Interview with The Nameless Narcissist
2022 ж. 27 Қыр.
3 561 Рет қаралды
I recently had the pleasure of doing an interview with The Nameless Narcissist. If you aren't familiar with his content, he provides a fascinating first-person perspective on the experience of NPD that is honest, balanced, and well-informed. Go check it out, and then come back and leave comments or questions down below! • A Narcissist interview...
Here's a link to the interview: kzhead.info/sun/YMeldaVwqpyue58/bejne.html
Thanks so much for talking to me man! It was a blast and I learned more about pathological narcissism in an hour than I usually do in a month. I think this is one of the most education videos I've ever taken part in and I'm trying to spread it everywhere!
I'm just gonna repeat what I said before: you two should do more videos together! Keep up your good work--both of you! 👍😁
Thanks for having me on your channel! I look forward to future collaborations.
Great interview! One of the best videos I've seen on NPD, your work and any kind of brave effort from others to destigmatize narcissism are deeply needed
Wow, thank you!
This was mind-blowing, Doc! FINALLY an explanation--a non-stigmatizing one in addition--on "narcissistic abuse," and what distinguishes it from other types of abuse. This is educational excellence, thank you both for the great interview! (And please do more, ofc!) Could you cite some of the literature you mentioned? Is it accessible to the public?
Thanks for watching and for your positive feedback. :) Here are two articles by Pincus and collaborators. Cain, N.M., Pincus, A.L., &Ansell, E.B. (2008). Narcissism at a crossroads: Phenotypic description of pathological narcissism across clinical theory, social/personality psychology, and psychiatric diagnosis. Clinical Psychology Review, 28, 638-56. Pincus, A.L., & Lukowitsky, M.R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 421-446.
I'm so glad for this, thanks to the both of you!
Thank you for watching!
That was very kind of you to do the interview and very interesting as well. I would appreciate a bit of an explanation about the transient narcissism as I can relate to the little I just read on it. I had never heard of this and feel it describes best the people in my family of origin that seem to be covert narcissist's or manipulated by them. Passive aggressive is the method most used in their case I'd say and does seem to be a permanent temporary type of condition that seems to have taken place over the past 40 years. I simply went No Contact 4 years ago so I don't have to deal with them anymore as they never did meet my emotional needs growing up and after 50 years it's seem a bit pointless to keep trying to be accepted in the manner I feel I deserve. As a person who feels he has CPTSD I can relate to taking on some of the narcissistic traits from time to time temporarily over the years. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to do the interview and sharing it. Cheers
Great
Can NPD only result from neglect, or can showering a child with attention lead to the diagnosis as well? My brother has been diagnosed with NPD, but he was the most spoiled child ever growing up! Then again, I have been diagnosed with DID, so maybe my memory and the accounts of our parents are not to be trusted... - Noah
The literature typically points to emotional neglect combined with overvaluing the child for one or more “special” qualities like intelligence, being well-behaved, sports ability, etc. Essentially, the person feels unloved for who they actually are, and always feels in danger of losing the superficial “love” they receive for being special or prized if they fail to live up to caregivers’ expectations.
Knowing their point of view feels very much like I have to make room for it. I feel bad that people become mean and annoying through no fault of their own, but the fact remains they’re mean and annoying. I do hope my narc finds peace, but nowhere near me in this mortal coil.
The interview was great. Thank you both for that. I have a couple of questions: - You say that someone with a narcissistic personality style will always have a narcissistic personality style. What does this entail? I understand that, when stressed, they will revert more readily to a previous stage, but reverting is a normal thing. What is specific to the narcissistic style? - Can they ever reach a stage beyond the neurotic stage or is that the upper limit for people with the disorder? - The "having died" thing is used by some (Internet) authors (Vaknin) when describing the condition and arguing for its incurability. Seems to be a different "having died" than yours though. Have you read this author and what's your opinion on him? Thank you.
