Why is it hard to make friends in Germany?
2023 ж. 19 Ақп.
105 525 Рет қаралды
Well we asked the most asked question from you lot, It is true that Germany is ranked as the one of the worst places to integrate, Why do so some foreigners struggle to make friends in Germany more than anywhere in the world?
On the recent survey asked to 14,000 people all across Germany
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I'm German and here's my perspective: Friends are people I fully trust. People I'd give a key to my house when on holidays. I feel like friendship in Germany is a much deeper connection than elsewhere. In the US you might call somebody a friend that you shared a beer with, but that's not enough here. As everything else in Germany, friendship is serious business.
This. I am german and have been working at a hostel for some years. In my personal experience you can get to know many people from around the world very quickly and easily being considered a friend by them, but by nature in a more superficial way. We Germans tend to take more time in building a relation before we would call somebody a friend. It's all about trust and getting to know each other better over time.
As a german, I strongly agree. I think what makes it even harder is, that once you have this bond with your core friend group you are somewhat settled. My friends are like family to me. And because there is only so much spare time, I tend to not look for new friends. (Although being friendly and positive to new people is a given, ofc)
Totally agree. I am a German living in the US and friendships here in general suck. I meet someone and 5 minutes later a person come up and that person I just met will say let me introduce you ti my friend Norbert WTF
„Friendship is serious business“ makes me laugh so much, but it’s tue ✌🏼
@@norbertsebel4003that picture calling you a friend in this situation is so bizarre and so funny 😆
When I lived in Germany I found it easier to make friends than in my home country. The secret in Germany is understanding the inclination to belong to clubs associated with a passion. Many Germans are passionate about a hobby/interest, and they are great at forming clubs to share this interest with others. I joined a tennis club and sang in a choir. The folks I met were very welcoming. And I always spoke German, and accepted help with my German.
If you have to belong to a club in order to make friends, to me it is a clear sign that something is wrong.
@@lipejdc it just takes time for them to warm up to you but once they do and include you, you have friends for life. What better way than sharing common interests and hobbies. At least they're not shallow or invade your privacy like some other nationalities
That is really True!
@@lipejdc Not really. Share common interest, maybe volunteer and you have lots of friends. It works anywhere.
Don't get suckered Germans are not nice at all they just hide it now but they're no different than there forefathers they just have to behave now because it's the present society but if you let them they're still the racist criminals they used to be
for me the problem lies in the definition of "friend" because I think that there are big differences between German and many other cultures as to what a "friend" and what an "acquaintance" is. an acquaintance is someone you know, like, and see occasionally, but who is not part of your inner social group. we germans take our time to find out who REALLY is a friend, who is always there for you when you need him.
You have beaten me to that response... Germans have usually a very small "inner" friend circle, but these friendships then last over decades and around the world. When it comes down to acquaintances, Germans are sometimes quite shy and insecure around foreigners as they "don't want to do anything inappropriate or possibly insulting", so a great way to make acquaintances in Germany is to be outgoing yourself to make 'em Germans feel in a safe place; once the ice is broken you might even get annoyed with their attachment to their "trophy foreigner"
@@paddypleiner5518 This is exactly how I feel! I have so often the feeling I insult someone when I ask "where do you come from" etc. There are so many phrases which sometimes are considered as inappropriate and then I do not know what to say, ending up stutter like an idiot. I can´t speak for all germans but I guess we are not as interculturally savvy as we would like to be.
@@blubb1212Eh what? Its a normal question that indicates interest. People ask each other such things all the time when they meet for the first time. I think it’s very important to question “why do I think or feel x? Is is just me or am I making wrong assumptions?” Sounds like a great idea to work a bit on your cultural skills my friend. And don’t speak English with Ausländer in Germany. The serious ones want to learn German, that’s why they’re there. My German is very rusty but it’s been 30 years since I lived in Germany so that’s ok, I get by and I would never have learned the language if I’d been an entitled idiot acting as if English was the German language. 😂
Und wie willst du jemanden kennenlernen, den du z.B. außerhalb der Arbeit nicht treffen möchtest? Ich habe in verschiedenen Firmen in Deutschland gearbeitet, im Süden wie im Norden, aber keiner hat jemals mit einem Kollegen etwas außerhalb der Arbeit etwas unternommen. Also haben sie sich auch nie richtig kennengelernt und wurden auch nie Freunde. Bei ausländischen Kollegen war das ohne Problem möglich. Z.B. der mexikanische Kollege fragte den portugiesischen Kollegen ob sie zu einem Konzert gehen könnten, was sie dann auch taten und die Grundlage zu einer Freundschaft wurde schon gelegt. Sowas gab's zwischen deutschen Oder deutschen-ausländischen Kollegen nicht (kein Detscher wollte zum Konzert mitgehen).
Every country has this, not just Germany. Friendships are "tiered" everywhere.
I think it's more of a general issue. When I move to another city as a German, it's not easy for me to find good friends either.
Exactly! And the Germans who travel abroad find the people there friendly.
Geht mir leider auch so. Je älter man wird, umso schwieriger wird es.
That's because the Germans don't like ANYONE, including themselves. 😅🤣😂
@@misspeach3755 Das stimmt, allerdings sind deutsche auch sehr reserviert, was es nicht einfacher macht. Klar nicht alle aber die meisten. Dann kommt noch dazu in welcher region man sich befindet.
I would disagree that it´s a general issue, in some countries you get approached for example or people are open to talking with you even on the streets and it can then go from there. IN germany that´s more rare, again depending on where you are. Also the older one gets, the harder.
There is one relatively easy way in that few foreigners seem to know about: Go join a club, a "Verein". There are 600.000 of them in Germany with more than 40 million members, so it's a huge part of German culture, especially when it comes to organizing recreational activities and volunteer work. Sports, music, theater, hiking, charitable work, conservation, fire brigades, disaster relief - there is literally no field Germans don't organize themselves in in a Verein. Of course, it requires the commitment to go to meetings, spend part of your weekends etc. (things the younger generation often shies away from) but it automatically lets you meet like-minded people who appreciate your interest and welcome you in their circle.
