How Narcissist Man-child Self-supplies
2024 ж. 22 Мам.
60 223 Рет қаралды
Self-supply is critical in the regulation of the narcissistic personality, especially during the schizoid phases. These are some of the techniques the narcissist uses to self-supply:
Reframes reality
Inflated, counterfactual self-perception (good person victimized or paranoid ideation)
Reassigns weights to sources of supply with you as sole arbiter
Converts negative to positive supply (locus of grandiosity)
Future or past orientation (will be adulated in the future or would have been appreciated in the past)
Self-aggrandising referential ideation
Delusional revenge fantasies
Magical Thinking
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"The Malignant Narcissist doesnt desire to do good - they only desire to LOOK good." - M. Scott Peck
All of them
He's mid fifties, the only supply he has left are his elderly parents, they over indulged. He speaks like a child when with them. His wife ditched him and he tried to monkey branch my way, it took incredibly strong boundaries to get him to go away, the desperation made him like a bully toddler. The attempted love bombing was horrific, hints of not being interested didn't work and he just decided there was a full relationship. I had to get rude which didn't go down well. It was the most surreal horror story I found myself in.
So where you new supply after his divorce?
@@jennihj he tried to make me the new supply, I think purely because I live next door. The mistake I made was just being neighbourly which he took the wrong way. Nothing quite like having to tell someone that there is no "we". He had booked all sorts of outings and events without asking me 😳. He was angry when I wouldn't go along with this delusion and then demanded to know why I was "nice" to him... These people are not sane.
😊
It was just a game.
Sounds like you had the misfortune of my ex. This is exactly what he did to other women after we divorced. Sad excuse for a human being.
I have been Binge Listening to your videos and I have learned so much. You have a clear and unapologetic way of explaining the very thoughts feelings we have. Your contributions to this space are invaluable to say the least.
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I binge watch!!! Y’all I watch as much as I can and still make mistakes.
Thank you, this is what stalkers do as well. Stalkers know what they are doing is unwanted yet they reframe the reality of the situation to suit their fantasy.
Listening to the expert I can see why the narc rarely seeks help.
This guy goes so deep into it this is what I needed. I didn’t want to believe it
Your explanations in the last chapter (locus of grandiosity) of negative supply and the mechanics in the narcisistic mind were eye-opening. Now it became obvious to me why _no contact_ and _grey rock_ are actually stonger "weapons" than confrontation or exposing the narcisist. Great video 👌
Exactly. I confronted my narcissist ex, years after we divorced, and the resultant smear campaign from him has had me stuck in a dark mindset. Most days, due to the alienation this caused between my three sons and I, I feel a strong pull to just give up on life.
Thank you for all your knowledge and support Doctor. My son, at age 14 wrote a paper about his father entitled “The 50’ Toddler” - how did he know that his father was a malignant narcissist at that time? Unbelievable as it took me 40 years to get away from this sick, pathological monster. Still going through an extremely contentious divorce from this man baby.
Our children see them so clearly, we are trapped 😞
@@sophie4636 both my children, from very young ages (5 & 6) would ask and later beg me to get a divorce. I wish I saw earlier because it was a horrible existence for them. Thank you for your comment. I am not alone.
It is my daughter who teaches me about narcicism and it's patterns. I tend to forgive and forget, she says NO there's something behind such and such attitude. She's not easily fooled. I'm sad to put my kids through this. It feels like they have no father.
@@cnunex1766 our kids don’t have a father. Just an empty vessel of nothingness. I didn’t pick well and that’s on me. But what he did to his family is on him. No regrets just moving forward. Good luck ❤️
@@lynettefarley537this is very sad, unintentionally I think this fits my bill I only realised when it was too late, I’ve lost everything, I am also that empty vessel i so want to be a full person and feel love and connection, I’m not sure there’s any cure for this pain.
The BEST explanation I have ever heard!!! You have completed the hole picture for me. Thank you. I am now free to let my narcissist go completely.
