms of physical and emotional well-being when aging alone. 57:26 👫 Marriage can have a positive impact on men's well-being, leading to longer lifespans and increased motivation for personal growth and responsibility. However, the legal aspects of marriage can be a concern in some cases.
59:06 🧒 Having children can motivate individuals to take more responsibility, save money, and prioritize their health, leading to personal growth. 59:33 🚀 Choosing not to have children can potentially hinder personal development as it eliminates the natural therapy and motivation that parenthood can provide. 01:00:28 🏠 The modern culture of individualism and isolationism, driven by factors like remote work and technology, can make people less inclined to seek relationships and family. 01:01:26 🚶♂ Extended adolescence, where people delay milestones like getting a driver's license and starting work, contributes to the trend of not settling down and forming families. 01:03:59 🙋♀ Men should consider women who have healthy co-parenting relationships with their ex-partners as they prioritize their children's well-being, indicating responsible and accountable mothers. 01:04:47 🧒 Growing up without a father figure can lead boys to seek older women for safety but may later seek partners their own age once they feel secure. 01:05:24 🚹 Men who grow up without fathers and are deprived of their fathers' access often end up in abusive relationships, repeating a cycle of dysfunction. 01:06:36 📺 Reality TV dating shows often portray love as a competition, encouraging participants to prioritize winning rather than forming genuine connections. 01:09:40 💔 Reality dating shows like Love Island can promote the idea that love is a game where loyalty is prized but easily discarded, leading to quick decisions and disloyalty. 01:14:04 🏳⚧ The portrayal of transgender individuals in reality TV should be done with sensitivity and not exploit their struggles for viewership. Gender identity discussions must consider the complexities of the topic. 01:17:21 🧠 Focus on the psychological aspect first when addressing issues like anorexia or transgender identity. Biological procedures should come later. 01:17:35 🤔 Consider the importance of psychological interventions alongside biological procedures in addressing gender dysphoria and related issues. 01:18:15 🧩 Explore the relationship between conditions like autism, OCD, and gender dysphoria, and whether addressing these co-occurring conditions might alleviate gender dysphoria. 01:19:13 🙅♂ Discussing dating preferences, debate exists about whether not dating transgender individuals should be considered transphobic, raising questions about individual preferences and societal expectations. 01:21:44 👧 The story of David Reimer highlights the potential dangers of imposing gender identity on individuals, suggesting that blocking self-discovery can lead to severe trauma. 01:23:51 💃 Attractive women may face unique challenges, including struggles to form genuine female friendships and encountering men who treat them differently, both negatively and positively. 01:25:52 🌟 For men, the ability to settle down successfully often depends on their self-esteem and boundaries. High self-esteem can lead to more stable relationships. 01:29:12 🤝 Building an identity outside of the relationship can help mitigate jealousy issues in relationships, as it reduces dependency on the relationship for self-worth. 01:36:11 ⚠ Jealousy that remains unaddressed can lead to unhealthy behaviors like checking behaviors and exaggerated reactions within a relationship. Communication is key to addressing jealousy constructively. 01:36:25 🤔 Jealousy can be soothed by expressing it with the right person, but worsened with the wrong person. 01:36:54 📊 Body count (number of sexual partners) matters less than rejection rate. Focus on your partner's ability to say no to sex. 01:38:33 🕵♂ Historical jealousy is driven by a fear of abandonment and a desire to predict potential future hurt by looking at the past. 01:39:28 🦄 Unconventional traits like being unvaccinated, not a feminist, and aspiring to be a homemaker can be considered rare and valuable in today's culture. 01:40:11 💔 Infidelity often occurs due to choosing a partner based on availability rather than true desire or seeking the feeling of being desired elsewhere. 01:49:14 👫 Getting back together after infidelity is possible, but it's crucial to consider whether you can accept the worst-case scenario happening again. 01:53:09 🔄 Infidelity can lead to self-hatred in the person who forgives, and it may create a dynamic where the cheater doesn't fully respect their partner. 