I'm from NY and I was able to make a German friend who was studying abroad here. I was invited to Germany that following summer, and it was the best time of my life. My friend is from a small city between Osnabrück and Hengelo (NL), and from my perspective, Germans want to get to know you. I will say that it was easier for me due to being good friends with 'one from the group', when he'd take me to the city parties or at the club everyone flocked to me in excitement. I agree that language can be a barrier. For context, I had taken an academic year of German and could have simple conversations, which made it even easier. When being at the club and trying my best at German, people would literally buy me shots and I kicked off many conversations by just saying "halloooo" - they pick up on the accent and are immediately hooked/intrigued I got to make many German friends from the local area, and I accidentally penetrated various friend groups. This happened in 2019, and today, I still go visit my friend and his mom and stay in close touch with many of the people that I met. I love Germany!!! Germans want to get to know foreigners, learn about a different culture. The key is, being able to put yourself out there, learning some of the language and being excited about the culture!
I‘m from Osnabrück as well :D
"I accidentally penetrated..." 🤨🧐 Had to pause for a second This guy mastered Germany tho
I would confirm your experience. It's just you need some close long contact for the first steps, like studying togehter, doing the same sports whatever. It's the first words, just coming up to somebody and talk, that might be little more complicated/reserved in Germany, or maybe all northern countries. Life does not take place on the streets so you are not so much used to engage with each other regulary. Not that they don't want to, but there is less routine in doing so.
Expats act differently. Befriending German in your country is different, as this person is open and wants to connect with you, doing it in Germany as an expat is different. I’m an expat in Germany since 5 years. Mostly nice people, but didn’t manage to have a close friend. And I lived for 1 year in Washington DC. So I have some international experience as well. Just a comment, no harsh reply or anything else
i think you missed the point.
I am from Kiel in the north and here people are more quiet and reserved. I think this often gets perceived as "cold" or "this person doesnt want to meet people outside of their friend group" but on the inside we are very warm and like to make friends. We are just shy up here :D
Awww bless you. Hugs from England
I'm in the middle to south of Germany and it's not very different here. 😂
Imo Northern Germans are very similar to the British being reserved and shy, so the British are easily able to become friends with Northern Germans
@@jackundmarija20VA4 I have lived in scotland for a year and everyone was super chatty. I loved it 😁 dont know how it is in the rest of the UK
@@laurensadler3363 Hugs? From England?🤭
Because you suspect you're getting on other people's nerves? You make friends when you both realise that you have common interests. You don't have to come from far away to have no friends, you can do that even if you're a local.
The German culture has the tendences to be a bit sceptical and distant with new people and things. You need to approach people more to get their attention. But this did not mean the people are cold, Germans are also very warm and friendly and you can make very good new friends here, it just takes a bit more effort.
this comment is spot on :)
It's Germans who don't make effort in return...
Germans don’t want to be friends with foreigners, they don’t really like you
Totally not interested
In general, Germans are a bit closed.
Well, I think the lady who said that Germans tend to keep work and „inner circle of friends”/“folks to spend spare time with” separate, nailed one of the major reasons. Then, Germans tend to work during work times and spend little or no time socialising at work - so it will be very difficult to know each other more privately by that. (I also found it very telling that especially the Lady from the US mentioned this - this must be one of the major differences between US-American and German working place culture. We Germans do have a life outside work - it’s just _outside work_ … 😂 ) Which means: after a certain age, it can be very hard to find friends when one is relocating, even for Germans. Another reason is that ppl tend to stay the evenings at home more often at a certain age, and on the other hand it takes some time for us to invite others there… I guess that as a Nation, we are a bit fussy when it comes to personal relationships… It’s easier once you have kids especially in daycare/kindergarden, and then ebbs off a bit again. As for the elderly Lady (about my own age, I guess 😅), talking about Germans walking with and talking to “Asian girls” - I could not help but wonder whether all these girls were actually Asian looking Germans… 😂 (Please excuse the inside joke…) Once more, a very interesting video.
Why should you make friends with Germans in Germany? You don't have to! You can find people from other nationalities and make friends with them! Don't make it hard!
Stimmt es gibt genug Türken, Albaner, Taliban, Libanesen, Syrer usw. usw.
True!!
True. Who are they? By experience they are very anxious and unhappy
It's even difficult if you are not a foreigner. Somehow my friend group was shrinking every year. People just live too far away and are too busy. I had a great experience with meeting people through an app and made great irl friends that way. A lot of people are looking for friends, I was surprised.
Which app? 😅
@sabrinaw.4565 there is bumble bff, meetup, spontacts...pick and choose
Same question: which app… 😂
@Izanuela22 see my answer above. There are various. Try bumble bff for example.
OMG please don't tell me it was Tinder...
Your videos are fantastic bro, keep it going with the good work😎✨ greetings from Brazil🇧🇷
I moved to Germany 10 months ago. I have tried several times to reach out and make new friends. Part of it is me. I will take it only so far, and if I sense the person isn't meeting me half way in the effort, I stop. I do appreciate how friendship is viewed as a deeper relationship than just a mere acquaintance here. I also will make more effort. ❤️🇩🇪
It's hard for older people, period. In any country, everyone's closest friends are usually from when they were children. To make friends, you have to see them often, so you join a club or Verein or hobby group where others share your interests. What else is there - neighbors, if you're lucky; colleagues, maybe; do something where you help others, like teaching a language; but be prepared to invest a bit of time. And don't tell me that in other countries you become friends with random acquaintances at a snap of a finger.
Come to Serbia and you'll see. In Germany you can be as nice as you want, but it often remains at "man sieht sich" (See you again, maybe)
@@egyptianhibiscus9203 Good for you!👍
totally agree with you! I've been in Spain for the past 24 years. It was easy to make friends with the Spanish at University because I speak Spanish. I've been in Seville for the past 2 years as a 50 year old. I haven't made any Spanish friends here. it's just sometimes harder as you get older.
