Are you a giver or a taker? | Adam Grant
In every workplace, there are three basic kinds of people: givers, takers and matchers. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant breaks down these personalities and offers simple strategies to promote a culture of generosity and keep self-serving employees from taking more than their share.
Adam hosts the TED Audio Collective podcast WorkLife with Adam Grant--a show that takes you inside the minds of some of the world's most unusual professionals to discover the keys to a better work life. Listen to WorkLife with Adam Grant wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe to the TED Audio Collective: / tedaudiocollective
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more.
Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at www.ted.com/translate
Follow TED news on Twitter: / tednews
Like TED on Facebook: / ted
Subscribe to our channel: / tedtalksdirector
None of the above, I'm a keeper. At least that's what my mom tells me...
You're special!
Your mom calls you a keeper? So, you're a millennial who is stuck in your parents house for the foreseeable future?
most millenials are me included, but im satisfied with that
So... soccer was always your forte? :P
No, you are Special!
"I find paranoia everywhere" Isn't that Ironic
-Yttrium- .. don't you think.. ITS LIKE RAY-IAINNN
What paranoia? I see no paranoia...
Why do I have these 10,000 spoons?
I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C
Because pranoia is real, is true XD
"you can learn a lot about character by watching how someone traits their restaurant server or their Uber driver." True
I don't know where to put it so! In hospital it' scary, but i don't like the x-ray place. it's dark and lonely. You know.
that sentence really got me thinking
As a Lyft driver, I concur. I always judge the character of the passenger by how humanely they treat me. You'd be surprised the request and comments people make when they see you as a thing completing a service and not another human being. The coolest people I've met were also the kindest.
@@timothyalan34 It's interesting to know your perspective. Could you give some examples of the requests or comments?
If anyone noticed, that idea was also in Harry potter
I am a lazy giver. I love helping others when my energy is up. But energy seems to escape me at times.
Veratikon some times being a giver or empathetic is the cause of the fatigue
I smell the beginning of a burnout...
That's called being a normal human and respecting your limits
Honestly, check your anemia level
pearhps you are a creative giver :)
"Protect givers from burnout" wow, this is a powerful concept.
Only a giver will make that statement. Agreed!
I saw that as a sort of thing as like protect the Hufflepuffs 😂
It's so easy to want to do everything to everyone, and it's hard when you realize it's not possible to do that while maintaining good mental health.
That statement is amazing. It is very true especially when you help people but then they turn around and gossip or outright set you up. That happened when I was working at Walmart the summer before college started. This lady acted like the store martyr and I would help her do anything I could fit in while also covering other departments. Then she would complain that she could not work until 12am because of her kids. I said I would cover as much as I could and she said I agreed to do it all the time, and she didn't care I was taking summer courses at the university. When I asked the manager about it she got mad and that is when she started gossiping and lying about me, she would also throw clothes around to make it look like I didn't do my job. The manager would blame me and I said I quit. He didn't want me quit so he moved me to the photo lab. They all loved me there until after explaining i couldn't do 40 hours a week with fall semester starting where I had 15 credits and had to go part time at work due to the fact to keep my scholarships I had to have a 3.6 gpa. They lied and said I didn't tell anyone and the form I filled out disappeared. I gave my 2 weeks and they said I didn't so I just stopped going. Really screwed me up and made me wary. I had to quit that job 2 times and a different job 4 times since they would always "lose" my doctor notes. Had to quit that job 5 times, they would call me up saying I was late for my shift and act like I had not quit. My best friend is the same way and we have become a bit reserved and questioning of others since even family takes advantage.
I love it
Takers is why I hate group tasks at school. It's great to work with givers and matchers, but he's right, one taker can ruin the work.
god help me with our thesis i made a mistake of being in a group with a taker
lucax tshotting that not true he could be a matcher. And disagreeable givers also talk like this. I’m a disagreeable giver and I find it very difficult to work within a group with a taker. I want to help and improve our group but it’s never possible when people won’t help each other or are cold and defensive/ never ask for help. It sucks
For me it kinda really depends... Bc in most I'll get the work done perfunctorily, if everyone in the group splits up the work. And then there are situations with that one giver who decides that they can single-handedly do a better job than all of us and then it ends up in a fight, and/or me slacking. And then there are the projects where the entire effing team are takers and I basically end up doing my half really well and making their half look stupid.
@@lilidevol2372 I think that that one giver that wants to take over and do all of the work is that way because they've been in many groups with a taker(s) and feel it's easier to get everything done by their selves rather than get a bad grade/punished because none of the work has been done. You just have to make sure you step up and help, even if you have to convince them that you're serious about helping (this is, of course, in an ideal world though, because there are a lot of difficult people). As for the takers- well, I still don't know how to deal with them other than being like that one giver and trying to do all of the work (I promise, though, that I'm not like that one giver all of the time, if others are willing to help, I'll let them 😊).
Dominique Day I agree because if we go up and everyone is embarrassed after the fact because we didn’t do a good enough job or our quality isn’t consistent it turns into everyone fighting anyways. I’d rather make up any slack in our group and protect our group image so that each one of the people in the group is protected and none of us have to lose face. As a group it our responsibility to help pick up areas for others if we’re good and it their responsibility to do the same for us. Your team members actions and performance is direct reflection of you seen as group your actions are seen as that of the group. If they don’t have the same sense of responsibility okay but if I do nothing and let it fall apart no matter what and my group members turn on each other or sacrifice one for their reputation or in general each of individual reputations take a hit which can follow you professional and personally, then i feel that I’ve failed myself but also others by being selfish and not putting in the work to protect us.
