My Stay-At-Home Husband Says I'm The Only One With Money Problems
2019 ж. 26 Қаз.
499 914 Рет қаралды
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This call made me go to the other room and thank my husband for always making me feel like he is all about “we” and “ours” and not “me” and “mine”
Amen sista
❤💖❤
Sir We Are About to Die Wrong. You’re just crazy, so you’re projecting your insecurities on my situation.
Does he have a single brother? 😁
Nomad's Homestead lol sadly, no!! Haha
A house divided cannot stand.
So true, Dave explains better than a marriage counselor
True, my ex said I was the one with problems when I suggested we go to marriage counseling. He said "I'll let you go to counseling".
Yeah. She should start trying some side-hustles too. If he's taking care of the house and kids, she should be supporting him in the manner that he was accustomed to living before they had kids.
chris widney If a man is a stay at home dad he is far from the leader. Lol
True. Her husband being a SAHD is not the issue. They are not on the same page-it's bound to fail.
This guy is 30, has no meaningful career (hence the random side hustles), and isn’t seeing marriage as a team sport. Dangerous waters ahead.
He probably put his career aside to have time to raise his kids. Many women do this. It's great that he's raising the kids instead of a day care.
"isn't seeing marriage as a team sport"????? Ah, like, he is home with two babies. I've never heard of a SAHM having "random side hustles" with two babies. So for the record, being a SAHD is no "meaningful career", but being a SAHM is a meaningful career? SAHMs get a free pass, I guess, right? Gee, I wonder why?
@@Jake-go8pz " I've never heard of a SAHM having "random side hustles" with two babies." Really? I've seen facebook plastered with them doing this; all the pampered chef parties, etc. Plenty of SAHM put in time in the evenings or weekends for extra income. Strange that you are not aware of it.
@Mr. Fluorocarb I said probably. I live in silicon valley I know women that make 170,000 dollars a year. I don't think it is below a man, with his wife's blessing , to raise the kids. People on the comment section are somewhat sexist because they assume that a stay at home dad is a loser. Just because he stays home doesn't mean he doesn't get a say. If my girlfriend/wife is carelessly spending money, I'm going to tell her.
@coptic777 apparently so.
Of course she is the only one with financial problems. He has no financial problems as long as she keeps putting food on his table.
@coptic777 I agree but it is obvious that she is in the hole and the guy is not helping at all.
@@rodrigofernandez9055 the guy has the more important full time job: raising the kids. How come when a father raises children it's something he is supposed to do, but when it's mothers doing it it's applauded and celebrated? This man is doing his fair share being a full time parent. People on the comment post are shaming a man who just doing the same thing that a stay at home mom would do. As far as money goes, if she is the only main income, she controls all the spending, so if financial problems arrives she is the strongest numerator the crisis.Because a stay at home parent usually has zero to little income,the spouse, even if he is male, should have a say in finances and should be able to stay home with his wife's approval.
@coptic777 You can call our age whatever you like, and it will not make men and women in their inherent drives and abilities.
Exactly. He needs to step up
@Drk RE Buddy, how is a man's masculinity is in question when it comes to raising kids? I think a man who can set aside ego for the better good , is a greater man than a so call" alpha." Some men aren't able to make high income or the cost of him going to work are greater than him staying at home. Young children require 24/7 care.
She's crying. Obviously, pain in that marriage.
Yes, "crying" = Female Blackmail to a male.
@@Jake-go8pz agreed
I know. So sad. She was so happy when she got connected too. 👌🏻
@@Jake-go8pz ah yes because expressing a reasonable emotional reaction to living in a broken marriage totally equates to emotional blackmail/manipulation. Spoken like a man with the emotional intelligence of a bag of potatoes.
coptic777 coptic777 how is a complete role reversal “equality”??? See this is why people treat grown men like children. They take ideas to the extreme, “ If I can’t be the lord and master of my home and treat my kids like property, then I will do and give nothing... cause... isn’t that what women do?”
🥺 my heart broke when she got quiet after Dave asked if there were other things going on in their marriage
Dumb b
@wowalinbie I don't hear her complaining but I do hear her pain caused by his disrespect!
@@greekgirl9897 shut up stop trying to sugar coat it. Either way shes complaining.
Have to be smart and patient who u chose as ur LIFE partner
She indeed was on the edge... Pray she is well now.
