"How Do I Rekindle Feelings of Being In Love?", "How Do I Stop The Thoughts?" & More... Q&A (ROCD)
In this video, Kiyomi answers 5 Q&A's from Ask Anything Monday on Instagram, but in a way to empower and show you how to start finding freedom from ROCD (not reassurance).
PS: I apologize for the video and audio quality! I had to use a different camera this time and unfortunately, the quality was not good at all. Hopefully next time the video and audio will be much better :) Thanks for bearing with me!
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Does anyone else have this feeling of "I want HIM to be the one, but what if the universe doesn't want him to be my personal "the one" but wants someone else instead and will make things difficult one day, so we will have to break up cause that's god's plan and then everything will be meaningless"? Just wondering 😂😂
Same haha...
@@yusungchoi3099 Good to know I'm not alone with this 😥
Hey Vanessa, as someone who’s struggled with ROCD on and off for about two years, I think that this might be a question in which you’re asking, “is my life and are my choices okay as they are now?”. The way OUT of ROCD is to sit with the uncertainty. No, there is no real way to know for sure if he’s “the one”. And frankly, you still have the power of choice even if the universe DOES cause you hell for it. As long as you are alive, you can choose to stay with your partner. There is no universal truth of your life and what it’s “supposed” to be sitting somewhere in the universe and comparing it to your life as it is now. You do NOT need permission to live your life, from anyone.
@@jennasciuto9796 Thank you so much! ❤ It is something I know deep know, but unfortunately not in my worst ROCD moments 😒
I used to have those thoughts but then I realised we have the power to choose whatever we want to. Lets not let our brain control too much of what we want. ALWAYS choose him:))
I think one of my greatest issues is I confuse my feelings with my self. All sorts of things come up, not just ROCD related, but many strong physical sensations and feelings and thoughts and I spend so long trying to analyse them and figure them out and fix them and terrified what they mean about me. It feels almost dangerous and wrong to just view them as an observer, like if I ignore those warning signs something bad will happen. It’s interesting to notice the relationship I have with them and continue to quietly observe and remind myself that I’m safe. I will start to do that today. It’s so hard tho! Feels so wrong to do... like... how dare I ignore all this shit about me that I need to sort out. I’m too messed up to just observe . I need to FIX!!!!
Omg that’s exactly what I go through!!! With the guilt of ignoring which holds me back from freeing myself from thoughts! How are you doing now?
@@Pauladasrockt I do not know what to do. I'm so tired of all this .. I don't understand OCD or not. I'm confused if I have feelings for her, if I love her. So tired of everything .. I just want to die and that's it ..😖 Perhaps this is a red flag .. my girlfriend can joke and pin up .. Now I started to get hung up on this .. when the thought comes about immediately anxiety .. Although she loves me and understands my condition, supports and says that she is with me .. I so tired i want to die..
@@user-xq4vm3lg3w how are you now
You’ve helped me more than anything for the last 3 months and I know I’m getting better day by day. Thank you for doing this; you made me understand that I was not alone in this❤️
Lately my rocd and intrusive thoughts had calm down a bit. I struggled for 3 months and when my therapist said it was rocd I felt better and slowly learned to deal with my thoughts. But now that I'm feeling much better I am starting to have anxiety and rocd again. The intrusive thoughts are telling me "if you're feeling better it means that it wasn't rocd and that you don't love your boyfriend anymore" "you're still a liar, you feel better because there never was rocd to begin with". My anxiety spiked up again and it's awful. I'm going to see my boyfriend in 2 days (we're in a long distance relationship) and I think this might have triggered the rocd because I'm scared to get rocd again next to him. (when I had it at his place 2 months ago it got better but the first days were awful : intrusive thoughts, panic attacks...) I just want to feel better. One week ago I felt so at peace and I was sure of my love for him. Now the fact that I have to see him again soon is scaring me... It's the worst. (and we are in a healthy relationship, he knows about my rocd and is very supportive.. I just wish I could tell my rocd to shut up)
What happened? How did you deal with seeing him again? I'm also in a LDR and feeling anxious about seeing him again
Same here.....again started suffering 😭