@michelley606: Yeah and that cuts off his supply and that's what should be done 👍
@michelley606: Excellent! Love it!
Thank you so much I intend to get rid of these parasitic narcissistic psychopaths that have infested my mind.
I've said this. He's like a man child, whose family is determined to keep him 14 forever
I guess this kind of fits the description of myself, I find myself isolated and alone I would so like to change and open my heart the only difference is I don’t have much love for myself at all.
I married one of these people didn’t realise it till 2020 and now I seem to be a magnet to these sort of so called man - child’s!
This is great & timely information since I'm currently writing a book "Mastering Self-Supply for the Successful Narcissist" so that the stigma can be removed and people encouraged on using conscious narcissism toward living their best lives.
The levels of this dysfunction are many. Thanks for clearing this up.
I'm the offspring of two narcissists, one definite and the other almost certainly, and hearing this scares me because this video defines my coping mechanisms from childhood. I've worked very hard to discard them because I want to be nothing like the relatives that made my start in this world so disastrous.. but is there any real getting away? What's the boundary between someone who's been around narcissists too long and a bonafide narcissist? I like to think I've put it behind me as best I can.. and stay that way.
I was raised by a Narcissist mother who married my Asperger's father. It took me years as an adult to realise I don't have to react to other people in society the way I reacted to my mother. Instead of continually having a meltdown (which looked like a narc meltdown but was really a sort of collapse in despair) I realised I don't have to deal with anyone, I can just physically and mentally walk away. Much quieter than a meltdown and has much more impact. I always thought I was a Narcissist like my mother but it was just my emotions that were completely annihilated by her behaviour
Me too! I could honestly write your post word-for-word.
I felt this.
What an eye-opener.
This was a super timely teaching for me 😅🎉 Thank you, Professor Vaknin! can always count on your explanations
There are also narrcistic women-children too
EXCELLENT! And, right on time. THANKS SAM!!!
Thanks for a deeper look into our psyches 😁
Love your videos ❤
my favorite hairstyle as of yet
This is such an amazing explanation and makes so much sense
Dr. Vaknin, I loved this video and learned a lot about Narc’s self supply. Thank you 🙏🏻😘
I am a new viewer of your channel Sir..after watching your videos I realized that I should have found it before..Thank you
Brilliant👍👍
Man-child self-supplies ... your vids are so original and interesting. Luv you Sam Vaknin, though I'm missing Minnie.
The more I let go of the recycling of memories, the more worthless I feel. But in a way, it sort of feels like shedding the mask and the like, kind of “dope sick” phase of healing. It’s challenging to go from believing you can conquer the world, to being intimate and transparent with who you really are, and being okay with a simpler, more considerate existence.
I’m in Lagos, Nigeria.👍
God I feel so sorry for mine. I’m listening and knowing I can I’ll join him in his delusions ❤ I feel like I’m enabling him. He’s way down the rabbit hole at this point. 5 yrs ago being able to accept his anti social personality diagnosis, fast forward to me having lived with him for 5 yrs I know and he denies having npd. He may even be bipolar. Doesn’t matter, he enjoys himself this way. I just want him to get help. 17:55
as long as he enjoys how he is, and you are enabling, he will never feel that he is not functional, so will never seek to change. No matter how much we might want it for them, they have to want it for themselves.
Don’t put too much stock in what these people say. Their definitions have changed 5 times in the last 90 years. (DSM-5) They are never wrong, but also never seem to be right either. Kind sounds like a narc huh? Is psychology projecting??? Lmao A: Yes…
Based on what you are saying at 36: min mark , alot of Americans are narcissists based on their interest in politics and is often referred to as people watching 2 movies on one screen, or living in 2 bubbles , Democrats and Republicans ?
