Realities of Life With A Narcissist | Therapy & Theology
In this episode, Lysa TerKeurst; Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress; and Proverbs 31 Ministries' Director of Theological Research, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, discuss how to have a confrontational conversation with a narcissist - without being too confrontational. As a reminder, these episodes are not to victimize a person who struggles with narcissism but rather to shed light on this very real but often overlooked topic in the Christian world.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that requires a medical diagnosis. Proverbs 31 Ministries does not condone labeling another person with a personality disorder. Please see the links below if you need help finding a Christian counselor.
Helpful links from Lysa TerKeurst and the Proverbs 31 Team:
- Not only is it OK for us to identify concerning behaviors and harmful actions against us, but it is biblical. Download Lysa’s free guide “Is This Normal? 15 Red Flags You May be Missing in Your Relationships” here: proverbs31.org/read/resource-...
- Get your copy of Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” here: www.p31bookstore.com/collecti...
For further reading on narcissism, Lysa and Jim recommend “The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists” and “The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection.” Please note, these are not biblically based books but would be helpful if you’re struggling to cope with a narcissist.
If you need help processing tough trust issues, we recommend finding a Christian counselor you can trust. The American Association of Christian Counselors is a resource you can trust to find the right counselor for your specific circumstances. www.aacc.net
I have to separate from my husband for my emotional health, 17 years of this. 😭 God give me strength and open the door ❤️ Amen
Hugs to You! Glad you’ve found the answer to getting your life back
praying for you! You are not alone!
Thank you ❤️
I have been married to a covert narcissist for 16 years. No one believes me. He has pinned a few family members against me. We have done Christian counseling on and off for years. No one is catching it. I just realized this. All these years. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I can not work at this time because I have Graves Disease (autoimmune disease). I often feel crazy. He is very shy out and about and pits his best self out there. No one believes me how he is at home. I know God can heal him. I just don't think he's open to hearing from God. I'm so scared. He controls the finances. I can't get out or get the help I need because I can't pay for it. We have 3 children.
I will be praying for you im in the same situation i understand how hard this is
It is so good to see a Christian address this issue, very encouraging.
I started researching narcissism years ago and had to dig deep on KZhead to find anything about the connection between narcissist and the demonic. Wasn't many Christians speaking on it. Now there is so many professional Christians therapist, pastors, ministries ect speaking about it now.
Thanks for watching, Carmen!
Kris’s Reese on KZhead. Christian woman counselor has great information about Narcissists on why’s and how to handle them. Also, 2 Timothy chapter 3, Revelations 2 on the church of Thiatara. Jezebel and Ahab.
Agreed!
A relationship with God is recieving love, joy, peace. He loves us, he cares for us. A narcissist only loves himself.
I wish you guys were around 24 years ago when I had no idea what was going on with my husband and why he did what he did. But God did see me through as I clung to His Word and now I am truly free🙌🏻🕊 I pray for those that are struggling now with this same dilemma especially after investing time money and children for years. It is abuse and Jesus has set us free🙌🏻🕊
Did God heal him?
@@elmariemostert6088 Not yet. I had to divorce him. He started using methamphetamines and dealing. I walked away from our home and all we had becoming a single parent with no support. My ex husband is currently living with his parents and lost everything we had but God restored me and provided for me and my children. I am now remarried to a man of integrity and all my needs are met PRAISE GOD‼️🙌🏻 My children still struggle from past trauma from him. I hope this information helps.
Ditto
Thank you so much! I was married to a Covert Narcissist for 45 yrs. And lived in a family narcissist system all thst time also. He was a serial adultor and had an addiction to Porn, contracted HPV, Which developed into Throat Cancer. He died in 2022. The teams I suffered after his death was so damaging that I felt I would never recover. The emotional abuse was horiffic. It has taken me almost 2 yrs in therapy to put my life back together. But thanks be to God who I never let go of has kept me and sustained me through it all. I have since moved away from his family narc system and made a new start. Thank you again! Blessings to all who have suffered from narcissist abuse and YES God can heal you!! Healing in N.C.....Blue Sky's and New Dreams!! Thanks Lisa!!!
I am so very sorry you endured a marriage with a narcissist for so many years. I am glad you are free now and on the road to healing. Your story sounds like what my sisters is. She has been married to her narcissist husband for 10 years now. She separated from him last year for 9 months but sadly returned to him inspite of my and my family's pleadings not to return to him. My heart has been heavy and feels torn to shreds over her bondage with him. I guess my question is, if you had a sister what would you have wished she said/did during your years married to your narcissist husband? I love her dearly and have used scriptures to show her he is unsaved and she does not have to stay and yet she stays. Is my best course of action to pray? Never confront brother in law, never try to approach my sister again bc it needs to be her decision to leave him? They will be here for 3 days this Christmas Christmas and I am at a loss of what to do. If you do choose to reply thank you and if not I understand,that also.