0:15 find the most paranoid person in the room 0:20 points straight at the speaker 😂😂😂
Jack 64 lol was looking for this comment
I’m a giver. Recently after helping someone in my company I was immediately offered more work by the director (plus a 30% pay increase) personally I questioned my ability to handle the increased work load. I decided to accept. I have had to ask for help which has caused my relationships to grow. Now the people I have been helping are now helping me. Life is more balanced.
This should be the norm of interpersonal exchange... but I don't know if we should let the takers be as a form of diversity
I’m going through this exact situation but I’m at the “increased workload” part and starting to need to ask for help. Your words encourage me. I’ll be more open to asking for help now.
I was going to be a Giver, but then I escaped my Community on a sled. Now nothing will ever be the Same again.
Philip yes!!
Philip There was an echo of what sounded like music... Jonas recognized it from what he was taught, but what happens next, is not to be known...
Philip such a good book
That, was /amazing/.
OMG how weird - I just read that book a few weeks ago! Synchronicity, oooohhhh (cue Twilight Zone music) I LOVE Robert Cormier.
I am a matcher. I feel guilty when someone gives too much to me, and I am always thinking about ways to make it up to them. When someone takes significantly more than they give, I try to figure out how to remove that person from my life. I am paranoid that the giver will leave, thinking I do not appreciate them. I am also paranoid the taker will keep taking what I do not want to give. Paranoia is not limited to narcissistic takers. I do not like being paranoid, but it is how I have always been.
Nabbitch The Rabbitch I think you should read the comment again and try to find out why your comment doesn't make any sense. I'll give you a hint: it's the takers he wants to be rid of.
Most of us are paranoid having dealt with so many takers, don't worry, you're not alone (and not narcissistic). Narcissists have ZERO sense of reciprocity or guilt being around givers!!
And I''m a giver
Minotaur hmm.. sounds like me. Which is why I dislike others doing favors for me.. 😂 I tend to.. do more than expected. Cause I love a fair trade or even better: exceptional reciprocation. Speaking of which.. my family itself are both opposites. Mom side (takers her specially) dad side (givers) both to the extreme. The moms pisses me off to the core with her inconsideration.. and my dad well.. he is always silent that he pisses me off for being too kind to a fault.. both sides has done a number on me on many ways lol (bad number). And perhaps.. I'm the epitome of them two. Either an extreme giver (my natural) or an extreme taker and basher (the burned out giver 😂). I do understand my dad but I don't understand my mom at all. It's war between me and her lol. I may talk about the war thing lightly but I despise her to the core of my being. Hence me loving to pound takers to a pulp haha.. so mean of me 😂. But even takers need considering.. I guess the best solution is to keep them in check and on a lease. They tend to easily forget that the world isn't all about "them" more easily than not (subjectively speaking: pieces of 🤬..... really 😂) From a burned out dissagreeabke giver that's growing into a matcher lol. Or maybe I really am a matcher.... kind of makes sense since I'm the child of those two 😂
Natasha Vermeer true that..... and it makes me really angry. I know how that is.. I need a taker punching/smashing bag 😂 (really lol)
I work with a bunch of takers... so now I’m just a doer. I do my work and I go home
Aneesah GIlbert I do everybody, and then I go home
Vagina Crusher name Checks out
@@Mykl0000 😂😂
This comment thread 👌
And I think that's what was missing. The person who comes in, gets the job done really well, and then leaves. Doers.
I believe I'm a disagreeable giver. I can't stand people's stupidity but I want to keep them from dying. (And I love that House was in that catagory too)
People who give and are mad about it are exhausting to be around. Go live on planet resentment.
@@cruisepaige I know this comment is a month old, and while I do agree with your statement itself without context, I am under the impression that you believe that disagreeableness relates to being habitually mad and resentful. I want to clarify that disagreeableness is one of the Big Five personality traits in psychology defined by a lack of social cooperation and other related traits. They're more likely to challenge/criticize people and ideas, which is what Adam Grant talked about in the video. "They're the ones who give the critical feedback that no one wants to hear." Being mad about giving and holding onto resentment as a prominent tendency falls more under neuroticism, which is the tendency to experience negative emotions. People who habitually experience anger and resentment might have a lower level of agreeableness too, but my point is that disagreeableness and neuroticism are not mutually inclusive.
cruisepaige they wouldn’t have resentment if you paid them back, just a thought.
ahhhhhh i finally found another similar type, i'm with you on the " I can't stand people's stupidity but I want to keep them from dying" but as i grew older i start to learn that not all people wants to receive, especially receiving a hard cold ugly truth of a feedback so thus I've always give it one shot, if it fails I'll just move on
Can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves
This Ted Talk is awesome because: no bulshit self- advertising, no useless stories like "when I was a kid..", the talk gets straight on point, facts are backed by statistics, he mentions how this idea can help our society grow! Videos like this is why I'm still subscribed to Tedtalk channel.
That's because he's literally sharing the gist of his research that was published in his book! He didn't advertise it, but I think it's worth a read. It's titled give or take
Well, when I was a kid....
You're an idiot.
He is indeed a giver. I can see it in his eyes. Those give similar vibes as my mom's(who I find as an agreeable-seeming disagreeable giver to others. Idk what that means) although she's of different race(korean) xd
Man that crowd was dead, this Ted Talk was great
Crowd participation is not a good idea
What’d you expect them to do? Jump and scream with their hands in the air?
It was good but he's no Dave chapelle. I was listening but not giggling or ROFL at every joke of his.
This clearly called for a Mexican wave.
Melvin Laola Wave, at least.
