Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV
By providing content, resources, and connections, Dr. Cortney Warren's goal is to support anyone who is brave enough to live a more conscious life. For when we are honest about who we really are, we have the opportunity to change.
For more information on Dr. Cortney Warren and her talk visit www.choosehonesty.com. Her book, Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self Deception, was written to supplement this talks and is available on Amazon and Nook.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
"If we don't take full responsibility for who we are, we hurt ourselves and everyone around us."
Jaja Mama 3
Great quote! ....and a great summary for this whole TEDx talk/youtube video.
duh!!!
God doesn't even take full responsibility.
Boo.
In a nutshell: take responsibility for your own emotions, quit the blame game, dont manipulate others, be self aware.
Lol, she def laid it out better! Not everything needs to be n a nutshell!!
Sorry, she needs to take 10 minutes to to give us 1 minute worth of information. She is womansplaining.
This is what parents should teach their children but unfortunately many of them are Narcissists. We have to learn this by experience. It would be great if it were all that simple but it's not.
@@invisigrl good day, l propose to lean together ) to share life experiences
@@pebonifield I would agree, but If she would tell you that in one minute and it was something new to you, you most probably won't give yourself enough time to thing about it.
“When we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change.” Love it
Jesus taught us this.
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin
True freedom is being okay with the brutal reality of what is true.
Thank you, you spoke to my heart!
Mrs Scardino to make it easier for yourself. What i say is reality is not moral, and what i think is brutal is just my imagination or creation.
You know.. I'm 42 and just now got to the point of... "That's just what it is.." It's FREEDOM!!!
Sounds like depression to me
Very well said
I don't think I've ever had a TED talk hit as hard as this one did. So happy that I found this exactly when I needed it.
Lying to ourselves and trying to make ourselves feel better about a situation that we need to work on is a good way to plan our own failures.
"Your eating has very little to do with hunger." A simple yet amazing observation.
Well, maybe "hunger" for fulfillment.
Umm... ok... that is hardly a "pearl of wisdom" spoken by this woman. People have been saying that for like 100 years. Here's one for you, which I think is better: "it's not about what you are eating, but what is eating you." - taken directly from a British version of My 600lb Life.
Nonsense! It’s just coincidental that donut and my dangerously low blood sugar levels bisect on the time- space continuum.
"Looking back at life with regret is extremely painful because you can't change your choices in the past. "
This women tells it like it is! However it is very painful to see the truth of oneself.... and that's why self awareness is rare!
shelagh mcgee She's mentioned a whole host of narcissistic traits, including projecting her faults onto everyone "everybody lies". Still, it is very rare for someone narcissistic to admit fault. So I wish her well.
***** You're probably right, however regardless, her making up her own category "Honest Liars" and saying "everybody lies" is redirecting responsibility and utter nonsense.
***** There is a big difference between white lies and lying not to hurt people and lying that is detrimental to other people. As you said she may have BPD and her actions in terms of lying would not be lying to save someone elses feelings, quite the opposite it would be selfish and hurtful to others! Stop generalizing and saying everybody lies. That's not the point. It's why they are lying, the extent to which they are lying and whether it is detrimental to themselves and more importantly to others.
its just plain hard after a certain point as well. Theres a reason animals only have a certain level of self awareness, it takes a lot of thought, and because of that brain power.
I’m learning growing and self work is VERY hard but also some of the most rewarding work you will ever do.
I'm speechless. I think that was my favorite Ted talk.
you too? oh well then...
Me too, im not sure if the content is the most important but shes the best speaker ive ever seen
agreed!
Where others see exaggeration I see passion for her topic. She seems to enjoy it so much that she wants to laugh of pure joy. What a fortunate person she is for working in something that gives her so much energy. The interpretation of her body language obviously passes through our own filters, so for some, she is too much and for others, she is just perfect enough. I don't think she should care anyway, hahaha, and just be herself.
This has been the most impactful talk I’ve listened to. A year later I quit my job and started lliving my purpose. 🙏 thank you Professor.
Wow
What did you used to do for work? What is your life's purpose ? Are you still working in this field? How did it work out? Fill us in on the story
"The easiest lie to tell is the one you believe yourself."
And also the hardest
I love how the negative comments are so clearly self-deceptions! hahahahaha
Mura Listy Yes. It's as though this talk itself was threatening. We hold on to our lies very tightly.