01:54:47 🧠 Men often cheat to chase a particular emotional or psychological feeling they are missing in their current relationship, not just for sex. 01:55:02 🕵 People seek escorts and sugar babies to feel seen and desired, especially if they've felt unnoticed for a long time at home. 01:55:30 💔 Escorts often target married men because of the leverage they have; they can threaten to reveal the affair to the man's wife. 01:56:28 💑 Trying to change your partner's fundamental traits is a setup for relationship failure; accepting and managing expectations is more realistic. 01:57:25 🤖 AI girlfriends are gaining popularity, offering emotional validation and customization, which can negatively impact real relationships. 01:58:51 💬 AI girlfriends can set unrealistic emotional standards and expectations that real partners may struggle to meet. 01:59:20 👥 Over-reliance on AI for emotional connection can lead to dehumanization, similar to the mindset of a rapist, and affect real relationships. 02:01:23 🔄 The convenience of AI relationships may discourage some women from seeking real partners, contributing to a decline in eligible partners. 02:05:31 🌐 A trend away from risk and discomfort, driven by factors like hyper-convenience and surveillance, may lead to less fulfilling lives.
Marriage has a positive impact on men's well being at the expense of their wives. Let's not leave that part out.
Your doing God's will. 🙏
@@sarahrobertson634 jokes aside but i wouldnt take those stats seriously because there was a stat about how children increase the life span for men but not for women. So its ur choice if u wanna believe in that or not
GOAT! Thanks.
Sadia explaining female male/female female friendships was so accurate and I’ve never thought of it like that. Mind blown
But a straight guy can't be a "friend" to a women, there is always that under current of tension if you get my meaning.
@@MewluMoon Exactly, any self respecting man won't allow his women to have guy friends.
Her experiences will always be different, though. She is a beautiful woman, and she lives in dubai, surrounded by rich men. Her anecdotal experiences arent reflective of the average persons.
I think both things can be true at once. Back when I was more attractive, I had male friends that I knew would probably go there if I was open to it. But as I matured (and got less attractive) I am sure I have male friends who would not go there 😂 and my male friendships are more fulfilling and she’s right about that dynamic when younger that you’d rather have someone who secretly loves you than secretly hates you. I don’t know that a lot of men understand how unstable many female/female friendships can be. Just interesting
@@DLC1990 It's not just anecdotal. It's based on her research
I agree with her. Women do not support each other or anything. I was graduating to be a school teacher. The last part of the Bachelor program was for me to shadow a teacher and be evaluated by her. She didn't like I didn't flow teaching a lesson one day, so I said under my breath I don't care. Well, This teacher didn't give me the points I needed, ending my chance to become a teacher or graduating. And when I left her a message saying a few choice words on her cell, she told the school board and had me banned from the county. A man would have never gone that far , he wouldn't wanted me to lose all that time invested in getting a Bachelor's degree and my career over some phone message. Women don't give a care about other women, talk down on you for every reason Sadia said and more .
So sorry to hear. I can confirm. I will never have a female boss again. Also had too many fake friends when I was the genuine one. I really don't get it. Women have been jealous of my skills and the attention I got from men because I was a good and funny person.
Women are out to compete with other women. Women only support other women they seem as not competition. My gf had a large group of friends who many turned against her over the years because she stayed fit and healthy as the friends didn't. She would get negative comments about her being skinny (she's not skinny, shes healthy weight) and when she had her own successful business none of them ever came to support her or even ask about how it was going or anything. They were only her friends when they were all thin and going out and partying and as soon as she got her shit together they became jealous and petty.
Great podcast and we NEED a follow up with Sadia regarding how to fix the things she talks about, and especially how unmarried and childless men should go about finding the right relationship and having kids since she mentions that it’s a red flag, when a guy hits 40 and has never been married and doesn’t have kids, but also a huge problem.