I met a girl and we started getting more serious, I told her that I'd like you to go through FPU with me because even though she's an engineer and has great income, she was up to her eyeballs with credit cards, a very expensive car, and student loans. I had already been through and she knew I was different. I said look this is super important to me, and if we're gonna go further with this, I need for you to see why. She said well I make way more money than you so I'll handle my money and you handle yours. I'm like nah, we're done, I'm sorry
I thought she was gonna say she’s a doctor or someone making 100k +, not 60k teaching. They don’t make enough to have one stay at home spouse.
Especially living in California
Yeah. That is definitely a concern. She also stumbled over her answers pretty badly. I know she was nervous but she should have been prepared for some of those. 🤷😄
Yeah, I mean maybe if it's a low cost of living area, they inherited something for a downpayment on a house, and they're working as a team to be extremely frugal. Problem is they aren't working as a team at all. That's crazy, how can you be a stay at home spouse and not see yourself as one financial unit with the working spouse? You literally depend on them for money. It's weird enough when it's a dual earner home with separate finances, this isn't going to work at all.
“He’s a stay at home dad.” That long pause 😂
I died 😂😂😂
Speechless!!!!
🙈😅☠
This woman is absolutely foolish!
I'm wondering if this guy feels like a loser since he isn't working and is tearing her down to build himself up. Maybe he needs to go back to work and they should find day care for the kids.
Exactly!
I was married to a guy just like that. He couldn’t handle the fact that made 4x his salary. I picked a great degree and he did not. I never once told him how to handle money. He was so bitter over our income and resentful. We got divorced
EXACTLY what I was thinking
Thats a good point, but I wonder if he actually worked before they got married as well
@ Frankie’s Mom - tell me you didn’t have to pay alimony to him. After all, you said he couldn’t handle you making 4x his salary. Surely he’d resent receiving alimony, I hope.
the dude just replaced his mommy with a wife lol
iphoneusdsd i could never date a man child
Im jealous
There are some stay at home dads who were very successful in their careers and choose to stay home. My brothers girlfriend’s dad made over $500k a year for like 12 years and made really great investments and has a net worth of $12mil. He stopped working because it was affecting his health and the wife was completely fine with it. They’ve been married for 23 years and they’re extremely happy. They made God and family the foundation of their marriage. Also, he fixes things around the house, starts projects, cooks, cleans, etc.
RecklessLechuza im sure you can tell the difference between these stories, but thanks for speaking about your brother’s potential in laws. Im sure you’re hoping to be in their will 😂
Duffle27 I can, I’m just saying some stay at home dads have it good. And naw I won’t be in their will, good joke though. Idk why you have to come at me when I’m just sharing lol. Internet is such a toxic place.
Sounds like she is about to break down at the end. She obviously knows the truth, she is just in denial. Hope it works out.
It's not likely.
I hope she gathers enough strength and get him in line.
@@cecemoon1208 she knew he was when she married him, cant change him now.
There are far deeper issues in their marriage. Beyond financials.
Hope she leaves l, you mean
My ex-husband treated me the same way - according to him, I was the one with the problems, not him. It was more like a dictatorship than a marriage. That is why he is now my ex. I wish Rachel the best of luck. My heart broke for her today.
Same here that's a burden and embarrassment no woman should carry
@@terranesha5784 Exactly!! It’s so liberating to not be in a relationship like that anymore
She doesn’t need a marriage counselor. People who allow this kind of dysfunction has psychological issues with themself. Low self esteem and lack of self awareness is why people get into relationships with the wrong person in the first place
@@rdb0819 agreed 👏🏾
My ex husband too
Lol. Wow. Quit paying the electric bill and he will figure out quickly "we" have a money problem
Seriously
Facts 😂😂😂😂
EXACTLY !!!
Amen🙏🏽
Can't do that with kids
Nothing wrong with a stay at home parent. You just can't be a stay at home parent and not be a team player. If it's her debt it's also her car, her house, her food, her everything.
Amen. This is a great comment.
Not true for the men. 1 Tim 5:8 - if anyone does not provide for HIS relatives, and especially for members of HIS household, HE has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
This show helps me stay on track to financial freedom. Everybody around me spends all their money and doesn't save money. I make an honest effort to save money every single time I get a paycheck. People close to me are starting to behave indifferent towards me because they're noticing the wealth slowly accumulating. They think I got lucky. All I did was save a small amount of money every time I got paid and it adds up.
They are acting different, because they know your business. Keep your finances to yourself...unless you're dealing with upward bound folks, that have more than you, and can advise you!
@@MsMaxinejoy True, I just think it's sad to know that most people in this world would rather hate on you and attack you than be happy for your success and let that serve to motivate them.