+Mura Listy Amen. I get so sick of humans flinging feces in the comments section so they can feel better about themselves (boring individuals with nothing constructive to contribute). Talk about self-deceived.
Lol Ikr
Benjamin Holck I agree! These comments are truly appalling. Maybe one does feel a little more significant as they tear down the messenger. In regards to good therapists. They can only be as gifted as their clients are vulnerable and open to change.
Don’t be deceived , they are opinions
i love that shifty eye and smile thing she does whens she spits some truth
With all the pain I faced this year...I also realised that most of it is my own damn fault. This talk made me emotional because I have to come with acceptance and full responsibility of who I am.
*Human Psychology is an entertaining and captivating subject*
how to comment using bold letters???
@@casseyannemacawili3214 Yes Please!! Would love to know.
@@casseyannemacawili3214 *sup* * something * (without spaces)
Every word was tearing up my soul like a double-edged sword
Tearing up ego **
I have had to learn to be honest with others in order to be honest with myself. I still struggle with a dishonest narrative that I begin with myself. However, I’ve begun realize that I am becoming the biggest enemy of my soul when I try to cover my inadequacies with denial. It’s in the truth of knowing my character defects that I am able to work towards progress or acceptance of my imperfections!
For a few years now I've been on a journey of learning self awareness and I have learned to think about my thinking. I've always prided myself on being an honest person. Now I'm learning how to be actually honest with myself. I've learned to silence the negative voices in my head, without any prescribed medication. I have peace of mind, and sometimes even joy. It sounds corny to me but I now find something to be excited about every day. Just little, insignificant things. Thank God
Cortney, First I want to say that I am 45 years old and you just answered a question that I have asked myself for YEARS. I am so taken back, seriously! When you said "When you grow up in a home where parents argue, you learn to avoid conflict." I thought.. "Well, yes maybe?" When you said "So now you struggle to even admit you feel negative emotion." OH WOW!!!! THAT IS SO TRUE, that is my truth. When I have a negative emotion I always feel bad and try to redirect it into a nice emotion.. after all feeling negative about someone or something makes me feel horrible. I always catch myself saying... This isn't nice of me to say/ think.... Then I follow up with a justification to make my feeling or thought sound nice. Anyway, you are brilliant and I wish you the best. Thanks for your brilliant words.
I am so happy to read your message, Becky. I wrote a short book that is a long version of the talk called; Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception. You might find it useful also. www.amazon.com/Lies-Tell-Ourselves-Psychology-Self-Deception/dp/0615997716%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0615997716 Best of luck on your continued journey!
Sell that book baby
Daniel Campbell People tend to ignore the fact that simply by virtue of writing something online, you are promoting a point of view (whether you have something to "sell" or not). Your words imply that somehow the effort to sell a book diminishes the virtue of writing it. And to be sure, there are plenty of people who are only in it for the money, but you should show some respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt until she has earned otherwise.
Dear viewers and dear Reiko Bovee(Thank you for your great talk show), i want to explain how self deception works in a funny and easy way. We know human's memories can be affected or deleted by stroke of for example some thing hard to their head. People who deceives themselves, hits for their heads a hard stick to delete their bad memories to get rid of suffering, but how ever they also makes themselves blind by this act! By making themselves blind they couldn't be able to see reality any more and this causes to failure and even suffering more.
Becky SaumierHood I relate to you! I do the same thing and I’m 41! She really hit a spot in my heart.
She's like a disney character, she has that charisma in her.
Perceptive observation Jill. Put her in a booth with a script; animators will have plenty to work from
Why is everyone criticizing her speaking style? It's her style....the words are clear and apt and the content is really good. Is it always necessary to criticize something
Therapy was the single greatest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life
I love her inclusion of existential truths. Acknowledging and integrating these truths into our lives is very painful yet absolutely necessary to becoming better human beings. No great person has ever lived who did not realize their own mortality, loneliness and the meaninglessness of the world. Realizing these truths leads to the last realization: freedom. Accepting without compromise the truth of our existence gives us absolute, radical freedom to live the lives we've always dreamed of. And the responsibility to be better.