Hi Elaine, me too 35 years married. We are separated and it’s still bad. I wish I had more people to talk about the abuse
29 years here! Divorced last month. He was a serial cheater. Even spent time in prison for sex crimes. He’s out there again living his life while my grown daughters and I are grieving. 😢
I spent 35 years with a covert narcissist. He wasn’t who I thought he was when I was love-bombed in the beginning. That person didn’t exist. He was a serial adulterer and I didn’t even know until later. I just trusted him and believed in him. Kept making excuses for his strange behaviors. So much confusion and pain. Took me years to process everything that had happened.
Thank you SO much for shining light on this issue. Being married to a narcissist is the HARDEST thing I have ever done.
Me too.😢
Ditto
Hardest and least rewarding
Thank you so much for addressing this topic I was with my ex-husband for five years who is a narcissist. It was hell! He was never truthful when being diagnosed by professionals, so he hasn’t had a true diagnosis and he knows that. It’s one of the things he likes to say that he’s never been diagnosed. He has paranoid personality disorder, and some other stuff but it was all directed towards me. I have been in recovery from codependency for five years now and I’m still growing and learning by the grace of God he took me out of that Egypt. In 2018, I was saved by Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, my ex is very good at manipulating people even people that have been walking with the Lord for a really long time so now he’s being raised up as a pastor at a new church. Even the churches that we were at before either didn’t know how to come alongside us or me, or he didn’t want to stay because they were addressing the problem and he didn’t want people to know. It was literal hell, but Jesus is walking me through all that PTSD I had with my ex. 🙏🏼✝️🙌🏼💜
Was married to one for 25 years. I relate to losing yourself or your identity. Thank you for bringing attention to this because people need to watch out for them.
God is not narcissistic!!! He is holy and pure and all good. He is love.
Amen
The safest, healthiest thing to do is get away if you suspect this -- the sooner the better -- because the longer you are in a relationship with someone with these tendencies, if you have children with them, the HARDER it is -- almost impossible -- trauma bonding takes place and you feel stuck because your self esteem, self confidence, worthiness and value has been destroyed.
Excellent series. Having had a couple bad experiences w/narcissists I have learned I cannot have these persons in my life. No respecter of boundaries- grant them an inch they want a mile. Draining. It really feels like a vampire like experience- the draining both physically & mentally.
Exactly!
Beautiful! Thank you on behalf of everyone struggling with a narcissistic situation!
Thank you God for this explanation!!! I am NOT crazy!!!! I feel free---thank you so much for talking about this. This is not a topic you can just ask people about.
Mirroring back to God what He says is mirroring truth and love. Plus God does not gaslight us, abuse us or mistreat us. God gives us freedom and choice.
This year I am reminded by GOD everyday that I am not a slave like I was conditioned by my family how to be..sad really because mother loved herself sooo much, and chose herself everytime...yet thought me to be a slave
God is truly the opposite of a narcissist because a narcissist is operating out of demonic influence. The devil is the original narcissist. He wanted to be God.
I totally agree with you. Because one of the things that narcissistic truly lack is empathy. Empathy is of God which is his main characteristic. And jealousy is another characteristic against God. So you said this so well. Thank you 🙏
Spot on! 💯
Your comment is spot on.
Also God is a giver. He gave his son, Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit. God is the giver of life. Narcissists are the opposite because they only take. They will steal your joy, peace, happiness, mental well being. The only thing narcissists will offer as a byproduct of the taking is death.
Yes! God is so generous and merciful
Love that answer “you could be right”. In a fit of rage, and while going round the kitchen like a boxer in a ring, my estranged narcissistic husband moved from calling me a controller and manipulator to accusing me of having a Jezebel spirit and how I needed to go and get deliverance. So quietly I just said OK, if come with me I’ll go. Strangely that was never mentioned again.
I taught my children and practiced the phrase, "You're probably right". This may have kept the home more peaceful for that time.
That's spiritual abuse. Iniquity, twisting of scripture for only their benefit or to blame. Not Biblical, more what the Pharasies did. How did God deal with Pharoah? Nebucanezer? Saul? That gives you an idea of how God deals with them. Not fawning and pleasing them, bowing down. But straight confrontation. So many women as they heal in their minds, they rage at the lies . Just as Jesus did when they tried to trap him with scripture. You had a great response!
