The gifts of infidelity | Kelsey Grant | TEDxGastownWomen
In this talk, Kelsey tells the story of her lover's infidelity. While at first heartbroken, she was able to pull three "gifts" from the experience, and is grateful for it and where it took her and her partner.
Kelsey Grant is passionate about living in a world where people feel inspired, fulfilled, balanced and happy within the expansiveness of their intimate relationships. As a Relationship Coach rooted in Radical Self Love Methodology, her writing has been featured on various platforms such as My Tiny Secrets, One Life Momentum, Independent Awakening and Young and Raw.
When she is not writing about love or supporting coaches, thought leaders and game changers in accessing greater alignment for their leadership and relationships to thrive, she is busy running a local sisterhood circle that is a safe space for women to share what is really going on behind the scenes of their lives.
Currently, she is teaching “The Alchemy Of Love” program- her flagship series designed to create proper space from the inside out, for love to emerge in a greater way than ever before.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
“In the last 3 years we’ve went through 3 different instances of infidelity” I’m gonna have to stop you right there sis. Get your stuff. I’ll bring the car around. It’s time to go.
LOL MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I totally agree with you
@Marky I wonder if she's still with the guy.
its my thought
The first red flag...falling in love fast and furious....”this is my person” after just weeks? Sure, leaving him would have been the self-loving thing to do. I understand and respect where she’s coming from though...she’s at a place in her own journey..and still has something to offer. Five months of “self-love”? Just getting started..., but she’s on the right path. If you’ve ever been in love with somebody through infidelity it’s not always just that easy. It does take strength to overcome insecurities..., but then she mentions her intuition was right the first time? Gaslighting ones self...taking ownership of HIS infidelity..then learning if it and taking him back. She’s hoping that at some point he’ll see that she truly loves him...and that he’ll magically realize he truly loves her..and change. In the meantime, she’s giving up the opportunity to develop a relationship with somebody who will demonstrate something better. One might have compassion for her. Personally, his original infidelity lends itself more to the idea that if somebody lies/cheats, they’ll do it again. The first time, taking them back with them being truthful is personal choice...and theres a huge risk one takes with that...deserving of respect in their character. The second time, “my bad”...done deal. I hope she finds the self love and the partner she truly desires...knowing we don’t necessarily get what we deserve, but we get what we negotiate.
This is proof that anyone can get a TEDtalk.
Sounds like my ex, who gave me at least three gifts that I know of over a couple of years. But instead of doing a Ted talk about how great it was, I finally just left him
I have the feeling she's still with him. Or did I miss that in the talk?
Good for you! You knew you could do much better.
Even the Bible says to break up with someone when they cheat on you.
I have a feeling this guy is going to give you many more gifts.
Lol
@@intuitrip Damn right.
Agreed
👌
Totally 💯
This is really sad. She has brainwashed herself into being a doormat.
Exactly
If he’s been so unfaithful so often in such a short amount of time, she has a hard road ahead if she stays with him. This is awful.
Women are no different.
Agreed. Four years later this still pisses me off
Awful! I can't believe her thought process
She reached out to the other woman and told HER to stop doing what SHE'S doing? Girl! That woman didn't cheat on you - your man did!
Or maybe her man lied about her existence in his life to the other women he was having an affair with ? Maybe he called out being single and didn't put front the fact that he was already in a committed relationship with Kelsey? And if that's the case then what Kelsey did was right. Reaching out to that woman was necessary to make herself visible but that doesn't spare the fact that his man did it all wrong. And sometimes no matter how badly you get hurt, there's always a part in you that tries to convince your heart to give it another chance but yeah limited chances and if it still doesn't bring the outcome that a healthy relationship is suppose to have, that's when you should leave.
I can't believe what I just listened to... I was trying to find the self love thing in there .... These aren't gifts these are red flags ...
Sweetie, it's not you, it's him. You're all good...Sending love and light.
