How to Talk to Someone With Dementia
Learn how to communicate with someone with cognitive loss, Alzheimer's, or dementia.
Presenter: Diana Waugh, BSN, RN, CDP
You may contact Diana at: dwaugh@accesstoledo.com
Nationally renowned memory care consultant Diana Waugh shares her personal experience and the mistakes she made as a caregiver for her mother. During this intimate conversation with caregivers who are struggling and need help in caring for their loved ones with dementia, Diana shares effective ways to avoid the "traps" caregivers often fall into when trying to communicate with their loved ones. She encourages caregivers to engage all the senses when talking with loved ones in order to have more effective conversations. Diana believes we must set aside expectations and learn how to interact with our loved ones based on how they are now, not how they used to be.
These recommendations as well as specific examples are also found in the second edition of her popular book, “I Was Thinking…Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones with Cognitive Loss.”
Visit mmlearn.org to see more videos and read our informative caregivers' blog.
To learn more about Diana or to purchase her workbook, please visit www.waughconsulting.info/
#Dementia #CognitiveLoss #ElderCare #DementiaCare #alzheimerscare #mmlearn #dementiacaregiver #seniorcare #eldercare
Im a nursing student from the 1990's. When I was learning we were taught to provide reality reorientation with each approach. In my first job as a RN after graduation I worked in a nursing home. I did what I was taught and provided reality reorientation until I realized how pointless it was. When an 80 y/o farmer is trying to get out of bed over the handrails at 2am because he has to get up to go milk the cows, there isnt any amount of reorientation that is going to help that. In fact, in many cases I pissed these people off because here is this 22 year old man in what they think is their bedroom telling them "No Sir you are in a nursing home and its 2am and you need to go back to sleep". I mean, who in the hell wants to be told they are in a nursing home? I finally learned to just go with it. Id act surprised and look at my watch and say, "Oh shit, we're gonna be late, we better get your clothes on". If I had to Id get him up and dressed then send them off down the hallway. After he walked down the hall few times I knew his short term memory had expired and I would approach him with a surprised face on and say, "Well arent you up late tonight, but you know its 2am, we should probably be getting to bed if we are going to milk those cows on time this morning", and back to bed he would go. I mean I dont if thats all ethical and what not, but its better than trying to have a fight with a man about something that ultimately doesnt matter and just do whats needed to respect him and his dignity, while also keeping him safe from injury.
Amazing how behind nursing education is regarding the value and utilization of the social aspects of people's lives, isn't it? I also learned reality orientation back in the 60's and the fact that you learned the same in the 90's makes me sad. We embrace changes in medical knowledge and only wish we would be as quick to embrace technique aimed at mental issues! Gotta keep trying to teach this! Thanks for sharing.
My mother in law would get up in the night and be looking for papers she needed to grade. It was very important. I would tell her that I would find them and have them ready in the morning. She would be satisfied and go back to bed. She was the sweetest person ever but she needed me to be her friend which I was. I never regret the three years she stayed with us until she passed and think about her almost daily.
We need more of you. Bless you.
@@ritabillings1507 Not sure the world could manage more than 1 of me! Seriously, thanks so much for your kind words!
You are so on target!! Glad you switched to going with their flow...it is the only good way - = it lets the person keep their dignity, their good mood, their confidence that they're okay.
I remember walking into a facility once to visit a friend. One of the patients walked up to a staff member and exclaimed “I’m here...I’m ready to start work!” The staff member didn’t miss a beat. She looked into the woman’s eyes, took her hand, and said “oh! I’m so glad you’re here!!” They smiled at each other for a moment and the patient walked away with a sense of purpose. Ready to start “work.” It was beautiful.
When my dad was first in assisted care & then memory care, he wander into the early morning kitchen/eating area and tell them he was ready for work. They always saved the napkins for him to fold & he was happy as could be.
Handled perfectly 😄
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Well handled
Beautiful 💞
One more comment on this topic: "Maya Angelou - 'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'"
What a great quote and so true. Couldn't agree more.
Thank you for this, I wrote it down.
Great to remember, so true and uplifting.
Omg that’s my model, and is so true. Many senior at work would ask for me by just hearing my voice.
@@joyasandiyt464 Thanks for sharing! Diana
The best advice I’ve heard, go with them into their world. If they think there is a bathroom where there’s not, say “oh that bathroom’s full. Let’s use this other one.”
I disagree... memory loss doesn’t mean one is suddenly stupid... just a bit confused....be honest and say ... not a bathroom...the bathroom is down the hall ...
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips H 😂
Do they remember their birthday ?
@@keepcreationprocess my grandma dose but it might depend on the person
@@idklol4925 How to live with dementia? Or with a person of dementia? Or to be family or to understand or to deal with...
My dad was a commercial airline pilot. He can't remember much anymore, but if you get him talking aircraft, glide path, airport approaches and all that stuff, he perks right up!
Yeah, my dad is the same. He’s writing a memoir about his days in Korea and remembers every detail.
If you want to preserve your brain functions then stop eating sugar and carbohydrates. Take coconut oil, MCT oil or C8 daily, and give it to your loved ones who suffer from dementia, it will improve their condition within half an hour.
My grandad was a naval pilot and an admiral, he doesn’t have dementia, he’s actually really smart still, but he was talking to me the other day about the approach in Hong Kong
Try playing his favorite music He will enjoy
If you haven’t already tried it, consider getting your dad on at least 2 ounces (1 oz. = 2 tbs.),a day of coconut oil. It worked an amazing miracle for a family member. At room temperature the coconut oil is usually a liquid. It must be unprocessed and “virgin”. I blend it with pudding or yogurt, which both need to be at room temperature. I absolutely cannot believe how the coconut oil has Improved the brain of my loved one.
Your discussion on the Bible was interesting. I taught Bible studies since I became a Christian in 1977 and still do even though I have had Dementia for I think 7-8 years. What amazed me is I can still teach it, remembering where the scriptures are, but can't remember any of the students' names. I put it down to when I studied the Bible all these years, I would pray the LORD would put it deep down in my spirit. Not in my brain, but in my Spirit and that is where the memories come from.
I knew my mom didn't know who I was...she looked at me as if she was trying to remember, and I didn't want to put her on the spot. Also, I didn't want to know that she didn't. I could tell she knew I was important to her, and felt comfortable with me, and I made that enough. I also didn't tell her she was in hospice. I told her she was in a part of the hospital where they did physical therapy and recovery. I didn't want to scare her. She passed after I told her she could go, and that I was sorry for anytime I hurt her or disappointed her, and that when my time came, I wanted HER to come to take me, because I loved her so much.
You were a blessing to your mom! I had somewhat similar experience with my mom's dementia. People would ask me all the time ... Isn't it hard to go there all the time when she doesn't know who you are? My answer was ... Doesn't matter; I know who she is.
Good memories last. Thanks for sharing.
If long term memories are solid..why do people forget the person they have given birth to?
@@ksmith2852 Don't know for certain, but we change as we age and no longer look like the baby or the little child we once were. Wondering if they are seeing you as the younger person so you don't look like what they remember? Pictures of you from your younger days might just trigger their good memories of you. Bottom line is we can still recognize them even as they age and have the ability to help with good memories from when you were that young person. Diana
I'm sorry for your loss. You have me over here tearing up.
In my 21 yrs of working with dementia I found that kindness, patience, and compassion is the major key factors, without any of these 3 components you will be unable to deal with anyone with this disease. Oh and lots of praying.🙏🏽 S/O to all caregivers out there! May GOD bless and strengthen you.
I have been in the hospital setting for over 20 years, I thought nurses, techs, dr , etc we’re special people but they have nothing on at home caregivers. That’s a job done solely because of love. You never really clock out even when you take a break. Praying God continues to give them strength.
Bernice Garvin you are an Angel on Earth! May all the love you're giving out come back to you magnified.💞
Without kindness, patience and compassion interacting with most people can be less than productive. Regardless of age.
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@@maxollie417 hi
When I was about 19 I had a client that had memory loss. I washed and rolled her hair as she entertained me with stories from when she was in her 20s. I knew naturally just to listen to her and join her world. I enjoyed listening to her. After I was finished her daughter told me everything she was telling me was true but it was 50 years ago. Honestly she had great stories of her interesting life. She was back there in time 100%. Lovely lady.💜💜🌸🌸💐
Thanks for sharing this, Joyce!
My grandfather too.