@@cashboy7406 I found that most "friends" rather have handouts, than be motivated to do better. Better to keep your business to Self. Just point them to Dave. I am talking from experience.
@@MsMaxinejoy Yeahh aightt
@@MsMaxinejoy you are sooo right. My dad taught me from a very young age, to never let people know how much money you have. It's none of their business anyway.
She hooked her wagon up to the wrong horse!
Well the it's time to unharness if a bunch of giddy-ups aren't doing the trick. However, how old are the kids? Would he make enough to cover childcare expenses and still make a profit?
🤣🤣🤣
Or more exactly, he hitched his wagon to her star.
@@Vydioit might be healthier for him to go back to work regardless. It is very possible he spends his time doing unhealthy things all day long.
I can never picture myself as a stay home husband/dad and leave my wife struggling by herself outside to bring us food to the table.
If she's making tons of money, why not?
but that's what women do to the men all the time and we call that equality
Women do that to men all the time, so why not... They want to be equal so that's a way, now she is complaining about having money problems... I don't complain about my wife been at home taking care of our kids..
After me and my fiancé had my son, I took a 4 month maternity leave (my allotted time from my job, and then all of my saved vacation time). I made about $30k more than he did at that time. He had a child from a previous relationship and his daughter was 3 at the time. (They broke up while she was pregnant, and I met him during her pregnancy. They agreed to keep the child and have a great coparenting relationship). Because he and my step daughters mother worked full time, my step daughter was in daycare full time. They had roughly 60/40 custody, and because he made more we paid for daycare as well as gave her $100 a week towards child support. Anyway, due to the costs of having both children in daycare full time it worked out better for all of us for him to stay home with his kids during the day, leaving his career. We all agreed that having the kids home building a strong bond with their father was a better option than daycare. It still works out great for all of us! He really is super dad! We would be fine financially with him staying home. We have everything we need and we’re not struggling. However, after about 6 months of him spending the majority of his time with his kids or being around other parents and kids he did feel like he was starting to miss out on non child focused adult interaction. So, he got a part time job in tech that he loves. And now he works 16-20 hours a week and makes more then he did when he worked full time. His part time income goes 4 places (not all equal) college funds for each child (2), retirement fund, and our annual vacation.
@@vycka1234 60k isn't even a lot of money...
I wonder if she was pregnant and that's why they got married. Sounds like a struggle love situation. He could easily do Lyft once she comes home from work and still be home before the kids bedtime.
Ikr!
I’m thinking she was getting older and settled, not saying she’s old at all (I had my daughter at 31). Just sounds like she figured oh well I want a family and this guy will do.
late921 or maybe she was in love and moved off emotions and didn’t think about the future. Thinking having children will make him change and become better, but only crippling herself because now he can get alimony from her for being the stay at home dad. She’s stuck with him unfortunately.
HEAT LIFER cheaper to keep er, errrrrrrr HIM Lol Or maybe--JESUS Who knows?
@@late921 it’s sad!! I think maybe a pregnancy made this marriage happen. She doesn’t have happy heart goes out
She carried his children, she carries the finances, she carries the burden of debt, and he has some 'side hustles.' This call broke my heart. I hope they sort through this, but, otherwise, I hope she gets out moves on and remains successful in life. Hugs to the caller.
I feel bad for her. But come on don’t be stupid. You don’t have to marry a banker but at least a man who respects you and the fact you earn the money
@@richardramfire3971 The irony she’s only earning 60k.
"They" aren't going to work through this. He's not going to do anything except keep sitting on the couch until she leaves.
There’s no such thing as a “side hustle” unless the person has a real job on the “front.” He’s a bum, living off her.
He is the stay at home parent. It is a job no matter who does it.
@@Galworld761then she should have been able to answer why he is staying at home with the kids and not working. She should have been able to clearly answer that quickly. She didn't, we can only assume that is because she doesn't know why he is doing it.
I have an uncle that literally stays at home ALL day, watching TV, and hasn’t worked a day in his life... What’s the result? An unfulfilling life.
Where does he get the money to not work & stay home?
@@HamiltonRb Take a guess ;)
🚮 uncle has serious issues.
@@kerry1111111 Welfare
Based on who's opinion? Your Money - Your Life!
It’s fascinating how many of these calls are never about money
stay at home dad... dave had steam coming out of his ears
Nico M because he’s older than her and 🚮🚮🚮
Not necessarily. She stated they had 2 small babies, if there is no extended family to help care for them one person needs to stay home and care for them. Feminists should be just fine with this as we supposedly live in a world of equality, don't we?
