How to Recognize, Manage & Avoid Dysregulation (spoiler alert I cry 😂🙌🏻)
2024 ж. 11 Мам.
32 329 Рет қаралды
I was dysregulated for the first 4 MONTHS of this year! here's how I identified it, managed it and what I'm doing to try and avoid it happening again!
When was the last time you were dysregulated? Or perhaps, when was the last time you were REGULATED?
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The description of understimulated dysregulation sounds textbook like every job I've ever had when I get to the point where the job is routine.
THAT'S why I can't stay in any one job for more than 2 years...
14:50 The Six Essentials 1. Sleeping Habits 2. Eating 3. Hydration 4. Hygiene 5. Movement 6. Connection to Other People
Thank you for adding this!!
@@bananas-01 Yeah, apparently it's good for us 🤣
There's a few people that are worth the connection, 😂
I love Hailey’s comments section ❤
7. Psycho-somatic self awareness (aka Mindfulness)
It's so unfair that many of us also have disorders of the autonomic nervous system like POTS. We're basically always fighting dysregulation. Also, I think we get told we're depressed when we're really just burned out from being dysregulated for long periods of time.
I think what sucks the most about gathering information like this is that I feel like I can't do anything with it. Most techniques, most tools, are designed for persons who are not a primary care giver of an entire other person. I'm having to learn all of these intense, unchangeable, essentially untreatable things about myself while caring for not just myself and it seems like everything actually helpful is only achievable when caring only for yourself.
I had never thought of my depression and disconnection as a part of my dysregulation before. It makes sense, but I also have bipolar disorder so anything not bipolar depression was put in the "eh I guess people just normally feel this sometimes"
The under stimulated dysregulation describes how I feel after work on slow days/weeks 😕 I'm glad I have verbiage for it now but ugh
Wow, your timing. I lost my job and have been feeling sad and having lots of digestive issues. I've also noticed an even more difficult time focusing and losing things more often. I've been very overwhelmed and emotional as well. Being aware of what's going on totally helps to start fixing things. Thank you and thank the youtube algo for connecting me to this channel!
Thank you for the support! Sending you so much love as you continue your journey 💛💛
Hugs❤
Thank you for this video. It explains why I've been feeling off recently. My family went from 3 to 1 car (my car). I am remote for now but I didn’t realize that I took it as a complete loss of freedom since my mom was using my car. Add to the fact that she was not taking car of it in the way I like did not help. Her car is fixed now but I'm climbing out of the overstimulation hole now. Having a new environment to work in (going in the office this week) will help for sure. For context, I learned to drive at 22 and got my first/dream car at 25. I paid off the car last Oct (2 years early) by myself despite people not believing in me (except my bestie!). I even got a better job because I can drive now. So that car is a tangible symbol of me living a more adult life. Probably doesn't mean much to others but it was everything to me. This video helped me realize that things like this will happen and I can go at my own pace to work through it. 😊
You are doing very well. I am sorry that your mum did not value your car as well as you would like. I hope you can communicate effectively with her about that at some time.. but unless you have the same agreement with her as i do with my mum, which is that we are both allowed to yell if we need do... And to hang up the phone suddenly it we need to, i hope you find a time when you and your mum are calm and free. Boundaries are reeeeeaaaly important and i hope you mum understands this soon. ( I am 58, so probably older than your mum and i am pulling rank!! Hahha! I dont want any of my gen x people disrespecting boundaries. It took us so long to learn about them for ourselves. ) Adulting is hard at any age. You are doing really well.
I call the two states of dysregulation burnout and boreout. Just came out of the overstimulated dysregulation with insomnia and panic attacks. For me it helped to be taken seriously by doctors and getting help - just the feeling of not being left alone with this. And then I also did the six steps you suggested and meditation and the 4-7-11 breating technique. It takes time but after 3 months it got better and I started to sleep better. I got some emergency appointments from a therapist but not for my adhd. But it helped nevertheless. Just because I had some social connections and appointments and would not stay home alone all the time.
This is exactly what I needed to listen to today. I have been so depressed lately. And now I am recognising it as being dysregulated. I had made the decision yesterday to start looking after myself. With what you mention as the 6 essentials and I recognise that hygiene is my catalyst. Thank you for being real in your video. And I have literally been crying the entire week 😢
HEAR YOU!! 💛 the tears are so real. So proud of you!
