Romances in film and TV, while beautiful, are highly dramatised depictions that don't reflect reality. Even the ones that may be more down-to-earth and realistic, like One Day, can still romanticise the idea of a tragic love story.
Also, I love, love, but I need a break from romances that make me cry.
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Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:22 Two Tropes
01:07 Backburner Relationship
03:41 Right Person, Wrong Time
05:35 Hyperreal Love
09:09 Closing Thoughts
Sources
“Deconstructing The Myth Of Struggle Love” Deone Payne-James, Riposte Magazine
“Hyperreality in the 21st Century” Gillian McMurray
“Jean Baudrillard and Cinema: The Problems of Technology, Realism and History” Gerry Coulter 2010
“Has True Romance Disappeared in Consumer Society? A Morinian and Baudrillardian Reflection of the Acute Crisis of Simulation” By Keith moser 2019
“Simulacra and Simulation” Jean Baudrillard, 1981
“Are you in a backburner relationship?” Meg Walters 2024, Glamour Magazine
• Jean Baudrillard's "Si... @Valkyrist
• our conception of love... @oliSUNvia
• An Introduction to Bau... @ThenNow
• Chernobyl Show vs Real... @ThomasFlight
Music
'Hiraeth' by Scott Buckley - released under CC-BY 4.0. www.scottbuckley.com.au
Music is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license.creativecommons.org/licenses/...
[Copyright Disclaimer under Section 107 of the copyright act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favour of fair use.]
#videoessay #oneday #film #tvshow
Hope you enjoy this video - if you have other shows or films you'd like me to comment on, suggest it here forms.gle/fVt6ZbPqjDn6np417
I was scared to click on this because I LOVED the series - but I think you made great points. You can still love the Em & Dex story and hate how it turned out, but it is an example of perfectionism in romantic tropes. I think the chemistry between the actors was so good that you wanted to believe the hyperreality and root for them, flaws and all.
I still don't forgive them for that ending
I agree with you about perfectionism in romantic stories. Fantasies aren’t real. I think this story was so compelling because we can see US in their story. I loved the realism. I love the rawness. Love is imperfect but still beautiful just like life itself.
@@Niahtmareme neither
In my perspective, their story is about trust issue. Their pursue of life is totally different when they are in their 20s. Dex is all about a glamourous lifestyle while Em is kinda about pursuing somewhat of a meaning in life. She gave back the money that Dex tip her and told him that cash is never a gift. It shows how their mindset is so different. It's just their chemistry is so strong and they always kinda avoid following that attraction just because their lifestyle is so different. Does it make sense? Sorry, Eng is not my first language! Love your video, though!
makes sense
You explained it pretty well. They weren’t compatible in their earlier years, but after years of growth they got together. I agree with you that we shouldn’t base our love on movies or social media, those stories are curated.
9:36 you hit the nail on the head w 'privilege of time' - in society, as youths, we're constantly told time is on your side and that you have your whole life ahead of you. I'd say that Dexter loved Emma from the jump but also believed there was time to 'sow his wild oats' before committing to her. He loved her enough to remind her that she was worthy of being more than a restaurant worker and settling for an unfulling r'ship w Ian - both of these seemingly short convos led to her eventually becoming a successful writer and forming her own path in the world. Yes, Em DID wait for Dex, but in many respect, he also waited for her, to come into herself and believe her own worthiness - possibly due to assuming that time was on their side to do so as both were just 30 something 💔 Great thought provoking analysis - thanks for doing this ❤
oh my... when you put the normal people, lalaland and one day all together in the "right person, wrong time"category,,,, i suddenly realized this is the formula for my favorite love stories..... anyway just a small discovery, great video!!!