I look up to her. This is one of the best TED talks I've seen. Thank you 🙏🏻
Wow! Just Wow. I am currently attending IOP and they played this video. I broke down and cried like baby. Everything you said I identify with and I could have never been able to explain it so exquisitely as you have. Ma'am you're beautiful inside and out. Super engaging and intelligent. Thank you!
I agree. Therapy is a gift. And this talk is a therapy. Thank you Ms Warren. More power.
759 people need to enroll in a PSYCH 101 course. This woman is spot on!
Best TED talk in a long time. A woman with intelligence, inner and outer beauty along with a good sense of humor and practical application, makes this an encouraging video. Everything said is dead on. I've lived through most of what was said and I desperately wanted to change. Until it was verbalized, until there were concepts I could grasp, in order to change, I was paralyzed. I will change. I will report back. If our shell can heal with minor scars from medicine, perhaps our egos can be healed by the application of mental tools that are presented here. And for me, a strong belief in Jehovah's power, ability and desire to aide me in this endeavor. Thank you so much for this! This woman worked hard and is gifted with a captivating teaching ability. I will share this with my husband of 11 years and apologize shortly there after. ;)
Thank you SummersRay10! Best of luck on your journey.
SummersRay10 it's been 5 years. Update?
How I learned about lies was anyone can lie even a stranger or a family member and getting any truth costs even if it means a life-for-a-life concept. This is sad and angering but is true in my world. Standing up takes strength even at our weakest.
Best talk ever on this channel
Really is!!
No it isn´t .
Excellent, clear, precise, informative very well delivered.
It needs courage to be truthful to oneself. An excellent talk.
would help if the rest of us had the courage to call someone a liar. call a spade a spade and i bet more people were willing to tell the truth.
I've been slowly working on myself instead of blaming other for my actions. Its hard to look at yourself and change poor habits and behavior but, hard times have really had me look at myself and why I act a certain way.
love the existentialism. Seriously, I wish we had this kinda talk in society more often.
I really enjoyed her delivery in the presentation...don't understand all the insults
CodysFavorites me either
CodysFavorites ...What insults?
Yeah I don't get it either
If you haven't figured it out yet, human beings detest the truth as much as they love their gargantuan egos.
same. it is a difficult topic to speak about. so i don't understand these other comments
“ if you can’t bear the pain of being true to yourself...you will live your life indulged in the darkness of superficiality “
Snoopy W you are not a failure to urself, you just need to be self aware, take responsibility and courage to see yourself as it’s and be true to yourself no matter what & most importantly don’t play the victim game
Young Dreamer I’m no victim. But I’m not sure why people are playing games with me. If I were a victim I wouldn’t see or try to improve myself. I’m sorry I’m not currently able to do much but I will
Wow. She just broke down the entire field of existentialism from Heidegger to Sartre in about 20 seconds.
Thanks Nietzsche
I can’t be the only one who is self-aware and has continuously been in practice of it since I was young. People are always surprised when I’m honest about my faults and my strengths...it’s exhausting to constantly have to avoid deep discussions with people because they can’t handle being aware of their own actions and motivations and, in turn, aware of how they communicate and resolve conflict. They avoid the truth in front of them because of how they feel and it is (I’m being honest) idiotic and self-destructive. I’m glad she did this TedTalk and now I’m sharing it. Learn to seek out personal development opportunities that are honest and not just qualifying your behaviors. They hurt people. 😔🤦🏾♀️😕
I think I've probably been selective about being truthful with or about myself. However, @45 I'm very aware of my strengths & weaknesses, and owning them. I can be quite hard on myself but I truly believe that my extremely strict, conservative childhood inflicted a sort of default denial mechanism that I really, really noticed around 30 years old. At first it was terribly shameful & all consuming once I was finally able, ready to reflect & accept responsibility for the way I interpreted things, perceived my own behavior or how easily I justified certain things. After I came to terms with what I was doing & why I was doing it (I went on a journey of liberating, raw truths). It felt so good! No, I'm wrong. No no, seriously, it was my fault. Since then I've worked on balancing the art of taking accountability while knowing my self worth. (Now I'm perfect). Lol. Jk. That was a lie. Life is a long lesson. Sometimes you have to reflect & figure out if you're shooting straight or allowing yourself to buffer a curve out of convenience. I've noticed it's not real tough finding critics or on the contrary- favorable opinions. It's being true to yourself without stacking the facts in your favor that'll help you to find true perspective from an outside, unbiased source. I might have a completely different mindset in 10 years but for now, I think I get it.