@@meatmoneymilkmonogamyequal5583 Are you part of the foreign community then? I know that expats living in Munich all flock together in those associations (one is InterNations and I wouldn't be surprised if they had a chapter in Seville) while complaining about a lack of German friends 😜
I believe it's not just a German thing, it's also hard in other cultures to find real friendship as a foreigner.
Yes, absolutely. Also it depends on one's way of socialising, which can vary from culture to culture.
Depends strongly on the country. Africa and Asia very easy,.... the northern part of Europe, very difficult.
Visit Balkans and you'll see
Go to Spain. I did so many friends there. Lovely, generous people.
@@kandelika2902 I know people who have gone to Spain and found it hard to make friends, and people who have gone and find it easy. Whether it is easy can also depend on luck and on various other factors.
Yo! Thank you for these videos. I’m moving up to Germany from the U.S. I’m a German citizen, but I grew up in nyc/Miami. This is very helpful.
First! 🤣 I am from Germany and I really enjoy your videos because I like your openness towards other people and culture(s) and I find it really interesting to get a foreigner’s perspective on this country! All the best to you!
Nöö biste nicht lol DEPPERLE
aww danke!. We love getting Germans also ;)
dude just tell me how the fuck i can learn this language because i was coming here but because of language i have to go to canada mate it fuckin hurts i love germany
You're a fantastic presenter. Even when you make a mistake you keep it in and it works. Well done mate!
Some honesty coming up: 1. I think Germans are kind of stressed most of the time, dealing with their jobs and what have you. I myself would never be open to start some friendship with a foreigner without any context, like working at the same place, taking the same class etc. I feel like I have little time one my own as it is, and I'm just not available for anything else. 2. On top of #1, Germans are just generally speaking more reclusive. We keep to ourselves and are more introvert and even a little autistic. I did have some international friends while at uni, and myself actually lived outside of Germany for 15 years, so I do know how Germans differ from other people. Germans rarely have a strong national identity, but it is funny how few Germans move outside their own country. French people, I guess almost everyone really is much more up and about than us. I met a guy in Shanghai who was there for only four weeks. But he told me how he regretted coming, and that he'd never come back to China. He basically sat in his hotel room waiting out his time. Another group of Germans I talked to at the university couldn't tell me one thing they liked about China. I know it sounds insane, and it's weird because Germans aren't really aware how much they need their native surroundings, but boy, they so do. 3. This is bad: me personally I am seriously unhappy about the migration situation in Germany. From crime statistics, it seems like there is really loads of serious crimes being committed by Arabs and Afghans since 2015, and so generally speaking, I don't feel disposed to be super welcoming anymore. I first need my government to guarantee the safety of everyone living here. If they cannot do that while letting in people from wherever, then I am against more foreigners coming to Germany. I don't like that, it'd be way better to be more open, but two gang-rapes per day when we basically didn't use to have anything like gang-rape back in the 80s, let's say, is utterly inacceptable. I generally like anybody coming to Germany, but our government must make sure that crime does not follow as a result. Seems simple in principle. Germany has three times as high a rape rate as Poland. Sweden even 5 times as high. Completely unbearable. If we can make Germany safe again for everybody, I'll be happy about more immigration. But first this sh!t needs to stop, period.
again, another video i watched. and man, i am so indrigued, you are so wow. how can a young brit be so positive about us.
If you think Germany is hard, try Switzerland. 😅
That's really the topic of our life's here in Germany. 😂 I have probably friends from at least 10 different countries but not a single German, I'm not joking. I noticed that Germans are mostly friends with other Germans and I have absolutely no clue why. They are certainly socially awkward to a very high degree. You can sometimes really see how stressed they are during social interactions 😂😂
There's no smoke without fire
because they are insular
Because other cultures are mostly superficial. Status, symbols and kinda nonsense.
I have to say that I think you could replicate what you said for very many cultures. I have heard people say exactly what you are saying for Italy, Spain and England. So this makes me think it is not something to do with Germany per se, but with being in a foreign country. People's main friends in their own country are usually compatriots.
Unfortunately that is the reality 👌
Love reading the commentsection under every video! Im learning new stuff about my country everytime!
Well...I used to live in Germany and I found that at some point I MOSTLY had friends who were fellow expats but I don't blame Germans for that. I have had similar issues in other countries and I think the reason is that locals already have their build up friends circles and just don't need any more social contacts. Especially if they have lived in the area for their whole life up there among a small group of people they know well. People are more willing to try to find new contacts if they are new to an area and don't know many people as it is the case with expats.
Exactly. I lived abroad for some time and I made friends with other Germans and foreign people, but hardly with the locals. Like you said they have already established their own circle of friends. It is the same in every country.Also they think it is not worth the effort because most foreigners will move away after a year or two.
the exact same thing happened to me except at a much smaller scale, when it was a brand new school i moved to
I am german. When you move into another city because if work for example, it is nearly impossible to find new friends. No matter where you come from. I moved here five years ago. I got along with some colleagues very well, we even meet outside work sometimes and I would call them friends. But out of five people three already moved away… because of a new job. Obviously the pandemic didn’t make things easier, but even before it was hard. The people with kids never have any time, everyone works full time, there are rare occasions to meet new people and the colleagues change often. Now I have a daughter and am meeting other parents. Maybe a friendship can form with one of them…but it is still hard to develop a real friendship when you never have the time to hang out…everyone is always working and busy…
Ja so ist das. Leider raubt uns unsere Politik und die wirtschaftliche Entwicklung unseren Charakter.
In the United States it's much the same. Works splits up families and friends and sends them all over the nation. I do have two close friends within about an hour's drive away from me, but because of conflicting works schedules we only get together once or twice a year. Worse yet, it occurred to me that I knew colleagues at work much better than my own mother at the time of her death five years ago. That's depressing.
i would so much like to see more street videos with you talking german to germans. i think you would be surprised how open and not rude they are. they love you, especially, they never expect brits are so posive towards us. hugs.