I noticed she says a lot of things that contradict herself. Such as Women are attracted to Men who are leaders and take charge. But than say her Dad is lost without her Mother telling him what to do.
Yes I noticed that. And I thought of my husband who is at a loss in the kitchen and can never find anything.
Leaders don't have to know how to do everything to be a good leader
@@ginger_jeezus Politicians make that evident
It's called interdependence.
Psychology is full of contradictions because people are inherently full of contradictions.
Sadia makes some good points but its always worth remembering that she is a beautiful woman surrounded by rich men. Her experiences will be far different than that of the average persons. Plus i really cant agree with her claiming that childless men lack responsibility and that working on yourself is 'childish'. It takes great maturity to be aware enough that you need to be better and to want to do better before hitting the next stage of your life.
What is meant by working on yourself?
@hellouser5498 improving yourself. It can come in many forms such as physical, mental and financial.
It's important we have in mind that we are adults and we could practice our freewill. The relationships are toxics nowadays. And maybe be lonely is good decision. Less stressful less expensive
I haven't watched her extensively, but I don't like the snippets so far, that men are irresponsible, while ignoring the cultural narrative that makes it impossible for men to succeed in relationships today. There has been a huge deluge like a waterfall of negativity towards men the last 50+ years, and she seems (so far in my superficial perusal) to be ignoring it, and echoing it. I vote thumbs down on that, if that is indeed what she's doing.
DLC, she's merely another grifter - just as many of the people on these podcasts in general. If you look on her website, she charges clients 350 GBP an hour. I don't see any reason for her to be charging almost double that of a surgeon, especially considering nothing about her services, background, or credentials seem exemplary by any means.
It's truly refreshing to see a woman with so much knowledge and wisdom. She actually has a deeper understanding of male drives and psychology than Chriss and he is no slouch. Great interview.
WOW!!! One of the most interesting and enlightening two hours! Ms. Khan is so easily awesome! Good on you for inviting her on your show CW, thanks!
The reason men and women can't be friends is because if you ask any couple who's been together 50+ years they all say the same thing. They all say their partner was their best friend. The best relationships sprout from great friendships.
As you age the friendship grows, romantic love often carries a lot of baggage.
Sadia says women want strong alpha men who are leaders but then says that most men are lost without their wives, she also says that attractive women have it harder in a lot of ways which is truly funny because she has never known what it is like to be an unattractive women.
I like the part where she said women who make more money are treated worse by the men because the men don't invest the little money they have in the women... Honey, money doesn't work that way when you are married
Yeah she’s very wrong on a number of topics, it seems clear to me her perspective is limited to Muslim relationships and life / dating in Dubai. Pretty silly to hear her have the arrogance to speak about modern relationships in the western world.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one to pick up on some things that were just off. I also think it's strange she makes these assertions with such confidence with a lack of any reference to research. She says hot girls are more "crazy" because they are more suspicious of men. Could it also not be the case that hot girls develop a particular entitlement and narcissism that attributes to the perception of "crazy". I thought that was kind of the obvious.
@@kylewlewis And it's not even conscious. I have seen some cases back in the day, where I didn't even wonder. What else would anyone expect? Puberty hits them with a nice big pair of tits, and all of a sudden they are the center of attention. Unless they have a sense of self-awareness instilled to them by their parents (but let's be honest, who listens to that inner voice as long as things are going entirely your way?), that's what's normal for them, and they will constantly test boundaries to see how far they can take it.
What she's saying is that women want feminist men who are concurrently traditional conservatives.
Such a great interview. Both such sharp people. Insight-filled!
I've rarely been so captivated by a discussion in my life! The observations are fantastic, and the casual discussions are easy to understand.
The only conclusion I draw from the episode is that humans have an extinction date.😂😂😂
We've gone full circle. How long until we figure out there was a very good reason why our ancestors decided to place restrictions on dating? Most importantly, why did we think we were smarter than them?
