Why Narcissist MUST Sacrifice YOU to False Self
Narcissist always prefers false self to you and always ends up sacrificing you to the false self. Why is that?
As I have been saying for well over a decade, the narcissist’s false self is a primitive savage parental deity that demands and expects human sacrifice, starting with the narcissist’s true self.
Narcissism is, therefore, a private missionary religion: the narcissist attempts to convert others into his/her creed and then sacrifice them to the insatiable, voracious shared fantasy around the false self.
The false self is a parental figure, it is how a child views his/her parents: godlike, infallible, omnipotent, omniscient. At the beginning of the shared fantasy, the narcissist converts you into a maternal figure.
This creates competition (dissonance) between you and the false self (same happens in therapy). One of you has to go. Since the narcissist identifies him/herself with the false self (there is no real, constellated self), he sacrifices you.
This process is one of the main engines of the attempted reenactment of the failed early childhood separation-individuation which leads to devaluation and discard.
But having discarded you, the narcissist still remains stuck with your maternal introject (persecutory object) and with his parental false self. The dissonance is never resolved.
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He sacrificed himself for the false self. He will NEVER protect you or stand up for you against the false self.
I would say to my Narcissist at the time.. you never have my back. Now I know why
Yes. Too dangerous.
I’ve moved through that sheet!!
True dat
Moloch, Baal, Beliar.... even parents sacrifice their children to these deities without knowing it.
They all know exactly about the sacrifice
The facts presented by Dr Sam are so clear in this aspect that those who know scripture can see the clear fulfillment of scripture. A child having both parents and both understanding their role is unequivocally important. We can now see the results of single parent families which come about as a result of looking at dating as a sport and or the result of the 'hook-up' culture and the resulting 'reality' that man don't 'need' women and women men. All false godlike and fully expressed in the results seen nowadays.
Nowadays thinking just helps create that dissonance or false self
LIVING IT! CURRENTLY! YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! SURE GOT THAT RIGHT! 😮😢🎉😊
And all this complexity and hurt and pain stems from the act of abusing a child...can we now see that the most overlooked people,children, are the most important and precious to protect bc if not we will all pay the consequences...
Yes. So important to understand.
Amen God help us all
I think the most overlooked people are not innocent children but incompetent parents who should never have children and do so only to fulfill their self-aggrandising needs.
Some children are just spoilt brats and feel entitled. Add the fact that weren’t hugged enough creates the possibility of NPD
Abused or spoiled
This answers so many confusing phases of my past 12 years, until finally no contact with the narcissist-scociopath- pathological liar ex partner and ex friend. What a relief to hear this education on the truth! ❤
They are dangerous shape shifters. Congratulations on your no contact. Stay safe😊
The ex once said to me in the most eerie way 'My soul needs yours' I knew in the way he looked to the floor when he said it & by the tone in his voice he didnt mean it in a romantic sense.... I got the most cold shiver down my spine that day when he said that because i knew he wasnt right in the head anyway... It wasn't his soul that needed mine like he made out, he didn't have a soul of his own he just needed someone's soul fullstop I think 🤔
Full stop!! Mine said "your soul is mine, forever" multiple times. Deeper than his voice, wicked sneer smile, unblinking cold hard stare, and I swear his eyes were something else's, totally black. (They are actually blue.) Scared me to death every time. I thought I was hallucinating about the eyes but I've read many, many comments on these videos saying the same thing. Chills me to the bone just thinking about it.
Same, mine said: you will give your soul to me...
@@QuiteContrary14 the eyes!
It is an example of what Sam describes and it’s so true; it’s healing to know we are not the only ones
Mine would say "let me have you, Bri, all of you" and "let me in, Bri"! He shot himself in front of me and convinced a scary amount of people that i was plotting to kill him and make it look like suicide. I get harassed still and hes been gone since October 2020. Shortly before he pulled the trigger he was in my face yelling "let me in"! The last words he spoke to me... "You make me wanna die". I was 85 lbs at that point and he was pissed his favorite supply refused to be broken like a horse. I felt like i was looking into the pits of hell in his eyes. Watched his green eyes go more black than ever before. It felt like any glimmer of light in him that might have been there died before he shot the gun. It was really like a demon dragged him to hell and took over.