My perspective, having lived in a few different countries, is that it is often hard full stop to make friends wherever you live. It might be easier in Germany compared to some other countries and harder in Germany compared to some yet other countries... I used to live in Italy. I also found it hard to make friends there, but easier than in Germany, but that is in large part because of the context I found myself in in Italy.
What makes a sound person think, moving to a country and trying to get by on broken school English is going to do the trick lol ? It is absolute key to learn the language to take full advantage of that experience. Nothing to do with Germany really, you can move to Greece or Spain but never truly build long lasting genuine friendships with locals and be part of the culture because there's more to friendship than just ordering a beer and saying 'Dankeschön' and 'guten Tag', most of these ppl who seem to have English as their 2nd language won't even be able to express themselves fully in English so you have to make an effort
For me I feel comfortable living here, cause no one would care or simply talk, which I'm happy. Because being an introvert, talking to a stranger is least priority. but I talk only if someone approaches to me. I know a bit deutsch, cause I'm studying as part of my masters in Darmstadt. Start of with Shopkeepers, go to Döner shops, Aldi, try ordering things in Deutsch I regularly buy food at mensa, say hallo, order your food in german, get it and say vielen Dank oder Danke oder dankeschön. also say Tschüss. I once went to campus connect, I met new people there, I started introducing myself in German, they were really surprised just because it's been a month, I quickly observed and adapted. They saw my efforts in integrating with the culture, thus I was able to talk better. that's how I gained contacts
I think, there are multiple reasons. The first one is the language barrier. I would never expect to make friends easily in a foreign country, if I cannot communicate in the endogenous language. I have been to multiple different european countries and in general people are nice and welcoming and a lot of them can speak english sufficiently - as many germans (including myself) do. But to exchange thoughts, ideas and feelings easily and regularly and with a sufficient depth to generate a friendship, that is usually not enough. So, making friends in countries with a more widespread language is generally easier for more people. There is also a bias involved: If you get older, it generally gets more difficult to make new friends and people tend to move to other countries as adults. There are other factors, which can mostly be summarized as cultural. One obstacle is, where friendships tend to be generated. There is a tendency to keep a distance to coworkers in germany, whilst a lot of potentially closer social life (except for personal bubbles) takes place in clubs which are related to hobbies and if you do not join such a club and play an active role there, you have a disadvantage. Also, smalltalk and relationships without depth are less normal than it seems to be the case in some other countries. Therefore there might actually (typically) be a higher treshold. Making a new friend tends to be quite a big commitment in germany. There are other potential obstacles. Germans are often described as brutally honest. If you come from a culture, where it is more common to suggarcoat stuff - especially if you like somebody and want to be friends - it tends to be difficult to make friends with people who rather act on the premise, that the more honest you are, the more you qualify as a friend. Of cause, those factors are just tendencies and obviously there are many additional nuances to the friends-problem.
exactly.
Very good explanation! It make us to understand better the German mentality of this way it becomes easier to understand the Germans!
100% true. There's no better way to put it.
On point.
Although I find, by experience, that the topos / Stereotype of our ,,German directness" can be easily misunderstood. Because it can be understood as one should say what you contentwise wanna say, with disregard for everything else. That can be misunderstood as being extremely rude. Especially, when limited to text (so that a mothertongue doesn't notice the struggle. I experienced such a situation in a nerdy forum some weeks ago. The anglophonic natives German was good enough to have basic communication, but the lack of filler words and common phrases, in combination with the too literal interpretation of german directness. That unfortunately led to be commonly misunderstood as being rude, whilst he thought he'd be doing something good for integration. Kinda sad, actually. I guess it's the art of being honest whilst remaining polite, what can be hard in a culture, one isn't familiar with.
I think it’s just more difficult to make friends anywhere, especially if you are adult. There are so many movie choices, book genre, religions, sports, the chances that you will find someone with at least 50% of matching interests is very low.. and even if you do, other things should match too, like background, character, mentality, you should connect and understand each other on some deeper level to become friends in my opinion.. and it’s just as rare as finding love! For 30 years in my home country i made only one rock solid friend. I have another friend also, but I’m more like an acquaintance to her nowadays due to different locations, lifestyles etc..
Es ist auch regional sehr unterschiedlich. Und auch im Ausland ist es schwierig "echte" Freunde zu finden, in manchen nahezu unmöglich. Engagiere Dich in Vereinen oder Institutionen und du bist dabei. Ich glaube es gibt es nicht mehr so wie es dargestellt wird.
Genau
Ich kann aus der schweizer Perspektive sprechen. Es ist wirklich nicht einfach hier und viele Menschen wollen einfach keine neuen Leute kennen lernen.
@@nikoaktas-vx9pdich glaube es ist oft weniger das wollen als das können. Es geht oftmals einfach nicht über einen gewissen Grad hinaus.
It's difficult to make friends everywhere. When I settled in Montana 25 years ago in my thirties, it took me years to make a few close friends. All of them are Montana natives and it took a while to become accustomed to the culture here even though I am American. While people here in Montana are very friendly and polite to strangers, being accepted into a friend group is quite a different story. Expecting to move to Germany from a foreign country and quickly make good friends with the locals is absurd. You must speak the language fluently, learn the culture, and then meet people with whom you have things in common. I know a couple of foreigners who live in my community, and they have had an incredibly difficult time being accepted because they are not American.
Mentalities like these is what make you a disgrace of human, dont set rules for everywhere. Some countries aren't as close minded as you are. Of course everywhere you have to make effort, but that does depend on the locals openness as well. So its not all about foreigners.
It is not difficult to make friends in the Balkans. Visit Serbia, Bosnia, everyone will chat with you and invite you to their home for a meal.
@@egyptianhibiscus9203 But maybe in some cultures that doesn't count as being a friend. Rather it means you can make acquaintances easily and a friend is deeper than that.
@@bernardwilliamss Well friends with big F, everyone has only few in life. But making friends is easier than in Germany. Germans will talk to you about anything and then tell you, ok, see you sometime again, maybe.