1:04 I was taught to read every question before answering
I was trained by videos who throw up text and then immediately throw it down, that you have to read the whole thing as fast as possible.
Church
It wasn't a question, they were instructions.
@@anonomyss Boom baby!
@@anonomyss Questions in a test are also instructions,
"As canadian as possible under the circumstances" Proud of you Canada
On behalf of Canada, you're welcome. We do our best :-)
OohEhOohAhah TingTang: As Canadian as possible under the circumstances" Proud of you Canada.......under the circumstances.
The witch doctor song?!? Ooh e oo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla Bing bang
Y run 49 dur7 4i9
"Sorry to disappoint you guys if you thought that was anti-climatic" - Canadian
Seriously, the guy looks like he's going to cry, but he doesn't
He reminds me of bold Zac Efron 😂
Philipp Starlinger, omg YES!
He might have had Botox 😉
omg I am crying right now xd
dead looool
I'm definitely a matcher... Just because if you help me, I'll gladly help you. I used to be a giver but people took advantage of me so I became a matcher.
andja this is facts.
Im a disagreeable giver but also a realist. I try to help the group help each other but when l come across a full blown taker l have to accept they will never help and that because of that no one else will help them. Most people are matchers and they are easy to sway, but some people just can't understand the idea of if you help the other people then they are more likely to help you.
Same here
Le oof
I'm a giver but I set limits. I'm still in highschool and when people ask me for help with projects and I'll take as long as it takes to guide them without giving the answer. I do this so I'm not seen as a pushover or their easy way out, though I still don't ask for anything in return.
givers being burned too many times is a legit statement
Take a moment to think about yourself. Me: *HUNGERY*
😂😂😂
*Narcissist detected*
Same here always hungry but still skinny.
In my personal experience, it seems as though having been raised by a family of highly agreeable givers that it's bred me into a highly agreeable taker. Having been given so much throughout my life, I've always taken it for granted and selfishly expected the same from everyone else without returning the favor. It feels good to get that off my chest, and realizing from the thought-provoking insight from this video that I can choose to become someone who desires to help others.
I can relate.
Respect brother!
I'm from a family of givers and always thought I was a taker, because I compared myself with them. But after listening to that talk and reflecting on what I'm like at work I would definitly say that I'm an agreeable giver.
This is so true. Becoming a giver is a learning process
Out of curiosity are you the youngest child?
I'm a simple man. I saw Darth Sidious, I clicked the video.
Im a simple man ..any bald guy =caliou
+*DrinkMoWater* someone give this man a doughnut
Pure evil = "A disagreeable taker"
Bethel Adiele same
Bethel Adiele LOL that's exactly what I did! I saw Palpatine in the thumbnail and thought "Wait,WHAT?" 😂😂
I used to work for some middle managers who were classic takers, they’d make you do the difficult work then take the credit when the directors/upper management came. Most frustratingly they’d change their behaviour completely to come across as being more likeable when they did visit. Anyway, a couple of my colleagues and I had enough. Thankfully the directors were all givers (you don’t get to their status without teamwork and being selfish), they got wind of the situation with middle management and almost immediately (1 week later), they were reshuffled to a different department for less pay. Unsurprisingly they both quit, probably because it hurt their ego. That was probably best little win in my career, and hope to all the other givers/matchers.
Man I'm such a giver and i was always deluded that this part of me is weakness but this talk changed my mind, however i need to try my best to become a matcher cause life is too cruel
HLLNZ100 dont, that is such a good quality and the world needs people like you. every thing good will come back to you, even if it’s not instant gratification. hope this helps u and i hope u know that i appreciate you :)
That's one lesson to take away from this talk. A different lesson would be that matchers outnumber both givers and takers, so giving will generally work out for you. You've got a 25% chance of encountering a taker, everyone else will respond positively to your giving.
That's so true. I'm learning to be a matcher.
"I find paranoia everywhere" -The best quote on earth!
It's everywhere... paranoia is following me!
🙌
The sparkling in his eyes is just distracting and captivating in the same time , good speech though
mutah docs He really knew when to stop talking and let you think about what he said. Awesome public speaker!
Couldn't disagree more. His nerves killed the flow of his presentation -- trouble breathing, shrill tone, talking speed fluctuation, poor humor delivery, etc. Great material, not a great public speaker. Edit: End is much better Further edit: Eh..
Hmm, Didn't feel like he was nervous. He did fluctuate his talking speed alot which all could be an annoyance to some but It didn't take me out of the talk. I hate discovery channel-like narrations or podcast. they are all so extremely monotone and slow. This is quite the opposite. I do see where you're coming from.
Listen closely to his breathing, specifically in the first 5 min. Everything else I said stems from that
This was definitely the nervous version of "fast talking". You can tell by his facial expressions (lack thereof) that he needed all of his concentration to keep his voice from breaking / keep him from stuttering. I speak exactly like him during public speaking and you basically forget to breathe after a while.
Student: How long is this Ted talk? Teacher: 13 minutes 30 seconds, give or take.
That’s a good one. Nice work, kiddo. I hope your comment gets more likes for your dopamine levels. All kidding aside, that was actually a funny joke, 7.5/10
This took me more then one read. I'm embarrassed
@@michaeljacobson5797 Why is this bad?
11:00 Disagreeable Giver: The heroes we need but not the ones we deserve.
Hamza .N very true
Student: How long is this Ted talk? Teacher: 13 minutes 30 seconds, give or take.
"You just have to find small ways to add value to other people's lives." That quote from Adam Rifkin is valuable!