@@braxxian I'm fine with him being a at-home parent. What I am not fine with is his ridiculous view of money and finance.
@@braxxian Could not agree more.
Nothing wrong with a SAHD.. she probably has a more stable career than him
I would never say something like this to my wife. The wife and I think the same. We don’t blame each other for the debt we have. We work as a team to get rid of it. Not even two years married.
Roberto Ibarra well that’s why. Only two years married. If you are still like this at 15 years married then my hat goes off to you.
Yea married but we been together 8 years all together. I feel 1 year or 15 years of marriage you still don’t blame your spouse.
@@pfeiffdog0811 We've been married 37 years and we're still that way. We are completely out of debt and our house is paid off. We did it together.
That’s the goal. Congrats Jim hope I can be where you are in life soon
You have a successful marriage. This caller doesn’t
If I went on a date with a guy and he told me he “side hustles” for a living that would be my cue to end the date.
Good for him, he does not need a gold digger
Exactly N B!!!
I see your point, but on the same paige some side hustles can grow into million dollar business.
Edge HODL if I went on a date with NB I'd just tell her I was a ceo, get laid and never call her back lol
😂
This guy is selling food....the food that she buys. Wow
No he uses _THEIR_ budget to buy groceries to create food that he can sell with a surcharge.
I don't know what selling food means. We need more information.
I make a great salary and never required anything from my husband. I paid for everything including world wide vacations. He complained that I did not make enough money even though he did not have a job! I'm so sorry.
Are you still married? Seems ungrateful imo.
Yep my ex was supposedly a stay at home dad I paid everything, vacations you name it. He cost me a fortune. The divorce cost 500k and I’m so happy to be rid of him.
Dave: “how old are you two?” Her: “I turned 31 today” Dave: doesn’t say happy birthday
That might seem disingenuous, i.e. "Today is my birthday and I'm miserable and suffering.." "Oh, happy birthday!"
Sell the birthday
His job is financial advice, not catering to people's feelings
She needs to quit being so timid, get a backbone, set some goals , ask him if he wants to be in the boat or start swimming on his own !!!You go girl !!!
She may have been abused as a kid. That can affect you for life
@@popculturecommentary1192 or what if she was attacked by a shark! that would be scary. or maybe she was held at gunpoint during the call!! the world may never know..
He could just tell her to leave
@@johnengland8619 leave the house she’s paying for?
He is a stay at home dad is a cover for his pride. She is in a difficult situation. Two babies and a non-working husband. It doesn't usually get any better. And a man with no manly instincts (to lead) isn't good for a winning marriage. He married her, made babies and abandoned her. Should have asked if her mom helps with their kids. I bet she does.
Is he even a dad? It says stay at home husband as in unemployed.
Abandoned...That’s a good word to sum up this situation . One sadly I also happen to be in
I guess the reason Dave hired Dr. John was because even he realized that the Dave Ramsey show had gradually turned into the Dr. Phil show
A lot of people don't care if they succeed financially as long as they can have their toy's.
That’s a good way to put it.
Sounds like some of my family. I have two half brothers, same dad but different mom, and they live like that. Their mom won a few thousand dollars at the Casino and instead of using that money to replace their van that was becoming too costly to keep running they decided to go on a 10 day vacation to Orlando and stay in $300+ per night hotels. Their reasoning was that they would probably never see money like that again so they might as well have fun with it.
@@TheCobruhAlienat0r They keep acting like children in a candy store and they're right they will never see money like that again.
Yep, and these are the same Seniors that complain all the time "But I'm on a fixed income"!! FFS.... You had a lifetime, 40-45 years, to save and plan for your retirement, but you always had a new car, got that boat, took the expensive vacations, Rolex watches, bought the most expensive clothes. You got your toys, and now you want to complain until you die.
Jake Some people don’t see that as being worth it. I question it too from time to time, I think most people do. Dave always uses the example of “when you’re 75 you’ll have X million dollars.” Well who cares when you’re 75? You can’t do anything with it then but pass it down, which statistically inherited wealth only lasts 2 generations. Everything is a balance. Dave speaks from someone who has a $30mil net worth. You also have to remember he didn’t get wealthy by investing, saving, or buying real estate - he got wealthy selling us books. So his advice to us of “work your whole life and save money so you’ll be a millionaire at 75” doesn’t apply to himself. Doesn’t mean he’s wrong, just that most of us will never see the kind of wealth he has. So a 30x millionaire telling Bob and Sally to save their whole life so when they’re 75 they can give it away doesn’t resonate with most people. It’s understandable.