My thoughts EXACTLY! And I do mean EXACTLY. 💯 I just can't allow myself to lie to myself about anything.
When I worked in management, interestingly, one of the surest ways I could tell a manager's customer service was going to start to slip was when, during customer service trainings, they would be dismissive of the material because, in their words, "I'm already great at customer service." Telling themselves they were great at customer service became a great way for them to deceive themselves in situations where it might seem their customer service had been inadequate.
Same! I've heard from multiple people that I'm very self-aware. It helps with self-improvement, and making decisions I don't regret. But it's difficult for me to forge deep relationships with people because, in my own experience anyway, most people aren't very self aware and that's important for me in anyone I let into my life.
"Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie" Be yourself but be your "true self" When we face the music and dance we no longer need to drug or drink to medicate the pain of hiding the truth. Be transparent & vulnerable; it scares the hell out of fake people but draws in the real ones.
This is the truest shit I've heard in a long while
She is so appropriately dressed for TED talk lecture. She is one of the few presenters that I have seen who thought about what she should have worn in front of an audience. Her choice of clothing is both professional while pleasing to the eye. The content of her message is presented in a clear, ration and thought-provoking way.
she crushed it!!! top 1%
I feel like hugging this woman; her words did strike a chord within me.
😐
Watching this video hit hard to my core. I needed to watch this video and i am glad that i did.
Understanding our self deception is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life, for when we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change " This was a TED Talk I can relate to. As I grip to hold on to things entirely unhealthy simply in fear of loss of the comfort.
This ted talk is underrated. I love her talk 💘
What an insightful message. I would be lying if I did not admit it helped me to take a look at my own self-deceptive tendencies. Thanks, Cortney!
I always wanted to write a book about that. What she's talking about is the key to heaven. But our ego does not allow us to pay attention to our lies....
I love that this video is 8 years old and has 100% relevance in this day and age amongst deniers and so many people projecting the messages of others. I loved hearing the words that seemed to apply to so many things in my own personal life.
I'm slightly less than two minutes into the talk and I can see that it's the facial expressions that are tearing me apart. Thank you ever so much. I would like to think that after 35 years of looking on the inside of you know who I know who I really am. No secrets here. No self-deception. It's against my religion.
Best TED talk on KZhead!!! Such an insanely engaging speaker, giving funny and relatable examples, and the content is so educational that I think this talk may genuinely change my life.
My recovery of depression anxiety alchohol and drugs was first telling my therapist why I took them and how I was feeling that made me depressed and so on. As soon as I was honest my sessions became amazing today I live a life of hope faith and courage. I liked how she said all her ex boyfriends she blamed them it was there fault not being honest saying look at myself first. Self pity isnt gonna work to recover from what ever your issue is. If your listening guys the only way to recovery is honesty . Even with anyone you meet in life not just loved ones . I look at why I first lied in my life and because a normality . Again wasnt honest so lied outta fear. That's why if your suffering at this level of fear or guilt plz go get help now before your too old or just too late . Dont ever be embarrassed ok.
Noticing, shifting and a whole lotta listening... With love and honesty is the key to growth! It was so great to find this video. Just what I needed this morning
I'm also afraid of abandonment, but there's a person who never abandon us.
one of the best TED talks I've heard.. it is so important to realize that we have to ACCEPT ourselves the way we are.. and not how society wants us to be.. and we have to be COURAGEOUS to do that... and the early we realize it, the early we will become better Human Beings, that this Earth needs desperately in this time.. for many reasons.. thank you for this TED talk, Ted talk people.. ':D :)
She is brilliant. Speaking the truth @ it's core. Thank you!!!!!!
"We lie to reflect our aspirational goals... We lie to uphold social ideals"
Oh my god! Its the same thing that just happened to me. I went for a master degree and I left, I didnt feel passion for it, I was doing it to not disapointing my family, my boyfriend, my fathers dream... It was painful to see the truth and accept my Own desires...
Amazing... How did you manage to wrap all basic tenets of psychology and decrease stigmatization of our field? I am beyond impressed. My mouth dropped open at the end too.. what an amazing ending and wonderful message to send to the world! THANK YOU!
One of the best TED talks ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
How many of you guys felt as if she was reading you raw? Phew... not a pleasant feeling eh? Well, You're not alone.