@@egyptianhibiscus9203 Again, that might not be considered a friend in some senses, but rather an acquaintance. So your claim is that making acquaintances is easier in the Balkans than in Germany.
for extroverts who are into music, the best places to meet people: are at Parties, nightclubs (subculture) bars/clubs, Irish pubs, festivals, concerts, and through apps for introverts: book clubs, sports clubs, board games, Facebook groups, meetup(app) by going on hikes, music schools, church, etc...
I find it very hard to make new friends in Germany. In 10 years I only made one. When I lived in the Netherlands as a foreigner it was much easier. The friends I made in NL during that time I still have even though I lived in DE for 10 years. I moved to DE when I was 32 and I moved for my job. I do speak German with an accent.
as the person who lives in German for 7 months I must say that I have tried to make friends with Germans, they seem to be nice and friendly to you but ones they see no value in you, they don't want to hang out. In my culture, the value of people of other nationalities doesn't really matter (I mean such things how much money you have and what can you get from this friendship). We are curious about different culture and their traditions, we want to know about them and share our values. I don't feel this here, I feel that they are self-centered and superior towards others. Just, they will never tell that in your face. Sorry, I didn't want to be mean, I just share my experience.
I've been to Hungary and we had so many students from Scandinavian and German countries, and they are exactly how you describe them. Selfish, stand offish arrogant abrupt and rude.
Thts corect even in they dont show IT theyer way of comportament gives u some ideas
I swear this is so accurate These people will always look for a reason and benefits to become friends with you And that shows that they still live in old times I have lived in Germany for 10 years and it is torture I have become like a robot
@@gospelfighter6548 Man, I feel so sorry. This is just a proof of my observation. Considering this and even the fact of selfish politics (building up own economy by feeding the monster while that one was already making wars) makes me fell like not willing to stay here and support their economy.
All that german influence here in the US is probably why it's also difficult to make true friends here
I can only speak for myself, but when in Australia someone called me a friend and invited me to come over to his house whenever I like, he would be usually surprised if you do. In Germany, if you consider someone a friend and invite him to come to your house, you are planning on visiting each other. Someone I meet at work or at a bar, I would not consider a friend unless we were drinking and having fun together at least once or twice. I would generalize, it is easy to connect to people some way or another in every country, but becoming friends might be more challenging in Germany, at least if you translate "friends" more like "close friends".
It would be very rude, insulting and stuff, if you wouldn't come over when you were invited. I had this experience and quit immediately to speak to them anymore. I was preparing and stuff and they are just superficial. Most of foreigners are.
@@SchmulKrieger That's it. It is a sign of disrespect, if you're invited and you don't show up. I would go even a little bit further, including being on time. If I have an appointment, I'll do everything to be on time and if I can't make it, I'll send a message and I expect a message from the other person too, if they can't make it. I'm not talking about 5 minutes or so, but if it's more than 20 minutes and the late person shows up with words like "Are you waiting long already?" instead of bringing a good excuse, then I'm out of this relationship. It's disrespectful and unreliable.
You simply have to join a church choir, brass band, sports club, carnival club, firefighters or whatever other club with shared interests there is. It's not optional. :-) Probably easier outside larger cities, but this is the way.
I think it's cultural shift! The old Germany like from the 80s and 90s it was much easier to make friends! The Germany of today is much more reserved and less social. People are afraid of strangers more
Hey bruz! Pls make more videos
It´s hard because they "don´t have time" (that happens in other Western countries too) for friendship. Foreigners who don´t speak the language well are seen as a burden. The only exception is if you are a native English speaker. They will be willing to spend time with you to improve their English. So the inteviewer is lucky :)
True
🙁
😅. True
I agree with the native English speaker part. Basically, if you have something to offer, the Germans may hang out with you sometimes. For example, if you can help them with their homework or if they are interested in learning your language, or they want to date you. It's very benefit oriented and calculated. Sad truth.
@@polarbear986 That´s exactly what I meant. Of course, I don´t mean every single German and it´s something that could also happen to you in other countries .:)
About to find out. But hope they are friendly!!!
Shocking…German is the main spoken language in Germany 😇 I don’t get why people move abroad, don’t bother to learn at least the basics of the language and then complain about how difficult it is in society and making friends. Why even move then? Embarrassing. Remaining in an entitled English speaking “expat bubble” is a recipe for not making friends. Germans; try to learn English but for your own necessity and fun. Ausländer aren’t helpless children who can’t adapt. The serious ones want to learn German. Ausländer; try to learn at least basic German. Friendship is a relative term. If you think of friends as your pub gang on Fridays…look for those people. Most Germans (and many others) prefer closer friends and that trust takes a long time. Joining some German speaking only activities is one way. There’s many ways. Small talk is key. Yes, Germans do small talk if you make the effort. In German. Many foreigners don’t seem to get that locals are as busy as they are, they might have kids, a long commute to work, their own issues. It took me a year to learn German and speaking only German is how I did it. It’s decades ago now and my german is very rusty now but I get by.
I agree, nobody should move to Germany, there are much better, warmer and more welcoming places to move to with more to do and better career options. 👍
@@aikighost Yey Aiki, please go to an english speaking country. Why even bother to learn a new language. You could learn a new mindset.
@@Durhandoni80 Agreed, after all I'm only in Germany to extract maximum profit then go home. So don't worry about me I will leave soon enough, as the German government destroy what's left of its economy 🤣
@@aikighost to lazy to learn a language, but getting maximum profit? In what cleaning the toilets?
@@Durhandoni80 lol, I can smell the butthurt, I work in a large international tech office, English is the office language about 20% of our local staff are German. I get paid extra for moving to Germany on contract, when the contract is over I will move elsewhere depending on where they need me or if I can get a better contract with a different company. EDIT: Also you think cleaning offices/toilets is for Lazy people? I consider that delusional, custodial staff work hard for not very much money its just showing your internal biases that you consider them somehow beneath you.
I think big part of the reason is where you live in Germany. In Berlin we aren't as interested in expats as they are usually just here for not long enough to make it worthwhile. It's why they mostly stay friends with other expats. It makes sense. Long term friendship is the goal for more Germans. However if you're an immigrant here for the long haul, then let's get to know each other! 🙂
Especially in rural areas it is really hard, often almoste impossible, to make any friends. In bigger cities, especially cities with many migrants and/or students, its quite easy.