They need counseling. The husband sounds like he's using her.
Counseling won't work. She's already on her own in financial counseling. He won't go to marriage counseling either. Even if she actually got him to go, he would likely either not say anything or he'd blame her. If the money problem is all hers according to him then so would the marriage problems.
@@wordivore The counsellor could get him past that. Marriage counsellors are use to people blaming other people etc. They work with it every day. It's literally their job to handle situations like these. Do you think this is worse than what they usually see? I really doubt it.
Divorce is what they need. He’s 🚮
It sounds like he is abusive and wants power and control. Marriage counseling does not work on abusive situations. Usually, the abusive partner can convince the counselor or the well meaning helpful person that they are working on it or there is some other reason for their problem. And in CA she will have to pay alimony tot him if they divorce.
Pam why she needs to get in therapy and divorce him while she still has a chance to find a better partner!
"He's a stay at home dad..." The dead silence from Dave there is classic. She needs a divorce lawyer, not FPU.
TeKnoVKNG23 why don’t we tell men who work to divorce their SAHM wives who bring nothing financial to the marriage?
@coptic777 None of that even makes sense. Learn basic grammar.
@coptic777 Deflecting from what? I suggested she get a divorce lawyer because it's pretty clear this marriage is on the rocks and her husband doesn't respect her. Marriage counseling isn't going to fix it. I would have said the same thing if it were a man calling about his stay at home wife. It's just common sense, and this is why people shouldn't get married if they aren't on the same page. You're looking for something that isn't there...
TeKnoVKNG23 you really don’t understand. a man cant divorce his stay at home wife if he can’t afford child support + alimony + a second mortgage to replace the house his wife takes from him plus at least £45k in lawyers fees. If he cant afford those things he will loose his driving license and will end up in prison where he will be beaten up by other inmates. If you all the things I listed then you can see why divorce isn’t a viable option. If the wife divorced you then you will end up in the situation I described and these nothing you can do about it
Hyperinflation I know Pre nups can help prevent some of this? Not all, but some.
Why didn’t Dave tell her Happy Birthday when she said “I turned 31 today”?
If it was me, dude would be a stay-at-home EX-husband.
For sure. I waited too long to get rid of mine.
Sounds like they have bigger issues and there’s way more to this story. She’s embarrassed to admit that he’s unemployed and doesn’t have a “real” job. Doesn’t want to admit that he’s doing side hustles which probably aren’t doing very well because if they were she probably would’ve just said he’s self-employed. She said a stay at home dad at the moment which makes me believe that wasn’t planned. He knows they have money issues and he may be the cause of them but he’s not ready to admit that!
He is with two babies. He has his hands full. I applaud him getting side gigs. Never, ever heard a SAHM with side gigs with two babies. Probably were not expecting two. Sounds like no relatives close by to help. On the negative side for the guy, just like a woman, it says something if you are not seriously looking at daycare. If daycare for two is a wash with his regular job/career, then that says something about what he was doing before the births. Daycare for two would be about ~$1500-$2000 a month.
He's using her as a meal ticket.
@@mysticaltyger2009 Any different from a SAHM? Are they too using the husband as a meal ticket? Juuuust curious.
@@mysticaltyger2009 just like all those lazy stay at home mums also using their partner as a meal ticket?
@@Jake-go8pzmost men I know wouldn't want to take care of any babies. That's cool if that's what they want to do but I didn't hear any clarity like that in her answers.
I love how Dave talks about marriage. He has it correct! I love how he addresses the spouse that isn't a true partner in life.
Anyone who makes that kinda comment has some man card issues. The fact that she did not bring up that he is a stay at home dad makes me feel like she’s not making a big deal about being a bread winner. They are going to get a divorce if he doesn’t change his attitude
He resents her because she makes more money than him that’s why he belittles her like that .
It breaks my heart to listen to her. She's struggling in more areas than money. It seems like she's trying to improve her family life but has zero cooperation from the husband :(
She should have married him
I could feel this situation for her is an open wound constantly bleeding......if he does not open his eyes soon this marriage will end up in divorce....there is hurt now and hurt after too.
And she will pay spousal and child support for evvvvvvver in California 🙄 Yeah women pay spousal support too!
Based on what during the 7 minute conversation. She never stated what the money problems were, how bad they are, or what he has done wrong. She was completely vague on the issue. Dave just beat up the husband for not agreeing. We never heard the issues.