Takers are people who don't see the point in making the world better. All that matters to them is themselves. Givers do see the point in making the world better even if they have to sacrifice themselves to do it. Matchers are people who view life pragmatically and know that making the world better is good but their own well-being is just as important. If they see a giver, they will join him or her IF they can. If they see a taker, then they will try to eliminate him or her IF possible. This is why givers need to be put into positions of power and takers must be removed from positions of power.
sexyloser ^
Not really, you van give and take care of yourself, There are rarely extreme situations where sacrifice is nessesary. And you can take care about others better when you take care of youself. And still be giving a lot.
See see know
Agreeable.
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in alignments Takers: Evil Matchers: Neutral Giver: Good
What was said about giving within nursing is so true! 👏🏽 I’m a nurse and my own department was wonderful, we would all help one another when needed because we all viewed the patients as “our” patients. The atmosphere was wonderful and we won awards within our trust for highest reported levels of patient satisfaction. A joy to come to work. On other occasions, I’ve worked in departments where the attitude is every man for himself. So stressful & most heartbreakingly you can tell that the patients are not getting the care they need.
Wise saying ❤
You sound very caring. Some hospitals sound toxic as heck. I'm glad you found a wonderful department to work in.
"An eye for an eye makes the world blind." Hahaha, I am a matcher. 😂
eleora I.S. Its interesting that you draw that connection. The speaker did state that matchers follow the norm. Which is a very metaphorical blindness.
@Salout Hermano Justice is blind. The phrase comes from impartial circumstances. An eye for an eye made justice blind. Therefore it could not see what was being robbed, nor was it able to judge how idiotic revenge is. "An eye for an eye makes the world blind." Clearly was about the 'justice' of vengence being a cycle of unnecessary hardships created by a wronged willing to make another wrong because they got hurt. The view of Justice is quite skewed. Forgiveness is the way to go.
@Salout Hermano I believe a person's behavior mostly stems from their upbringing and around 50% of why they think what they think is social teaching. If people are afraid of the punishment, they're still not in the right mindset. Instead of thinking stealing is wrong, they'd think 'I don't want to steal, I'd end up in jail.' So, like, people should work toward teaching how their actions harmed someone, even if the action was deliberate. Ex: Stealing cash from a collage student. Now the collage student can't buy food. You may have stolen to buy food, but the collage student has become unable- just like you were- to buy food. With the system I live in (America) it's not who wronged someone it's who has the better lawyer. Or even worse, who paid off the judge. It is harder and harder to achieve pure blind justice, therefore I have written it off.
That's why he nukes in civilization game
I'm a giver, and EVERY job I've had, the TAKERS are the ones rewarded the most, while ALL of the GIVERS are shat on by management. And when the Givers decide to leave, they wonder why everything goes so sour, so quickly.
if you were truly a giver you wouldnt be so upset by the lack of your taking.
I think there's a little bit of confusion here. Givers are not endless supplies of giving. They have a limit. And, it's a bit of a misnomer because there is a degree reciprocation involved in their lives too. Givers have emotional needs and feel just like everyone else. They can feel sad, lonely, mistreated and even angry. Like the speaker did say, Givers can stop contributing if they feel they aren't being treated fairly.
Duck Duck don't be a giver, you'll only end up hurting yourself. Being a matcher is the type everyone should be. A society with givers running it would fall pretty quickly to takers. Give and take, it's what life's all about
@@greenanubis I think I'm a giver, but you're making it seem like givers aren't even human. I sacrifice a lot of stuff to others but they end up abusing all that help I give them. I'm happy that I can help, but it hurts when they ask for help TOO MUCH or EVEN IF THEY DON'T NEED IT.
Jonathan F true story
The biggest problem with being a giver is how everyone around you are constantly nagging at you that your mindset and philosophies are utopian and marxist, and that anything you do which doesn't pursue one self's best interest, in some form, is a waste of time. It makes givers burn out faster than a match in space.
Yeah I can totally relate to your comment. I have been there, and still people tend to say something like that to me from time to time. But I will prove everyone wrong with my actions.
A match in space (i.e. vacuum) won't even ignite to start with.
Also the fact is. That giving your own things....is a lot different than giving other peoples’ things. Which is where the quote “marxist” comments come from. People dislike it when someone else takes something they feel that they worked for. Ya see? Sorry if this wasnt what you meant. I conjectured on the oft incorrectly used labels you said people gave you ;3
Pretty sure you got it right, Quick. People are very quick (not you) to label anything that takes "their" resources as "marxist", even if they end up benefiting from it. The thing is, everything that goes into the economic system will tend to sustain and benefit it and therefore them, whether that's me buying a loaf of bread or an undocumented immigrant working as a fruit picker. I'm happy paying into the system; it keeps things running nicely and I like nice things. They are apparently not happy paying into the system because it's "their" money and they, not entirely unreasonably, want to have every right to it, but even if they don't pay their share they still benefit from my share. They benefit from workers being healthier and therefore not losing productivity to sick days, which I help pay for with my health insurance. They benefit from everyone being provided a free public education (which taxes pay for until people get to college, then screw them), which makes the average worker more effective in the service and technical jobs that keep so much of our economy running. They benefit from public roads and other infrastructure, for obvious reasons, which taxes help pay for. They even benefit from undocumented laborers, since all provide labor to the economy, all provide another consumer to the economy, many still result in payroll tax on the employer's end, and none can benefit from most of the benefits of being a taxpayer. They actually get a lot of benefits from the government and the garsh-darned libruls "stealing" peoples' money, and if I and everyone else stopped paying into the system the way they seem to want to they'd end up with a whole lot less. Similarly, if they stop paying into the system, I end up with less despite working and paying exactly the same amount, which shouldn't happen if it's really "their" money. If I may be so bold as to creatively reinterpret a taker's perspective, I really have a share of their share, which makes it not really their share at all, and if they don't pay the part of our share of society's burden that they currently possess then they're effectively stealing my share of their share for themselves. That makes them thieves, not to mention bloody hypocritical, and we all know how much they hate thieves. So no, giving my own things is not as different from giving other people's things as one might want to think. What do you think? Am I hitting close to the Marx?