As a history major in college and overall history nerd, I can confirm we do this all the time with almost everything. There's this false belief that we as humans have continuously trended up with no exceptions
@@Captain_Insano_nomercyprobably that, as well as looking back on how people were eg. Fear of witches or being unhygenic
@@Captain_Insano_nomercy Yea i hate the modern delusion that we are now better people .
Chris you are becoming one of my favorites…you are so insightful ❤
Chris your podcast is awesome! Been really enjoying these 🙌
Sadia is undoubtedly a hot girl and is so well spoken and articulate but I just find it hard to trust her when she's factually incorrect about a lot of things and she also presents her opinions and anecdotes as facts. Also she herself is not married and self-admitedly said (in her other interviews) she has hard time holding down relationships. It was an entertaining interview but why take advice about relationships from people who can't even get a handle of their own relationships?
Well what she says makes sense but your point is fair enough
She is good at illuminating how things work in the female mind. You could hold down a bad relationship forever, that's not good. Being single for a higher value mate is smart, being single forever and not valuing a good mate is dumb tho. If she is single forever that's bad
So that means men shouldn’t listen to fresh and fit and red pill guys either right ? Since they not married or nun
She was so wrong about her assessment on women that grew up in single parent homes. Many of those women learned independence and to walk away from bad relationships-not need a replacement man before making an exit
@@YoungGodlyKingmen and women r valued for different things. Myron and fresh have multiple women but they will be valued for their podcast. Meanwhile women r valued for what man they attract
Throughout the podcast she has spoken some really chilling cold facts with a happy face😂
😆 And a calm, warm tone
At times she makes some incredibly insightful statements. At other times she says things that are damned naive and ignorant.
@@stevec3526 Her take is pretty funny to me "Just be a: rich, attractive, emotionally adept, relationship expert with enough female options to be able to walk away from one beauty queen and pick up another later that day; and everything will be great!" I think we could all say a collective: "Well no duh, Lady."
@@jakeroon Last time I heard she was single.
@@stevec3526of course she is. How does it go? "Physician, heal thyself yadda yadda"
Wow I love this woman! So so smart. Interesting hearing these conversations!!
I've only listened to the first 8 minutes, but I really love what she's saying. That we're designed for and need love. It's very validating - I've always longed to be held lovingly in someone's arms, and to be able to make them feel loved. I've always felt I had a lot of affection just waiting to come out.... .... I'm with L.C.S.W. Ken Paige on this - "The Myth of Needing to be Loved". So many people, especially in one online community, are IMO not even being honest- if you're not TOTALLY happy (and I assume this means, for the rest of one's life) single, you're somehow lacking and need to work on yourself more.
The "nice guy" point hits hard every time. That what I am but I'm supposed to change that in order to be with someone. That's not exactly the world I want to live in.
Be careful. The problem comes when you are nothing but a nice guy. I mean, being somewhat bearable as a human being is the basic prerequisite for entering the game. The misconception comes from the whole hypergamy situation. Successful or very attractive men can get away with not being superficially nice because they have other, obvious things going for them. But beware of playing the asshole when you are an average dude. When you don't excel at anything, you need be your best self AND be charming to score.
Nice guy = creep. I'm kind to people but I also set and meet goals. I don't settle for being "nice" or mediocre. I work hard for people to respect me, can depend on me, and want to be around me. If your just "nice" well you don't have anything else to offer? What makes anyone want to be your friend other then your "nice"? Nice isn't an attribute. It should be a default behavior between human beings. How do you compete with men who are "nice" and have really fun personalities? I can promise you there's a lot of really nice successful good-looking men out there.
Women want a killer who is good with kids and waitresses and comes with a leash. The first two are non-negotiable. You control the leash.
I would not have used the term "nice guy", it's more like a person that is a push over , indisisive and just lets others dictate their life.
I'm a nice guy, or I was. I now treat people how I want to be treated by them, anyone male / female that does not reciprocate that same attitude becomes invisible to me.
If dating is out of control, and women effectively control it, that would mean women are out of control.