@Jake Do the math. Her take home pay is 48k and he only has unstable hustles as income. Who do you think pays the majority, if not all of the bills? I'm surprised the marriage lasted this long.
@@_maya_jackson I was just going to say the same thing, he's taking the woman's position of leverage in divorce almost like he's daring her to do it
@coptic777 Why are you all through the comment section if you dont listen anymore?? And she definitely tried to belittle him with the side hustle comment. But him saying he doesn't have money problems when they are already married is still a copout. You do become one in marriage. Unless they divorce, it's his problem too. If not financially contributing then by encouragement and turning those kids into the best adults he possibly can. At the end of the day the WHOLE household is BOTH their responsibility. Maybe she wanted to be the SAHM then he up and quit his job?? Maybe she didn't want that type of "equality". Maybe he says he'll help then gets frustrated and tells "her forget it you're the one with money problems, not me"
What was his JOB / CAREER B.E.F.O.R.E. the stay at home gig ? WHY didn't Dave ask this ??
Yeah I'm a little confused that he started saying all that stuff before asking any other questions.
@Mary Gibilisco really ? Lol
Because it doesn't matter for the call. He's not here to dig up gossip and create a melodrama show, he's here to help them move forward. Remember the parts when he said he did not want to be a wedge between her and her husband?
Street corner hustle was before stay at home gig
What a mess. Makes me so grateful to have the husband I've got, thank god for my good man.
I was a stay at home mom and we realized quickly that we could not afford it. So to not pay a babysitter I worked in the evenings it was tough but we survived and we were always honest with the money this is a shame. Hubby sounds lazy and immature
That was a big sacrifice for you both to work opposite of your spouse. Good for you. 🙌🙌🙌
I would like to point out that there is nothing wrong with a “stay at home dad” generally if that is how they want to structure their family. It is just this situation that is a problem
Agreed. I know a woman who is a doctor and her husband stays home with the kids. He works part time from home, just to keep him a little busy, but he loves staying home with the kids and renovating their house. They do fine financially and that’s how they’ve decided to run their household. If they’ve decided on it as a couple, and it works for both of them psychologically and financially, then there’s no issue with it.
Yes there is, wtf?! As a man, you need to get off your lazy ass and go find a job so you can help PROVIDE for the family. As a man, we are supposed to be PROVIDERS and PROTECTORS, not a slob on the couch watching First Take.
I completely agree with Dave! This episode truly made me respect Dave even more! :)
Sounds like this girl is being taken for a ride...
Based on what? Because he does not think they have money problems? She makes $60K, as a teacher, she has every summer off, all holidays, and healthcare. They appear to have the basics covered, but she never said what the "money problems" were, only that he did not want to go to financial counseling.
you'll never say that to a man working full time while wife stays at home.
Josar Gor you’re right. I wouldn’t.
coptic777 you mad bro?
coptic777 no snow flake. More people don’t want to get married because women don’t want to be your mommy.
As of 2015, women are 38% of the breadwinners in married households. In 1970 this was 7%. I appreciate that Dave doesn't diagnose the guy being home as the problem. It's the fact that they need to be on the same page. Also, that guy needs to step up like other stay at home parents and clean, work on the house, run errands, budget, and purchase cheap and effective supplies. Not to mention being extremely active with the kids. It's not an easy job if done right.
I’ve been here, if he doesn’t come to the table, this will spiral until there is nothing left
It’s a Lust Situationship. She got pregnant & he stayed. The food hustle is really him selling EBT.. He probably just burns all day & sells a little weed. Since he makes no real income, he see’s the money problem as her problem. A literal Man-Child. The guy could at least get a min. wage job.✌🏽
Old dude living the dream waking up at 11, eating breakfast and then smoking a j
Yow. I had a bf who did that.
If that’s the dream, I don’t wanna sleep anymore before I start that stupid dream again. LOL
Plays video games while she is at work
He’s a stay at home dad ! And he still has the guts to say he doesn’t have any financial problems . She’s married to a looser . I’m sorry I couldn’t stay w a man who can’t pull his own weight . She sounds like a such a sweet women and deserves better
@Sir We Are About to Die They go through the year of illness per child to actually have the child. Just providing childcare after someone else did the hard bit isn't enough
*loser *woman
Homie's got an ego problem
He’s saving them a lot in daycare.