You realize this was a movie first and way before those :D
This actually made me cry more than the actual show
NAH FR I HAVE AN EXAM TMR AND IM IN TEARS RN
hey- omg i completely agree with you; it's so nice to see another take on this popular tv show; i actually read the book 2 years ago and watched the OG film- so I'm a big fan of this story- but ironically at the same time (i was 20 then)- i formed a crush on a dexter of my own who i met at uni! I think i was living through this 'hyper-real' lens- we quickly became very good friends - i ended up forming feelings for him, but never voiced them- bc i knew he didnt want a relationship. Like dex, he was also quite emotionally unavailable, and wanted just a casual thing. He later embarked on a casual thing, and so i finally confessed - but then i left for study exchange and tried to forget him and did in fact have a lot of fun- but looking back did some stupid things which may have been used to 'get over' him - drank a lot, partied, slept around, etc --> in my head, i didn't want to be the 'backburner' option like emma was. I then dived into a relationship the minute i came home, and even through this, i maintained my friendship with my 'dex' - and he even once stayed over at my house (just like em and dex) - during which time, i did feel some of my feelings for him come back but ofc i didnt say that bc i was already dating someone else. He went on a gap year --> after 3 months, i broke up with my bf --> me and dex grew close again and one night in august, we had a very taboo conversation about 'us' - in which he confessed he had been 'into me' for the past 6 months and ofc i still had feelings for him and said that - and so we got into this 'thing' - that was almost like dating (we were exclusive) but not quite (didnt use labels)- still i didnt care, it seemed to me we got a happy ending at last! fast forward a month later --> he texted me saying he doesnt want a relationship bc he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as he would have thought and what he feels is mostly just sexual attraction ==> basically saying he doesnt wanna commit-- but a few days later, he says he doesnt mind a 'fwb' sort of arrangement (we would still be exclusive physically but could 'act' single -- like wtf?) but i was still in love with him - so i continued bc i didnt really care about MY needs anymore - i was willing to compromise all my values and beliefs in what i thought a healthy relationship should be -- just to be with him! now comes jan - i tell him i cant do this so i stop and we go back to being somewhat friends. i go on a sort of date with a guy; but then feel guilty bc i still feel that 'dex' is flirting with him, and i feel im cheating on him by being with anyone else so i fall back february (of this year) arrives- he comes back from travelling, stays at my house for a few days and ofc i 'fall' for him all over again- he kisses me the day before valentine's and we embark on one of those dreaded but oh so delicious 'situationships' --> even after the second time of being with me, he tells me he doesnt feel anything romantic and that it is just physical -- and then when i confess my feelings, he tells me he kissed another girl on a drunken night - i am a bit shattered as you can probably tell but my self-worth is quite low- so i keep going back to him -- after i sleep with him, i usually feel guilty and horrible bc it is like lying to myself, i know it is not what i want -- i know i want something 'real' and safe and solid and healthy but i keep going bc i don't want to lose him but in march finally i broke it off- and it was hard really hard- maybe even the hardest thing i have ever done - bc to walk away from someone that you love- shit it is hard- but i look back and i realise how simple it was -- all this time - i was sustained by a myth a delusion and once i let go of this it became much easier to let him go but I agree with you 100%. - the right person won't make you doubt - they will stay and they will choose you but maybe the most important thing i learnt is that - you shouldn't wait for someone to choose you- you should choose yourself first and whoever comes along afterwards- well that is just a bonus :) this story is probably pretty cliche these days - but i hope it helps someone out there- when we are young and lonely and hurting and a bit 'hormonal' it is easy to want chemistry, and passion and excitement - it is all too easy to jump off cliffs (metaphorically) but also i think if we take some time to reflect on ourselves then we might give ourselves the best shot at leading a more fulfilling life bc like you said - there is SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN LOVE! -- you should embody love not chase it! this is another reason i ended things bc i realised just how short life was -- and i don't want to waste it being miserable or waiting for someone to love me! i want to study and travel and help as much people as i can and do stuff and dance and eat and drink and just enjoy my time :)
Thank you for sharing, especially such a personal story. I hope you're doing well and in a healthier place ❤️
Thank you for sharing! I always felt that the dex's in our lives only want us when we forget about them. Like they can smell that we are over it, so they come around to remind you that they exist.
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel reassured on the idea that there’s more to life than love. Your story also reinforced in my mind the dos and don’ts of healthy communication and trust. Thank you, and I wish you a lovely journey ahead :)
@@dontyouworryaboutme exactly.