Yes, based and red pilled. Which means you ultimately lead to the fundamental problem of society (the feminine problem at least) female freedom as it pertains to human sexuality and reproduction. It's the reason why this primitive _polygyny_ is going on right now like it was in caveman days.
It needs to be out of control for awhile, so that males can learn a lesson.
@@sarahrobertson634"I see your gross statement and raise you a disgusting statement!"
Super hyper sonic *REEEEEEEEEEE*
@@sarahrobertson634 what lesson exactly do men need to learn? I have been not perfect, but really good to all my partners, and still get cheated on, left, and very hurt.
Another great conversation Chris! My husband has been listening for months and has talked of your channel several times. I had only listened to "clips" here and there but the last couple weeks I've ran full episodes if only on audio in the background while I did other things around the house. I'll keep tuning in...🎉
Incredible podcast, I learned a lot about me and what a healthy relationship looks like. Thanks for that Chris and Sadia, you are restoring some people's hope for the futur of social interactions. Btw the ending "happiness comes from discomfort and solving problems" made me very happy, that's what I do and I hope more people could do it as well and solve this problem that is life by finding a purpose.
The segment of trying to redefine what body count means was just funny 🤣
For real, even a modestly attractive girl will turn down hundreds if not thousands of men
It's ironic how Sadia basically confirmed many "Red pill" arguments (see alpha widow, monkeybranching, women timelines, loss of respect and attraction for being a nice guy, attraction to traditional masculinity etc) proposed by Rollo Tomassi in his books, that often bring hate.
I’m going to preface this by saying I haven’t read those books, so my observation is based on watching RP content on YT. Sadia might confirm a lot of what RP says about female human nature, but she’s nowhere near as vitriolic or misogynistic as RP content creators. You can confirm a lot of those characteristics without being overtly negative about them. For example: women naturally seek a man who is competent and has resources is not the same as women are all gold diggers who will leave you for a richer man. Similarly, you might notice that men are more naturally aggressive, but that doesn’t mean that all men are violent and abusive.
@@Path_of_Virtue I agree. I don't like much of rp content creators especially on reels/short content. Psyhacks (Orion taraban), Rational Male (Rollo, on his long format video) Justin Waller when he is on podcasts, Richard Cooper on long format videos and podcasts. They seems to be balanced, not angry at the biological nature of intergender dynamics but in full acceptance. It's futile to be angry at nature, it is what it is.
Excellent exchange of information + perspective. Also fascinating to see both hiding their hands.. A common bodily language for not revealing all their cards
This was incredibly insightful and just hit so many important points on things in general, not just dating. What a great podcast.
Another amanzing podcast. Also Sadia is SOOOO well spoken! Very easy to listen to and absorb the info.
What did you learn?
The average woman wants a man that IS superior to them but don't want to be treated as inferior. I remember being tactless and young, straight up telling an ex this. Asking her why do you expect me to be better than you instead of roughly equals? If I was that much better than I'd leave you and go for an equal. That relationship wasn't long for this world after that convo lol.
Superior is not the right term. It’s not about being better. Men and women have their roles which fulfills the normal dynamic of a relationship. Women want a man that is a protector, provider and strong. Superior in physical strength sure but more so strong in terms of his mind set, goals, and role as a man.
@@MarilynnMonacoSo superior 😂
@@MarilynnMonacoout of interest in what ways should a man be inferior to a woman so they balance one another out after the traits you just mentioned ?
@@MarilynnMonaco yea so superior lol
@@MarilynnMonaco It is about being Superior. You know this, you just don't like it being outlined like that because just as the original comment said, you don't want to be treated as inferior. You want a man that is Superior but treats you equally so you feel like you're on the same level but if anything goes wrong you'll be completely protected and provided for and won't have to worry.
So true what she said about the forgiving part.. I’ve messed me about so many times letting girls back into my life who messed me about n wondered why it didn’t work out a 2nd time.. this is the confirmation I needed
I understand that. I was always picking men with the avoidant attachment style.