Aww Uncle Dave you handled this call so well. You have many hats
Stay at home dad?!? 🤦🏾♀️ Even if he does do housework, there’s no way this is even close to 50/50. What I’m hearing is that she works, makes the house’s only income, pays the bills, carried and gave birth to two babies that she has to spend time away from nurturing, and she’s the one with the money problem?!? I believe that men are supposed to be providers and protectors, and he seems like he’s not doing much on the providing side. Double standards or not, I don’t see stay at home husbands as a good partner to team up with in marriage.
For the most part, I agree. It's evolutionary biology. In this case, I'd disagree with you if he was willing to take the classes with her, but he's not. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I think most of these stay at home dads are slackers.
And I suppose if the wife was the stay at home mom then that would be ok??
Or just never marry. Its just not worth the hassle
So what's different about it being the other way around? Why is a SAHD not worth as much as a SAHM? SAHMs are praised and even that it's so much that when the husband gets home from work he'd better chip in. But in this scenario he's a dead beat and it's not close to 50/50?
Hyperinflation unless you find the right person, some people are happy in love
I love how encouraging and empathetic Dave was towards this young lady. Everything he said was spot on. Praying for this couple and their family 🙏🏾. Great segment.
Yeah my husband doesn’t even cross my path when it comes to the finances. I go straight into business mode and I don’t let up. There’s no crying, fussing or cussing when it comes to money, we’re going to do this and you can complain about it later. Period! I budget for everything! I’m the financial person and I’m very strict and disciplined when it comes to money. He tries to act up but once I do a bank reconciliation, I completely shut it down.
Jygutyfrrdse 🐅🐅🐅🐅🐅😂
so he's just like a kid 🤷🏻♀️
LOVE the way you do business, no messing. Need a strong person to keep that nasty wolf from the door !!!!
The important questions wasn’t asked….why isn’t HE WORKING!!!
I'd love to hear the husband's side of this.
Yep 👍
*The title says it all*
There’s nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. I’ve seen so many negative comments geared towards the husband for letting his “poor little wife” do all the hard hard work, like looking after kids and the household isn’t a chore too. What’s wrong with this situation is his attitude and the way he treats his wife like they are on opposite teams, it’s not that she is the breadwinner and that he looks after the kids.
$60k a year, family of 4, California. This girl sounds like a sweet, naive suburban girl who married the alpha male who could talk her into doing anything for him. 34 and “has side hustles”. Reminds me of my stepdad’s nephew who had the audacity to tell his (now ex) in laws that he needed to find something he “liked to do” as a career (also at age 34) while his wife was working night shifts as a nurse at the hospital.
They should move to a different state where she won't have to pay him alimony if they get divorced. If I were her ai would book it to Reno where you can quickly establish residency.
LoveToBe a Mom yeah probably smart. It’s sad that the court system almost rewards deadbeat spouses, especially in places like California
Daycare is not only costly but whoever is keeping your children has great influence over them. I keep three children in my home. All part time but two of them 9 hours on the days I do have them. When I have them all week -- that’s more than their parents see them!! Why are people all down on a parent staying home and raising their kids whether it be the mom or dad?
Rachel buy & read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout.
I couldn't even finish listening to this call. It made me cry for her situation. She trying so hard with no support. Her parents must not be close because they would run him out of the house.
A marriage is a commitment to help each other, even in finance.
This is why you need to screen your life partners first ! I could never be in a marriage with somebody who has opposite views on finances hence why money issues is one of the leading causes of divorce.
Xoxxo Bob so true. But how do you bring that topic up when dating? I don’t want to come across like a gold digger.
Tell that to the guy who lost his job comes home tells his wife and within a year she's walking out of his life after " just meeting" another guy
@liz t I agree with your points, but make no mistake if the man in the marriage dynamic does not provide for the female, that female will rather quickly move on to a male who can, their hypergamous nature will allow for nothing else been that way since we lived in caves
Your right, she could get a second job
She seems lovely. I hope it all works out for them.
Hubs doesn’t want to go to class because he’s ashamed he’s a leach.
A Parasite
My ex was a “stay at home dad” I used to tell people it was because it was cheaper than childcare. The truth was he was lazy and unmotivated. And I was too embarrassed to admit it to anyone. I grew to resent him for getting to stay home with my sweet baby. I feel for her.
Gaslighting....
She paused cause she embarrassed that she has to say that
The man is a loser. I feel really sorry for the wife. I hope thing turns out well for her.
I so love Dave's firm compassion.
Rachel, ecuentre otro esposo
No es solucion. Mejor sería que trabaje con el que tiene.