You may have received three gifts but you also are still stuck with a partner who does not value your relationship. If infidelity occurs or has occurred a fourth time then your last gift should be that you can have love but you need to find that partner willing to love you equally in return. Otherwise the story always ends in infidelity.
wonderfully put and honest....
Yep even in a open relationship you both have to be the same. if one is hurt by the other, they will do it again and again. One of my ex's cheated on me and it wasn't the fact she cheated, it was the fact that she was always getting jealous when I got attention of other girls, even though I had said I wasn't interested.
It's a lot more complex than that.
I admire her ability to look within herself and her kindness to the other woman but I also hope that one day she would be "self love" enough to dump his ass 😑
Yessssss
yess exactly
There is a word that describes her behavior. It's called enabling.
Yes, but what if they're married?
@@almamakoni990 why would that make any difference?
This is truly a unique case. i stayed with my cheating partner and went through the same thing, that i should improve whatever toxic traits I have and every person deserves love and compassion, people do bad things out of pain. Ended up getting dumped a year later. 10/10 would not recommend
Relatable. I went against my own values of never taking back a cheater-all the ingredients of infidelity returned and now we are divorcing.
The worst part of this is that she's presenting her situation as healthy.
Yes... That!
Well put
I’ll tell you what’s unhealthier....not recognizing this stuff and saying...it could never happen to me!!!
@@jessicaswanson5557 Yeah... I think you've missed the point here. It's not the point that it couldn't happen to anyone else, but rather the way you deal with it and how things go afterwards.
Many peoplewould guve up. When u know who is ur person. You take and guve and vise versa. You dont just give up and next everytime they mess up. Chances are 95% of the time males will cheat. Out of all the guys I know only 1 that I could count has not cheated. So with that said it is childish to believe in Cinderella stories. To break up after each and every mistake is totally up to u. But most likely every man cheats and will cheat no matter how old they are
This made me realise how blessed one must be to have a faithful spouse or partner. It is very rare these days
Very
Yes, my husband had told me about being approached by a few women. He tells them he's happily married.
How about finding the strength, security, and self-love to leave this man??? You don't have to judge him or hate him to walk away.
Well said snd truth 100% truth! It really is that simple.
I understand her points. It's always going to be a tough topic to bedunk. But self love makes you unstoppable. We can't know all the ins and outs of every relationship.
@@RepWolfMan I’m starting to really believe all men cheat so we should just expect it and prepare our hearts or callous them and just be practical and cold in our relationships (at least deep down). Do you really think any man stays faithful forever? There seems to be no value on that to most of them. Like they can see why deceiving anyone else on earth (even a stranger) would be wrong and of poor character, but when it’s their woman, she doesn’t matter enough to get that same basic respect. It’s so sad. :(
I see that you learnt nothing, dear, if you love yourself, walk away from this unstable man. Three times?!!!!! Are you afraid that you will not find another one to love you? Where s your self love?!!
@@littlelam3691 "I'm starting to really believe all men cheat...." Hate to break it to you but women cheat at about the same rate as men.
TRUST...is the FOUNDATION of every relationship. Infidelity=No Trust!!! No Trust=No Stable Relationship...Simple Math. The real scary thing is...is that this young gal is actually counseling and giving advice to others about relationships.
Well, there are people who are bad at their jobs everywhere, including counselors.
Not true...i cheated 7 years ago...we split up..i remained faithful the entire 6 years...he dated...now were back for 9 months...went to therapy and we r better than ever.
@@Amber-Avalon1972 Yes same with us.
Honestly though, and this is a bit off topic but has to do someone with infidelity, The issue is my wife and I have gone thru have helped our relationship open up a little bit. Or become more fluid, however you want to refer to it. If either one of us become involved with another person, we know that won't necessarily hurt our relationship.
No compassion=No stable relationship. Simple math.
while I appreciate the courage to stand on a stage and talk about such personal issues, the real lesson of self-love is to not put up with other people's BS.
Loving yourself means respecting yourself. You can do all the work to love yourself while being in a healthy relationship, with somebody that respects you.