I lost all voluntary movement, talking, walking and just being able to use a call button, I couldn't use. I was that was completely four days, around a week, I could nod and shake my head. It was huge. It took 2 weeks to learn to walk, talk, feed myself, and even to shower myself again. I wasn't doing well but at least I was doing better. Hated the new age frou frou music, I am a more of a rock n roll mom , but I was grateful to get better. It was almost a year before I could read a novel. My favorite past time. But I am now a home health care provider
You're a lovely lady for treating her with care and respect. Best to you.
Long term is committed to memory in a much more Finite way .. its all sad tho .. we are such carbon-based, chemical beings ..
I remember my grandma when she had dementia she would come round our place and help set the table but everything was in the wrong place and we didn't tell her it wasn't correct we just put things in the right order after she was done and never corrected her because I think she had a hard time accepting her dementia in the moments she realised her condition. She was the kindest person on the planet and she's long left her body, but I felt her presence at the funeral and haven't stopped talking with her since. Just because we can't see her with our physical eyes anymore, doesn't mean she's gone to me. Her spirit is always smiling now.
Thank you
Barb, I don’t know you, but after reading your comment, I know I love you!
Thank you, loved reading this
Barb, I think your grandma and my grandma are soul sisters -- Reading your remarks, I could swear it was me writing about my dearly departed grandma. I love for your appreciating the beautiful person your grandma was.
i totally get your understanding of your nan - my mum was treated dreadfully by my two sisters and others in the family consciousness is a wonderful thing
They taught us this when I worked on the memory care units at work. We often would have a guy who would tell us that he had to go find his car, so we'd take him for a walk to find his car. The hardest part is family who keeps trying to correct the person, confusing and angering them. You just have to let them live in their world.
The family is often in denial. They still have expectations and don’t understand how their loved one they have known for their lifetime is not able to remember or function as they once did. It’s one of the most heart wrenching parts of the job.
You were very fortunate to work at a facility that utilized this concept. You know the value of this approach and what a difference it can make for everyone involved. Thanks for sharing.
Very wise outlook on this.
Thanks I found this so helpful as a carer ❤
This lady is extremely emotionally intelligent the way she's able to speak and relate to so many different people is such an underated skill not many of us have that or can learn it easy. She's exactly the type of person you would want caring for your loved ones
I so agree... 😀❤
Having gone through this with my dad who passed at 94 she is exactly emotionally gifted through relating she's relatable and she's got a lot of answers and at my stage of life I'm starting to become my mom and then I see my dad in me also so she is a good person to listen to and pay attention to what's going on in your own heart and mind as you develop and get older thank you
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I agree, it's why I listen to the words Diane speaks, and those of the others with her, meanwhile observing the manner of communication and engagement, the quick anticipation and mindful agility in Diane. Partly, it comes from being with people, but I feel that the crown fit for her head, so to speak, is the dedication in her big heart open to others
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My best friend got dementia at 55. Having now watched this video, I now realise I did all these things instinctively and protected her from others who just blurted out very unhelpful questions. And then got upset or confused by her response. When this happened I would just drive the conversation away from the awkward and uncomfortable by butting in with a less confronting non-sequitur. Sometimes I had to be very forceful. I moved to another part of the country so last year got to see her again after 4 years. She had been institutionalised by then and I realised she had lost so much. I had no expectations. I brought a bunch of spring flowers and just chatted quietly about them while looking kindly at her and trying to find a connection. We spent quiet time as well as my chatting away quietly. I added a little touching ensuring it wasn't uncomfortable for her or was unwanted. After 2 hours there was a glimmer and then a sparkle of flickering recognition while I was chatting about our two sons being friends when they were boys. I know she connected at that moment and that was special. Toward the end we both gained a lot from a few deep hugs. So for her it was mostly two hours with an undemanding stranger who kept her company. But then we also had that one very special moment between us. I have been looking forward to being able to visit again. Hopefully later this year. Again, I will have no expectations but will just be grateful that I can have that time with her. Another thing, feeling sorry for my friend does neither her or me any good so I do my best not to let those feelings linger.
You couldn't be more correct if you tried! Thanks for sharing. What a wonderful example of going into her reality with the good feelings that occurred for BOTH of you. It can be a win-win. I appreciate you! Diana
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@@carolalbright1655 w
One thing that I did to remove that hateful comments... I picked up a card from the Alzheimer's association that said something like this. " This person is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease, please be patient with them." I would hand it quietly to the waiter when he arrived and they were always real good with my Mom then. People do understand when you tell them.
You are very special ❤️
Music!! Music brings back memories so beautifully. My mother was suffering from dementia and I when I sat with her near the end we sang hymns and her favorite song over and over... and she knew me when I sang, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” She would smile and sing along with me. I will never forget that.🥰💕
You are right music speaks to folks. We need to utilize the other senses that are just as vital as hearing. We don't want to forget smell, touch, sight and taste...all of which relates to good memories.
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips ❤️🙏✨yes!
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips Do you recommend that someone who is feeling like they are losing their memory, should they just write down their favorite things now to give their grown children to have for later on when they are in a home?
True music is really one thing they always remember, they even remember the words ! When I was a charge LPN on a dementia unit before I retired in 08 , they loved The Bee Gees , Elvis , George Strait and All Green I would burn the CD’s at home and brought them in to play for them and Christian music too !!
Awesome
As a 94 year young kid, I am amazed how you are reading my my mind and my actions. Your advice is prophetic. I "fake it" to it makes it work. Physical and mental exercise plus a nap during the day makes all the effort worthwhile. Having a wonderful, helpful and caring Sally has kept me going. I'm sending this video to my family and dear friends.
Thanks so much for your kind words and your support! Thanks also for sharing.
God bless you dear, I like to see my elders here on the net
It’s good that you know how to take care of yourself. Please continue to think of yourself as a human being, and smarter than A lot of younger people I’m sure. I dislike the Way in which many people will “talk down” to older people…I didn’t like it when I was a child either, but and it’s even more annoying now that I have had the whole experience of being an adult. I am not quite your age yet, but I do have a seriously arthritic back And I’m hunched over, something I never expected for some reason. I once was stopped on the street by a lady who insisted on buttoning up my coat and talking at a scarf around me even though my car was only a few pieces away. It was very kind of her but it really was quite a shock to be treated that way. You deserve to be dignified and be treated with dignity although it certainly isn’t bad to have a laugh at yourself now and then. Take it easy.
Forgive the typos. I was dictating.
You're amazing Mr. Kutner! If my Dad were still alive, he would feel just as you do. Thank you for helping all of us!
Thank you for covering the "Do you remember...?" question [24:00]. As a palliative caregiver for ten years to many comfort care residents who were *also* experiencing dementia, I often found that the visiting families would start conversations this way. In their case, they knew their loved one was actively dying, and they wanted desperately to connect over shared memories as a way of saying goodbye. We would do our best to guide them in rephrasing the memories, i.e. "I remember that time you..." rather than..."Do you remember the time you..." Very glad you included this!
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You are totally correct. I have found the phrase "I was thinking about......" works well. As you bring up the long term memory it provides the person with the opportunity to get into the conversation successfully. Thanks for sharing.
Hello Susan.... 💝👋👋👋
Yes I think this will help me alot!! This and also not asking short term questions. I may have to listen to this 100 more times to get all the information
Yes I needed to hear this too and to stop saying this to my dad, I can now imagine him hoping he doesn't fail my question, I won't ever say that again. Thank you
Mom used to say “good-bye for now”. Until our last phone call when she was dying... then she said just “good-bye”. At her memorial service I ended my tribute by looking upward and telling mom “good-bye for now”. My daughters tribute ended with her reminding the family to be kind. My daughter died one month later. We had four family deaths in a 12 month period. Thank you for posting this video. I plant to write down my smells, songs, stories, etc for the future so that my caregivers have the cues that will work for me. Much love. 💕🐝 #Bee Kind.
I hope you are well, Cathi, as losing 4 family members in a 12 month period is difficult.I am a carer for me brother-in-law who has early-onset-dementia and other people would ask me if I am ok as well and they would tell me to make sure that I look after myself too. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry 😢what happened to ur daughter
O dear Cathi, how hard that must have been. It must take a long time to process, so to speak, losing your mother and then your daughter. Sending prayers your way that you are well and healing from these traumas. May God bless and keep you and your family. Much love.