@@linak7155 entiendo, y eso pense initialmente peroo, creo que el esposo lo va llevar para abajo. Escucha las infleciones de Rachel, pobresita le esta dañando su esposo mentalmente
@@IamtheGL puede ser así aunque no tenemos todos los por menores. Todo matrimonio tiene sus alti bajos. Me parece que deberian procurar consejeria y ver que sucede...
No veo ningún problema ya que el hombre también puede quedarse en la casa. Si fuera la mujer la que estuviera en la casa no habría ningún problema. No estamos en una sociedad igualitaria? Pura hipocresía!
@@concha1011 the main problem here isnt that the husband is a stay at home dad but that he's a slacker. For now he's refused to see the need to learn sound financial habits and function as a unit.
I listen to calls all the time from men calling in. Wife has $100,000 in student loan debt. They have 3 kids. New minivan loan. He makes $50,000/yr. Wife stays home. Dave tells the husband to get 3 more full time jobs. The hypocrisy is unreal to me!
My heart goes out to her... Dave, you're a good man. That was good advice. Oh my goodness, when he said she'd end up respecting him less, I immediately thought of the book Love and Respect. It saved my marriage, me reading that book. And then he mentioned the book. BRAVO!
How did that book save your marriage no disrespect I'm just curious
@@JohnDoe-gc1kt It changed my viewpoint on how to relate to my husband. Instead of being angry and treating with disdain when he did something I didnt respect, I learned to love him and respect him for those things I DID respect. I was able to show love and respect during tough times. It took a while but he noticed that, and he started making changes without me ever asking, purely because he felt loved and respected enough that he wanted to show me love back. And his respect for me skyrocketed. We have an insanely strong marriage now (18 years and counting), when before learning these things we were teetering on the cliff of divorce. The key was to learn those changes myself, regardless of his choice. I chose to do it regardless of what he chose to do. 😊
@@NS-pf2zc this is deep somebody should teach this to newlyweds
@@JohnDoe-gc1kt Agreed. It also applies to other people in life too. Its astounding how it works. Great book.
Natasha S. A man who would react this way, is VERY rare. Men generally would say, yay, shes now going to do whatever I want without complaining. I win. A man who is like this to begin with, will not change.
I took away a lot more from this than just financial lessons. My heart goes out to this couple and hope for the best.
😂😂😂😂 the pause after "stay at home dad"
I have a gambler in the house. We'll Never get ahead. You cannot trust a gambler.
Not true! You cant trust a an addict. I gamble but only with play money. Everything takes discipline.
You can't trust a bad gambler
It's never a good idea to point out flaws in your spouse. Work on yourself, show grace, and encourage.
"Almost never happens that 2 people not working together will build success" 100% mic drop
I imagine there were several red flags that she ignored while they were dating.
Lawd 🍿
G L 😂😂😂
He’s 🚮🚮🚮
G L 🤣
@@guerreravelez2458 tell em!
48k a year isn't enough for a family of 4 in Cali. That husband either needs to open a daycare or be working when his wife arrives home from work. Work from home. This is one of the saddest cases I've heard on DR. She sounds broken & defeated. Only house husbands I've heard of are when the wife is a physician, or the big breadwinner. Very sad!
Leilani Ku'uipo I wouldn’t want that bum taking care of any kids.
@@guerreravelez2458 Well, it his parental right to take care of his own.
California is a big state.
Thank you for sharing.
GREAT advice from Dave.
“Not very husbandy” favorite quote by Dave
I feel the pain in this lady's voice. And I am male!
This call breaks my heart. I hope the couple is doing better. This reminded me to not take my marriage for granted and to pray to God thanking Him for His hand in our marriage, home and finances.
I am sad for her. I am so thankful I have a spouse who doesn't speak to me that way. I hope they can work through this.
I Love Dave!!!!
She said "side hustles" 😂
Praying for you my sweet and precious sister
This guy hitched up to a low self esteem gravy train. He gets to stay home all day and bring in no income. When they divorce in California, he will be able to file for palimony payments from her. She is very sweet but naive. I would love an update on this caller!
This is bad. That comment of his is a huge red flag. I'd look into personality disorders. If he has one of those, there is no hope and the marriage will never work, because he won't be able to be on the same page ever. I'd be more inclined to recommend books about narcissistic personality disorder. But then it doesn't really matte what he has. If he's abusive (and I am not talking just about physical abuse) the only answer is to find a way out.
Spot on, I said NPD too. RUN.
I hope they can figure out how to work together.
Basically Sharon knows how to handle Papa Dave. 💅🏻 Queen. 👸
Ayyyyy. So sad to hear when couples people go through that since I went through that and it’s really hard and sad