Sometimes the one you need to trust and get help from is the best divorce lawyer you can afford.
Hahaha yup
I tell you, it is draining... It takes energy,but i had to end contact with that person.
God bless you 🙏❤️
I have been sober for a few years and I now realize every time I spend time with a narcissist I want to drink. Because you feel like you're suffocating
@ somethinggood- Wow! I remember when I was so depressed after finding out he had been physically cheating on me, not just emotionally (as I deluded myself into thinking). I have never been a drinker. Not even an occasional glass of wine or anything (probably thanks to an alcoholic father and teetotaler mother). But oh how I wanted to believe that getting drunk would fix it all. Living with my narcissist husband taught me how it is possible to become so despondent that you would commit suicide, even murder of your children so as not to subject them to the narcissist without your protection, and also how easily anyone could drink to try to stop their pain. I opened the fridge one day, saw his bottles of wine, and stared and stared. The devil was telling me to drink them. That it would help. But praise God I did not. Stay strong. Trust God and stay connected to Him by spending personal time with Him daily. He can get you through anything. Allow Him to be "the air you breathe"
@@redlover5088 amen!!! So good. : ))
Yes!
Yes !! I never realised that but I do too
Tis true.
This man KNOWS his stuff. Pure Wisdom.
What an eye opening this video is. I’m married to this person and just recently discovered it. I’ve been married for almost 15 yrs. Leaving is complicated! I pray and continue to educate myself.
Absolutely agree and am in the same season with 3 kids and a home. Feeling more like a maid and a nanny than a wife! So true what they said about them wanting us to be the problem! I hope you’re doing better! I pray you completely heal. I’m healing from codependency and am doing better
Thank you so much. I'm marriage to this man that likes to control everything, I believe he's a narcissist. I feel lost & tense when I'm around him. I'm learning & educating myself to be strong for me, I'm going to seek counselling for myself.
Sounds like you are me…been married 15 years too but I discovered this whole narcissistic thing about 5 years ago.
Same here. Married for 35 years. Thanks God kids are grown. He had cancer and in the last 4 yrs it has been bad. He is not the same. I want out. But feel guilty for the way he is now and he uses it for self potty, victim mentality. I’m praying for a way. I’m 62 yrs and don’t work full time. 😢
I am living this right now and I am so ready to leave... I just feel aweful for my daughters they are grown now and I just feel like it is time for me to actually start living💔🙏🏼
Yes, just came to realize I am married to a covert narcissist. He hasn’t been diagnosed, just everything described matches almost perfectly. It’s painful. Couldn’t understand what the issue was at first, until I got to a breaking point. After fifteen years of very toxic cycles of fighting, I was emotionally immature in my reactions and never dealt with the traumas. I kept being blamed as I had issues, and I was the only one that needed counseling. I learned he is an avoidant attachment style, and I was an anxious attachment style. He did not like the word “no” and would rage to shut me up. When I would react to his stonewalling, he would say, “see, how crazy you act”. It was just pure insanity. He was never sorry, never apologized and still to this day will relentlessly blame you as the problem and he is the forever victim. We have two adult children from a previous marriage that do not have a relationship with him, and two children of our own. I have been trying to save the marriage, but I understand that he will never change, let alone, probably will never receive the Holy Spirit. Our youngest child has special medical needs so I quit my job to stay home with her so I have no income or a way to leave. I feel stuck. 😢
We're praying for you right now, friend!
Could you call the domestic violence agency and speak to them? They could help you.
You cannot reason with a narc. They do not care about your feelings and if they know they hurt or insulted you it energizes them. They now have ammo to use on you again and again. There are far better books to teach you how to deal with a narc. The best approach is grey rock and no contact if possible.
Agreed. Pray for them from a distance.
Can you tell me some books that are helpful?
Great book on this is "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage" by Leslie Vernor.
That is a very good book! I think the author is Leslie Vernick - she also has KZhead videos.
Well said!!! Its NOT worth it!! 😊 I've had a narc MIL 20 yrs, 3 narc relationships, now a narc son in law. I'm tired of "putting out fires (lies)".
Joel...when you spoke about the hope in Jesus to bring healing and create a new heart, quite apart from any particular or specific issue (narcissism or any other issues we may face) I could feel the hope and peace and relief that is a reality because of Jesus. I can't explain except to say -- the Holy Spirit spoke through you giving me hope and joy and comfort in dealing with life in general. We need to constantly be being drawn back to the source of all life and abundance and healing...God, our healer of all things, Jesus!
Amen!!
Thankyou for your post. Empath - Jesus keeps telling me to love. Keep loving. Do you, draw your strength from Me. Stay true to where I have placed you. Keep your eyes on me. You are not alone.