@@Molly_Belle avoidant attachment style, what is that ?
I love this talk. These questions and answers are interesting to me 🤔
There's lots of talk about single men as porn addicts living in their mum's basement. However there are many more men like me. Decent job, decent social skills, decent relationship experience. But we don't rank in the top 5 % of men on Tinder, where the fun happens but real relationships not so much. Average attractive women need to lower their standards or continue being used.
I understand some of your sentiments and I've got something for you to think about. Maintain your pride and your dignity. Don't worry about Tinder nonsense, in fact, get off the dating apps altogether, and your life will improve dramatically. Never think about women lowering their standards. No, they must keep their high standards. When one with high standards is interested in you, you'll know she's made a very good choice, as have you.
@@matthewmanners6004 please tell us where it's acceptable to approach women romantically.
@@user-mu4ld9of2v - Anywhere and everywhere. However, your question appears to suggest you're thinking in terms of cold approach. Don't do cold approach. Try warm approach.
wrong plus I'm a dancer@@matthewmanners6004
Definitely the most exposing and honest discussion Ive ever heard on this topic, both sides making absolutely spot on observations, melding traditional values with modern mentality so well, young lovers could gain so much insight from hearing this with open ears!
Apart from when she claimed that working on yourself is 'childish' and that men without kids are basically children
@@DLC1990 also the "if a man is in his 40s and never been married or had children, hes not worth entertaining.. blah" I think in these instances I can forgive her, as shes obviously talking from a biased position, maybe its a off the cuff dig at an ex, rather than a informative model, you notice she didnt break apart why men are "x" like she did with her other comments, lets face it, failed relationships will always give us biases against certain things we see as impactful... xx
@mistergray888 ultimately i think we should take some of what she says with a pinch of salt. She is a beautiful woman that has spent much of her time around confident rich men. Her anecdotes arent going to resemble that of the average persons experiences.
@mistergray888 just to add as well: I often find that in my experience, women have distain towards men that choose to be single. (This may explain sadias' stance on being unmarried and childless) Men, however, tend to understand and sometimes envy it.
@@DLC1990Men can value things outside social norms more easily than women. If a man says he built a wooden house in a forest and lives off-grid, we as men can appreciate the effort and commitment to a cause of said man. Women can't because they're wired to be tied to communities and relationships. It's also a by-product of her lifestyle, being financially affluent while being surrounded by people with mostly the same upbringing etc.
It's a serious problem that Destiny is being unironically cited as having credible dating advice. The man is in the most dysfunctional relationship imaginable and absolutely nobody should be using it as a positive example.
and now he’s getting a divorce lol
You peeped it
Every clip I’ve seen from this has been spot on so I had to come listen to the whole thing! One of my favorite interviews on this channel
Because birth control made having sex inconsequential and women’s behaviors have ruined the dating market
The fact that birth control has made sex so inconsequential is something mainstream media will ever touch. Women turn 17 and start taking birth control. It suggests that we are dealing with women that behavior different that ever before
I say very truthfully that I wouldn't touch a man with a ten foot pole who would expect me to be on birth control. The best "birth control" is to reject the philosophy and culture behind the movement itself and instead demand higher behavioral and character standards in myself that: 1.) I believe, like, and thus follow, i.e.: act as I believe 2.) That a marriage-minded and emotionally mature man open to children would naturally gravitate toward. *We traditionally-minded women do exist. As far as dating apps, in rejecting that culture, we've largely gone radio silent*
@@otaku4Gaijin traditionally-minded isn’t the same as traditional. And most women who think this way, only think this way because they are post-wall and had to alter their dating strategy since their options dwindled.
@visionforetold4568 Altering their dating strategy - that's interesting. I guess I don't know why women would change their standards if dating strategy equals that. I'd think standards of a potential husband and father as far as character and worldview would be the same? Maybe not being on the dating scene has blinded me to how women approximately my age and slightly older think.