Trust me I know the feeling of when your thoughts take over and you feel like you can’t concentrate on anything. Mine was so bad that all I would think was the intrusive thoughts 24/7 I literally mean that. I couldn’t sleep more than 2 hours and would have anxiety and panic attacks going to bed, waking up and while I was with my girlfriend. Unfortunately I am at a stage where my ROCD has me in a state of numbness. I still feel the anxiety but not as much. For the most part it still can spike when I’m with my girlfriend but I find myself being able to manage a it a bit better. I do get scared because of the feeling numbness and then my brain tells me “You never had ROCD because now your anxiety has left and the the thoughts still happen but you don’t have a reaction to them which means you don’t care.” That is not true. If you ever do hit the numbness stage, don’t listen to you brain. My girlfriend is the most loving and supportive girl. I can’t even being to tel you the kind of crap I have put her thought because of my ROCD. I kind of wish I never told her a couple of things. My mind I guess just wanted to confess the thoughts but that is not always the best way. I am currently in counseling and it is helping a bit. I would say slowly, the sessions help. I do have trauma from my past in my childhood that also does trigger my numbness and anxiety and depression, I have spoken to my counselor and she has opened my eyes more to how I have been acting in my relationship because there are triggers that I don’t even know about that put me in a place of fear, anxiety and panic. The hardest thing is fearing those intrusive thoughts about the relationship. Fear=Fire When you are in that state of just constant anxiety, guilt, fear, and or depression, the best thing to do is distract ones self. It’s not easy. Maybe try and go hang with a friend, I know that is even hard. Maybe you can make a new friend and hangout with them. I was fortunate enough to make a new friend not too long ago and he understood me more than my family did. He deals with anxiety and knows what it’s like to have a constant anxious state of mind at times. I’m trying my best to live the life I want everyday. I’m also trying to get better help than I am at the moment. It’s not easy but I know that one day I will be able to have the control of my life that I want and be able to have a happier and healthier relationship with my girlfriend. Don’t give up. :)
@@Jeff79960 thanks for sharing your experience! Meditation has helped me a lot too! I definitely should practice more. I sometimes feel numb and I have had big moments of numbness where I felt the urge of breaking up. Now I am way better than what I used to be, I still have intrusive thoughts a lot and anxiety sometimes but less often. What helps me, is being aware and conscious of the way I am, meaning how I react when I'm tired for example, also, all the believes I have that come from society or family or friends etc and the fact that I can chose to be ok with these beliefs or not. And knowing that everything in rocd comes from fear, made me understand that this is not who I really am
@@johannac.8363 ROCD really sucks. I think my numbness phase is fading again and the fear and anxiety is ramping up again. I hope it doesn’t hit too hard. Wish me luck. I was all of you good luck!
I'm watching this video because I got mildly triggered when I learned my boyfriend has been talking to a jeweler. despite the fact that the last few days have been absolutely wonderful for us, I got scared. And I got scared that I got scared. it's so validating to be reminded that fears and emotions can lie to us.
I’ve been dealing with ROCD for as long as I could remember. I think what’s amplifying my ROCD right now is that my husband just shipped out to boot camp to join the airforce and he’s not here with me and I’m alone now without him. I’m going through “I don’t feel like I’m in love right now, why aren’t the feelings there? What’s wrong with me or this relationship?” I was having severe anxiety attacks about those feelings not being there but now I feel calm while still having those “loss of feelings” and my intrusive thoughts aren’t running like crazy so I start to obsess over “is this my truth?” “Does this mean I truly do not love my husband anymore?” “Does this mean I have to leave?” Bc all these feelings feel “wrong” I have been with my husband for 6 years! I’ve never been truly alone all my teen years and now entering my young adult life and I get these what if thoughts. “What if this is a sign that I must leave?” “What if I’m feeling calm bc this means that I can be okay without my partner?” But I don’t want to be without my partner, never in a million years would I want to leave him. He’s truly my person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. He’s gone for three months and I’m obsessing over “what if you still have these loss of feelings throughout these 3 months that he’s gone?” “Does that mean I have to leave the relationship?” I feel numbness all throughout my body from the weakness feeling in my arms to feeling light headed. I just wish all these doubts and fears would not take such a huge hold on me. These videos help me a lot but it can only help so much. I feel hopeless most days. I’m longing for those feelings of love to come back to get that reassurance and certainty. Does anyone else deal with this?