@@susang5445 this is what I feel He's saying to me. This was my confirmation. God bless you ❤️🙏
Narcissist are very very very deadly and dangerous people which was not even touched on...they are demon possessed In all their schemes and manipulations/ witchcrafts ...the average spouse is so out of their league ...obviously or they wouldn't be a spouse!
Amen!!
Thank you for bringing this topic up in relation to Godly ideals. There is much information on KZhead on this subject, but nothing relating it to Christians in these relationships.
I cannot express enough the gratitude I have for this series!!! I pray for more!! Thank you!! Definately a God send!!! Your own vulnerability, Lisa, the examples as you walked through, the knowledge, wisdom, Christ- centered, all is helpful beyond explanation, AND eliminates the stigma and exemplifies the necessity of both therapy and theology! Praise God, indeed! A long time in coming, through your own pain, but oh so worth it as God helps me through!! And I am certain, countless others! THANK YOU!!!
I've been struggling with this so much as two people very close to me are (diagnosable) narcissists. One is covert and one is overt. Recognizing the covert narcissist after they have been in your life for years or your whole life; is like waking up out of an emotional-relational coma. I've had to cut them mostly out of my life because those connections were destructive and draining. I feel guilty not continuing to try; to try to inspire them to look into a relationship with Jesus. But of course I cannot save them; which I think is a common trap. We can support one another of course but like bringing a horse to water.....THAT PERSON has to choose to let Jesus in, they have to choose to let go of their "ego" problems.
Very well said! I’m 42 and God started revealing so much to me last week. It’s like I had on blinders and didn’t even know it. My entire life. From a parent to more than one marriage/relationship. One that almost cost me my life. But boy do I see it now❤️🩹
So very true. God will not make them.
i really believe when we are healed from hidden pain by connecting to it, we will change, new neural pathways form and narcissim is healed
We can heal from being abused once we get the abuse stopped. My ex doesn't know he has these issues, the rest of the family doesn't believe it either. I've been out for about 2 years after 2 1/2 years of praying. Healing is feeling good, but still have lots of pain at times
I have listened to what has been said. Very interesting topic and great wisdom on Narcissits. But where i disagree is when the gentleman says that narcissists are not aware of their behaviours. I believe that every one should be accountable for their behaviour. Otherwise why do people go to hell. Everyone should know right from wrong. I believe that narcissits know what they do and they know the difference. They are intelligent people. Why do they know who they can prey on if they arent aware.
I agree with you. God bless you 🙏❤️
They are aware
This has a leaning towards mental gymnastics. In our weakness God is made strong. Humble yourself and turn it over to God it is too much to bare to much. Take His yoke upon you it's not yours to bare. Repent from trying to figure it out with your own understanding. Idolatry. Your not crazy... that's what the enemy wants. Pray for them to be changed.. and even more for you to be changed into the character of Jesus to not gratify the flesh trying to be their conscience. God is always going to work it out in you first. The Spirit will flee call in the name of Jesus. The enemy wants you to put all your efforts into this person or even your own tendencies, it's futile. Victory is were we start from in Christ. Seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Speak the truth in love not shame and blame anyone for your own feelings. I pray to be set free from my sinful patterns I pray you will too.
Amen
Much appreciated of videos on this topic as so many of us are suffering with boundary/guilt/shame/forgiveness issues with having Narcissistic parent. As a Christian, God called us to Honor our Parents regardless our parents deserve it or not. Video on how to honor our toxic parents biblically would be so helpful. People can go No contact with others, even divorce their partner but when it comes to biblically honoring our toxic parents, many loving and kind Christians have trouble knowing how to draw proper boundaries while obeying God's commends. Even forgiveness is extended, trust was broken and cannot be restored with Narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents have no remorse and don't take any responsibilities for anything, period. Biblical guidance would be greatly helpful! Blessings,
If your parents are drawing you into sin due to you responding to their unjust treatment of you in the flesh - your soul is at stake. They are in sin the way they treat you to start with, so the relationship is unfruitful on both sides. We need to keep our oil lamps full no matter what. My husband and I are going through this right now with his parents. We are stepping away from them, praying for them, and if they are ever financially destitute or homeless we would help them. We will not, however, go to hell for them.
Henry Cloud has a discussion on how to deal with narcissistic parent
They are influenced by the spirit of jezebel and Leviathan to create confusion, chaos, destruction, strives, etc
I appreciated this. One part I don’t agree with was stroking the ego or placating a narcissist and their abuse over others. I would not say to their tear down, lies, inflated egos that they are interesting, I won’t think about it later, and their damage is not a “good point.” It’s time to remove yourself from destructive situations and pray for the narcissist.
