What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Love | Mandy Len Catron | TEDxSFU
In this talk, Mandy Len Catron speaks about the reality of love. She describes her own story and explains a process most of us will experience at least once in our lives.
Originally from Appalachian, Virginia, Mandy Len Catron now lives in Vancouver, BC, where she teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her New York Times article, "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This," received more than eight million views and was syndicated all over the world. She's now working on a book about the dangers of love stories. For more information, visit The Love Story Project: www.thelovestoryproject.ca.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"That relationship was shorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful." Writing this down to remind myself.
"This version of love, as a collaborative piece of art, allows us to decide what it looks like": what a beautiful and useful insight.
I really liked the idea of stepping in love because of my personal experience. I didn't have a huge crush on my current partner when we started dating, but he was one of my best friends and I loved his company. Now, a year later, I'm so in love with him. I desire him in a way I never thought I would. It was all intentional, and now our relationship is better than I ever thought a romantical relaionship could be.
Nice💖
Loving is a great feeling to experience by each and every one of us but we should choose the right person to share our love with.
I really appreciated the idea to change the way we describe love. I think often people let good relationships pass by because of the ideas and metaphors people use to describe love. From now on I will try to describe love this way, especially to my children.
Hello there How're you doing ?
True love is always peaceful and comfortable, without any dramas. Tested))
Hello there How're you doing ?
Love is what it is... love. Our positive and negative emotions confuse the mind into thinking there's different love emotions. There's different types of love, i.e romantic, friendship etc.
Such a powerful and useful talk.. being hampered by the poor volume of the video.. /sad
That's the annoying thing about TEDTalks. Can't just do a playlist because the volume is all over the place on different videos.
You control the volume at your end. Stop being so lazy
At maximum volume the talk is barely audible for me in a quiet room. Standardization of recording equipment would do a lot for these talks.
@@SkywardShoe I find earbuds help
@@upgrade1583 , stop being sarcastically smart. KZhead has standards and technical recommendations for a reason. The same goes with video on demand. Audio levels SHOULD be set to a certain area of loudness. This video is disgracefully quiet and I can't understand why the channel editors don't check and adjust their material before publishing! It's not rocket science and there are very good automated ways of doing that. The makers of the videos are the ones that are lazy, not the user who criticizes an actual problem!
An amazing talk. This is the kind of thing about the TED series blows me away.
Love is often described as mental illness because the largely western version of it is mental illness. I say mental illness because as westerners we see things in material or physical ways but I would prefer to say that our mental illness is really a spiritual illness. The good news is that it is in our nature to love normally, be caring about others, it's not that hard, as long as we are not always obsessively trying to get stuff in our lives. We're all brothers and sisters in this world. Maybe a bit of travelling to poorer countries will make us realise this simple truth. I'm originally from London and have moved to Jordan. I'm used to strangers talking, smiling, saying hello here in Jordan. In London strangers dont even make eye contact. The point is that, what may seem like a huge thing to do (love people as brothers and sisters) may just require a tiny change in perspective.
Khalid Safir
The problem is that we look to be fulfilled in a relationship. BIG mistake. Being in a relationship is going to cost you something.
Falling in love is exactly that, falling, it’s involuntary
You don't have to look for love when it's where you're coming from.
May the nerd who subtitle this or increase the volume earn karma points
lol
3xs for me. I was lucky. There is nothing better in the whole world. It hurts for sure. But it was worth it. It's a great gift. Life is short. Love often.
"the art of loving" Erich Fromm
amazing Ted Talk, the use of language is so important to how we experience and perceive the world. 'I stepped into love' rather than I fall into it... a collaborative work of art... and I have the right to demand of love and my partner what I really want to create
We don't fall in love. I agree. I don't step into it either. I believe we grow in love our whole lives . Meeting someone I don't know that I feel attracted to ; the only stepping I've ever done is closing the distance between us , to find out who she is and tell who I am. How I feel and think of her evolves and grows . When I feel a mutual connection spiritually and experience a connection mentally and that emotionally I feel good about her as a person and especially a woman , and that the feelings are mutual and not wishful thinking ; in that moment of realizing we cannot waste another moment without expressing that love and desire for each other we rip each others clo...... ... Then when it's all been expressed ; we kiss passionately and wish each other a good night. Then I am so glad we waited until we got to know each other ; and never experience a better nights sleep. After such a meaningful experience I can no longer live without her. So , the only thing to do is call and see if she'll go out with me again. If she says 'YES" to a second date ; I show up with a U-Haul. The seeds of divorce have been planted. You're welcome
I like this! Thank you, Mandy!
Thank you so much. I feel your speech as it brings me to a relevant perspective
Such a beautiful talk!
Well, you know what they say they save the Best for Last. I Loved it so much!!! She was funny and very interesting and intelligent...
Hello there How're you doing ?