Oh wow.... You have no idea :( Coming from someone who has done the cheating and have been cheated on, self love is never enduring other people treating you like shit. Why stay with someone who can't even love himself enough to NOT cheat, let alone love YOU?
This just makes me sad. Cheaters and their affair partners deserve NO compassion or love. She hasn't learned to love herself either if she stayed with the cheater. True self love is recognizing that you deserve better.
I wonder how many more “gifts” she has received since she gave this talk.
Being with a chronic cheater is the gift that keeps on giving.
Exactly. She thinks very little of herself.
Unconditional love is what she should have for herself. If she had any, she would not have tolerated this behavior.
Sometimes unconditional love means being honest with yourself, including your many many faults, and taking responsibility for what you can. Just a general fact.
true
Truly, if one is not capable of giving unconditional Love are they really worthy of receiving unconditional love!
@@Nandomo321 Then wait 5 years before you marry and/or knock up a broad/get knocked up & use birth control up until that point. Unless we still as adults believe babies come from storks.
the comments are better than her speech
😂
😂
😂
😂
LOL
If The Onion was doing a Ted Talk, this would be it. I’ve listened to many Ted talks, I can’t believe they gave this woman a platform. Why don’t you “hold space” for yourself.
Put all that love into someone that loves you BACK !!
CC Libre o
How about saving all that good energy for someone who loves you ? Preserve your emotions and protect what you value. There is no peace in your heart soul and mind when you’re dating a serial dater/Cheater. Have you ever considered that you’re addicted to the drama ?
If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.
this is the best answer to any cheater
God dam right brother!
Getting good lessons out of life experience is great but staying in a relationship that keeps going over and over the same failure is insane. Unconditional self love is exactly what she is missing.
Seriously honey, you gotta stop this is just nonsense
Kelsey, you have to leave this guy. And to stop messaging the other woman.
This is the worst video ive seen. I think the gaslighting must be working. Self love is about self respect, surely after knowing the second time she should have ran.
I actually feel bad for you. He's clearly destroyed your self esteem. You're being emotionally abused and manipulated
yeah, evidently also by her male psychotherapist! "Seeelff looove, must come first! " I don't know how brainwashed she was, but if you love something, you respect it. Not allow something to abuse it 3x (that she KNOWS OF!)
I have a feeling she never had it to begin with.
tishtash321 I agree with you
Ya my ex-husband tried to give me these gifts when he had an affair with my ex-best friend. suppose that I have not "done as much work on myself" as I would not cross the street to piss on her if she were on fire.
By now, you've either bought some cats, or commenced doing the required work on yourself to land another man.
Right, she should be careful of the other gifts he has in store. The gift of Chlamydia, Herpes and the best gift of all HIV. What a giving partner.
😄😃😆😃 thanks, very Funny!
@@ytlongbeach does it sound like she has worked on it?
lol. U rule!
"what an honor to hear his truth"- lady wtf are you on?
lol that's what struck me as the most idiotic thing she said, except 'I'll give ya another go around"
Seriously
Liz E Best comment😎
Liz E ii
Liz E 👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is about a boy you were dating right? No marriage, no kids, no house etc. You're a nice young girl and he isn't marriage material so move on.
Yes,when you’re married many many years and kids are involved it gets more complicated.
@May Baby Amen!
May Baby There always will be a solution, but doesn’t mean it wont be “more complicated” my two cents
Oof
Well said Paul
Every hurtful happening bears gifts to knowledge, that doesn't mean everyone should accept or repeat it!!
precisely
Aris Giannakos amén to that
Agreed!!
... with the same person over and over.
and she tells the story with pride!
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She's addicted to the drama of the relationship..
Oh sweet girl, no. If self love was truly your goal, you would get out of this emotionally abusive relationship!Staying with someone who has such a lack of respect for you and your commitment is not a gift... and trying to sell it as such sends a dangerous message to young women.
I agree. I admire Kelsey for the immense insight she has in the area of self-love. But she has missed the point completely by allowing into her life someone who would cheat on her repeatedly and hurt her so many times. She has also violated one of the fundamental Rules of Love, and as a consequence her partner WILL certainly cheat on her again and abandon her eventually. A woman of value always puts her heart first.