I truly believe you are the foremost voice on this subject. Your work has helped me immensely and I commend you.
Thank you. KZhead clearly disagree.
You are the most intelligent and decades before your pears. Your followers agree 👍 👌
@@samvaknin Do you have any suggested videos for development of the narcissist? How they may mature healthily if at all possible, and what type of cognitive behavioural practices would be most suitable? KZhead makes it hard to search your channel for specifics like this. If there is a way forward, I truly think you are the closest to happening upon it
@@DASRH Search the therapies playlist and the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
@@samvakninpeople who have experienced this madness know otherwise..
I said to my ex narc that he has a bright core energy overshadowed by darkness.. it used to pain me seeing his false self wins
Isn't that the truth?! I have felt that way too. I've never heard anyone say it until you though. I would say to mine, "I'm tired of fighting this invisible force."
Good morning from Alberta , Canada. Wishing everyone peace & healing . Thank you, Dr. Vaknin, for how you help so many.
Thank you baby Thank you 😊
Every single problem we have in this world stems from parenting! I wish we took parenting as a secret act as a species & stopped treating children like pets, means for feeding the ego or God forbid much worse! It makes me sick how such a tiny amount of children are blessed to be raised by decent parents & much less good ones 😢
Even if they are good people might not be good parents bc they are not aware of what they are doing wrong
I simply adore listening to my favourite professor, in fact the only one i do 😂🤗🤗🤗 Professor Sam Vaknin saved me in moments when i was at very dark places in my life, by reading and listening , listening and reading ..Even when i could not focuse sometimes 100% (bcs i had hundreds of thoughts on minute and i felt devastaded) i still put my earplugs just for the voice. It helped so much . So, Thank you Prof Dr Sam Vaknin for all you do for so many pple around! I wish you all good in this world 🙏🙏
Why don’t people search this channel thoroughly before asking questions ? I’ve been following Prof Sam Vaknin since he first started this channel and believe me, he’s covered massive ground and you will find your answers. This channel is gold. I wouldn’t waste his time asking very basic and silly questions. Just search the channel and patiently watch the videos to the very end. Just saying :)
This helps me understand my family dynamics. Thank you.
There is such abuse in the arms (or lack of a truly loving mother ) of the mother ( and perhaps eventually the father ) that the core of the child’s developing self is warped and cannot develop as a “normal” child would. In some cases, the abuse is so horrific that the central core of a child’s developing self is fractured to pieces…and you get severe personality disorders and psychosis/delusions. I’m not s psychologist, but this is what I have read and heard from other psychologists. I’m a retired teacher of 35 years who also has friends in the field of counseling and psychology. The sooner children, who are suffering with severe personality disorders and psychosis/delusions, are identified and treated, the better the outcome. However, there is a prohibition in education against identifying children’s personality disorders etc.at an early age.
I understand your sentiments, but would add that perhaps the underlying issue in child psychiatry and psychology is to pathologize behavior and mentalities that often stem from the abuse (in various forms) of their environment and the authorities over them. Rather than increase the pathologizing of children’s understandable reaction (albeit complicated), we should be aiming to target the pathology of the adults and environments influencing them and infecting them.
I heard an analogy that makes something easier to understand about the brokenness involved with the narcissist and the permanence of the break. Imagine a tree with a Y shape being split open in a storm and is now separated into two trunks but remains standing for years while both sides cover the wound up with new bark. Years later those two halves can never reunite and grow back together as a whole. Never! and to think someone else { quite probably mom } caused this damage. Sad.
Why mum?