Interesting points on the hyperreal love and closing thoughts sections. **Spoilers warning** I don' think Dex & Em have a backburner relationship, but this is more of a worry that Emma held, as shown by scenes in Greece and Paris - this then presented as a barrier of them being together. On both occasions, Dex tries to reassure her that she's not the back-up, but miscommunication and insecurities gets in the way. I have read comments elsewhere where I think there has been too much of a focus on Dex saying that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, while not fully recognising what preceded before that. Emma said earlier she no longer has a crush on him because she got to know him. It seems both of them went down the route of self-preservation and defaulted to certain behaviours because they were scared of rejection and unable to express their true feelings (Dex acted like a playboy and Em made blunt remarks). I disagree that the love was unrequited (instead unconditional) because from the beginning and throughout, Dex initiates or tries to progress their relationship (even pursing Em when he's seeing somebody else) which shows the love was requited on both sides. However, it was unconsummated for so long due to external and internal factors (e.g. Em's lack of self-worth/ esteem/ confidence, Dex's spiralling behaviours, including substance misuse and later his shot gun wedding to Sylvie etc). Their romance does seem to fit the slow burn trope. I also don't think Emma was waiting around for Dexter as she was the first of them to have a serious relationship with someone else, she then took a break from the friendship when things were not working, and she left to go to Paris to pursue a life there and nearly stayed in a relationship with Jean-Pierre. If it is argued that Em was waiting around for Dex, then it should be considered whether Dex was waiting around for Em (he did say things like - "Call me anytime. I'm not going anywhere", " I really only want you" and "I was waiting for you"). Anyway, some thoughts, sorry! The video essay got me thinking.
Love it!❤
Very insightful points, I love hearing different viewpoints cause there's never just 'one answer' or interpretation of something, thank you for taking the time to share yours
You are so ON point!
They really were both kind of wating for the other person
I didn’t expect your analysis would be this touching and professionally done 😭 What’s more surprising is that you only have 100 subs when you deserve so much more but I’m happy to be a part of the 100 :)
I like how you reflected on the show, very interesting! Yes, life is indeed so much more than a romance story. Although it is sometimes nice to let you carry away by it, in a healthy way of course. I like that both characters indeed have flaws, but they also don't deny it. Dexter admitted that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, like a lot of people during this age. And Emma did try to move on with her life after Greece, first with Ian and later on with the French guy. It was great that they chose in the series to not have grand gestures in it, which is different from the 2011 movie. It made the story more relatable. I also loved the subtle acting by Leo and Ambika.
As a 40yo who has lived through the "right person, wrong time" I really need to say that you you don't give justice to Emma's character and don't mind me saying, though you are very mature, you also show some signs of a hyperreal notion of love:) Yes, I agree with most of your points and I wouldn't want to see young girls spending life waiting for someone to change their mind (which in most cases doesn't really happen). Hence you should focus on your personal growth and happiness, just like Emma did. This is what gives her agency. She is not falling into bad relationship patterns with him, and she is calling him out for keeping her twinkle, and finally told him off when he became too toxic. So yeah, though foolish in a way, she really has her two feet on the ground, and is far from waiting for him to do things. That being said, while I agree that most people don't really change, at least not in their essence, in my own experience I can say that people make mistakes, show up in different circumstances of your life and show different levels of personal growth. You can't always be certain when a right person comes, and you may question your decisions. What is most important, and what I believe is nicely protrayed (though exaggerated) in the series, is that you find someone who finally wants same things from life and is growing in a same direction as you. Ultimately, that is the point of their elationship. They were young, he had some brutal experiences which have led him to grow in a same direction as Emma, while she just needed time to understand what she needs. She has found confidence and started placing herself first, which is really esential thing for any woman to be happy. Finally, as you said, romantic relationship is not the only thing that can fulfill your life, and many will choose to stay single, or have kids which will give other meanings, as was shown in the show. A bit longer comment, but I hope someone who reads this understands my point. Life is not black and white, you may not always be certain that the person you spend your life with is a right person. What is important is that you respect each other, support each other and are both friends and independent in a way, which finally they managed to be for each other.
I realize this video. But I will say that the trope of putting your life on hold for that one person doesn’t really apply to Emma. Emma gets into a relationship earlier in her 20s and then in her 30s outside of Dexter.
I agree, no one in the story put their lifes on hold, but it's something that happens a lot when people is guided by the notion of hyper-real love. It was worth mentioning it, but not much applicable to this story.
YOU SAID EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHOW, THIS STORY! You perfectly encapsulates my thoughts, opinions, and feelings towards One Day! Bravo!👏🏽
This is beautiful ..... you're great thank you for this revealing analysis
As someone who watched too many video essays, you did good. I will keeping my eye on you. Good job.