Speaking of self-aggrandising referential ideation, do you believe that narcissists also speak in code to their sources of supply? I’ve experienced this with two different individuals who I believed were “trying to say something without actually saying it.” It would take the form of cryptic posts, song lyrics, etc..like some kind of puzzle or riddle to solve, and it made me start to feel like I was really losing my marbles. …Or am I actually a self- aggrandising narcissist too and don’t realize it?! :) Btw, thank you for all of the knowledge you share and for making sense of the non-sensical. It’s gotten me through some really rough times.
This happened to me too! I’m not sure if he’s a narc.. I’m not completely sure. But he was very cryptic in his communication sometimes but very elaborate in his messages, it felt like solving a puzzle sometimes. A “read between the lines” type of communicator.
The one I was seeing, tested me in the beginning and I must have passed as he said “good, you can read between lines.” Why would this be important to them, please Prof. Vaknin?
@@AremAshabecause you can see their needs and wants without them having them to outspeak it directly
I've experienced this too. My discard text from the covert narc ex referred to a song called "uncorrected personality traits", which references Narcissism and the kind of parenting that makes someone "become psychotic and they won't make an ideal husband or wife". He also told me of his love for a song about a robot. I think that's how he viewed himself, he was also into science fiction.
@@JH-td4mn mine would send songs and he didn’t say it but he was sending a message or communicating with the songs! A lot of our relationship was online and if you went back and looked at the songs, the whole story of the relationship was there in song. Songs about wanting you in the beginning etc then at the end, songs about leaving or angry songs. He was also into science fiction and would say things like “I’m not a robot”. I’m not a machine.” Or, “Women are not machines with buttons to be pushed and turned” referring to foreplay. So odd.
I used to be paranoid,but what have you heard? Thanks Prof.
These are common human behavior patterns in modern people. It’s just that they are curbed by social conditioning.
Where is the proof? Any Case studies, pie charts, dissertations, interviews with patients or family?or a full list of narc symptoms and maybe a real life documentary on then tube! this is how the world views men!
Questioning if I'm a narc. I suspected some people in my life of being such but have been watching videos on narcissism and have looked more inwardly. Everything is about me me me and my feelings, my emotions. I feel like a child in the body of a man. Snap over little things, whine, complain, and project when i get sent over the edge. Then afterwards I'll come to my senses and realize a lot of the time I'm being inappropriate and childish/selfish. It's like that whiney inner child comes out under pressure. I don't want to be this way and don't know....why I'm this way
Take it easy on yourself. It’s truly wonderful that you acknowledge the inner ability to self reflect. That is the beginning of a painful and wonderful journey that will heal you. I was this a long time ago and didn’t know. One night, with a broken heart from a divorce, in tears, I looked up at moonlit night and cried out to God for help. I had exhausted every possible effort to reconcile my marriage. Thru the years I would stumble onto information that would touch my heart and coincidences I couldn’t explain. They would all lead me to that one word. The N-word. It was then I looked inside myself and sought and found by the grace of God a fabulous counselor to help me. When I did, I saw my decisions were the Ripe Fruit of my upbringing. You see, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. When I looked back at the tree I was mortified at what I saw. The Truth was so peaceful but very painful and would explain why I was what I was. That was 17 years ago. I reflect back on that night so long ago. Nothing miraculous happened. I went to bed in tears. But that night is when I began to look inside myself (self reflect). To save you from spinning in circles and wondering where to begin, I’d recommend 3 books. The first 2 were found when I wasn’t looking, the last one I disregarded bc I didn’t know what I didn’t know. ‘The Road Less Traveled’ by M.Scott Peck ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran The Bible (NIV version is a good start bc there are many) It is a book of stories and words, more importantly a Spiritual gateway., and that is where you are heading. It helped me understand myself and the world around me. “And you will know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free” Jn 8:32 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. “ Mt 7:7 You’ll make it. God Bless you !