@strpwnr3 that commentary sounds a lot more like the product of your life, ie: the critical voices within you, versus what people around you might actually be saying and thinking, or stuff you've read on the internet maybe. Feels a touch unrealistic and self-defeating. Fear of failure? Fear of success?
I'm a taker. I've always had to fend for myself and it's hard for me to take other people well being into account when at somepoints in my life I didn't even have enough energy to help myself. For me, generosity is something almost mystical that I try to understand and apply when I can, but it's not easy even when I'm willing, like a language I never learned to speak.
Pretty easy, just find your deepest desire. Most if not all, really desire to be a Hero. It's why superhero movies are so big right now, why there's so much push to save the planet, or save black people from oppression, or save gays from oppression, or so on and so on. People have the desire to be a hero in two fundamental parts, one is to get positive attention from others, but the other is just that they want to be a good person. Everyone wants to be a good person, it's when they think that it's too late for them, or they tried and someone beat them down and now thier bitter, that they stop trying to be good... but that desire doesn't actually go away. It's just like people's desire to fly, they see being good as impossible so they don't peruse it, and actually try to become evil sometimes because they see that as possible. You have a giving spirit you just have to reach deep and find it. And of course prayer can help. Making it possible for people to be Good is why jesus died on the cross so they could lay thier evil on him and feel free to be themselves and overcome thier selfish wants. I hope you see that you are a one of a kind, and that what you have to give to the world, or to people around you is so unique that no'one else could do it. And that as much as you've thought otherwise, giving comes so naturally to you that your surprised you don't do it every second of every day.
That analogy was beautiful ❤ hope you learn it someday
Thanks for your honesty. No salt. Work on becoming a matcher. Everything else falls naturally after
Don't change. This world decidedly rewards takers much more than givers and matchers, no matter what this guy's figures say. I mean, have you watched the news in the past few years? I wish I could be like you.
are you changed after 2 years?
When he defined pronoia, it actually brought a tear to my eye. What a beautiful idea.
"I'm surrounded by a bunch of 'snakes' and 'sharks', why should I contribute?" ...that's how I feel about the whole world.
So you are a Taker? Thats okay many of us have been hurt. Just try to help others because there are so many Sharks and snakes arround you and most people are helpless
@@UrbanClimber it sounds like BladeShards is a "burnt out Giver". They have been taken advantage of so many times and now do nothing, because subconsciously that's the only way they can think of to avoid the pain of being taken advantage of. As a giver, if you can find a small group of other givers to work/play/live with, that is the sweet spot - everyone helping each other, not expecting to get anything back in return, but being surprised and joyful when they DO receive help and appreciation from others.
Funny how givers make up 25% in his chart,but in this comment section it's more like 100% hmm...
megaslayercho EVERYONE wants to be the giver, few actually are.
I am seeing felix's face
cause the taker won't write a comment or taker won't watch this video cause they don't care
yeah at first I thought about me beeing but beeing more of a taker but when he came to the part I realized that Im 100% a matcher, like sometimes I don't feel like doing something for others when I feel like they did nothing for me but Im more than glad to return a nice favor.
I bristled at the start of the video, as an argument about two ideas, where one is clearly preferred over the negative one, has already been won or resolved. Again, I don't think it even matters what you see yourself as, the message is simply that one taker can destroy an organization while givers can help it to flourish and keep everybody healthy from burnout, which is something many places desperately need!!!
each one of us is a Taker, Matcher, and a Giver all at once, I believe that the circumstances X values X priorities that decide which one we should be.
But there's usually one of these styles that is your default. It becomes clear when you observe a lot of persons working under very similar circunstances or the same person working under very different circunstances. Everyone has a default style, but they can learn to perform other style.
Yep you Nailed it
He says this as a disclaimer before introducing the concepts
Interestingly enough, during my med school years the smartest (or at least the medically smartest) students were the ones who helped all their friends pass. In high school I used to be the best in my class in a few subjects and it was very easy for me to teach it to someone else or help them in any way, because it took little time and effort, but the rewards were great - I felt good about myself and had a lot of people owing me favors, although I tried never to ask for them or keep track of them. Now in my residency program I’ve noticed how the smartest last year residents and the smartest doctors try to help you so you’ll become better. The mediocre ones, or the ones who aren’t very smart (you can be a doctor and not be smart as long as you work hard) are very protective of their knowledge and don’t want to share what they know with anyone. They fear competition. The best never fear that.
"Success is really more about contribution." Well said.
me too! Who else want to live in a world where givers succeed ?
Erkhes Maddox Me!!!!
Only takers would say yes?!
I want this too!
That's what Heaven is. God gave His son, and Jesus gave his life, so we could live in a place like that forever.
forgive me if i don't trust in an imaginary afterlife, done my share of giving, now it's time for taking. If you think about it in nature only those that take survive and succeed it is the way of life. Humans just complicate it with their made up bullshit laws, but the real laws are the laws of the wild. You can never truly over ride or write them out of existence. They will always be around.
As a giver and someone who is often afraid or self conscious to the point that I don’t want to ask for help, hearing the reminder that giving people WANT to help made me so happy. Thank you! I love this!