Thanks for making this! I needed this! Their chemistry felt so real it was heart wrenching at the end!
brilliant analysis! thank you for your insight and take on this series :) the last line is so true
Thank you for diving into the hyperreality portion. That's what I've been thinking about for ages now when it comes to romance but haven't been able to put words around it because I didn't know what hyperrealism was. Such an important thing to consider, but how do we get out of it? I am noticing recently how often I live in fantasy, expecting certain things to happen in relationships, only to remind myself "that's never going to happen, that's not based in reality". And actually, some of the things that I might hope happen (e.g., a guy turning up at my door late at night just to confess his love for me) would actually be very toxic and/or, at the very least, inconvenient.
This is one of the most beautiful videos essays ever ❤
Never heard of this movie/series, but this was a beautiful breakdown of the storyline.
This was an amazing video! You make such great and informed points while also sharing some personal details which help us sympathise on a depeer level. Thank you so much for making this! I'd love to see your tale on the Netflix show Maid. I watched it recently and it has left me with some conflicted feelings
Re footnotes v. chapters - I liked that the hint of a 'life flashing before your eyes' moment was just Emma on a swing as a kid and nothing about Dexter. I was very taken with this adaptation (not that I've read the book, though I did see a trailer for the film...). I was expecting just a Romcom and got something truly affecting.
This channel might have become my new favourite channel.
this was amazing. thank you.
Gurl you smashed this video 😍 I can’t wait for more content ❤️
i really love this ❤, hoping to see you more on my feed.
I really appreciate the influence of these tropes within this story, yet I feel in conflict with aspects of your analysis. I find the backburner trope works to express Emma's doubts about pursuing Dex, so the right person wrong time trope helps explain Dex's doubts about Emma. Through this lens, what we see is the meta conversation occurring between each of them, as she undersells herself to him, but he ignores her impact on him, they each view the other through their own shortcomings instead of recognizing the boons they provide to each other. In other words, she thinks he's shallow enough to toy with her feelings, whilst he thinks she's too good for who he is today, so instead of recognizing the truth of each other what happens is this mis-firing of intent as they each try to stop themselves from going towards each other, despite knowing what they feel. As a result, they both keep chasing their own idea of hyperreal love instead, whilst ignoring the real love they have for each other. This is what allows them to mature as individuals to the point where they accept the real love they have for each other, because they build their relationship despite their own sense of self. To contrast this to your analysis directly, Emma sees through Dex when they meet, noting the differences to her perception, so she attempts to become someone other than who he expects her to be. Whilst Dex is so impressed by Emma that he reverts to his immature world view to mask his own insecurity. As the years roll by Dex must accept the world as it is, whilst Emma must become the person she dreamed she could be. These journey's are not so different, because for Dex he is afraid of growing up, whilst Emma is unsure how to grow up. Yet the one thing they are both drawn to is each other, thus it is through each other they allow themselves to change for the better. We know this because they seek each other out despite their darkest moments, despite their own misgivings they always return to one another, because they feel able to grow with one another. So naturally when Dex finds himself without Emma, he must find it within himself to grow, which he chooses to do because of Emma. In that sense, they always find each other at the right time, not always the time they want, but they are to each other the drive to move forward, instead of a stagnant flame. Hope that made sense and was interesting, peace
I love your viewpoint!
That's an interesting perspective - thank you for sharing!
Exceptional analysis ❤
this was such a good video!!! omg i basically agree with literally everything you said like you couldn't have said it better ! and when u put normal people and la la land as an example, i basically screamed lol. this was a super cool video and kinda gave me closure with this series. so thanku
I remember watching this video when you released it, and I really like your take on this! Loved the show! P.S. I kept thinking I will comment and it came back on my recommended so here I am again hehe 💕
I love your analysis!
loved the show and this analysis
This was really good.
girl you snappped!!
beautiful. thank you for sharing.
I love your point of view!!!
You're good at this video essay thing
I rarely comment on vidoes but this was a very well-made video and I learned so much... Thank you for putting this together and bringing some really good points!