?
Her body language is full of manipulators (pointing finger and precision pointing - thumb+index togetherr) but also of openness: palms of the hands up but also discomfort in both the feet on the ground. I feel more as if the insecurity issues about being loved that she admitted too made her create a version of herself where she is comfortable and it necessarily needs to be contrived for the reason that it's created. It fees to me that she was believing dearly in what she was saying, in spite of a very carefully crafted image, i do believe that craft was out of adaptational skills. Who knows!
I definitely didn't , I'm curious on why you thought that
TheSoulS Colours I had the very same feeling. Like if she was a pretty little liar
"About"! "I'm Curious About Why You Thought That". But That Sentence Isn't Grammatically Correct In The 1st Place. A Better Sentence Would Have Been. "I Was Curious As To Why You Thought That."
She’s very smart and very attractive and a great speaker. That’s a good combination.
very helpful for those of us searching for our own truth. many points to ponder, and hopefully take some direction from. thank you, courtney, may you find your true self, and the joy that can bring you.
She prepared diligently. I have nothing but sweet feelings for her performance. I hope she's happy in the new direction , away from academics....
Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful TED talk. This resonates so, so much with me. I am in psychotherapy and grateful always that I am. I am continually self-reflecting and changing, trying to change. Have experienced a lot of loss in my life (some would say nearly tremendous loss) yet continue to learn and grow from it and not sink into it. I have already listened to you, Cortney, this talk, four times. Good talk.
After 10 years with my wife I finally accepted that I have an anger problem and we have had the best year out of all the years we have together! Please take a good hard look at yourself and if there is even a little doubt... get some help. You won’t regret it !!!
One of my best Ted talk in a while I'm psychology major and I'm interested in academia. I experienced and continue to experience tremendous growth once a started being honest with myself
What an incredible speech! This video deserves more views and likes. Thank you so much for the enlightenment. I never would have realised where I was going wrong until now.
This video in summary. Self awareness. She delivered this speech flawlessly.
I watch a lot of TED talks. To me they are little inspirational nuggets. Sometimes they don't have substance, but they make you feel good. Like Cheetos. Sometimes there's a bite you have to chew on for a while before swallowing. Sometimes they feed you beauty, which we all need. This one is a balanced meal; but it made me feel uncomfortably full. Looking at the comments to this TED talk, there are a lot of truths that resonated with a lot of people. Here's mine: "Although we can’t control many circumstances we encounter in life, we are responsible for our reactions to all of them." I have spent a lifetime rationalizing my reactions to things that happened to me. I am the Rationalization King in a land of self deceivers. It's time I studied on self awareness. Well done, Dr. Courtney Warren. You've made me - and maybe the world - a little bit smarter in just 13 minutes. Maybe a little bit happier as well. Depends on what I do with it.
I love the Pause and think! “What does my reaction to this situation say about me?”
I love this one. One of my favorites. Soooo good. I love the ending lines.
I have been looking for just such a presentation for my 18 year old. Her comments are spot-on and I know for a fact, that her delivery is optimal for many people. She keeps you listening with her tone and body language. Even if watching her is in some way less than optimal for you, then please just listen to the audio. This is a terrific video for a younger audience. Bravo 👏🏼
Omg, I'm healed of my severe abusive past and it's affects. It was all my fault and I'm not reacting like a human being would react to being broken at important stages of growth. I'm an animal, a piece of sh*t, I was right all along and was tricked , no, I lied to myself to believe I didn't do this to myself, that it was possible to recover, to achieve normalcy. I wasted my life believing I was a human being, worthy of love, hope and support. Wow, how simple, the thought. I'm cured.
OMG! LOL exactly my thought. what if people are just not privileged enough to have good environment like her
If you can get past a little bit of drama in this talk, it's worthwhile to listen and take in what Cortney has to say. Excellent advice. Taking 100% responsibility means that we are choosing the ability to respond to each circumstance. l love how Cortney outs herself about her resignation at UNLV. "Use the truth to live the most fulfilling life for you" is solid advice. I'd love to see Cortney do a follow up TED talk in a couple years.
Absolutely fantastic, brave and brutally honest!
I was so moved by this that I am going to get myself into psychotherapy. What a good Ted talk.