I am sorry to hear that must have been very difficult take care of yourself
Parwin Ali she got pneumonia from Influenza A, was put on a ventilator in the ICU. We never got to speak to her again. After 2 weeks, she was unable to recover and we stopped her ventilator. She donated her organs and then we sent her body to a research lab to study. This was her fervent wish. She had many medical problems all her life, starting with rheumatoid arthritis at age 4, and she felt she could bear it all if someone could learn from her body when she was gone. Her life lasted 32 years, but she truly lived, uplifted, inspired, left everyone a little bit better. The world lost a beautiful soul that day and I lost my best friend. I’ve cried every day for 15 months. 💕🐝
It's so heartbreaking to witness someone's memories slowly start to fall apart
Thank you, Diane! I just visited my 93 year old mom in her memory care facility for the first time since watching your video. Following your suggestions made our visit one of the best we’ve had for awhile. Again, many thanks❣️
Wonderful!
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What an empathetic, gifted, intuitive educator. I'm not sure why KZhead recommended this but I'm very glad I watched it. Definitely worth re-watching so as to master the way to successfully and compassionately communicate with persons suffering from memory loss.
Thanks and I think I'll put you on my marketing team!! Just in case you might be interested in more tools.... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
My thoughts exactly. I wasn’t searching for this, glad I ran across it. Watched my father decline from early onset Alzheimer’s when I was in high school. He finally passed when I was 23 and he was 53. When mom was 74, I brought her home to care for her. She had a nightmare experience in the hospital, leaving her with a stroke and medication-induced dementia. I got her off all drugs except one and her conversational ability returned. I am going to be sitting with an elderly gentleman with Alzheimers so his wife can take much-needed breaks. This is the perfect refresher, although his wife said he’s not really conversational. I think I will just sing to him. I guess I will have a captive audience. If he finds the words to say “stop singing!”, I will take that as a kind of success lol.
This lady is absolutely right mate God bless her and I hope that she goes in to the poor places where people who take care of dementia now cyber people learn this because they don’t care and sorry if I offend anybody because you guys know me
@@ceciliasciglimpaglia4850 Thanks for your kind words. I've been trying for 20+ years to get those folks to listen and learn more successful ways to communicate with those with short-term memory loss. I'm afraid my approach is too simple, doesn't include hi-tech or medications. Unfortunately we keep seeking for the magic answer when as you can see we hold that in our hands and approaches. To the future. Diana
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I screwed everything up so I wrote a book. Made me laugh. My husband has dementia and it’s a minute by minute challenge.
My Rheumatologist recommended the book, The 36 Hour Day to me when we were dealing with my father in law's dementia. It was very insightful & helpful. Your words are so correct too. One night my husband & I were at my inlaw's home because my brother in law(husband's twin) had passed away. I was working on all the details of his death & planning the service. He lived with my in laws because they were slowing down and the rest of us were married with kids. It just killed me to watch my family tip toe around my FIL because they didn't know how to talk with him. I remembered that I had made 3 large Memory Boards 3 years prior for my MIL'S funeral. They were displayed out in the Game Room. I went out there and got them. I brought them inside and placed one infront of him. His eyes lit up instantly with recognition. I prompted him to tell me about each picture. It was so wonderful. He looked so happy for that 30 minutes we sat with him. I made sure to leave them out and gave the caretaker instructions to let him look at them daily and engage him.
This lady Diane Waugh, what a brilliant communicator , she gives examples in real life of how to talk with someone with memory loss, very glad this video was in my recommended. Thank you
Couldn't agree more! Thank you for watching!
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips , Thank you Diana, I will do that !
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Thank you! My husband had a mental breakdown and I was told he needs testing for possible dementia! But during these times of lockdown from COVID-19 has not been able to get in for that for any outpatient therapy/treatment in 2 months after 24 days in patient from being catatonic! Our family is having a hard time with how to talk to him!!
I am caregiving for my 82 year old mom. I am sad because I have been doing things wrong. I am going to take the lessons I have learned with this video and make my mom's life better. Thank you ❤️
You got this, Franki! We also have a free guide for family caregivers that you can download: training.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home
I don’t know why this popped up on my feed, but Dear Lord is it exactly how I handled my mom and her Korsakoff Syndrome Dementia from the age of 10 until her death. It took years and my own growing maturity to finally understand and help her. I continue to share my experiences with others dealing with this heartbreak and frustrating confusion, even today...
Hi, you said your mom had Korsakoff from 10 yrs old my understanding of this is through alcohol.???
Google's probably been spying on you.
Hellow Marsha. How are you feeling today I hope your day is as bright as your pretty smile today.
Love the fog analogy. Because of that fog they are unable to make any decision, which creates more fog. And it becomes exponential. The more they get frustrated, the more calm we have to become. I have found just providing that guiding voice/light helps a lot. I remember hearing a nurse who said she would start singing. I have tried that, and surprisingly it works. If you can get them out of the pattern (the fog) by doing something unexpected (especially fun) they break free for enough time to get over it. Laughter helps. Anything that takes them off that decision making loop
Thanks for sharing your addition to my analogy. You are so right.
Thank you for your post. I've been hearing about the"singing " as a distraction and couldn't quite bring myself to do that. But I tried it last night, and for some reason, it really does work.
@@lauriesolis1026 I think its just another access pathway that shuts down the other pathways. And it triggers happiness...people sing when they are happy
Thank You. I took care of my Mother in law for thirteen years. I never tried to correct Her memories, and I discovered some amazing things about Her. Her long term memory was spent primarily in the 1940s. Her husband was off to war, she was a single mother and working as a secretary for Philips Oil in Bartelsville Ok. She loved her independence . She was a singer,and sang back up ,on a few, Patti Page songs. Clara had a beautiful voice. She would start singing songs in the waiting room,at her doctor's appointments. I would watch the other patients that were her age. They would become 20 , 18, ....... It was a beautiful thing to watch. I would tell my Husband and his siblings to enjoy their Mother and let her tell her stories without correcting Her. They would stare at me as if I was clueless. I miss my days with my Mother in law. Yes , there were days I would wish She was still cognitive and wouldn't ask Me the same question every 30 seconds. But then I would remember She wished She could remember the everyday things.
Thank you for sharing, Toni! 🧡
Toni, you are so sweet and loving. I lost my wonderful mother in law to dementia/Alzheimer’s. As a nurse, I hated the disease, as a relative, the despair I saw in family members became very real.
Toni, God bless you! I also took care of my mother-in-law and was blessed to have done so. She was an beautiful, caring, and my go-to-person for anything. I along with our family members took care of her during her last 5 years on Hospice in our home. I would not trade that part of my life for anything because she also told me about her youth, learning how to cook and become a part of a larger family. More important she always took the time to listen and give good advice. Now that I am a mother-in-law also, I value her advice to me and hope to be a better person. I never corrected her and that allowed us to have some funny conversations. I do miss her a lot as she was the glue to keeping our family together. Now I am entrusted with keeping our memories and family together. Both my children have fond memories of their Dadi [grandmother in URDU] and the times they watched sports together. Having a cookie with tea with her some afternoons after school and making sure Dadi was always included in our family life. She didn't speak a word of English, but would always greet her care takers with "How are you?" and "Thank You." Take care and know you were lucky to have some good memories of your mother-in-law.
Aamina Mian Thank You for sharing your story with. Me. God be with You also. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know I am not alone. My Mother in law was a dear friend and if truth be told. She did not approve of Me when her son and I started dating. Clara and I bonded when I offered to take her to her Doctors appointments. Mind Yoy, this is 20 years into our marriage. She would always tells me, I couldn't be kinder to Her if I was her own Daughter. I miss Clara. She was smart, well spoken and spunky. For 13 years She grew to depend on Me and never wanted her own children to take her to any of her appointments. She would tell them, "You make Me nervous. Toni and I have a routine and she knows when to back off and allow me to talk to my doctors with out correcting everything I say and we always have pancakes after my appointments."😊 God works in mysterious ways.