1:00:06 she is right about when men are lost and in the street life, when they have children, they find their purpose and they step up. I’ve witnessed this with my nephew. The minute he found a woman and had a child, his life changed. He payed off his debt, quit the streets and got a construction job.
What do you think will happen when he is divorced?
Love hearing this and well done to your nephew. I’ve experienced this with the birth of my daughter as well. Having a little human be completely reliant on you for its existence has become the ultimate driving force and motivation in striving to get and keep my act together. I’m hard pressed to find anything more meaningful than the birth of your child. Once again, good for your nephew for finding that meaning in those relationships and for striving to act out his best.
Uh, no, that’s just an irresponsible loser who finally decided to stop being a bum because a child now depends on him. Don’t even want to know the background / looks of the female who was having unprotected intercourse and chose to then have a baby with a low value male like that. Yikes.
I couldn't believe she made that comment lol. She's insinuating women should marry criminals and these criminals should pass on their genes. They should get rewarded for their behavior in some sense.
@blairl6304 thats literally the point thats been made in the video. Men that are 'bums' step up when they find real purpose. Not sure why you had to re word what had already been said.
Sadia has stated my experience 💯, especially when it comes to self esteem and your perception of worth to someone else. I've been single for over 20 years, i am surprised that i am still walking out the front door to be honest. Anyone young enough and noticing these things should strike out and get into it finding your way early because before you know it half your life will be over, don't give in to the negativity just go out and make your own experiences, i think firstly finding a career and then everything else will flow from there. Good luck and make the best of it. One last thing, stay relatively fit, nothing inhibits your ability then gaining " too much weight"✌️
Such an amazing episode! Thank you so much Chris and Sadia❤
So Al Bundy from Married with Children was right. "Son, don't try to understand women, women understand women and they hate each other"
Women do not hate each other. Most healthy well adjusted women have large groups of friends.
😂😂😂 TRUE !!! 😂😂😂
Al Bundy was unironically based and wise.
@@Love-eg2vflol so you think.
I miss that show, so funny 😂😂😂😂
I like how Sadia frequently asks Chris to give his opinion - I feel like it's good for CW as a host because people get to know him a lot more. Rich Roll did this as well!
social workers do that
*Rick Roll
Love this discussion.. everything is so on point .. thank you for sharing .. ❤
Thank you both! I support and respect both of you for the great information you are putting out there! ❤
Funny how all 2 hours basically ended with "Well, huh, men will have to step up cause women won't"
As it always does
Don't need 2 hours to get that message 😅
The human species is gynocentric.
Thats because our society is a matriarchy. We went from an honour bound patriarchy to a litigious matriarchy and every social problem today arises from this.
Thank you practioner of common sense in the comments
Jealous about bodycount is wild. It’s disgust not jealously
or both?
Jealousy is an emotion for small minded people. If you can’t figure out why you’re not able to get what someone else is getting you’re not smart enough or to afraid to change things about yourself to attract the opposite sex or same sex wtv you prefer.
No its not about jealousy. No man is passing up a relationship with a woman who has a high body count because they are "jealous"@@JonA-ih5he
@@A_W2016_love until you have truly been in love you cannot understand jealousy, it comes with the territory.
Wonderful podcast Chris, keep up the great work. Good intellectually honest conversations are just priceless. This was a great one, rewarded you with a subscription, well deserved one too. Thanks for the great, engaging content.
I learned alot from this podcast and it dissected problems very clearly. Chris asks great questions, and Nadia is such a beautiful smart woman wow what a role model
I think because children are growing up these past 25 or so years, watching their parent get divorced and remarried/re-partnered is causing the children to become more polyamorous and to not treat relationships/marriage as serious as previous generation.
I understand what you wanna say, for sure it is the best for a kid to grow up with parents who are married until death and which have a loving marraige together. But I mean there are other sides too. Sometimes it is important to get a divorce, nobody get divorced for fun. If I am honest I grew up with an alcoholic dad who had anger issues and a mum who got depression and panic attacks because of it. I begged her since I am a small child she should get a divorce.