I almost fall asleep by concentrating too much on her teachings,. Thanks very much, you inspired allot...
this is beyond amazing and helpful , the way of deliver the message is exquisite
Honesty. Truth. Credibility. Respect. They are all related. Lose one and you lose them all.
Laura, I would say that you are correct.
Lying to yourself is NOT self-deception because you must know the truth first and that is not self-deception but denial. Not knowing the truth in the first place is NOT self-deception but, rather, ignorance. Avoiding or struggling to admit something or lying outright, Freudian defense mechanisms, cognitive distortions, irrational thinking, blaming others, our existential experiences of denial, meaninglessness, etc., is NOT self-deception either. When we lie to ourselves we must already know something and that is NOT deception but denial. I do enjoy your responsible way of admitting the need to stop such behaviors. Let's all take more responsibility. Bravo!
I love the energy in her delivery!
Brilliant! Shes a Goddess! Reminds me of Portia de Rossi ... who I've loved since I saw her on Arrested Development!
How do you know you are being honest to yourself when you are telling yourself you are being honest? How do you know what is the right choice? Who is the you behind the ego?
+DivineMoment seek truth and 'ego death' through hallucinogens.
***** Wat u say m8?
+DivineMoment +callum12321232 The reason why "humans" struggle so much is because of the level of consciousness that is being expressed. At a certain level of consciousness a fill in the blanks mentality is expressed; a pretend time. At an expanded level of consciousness their is no self. Even further expansion is acceptance of the fact that we don't know what life is or where the universe comes from.....we stop filling in the blanks and face our fears of not knowing... we let go. Only then do we step on the path towards "enlightenment". Only then to escape our primitive corrupted perceptional paradigm sicknesses. Tier 4 & 5 expressions of consciousness are when we are in the state of bumbling children of the universe, (where most "humans" currently reside. Tier 5.7-5.9 is the deluded scientifically ignorant ambiguous "spiritually enlightened" expressions.....Tier 6 is tangibly enlightened with deep scientific understanding of physical reality while almost complete dissociation. Hallucinogens and some forms of spirituality are a stepping stone for some....much better than not taking steps but many pitfalls and bad habits of thought are within that path. Hallucinogens sure are fun though, (caution and moderation hmm?) Important we commune with the biochemistry of our ecosystem to stay in tune with the universe.... whatever these things are heh.... we are more than likely part of it all.... oneness is far more likely than overly simplistic individualism at any rate. Psychology is merely the study of simple forms of consciousness that live in a false perception of reality.... more than likely. Welcome to the thought revolution! ;-)
+DivineMoment a quick way to tell if you're being honest is to compare your beliefs with your habits. no matter what you tell yourself or what others tell you, habits reveal honest beliefs. the right thing is the good thing. right choices are healthy/benefit the body's function and are usually good for other people and yourself. right choices don't cause long term hurt/pain for yourself or other people. try to think of the long term health/personal/social consequences of the choices you make to help discover if they are truly good/right.
+DivineMoment Yeah, it sounds like the whole talk is just a big balm on her own bruised ego.
I would listen to this ted talk over and over again, whats important is not the means but the message being delivered...people will never fail to criticize others
I'm going to make a real change in my life, it involves going to college, all about being able to support myself.
I totally loved this presentation!
Best talk I have ever heard on TEDx Talks! Excellent! I really needed this as a matter of fact, so many thanks! Very effective and if I could I would make an appointment! Agree with some of the comments that good therapists are hard to find, but Dr. Cortney Warren you are a rare jewel!
Judy Osborne this is the best comment on the page.
Seriously one of the best Ted talks ever!
and she is beautiful like you
To everyone who watches this video pls like it becoz this talk is one of the best of the best in KZhead. Let this reach to many more ppl. This can truly help many ppl.
Love this Cortney!!! Thank you for telling the 'truth' ; )
“The best way to confront our self deception is through psycho therapy. It is probably the only relationship you’ll ever have in your entire life that exists solely to benefit you”. If you’d had the experiences I’ve had with psycho therapy you’d need a psychologist to help get you through Therapy Induced Trauma. After 12 yrs and my covert emotionally abusive husband left last yr 2 week short of 22 yrs I finally found a therapist who told me in our first session I had been in an emotionally abusive marriage. Before that all the others who we worked with as a couple passed me off as overreactive (to his gaslighting, only I didn’t know that’s what it was til 1 1/2 yrs ago) regardless of the horrendous things he did to me and he admitted to doing. He’d say he hurt me a lot, just didn’t mean to and would anyone address the “but I didn’t mean to”? Nope! It was crazy making and he knew he was getting away with it, so psycho therapy isn’t always the answer.