I didn't know about narcissists. I do now that I figured out it's what my husband is. I've read the 5 love languages, how to have a better marriage without talking about it. Everything that the bible says about marriage I've been doing my best to do. I pray all day long. I don't want to break my vow to God or I would have been done. God bless me and anyone dealing with a narcissist in Jesus name Amen. I feel foolish and he feels nothing. What can I do?
Dont fall into the guilt trap thats the cycle a woman does to keep the crazy train cycle going fall forward not backwards
My heart goes out to you....
At first I felt guilt separating from violent, addicted narc spouse. Did I let God down. The Lord TOLD me to let him go. My spouse tried to kill me. God hates divorce but he hates abuse too.
Read "The Bible doesn't tell me so" by Helen Paynter. You will soon understand that God hates divorce but that because of the abuse. The abuse is the one that breaks the marriage covenant. The decision is yours but if God is telling you to get out, then do it! I did the same and recently filed for divorce as my husband applied the "silence treatment" on me. It was just me looking back and waiting for him to realise what he did to us and ask me to come back. He never did and changed the door lock all in silence mode. God took me out for a reason!
I have longed for help in dealing with a sister with this issue my whole life. As the youngest ,compliant daughter; I was taught to be both the stage ,and the audience in order to keep peace in the home . As an adult ,I've tried confronting her to make her aware of what she's doing ,and how we've all walked on egg shells around her . Well, that went over like a lead balloon . Now I understand why !! I praise God for these segments. I'm unable to afford counseling, so this is a HUGE blessing!
We are so glad this has been a blessing to you!
My sister is an abusive, alcoholic narcissistic of the highest order. I've tried to keep my distance and when around her I am gentle and kind. Doesn't work. My issue is our parents are elderly and sick ...so I have to talk with her about their care. Any suggestions? I'm unable to cut her out of my life.
Thank you Joel for standing up for the average Joe! The struggle though is knowing it’s not worth it, but feeling trapped because the person I’m experiencing this with is my husband. 🤦🏻♀️
My current experiences! I pray that you completely heal sweety
Im too in your situation
me too what do we do ? part of me says God is bigger than this issue but I also feel sick to my stomach my heart wants to do whatever God wants me to do but I don't know what that is 😔
@@miabeebe9055 I am glad to see I am not alone but I feel your pain too.
Finally putting a name to the problem has been mind blowing. Thankful to finally understand why I was going in circles with no progress. But really not knowing what God wants me to do. This video was so heartening and encouraging. I love that they bring therapy and theology together. We need so much more of these types of teachings!
These podcasts are so helpful as our eldest son and daughter-in-law fall into this category. At this point they have walked out of our lives (with our 1st grandchild on the way) but we pray consistently for new hearts. We have set our boundaries and have laid these 2 who we love at the foot of the cross.
God Bless you. I am so sorry for your pain❤️🙏.
Praying for you
My son is a narcissist and I pray for the Lord to replace his heart of stone with one of flesh. I will not be surprised if my experience becomes yours. I’m sorry for the grief you bear
A true Narcissist does not give. God gives all the time. He gave us the gift of Himself so we can be free. He has paid the ultimate price. Narcissist don’t pay for anything
😂😂😂Yes!! Both of the narcissist videos have me tearing myself apart!!😂😂😂I keep trying to see if I have those characteristics. THANKFULLY, he said as you see, "oh, I have done that!" That means we are self aware and aren't a narcissist! 😅Whew!!! I am definitely going to go to the Lord and tweak the areas I do relate to, though.
My husband told pastors when we have counseled that I am the narcissist. The pastor says he is right because I say I alot. He doesn't even hang around me or know me. He would spend his paycheck and mine too for first 25 years. Last 17 years had put soc sec check in own account for self preservation. Lost houses and cars. No accountability. Rage in a car because I not feel safe when he driving to fast or too close.
I pray you got away from him!
I can relate to the rage in the car! Speeding and slamming on the brakes over and over!
14:43 Joe asks the question many of us might have been wondering about: "how does a narcissist or the person with those tendencies become aware?" I love Jim's answer in that he acknowledges the limitations on 'treating' narcissists but still provides us with very practical approaches to the matter. ".. it is to get them to have some level mirroring back to them. ... I feed them by giving them affirmations and and ask 'Are you open to a thought?', 'Is this how you want to live? Do you ever feel like the relationships not working?' I'm not worried about deep characterological change. I'm looking for a one degree change that I can build some safety that they'll begin to open up and sometimes it's just pure strategy to how not live as a narcissist. That may be all I get but I'm going to try at least."