He tried and failed because I am mentally strong and never conform to him. I always called his bullying. They're never there when you need them or support you or fight for you or protect you. He told me if i wanted to go get another boyfriend I was free to go and when i looked at him i couldn't believe he said that with no emotions on his face . Because a man who loves you will protect you and fight not losing you but not a narcissist they dont care if you leave as long as youll be available to their needs when they need you to serve them.
I have a twin brother that we share and keep secure everything. I just learned about narcissistic maybe 5 months ago.wow. I'm a metal worker handler. 😎 but he gave me quite a few extremely difficult projects,grade 9 simple crossbow , and years and decade later the mechanism that I thought I discarded would reappear in the top left corner drawer of my tool box s.and only recently that I agreed to move 100s of kilograms of tools Out Of Storage. And assist his son now 20s with all of his metal engineered equipment..it's a Maytrics, labyrinth of lies and dangerous monouvers. If it's yours he will destroy and discard .I was born in 62.lot of experience and you sir Are a breath of fresh air in intelligence. It
Man! That was so deep!!
Dark and Deep
Sam Vaknin never disappoints. Every time I watch a new video, I become convinced that THIS VERY VIDEO IS THE BEST ONE EVER ! How can we ever thank this man for clearly explaining the unexplainable!!!?! Having said that, THIS video IS my favourite Sam Vaknin- video, for real ( and I’ve watched hundreds of them !) Thank You !!!! Thank You !!! THANK YOU !!!!!
Thank you for your pricelles videos. Takes a lot of motivation to speak all alone to a screan, helping someone who you do not know.
This is so very clear and helpful. The narcissist in my life literally said ‘I have to sacrifice you.’ I had no clue what he was talking about at the time, tho this explanation is really very helpful indeed. Especially with the godlike status post-shared fantasy. Your explanation is so very specifically understandable. Why does the narcissist return, though, after devaluation and discard? If the narcissist would please leave me alone, I will leave him (all of them alone) as well. Please, Dr Vaknin, help those of us who desire to be separated from the narcissist to find a way to be left alone by the narcissist entirely! Please
Since January I ' have I been educating myself on this chanel. Some videos I had to watch twice. I am a high school drop out, who studied cultural and social anthropology. I compare the religious(or occult) lifestyle of the narcissist with an evolutionary stage of human consciousness. How to evolve or grow out of this evolutionary stage? Instead of willingly sacrificing our inner child to an abusive "false god" we have to take care and re-parent ourself with love that our own parents couldn't give us. Not accept the known -abuse that as children we couldn't escape from. Easier said than done, but we have lo lead by example. It is about embracing the unknown which is so scary for us. To love we need to have courage, strength, braveness... Thank you Prof. Vaknin!
That’s is some sick shit !!!
Ran through the phone records of the days leading up to my discard searching for answers. So much pain and chaos ensuing in narc spouse. Calls to a bunch of flying monkeys prepping for the smear campaign, call to a divorce attorney, just so much chaos. Meanwhile at the same time I am texting her asking her what she would like for my Costco shopping and if she would like to go to the gym and have a nice light bite to eat and go out for a green tea or coffee, desperately trying to diffuse what I recognized a chaotic time for her during those few days leading up. Discard phase begins with fictitious police department calls to remove me from house which got process started for a restraining order. DCF called the next day for neglect charges on all 3 of my children. Day 56 post discard, I was the one that filed for divorce in order to get into family court ASAP. DCF allegations and restraining order charges dropped and beat. Set up in my new home with 50% temporary custody order. Only cost me $25k so far in legal and new home costs. Thankful for my family and close friends for still being alive. Still living out of a suitcase, Narc holding clothes and personal belongings hostage still.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, no one deserves to be involved with these twisted individuals. I was diagnosed with PTSD from narcissistic abuse.
I was sacrificed to this girl’s fantasy that she was going to adopt the lifestyle of Samantha from Sex and the City.