"Its the guy, not the cat" underappreciated joke
Giver here.. and somewhat burned out :(
Serah Wint incidently, that's also what a taker would say to make givers help them.
You could think of giving small things like a smile and in this way don´t burn out it is a way i like to give because it is easy doesn´t hurt and make people feel better. I hope you have a good day today
Boundries lady. Establish healthy ones, and take time out for yourself and self-care, :)
Being a giver is great, and you don't need to be selfish to prioritize yourself most. That's being self aware, as you can't help anybody if you can't help yourself, :)
busTedOaS Being a giver is great and you dont need to be selfish to prioritized youself most. That's being self aware, as you can't help anybody if you don't help yourself, :)
Lord Voldemort apparently is a very likeable person when off-screen. Congrats for being on TED!
11:46 this is the moment I was like MIND-BLOWN!!!
Today, only 6 people talked to me at school. They were my friends. But out of the 6 people, only one of them asked if I was okay. The other 5 only came up to me because they wanted me to teach them something from Physics or English. They aren't bad people, but I just feel so used. Like I never exist to them other than being of use to them. Maybe it's because I don't ask for help much because I tend to do everything myself just fine, but I just feel so used. And because I know it's my fault for helping in the first place, I feel guilty for feeling like I'm used by bad people when they are supposed to be good. I'm just so tired of giving, I have nothing to take, but people just keep taking and taking and taking from me like I'm a dispenser for answers. I don't have all the answers and I want to power off, but if I do that I'm being selfish. So I'm not supposed to.
Hey. Dont ever feel bad for helping others. This concept of giving and taking can help us put things into perspective. But I dont believe the world is black and white. Did you notice he puts all the blame of paranoia in "takers". This is such a complex problem, but the real root is distrust. The poor distrust the rich, the black distrusts the whites, etc. etc. Just put your self some boundaries and is ok to not have all the amswers.
@@gino07770 Thanks mate, I forgot I even made this comment. I've begun to set up boundaries little by little and am beginning to learn how to say no. I know I like helping others and all I needed was a little appreciation, apologies for sounding so depressed in my comment, I promise you I'm far more positive and upbeat now haha! It's nice to see kind people like you replying so nicely on the internet, it gives people a little hope about making comments online y'know? Know that I'm in a much, and I mean MUCH better space now! But still, thank you for the kind words, they did put a smile on my face :) I hope you have a nice day and that you smile too!
Understand that you can play different roles in different relationships Sometimes a giver, taker or matcher
This honestly reminds me of high school. Some people who sit back and don’t do work, while others begrudgingly finish what needs to be done. I remember starting freshman year as an agreeable giver, and ending as a burned out matcher.
I have had a disagreeable giver teacher for two years now and I was terrified of him at first... then I realized that he actually cared about his students enough to say that their work was crap and to start over and improve a certain aspect of it. He's a great teacher that threw me in the deep end of illustrator and mac computers and I appreciate what he has done for me.
Thank you so much Adam Grant, I was feeling stuck by negative emotions for depression a lot, I feel so worthless and useless somehow, but thanks to your video I found out that doesn’t matter your education, status, your skill level in society... you can somehow help others and not helping and contributing to others, life is so meaningless, I mean there is not right or wrong here, but to help people who deserve a favour, it makes me feel so useful and not an incompetent person as I thought when I faced someone better and having higher performance than me, at least I’m useful somehow in this world.
By far one of my favorite TEDTalks ever. I hope this spreads like wildfire, I’m definitely going to be part of the spreading!!! If I had been a protected giver, my life would’ve gone very different... grateful for my struggles, but excited to be a part of this change ♥️
I'm not a giver, taker or matcher. I'm a joker I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight poker. I play my music on the sun.
*in
It's "toker," not "poker," you perv. :P
I'm a rambler, a gambler, I'm a long way from home.
Midnight talker!
Poor guy
As a giver I completely agree that we get burnt out super easily. I work as a hostess at a restaurant and I usually end up doing half of the waitstaff's jobs as well as my own, and I have 90% of the shifts even though there are three other hosts because I can't say no to helping out. Managers wouldn't give me a break for 10+ hours because I wouldn't ask for one and I'd help others so they could be on break instead. I couldn't handle it anymore and quit after three months, and even then I gave almost three weeks of notice because I wanted to make sure they'd have time to hire someone that I could help train so that they wouldn't be without a decent hostess. Only 6 more days to go and I cannot wait to leave, but at the same time I feel so bad for the other people that can't rely on me as much anymore.
I am curious - how did your life go on after that?
i was so afraid that this was going to be in support of being a taker and pretend that our value lies in our economic productivity, but pleased to say i was wrong.
(11:47) This part really resonated with me. It’s the perfect question when considering applicants. May just have to steal it. Also, couldn’t agree more about learning so much about someone based on how they interact and treat service professionals. Great lecture!
In the comments and everyone who's watched this video: "Oh yeah, I'm definitely a giver." You might want to take the narcissist test again :) Everyone loves to be perceived as the good guy, but not many are willing to admit their faults.
Also, by his logic, being a giver ultimately results in being more given to you. That sounds like a taker tactic to me :).
P I'm a codependent nutcase. If that's not a giver, nothing is
I am a taker, deal with it givers?
As both a narcissist and a taker, I can say that the test is flawed. I read both steps before even beginning the first step. I like to know what all the steps are before I begin. Also, I don't consider either to be a fault.
Blood Angel Im am also a narcissit on the lower end of the scale...
Adam -Are you a giver or a taker? Me -I'm not gay!!