Thank you for addressing this issue biblically ❤. Much needed.
Valerie Ramirez I agree with you 100%. I am well aware that he will never change. When I moved out of the bedroom into the extra bedroom. I ask if I can have the bigger room, and he said no. Which turned out to be good for me because I can watch TV in the family room, kitchen, my bedroom, and now he is isolated to his room. I had a knee replacement done on January 23rd. He volunteered to take care of me. Even though I can probably get up and cook something. I don’t. He looks like a lost dog without a head running around the house trying to please me with food changing my sheets You see I told everybody about him So I guess he’s trying to find a way to make things look better So all I can do is control myself and keep on asking them to bring me Breakfast lunch and dinner. Where are my clean clothes? Have you change the sheets if you cook something that I don’t like or feels dry I’ll make them go get me something I want like a burger with onion rings. I still know he’ll never change he’s just doing for show. So I’ll take his show and tell.  His eyes look like. A deer that just got hit by a car.  yeah, ask me why do I tell everybody our business. I told him that he is a verbal abuser and so long as everything secret it has more power and I’m taking back mine. 
Met him in church and he abused me on every level for 10 years until God ended it in a blessed divorce. He stole our business, business partners, convinced everyone I was doing what HE was doing and is in another marriage of convenience. I went on with God to wholeness but sure wasn't easy. Men need strong accountability 24-7 till they're on their death bed.
God also did what Narcissists cannot do, God humbled Himself.
I really appreciate this topic and everyone's input on the panel. I learned alot. Sometimes we don't realize the Bible holds alot of treasured truths that can aid us in our understanding of difficult situations we mistakenly get ourselves into. I thought therapy was the only way to understand this topic and I had to wait to pay for counseling and it would always be a dark uncovering. Jesus has always been the light, the truth, and the way. I felt my clouds beginning to part. Appreciate all your services.
Extremely grateful for finding your therapeutic videos! I have been struggling in placing boundaries biblically! I allowed abusive behaviors since the age of 7 and have always followed the commands of not to judge and to love in return and made myself an easy target because I wanted to make Jesus happy but was allowing these behaviors to continue.
Thanks for watching, friend!
Trusted Christian counselor you can trust is extremely rare!
Pray for one. I did and God answered. Just graduated after 3 years Jan 2023. She understood God told me it was time and no need to transfer me to someone else. The whole journey to freedom started with crying out to God. Almost 4 years out (left pandemic) and God has been faithful and didn’t allow the covert narc to drive me crazy. Also, many narcs today and taking out their estranged spouses. I thank God HE covered us. Trust God!
Im so glad yall made these videos! No one is talking about this. I read a blog once that church has become a safe haven for narcissism. What about how unbelievers think or have heard that God throws people into hell for not choosing Him? He said "They are not aware in the moment that they are doing it." Then why do they hide so much? Why do they manipulate and lie? Why do they gaslight? "There's only about 1%." Then what are we seeing in our country?
1 % is diagnosed...
There is way more than 1%
Right at the end there, " it's a good thing until it isn't". Yes, I'm still working with my church counselor on this one.
Yes. I am going through a very rough divorce getting out of a 20 year relationship with a covert narcissist and it is a true test of faith and strength. Thank you for addressing this topic! It is so hard to keep my cool and use those statements of curiosity instead of blowing up at him (which is not in my character). I think it is because he is not speaking truth and I know the truth now. The words he says are like a dagger to my character and have been so damaging also to our children and it angers me to the depth of my soul that he would hurt our family. I am not an angry person, but I have found that trying to get out of this tangled web he has woven is much more difficult than I could ever have imagined, and I am now seeing how deep the hurt goes in our household because of his choices. It is overwhelming. How do you get out of this type of relationship with children? How do you deal with the hurt of this type of relationship and find who you are again, without becoming an angry and bitter person?
Read enough is enough.
Resonate with you comment and its a long road to untangle the web of lies and deceit. My relationship with the Lord has deepened because of the bitterness and anger that arises within me because of the realisation of the enormity. By taking everything to the Lord and i mean every feeling, thought to him and seeking his truth within this helps me to get through each day. Take it one day at a time be real with how you're feeling take it God and leave it with him. This has been how i can cope. Having the right support around you too helps to bring stabilty in the caos of narc relationships. I pray that you will be stronger through this transition period 🙏
Great information, but u ended it too soon. The advice was, “get help.” True. But, I’m married to this person and it keeps happening over and over while I’m being diminished and am feeling depressed. I know that after two marriages to this person over 19 years it’s so toxic to me, but I’m a Christian and I’m married. It seems like I have no choice but to be abused whenever he feels like it. He’s not going to change...however, after countless videos and reading, this Christian series has been the most helpful. Joel, ur input was so wonderful! Thank u all for adding the theology piece bc the secular explanations leave no other choice but to go “no contact” in order to save ur sanity. To pray that God would create a new ❤️ in the person offered so much hope for me. This has certainly not the advice ud receive from anyone else out there talking about narcissism. Thank you and God bless u all for this series.