I had severe ROCD for about 8 months and my husband deployed to Korea which surprisingly got rid of the thoughts. But I’ve been in your shoes before. I know it’s hard to take in but just sit with the fact that you WANT those feelings to come back, when really there not gone to begin with. That you’re scared of not loving him. It’s that fear that gives you those intrusive thoughts. Your brain has gotten so used to being in flight or fight mode that it doesn’t surprise me that you’re remaining calm. It just needs a break. I experienced this as well. Just know that if you truly didn’t love your husband and didn’t care for the relationship, you wouldn’t be so scared. Society loves to talk about “signs” and mumbo jumbo like that. But really, you choose what happens in your life. The choice is up to you! You have your own free will. Another thing that helped me: you’re married and bound to be at a place where you’re not necessarily out of love, but everything feels…boring and still. Don’t let this scare you. It’s natural. Don’t be scared. Let the thoughts come and go. Don’t fight them. Wishing you the best my friend!
Hi, I see that your experience resembles mine. Do you have tactics and tricks outside of Kiyomi's that can help? I constantly ruminate and think, “What if I’m feeling calm means that I can be okay without my partner, or what am I supposed to do? I really don't want to leave him, but sometimes when my anxiety is high I just search the earth to find a reason not to be with him. Like I like cats and he likes dogs / or I ordered a hot chocolate and he got a flat white.. and then I convince myself - see there is a reason, you were not meant to be together and that's why you feel this way. This is the reason for you, to not feel anything, and you should trust your gut. etc... this whole thing is new to me - has been going on for 4 months .. WHAT should I do?
Thankyou for this❤️
Thank you so much, this helped a lot! ❤️
That second question put so much into perspective, thank you sososo much
Thanks angel ❤❤❤❤🙏
This video was extremely helpful ❤️ thank you for giving me a dash of hope today :)
The second question was exactly what I needed to hear. I never felt more understood how you feel like if ur not feeling on top of the moon then there must be something wrong with the relationship or it’s unhealthy or maybe you don’t actually like them. But you really just made it make sense and thank you so much! ❤️
I never knew it was called false memory rocd or I never knew it existed til i watched your vid! thank you so much your videos help me so so much❤️
10:55 is such a helpful explanation! Thankyou ❤❤
Right now i see my boyfriend only as my boyfriend and i dont know if im in love or if its bad that i dont see him as my partner. Someday i do see him as my partner and some days i dont. We’re now trying to take it slow and build up the affection and connection again
Hi, Kelysha. How are you doing now?
I’m right there with you ! Idk if I’m in love ?
@@corinasepulveda97 hey how are you feeling now
Hi there, so I’m dealing with OCD since July 2020 which quickly turned into ROCD. Every day feels like a battle and I can’t stop thinking, feels more like I’m thinking more about it than not on most days so it’s lots of hours per day... it makes me feel so unsure abt my feelings. I have my boyfriend since 6 years and actually I know we fit so good!! He is just the best. But then I started feeling guilty about his best friend. I though I’d thought too much about him even before this OCD thing started and that I cared about his instagram activity and so on. I somehow realized that I was excited/had a „different“ feeling when I saw his best friend occasionally, recapping events when I talked to him and feelings I thought I had. I always think about what could have been if my bf and I wouldn’t be together so early bc thats why it never was an option. Idk. I really idealize that person sooo much and I just want it to stop, want to be happy knowing the friend is cool and special but not for me, but it’s always like there still is something to think about. It ruins me so much tho🙄 I really think it’s easier when you know bad sides of someone but I literally know only good from that person which makes me go insane
I am feeling the exact same thing! Have you managed to deal with this??
TYSM
YANA ❤️
YANA❤
I feel guilty for even watching these videos
normal but also you want to heal ❤️ that’s a courageous step
Same, but I use them as a refresher that I’m Being stupid. And it makes me realise how much I like the person to be sitting here trying to fix myself
Can ROCD click in at the very beginning of a relationship and sabotage infatuation itself?
that’s what i‘m experiencing right now. same question 😐 i think yes, it definitely can, but my mind keeps telling me that i‘m just making this up. idk what to do
@@isabelmuller6725 Don't be afraid. It's ok, and you'll find a way through. Welcome your feelings, and don't let them get you stuck.
@@compagniaelvira thank you. how are you doing?