Oh man... This sounds awfully familiar. It looks like you posted this about a year ago - just wanted to see how things are going - you doing ok??
One of my all-time favorite Ted talks
I'm speechless, I've always done that and each time someone speaks to me about a deep problem I'm like, you should ask questions to yourself, discuss with yourself and things like that, but this ted talk is expressed in such a clear way!!! God damn, it's absolutely the most amazing video I've seen in my entire life, I've even cried a bit. Please, all of you: Do what she said! it will save you soooooo much time, stress, anxiety, and will probably save you from depression because everything that is on your mind just stacks up. be conscious of it and treat it before it rottens inside of you.
Lessons that should be put in schools :D
Love this presentation. It made me think in so many ways and I had to pause at almoast every sentence. :0 Thank you for everyone that contributed to it!
What an amazing speech! Thank you so much for this!!! Much love!
One of the best TEDx Talks I've ever watched.
I appreciate the talk. I think there's some additional discussion in how the workings of the mind relate to the self-deception and self-justification. It seems to me that our minds are not really capable of (or at least prone to) dichotomy, which is a lot of the root cause of our self deception. We can't do bad and think we're good, so we go though mental gymnastics to justify our actions. The good thing is that when we start to recognize it, we can use it to help control our behavior. I first noticed it with personal relationships. If I didn't get along with someone, I would continue to find more reasons to dislike them. I decided to turn things around - I started doing acts of service for them, even minor things. Soon mentally we cannot justify doing good for someone we don't like, so our mind starts finding ways to justify their goodness and the relationship changes. It sounds like playing games, but it's really more of recognizing how important our actions are to out psyche. It's like smiling without a reason. Soon we are happier and finding reasons to smile. There's some really good work along the self-deception track with the Arbinger Institute and the works of C. Terry Warner. It really is all about living more honestly and recognizing the responsibility we have for our emotions as well as our behavior. Not that other things don't play into the picture. I typically suggest that we are made of three things. Our physiological self - our physical bodies with the hormones and chemical composition. Our environmental self - that part of us that is a product of all around us, parents, church, school, TV, etc. The last, and the most important (as in the ability to overpower the others) in our chosen self. Regardless of the other parts, wee can choose how we react, how we feel and what we will do. I'm not sure I buy the necessity of psychotherapy. It really is the product of introspection and analysis. For some, that may require therapy. In any case, it's the honest examination of your life that's key.
Okay
I appreciate the 3-self identities you call out: physiological, social and the chosen self. We aim to be one whole, unified self where duplicity and contradiction are gone and the chosen self is becoming aligned with the archetypal human being. Nothing metaphysical intended but perhaps unavoidable?
@@tqclock Whether metaphysical, or some other self constructed model, I think we all seek to align our selves with some ideal. A Christian would see that ideal as Christ, while an atheist might construct a model of the pieces of people they esteem highly. It seems to me the key to eliminating the self-deception is recognizing which parts of us are driving us at any time. When I am hungry or tired, or dealing with some chemical imbalance, is that affecting my perception and desires? If I can recognize it, I can account for it. It's the idea behind never going grocery shopping when hungry. Likewise, recognizing what values we hold are products of education, and whether or not we've evaluated them and truly support the ideas or whether they should be jettisoned as historical ideas that don't really serve me. The challenge is doing the honest evaluation. That may be where having the ideal to aligh with becomes so important.
@@RichardChappell1 God doesn't transform people's flesh - their flesh is crucified. Their flesh can never transform itself into something "good" because their flesh is always striving against the Spirit. No matter how hard one tries to perfect their flesh - it will always let them down - always! (without exception) "weakness of sinful flesh" If that were not true we would have transform it already. It isn't as if we haven't tried - and we're not getting any younger:) Suppose, hypothetically, we were able to improve our flesh thru self effort - would it be good enough? "by the works of the law, no flesh will be justified in his sight. A successful life is putting on the mind of Christ - and sharing what God has done - to save us from - OUR SELF (2 Cor 5:21)