Other videos that I highly recommend looking up -which helped me the most, are ones from ‘Patrick Doyle’. Changed my life!
If I were being physically abused for 19 years, would you tell me to stay there?
So true.
A situation where everyone asked you what you have done to deserve such a treatment from a person you loved
Journey towards myself...this is so helpful
Keep people at the distance you can love them.
Wow, I love this!!!!
20 years including 14 years of marriage and I finally left my husband. 🙏 I'm so grateful for God giving me the strength and the financial means to get my apartment in another state. The trauma bond is real. I had to pray 🙏 for God to break the stronghold off of me. Glory Alleluia! I started healing when I went no contact. He continued to call me and devalue me until I told him not to call me anymore.
The trauma bond is very real. I need to go no contact, but the “good” codependent/empath that I am isn’t ready yet. I was only with my ex for three years. I am still struggling three months after leaving. I need to pray like you did. 🙏
I'd change my number. He's probably mad and obsessed and you could be in danger.
I’d also like to add that God doesn’t condone abuse at all and does not consider physical abuse and emotional abuse different, abuse is abuse. Don’t let a covenant keep you from walking away from something that isn’t sent from God. Period.
This was enlightening. Thank you
Such an important topic!! Thank you for addressing this!!
Thank You
Thanks for doing this topic Lisa.
Indeed hard to navigate this on our own. The Marriage Recovery Center specializes in narcissistic and emotional abuse. They have many helpful KZhead videos and online counselors who can help. Some book recommendations are The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick, Is it Me? By Natalie Hoffman, When Loving Him is Hurting You by Dr. Hawkins, Why Does He Do That by Bancroft and Should I Stay or Should I Go? by the same author.
What an amazing conversation. Thank you.
Great talk you guys ❤️
Thank you so much
Good information. Thank you for doing this series.
Thank you! I’m glad I was able to listen to you all teachings.
So helpful! Thank you!
This is so eye opening!!!
This chat was absolutely incredible ! Thank you so much !
with love, I would like to see Joel have more opportunity to speak.
I heard that the reason it's hard to diagnose narcissists is because they wouldn't want to go to counseling and submit to the process.
Thank you so much ,i was living with a narcissist for 12years now,praying and fasting hoping 1 day he will change.he was now at the stage where im not allowed to talk to any1 must stay indoors,i refused that ,he broke all the furniture we bought n he left.im feeling so scared right now to realise i could have been killed hoping he will change.right now i thank God he opened my eyes ,me n my baby we safe.i reported the matter to police.im getting better day by day by God's grace🙏🙏
I am asking God to cover you, keep you safe and lead you to safety and victory.
Get out. Your in danger. It's going to get worse. Even if u go to a shelter for a time..go. There are safe and clean shelters. They will help u get on your feet.
This is awesome
These two episodes are so good.
Someone who regularly and with pleasure penetrates boundaries and boundary strength...often point to themselves to define and shape your identity as well/////an ungodly grooming trap at times
Just found this and very grateful! Left an abusive narcissist and in divorce he’s stolen custody through lies and manipulations and sadly….. money. Our children are suffering, as am I. Hearing this podcast was very helpful and thank you for talking about a difficult disordered personality issue that victims are dealing with without a map.
Thank u Lisa for bringing that point up !!!
My friend is horribly locked into and suffering from an impossible situation with an evil narcissist. If they tried to say anything about wanting to set a boundary… anything… the narc explodes, and says, “If you don’t like it, get out of here!” They can’t as someone is trapped under the overt narc’s control. Also, it results in punishment.
I love you and all this wisdom!! ❤ So good!
Thanks for watching!
Excellent
thank you so much for these poscasts! They have been incredibly helpful for me!
We're glad you've found these videos helpful! Be sure to subscribe to the Proverbs 31 Ministries KZhead channel so you don't miss another episode!
Wonderful. I deeply appreciate your time putting these together.
We're glad you enjoyed it!