Just keep seeking to evolve your own consciousness. Therapy. Books. Podcasts. Videos such as this one… Make your mental health & well being your highest priority. 🙏🏻 Thank goodness there is so much information available to people online through psychotherapists that wish to share & help people heal their issues.
I feel this way too. I started recognizing my triggers and I'm able to control them more so now. But I still go back and forth. Like am I the Narc? I do know that in order to survive we almost become the narcissist, narcissist. And I don't like that for myself.
Trust that you can humbly come up with a plan in any situation. Knowing that if your effort "fails", you can come up with a different way forward. If you ask for help, a little bit at a time, many people/professionals would love to see you succeed. Relaxing (meaning not investing in the mind's overreactions) allows people to feel safe connecting with you 🤗 Life is an awe-inspiring journey: we don't need to turn it into an ego story (since thoughts and words do not come close to fully representing it anyway).🌦️🌱
Two hallmarks of the narcissist. Number one: they do not self reflect. They have no need to since they are always right. They adjust their memory of reality to suit their fantasy. Number two: they are incapable of emotional empathy. That is the amazing ability of most humans to actually feel what others are feeling, to resonate with them. The narcissist can only, through observation and practice, employ cognitive empathy. To have learned the signs and adopt socially appropriate responses. You have certainly failed the first test (in a good way). You be the judge on the second point.
Is it a narcissists behavior to suspect everyone around him of narcissism except himself.
Yes. Projection (a defense mechanism).
I guess he was self supplying when I heard him talking to himself. I thought he was on the phone because he was speaking as if he was talking to someone. Very strange!
I had fun ideating a "revenge-themed theme park" hahahaha... good times.
Would you say that self discipline to change the lens of subjective perception from negative, paranoid and polarised to nuanced, stable and potentially positive, is.considered to be "magical thinking"?
If I deny myself self supply and keep telling myself over and over again that I am just like everybody else, and my actions have consequences, would I heal?
No. But it is a good start.
@@samvaknin Then how can you heal?
The title alone is hilarious! Get um Professor!!! Expose these imbeciles!!!!!
Holding narcissists accountable and enforcing boundaries with them and showing consistency with cause and effect, does this improve the outcome?
No.
Mr vaknin, how does a covert narcissist react to his depleting sources of self supply, for example if he develops body dysmorphic disorder , is there any relation between the two. Does it lead to suicidal thoughts???
Only if he is somatic.
Sorry, but what is a body dysmorphic disorder? Thanks in advance! If you can please share a link to a good online reading material about it, it is much appreciated! Lots'a love, cheers, & Mabuhay, from tropical Philippines!
What is the name of the video about defence mechanisms that you mention in the beginning?
Search the channel.
Scott Adams is someone I like, he does admit he is a narcissist but a grandiose one ie he says "he likes to do good things and get praised for it" in his own words. One of his beliefs is Simulation theory so in terms of "magical thinking" he does pose questions in the form of "did I cause that?" at the same time its like a frame in pops in and out of. His test of frame are, is it predictive , if not change the frame.
Scott Adams has a healthy, inflated ego which has served him well in multiple endeavors. On the other hand, a person who falls into the category of Cluster B Personality Disorders has no ego, lacks empathy and long term planning, does not see others as entities, etc. I appreciate much about Scott Adams, but his enormous ego often prevents him from doing basic research, as in this case. IMO he is quite emotionally mature, the very opposite of a NPD. His belief that he is controlling the simulation may just be his quirky defense mechanism for getting through times when he isn’t on top. He has admitted when he’s been wrong so holding himself accountable is another clue that he is not Cluster B, from a layperson’s POV.
@@flysstee I didnt know that about his mother, from listening to his shows he seemed to talk well of her that she raised him to think big, going to college for example. On his stoicism I remember one of his his reframes from Episode 791 excerpt (googled it) , it was about ego death, his story was to imagine having to deliver a potato , no stress , on the next trip its to deliver a priceless painting to a museum , now there would be anxiety, basically you should view yourself as less important, be the potato and understand that your view of reality is subjective.