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One suggestion I've used as a pastor visiting my "shut-in" nursing home members: Look at the pictures that are hung on their walls at home. Take two or three of them and put them on the walls of their rooms. (Usually a nursing home will allow that.) Then when you are visiting and doing routine things such as bathing or dressing, talk about the picture--what's special about it, what the subject is can give lots of conversation material. Long-term memory will recall where it was (or where the person thought it was), what was special about that place, what season it was, why was it such a nice place. When my mother couldn't speak a sentence anymore, and didn't understand what was going on around her, she could still play her piano hymns and recite the Lord's Prayer word-perfect. We rolled her to a piano and her muscle-memory kicked in. And we made sure we prayed often and slowly, so that she could participate. I've also found that objects from home help a person feel more "at home" in the nursing home: a bedstand lamp, a doily on a table, a sun-catcher in a window. As Ms. Waugh said, use all five senses. These folks still do.
Those wonderful ideas! Also, sometimes a picture of what they looked like when they were younger! People to do a little oohhing and ahhing, can bring smile to face!...men and women. Don't forget to tell them how lovely they look today, also! :)
These are perfect suggestions. Seems so simple to help them use their long-term memory strength. Thanks for sharing! Diana
@@ACatherineHanni Thanks for your clarification about the use of pictures. They are never to be used as a "test" but rather as you have stated. Diana
It's usually hardest for the partner or family member who ends up being a caregiver because even if your rational mind knows they aren't responsible for their lack of awareness, you are still stuck in the mode of seeing them how they were--as the person you knew a particular way. You're still in the position of getting your brain wrapped around all the changes...and then there are different ways the dementia takes form every single day.
The good news is there is an increased interest in learning more about working with a loved one with memory loss now than ever before. It certainly requires the caregiver to look at the situation from a different angle...which is tough but so beneficial when it occurs. Thanks for your supportive comments. Diana
Wow, I like that. “Don’t drag them into your reality”. Types of memory: 1. Functional Memory (comprehension) 2. Procedural Memory (things you learn) 3. Emotional Memory (unconscious)
Thanks so much for listening so carefully! My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific to the person. If ou haven't had a chance take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/
A relative has dementia. He asks a question. We answer it. He asks again. We answer it the same way as if he never asked it before. I took notes while watching this. A lot of the things mentioned we already do. But I'll add to my list to keep my relative's thought processes moving! One great thing is he has NEVER lost his sense of humour.
Hi Andrea, we have a free guide full of easy, purposeful activities for people with dementia: training.mmlearn.org/activities-for-dementia-patients Hope this is useful!
Even though I’ve been a hospice & palliative RN for 20 years, I still learned many concrete, practical, & compassionatetips on how to work with my patients & their families. This was very easy to listen to, a lay-person friendly discussion; such a good speaker with great visual aids. Could have listened for a few more hours :-). Thank you so much for sharing your gifts!
Now stop making my head swell! Seriously, I totally understand, as a fellow RN, the wide variety of skills we can employ. Just in case your interested.... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
This video is saving my mom and my family. She's got dementia and I have done everything I thought was right to help and correct her without any good result. I felt so frustrated facing her everyday. Now I know how ignorant I have been. Thank you! It's also so nice to read the comments. God bless you all.
So glad it's helped! We also have a free guide for family caregivers that you can download: training.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home
This is beautiful. Made me cry. I’m having a very hard time with my 80 year old dad. Very heartbreaking yet frustrating all in one.
Sorry to hear that, Fernanda. We have a free guide for family caregivers that is available online: www.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home Hope you find this helpful!
Made me cry too! I’m 61 year young Man, from England🇬🇧 My dad passed a few years ago with the entire family around his deathbed, my brother,sister and I were stroking his head holding his hand, his breathing became faint, and we started to tell him it’s ok Dad, go find mum😔 he passed soon after. One thing I will take to the grave with me is, my mum was in a nursing home trying to recoup. She said to me please take me home😟 what could I say? Mum I can’t take you home with me, you are better being looked after here with qualified nurses, with that she went limp and gasped. I personally felt I had let her down at that moment, had I known I would have carried that little lady in my arms out of that place! The dementia was unfair with her, it drifted in and out. But it affected my entire family..
I got a nudge for years to give my loved one coconut oil, the Alzheimer’s is advanced, about eight years into it, and I just got her on coconut oil, and the improvement was absolutely unbelievable, and it happened within 24 hours that the brain improved dramatically. Too bad my family didn’t get her on the coconut oil years ago. It may have prevented the Alzheimer’s from getting worse.
@@lauriewright388 You know Laurie, that is the bad thing about dementia. It not only affects the person who has it, but it affects the caregiver and friends and family. Everyone who is near to them feel it and suffer it too.
@@hots7134 Live with the guilt everyday, wishing I could've done more for my mum & ultimately my Dad😔 I think my sister's guilt is even more so, she would shop for my dad once a week, which was never enough at least I would visit with my family or on my way home, always took him warm meals when we could my wife ended up doing more for him than her! I hope you feel you helped your loved one as best you could.
What a profound relief to hear someone else say “I messed up everything with my mom.” I did too. I’ll carry the weight of that guilt & regret & pain to my grave. All I can do is try to help others-but without coming across as condescending or like I think it’s so easy, which is much of what I heard when I was going through it. Everyone seemed to know what to do and how to handle it emotionally-except me.
❤️❤️❤️🙏
I'm willing to bet you did what you thought was right at the time. Hug to you.
Don't be hard on yourself, we live and learn, your mum would forgive you from the space she now occupies. Easy to say. Say a prayer and ask for forgiveness if you need to so you can move on without guilt.
Your mother would never want you to feel guilt or regret I am sure. We don't get a manual to tell us how to get through this, you gave your love to your mother and nothing is more important than that. Focus on the good things you shared in your relationship, I am sure there were many. Be kind to yourself, your mother would want you to do that. Sending a virtual hug.
It is not easy. I didn't do everything right either. I did the best I could with what I had to work with. Getting my mother to take a bath was my biggest fight. She always went to have her hair done every week. Probably the last year of her life she started refusing to go. This lead to dirty, smelly hair because she refused to bathe. When I would finally get her into the shower, she refused the bathtub, she would scream and yell the entire time. I think that was the worst part of it. What I really needed was to hire a nurse to come in and deal with her because she wasn't going to do it for me. I know I did the best I could. Had I known then some of these things I could have done better.
I am a Speech Pathologist for 30 years (and have extensive experience treating patients with dementia and educating/guiding families and staff/caregivers) who has had a grandfather and father who had Alzheimer's disease/dementia... listen to this wonderful, knowledgeable and generous woman. Do what she says and share this information with everyone you know. Suffering from (of inside of) dementia is like living in a world of confusion and anxiety, when you are not happy or content. Imagine being placed in a country where you don't know the language and only have some familiarity with the customs... advancing in later stages of dementia seems to be similar to that. A kind gesture, a caring person guiding you, a reassuring voice, feeling safe, and being included/valued/entertained/loved becomes a lifeline and the point of interacting. Please remember Diane's main points: don't ask short term questions and leave your loved one feeling useful and successful.
It explains why when I would talk to my Nana about when grandpa gardened she would tear up. That was his passion. She couldn't remember me but she remembered grandpa and his roses. So I just focused talking about Grandpa and the things he loved to do. She missed him so much she wore his watch to keep him close. I would always tell her that I saw she was wearing grandpa's(Paul's) watch. Then she trusted me the rest of the visit.
What’s the title of her book?
@@susanaquintana1525 I see you asked about my book. Here you go: My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
You were right on the money. Thanks for sharing.
Hello Annie.... 💝👋👋👋
Hellow Annie Marie. How are you feeling today I hope your day is as bright as your pretty smile today.
Just ordered your book. Oh my, I have done everything wrong with my loved one..... no wonder he thinks that I am so confrontational. I needed this! Thank you so much.
Glad this was helpful, Penny! We have a free guide for family caregivers that you can download: training.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home
I am having trouble with my 88 yr old mom 2..i dont know what to say to her..
@@MmlearnOrg7 OMG, I thought I was doing pretty good but everything she said not to do, I do... suggestions for someone who has speech difficulty? Stutters, stammers, mumbles, wrong words etc
I've done a few things wrong myself. I've got to learn to converse in a different way.
I'm feeling the same way I just had a blow up with my mother over medication because I feel like she needs my help but doesn't want to need it. I give suggestions and she shoots them down without even considering them. Yet... she can't do it her way or she'll be taking them wrong. It's so difficult to know how to handle her. She's very independent and also can be a pistol. I've also noticed she is so negative about everything ans everyone. It makes it almost unbearable to be around her. Im Going crazy!!!