Our daughter passed away a few years ago. She was an amazing woman of God and full of His love. We always noticed something different about her husband all along in their marriage but we did not know anything about narcissism. Since her death it is on full display but he has no clue he is a narcissist. He has gone off the rails in sinful choices. We spoke to him in love about it and he has now cut us off and is very unkind and attacking. He is making it so difficult to see our grandchildren. I could say so much about the whole sad way it is playing out but we need to know how to love on him without feeding his narcissism, having healthy boundaries and moving forward in healing from our daughter's death.
Burgess Junk I'm so sorry you had to go through this!
I would love to connect with you. We are in a different but similar journey.
When you expose them, their shame core comes out and they will try to destroy you for making them seem themselves.
I am so sorry
I'm so sorry. May God bless yall and give yall the wisdom and peace to navigate the situation.
Thank you so much for this program. Helps to realise the truth.
Thanx very helpful indeed
Thank you - this has helped me so much. God bless your honest & easy to understand presentations. Great scripture reference at the end - Psalm 51.
Thank you so much for all you do! Such great life skills that took so many years to know it what was needed and missing! Thankful for the awakening, anchor, and discernment in God ❤️💯🙌
Dear god, I have an enermy that won’t give up, they use all there energy and time to make sure I slip and fall to everyone I know. Recently my enermy’s goal is to make sure I stay in bed all day and not do anything with my life. When I get up to go see family that when they attack and do things to get me in trouble with my family. My enemy thinks there clever. All they want is to see me hopeless and alone. Expose my enemies once and for all. Lord find it in your heart to help me. Lord I’m begging for your help. Lord I beg you show me who is doing this to my life? Lord show me this individual that wants to see me doing wrong all the time. Bring me my enemies so I can speak to them face to face and ask them why? I need closure. Thank so much lord for listening to my prayer and please respond in the name off jesus Amen
Can't wait to see what God has plan for me.Awesome 1st chapter
Thanks you for the message with the cute little assistant. God will definitely meet our needs today.
I do appreciate these videos and this topic of discussion. It is very confirming. I would love to see them discuss the everyday real life experience that one has when in relationship with a narcissist spouse. It manifests in extremely destructive, very ugly, ungodly, manipulative, exploitive, and pathilogical lying behaviors that eventually gradutate to the narcs pure hatred, revenge, and intent on destroying their victim. Some even to the degree of actuall attempts to kill their target. Additionaly many narcs will imediately turn to hatred of you if they sense that you know they are narcs and you then become a target of their destruction.
I second that !! Need emotional healing. Too much abuse !
Been in this kind of relationship for 10 years now and never really knew it was this. Constantly feeling drained, never enough and unhappy but being blamed for why I didnt receive those things. Bringing up issues then having it shut down with "most guys aren't like that" being the reason why I had to put up with this sort of behavior. I'm now trying to walk away although we have kids together, but I've drawn the line to say I can't be in this relationship any longer and its detrimental to my health, and of course he is now trying to "change my mind" and finally give me the treatment "I deserve", but I thank God for your videos because I'm now educating myself on what this is and how to deal with it so I'm not buying into any of His manipulation anymore. I want peace and happiness, and I've suffered long enough. Thank you for posting these videos and please pray for me, I hope I can walk away from this without being tormented any longer. 🙏🏾❤
Praying for you today, friend!
Whenever humans try to make themselves God, it turns evil. Because humans are not meant to be worshipped. When God, the only One worthy to be worshipped, calls us to worship Him, it is holy and pure and good. Because, only HE deserves to be worshipped.
No doubt! Absolute power corrupts absolutely!
Oh yes. Absolutely true. After a relationship with a narcissist, When I didn’t know God, I thought God was a narcissist too. However the distinction between narcissism and a call to worship God is good from evil. Narcissist are self seeking and selfish and manipulative. It’s all about self and will do evil at all cost to make oneself above everyone even try to make oneself above God. The flesh is very harmful in us all. Which is why God gave his son so we can have such an example to learn from so we can focus on a higher being outside of our own self. God’s intent is good and to not harm. A narcissist intent is to destroy and cause pain to fill their own voids. Even those damaged by narcissism develop those selfish tendencies as it really messes with the head and creates fears and insecurities and doubts of own reality But yes absolutely being self aware and honest about self and faults distinguishes a victim of narcissist abuse from the narcissist themselves. It’s really helped me distinguish between the two by beginning to understand who God is.
I enjoyed this analysis so much! Most professionals can describe the behaviors, but this is the first time seeing such a detailed explanation of the factors in childhood that can lead to it. The spiritual component made it especially meaningful also and I look forward to seeing more videos! Thank you very much!
Thanks for watching!
Hole in the bucket..so good and true