Great show Chris. People in general will benefit in watching this episode.. Look forward to watching more of Chris W episodes.
This comment section is brutal!! Great work Chris, I love your podcast and your engagement with your guests. You bring a lot to the table.
I feel fortunate that I experienced love at a young age (17yr old) and was able to experience young women in the late 2000's before social media corruption and life corruption. I feel bad for men who never got to experience the young, innocent love of a woman before the world, life and money corrupted her mind, truly was a thing of beauty that is up in smoke by the time she is 22-25. Ive been single for several years after a girl that I really clicked with broke my heart and in turn, changed my view and perception of modern relationships and marriage.
Not for every woman. But definitely the majority. I met my husband when I was 24. (I’m 28 now) he’s 5 years older. And we became best friends and got married 1.5years after we met. 😊❤ I’m thankful for him every day. From day one he knew I wanted someone to love , grow old and have a happy family with. That’s all I wanted and it’s what we have and we’re happy ❤.
There are still great women out there.
@user-gj5vr4tr9q It seems from reading KZhead comments, most good men and women are observing the dating scene rather than being in it - myself included. Modern culture began getting weird post-Tinder and I've personally rejected its hedonistic values.
Sorry you experienced that. But try going for women who know what rejection feels like too.
Don’t complain about being brokenhearted when you put a clock on desireable women that ends at 25 🤣
A very welcome conversation. Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to more from both of you individually and together.
Aww I feel for you when you said women haven’t been kind or supportive to you. I am also a traditionally attractive woman and I’ve had to go out of my way and be extra supportive to make female friendships. I would support you! You are intelligent and beautiful and I celebrate that. However, I learned how to make female friendships at a young age from my mother. I was an only child and would have been very lonely if she hadn’t taught me. She is the most physically beautiful woman I know and she herself had many close female friendships. It can be done, it just takes practice and finding the right women. Many women will never accept me.
amazing podcast. Very insightful. Thank you.
I know women who have plenty of male friends and yet know nothing about men
Can I put a recommendation forward? I would love to hear a conversation between Chris and James Sexton, Divorce Lawyer and Author of his latest book How To Stay in Love. I really enjoy these relationship/gender psychology conversations.. this podcast was a pleasure to listen to.
I agree that would be such an interesting podcast
Yes! This!
Thats a good pick. Ill throw @psychacks name in there too
Chris has shown from his past guests that Sexton would challenge him. So Sexton will NEVER be invited on the show.
What a great conversation. Such great insights. Thank you both.
Sis married women are deeep in the competition zone. No one is off this zone. Unless you and your partner are absolutely incredibly committed and honest with each other.
Such a high quality conversation! Thank you for this.
People are fake, disingenuous, and lustful. This is why dating sucks. People need self-care, mental health education, and maturity....more than a date. People are grossly unhealed and not working on being healed. These same people go out seeking relationships that become dangerous to them. Heal yourself, become whole, love yourself...then a relationship is an option
… a remarkable discussion!!! … brilliant guest in Ms. Kahn, as she identifies the problems with modernity, and the age-old common sense that outlines the behaviors and thinking solutions necessary to contend with the plague of problems facing those trying to engage in modern relationships. Thank you Chris.
Her defense of why woman are better than AIchat bots only made the chatbots sound good
Ha! This interview was very entertaining indeed! This chick talks like she's blurting answers on a game show, instead of conversing in a sophisticated interview, where she'd have to think before she speaks. Also, the children in Africa have no time to be depressed comment... it's pure gold.🎉
Could it be because she doesn't really think before speaking? She just... regurgitates what others told her?
Its because its her work...she explains...and does it brilliantly..
A very insightful, interesting and also helpful video podcast. Thank you for this interesting content
Loved listening to this. Thanks to you both!
Been watching your content for a while not just this particular episode and your content is always super organic.