As a genealogist, people with dementia are wonderful people to ask questions to. They may get muddled in their story but often they repeat stuff over and over and so far, they are always accurate. :-)
I worked with clients with dementia. I loved driving them around and they told me what the area used to look like. That was fasinating.
not my grandma. She exaggerates things she never used to, tells tales about things that never happened, bad mouths people
Advanced Bionutritionals Memory Formula - 60 Tablets Has helped me immensely. I implor anyone no matter what stage you're at TAKE THESE YOU WIIL SEE A DIFFERENCE
SOMEHAVE DELUSIONS
You are wrong. They only sound accurate. Much of what talk about is nonsense, in fact. You cannot believe anything a person with dementia says.
I was my Gma's caregiver from 99-103. I couldn't even bear to tell her good-night so in a sing-song voice I would always say "see you in the morning!" and she would repeat it back to me. Miss you Gma.
Good memories were made with such a simple change in a phrase! Thanks for sharing. Diana
As a caregiver for my husband who has Alzheimer, this is a very informative video. It was good to know that just a little re-phrasing of a sentence makes the difference between good communication with your loved one versus abruptly ending it.
I have worked on a dementia ward for 10 years. This lady said it perfectly. Thankyou.
Mò 8
She’s amazing.
God bless you
who?
@@magdalenalombard3256 o
What a beautiful lady!! I love her.... She cares and I'm sure enriches so many lives. I wish I knew her. 💗💗💗
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips ha ha ha. I wish Diana! I live in the UK and am in my 50's but I am thinking of looking into what I could do to get involved with supporting and helping people suffering with memory loss. A close friend of mine went through it with her father a few years ago, and I became interested in how families cope..what support was available to them etc. As a result, I watched some documentaries and videos on KZhead...some of them were informative and positive, but some made me cry because I didn't like how some of these people were treated. One gentleman posted daily videos of his father's struggles with alzheimers....he asked his father, rather a lot, "Why are you doing this?" " You don't need to do that... You've done that several times today." I understand he wasn't trying to ridicule him and he wanted to show a "realistic" picture of the disease, and maybe off camera he was completely different, but I felt that it wasn't helping the situation. I work in an art supplies shop and had a wonderful conversation with a lovely gentleman one day... He told me he sings in a choir, but he couldn't remember where they meet up....so we talked about voices and music. His wife was looking around the shop, so he kept me company.... When she came back, the first thing she said to me was "He's got Alzheimers you know." Gosh that made me mad ( I didn't let it show off course) so I replied "Well, your husband and I just had the most wonderful conversation. He certainly knows his music." I truly love your whole attitude to these wonderful people.
Her saying she should've went into her mom's reality is 100 percent correct. If you can't/won't do that, you will cause the patient to be stressed out, anxious, or more confused.
Yep, it is truly the key to successful interactions.
You are so spot on! After 40 yrs in ICU & confused patients, at all different levels, causes... biggest thing is... don’t DONT try to “reorient” ( hate that word) ... Don’t try & bring them to where we are... go where THEY ARE!! I have found so many times they tend to go to happy times in their past/memory... and laugh, with them not at them! Don’t argue, they will shut down... gently lead them where they need to be. It’s about trust! And when they get frustrated... they will bluff, block, get angry. There is no point! LISTEN to them! You learn a lot!
I couldn't support you more! I really like the use of the word "Trust". That is really the key for them to feel respected and supported. Thanks so much for sharing and keep on sharing your ideas!
A powerful message that makes sense. I tried drawing on a card because my friend was a writer and illustrated. Depression can be similar but things can return to a more normal / world but the madness is there.
I came upon your video by accident. I am only care give to my sister who has been in a home for almost 2 years. You suggestions of how not to speak to a person with dementia is so very helpful to me. Thank You.......
You are most welcome, Ginger! 🧡 Please feel free to subscribe to our enewsletter. It goes out monthly with useful information to help you in your role as a caregiver: training.mmlearn.org/enewsletter-for-senior-caregivers
I love this!! I’ve been a caregiver for 12 years and have cared for my parents- Dad’s got Alzheimer’s, for 6 in my home. I really appreciate the insight on asking, ‘ How are you?’ I ask him that in the morning or ‘Did you sleep well?’ and even though he struggles to answer it just didn’t register until now-so thank you. Also, the ‘empty drawer’ for short term memory vs the ‘full drawer’ is such a fantastic visual for me to show my mom! She struggles with comprehending the fact that he lives in his past where the mimicry drawer is fuller. It’s getting harder now that the disease is progressing and even past memories are diminishing. But, utilizing more of the senses does make life more enjoyable and always remembering to smile and laugh-humor and faith in Jesus is everything ♥️
Thank you, Renee! 🧡
*DEMENTIA CURE:* Thanks for all these comments and for sharing some of your own story. I am a 74-year-old man, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease 15 years ago, I always like to use my experience in a positive way to educate others. It is common knowledge that Alzheimer's robs people of their ability to remember. Having dementia for me was lonely, isolating and scary. But when people share their stories, it can provide inspiration, hope and a welcome reminder that you are not alone. Homeocure Worldwide is natural cure medicine. The professional had earlier told me there is no cure, I asked professional to explain this to me? They said it is a miracle. All the patients I have directed to Homeocure Worldwide return with thanks. Don't let drug companies keep you as a slave to their mediocre medications. Don't let them tell you there's nothing that will help you. Today I can say that I'm living life instead of surviving it. For more info, contact Homeocure Worldwide
Hello Renee.... 💝👋👋👋
Someone in my family had progressive memory loss when I was growing up and they passed away before I was a teenager. I remember them feeling almost unreachable. I've been terrified of it happening to my parents and other people I love, and ultimately myself. Im much older now and watching this makes me feel comforted. Thank you for this Diana:) I hope you are doing well.
You are most welcome. I hope that by sharing my techniques lots of folks will win. Both the person who is having short-term memory loss and their loved ones. It truly effects all involved.
It's often not heritage, it's long term diet. Try intermittent fasting to prevent dementia...watch 'Bread head' the movie on KZhead
Wow! Excellent tips! My mom is in her upper 90s and this talk is spot-on! Clickable Outline: 0:30 Screwed Everything Up With Mom 1:15 Memory Loss Common (Elephant in the Room) 2:30 Over 100 Reasons For Memory Loss 3:20 Three Categories of Memory: Functional (Comprehension), Procedural (Automatic), Emotional Memory 8:00 All About Relationships 8:30 Analogy Driving Into Fog on Road 9:30 Tell Me About That Pin! 10:15 Brain Has 2 Jobs: Control and Emotional Safety 11:45 Short Term Memory Loss 14:15 DO NOT Ask a short term memory question to a person who has short-term memory loss 16:40 Learn to Give Up Expectations 17:30 What Are The Strengths? Often Long-Term Memory! 19:50 Humor/Music/Spirtal Base---Playing to Old Memories.... 21:50 Playing to Strengths and Making Visits Enjoyable 22:20 What NOT to say? 24:45 Conversation Starters 30:15 Have a mental list of 3 conversation starters 30:45 Memory Tests 31:15 Support 31:40 Family photos to initiate story telling as long term memory reminders 34:00 Don't Say Goode Bye, Say See You Later, Love You 34:50 Example on stopping a conversation 36:20 Do your homework and be ready! 36:45 How to recover if you make a mistake and ask a short-term memory question 38:40 Research on memory loss 40:00 Goal is a calm, contented day
Wow, thanks for the Outline! I'm keeping it for future reference. Just in case you might be interested in additional resources..... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana @UCsQ4-X-Q7W_zDzkKAQ7b_kw
Thank you!!!!
Thank you for making this clickable list Missy! It makes it so easy to bounce around a review the sections quickly! 😎👍
Very helpful outline! Wondering how to copy it, link to it, or save it as I will be sharing this particular video with friends. It's such valuable and accessible insight. I cannot think of anyone who couldn't benefit from listening to this video, unless they already know it. This goes in the category of 'basic life skills.'
I retired last year at 68 from nursing education. God gave me 2 passions...nursing and teaching. I was blessed to do both for over 30 years. I can tell they are your passion/gift also. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with others. ❤
I'm a nurse of more than 30 years. Now looking to get back to work.
our mum died wit Alzheimers. WISH I HAD HEARD OF THIS LADY BEFORE MY MUM PASSED AWAY
Now, you are able to better communicate with any future dementia sufferers you may encounter, and you can personally recommend this video to those in close proximity to them.