That's the lack of understanding most people will have about the topic of infidelity. Cheating is not the end of the world. It can be an end of a relationship, or a way for you to revalue your current one. Deeming it "abusive" or anything else without knowing the actual situation is nothing but short-sighted.
Time shall tell..
typical you didnt understand a thing she was talking about.
EvaV aka Evil R
NOPE! NO..... i do not agree. i think you are in a toxic relationship. further what you have described in your partner's behavior sounds like he has narcissistic traits. 1- the initial break up he ghosts you. then explains it's because of your insecure behavior he chose to move on, but not before he explains he cheated. he found a new supply that he was more interested in, which inevitably failed and came back to you. 2-although you have once again been betrayed by the same person, he is somehow the victim in which you need to be there for him. this false intimacy you are describing is not ownership of his actions, but of how well you supply him with no boundaries and acceptance. 3-at this stage you have completely gave up on holding him accountable, so you now externalize the wrong doing upon the other girl. now you're essentially reinforcing narcissistic behavior as they will not hold themselves accountable. I'm not saying the other girl doesn't have her part to own up to but that's absurd. you need to reassess the premise of self love and unconditional love. people make mistakes, their remorse will be shown by their following actions. he's made it clear that he will not change and that you will continueto project your mantra unto your relationship. of course with every continued transgression you will either have to "grow" your mantra to justify his acts or watch your belief system come apart. this is not love, it's co dependancy.
This is a perfectly formulated comment! I agree 100%
Donathan Harris well said. Completely agree
Brilliant comment!!. Glad to see that you guys are of sound minds to recognize this speakers very sad, blind, denial about infidelity. Looks like she is counselling and helping others who have also have esteem issues to embrace infidelity gifts, such as hepatitis, A-b-c, herpes, aids, trichomonaisis, siphillis, gono ect. This is the first time I am completely appalled, and dissapointed with presentation from TedTalks.
@@krissetteaerislahn6141 I am dead 😂😂 @"infidelity gifts"
You are absolutely correct, the actual title "The gifts of infidelity" sound to me like an encouragement/approval. If it happens ones it is bad enough, but three times in three years...He is a habitual cheater and a narcissist as well. I hope she wakes up soon or she will get hurt again.
Leave it to a relationship "coach" to be blind to being co-depedant and blind to a trauma bond. You don't love yourself if you keep going back to someone that keeps cheating on you, you don't love yourself if you "keep yourself open to someone breaking your heart proving they don't deserve you (that is coming from a woman - her mother- that grew up in a generation that womans main goal in life was to be married at any price), AND I totally agree with the person below that told you the other woman didn't cheat on you, he did! Dumping guilt on to the other women = you begging the other women to get out of your relationship like he won't go out and find someone else. I am speaking from experience not just spouting off like people do 'well if that happened to me I would blablabla". You don't know what you would do until you're there. My counselor found this out for herself in her own marriage and did a 180 when it was her turn. This video has to be some of the most uneducated, poor advice I have heard in a long time and unworthy of a Ted talk.
on one hand, you're totally right. on the other, this is a good lesson she is sharing with us, maybe some could learn on her mistakes!
@@user-aRb00d3r It sounds like a nice idea to learn from someones mistakes just by hearing them talk about it but human nature isn't so easily persuaded. The only person in this world that you can truly control is you thanks to free will. If you don't want to be kicked, don't hang out with someone that kicks you. People do it all the time though and rather than get up and do something new, they wounder why they have bruises, blame someone else, or sit there and keep being kicked while calling themselves a victim. Sometimes it is literally a matter of changing where you chose to sit.