The whole migration debate ist getting more and more complex and toxic. But watching your videos makes me wanna warmly welcome foreigners! :)
I think it’s a universal thing that making friends in school is easy but it gets more difficult once you’re working. Most of my current friends I met back in college. And I’m from the US!
very true irrespective of country culture
not universal, in south america you can easily make friends, and even get into a relationship. Here even speaking german they will not include you. Too much individualism
It depends if you’re in the north, south, east or west. In Cologne it’s quite easy for example.
There are differences when it comes to "make friends". It strongly depends on WHERE in Germany you are. In Bavaria (Munich) it is much harder compared to lets say Hesse (Rhein-Main Area). The northern regions (Hamburg etc.) are also pretty reserved, even to other germans =)
It‘s harder in Germany because people tend keep on distance. I got my friends as a friend after knowing them for years. That’s a pretty low process of earning trust. But at the end you can rely on them.
Hallo .. you are so great .. i am 59 years old work with children and older people from other countries . The younger generation speak very well english the older germans often dont want to talk english . Mach weiter super Kanal .
It really depends on where you live in Germany. I come from a northern German city and now live in a smaller town in North Rhine-Westphalia. I would say in big cities people are much more open. At least in Bremen you can make small talk on the street without being perceived as strange, meet for coffee or any other activity without being seen as "indecent". Friendships or casual acquaintances can easily develop from this, if not, then still nothing is lost. I don't get very far with this relative openness where I live now, unfortunately. It is probably necessary to organize in association or other groups to overcome this hurdle first. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I didn't speak the language well. Here in the countryside i was looked at suspiciously because of my north german accent. My conclusion is that some Germans make life difficult for themselves and others with their distrust and distance.
Couldn’t agree more with you 👍 I’m a German ( from Munich) living in the US SINCE 20 years , my daughter is thinking about living in Germany for a little while, so she is researching…😉
as a german i find it hard to find friends in germany
If you think Germany is difficult try Switzerland 🥺
ich denke es hat eher was mit dem Alter und nicht mit dem Land zu tun. Die Anzahl der Freunde verringert sich auch mit zunehmendem Alter und reduziert sich irgendwann auf null, wenn sich alles nur noch auf den Partner und/oder die Kinder/Enkel konzentriert.
In the US we don't make a distinction between the terms 'friend' and 'acquaintance' although we have these words. So everyone here is a classified as a friend but with different degrees of closeness. In Germany the distinction is well defined.
That actually sums it up pretty well! Interesting to see that people who come from countries where English is not the native language, many speak English. But in countries where English is the native / official language, these people rarely speak other languages! Apart from bilingual education of course.
Of course because English is the Lingua Franca, so people in non Anglophone countries will learn to speak English. If you're a native speaker then the motivation to learn another language isn't as keen.
Y’all gotta move from Munich 🤣🤣🤣
I think is depends to who people you met. I usually didn't say hi to stranger, i was avoid to talking with stranger, im not convinient as well. So if i saw someone on the street and we're facing each others. I just throw smile to them.
I think it's up to you, and how much German you know. My problem is the language barrier, people want to talk to me all the time but my German is so bad😅 Also, I'm really bad at small talk, whereas my husband has made some friends even though his German is worse than mine. He's very friendly, he always finds someone to chat with wherever we go 🙂
Yes, it is hard to make new friends, nobody has waited for you. That is exactly why I joined different clubs, sports, groupes to find new friends in the city I moved to. It will take time an afford and I need to be proactive about it. I’m a German, by the way.
Friendship is just one of those illusions we all cherish. Let me quote Hermann Hesse: Seltsam, im Nebel zu wandern! Einsam ist jeder Busch und Stein, Kein Baum sieht den andern, Jeder ist allein. Voll von Freunden war mir die Welt, Als noch mein Leben licht war; Nun, da der Nebel fällt, Ist keiner mehr sichtbar. Wahrlich, keiner ist weise, Der nicht das Dunkel kennt, Das unentrinnbar und leise Von allen ihn trennt. Seltsam, im Nebel zu wandern! Leben ist Einsamsein. Kein Mensch kennt den andern, Jeder ist allein.
One importend thing to my mind is that we are really open regarding other cultures and appreciate having them here but we love our own traditions and expect that foreigners respect them too or even share them with us.
I totally agree with this older people from Germany. It's an individual thing. For me as a German, where I live it's easier to get in touch with foreigners than with Germans. Maybe I'm very interested in cultural differences. But I'm shy and childish near to handsome women. And no one is interested into my personality :D:P
Freunde und Bekannte! Ein riesengroßer Unterschied :D
I had the same experience in Munich as the woman from South Korea. And I come from Northern Germany. She described it very well at the beginning of the video. I've often heard from Munich that they like to keep to themselves in their bubble and that seems to be true. With German work colleagues there is an impenetrable wall and it was only possible to do something outside of work with non-German colleagues.
Friends of mine from Hamburg also experienced this in Munich.
As a foreign student in Germany from Asia I usually find that foreigners and germans with migrant backgrounds (so germans with turkish/middle east/western asian backgrounds) friendlier and more approachable. I find asian-germans and asians in germany more reserved just like the germans. But I never experienced discrimination and I'm pretty sure it's because I can speak german.
"But I never experienced discrimination and I'm pretty sure it's because I can speak german." - BINGO!
In my last residential area, foreigners never want to have anything to do with Germans and sometimes they slammed the door in my face, although I was always friendly and nice to them!