Mine too.😭😭
She said she some times talks too much, but I could have continued to listen to her way more! She is so good, so down to earth, so real! Lucky and blessed are those people she takes care of and those she teaches!
This is one of the best videos I’ve seen on this subject. I’m saving this so I can watch it when I need to. Thank you so much.
Glad it was helpful, Melena! We also have a library of videos for caregivers, which you can search by topic and other filters: training.mmlearn.org/caregiver-training-videos
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@@MmlearnOrg7 Question: Can you answer What happens to create Comments and Replies filled with lots of repeated letters, like the duplicated one in this comment thread❓ TYVM 💕
@@MmlearnOrg7 One of the articles in this link is titled ..’do we know what causes Alzheimer’s’. Alzheimer’s is the name of the man who discovered that people who were in asylums were in fact absolutely not crazy but instead had memory loss etc and the anger that occurs with it.. Anger is a big one because forgetting things is maddening indeed. Sheesh, if I forget where I put my keys or phone, a few swears is a good thing. lol But thing is, before a person is “diagnosed” with a dis-ease with cliché names such as Dementia or Alzheimer’s, doctors need to know that they have to treat their patients for the many minor or not so serious underlying problems such as the varied thyroid problems that in turn can and will create a bunch of added problems such as little or mini strokes etc and if this is not treated it no doubt creates more and bigger problems as time passes because it then becomes too late to do anything about it and on till it’s creating chaos such as Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s is not curable as by then it’s way too late to do anything about it. It is not a disease but the name of a man.
Wish I saw this video when my mom was suffering from dimentia. This desease ripes your heart out & changes you forever. It's 10 years since my mom's death & I still cry because I remember how it affected her. If you know someone with dementia please watch this video, it will help you so much.
In my nursing career, I cared for Alzheimer’s patients. I knew how to talk to my patients without triggering them. My mother had Alzheimer’s and my family kept her at home, her husband, my sister, my daughter, and myself. My family was mainly in denial of her diagnosis. I tried to educate them on how to talk and care for her. I was met with anger, but I continued to stay involved in her care. My difficulty came from myself having bipolar disorder. Mom said many hurtful things, to me, thinking I was my brother. She didn’t get along well with him. There were times when she said hurtful things, I had to back away for time until I could cope again. I never showed my hurt or even anger to her. She couldn’t help with the things she said. I continued to drive to her house daily to take care of her. My mom passed away in her own bed, in her home. It had been a long difficult journey. I gave her her final bath before the funeral home arrived. I also walked her body all the way out to the hearse. That was the final thing I could do for my mom.
For a few years, I had to drive 40 miles one way to care for her.the last 2, we moved nearby, so it was easier. It also made it possible if needed, I could get there fast to help.
Thank you for sharing that with us, Jamie. Our roles as caregivers can be tough and rewarding at the same time. 🧡
It was a beautiful thing you did with your mother. God bless you
Thank you for sharing your dedication to your family. Hopefully you can have peace within yourself. I've been very lucky. No one in my family has any demi enitia. My uncle 93 writing another book my mom in her late 80s. So I can only imagine all the hurt you were around. Thank you for the link im EduK . Kinesologist . So I see what the brain body movements. Again thank you for the link. God bless you for your dedication and service.
you are a very caring and kind person and VERY strong. Be careful and kind to yourself
My MIL has a full time aide living with her in an independent living community. Family visits about once per week and calls each day(7 children). Poor eyesight and hearing plus cognitive issues preclude her from most activities. Reading, watching TV, no hobbies. Insists she wants to go home, that this not her apartment, wants whoever comes to visit to get her out of there; talks about dead babies in boxes, that various family members have been killed or are in the hospital and the truth is being kept from her; she's being told over and over again that her youngest son is dead(he died 16 years) because she thinks she injured him and he's in the hospital! She's 94 and in good health otherwise. I have sent numerous emails to the family members about how to and how not to converse with her, info about dementia, etc. Somehow people just don't get it! I'm sending them this video, it's wonderful. Maybe they will listen and learn from it.
The sad part about Dementia, to me, is that it often includes repeating information ... and not getting frustrated by it. I think some people believe that they can restore a person's memory through reminding them or through correcting their thinking. I know of two friends who are taking care of their parent's who have this. Trying to set the Dementia patient straight or correct them, etc., just stresses out everyone and it just doesn't work.
I wish you success with your education of the family members. Because there are over 100 reasons why folks have short-term memory loss there is often fear in family members that "it might get me" and ignoring it becomes their way to manage their own feelings. Helping them with what to say rather than what not to say might be helpful. My book helps families capture the "who" of the person. I would urge you to consider gathering good conversation starters. All family members can work together to capture these pleasant long-term memories that help you MIL feel successful and useful. If we aren't ready with a conversation starter, we default to a short-term memory question such as "Hi, how are you?" Those short-term memory questions set the conversation up for failure and frustration. might be interested in more tools.... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
I'm taking care of my mom, she is 80 and some days we are doing good and some we do not. This was a very good talk I enjoyed it . It did help me alot .
Love her more instead !!! Dementia = The brain is running through old memories and some cases, it's a protection of the brain.
Take a look at conversations that start each day. Many times a simple short-term memory question such as "How are you today?" can set the day off on a not so successful journey. None of us want to fail and when asked a question they can't answer easily often results in frustration which works it way to anger. Just a thought. In case you are interested....My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips - Well, writing a "Book" and YET, you aren't able to understand a simple concept! "Failure" is my greatest achievement and here is why. Because of "failure", I am able to grow and learn! NOTE: You have lots of learning to do !!!
My mom is in Memory Care. She is 94. I wish I had known these tips when she first started showing signs. The one that hit me was the menu at the restaurant. I would take her for lunch or dinner and one day she handed me the menu and told me to pick something. Sometime she would just say I'll have what you are having. Thanks for all your good suggestions and for caring so deeply ❤️.
Thank you for watching, Colleen!
Taking my Dad to a restaurant (pre-lockdown) was his best treat❣. A fast food chain, Wimpy, has full color photos of all the meals and beverages. This is great, as he can identify what he wants. He always orders the same thing, but he is very sure of what he's getting, and gives him a sense of autonomy, maybe?🤔❣
Diana Waugh : Thank you ❣. I will do that. Thanks for the reply 😘
Hello Colleen.... 💝👋👋👋
Just like Kathryn I came across this item by accident. So glad that I did. I am posting this to my family to make future difficulties easier. Thank you so much.
I did the same.
I cared for my dad for some years when he suffered dementia. I found it quite pleasurable to spend time with him. Keeping a sense of humour is all important. Never get too serious about anything a person with dementia says. It usually only lasts for a short time, if they are talking nonsense. I just agreed with him most of the time, rather than argue. It's pointless arguing! So long as we are happy, so will they be, most of the time. Changing the subject can work. Keeping it simple. I might tell my dad I will make you a cup of tea, rather than say what do you mean? A lot of the time he just needed to rest some more. Just letting someone know that you love them is far more important than anything else.
Oh goodness. My gram had memory loss for the last few years of her life (probably longer). She passed at 102 after a long, happy, healthy life. This information gives me peace of mind and heart that I did the right things in my communications with her. It just confirmed what I felt was the right way to approach her. Invaluable information and presented so well. Thank you ❤️
So great to hear your success. You needed to write a book! Diana
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips 💕
That was one of the most compassionate pieces I have listened to. Amazing!
Thanks for listening
Thanks so much. My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/
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Diane, My mother is living with advanced dementia and I am her caregiver. Thanks for the straight talk. It is very helpful and i am going to share this with my family, support workers, and friends. Thanks again for the explanations and how to engage with persons with dementia. - Lilian
Thanks so much. My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/
Give her hugs and kisses everyday ,my mom is not on this earth any longer I loved her with my hole heart and kissed her everyday I would say your nose is cold mom so your heart is warm I always said I love you mom she would say ditto honey ditto, she was my best friend what I would give to hug her and kiss her nose cold once again to hear ditto Susan ,God BLESS YOU AND YOUR MOM MAKE AS MANY GREAT MEMORY WITH HER AS YOU CAN ,😇😢😤
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@A Javid so what do you want me to ddo for your mum?