I have a friend who has experienced both types of abuse you speak of Prof. Sam he was abandoned and rejected by his biological mother and totally spoilt and idealised by his adoptive mother. His adoptive mother solved all his issues did not allow him to take responsibility for anything on any level. Personally my experience with him always returns to a control issue. I don’t let him pay for anything even when he insists (because I can feel the underlying agenda) however he still voices that he pays for everything, which he doesn’t. It is very confusing he ants a relationship however I’m not interested but keeps love bombing etc Your information/education has given me reassurance for what I feel/sense. It’s incredible to watch how he has know true control over the true self and believes he his all knowing totally in control. In your experience can they change? And how? Because it all stems from fear doesn’t it?
My son adopted by us as a baby is now a 27 year old very angry young man, showing narcissistic traits. Always troubled. Now drug addicted. Is there any hope of healing? It’s heartbreaking to think he may never find peace.
Why is he angry with you?
Unless he remembers abuse from his birth mother, his narcissism was most likely caused by you. You're most likely a narcissist yourself or were neglectful. If that's not the cause I'd be more specific about when you adopted him when you're talking about narcissism. Anyway what can you do? First thing would be to stop enabling his narcissism. Like prof Vaknin has said.. the narcissist will never break their delusional until they experience complete narcissistic collapse. You can't make him get better, especially if you're the reason for his disorder to begin with.
Well I did make a reply to your comment, but unfortunately youtube censorship is so ridiculously high it filtered it out. Good luck with your son.
It's very difficult for a child, if it knows, that the biological mother don't want's him. She don't love him, the biological father don't loves him. A child knows: my mother don't want's me. It is pain. He feels pain.
Not a doctor but... mental/behavior disorders and addictive personalities do often run in the family. Might be worth trying to research the birth parents' medical history.
Thank You very much, Professor for your help all people!! God bless You! You are the BEST!!!
This is so good. Excellent analogy
The ways you elevated my understanding of the world are immense, thank you!
Outstanding! thank you Prof Vaknin... your recent videos are top of the tops
this is so informative and insightful, it makes so much sense
Thank you, Professor Vaknin.
Absolutely brilliant. Conclusion made me smile. Probably not meant to be humorous, but illustrates the point perfectly.
So interesting and makes so much sense. This is the closure I never got.
I found myself triangulated with both mommy and his sister. They had a competition going most of their life. Both viewed him as a substitute husband. I should have never wasted so much of my time and life. Didn’t have a name for this until 5 yrs ago when I started watching narc videos. Emotional incest. I caught the sister in a window reflection giving me the once over and evil eye, much like an ex wife would give the new one. They both called incessantly with crisis after crisis that they needed his help with. I think he enjoyed being fought over. The whole damn situation was a toxic dump fire. Glad I finally had the sense to get out…my life was void of love or anything resembling happiness. He claimed he hated how he grew up and yet recreated the very marriage his parents had. Go figure
Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin❤
Mind blowing information, sir.
Well, that explains why I felt like his mother and I even explained the Madonna complex to him. It explains why our relationship shifted from lovers to roommates.
Yes, same thing here. NOT cool!
Hello, from Hungary! Thanks for the information!
Thank you sincerely. This is my wife and I hate my life. I wouldn't be here at this point if not for my child. Everyday gets harder and I have no outs. If I were a woman I would go to a resource center.
Ian a woman they still refuse if yr older than 35 in Ontario Canada 😢
She will make you the bad guy in that child’s mind, blame you for things the child doesn’t get or want right down to the food the child wants… strengthen your relationship with the child everyday and learn all the phrases of childhood development physical and mental try to get books from 1994 and older and watch out for woke nonsense
My 2 mos of silence & refusal to engage the narcissist friend drove her to txt me that the friendship was over when I finally spoke in a happy birthday txt. She was infuriated.😂 Perfect response to further the silence from me. I'm thankful she did it. It's especially amusing since she's a suddenly new follower of Televangelist Osteen. She's a cliche' if nothing else. She turned into a snarling beast after her husband died. She's NEVER been close to a death until he became horribly ill. Her biggest complaint was having to be at his side on her birthday. Her travel plans were disrupted by him. I'm so glad she's out of my life. Just flummoxed by her selfishness.