Hello, I am from Ukraine, I am 19 years old and I have been suffering from rocd for 1.5 years. At first it was very awful, as if it hit me, but over time the anxiety was less. Now I do not feel such love as before for my partner, although I really want to! Also tell me what to do with the feeling of deception, I seem to be deceiving that I love my partner, I seem to be lying to myself and him, what to do with it? Аlso I am afraid to fall in love with another guy and betray my partner
Hi can you put time tags on for the longer videos please :)
There’s a lot of overthinking when it comes to thought, sensations, urges that come and go with not needing to make heads or tails of it. It’s simply that we’re humans having a body that is effected by our environment from biological influence, to lack of integrity of the way food is produced and process, to the way the education system or political structure functions. You just can’t solve every injustice the over inflated sense of responsibility can weight one down. Start with knowing while there’s imperfection and injustice you can find beauty as well!
YANA!
I've started healing, i think, and I don't feel feeling of guilt. Which would be relieving, but I've started worrying if the fact that the guilt isn't there anymore, does it mean that I have found my truth?
Yesturday i had intrusive thoughts and doubt abt mt relationship, and i got over it but then today the same topic came up with a story i was ready and i kist couldnt read it anymore and started crying, it the FUCK out of me..
What if you have the feeling that you are only with your partner out of fear? This is one of the thoughts I struggle with the most. I spend hours ruminating about it. I’ve been with him since I was 19 and now I am 34. I never experienced being on my own or dating because he has always been there. I have all these thoughts of what if I have to leave to find myself, but what if I am just too scared. It feels so real, but I love my hubby.
It’s just another ugly obsession, treat it like one. It may sound very real and true but don’t get too caught up in trying to figure this out because you’ll get stuck in a reassurance trap.
YANA❤️
@@weronikabartosiak8210 what is a reassurance trap?
It seems like my intrusive thoughts have calmed down a lot. I still get some thoughts but not as much as when it started. I test myself saying over and over again I’m not in love with him to get a reaction. Now I feel no connection to him at all right now…I still say I love you and kiss him but most of the time I feel nothing… what does it mean if I had the intrusive thoughts but they have calmed down but I still test myself??..
Don't worry..im also having this same problem...you are still love with him...coz of that deep love,you are having anxiety regarding this...this thoughts will come and go ...come and go...don't get panic...just think that these are ur thoughts and in inner heart theres love hidden for him...you will reach that place soon....🥰
Is there anyone who experience rocd in a opposite way like ‚does he really loves me?‘ Ive struggeled with rocd (like do i love him) before but now after my boyfriend and i moved together and he had times where he was unsure too if this is everything he wants or if he really wants to be with me (he never had doubts about us even in the times i had rocd and thought i have to break up with him) After these struggels i always look for his body language, does he kiss me goodbye or he doesn‘t want sex or cuddling with me some weeks...and then i start to panic... I don‘t know what to do to feel better... is it normal, that couples have difficult times like this (especially in a pandemic) or are these signs we have to break up... Thank you for any answeres ❤️ (sorry for my english I‘m from germany)
yes. it used to ruin me. so much anxiety. i feel like it can flip depending on the partner. look into the pursuer distancer dynamic
YANA
I had ROCD one year ago and I never had these false memories thought, being anxious about someone else turning me on or whatever. I was just working with the thoughts « do I love him » etc. And these thoughts came in right now, one year later, and 8 months after I healed from my first Rocd. Why? Idk. Will I work for it? OF COURSE
the brain is creative and i think you’re probably remembering the thoughts you were dealing with before
What did you do to cure your rocd ?
My fear isn’t, “Should I be with HER?” My fear is, “Should I be with ANYONE?” I’m n other words, “Should I be single?” I’m very independent.
Wow... Just yesterday my bf and I had the conversation should we break up cause sex is terrible, romance is dead and we are only a year and a half into the relationship. We wamna believe that we can build the romance and pashion back up cause we love each other but we dont know what to do
A relationship shouldn’t be just based on sex and making out. You need to find an inner connection within yourselves and find a connections with eachother
how are you doing now?
I know for sure I have severe ROCD I started dating someone but I don’t feel anything ? But like I crave him and I’ll catch myself just falling into looking at him or feeling inspired by how he is or what he does . He’s not attractive but I find myself just glaring in all with him . I was single for 8 years straight before him so idk if I’m in love or not I just know I don’t want him to go weather that’s friends or not . I also have severe anxiety that I think has made me feel numb . Do you have any advice ? I don’t I’m numb in a sense because even with my 6 years old daughter I can’t connect those feelings of being a parent to her 😢 its just a void and that’s what makes me cry it’s very confusing and guilt consuming thinking about all of this
we so understand. Please know you are not alone and there is hope to healing and finding freedom from ROCD/RA. -AIL Team
Has anyone here started taking medication(s)? how did it turn out? (I'll start taking medication because I have very high-functioning anxiety and depression)
I have and I’m so thankful for it. I wasn’t sure at first but it’s helped me so much.