It depends. I guess there are people who just speak English as a group, if there is anybody around who doesn't understand German. But if there are people around who don't speak English and others who don't speak German, it is hard to balance that. I've had a friend who couldn't speak English at all and after he lost his job, he decided to visit an English course for 3 months. Did I mention it was in New York City? Very crazy to not understand any word and then just moving to NYC for 3 months, just to learn the language :D
İ think what the older men said is right. It's often quite hard for the ppl here to get into a new group of friends. I don't think it's because sb is a foreigner or not I think it's just the culture it's generally more hard to make friends but often as soon you are a friend the quality of friendships is a lot higher in general. In many other countries its quite easy to get some peers so to many foreigners it seems its hard to make friends as foreigners in Germany. I am half German half Asian
Not just for foreigners.. I'm German and I have a lot of trouble making friends now that I'm out of university and I'm not living in the area I grew up in anymore.
This problem is universal, not just Germany, it’s pretty much the same all over the world. Expats have difficult time finding friends. There are casual acquaintances for sure, but friends? It’s much harder
Language might not be the reason (e.g. the Dutch are also known to be fluent in english, yet many foreigners find it hard to break into their social circle), but perhaps due to the "cold" culture of northern Europeans to have close-knit and small circle of "true friends", maybe as a result of climate/geography or historical reasons which affected how their society evolved.
"Language might not be the reason (e.g. the Dutch are also known to be fluent in english)" - since when English is the official language in The Netherlands? And if you think you can get along in Germany with English, just forget it. You will leave after 1 year.
I had great interactions with the dutch and deep conversations as well, within 30mins...Try that in germany.
Everybody a) has only a limited sample size and b) is constantly getting older, which changes the "problem" in any culture. So if you were in country X in your 20s and move to country Y in your 30s, guess what, it's going to be harder - also because you're 30, have different expectations, life circumstances and standards. While I agree that the Germans can be quirky and reserved, which is something to navigate properly, I would say a very big aspect to this is how you communicate, what you put out. The older I get, the less I get approached in any country, because youth seems to be a factor for the ease of connecting. You see that in the friendly couple(?)'s response, they're open and young, go partying and have no problem connecting whatsoever.
7:35 so true, Munich is not Berlin.
I am german myself, but already spoke english and French too while being at school, i am 77 years young. My german father and latvian mother always invited foreigners my sister or i met. We travelled a lot ourselves and despite the lost 2nd world war and having had nothing i still have friends all over the world and since35 year's a wee cottage in beautiful co donegal, eire, where i am called a local. I believe that when judging a country and its people you need to visit first all the german counties with all their different traditions, dialects, before asking foreigners who mostly stay for a short time in the country about friendliness and getting new friends. And then you choose the freistaat bavaria for your interviews, which is so different to the other german cos in germany. The variety of cos is so big in this country. And everybody has a different mentality. There is prussia and bavaria, hamburg very cool, the ruhrgebiet very open minded, etc. With all different traditions, and then you can ask foreigners who easily can afford to be in germany with a lot of govermental support (students) ,euro train tickets, etc I am happy as a photographer that i never had to do selfies and could use my old camera for all my travelling. And at my place on the hill of the winds friends come from all over Europe, new zealand, japan, etc. I don't want to tell you what you should do, but it would be lovely on a smaller shedule with mote detailed questions. Nevertheless thanks for your video
Although there were people from various countries interviewed, they only mentioned reasons that make it difficult to make friends as an expat in general. Those reasons mainly originated from living in a foreign culture with people speaking a foreign language around them. The persons interviewed did't mention any reasons specific to making friends with Germans - in fact, no feature of the behaviour or thinking of Germans was addressed. Thus, most of the content of this video would be applicable to making friends in a foreign country in general.
Mejor ser amigo con gente como uno 😊 españoles- italianos - portugueses - Sur de America todo de habla hispana y portugués somos todos amables y amigables. Para que dificultarse la vida - trate de hacerme amiga de una alemana y la tipa de la nada me atacó porque el tipo que estaba con ella en un bar no se la levantó y me culpo a mi de la nada 😇😅- son directos y de una forma agresiva si no les caes bien o obedece a sus órdenes - ni le contesté y ni la vi nunca más - para que hacerme problemas💕✌️ ☮️ 💕❤️
I'm leaving in lower Bavaria for 25 years, but I go never alone to an event, could be that nobody speaks with me. But if I'm at least 1 other person, ppl are noticing that we are nice together u are now open and friendly. On the other hand they are all very busy with familiy and friends. And women are reluctant to invite someone to their house, if it could be a problem with their husband.
It's not being a foreigner having problems making friends in Germany. I am a German from the western part of Germany and moved in the 80th to the South West of Germany. They looked at me as if I was a foreigner. It was almost impossible to make friends there too. Germany is a Federalist country where every state has its own traditions, dialect and way to live. You find a huge difference between north west east and south Germany. In real Germany is not a united country only when the football team is playing.
We know why its like this
@@iliepetcan1736 let me know why it is like this?
My experience making friends in Germany was different. I went to school with a German exchange student in the US and during the summer met her best friend who was also an exchange student in another state and came to visit. After they went back to Germany I visited them in Potsdam. They took me to parties and it was so easy to make friends! People were friendly, fun and welcoming. We were in our early 20s in 2003. Maybe it was a different time. There were people calling the house who I didn’t know but who had heard that I was in town and wanted to invite me to events, parties, etc.. I’m only now realizing at 42 years old that my experience was unusual!
"down here, it is hard" 😂i see what you did there
I have lived in DE for about 4 years now and i have noticed that German people tend to make friends with germans too. They could say hi, hello tschuss on d street or playground but there is always a wall. It' hard to open up their ideas, emotions or feelings , mybe bcoz they have trust issues or so to other auslander. Either they wud opt to have small group of friends since they were in grade school. Apart from that, language barrier, culture differences coz some doesnt speak english fluently or for asian people like me. We wud lpve to have chitchat with other but some wud not choose to mingle with other nationalities. I hope that they wud b more open and friendlier so people wud be more entice to live here longer.
Painful experience 😢
Try to make friends in France by speaking english there :)
The good thing is that France has a larger pool of French speakers globally (both natives and learners); hence, I don't understand the comparison. Some of the French are also much more open to strangers in the big and some not-so-big cities compared with Germans in my opinion. By the way, most of the French I know was not from my French classes, but through conversations with native French speakers who were kind enough to teach me even when it was inconvenient. I can't say the same for my efforts trying to learn German.