The Picture of Dorian Grey.
Wow!!! Thank you Dr. Vankin.
Vaknin.
@@samvaknin🎉
one more time explained different to give the chance to finally understand the dynamics deeply.thx.😊
Спасибо, профессор 🔥
You have got to go! All you see is the false-self it's everything you can do not to laugh, it's the most pathetic thing you've ever seen when they muster up this pout, while rolling their eyes up at the same time trying to look to see if they've gained a look of sympathy from you. Then they put their head down (you know like a dog does when you caught it trying to put their face near your food to beg)poor little old me style. You watch them interact like a nice person to everyone they see, after they have been raging against your family, so they can't take you anywhere, because you roll your eyes in contempt now, Everytime. The raging is non-effective in controlling you, so they throw drunkenness into the mix. They're now screaming at you outside in front of the neighbors(sprinkle in some embarrassment in hopes of motivating you)and the police have to come to the house. Still you won't convert back to the sympathetic old-fool willing to give them a million chances because a million and one broke the bank. Now you are blowing their cover. You have to be destroyed. Especially because it's becoming increasingly more apparent you are the problem. They already found someone else willing to play the game. This person will be one of many they hire to take you down. The false-self must live or the narcissist dies- it's a fight for both of your survival. You and the false-self cannot coexist.
מדהים, תודה! 🙏🏻
Hello! Thank you for sharing this. It is absolutely mind warping to conceive that this is the reality through any beings eyes and experience. Professor, how likely is it that an individual who is brazen enough to recruit a community into perpetuating such fantasy and even damaging property/committing crime.....to physically harm the person he has portrayed as the idealized figure?
Search the channel for “flying monkey”.
My ex used to say, " I am God"!
WOW.......Spot on!
Your closing sentence! 😂👍
Oh yeah !
exactly- except, pls., how did it make you feel to hear '..and if you believe that...' is he saying we shouldn't believe that he cares about the viewer? b/c that's how i felt..
Professor do you need a case study? Not me…..my ex partner? 😅 It’s pretty hard for us mere mortals to wrap our heads around - as one question is answered but then that answer invariably leads to another conundrum. I now understand what I was dealing with and have come to terms to it and that there is no hope for him and others like him. And I’m not a quitter. I can email you all the history - going back to his childhood some 38 yrs ago when, I believe the narcissist was created at the age of 4. I don’t need anything for myself - I’ve learned to come to terms with the last 14 years. But, if you want cold hard, unbiased and accurate information for one of your studies I’d be more than willing to go into detail (anonymously for him of course) Thanks for all your help btw……I’m a big believer in hard facts and accurate and up to date information and your videos have been a great help.
eyes wide shut movie is extremely recomemded for cult. make one video on the movie and its madness
An amazing genius a once off.
They convert you in order to sacrifice you to their god.
My narc mother was overbearing and neglectful at the same time
Darn really wish you could have shared with us your thoughts on how we lost the alternative religion to self religion -
I thought this was an old video, because Sam, you look just as you did 10yrs. ago!
I have exited
Prof. Vaknin, if the discarded partner has become a persecutary introject challenging the false self, why does the narcissist re-idealize that same partner a few years down the road? Idealizing someone else to re-enact the shared fantasy is understandable, but re-idealizing who has now become an imaginary enemy seems weird. Wouldn't that amount to disobeying the false-self god?
Search the shared fantasy playlist.
Interesting
They NEVER re idealise. They may hoover you back BUT they NEVER re idealise
A..Gain....ThankYou
Anyone got any good tips for dealing with covert narcissistic mothers when you live with them and you feel yourself just withdrawing and dreading every second
I don’t understand how the devaluation and discard works in a relationship that lasted 25 years or more. Is there a cycle of the shared fantasy until total discard when the relationship totally ends?