My mom died at 82 of Alzheimer's. I loved her so dearly. She wanted to die at home and she did. I knew Alzheimer's was about memory loss but there was so much I didn't have a clue about. It is a horrid disease. And I know my mom always loved me dearly and she knew I loved her dearly. I was her 24-7 care giver on my own. The last 6 months I was exhausted. Really mentally and physically near collapse. Hospice did visit for a half hour or hour two or three times a week. But they really only advise or care for a sore except for the bath help. They don't really give you relief like a nurse or family giving you a break. Even the bath, if my mom wanted me in there because she was scared they did the work but I assisted a little. Some of the things the nurse told me, I just didn't believe. Now I can see how right they were. At the time it was more pain for me and mom because I just didn't expect what tapped so I said the wrong things. I meant well but even now a year after her death I still feel terrible that I handled some things wrong. The hospice people were usually checking up on changes good or bad and medicine and how to care for her. They talked about the changes some as they happened. I was getting about 3 hours sleep a night the last 6 months. My own health was bad. So they gave me a little booklet that explained Alzheimer's things I needed to understand before they happened, but I was so exhausted it was all I could do to see to her needs. I didn't start reading some of it until the last two weeks. Way to late. Then so much made sense. The memory loss, even when she thought I was her mom. Even when she wasn't really sure who I was she knew to call out Judy if she needed something. The last few months was when it got really bad. The hallucinations, she thought everyone was trying to kill her. She saw things on tv a man with a gun that just had a microphone, she heard voices outside they were going to take our home. I'll never forget how I stupidly told her some of these things when her mind was clearer and she just balled and said then I'm crazy. I will always hurt over that one. I tried to comfort her and tell her not to worry because it was the medication and she would be fine later. Or when she thought I was her mom and I called her mom and was talking about my siblings and her grandson that she adored. She looked at me so funny so bewildered. Then I made the mistake of saying how her mom died 59 years ago and the shock on her face. These memories haunt me. And I did go along at times but she went in and out of reality and her memory too. So I never knew was I her mother today or her daughter or that mice girl that took care of her. It was shocking because I didn't understand how she was going backwards even to a child or toddler. So now I feel like I did so much wrong and it hurts. They could have spent 20 minutes of the time they discussed her care with me and explained all this but they didn't. They were sweet and helped in many ways but I really wish they had truly explained about them going downhill in age. She didn't drink or eat the last six days. And the death rattle and sounds that sounded like she was in pain or couldn't breath good nearly killed me that last week. They said she was not in pain and could breath but I didn't know if they really knew or if it was true. My aunt helped the last few months. She stayed with me and my aunt the last week. I simply would have collapsed without there help. And at first they kept saying dementia, it was only the last like three weeks they started saying Alzheimer's occasionally. So I was confused because they had told me they weren't the same thing. I didn't really know it was Alzheimer's until I got the death certificate. Sorry I wrote a book, but I'm just now starting to deal with the mistakes I made and trying to face and cope with my feelings of letting my beloved mom down. Maybe you can save others from the heartache I'm suffering from because of my lack of knowledge. I just love your steps to understanding and giving dignity to persons with dementia and teaching medical workers and family how to deal with them and how to cope. Thank you!!
Great "book"/capsule--I didn't know almost any of it, thanks.
Judy ... So sorry for what you're still going through...on so many levels. Your mom only died but a year ago. I think it's safe to say.....you are still exhausted! What a toll on your body, soul and spirit. I'm so sorry you went through all of that alone. That shouldn't happen to anyone, and I'm glad you told you're story. Surely your sharing will be helpful to someone in those shoes now or soon to be in the future. With time, with reassurance from friends, others...hopefully you will be able to rest in ...you did the very best for your mom! You did it with loving daughter's heart! Your mom knows that! If your mom wasn't confused, you know how she would have thanked you for providing for every aspect of her care! Her mother's heart of love would have felt so badly, probably apologizing to you, for the toll it was taking on you. I'm guessing, to any of her apologies, you would have respond something like....It's okay mom! Let's see. We're almost finished here, then how about some lunch?.... If you can, please, try to imagine your mother to comfort you now with the guilt you're experiencing....It's okay, Sweetie! You did an outstanding job caring for me! I'm so proud of you, and I just love you ever so much!.... Please with time and practice, try to give yourself the grace that your mother surely would give to you. Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves and we never would be that way with other people. Do take care of yourself, in all ways, refreshing your still very tired mind and body. God bless you...
Judy, you are so sweet to love your mom so very much. By your presence and your caring, she knew of the immensity of your love, and that's what matters most. That's the best gift of all. ❤
Absolutely loved these clues, tips and M.O.'s, Diana ! My questioning of my short-term memory loss parent needs to change. I knew that from her reactions. Now, I know how better to proceed and cultivate what I can ! Thanks !
My Grandma makes so much more sense now. Thank you for this. I will share with my family
Glad it was helpful! Please feel free to subscribe to our enewsletter! It goes out monthly with useful information to help you in your role as a caregiver: training.mmlearn.org/enewsletter-for-senior-caregiver
Soo educational and helpful information to effectively help your loved one with understanding. Tnank you.
I took care of dementia patients in their homes or in a facility. I learned so much and I was thinking about writing a book too. I miss those patients because I also felt I knew how to take care of them. It was the most rewarding work that I've ever done! Loved your video...you are right on!!!
Thank you, Carol!
You missed them because you knew how to take care of them. How have you learned or knew take care of dementia
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This is like dealing with toddlers actually. Thank you for posting, she's a great presenter.
You are most welcome..and thanks for the kind words. It's really dealing with them where they have strengths. That is what we do with children because we understand their level of processing ability. That's our hope that we talk with them on topics where they have strengths and can process long-term memory issues .
Toddlers don't have a deep drawer full of long-term memories to work with. Tap into the deep drawer.
I love talking to those with dementia. I learned really young with my great grandmother and helping my grandmother take care of her friends. When I got to doing home health I became everyone’s favorite because of my patience and ability to engage them. I pray my kids are able to do the same.
I just happened on this video quite by accident, not even looking at anything remotely related, but I so wish I had been given this information 2 decades ago. My mother, who was one of those people who did the crossword puzzles in ink, died of Alzheimer's and this would have helped immensely in communicating with her. I feel as though I did so many things wrong, but nothing I read helped as this one presentation would have. God bless you for this! I will definitely be picking up the book in case I or anyone I know could use it in the future.
Wow what an informative comment! Love it, and thanks for sharing!
I understand what's she's saying. I just totally agree. Memory lose comes in and out. And the person may remember something one day and not the next, but the day after. So No I'd never bullshit them just to get a conversation. Memory is lessened but not their body's intelligence. A lie is a lower frequency. Truth is a higher. Your physical body can sense fear memory stored in our DNA. But if lies work for you. Good. Kinensology for elders literally reestablished the neurotransmitters to the brain easy fun movements. Memory loss is a disconnection to different parts of your brain. Reconnect them. Try it you will be amazed.
This is absolutely my mother as well. My sister is her caregiver and has no training in this. I happened across this accidentally as well and she explains it so beautifully.
Memory is by association.
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Priceless, thank you. Too late for my Mom but this will educate future generations and my loved ones...possibly for me too.
Hi Tui, if you're looking for more information, we have a free guide on understanding the most common types of dementia: training.mmlearn.org/most-common-types-of-dementia
THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WAS VERY EDUCATIONAL AND INFORMATIVE. EVERYTHING YOU SAID MADE A LOT OF SENSE.
This is a wonderful learning tool! I’m going to share because this might help with sensitivity issues. Sometimes our family members are the least understanding when it comes to knowing how to talk to our memory challenged loved ones. Avoidance is the knee jerk response. It’s why so many people don’t get visitors in nursing homes. Thank you for this video!
My mother passed away two years ago after a long 15 years slide into dementia. There's a few things that I observed with her (and keep in mind I live 3000 miles from her in another country so we weren't around each other much while she was in the hospital) but I found music was something she really enjoyed and pulled her out of her confusion. Also I was sitting there with her one time and she had her eyes closed and sitting on the edge of her bed and she was folding laundry. In her mind she had a basket of laundry and she was taking pieces out and carefully folding them and letting him down and grabbing another piece. I think this is what kind of things help people who are in deep dementia. Why don't they keep baskets of laundry to fold or maybe some easy tools and something people can tinker with etc. maybe a vacuum cleaner or brooms.
Music soothes. If you can find the eras and the specific music that they loved at different stages in their life, you can actually trigger emotional and positive results. During anxiety removing the stresses by sitting quietly and listening to music. Also print out some lyrics and sing together, it works really well.