@@nataliatorres4662 I'm glad to hear that! I hope it helps me lots too
I take SSRI, they should help
at the moment i stopped ruminating, but I also stopped caring about him or anything that is around me. when I‘m with him I feel good and bad and I don‘t know what it means.. I am only a little bit anxious and idk if I just stopped loving him or if I‘m just reacting to my feelings.
how are you now
@@lilynorris5230 better mentally, thanks for asking. we have a lot of other issues, though, but we‘re managing. 🙂 it‘s hard to deal with everything, but if I can do it, everybody can. 🥰
@@MultiNati02 i can’t seem to get out of my head and enjoy time with him? did you experience that
@@lilynorris5230 Yes, I do have that problem as well. I just started thinking as something that everybody who cares a lot has. I am very observant, and I see people without this diagnosis thinking a lot as well. It‘s human and normal. 🙂 Try to focus on reality and try seeing things from an outer perspective. That has helped me a lot.
@@MultiNati02 it’s so bad, the anxiety when i’m around him, i don’t want to loose him but i don’t want to feel this way🥺
Can someone put the questions and exact times? 🥺 please
How to cope with false memories ROCD; 4:29 How to rekindle the feeling of love 10:59 How do you deal with anxiety surrounding what other people say about your partner or the relationship 17:41 Couldn’t get 4 or 5 I’m sorry
does anyone get thoughts after having sex with ur partner such as “ur using her, all u want is sex, u dont love love her”
I constantly question my relationship, and my brain is always saying “you dont love her” despite no triggers. I think the relationship IS the trigger. Is this ROCD or me just simply falling out of love?
Go look into her video “did I fall out of love with my partner” she explains about how people can fall in love and out of love so many times in a relationship. This really helped me in the beginning of my rocd. Btw quick little advice for you, just don’t try figuring out if this is rocd or not. It just causes more stress for you. I have done the same and it lead me to obsessing about it for months and to high anxiety and depression. I’m fine now. Hopefully that video helps you out. #youarenotalone
@@sweet_nerds73 thank you!
@@xxthehuskycaboosexx no problem. I hope it helped you!
@@sweet_nerds73 how did you do to be fine now?
@@johannac.8363 well mostly I wrote down my thoughts and feelings down on a google document. So whenever I felt anxious by that I would pull out my phone and wrote it down. Then by the end of the week I would review them. Idk in some way after a few days I would slowly lose the grasp on those dark thoughts because reading them seem so silly. Hopefully this works for you. Also try not to be hard on yourself from this, it did take me a while. And if you want try distracting yourself on something you like to do. I did that when I’ve felt so depressed. I hope this helps you!
#YANA
Please help...i'm in a long distance relationship since 4 years. Every thing was perfect we lived eachother i can't even explain how much I loved him I cried I prayed just to be with him...I use to care a lot but now I feel like I don't love him and one day i'll need to breakup 😭😭😭😭this is not the thing which i wanted in my prayers 😭😭😭 I just want myself back..today is 6june and i am experiencing it since May 16....even on 14 everything was right...a day later idk why I had a thought that I don't love him...the thought stayed in my mind and I felt anxious and I thought I should assure myself...I thought checking the profile of his ex would give me jealousy and then it would be a proof that i love him..my mind was like you need to feel jealous now otherwise u dont love him😭😭😭...all of a sudden he started working too and now we talk rarely..maybe due to this constant thinking I feel like I really don't love him..I want him I want to love him for the rest of my life but I'm scared that our love our relationship will end soon cz its getting hard to take my relationship like this...i'm afraid what if my feelings won't be back how will i regain my love😭😭😭😭
i’m going through the same thing. please help:((
@@lilynorris5230 it's all okay now you'll be fine . I'm still with him and I'm so happy
@@pragyatripathi4046 i’m so scared😭
@@pragyatripathi4046 it’s still going for me? is this normal? why is this cycle lasting so long
Can you help me?? I been feeling like this for a week it sucks cuz i was so in love with her in the beginning
yana
Anyone have false memories of your partner?
happened to me!
My partner is polyamorous which complicates everything lmao
Then don't have a partner who cheats?
YANA❤
YANA