Amazing talk! Thank you :)
Nice talk! Brings a whole new perspective on love
beautiful, beautiful words!
Hello there How're you doing ?
Brilliant, thanks
Passion is everything.
I love this-
This is great advice and a way better perspective on how to view love
excellent,, thanks
She did a good job!
Hard to hear, but worth close attention to every word.
"I longed to have dramatic experiences" this explains so much with a lot of women. Seriously why the senseless drama and headaches. (Obviously not all). But good god...
Ooh no, give me peace, quiet and a lovely calm life! I don't think it's a gender thing, just some humans love drama, it's such a nightmare
She is literally speaking our inner voice which gets us into wrong things 😐
What we don't talk about love, how about What IF we don't talk about love. Love for me is not important. From my sight and experience, love brought the society I sought hatred and left us in want. What if we stop to think about what we love and start feel what our society need. Instead of love I believe in kindness and humanity. And then you talk about her that I've been thinking. Although I will admit wholeheartedly that, indeed I love her and why shouldn't I, I still reckon that love is not and will never be important. Because I have this feeling that she is what important to me, and without talking about love. P.S. By the way, I did no mean to criticise the speech that was put rather nicely. And I must add that Ms Len Catron really has her personality. Thanks.
Hard to hear this one :( Bummer
Headphones my friend
I think true love cannot have a "control" aspect to it. It must be and stay free and I'm not sure that is possible, it would be too risky.
Walking Wounded (c) Tracy Thorn
Is the title of this talk a reference to Raymond Carver's short story "what we talk about when we talk about love? "
Hello there How're you doing ?
....[the audio level on this video is about 25% of what it needs to be!].....
What you say about language, applies to more than just the subject of love. Since that's your field, do one on that, too.
If the sound is not audible then use 'subtitles' option.
Hi I could not hear it.
sound is bearily audible
Headphones dude
No offense but this is brilliant ~
How about this -Loving someone requires Trust, caring , respect , knowledge and affection. The first 4 are from Erich Fromm. The last is mine. If you can't check all of those off the list then your relationship is bogus.
To everyone complaining that they couldn't hear it.....try turning up the volume on your speakers......Good lord, are we THAT broken? Seriously, here's what you do; use one hand, grasp the "volume" knob on your speaker and turn it in whatever direction indicates UP. If you only have built in sound on your computer, go down to right hand bottom corner of your screen where the little sound icon is,and again, turn. it. up. If you have neither, or your system just sucks so bad that neither one works well enough for you, then use your headphones, ear buds, whatever you have. It was quiet when I first hit play, but low and behold, I turned the volume up on the video itself and if that hadn't been enough, I'd turn up the volume on my computer and TA DAAAA! I heard every word. If you are watching on a tablet or phone....the same rules apply. Your welcome, that was free advise. Also, I like listening to her stories, she is great :-)
Sara.... you nailed em' with that FREE advice. I can see the potential of a good writer and was wondering if you run some sort of blog?
At maximum volume on my device and still too low; headphone jack is busted (strewn throughout the comments are complaints about TED Talk videos' consistent sub-par volume levels, but you may not have noticed even). Your pontificating is boorish at best. Mandy's message lost on you. Hocus-pocus!
Jesus Christ. It's the content provider's responsibility to set their videos to KZhead's recommended loudness standards! >:-( Yeah "TA DAAAA!" when you start playing something else and your ear drums explode when something PROPERLY LOUD blasts through your f***ing headphones when you forget your volume to a unreasonably high setting. "are we THAT broken?"! Audio levels have standards for a reason and this VIDEO is the thing that's broken, not users who complain about unreasonably low audio levels!
i love how in french you " fall pregnant"
get some headphones n u good
VOLUMN is too low to clearly hear. Spoiled ability to hear this well enough to be useful
Headphones fam
another promising video, ruined due to low volume. People will click off because its just too difficult to hear.
Headphones my man
Subtitles, my man
barely hear anything
14.30 and I’m so bored Can’t hear anymore
Love does not exist, it's all chemistry.
Too quiet. Even with my mini auxiliary Bose speaker turned up full volume I'm having difficulty hearing this very soft spoken woman over the simple noises of cleaning my kitchen. Too frustrating/stressful, I cannot listen anymore. Too bad because I'm interested in what she has to say but don't want the strain of having stop and rewind every two minutes. Please speak up and/or get better recording equipment next time.
I have a cheapo chinese speakers with smol subwoofers and I can hear her fine on low volumes. Your speaker sucks balls man.
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This was actually a pretty poor talk. For someone who values the right language about things, she needs to learn the word Limerence, which is a perfect and scientifically researched description of the addictive, obsessive, overpowering, and involuntary early attraction that happens in most romantic relationships initially. Learn limerence, quit talking circles around it. Its real, its poorly understood in the general public, and it effectively explains the crazier aspects of early attraction we feel.