@@flysstee thanks that was interesting.
It's amazing how well you communicate in English. You must have worked very hard to learn. When you say that self supply is necessary or the narcissist will perish, what does "perish" mean for the narcissist? Collapse? Wouldn:t that be a good thing? Possibly learning some small level of humility?
Search the channel for "collapse".
What does it look like when a narcissist self diagnosis?
Are you afraid you're a narcissist or are you hoping you are one because you conflate NPD with having power?
Ok so im a self supplying narcissist. How do i fix it?
@@flysstee Nice read... Well said! Thanks! 🙌
Can self-supply include getting a dog?
Yes.
Are self suppling narcissist more likely to develop schizophrenia? Paranoid delusions, auditory hallucinations of grandiose and shaming?
No.
Does this apply to women, as well?
Everything I say applies to both genders.
Can a narcissist ever get help or try to change?
Search the channel.
I'm getting that tou don't like narcissists very much.
Fayza
I confronted my narcissist ex, many years after I divorced him, and in private. I wished now that I would have done it in the presence of others, so they could have witnessed his adolescent behavior and responses. Twelve years of marriage, and three children later didn't prepare me for the childish outburst this inhumane being was capable of. My stoic demeanor really caught him by surprise, and left him incapable of even forming his words.
I've experienced about 3 or 4 times where what I said/asked left them (multiple people) with this wide eyed stare, startled look As if they suddenly ceased to be an English speaker. I asked one of them once "You want people to treat you with dignity and respect don't you?" "Well yeah" she said. "Then why do you not treat me with the same dignity and respect?" (I'd caught her lying about me - again. It was a fam member). Her response? That surprised stare.....and silence. They aren't operating with a full human mind. A mind that doesn't do emparhy or nuance, and are always pretending. They're like an android that mimics a human, but when you ask them something out of left field, from time to time, it's like a PC of which the operating system crashes and "freezes". You're not alone. Stick to your guns and remember. The NPD ALWAYS lies. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS😅 There's never a time that they arent - because theyre just pretending to be a human. Take care
@@shredhed572 Thank you. It hurts to know that so many of us have been the pawns of these creature's evil ways. I just can't imagine ever treating someone like they do us. So criminal.
@@shredhed572 My ex was incredulous that my grown adult sons showed him zero respect , they knew but it took me awhile to notice. They knew he deserved absolutely no respect for the pain he caused me. .......he wasn't worth it, just in case you pondered 😁
I guess the meme-like representation of the 'crazy person' thinking he's Napoleon is an example of a narcissist that lacks the ability to keep it hidden from the outside world.
Is this just not same as Dismissive Avoidant? With an immature mindset.
Lol me
I am a narcissist, how do I self supply😂
By actually watching the video. Though self-supply does require a minimum amount of intelligence.
@@black_sheep_nation😂 you’re pathetic
Who çare s lol GOD LOVES ME
when i was a kid i always self supplied my own shit, ass gas or grass or you waasnt running with me
are conspiracy theorists narcissists then? the odd time I have dumped on a "chem trail" tweet , I get replies which are certainly in the uncanny valley realm. I'd like to think they are "recreational views" but they seem serious for them
Yes! Conspiracy theorists want to feel like they have "insider knowledge," that they know "truths" you/the masses refuse to accept. And, because of this, they're "main characters" while everyone that's actually rational are "NPCs." I've never met a hardcore conspiracy theorist (one that thinks literally everything is a conspiracy) that didn't have very obvious narcissistic tendencies. Whether or not they're actually NPD, or another "cluster b personality disorder" with narcissistic tendencies, I'm not sure. But, they all scream: "narcissist!"
Children and female children? Is that like ladies and gentlemen but for children? haha
“in house” i love it!!! 😄🫶🏻 i always love your sense of humor on top of the lessons