Rui Manuel You didn't answer the question. Don't be shy.
millions of straight guys like butt play ;)
Well you don't have to get defensive about it...
Rui Manuel best joke on this topic video
Rui Manuel 😂😂😂😂
This was actually a really comforting listen. I consider myself to be a giver, and most of my coworkers takers. It's a pretty toxic work environment, and I usually get lower test scores that most of the takers. But it's nice just to hear it said that givers can still cause a net gain, even if it is tiring and feels unrewarding. Helps keep me going a bit.
Dear Adam, really really thank you for your precise speech. When I listened to your concept about takers and givers for first time, I thought as if someone is reading my thoughts that were based on a long and heavy experiences. I got stunned how people think alike. You can count on me to make a world where givers succeed.
I'm a giver who is dealing with 4 successive burnouts :D The emoticon was sarcastic I'm suffering.
:D /s
same. age 45 and finally learning to not burn out, I do 'hourly checks' with myself when I'm super low energy, in a nice quiet place, and am reminded of self-care needs I may have forgotten. Slowing down that way also allows me to get out of a sort of unconscious flow of movement that many get into in a workplace, it sometimes allows me to simply see I'm doing too much. Women Who Give Too Much was a good read too.
easytoslip I know I’m 11 months late but thank you so much for sharing this it has helped and soothed me so much!
I saw Dr. House. I clicked.
Yingdi Han for me it was Stewie
I was looking for this comment lol
I'm for sure the agreeable giver. My husband calls me his little hippy. I teared up at the end when talking about the burnout. I'm always exhausted and so rarely get a break because most people around me are takers. I'm always feeling left behind and ignored, not listened to as authority on things even when I know better then those I work with. I'm looked at as a slacker, yet I'm always working. To much of helping others. I get used a lot. Thank you for this TED talks.
If you know your getting burned out because people are taking then I must encourage you to stand up for yourself. If you know people are taking too much from you then you must stop giving it to them. You are in control of your life. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. I learned that how we view and hold ourselves around other people determines how they view us. This world is yours don't let anyone take it from you.
I was a giver but I was used a lot of times and became a matcher.
perhaps one of the best Ted Talks I've heard - as I'm listening, I'm thinking about 2 extraordinarily different work places I've worked, various co-workers, past relationships, family dynamics - UNREAL. This talk was so incredibly relevant. Well done... this is a keeper. √√√
givers get hurt the most though .. stepped on n stuff
Melek xo that's part of it, you just have to believe that the good you are causing is worth all the suffering.
Hurt??? This is about work not Feelings 🙄
Alfredio d' joliette chill this is just my pov and who says u can't be hurt at work??
Oki tru thats why after I feel like giving up on ppl .. I always return to givin em one more shot 😂
Givers don't get hurt the most. Takers in a disguise of a giver get hurt. Giving is the action of simply giving something without expecting anything in return for the good of that person or that company and so you give and keep moving forward. But if you give and you expect something good in return then sorry am going to mess it up for you but you are not a giver at all. And you'll get hurt. Try to differentiate it, giving is the act of giving without expecting anything in return and that's why givers are the most successful because they give and move on with their lives without even caring about anything in return but life always gives them something good back and they don't even notice it's from what they gave.
Finally someone understands the givers. Thank you sir
I'm a giver with boundaries and I work with takers. The sad thing is most of my colleages are wrapped up in their own egos and selves not realising we are there for the greater good (the patient) and if we all rowed in the same direction more would get done instead of turning on each other and choosing to see the common ground. I treat others as I want to be treated and just internally chuckle that those takers think I am weak because I am a giver, WRONG it takes real courage to still give with an open heart after suffering nothing but hurt as their behaviour is a reflection on them.
I love this, i think that KZhead is a great place for givers to give without getting burned out, they don’t have to work with takers or anybody they don’t want to and they can keep giving to their fans no matter what
love things like this. the world is full of far too many takers
There is a kind of pleasant feelings in helping others which A taker can never feel. In the world of I, me and myself, Being a giver is the privilege.
I struggled when I came to the realization that I was a giver and was surrounded by takers in every part of my life. The realization was brutal, because it was learning about significant people in my life. But it was needed and I have been on a quest of trying to be myself authentically but not expendable. It is not an easy balance. However, I am grateful this talk, will have to read more into it.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I like the classification system and the goal of making organizations more friendly and rewarding for givers.
I think we need to create positions for givers to give effectively, accommodate their skills, particularly the critical ones who are willing to say the things that are the most difficult but also the most beneficial. They have the heart to give & the mind think about & to know how to do it best.