Thank you ☺️
This was a really good video
Really gorgeous, nuanced exploration of the portrayal of love on One Day! I love your use of music and the way you edited clips from the TV show and the film. Also, nice explanation of hyperreality and French philosophers takes on romance in media! liked and subbed
So well put, especially at the end! I’m such a hopeless romantic but I wish I wasn’t. I wish I didn’t see massive romances everywhere I go which make a relationship the main part of your life. Why can’t we see more films where the romance is the side part, of a bigger, more realistic story? It sort of paints the picture that being in a couple is the norm, when it really isn’t! Being single is the norm!!!! Also why can’t we focus more on love that we alllll experience in our everyday lives? We’re not always in romances, but we are always loved and loving our friends and family. It would be nice if there was more of a focus on that in Hollywood and cinema. Also I love One Day and think it was actually quite realistic in showing the more angsty and real life parts of romance. It’s not all grand gestures and you explained that well.
Definitely love their chemistry. Watched it like 5x
great video!!
Great video!
This show made me cry so bad bro
Not me crying over your video while never crying over one day :0
Great video!! :)
I understand your point but I, as a married girlie that partially identifies with dex and emma's dynamic, think right person is not about those stuff. It is about connection, about sparkle, it is something you can't tell why, but it just clicks. The way they have few things in common, different backgrounds and realities, but something about their core just combines. Both of them couldn't find that in all partners they'd been with, even though the partners had way more things in common and healthier dynamics. That's just rare. Right person. They just couldn't forget each other, let go of each other. You may think what I'm saying is some toxic romantic bullshit, but it's real. 20 years later, they ARE totally different people, but there's just that something in them, their essence, that doesn't change and that is right for each other. You can ruin this stuff, and Dex would've if he never matured, but the love is unavoidable. Representations are, too, based off reality, and this kind of crazy connection exists people! Hope y'all can find it, recognize it outside the "simulations" we're feed of, and that you make the best out of it ❤
Agreed. I'm also married and have been in relationships prior to marriage. There are different types of connections. Sometimes you just click on some level, you can't even explain what it is. It goes for sex, friendship, love, just being around each other... Emma and Dexter had that bond, it never disappeared.
Literal chills
The series broke me, I know feelings pass but rt now I have existential crisis.
Is based on a movie that Anne Hathaway did that is called One day.
both the new series and the movie are based off the book
I realized that the reason I loved this show (except for the ending, but I won't get into that) is because both of the lead characters were....not especially likable. That's the thing though, they weren't written truly as fictional characters - they were written more as hypothetical humans. Real humans are messy, boring, flawed, and often make choices based on avoiding loneliness rather than what is best for them in the long run. In regards to the "right person wrong time" trope, I do think that the show did a pretty accurate job of showing people who are more prone to certain choices after having gone through a variety of life experiences that wear them down as they learn from the risks and choices that didn't work out in the past. Basically, I'm not arguing that Emma and Dex are "meant for each other' by any stretch of the imagination, it was very believable that they got together at the time that they did based on their respective journeys. **SPOILERS AHEAD** Regarding the ending, the Netflix show was my first exposure to this source material, and when Emma got hit by the car, I assumed that she would live but wind up with some physical injury that would drastically change the course of her life (or leave her infertile, which would have made sense since that's what the rest of the episode was about.). When they made it clear in the next episode that she died, to me it felt like killing off the hero before the final boss fight. Like, I wasn't sad, more just annoyed and disappointed. To me, the last episode was just such a letdown of the entire formula of the show, which was equally about Em's character journey as it was about Dex's. If anything, the focus was MORE on Em now because the episode was setting everything up to be about Em's final challenge being to find solace in a normal, boring, monotonous life. I don't care what happens in the source material, they should have changed the ending. It left me feeling like Em was just this fridged manic pixie dream girl to teach Dex a lesson, and it was a major let down.
Great video.
ONE DAY is a very good show but it’s also a HORROR I never wish to have happen to me
What is the Korean movie that is referenced in this clip?
Past Lives
How bout one day romance with Asian men lead roles for once?
I’m sorry but Emma was giving pick me. He treats her terribly, wastes her time and always treats her like an option. I didn’t like that. Don’t get me wrong Em has problems too like you said miscommunication. But what they needed to do was to just leave each alone. Just gave desperation to me. I was a hopeless romantic but I know the difference between realness and just pure delusion. This series gave me delusion is the solution. I’ll tell you a great film 500 days of summer. That’s a really good film shows a lot of realism
The amount of times I watched 500 days of summer as a teen is unhealthy. I highly agree with you
@@TheRefinedBudget it’s such a great film!
'Love isn't a tragedy, It shouldn't be something to be mourned" ❤🩹
Amazing review this is exactly this 🫶🏽 Thanks for sharing