Search the channel for self hoovering and negative hoovering.
Hi Vaknin! I have some thoughts why some covert narcissists cannot idealise. They're stuck at the stage of conflict between idealised "mother" and the false self. This can lead to inability to idealise at all. "I wanna love her, but I can't even get in touch with her because the false self restricts me". Can it be true? I'm sorry for my language, cuz I'm russian.
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
@@samvaknin Thank you
What happens if you refuse their fantasy? Ive known for 22 yrs his false self but he completely trapped me. Now hes dicarding for real and im taking it and running very slowly but spending the time reaquinting myself to myself.hardwork .but worth it.
HeyThere
I know the pronouns are interchangeable- but to a female narcissist do you represent her father? Or is a narcissist always trying to separate from mother? Thank you sir great info as always
Search the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
My family nebhour exes , one of this day I ll be gone away from everyone, what is the point of loving who hates you?
Is Narcissism beneficial in terms of Evolution? Why this adaptive mechanism does not go away?
Pathological narcissism is an individual adaptation, not a species-wide evolution.
So the only way a narcissist can overcome you is with a new shared fantasy ? And what happens if the narcissist is never again able to find someone to fall in love ( create a new fantasy )
I think that it’s easy for a false self to find someone.. they are only requiring sex service or supply and have the charisma and lack of empathy to seek it out and get it. Much different than someone who is seeking honesty and real love - an entirely different pursuit- you could call it easy street. They’ll find supply.
if the shared fantasy always ends with discard (which it does), and all interpersonal relationship is a shared fantasy for the narcicist - how come that some narcisists have long term partners?
Search the channel for self hoovering and for island of stability.
Do you have any of your podcasts or audio on Spotify or streaming services?
No.
Ok thank you 😢
What about a narcisisst who stays in a long term relationship and never discards the supply?
Search the channel for self hoovering and for island of stability.
after 25+ yrs i finally found the answer to my x- husbands behavior.
Where can we find the interview you shared?
Search the channel for “Witt”.
Is this dynamic present between children and parents/parent ?
Yes. in all the interpersonal relationships of the narcissist.
What kind of lecture would it have to be?
How much time between the love bombing period and the sacrifice can pass?
Between weeks and decades.
I do not know if you are going to believe my story at ALL--------------- I don't want any advice that's NOT what I am seeking, but, what kind of a Narcissist would an owner of 10 [TEN] Apartment buildings be???? who, had been breaking and entering, for sixteen years? and keeping me prisoner here for more than 5 years, of the total 16 years, ??[[ and I have many witnesses]] AND I ALSO THINK, there might be hidden cameras involved??? I have a red light system for my pains, and I think something has been going on, I am NOT embarrassed because I am 65 years old, BUT THIS REALLY has happened to me, if you could make a future video about this, I would be very happy, to hear it, Thanks anyway for your time. By the way, it has been the Landlord of these buildings doing this, and I don't know who else because there is an Athenian saying ... """ IN THE MYSTERIES EVERYONE IS HAPPY."""....
As in , do not lord it over me
Narcissist is bad in Ohio until they mess with a Christian and get punished. Once they get punished then that’s when you see a change in behavior.
Most eridite rarks
Meant remarks
Erudite
I have two selves. Egomind and Christmind. When I was 19 I lost Christmind and I lived without God the next 19th years till the year 2000. Then I got it back. Now its beginning to work and i am now 62 years old. I identify with God because that way I find myself. When I identify with ego I lose myself. We have two brains too. The left and the right side. Everything in the universe is two. Only God is one. And he knows nothing about all the stupid things we are doing. He is formlessness itself. His mind is abstract. Yahweh I think is a demon. He is not God at all.
WoWZzzzaAaa