@@tosina6641 I didn't want to compare anything, I tried to express my astonishment about the expectation (most often by english speaking people) to make friends in any country without speaking the local language. I did it with an smile :) and: Have a nice day.
@@berulan8463 Oh I missed the joke😊! Sincere apologies for that!
@@tosina6641 yeah in africa maybe. French is basically irrelevant in europe compared to german, so it's stupid comparing the two languages.
@@thepretorian5292 I refuse to honour you with a response for using the word ‘stupid’ in a conversation that was clearly not directed at you. Some of you Germans need to learn to have constructive discussions devoid of aggression! Always playing the defensive card online and this is why nothing changes because you never learn. It is only a matter of time before you are forced to…life often has a way!
On making friends , germany seems like japan , but without all the strong politeness in daily life. Maybe austria and Switzerland is even more smiliar to japan People make friends only if you know their deeper social connection. And therefore it takes time. People take friendship really to a deeper meaning and need a lot of prove and evidence in a local working culture. But i dunno about making friends because of specific interests. In japan there is a lot of focus on if you like something in particular you always do like in a hobby group online it may work.
Germanic people make a distinction between friends and acquaintances. Friendship goes way deeper and takes longer to build. Many of us also are reluctant to speak english, fearing making mistakes and having a funny accent. They also are afraid about coming off rude or to invade your personal space. A certain reluctance and polite distance are typical traits. Thus is is easier to socialize in international context or in places where English is spoken by default. It is also hard to talk with someone with a heavy foreign accent and limited command of the language. German is a very precise language. Even if the person tries to talk German, we need to constantly "translate" and would want to correct you, but don't because we don't want to come of condescending.
I had been living in Berlin for 2 years. And I couldn't find any local friends. Italians, French and Polish were more open to me. Germans looks for me like introverts and either in relationships they can't open their souls. However, I once met a couple of girls from some village, spend with them the evening just spoke and drank beer, and they were not like a common Germans, too happy, smiling, giggling. I miss that in Germany. In Germany I had miss that, because in Russia all girls like these. Also, West Germans looks quite selfish for me.
Just my two cents: I think it would be cool if folks tried picking up the LOCAL dialect along with Hochdeutsch. Getting the hang of the local sense of humor, digging into the local history, and stuff like that could make the connection way better, right? I've only been to Germany as a tourist from Greece, and I enjoyed the experience. On their part, German tourists in Athens or on the Greek islands are super chill and easy to chat with.
let me explain to the end why it is up to you. Every life science has problems with other life beings. If you react differently to people 1 on 1 in their environment, it is special, different, strange, frightening. If you communicate with animals, you also have to adapt to them if you want to be understood. And the Swede who says at 7.39 in the conservative south it's harder points to the other point. It helps if the opponent is also open.😉
What l have experienced as a Greek in Germany the people they help a lot. If you do something good for a German he doesn’t forget it (personal experience).
In Germany, friendship is a deep feeling and a great sign of trust. It's not for nothing that there are "acquaintances", "colleagues", "buddies" and "friends". I trust a friend with my house and my family, and I get up at 2 a.m. and drive hundreds of kilometers for a friend. You have to earn this title of “friend”, it takes time.
Living in New Zealand, I enjoy talking within an international discord group with a couple of German guys. I like their sense of humour, like other European countries.
First of all, you have to define the word "friend". You have good colleagues with whom you go out for a beer, you have acquaintances to whom you perhaps also tell something private from time to time, and then you have friends with whom you go through all situations in life, both good and bad. The friends in life you can usually count on one hand. Friends for life are usually found in childhood and adolescence. Of course, the lack of the national language is a barrier. But it always depends on myself whether I can easily make friends or not. I don't give people a second chance if I think "what an ass" within the first few minutes of meeting them. At work I also have to interact with some people I actually don't like very much. In leisure activities, of course, I avoid them. There are people who can find good acquaintances immediately in any country without proper language skills. It is simply their nature, character and appearance that makes them instantly likeable. And in the same way, there are people who have great difficulty making contacts, including Germans, of course.
Very interessting to see this. I, as a german, am slightly suprised, because I'm often times under the impression, that foreigners don't want to connect with germans, but rather prefer to stay among themselves
Genau DAS tun sie auch.
I find in a lot of EU countries everyone is very worried about strangers. Random interactions with strangers who could become your friends doesn't really happen unless you are both on the booze.
Yes, even in the U.S. if I'm in a group of strangers in a social setting where drinks are being served I make an outcast of myself when it's found out that i do not drink alcohol. They treat me like I'm some kind of spy or something then😀
In the USA people have a completely different understanding of friendship than in the EU.
For me as a german, its hard to find the free time to have social contacts in general. I think i work to much.
4:28 shes so sweet
Beautiful, chill and extremely sweet, girls like this make you have hope for the world.
If you think you can just pop into a new country, not know the language or not speak it fluently enough so as to NOT bore the native speakers and then wonder why the nationals don't look at you as if you were the next best thing to stroll down die strasse, la rue, la calle or the street, foreget it! It takes time and you have to learn the language of the country you're in. But that's the fun part! I've done it many times!
Language is not enough... We live in times where people are superficial and give their time only if they get something in return
True but not any different from any time before really in our lifetimes.
This is not true, i have seen internationals with high german skills and they can't create any bonding in here. The roots of the problem are much more complex
I think generally Germans are a bit more reserved than Britons and romanic people (French, Italian, Spanish, Romanians, ...). Starting from Baden-Württemberg going north on the western side of the country I've perceived several times that people are opening up more easily the further north you go. Swabians and people in the south of Baden are quite similar to the Swiss regarding being reserved. This is true for interaction not only with foreigners but with Germans from other parts of the country too. However I would recommend to never stop trying because after all Germans aren't homogeneous at all as far as being approachable is concerned. And even if some of us might appear looking grumpy they could brighten up surprisingly quickly when being asked or talked to.
Thanks for putting it so elegantly…grumpy 😂