Betrayal is not a gift, it is a destroyer. If you folks had an open relationship, though weird to me, then it would be at least an agreed upon concept. But the only way to look upon infidelity is in the act its self. It is saying that you, the person I am betraying, are not good enough and are not fulfilling my needs, and it is only my needs and expectations that need be met in this relationship. Have fun with that, in accepting you are not the best, your self will accept you were always worse
HEY ADVERSITY INSTRUCTS
I have a feeling if she stays in this relationship she will get many more gifts
Yep, every day is gonna be like Christmas for her. We'll, that is, of course, if there was a way to box up disrespect, betrayal, and STDs and stuff em under the tree.
This was probably one of the worst TEDx I have ever seen
High praise, TED went off the rails when they got woke.
No, I have seen worst, Ted needs to check the speeches before they are aired.
She's a pick meisha
You can see how uncomfortable the audience is.
TED Talks just be letting anybody tell stories....
Yeah, unconditional love of being side chick 9871
Is this about the Power of Doormats?
Lmao.
😍🤣🤣
Woman to woman ! I feel sorry for you ! You are not his mother, psychologist or therapist ! Wow, just wow. Unconditional love, pleeeease ............ i am so saddened by your message to women.
Brie Chilli jQuery
Brie Chilli This was a bummer. I’m a man and that guy she’s with gives GOOD FAITHFUL men a bad name. She needs to kick him to the curb.
Thank you for saying this ! I agree with the poster. This is a bad TEDx
I agree, nor a good message for women I'm sorrry but if my boyfriend cheated on me , which he did twice. I left him. The way i see it if I'm not enough women for him and he is not willing to put effort into the relationship then i don't need to be in his life. I did forgive afterwards but also ended the relationship since he became toxic by his infidelity
Brie Chilli couldn’t agree more. This is so far from self love and self respect that I’m in awe...
Classic narcissist and victim 🙄...what’s disturbing is she is coaching other people on relationships.
Lol these are couple therapists... I know a woman who was cheated on, recieved STD from her cheater husband and now shes a couple coacher and its so cringe
Wow I didn’t see it that way, but either way I thought the one always extending kindness was the codependent one? Idk, help me out
Some valid points and I admire this ladies capacity for self awareness, growth and empathy, but I still think that it's not up to you to solve someone's issues in the sense of, if a close, supposedly trusted loved one keeps betraying and hurting you, there is no shame in moving on. Forgive and forget is an underrated phrase.
OK so she claims she got gifts..she should be glad she did not get some other gifts..like HIV or Herpes..
Sje jas the gift tjat keeps giving a cheater...
@@jordanallen8420 i wish you all the best brother man.
It is so hard to take that a woman would blame a woman for what happened to the relationship. She may have talked to the other woman but his man will always cheat with any other woman. Self love is also about giving yourself a self respect that a man can't even give. Its ok to forgive, but staying in one relationship only to keep tracing and chasing who he is getting busy with is a total BS. That is not self love but too much adoration to one man who never once considered you as adorable enough to be faithful with. Your intuition is your friend but you have never put it into a good use. Use your gift lady!
My heart hurts for you Kelsey. You are in an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship. The most loving gift to yourself would be to love yourself enough to leave. You may be struggling with co-dependency. I am in the mental health field and not speaking out of ignorance. I pray that you find clarity in this situation. It is my belief that you are worthy of a healthy relationship wear your heart is valued in the way it should be. God bless you and protect you.
I appreciate this woman’s story, and I was almost waiting for her to say, that after she spoke to the other woman who she reassured that she deserved compassion, love, and respect, and I was almost positive she that she too would say she deserved the same & ended her relationship. Maybe after the 4th time, she will realized she deserves a man who respects her & their relationship.
Ok.... he cheated twice!! Forgave him once, second time he does, she confronts the 'other woman' like it's her fault. She was NOT married or committed to the 'other woman'. She should handled the issue with the husband who made a commitment and who keeps cheating. He will sleep with another lady and you will keep receiving the gifts he's giving you again and again, don't bother 'other women'. With online apps he does not need a relationship.. he will cheat, you will stay and you will seem desperate. You can do better.
@earth ocean 😂
I would love an update on this, I bet it didn't turn out so well.