A narcissistic personality style is one in which the central tension or preoccupation is inflation/deflation of self-esteem, the central affects are shame, contempt, envy, and humiliation, the central beliefs about the self revolve around the theme of needing to be perfect in order to feel okay, central beliefs about others are that they have attributes that the narcissistic individual lacks, and the central way of defending the self is via idealization and devaluation. This is taken from the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual. I'll link to it below. These personality attributes won't really change, even if the individual becomes very high functioning. But that's okay. They aren't necessarily "bad." Everyone has one or more dominant personality themes/styles that shape and define their subjective experience of the world; basic strivings, insecurities, and defenses that were developed in early childhood and form "core" or central schemas. Many successful and influential leaders, artists, performers, teachers, etc. have this personality style and use it to great effect. What is most important for therapy and recovery is: 1) increasing the integration within the person - helping them to become more whole, 2) helping the person to develop more mature and flexible defenses and ways of seeing themselves and others, 3) helping the person learn to tolerate and accept their own limitations and the limitations of others, 4) helping the person to accept and grieve early losses and traumas that have influenced their development, 5) helping the person to use their personality style in ways that benefit the individual, society, and those they care about. Regarding movement from borderline to neurotic levels of personality organization, I do believe it is possible for a person who is predominantly at the borderline level to reach a place at which they are predominantly healthy. This would take a number of years of hard work. But I see no reason it wouldn't be possible. The "having died" piece is a bit confusing. I will admit that I am not very familiar with Vaknin's work. From what I have seen and read, I have not found his interpretation of narcissistic phenomena to be particularly helpful. At worst, I have found it to be somewhat sadistic/masochistic (given his self-identification as a narcissist). The idea that individuals who suffer with this disorder need to "re-experience" their trauma via cold therapy doesn't seem right to me. But again, I admit that I haven't looked very far into his ideas. From my perspective, the "early death" piece is really about the necessity of recognizing deficits that occurred through neglect and to grieve that which wasn't received. pwNPD live their lives attempting to magically create/recreate a self that did not grow. These attempts to create such a self by being 'excellent' or 'perfect' are doomed to failure and keep the individual locked in a predominantly borderline range of functioning. Healthier functioning is marked by the ability to recognize and grieve loss and limitation. The "birth" of authentic self experience and mature integration occurs when the individual begins to accept and grieve the deficits inside of them. Everything else is simply covering over a gaping wound at the center of the personality. Here's that reference: Lingiardi, V., & McWilliams, N. (Eds.). (2017). Psychodynamic diagnostic manual: PDM-2 (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press. Youi can also learn more about style vs organization/level of functioning in this video: kzhead.info/sun/gbqJlJp9ppyrl2g/bejne.html
@@healnpd Thank you very much. I have further questions: "pwNPD live their lives attempting to magically create/recreate a self that did not grow" Will this pursuit stop in spite of the narcissistic style not changing? Why? Or is it the case that it'll only become less and less frantic as the individual grows a healthier self? I'm not quite understanding why the narcissistic style will persist.
A narcissistic personality style isn't necessarily maladaptive or pathological. It simply refers to the underlying thoughts and feelings that motivate the person and their characteristic conflicts and defenses. Therapy for NPD isn't to change the personality style, but rather to increase the person's ability to tolerate threats to self esteem, perceive themselves and others more accurately and flexibly, and learn more effective and adaptive ways to cope. "pwNPD live their lives attempting to magically create/recreate a self that did not grow" What I mean by this is that pwNPD have a personality disorder and are therefore by definition functioning in the borderline range (different from BPD). The borderline range is one in which consequences aren't treated as real and the boundaries between self and others are blurry. People functioning in this range will often try to magically undo harm they've done to others by simply pretending that it didn't happen (which is the source of gaslighting - not some nefarious plot on the part of the narcissist to drive people crazy, but rather the byproduct of an unconscious inability to accept that consequences are real). Recognizing that consequences are real is a developmental leap. Prior to this leap, the individual lives in a world in which good and bad objects are sort of interchangeable and reality can be blurred or distorted based on the demands of the psyche. This is why the ability to truly mourn the loss of the self marks the beginning of a profound change in the structure of the personality - an ability to deal with the immutability of reality and history rather than relying on magical distortion or the less mature defense of undoing.
Heal NPD, I always find it inaccurate to say that an NPD, “ subconsciously “ acts out and ends up, lying, gaslighting, manipulating, controlling, abusing people. If it’s such an, “ unconscious “occurrence, then they should be acting out with everyone, their boss, the police, the judge, everyone, and yet they don’t. If they absolutely can control their, “ unconscious reactions “ with certain people, then they can control it with their targets too! And yet, they do not. They know how to behave in society and they’re not behaving around you. They are deliberately being evil towards you. Look at how much subconscious stuff that normal people have and suppress. Believe me, those NPD’s are absolutely suppressing things. For instance: I’ll bet they would just love to beat the shit out of people but they don’t so they’re suppressing that. Their minds do work differently and they’re suppressing it. You know, in fact, I have to suppress empathy. Too much empathy will drive you crazy. I have to act differently, in society because I don’t want to be a target to them. My whole attitude has changed. How in the world did that happen? It’s been six years in my recovery. I’ve been getting so burned by them that I feel like, screw it, let that ship sink. Let nature take it’s corse. This is a human devolution going on and it’s going to get worse and worse. How in the world are societies going to be able to, “ foot the bill “ to the murder ( for insurance money ) and crime that’s going on? In my opinion, we need to be, “ good stewards of the earth. “ we need to create cities where no one owns a home so that the narcissist/psychopath can be exiled out. We need to make it to where they can’t breed. So that’s not going to happen. They’ve got strict laws against animal cruelty and not enough strict laws for human animal cruelty.
Interview Sam vaknin
Sounds like you are specializing in offering unwanted hepl to narcissists. Do narcissists asked you to remake them? But instead you hurt people who suffer from narcissists and who DO need help.
@zandatee - Thanks for watching. I have a waitlist for services and receive emails on a daily basis from people seeking help for these issues. I hope you will continue to expand your understanding of the complexity of pathological narcissism and the many ways that this mental illness can present.