0:21 the guy pointed at the stage, epic
Am I EVER grateful I have stumbled across this exceptional TED Talk, thank you so much for this presentation!! This was FANTASTIC! 💜💜💜👏👏👏
He said at the start that he's not touching on psychopaths, so I'll do it briefly. I'm a psychopath. Or should I say I've been diagnosed with ASPD and am more likely to be a psychopath rather than a sociopath given the results of the tests that have been done. I'll give at first. Then I'll take and keep on taking until you begin think something is off. Then I'll give a bit more again, make it look like I'm going out of the way to reassure you that I'm a nice person. Then I'll take even more. Rinse and repeat. If you start to catch on but I still have use of you, then I'll threaten you. If I have something on you then I'll blackmail you, but if I don't then violence always solves the world's problems. But I'll only take it as far as the risk vs reward goes. If I feel like you're more of a problem than you are a benefit then I'll make sure you're far away from me by using manipulating someone else to get rid of you or by getting everyone to hate you so that you leave voluntarily. If I find myself giving more than I'm taking, then it's because I'm building a safety net for myself. Making myself look good for someone that could determine my future kind of thing. For example I had recently been made redundant at work, however I had made sure to make a lasting impression on some higher ups and stayed in touch with them over this COVID thing. All I did was tell them that I was a little worried, they asked what about and I told them I was being made redundant. I didn't have to ask them anything. The next consultation meeting comes and the first thing that's said is "There have been some changes made and you're no longer in the selection pool for redundancy". I wasn't taking from these higher ups, I was purely giving to them. But I did it for that moment, just in case something like that happened. I'll never give more than I'm taking without a reason to. So I'll almost always get what I want out of givers and matchers. I'll manipulate and use takers in order to direct people's attention away from myself and also I'll use them to push away people that have caught on. In general I just give and take in a way that I see as being the most efficient method to achieving my goal. I'm quite like a Machiavellian in that way; that I use both good and bad means to achieve my goal simply because I recognise it as being more efficient. The result is all that matters. If I can use the moral method to achieve my goals, I will. Because it will leave people with a good impression of me which makes my life easier. But if using the immoral ways to achieve my goal is the better way to do so, then I will use that. The only difference between me and a Machiavellian is that I don't care about other people and what happens to them. In fact I don't care whether I achieve my goal or not. I just do it because I'm bored and it's interesting to create some drama and see how people move to my will. I'm also hoping for a challenge since I usually get what I want without effort. To the point that if someone takes advantage of me, I won't be angry, I'll find it fun. I'd have found a new toy to play with until it breaks. So that's a psychopath's view on giving and taking.
This doesn't feel authentic. That part of not caring whether one's goals are achieved or not seemingly covers the motivation for writing an insightful comment which by itself, was it true, would be a valuable revelation of psychopath's perspective, therefore an act of altruistic giving, coming from the person extremely disinclined for such. Why take any risk of cracking the safe anonymity of channel? For fun only? Maybe. Life must be unbearably empty when there's nothing higher out there. But why make an effort of introspection at the first place? And then go on exposing the desolation of your soul publicly instead of using self-know to apply better concealment and cunning techniques? Aren't those the only means of reaching happiness through interactions with others for people lacking neural linkage to experience joy in sharing common goods? So, probably just a sociopath-wannabe-psychopath.
Great and revealing chat. He's made me realize somehow why some people are so indifferent sometimes.
Thought provoking, moving, and very helpful. Thank you for sharing the work you have done!
More and more I realize protecting the givers is so important, otherwise these great people will become jaded by the selfishness of those around them. And givers need to learn to stand up for themselves sometimes, it’s OK to say no sometimes and it’s OK to be a receiver sometimes.
I am a giver who has reached burnout . I was naive about all the takers in my life and oblivious about what exactly all the takers wanted from me. Because of my giving nature and lack of boundaries, I have allowed so many toxic people into my life . Now I know better and I am sad about the realization that most of the people ( not all ) are out to extract what they can from you/ me. I had to find my balance ( still working on that ) between people-pleasing and being an empath that wishes everyone the best life has to offer.
I'm at 9:00 and I'm feeling pretty bad for the takers right now. Thought he was gonna fit them in at some point. My thoughts at the end: "Well he must be a giver. He's got a lot of courage to speak like this"
I think disagreeable givers are the best, "Do what is right because it is right"
(We all have moments of giving and taking... and sharing and receiving)Outstanding !
Definitely a matcher. My sister made me coffee in January and I paid her back last week. I never forget so don't worry. I can remember almost all favours that people owe me and definitely all the ones I do to them.
I really needed to hear this .... Thank you. I'll happily live in your world 🙋
YOU ARE AWESOME, thank you for this, it put new thoughts in my mind that I needed to hear and will learn from
Balanced approach is the best way .
LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED THIS TED TALK. THANK YOU MR. GRANT!
8:36 "great! That person can do all our work!" lol so true
The five-minute favor is a great way to increase value for others, which improves your own chances of success, at a low cost of effort. Great video!
Brilliant! I loved his way of deep breathing more than the speech. 💛
This statement is absolutely astounding to me: “the more disagreeable, skeptical and far more likely to go to law school”. I went to law school and never before that had I met so many disagreeable, critical people. It was a difficult time for me and only slightly worse was when I worked at a large law firm where there were so many selfish people. I decided that I did not want to be a lawyer if I could only work at a law firm. So I now work as a government attorney.😊
Very good speech. Love it!!! Thank you!
I never approach a situation as a giver or a taker. What can you do for me/what can i do for you is an odd approach. I'm more of a matcher I guess.
It's an exceptional video that I have never seen before. As an Asian first-daughter, I constantly bear the weight of significant responsibilities that others expect from me. Because I perceive it as my personal duty, I find it challenging to seek help from others. However, people around me continue to seek assistance from me. Now, I realize the importance of being more assertive and learning to say no. Moreover, I aspire to contribute towards creating a society that values and protects individuals who are generous with their help.
This lecture and his other TED talk about the minds of great thinkers/ originals, ARE BOTH PURE GOLD. p.s. anyone who watches videos like this or educational/ self development, videos, should take notes so you can reflect and make this information, knowledge you can use, not something that goes in one ear and out the other.
We’re on a taker hunt and don’t think we don’t know how to weeeeeeed em out
I am the undertaker. Rest in peace.
fantastic talk thank you! so glad that a physician friend steered me your way-I strive to always be a disagreeable giver thank you for the great points, I learned a lot and it definitely rings true with my own experience in life and the work place!
Thank you Mr. Grant and TED foundation, words to live by