Esther Perel teaches about relationships better. when someone has this "Don't leave me, I can't live without you" mentality. that's NOT love, that's PARASITISM.
It's codependency, is unhealthy, and toxic
She’s learning a lot with these experiences, and bound to learn a few more !
This is the worst part of my life. I have never been so confused should I stay or should I go. I found out nov 15 2020 and I feel no better today. I am so sick of the lies. I have been lied to fir 28 years. I am so scared of what I don’t know. I know he shouldn’t be able to just do what ever he wants like a single man and now that he is ready to settle down me just be here. And if I have to hear one more time to just get over it. I am gonna throw up. You can’t just turn off the pain like a light switch. I am dying inside and can’t get any answers. 😢😢😢
Me too Jen.....Nov 18th 2020......I watch many youtube videos on betrayal and trauma PTSD.......your feelings and emotions will be validated.......I understand you
The gifts of infidelity is heartbreak ..
This is not loving and respecting herself. This is her making excuses and justifications for his behavour. She is obsessive over him and is doing anything to keep together. Sad...
After hearing this, if I were her client, I would demand my money back! What gibberish!
Exactly
Gibberish is the PERFECT word!!
I guess this guy now knows he can cheat as much as he likes and she will always allow it.
Incondicional love doesn’t exist in romantic relationships! There is always a set of conditions your romantic partner has to meet for love to exist and persist, and your partner has clearly not been following your set of conditions! If fidelity wasn’t a condition for you you, you wouldn’t even care about his infidelities, but you clearly are hurt. So, get a man who respects you! That’s self-love!
I guess she would welcome more infidelity given how much she gained from it...
:D :D
These are the people that are suposed to be experts? I learned once a cheater always in my teens, and love myself enough to know to trusty my gut. Did t e en need a degree to figure that out.
Right, lol???
I could teach her so much!
Exactly I don't agree with how she is presenting this idea.
Powerful. I have experienced many heart breaks . They have really built my self love and confidence. These experiences have changed the way I saw love 20 years ago. I learned what truelove is. I am proud to be with my partner and though we have had our test we have remained strong. I am so thankful for my test.
Wow....As a woman who has experienced infidelity, I have no clue how you were able to forgive and reconcile not once, not twice but three times. Uuuuuummmmmm...no thank you. My partner and I did manage to stay together. However, he is well aware that our relationship will end if it ever happens again. A gift I learned from all this in hindsight is that is not my job to make another woman aware of who I am. In other words, I should never have to let another B know that I'm the wife. That's my husband's job, and if he can't do that, he doesn't deserve the spot. I will applaud your ability to forgive though. You are wayyyyyyyyy bigger a person than I ever could or will ever be...
Girl, leave this guy! Just leave him! Run as fast as you can!
I understand her point of forgiveness, compassion and self love! I think is amazing to discover all that while you are in pain. But, in order to feel good with yourself you don’t have to stay with that person. You can forgive, give compassion and have self love not taking him back and find a man who will respect you, love you, and help you grow “together” as a person and not just one person and the other person keeps hurting him/her because he/she knows that you are sooooo compassionate that will forgive him/her all the time and the point is not only you learning to have all those great qualities but also the other person have to learn that if he/she does not have those qualities or TRY he/she will lose so don’t be selfish with yourself and make yourself a favor and free yourself and be happy!
One of the most misunderstood realities of staying in a relationship after cheating is that it is often the more courageous choice than walking away. Allowing someone the ability to cause such trauma and pain again, is not for the weak or faint hearted
I feel sad for this lady. Does one have to be cheated on to trust their intuition, gain compassion and open their heart? This sounds like a rally for Door Mats.
Three years? Been married 28 and Id leave if my wife decided to be unfaithful.
So basically, he gets away with cheating not once, but twice. unconditional love is fine, but not if it isn't reciprocated.
@earth ocean it was kinda unclear...she said more information came out later about the prior incident. I was confused if it was 2 or 3 times 🤔🤨.....
can you feel the audience's silence ... id like a where are they now on this girl and her "partner". this was beyond painful to listen to. like stab my eye with a pencil painful. after 3 times she should love herself enough to walk away from what is not serving her anymore poor girl
3 different instances? No woman, leave him. seriously, just no. Find a better human.