Works well. Thanks for sharing.
I am an ER nurse, I use my spotify on my phone for patients quite often, it can be a lifesaver
Nursed in nursing home 40 years. I would sing with residents all the old songs.esp in the shower. They would join in .may not speak or communicate during the day. But would sing along with me in shower. And knew most of the words.a great start for both our days.i miss those times
This video just hits so close to home I can’t watch without crying cause I relate to close to this
You are so right, It was so close to home for me to, Thx
Great tools to open up a conversation. Thank you, we all have one of this lapses of memory. Thanks to your great explanation I’ll be able to carry a conversation without embarrassing another person. Esther
This was so amazing. I have been searching for a good way to communicate with and assist my mother who has short term memory loss due to stroke. This has been amazing for me and things I never thought about, like simply rewording to help her stay calm. This has been an answer to prayer to listen to this morning. I took notes too. ☺️. Thank you for sharing on KZhead.
Thanks so much. My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ These materials might reduce your need for note taking.
I'm going to take notes the next time.... I may have to watch it 10.times. lol
Ahhh even better I'll check out the website thanks 😊
Try serrapeptase! (1 capsule twice daily) And have her drink 1 tbsp of wheat germ oil 3 times daily. Remove all bread products from her diet immediately, tell her they're rotten or unavailable temporarily. I really believe you will see a vast improvement and within a week!
Love this ladies personality. She is both funny and interesting.
And competent. Great combo!!
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this conversation. My husband is starting to go into this . He is angry all the time. Thank you so much.
hope u get him on some anti-depression medicine.
Hi, Kathleen, we also have a free guide for family caregivers that is available online: www.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home Hope it proves helpful for you and your husband.
I love this woman - super smart and caring🙏❤️
Wanna be on my marketing team??!!! Thanks so much for your kind words.
Absolutely met them in the place they are ❤️ them
I do have long term memory better. You are really hitting the nail on the head.
I really enjoyed this. My husband has Alzheimer’s in the early stages. His brother is younger and has or is near dying. I’m going to listen to this again and hope it helps me. Thank you ever so much.
I'm so grateful for this video. It makes so much sense. It was so easy to understand.
So wish I would've done some research on dealing with this with my mom. I did everything wrong. Our interactions were never safe, we were both frustrated to no end, and even tho' she passed in 09, just the thought of all of it still makes my eyes leak. I'm sharing this everywhere. Thank you.
I know that my dad really enjoyed meeting and being introduced to people - with a handshake of course, and then a courteous introduction tells you a little about the person as well.
It’s so hard not to ask, “Do you remember when...?” I see I need to look at my communications as: Make statements, not questions. Enjoyed your video, it’s very helpful because it contains specific advice.
There’s lots about talking to people with dementia. There needs to be much more focus to listening to dementia sufferers.
Hi there! We have a library of videos for caregivers, which you can search by topic and other filters: training.mmlearn.org/caregiver-training-videos Hopefully some of them are helpful for you!
And invisible disease......fibromyalgia
How true,we must listen to these people, that’s the key answer, to helping them . VJ NSW Australia.
They don't start speaking an alien language, you numpty. You listen to them as you would a normal person. Nothing less. If you can't, then you're insulting.
@@happy1831 which might be Lyme disease after all
What a sweetheart. I am definitely sending this to a friend whose husband is going through this. It makes it so understandable. Thank you. Cali
This lady is amazing
I am so grateful to have happened upon this insightful session.
When Diane said that it's best to step into the person's reality and not try to drag her into yours, this really hit home. This is exactly what I've been preaching to my friends who are currently taking care of someone with Dementia. I took care of my mother-in-law during her final years with Dementia. This was the most difficult thing I've ever done, but in the end, I felt so honored to be part of this woman's experience. I always thought of my time with her as a type of dance ... and I let her lead.
I really like your dance analogy. I might just have to use that as I teach others how to enjoy time together.
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips Thank you, Diana.
@@lifecloud2 You are very welcome! Diana
My husband who died in 2016 had dementia and he also was blind with hearing impairment. His disease got so bad that he could no longer drink coffee. His throat could no longer swallow. I kept him at home until he died except he was hospitalized 5 weeks before he died. I wish I had this information when I could have used it. Thank you for making this stuff available. It is so useful.
Thank you for sharing, Pat. Our hearts are with you.
My condolences on loosing your husband. Sounds like you gave him unconditional love till the end. What a blessing.
Thanks so much. Perhaps you wish to share my information with others who are currently on the journey. My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific to the person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/
Hello Melton.... 💝👋👋👋
This is wonderful and so important. I have learned so much. I am a in health care and wish this was part of every program
This has been amazing! I wish I’d found this lady’s channel years ago. I agree with so much she’s said .
Glad we connected. Caring is sharing so please feel free to share the tips you learned and me with others who are facing this challenge. Just in case you might be interested in more tools.... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
This has been so helpful. I remember the mistakes I made with my mother and make today with my father. I strongly believe you must help with keeping their strength strong or they live a living death.
Hi criss im sorry your father and mother have this my granda has it to its awful good luck x
My dad is 88 years old and everything you said I have experienced and you have helped me very much with how to handle this better. I have always been the type of person to say it like is! Even if it is confrontational, but that has got me nowhere with my dad except for huge arguments! He always tells me that he was a business man for 40 years and do you think I'm stupid!
Oh boy, can I relate to all you say!
@Cat Magic I think you misunderstood Eric. He's saying that honesty was getting nowhere, and his father's defensiveness only led to arguments. Dealing with this type of person, with a lifetime of always knowing they're right and getting their way, is particularly challenging in dementia. Caregivers and loved ones often fall into the trap of thinking they're talking to the person who used to be. Being ready to handle combative behavior in the later stages of the disease, and aggression, is something not talked about a lot. Seeing the life in an Alzheimer's care facility is a real eye opener.
Hi Eric, we have a free guide for family caregivers that you can download: training.mmlearn.org/family-caregiver-guide-caring-for-a-senior-at-home Hope this is helpful!
I'm loving this.. and will remodel conversations accordingly. Now that I realise that everything you are saying seems appropriate for my mum.. It's very helpful .. thank you.
This was a lovely talk. I worked on a dementia ward ,its very hard work especially when the dementia patients turns violent ,which isn't uncommon ,and it's hard as there are often staffing shortages with in this profession, and very hard to remember to never say no don't do that especially if your being hit ,kicked ,or spat at .All staff members i worked with did a wonderful job ,there undervalue and usually under paid ,but normally they have the biggest hearts .then all medical professions as they get to know there patients, they keep either your mum or dads dignity as they look upon them as people ,there not just numbers like hospital wards .So please thank the staff it makes a very hard job worth it .
Too often anger is the result of frustration which is the result of caregivers trying to bring them into the caregivers reality rather than going into the reality of the resident. I'm 100% (OK 92.5%) convinced that we get the behaviors we ask for through our interactions. It starts with the first comments in the morning and the anger continues all day. The change MUST come in the caregiver approach. Just in case you know anyone that might be interested in more tools.... My book I WAS THINKING captures conversation starters specific for a person. If you haven’t had a chance yet take a look at my For Families page on my website for information about the helpful materials and on purchasing my book and another DVD for families. www.waughconsulting.info/for-families/ Here's to more successful conversations. Diana
@@WaughConsultingVideoTips I wish I could send you to my dad's nursing home. There are a few staff who are intuitively able to let the resident shine, but I get too many calls about dad's "abusive" behavior, which I know is from some strong willed staff member giving him orders to make their job easier (which may also come from being overloaded with patients, but it backfires). I've tried to train them, but I know well the resistance to the idea that family members know what their job is like. Even though I've worked in nursing homes, as a cook on ships, and am now a teacher, and when Dad retired he went to work at the nursing home he's in now, but it was under different ownership and has been completely remodeled, so he doesn't know where he is. It's even more difficult with Covid-19 restrictions keeping me out of the facility. I just wish I could send you there.
My mother's memory is likely better than mine, but she does show some short term loss (like me... it takes me 10 minutes to remember what I ate for breakfast the day before.). I love your suggestion about how to ask questions without saying, "Do you remember?" I tried it out last night, by not asking my mother directly, but speaking out loud so that she could fill in the blanks. And she did. Then we got on the computer and she started researching the topic and actually became quite excited about what we were learning. What a great talk. And you're a wonderful orator.