It’s hard to be open-minded when this is asking us to accept her being insecure is the reason the person she loved didn’t love her back as much. A committed relationship is not only one’s responsibility - it is both. It’s not a truth if you find out much later. As grown adults, I except total fidelity and we hold space for eachother equally. You can ‘universe agree’ it up all you want but you’re having a conversation with someone you should never have been in a place to have to speak to. Letting a man throw you away repeatedly and see it as finding gifts is the true insecurity to moving on and knowing that you deserve a partner who sees you rather than hides you.
The opposite of mansplaining. Delusional. Delusional. Delusional. maybe you should see if you can get his other girlfriends to take him back. I mean, if you really love him, you would, right? Think some more about who is being realistic here. Do you think he will ever decide someone else whom he is attracted to is not an option? Others have been an option before. Why sign up for more of that? Delusional.
Listen to your intuition ladies! Please! Never ignore your gut feeling ..it is always accurate!
Love yourself enough to find a better man, give both yourself and someone new the chance to meet better.
This isn't about the cheating. It is her story of gaining awareness, taking responsibility, and ultimately about choosing what to put out into the world. Everyone walks their own path. I would say congrats to her for being able to see her path and her choices and not making it a rougher road for those yet to travel.
Having said that she must leave that narcissist. Afterall She has been just his backup option. Not his significant life partner.
Would you take it if your wife did that? No? Okay then. Please don't let her suffer anymore.
"The gift of enabling"
This poor woman. Poor poor woman. Lack of self confidence. Lack of self love? She should have left the dude. THAT would have been loving oneself. It's called self respect!
This video is painful enough Kelsey
This is what happens when you base decisions on intuition, notions of "the one", woo, and other mystical nonsense
You talk about three gifts that you received but your boyfriend definitely would have realised what a wonderful gift💝 you are to him to genuinely understand him and show the unconditional love.. Bravo!!👏👏 Yet you deserve a better person sweetheart 💕
WOW I feel the light from this girl. And what a great light that is shes shining form such a darkness she started out with. Its actions like that, that will break people into hating them self's more then anything else. Also whats more ironic is her dark self would want all that but she would never get it unless inflicting it on a innocent person. You rarely get what you want in this world but if you try you will get what you need.
Doesnt mean she should stay with a toxic partner with a habit of cheating. She needs to value herself more by setting a rigid boundary and principles that she will not tolerate. If she were a cheater herself, then maybe her way of doing things makes sense. But she seems like a loyal person trying to stick with a undisciplined untrustworthy partner. She needs to leave that relationship in the same grace she confronted her adulteror.
"Self-love" is really a nice way of saying selfish. Selfishness is the inherent state of the fallen nature of man (that means women too!). The only time we should entertain staying in a relationship where infidelity occurs is in the sacred covenant of marriage. Even then, divorce is completely within our natural "right" as a spouse. Yes, there are lessons to be learned with any experience. To tout those lessons as "gifts" means that they were given to you by God. God does not give infidelity as a gift. It occurs, and He leads you through it (those are the lessons He helps you with), but it's never His design.
I'm glad I didn't see this in person. I would have gotten up and walked out.
I get it, and I respect your commitment to your own growth and learning. Simply shutting discomfort out of your life, though it may seem wise, shuts out learning and growth. Good on you for having compassion and prescience enough to listen to the deeper lesson. And simply shutting someone out that you love isn’t always the answer. Everyone deserves a chance and some compassion and understanding.
Sounds so intelligent and insightful but this is so far from healthy and "loving yourself" it's unreal. How come the moments where she's going " Chelsea, it's time to do something different" it never crosses her mind to kick his sorry behind to the curb?? Ladies Please dont be swayed by this nonsense. This is a perfect example of a one-way "unconditional love".
With that attitude I'm sure she will keep receiving gifts of infidelity in foreseeable future, I hope you may receive over 9000 gifts.
SHE IS NOT WEAK AS YOU
Why would you wish harm to anyone sir............??
Wow this is really a terrible message to pass on to anyone who has gone through infidelity for the first time. I myself am going through the process of learning of infidelity in my relationship and how I need to deal with it, but at least I know this is not healthy. I just wonder for young girls who may not have a lot of self love or confidence who take this to heart and think staying with their cheating person is good and « fearless. »
I am not saying this about this TED talk specifically but it seems like they give them to anyone...
what is wrong with this woman??? such a wrong message to young girls out there... forgiving his cheating once, I could understand... everyone deserves a second chance... but he respected her so little that he did it a second time... took her for granted... and she's ok with that??? OMG... what gifts is she blabbering about... she discovered her intuition and compassion through this mans infidelity maybe... but still being with him, after he was ok with consciously choosing to hurt her... just speaks very poorly of her sense of self worth.... people who love themselves don't put up with being disrespected this way...she should take these lessons of compassion, keep an open heart, trust her intuition and be strong enough to leave him and walk away... he's going to cheat on her again... very disappointed that such people are allowed to give ted talks
And three times in three years, no less. I would have been running for the hills long ago.
Man doesn't wife you and cheats on you 3 times in 3 years? Yeah, that's a recipe for a happy future.
Dee 369 as the cheater, he will do it again. There's something he's missing in himself. I know this because I have cheated. But I don't want to be known as a cheater anymore. But it's because I've done what she's talking about.trying to love myself instead of constantly trying to beat myself up. And fixing those things that I found that were broken inside
Heather Martinez Hi there, Heather. Good for you in not wanting to be a cheater anymore. That is a strong realization to have and I hope you feel empowered by it! My partner is wanting to be on the same path and we're both curious as to what resources you may have found that are helping you?
These same things have happened to me. Girl you are right but make sure you present this as the crux instead of the infidelity. We deserve better.
'Another woman entered our relationship'-why is it always the woman's fault? i bet each time he cheated he cheated with another woman. He chose to cheat. The women don't make him do it.
How come when there is cheating in a relationship it's always the man's fault? Even when the woman is the one cheating. "I was lonely! It's all his fault"
abark Nobody said that, they meant that it's always the cheater's fault. Stop making everything about gender.
Steve Klemetti Because if you are in a non open relationship with someone the whole point is that you only have interest in each other. If the other person trusts you to do that, an you have sleep with someone else you've betrayed their trust. Why get into an exclusive relationship if you can't stay faithful. I feel like I'm talking to a child.
Steve Klemetti be single or on the same page with your partner...simple...
Yes, she didn’t enter their relationship. She entered into a relationship with him based on whatever stories he’s told her. So this girl really can’t admit her bad choice in this man and that he is a liar !
I like that you kept the calm personality n nice way to explain things through the speech. I learned many things with this....its hard to be in your shoes, but harder to understand the other persons position when your suffering comes from their actions. Amazing lesson of humbleness n love!!
I disagree. If someone disrespect and betrays you, they don't deserve understanding they deserve consequences. It's important for both parties to move on, for the betrayed it is about dignity and self-worth and for the betrayer it is important for them to learn there will be consequences for their treachery. Some things in life are just raw and unpleasant, and it's better to accept them than to live a delusion in which we can add a positive spin to everything.
Yeah? What you said to the other woman? Listen to the words and leave him.
Wait a minute you are going through all of this for a boyfriend, not a husband? Not someone who you have children or a mortgage with? Hmmmmmm
SEMDEMNEM x omg exactly!!!!! She forgives him, but he won’t marry her?! Come on
His pattern of infidelity surfaced again and you are reaching out for help?! Reach for the front door and run!!!
Brilliant and a very powerful and empowered lady to share this experience and learning.
This was really great lessons learnt. So many of us are still so focused on the actions that we forget to ask ourselves what we learn coming out of challenging situations. Which is what allows us to improve our inner self. Great lessons in the form of gifts.