That was amazing! I knew a lot of this but hadn't connected the dots. Like, why walking helps some days and not others (different disreg). Sending this to every ND I know! 🎉
Yay!! So glad this helped!!
Um, wow. You ever hear something that triggers a gut response in you, and you go, "I need to deal with that"? Because hearing, "being emotional is beautiful," sent a flood of no, no, wrong, incorrect through me. And, uh, yeah, that's not good. I am nearly tearing up about it.
I hardly comment on any video on KZhead at all, but I really felt the need to tell you: this video itself just helped me regulate my emotions right now and motivated me to put in the work. Not everyone has access to good therapy, adequate treatment or advising in general and sharing what's been going on with you, how you've been managing it and doing it responsably, put it the work of doing a research, it's such a great thing. Thank you for putting yourself out there and I hope this is as helpful for you as it's been for me and certainly many others. Thank you :)
Crying with you today has been helpful. I’ve been dysregulated for months now with only about a week of feeling a little more stable before continually falling back down. Crying with someone who has recently gone through/is going through the same felt validating I guess. Thanks for making the content you do.💜
I just want you to know how much your content genuinely means to me. I struggled so hard as a young adult because my ADHD therapy as a kid was SOLELY focused on skills for school. I was also told by multiple doctors that I would "grow out of it" and BOY OH BOY did that not happen. 🤣 Your content may not always reflect my ADHD and autism because we're all different human beings, but the amount of support and connection I feel just from your content is so special! 🥰
Can you be overstimulated and under stimulated at the same time? For example, dealing with a lot of emotional stress from situations you can’t control. But the actual day to day activities you do are minimal and executive function is tough.
definitely feels like my experience is a mix of both as well
I feel like I got both every other day/week Was told I was bi-polar then they said naw just depressed and a year ago I got told it's just ADHD... I'm going to ask the docs about this disregulation idea
I’ve heard of classical piano music helping with both at the same time because it’s both stimulatory and calming. I know it has helped me for overstimulation and under-stimulation separately, so if you want to try out that tool it’s available, I personally love Kassia’s piano videos because it doesn’t have intros or outros and it’s got the engaging and calming visuals too. But you also didn’t ask for advice or anything so I won’t mind at all if you legitimately don’t care for that
As I sit here torturing myself with no breakfast.... thank you. Thank you for this video.
I echo many other folks in the comments - this video found me when I absolutely needed it. I have suspected that I have undiagnosed ADHD for about a year now, after about 30 years of thinking I'm a depressed, anxious failure of a human being. I have been aware that I have been in a "burnout" state but it felt more "crazy" than usual, (I know, it's not the best word but it's how my brain makes me feel), dealing with more suicidal ideation, etc.... and it's the dysregulation. I didn't even make it through the full video, I just stopped and finally spent the time finding a telehealth clinician that could get me in for an intake appointment - something I have been thinking about doing (and started and failed SO many times) for about 9 months (after deciding that I need telehealth because I can't continue the painful cycle of finding an in-person therapist, then flaking out after like 3 visits because I can't make it to the appointments and cancelling and rescheduling, and wasting money on cancellation fees... etc.). Your video motivated me not to give up over the 4 hour saga of searching for all of my insurance information, figuring out how I can even find someone that my insurance takes, finding a place and then them saying that they actually don't offer what their website said they did, crying out of frustration and disappointment, BUT then remembering that I promised myself this time I would make it happen no matter how frustrating it was or how long it took, and tackled it again. I DID IT! And now I'm crying out of exhaustion and relief, which is it's own issue (and also a tell-tale sign of dysregulation for me, crying or almost crying about so many things that to other people makes zero sense). Anyway, THANK YOU!!!
how did it get better?
Beautifully put, and thank you Hayley for allowing yourself to cry on camera. It really helps me to connect with your story to see that raw emotion and it validates how difficult the experience of dysregulation truly is.
Thank you 🥺 I’m so glad it resonated with you
This is so wildly helpful to learn about! All of this hits home for how I've been feeling for months now. I've been viewing this as autistic burnout and maybe it is. Is there a lot of overlap between dysregulation and burnout? The ways to address dysregulation are pretty similar to the suggestions from my coach on working my way out of burnout: trying to prioritize my needs and rebuild trust in myself to not push too hard or be too unkind to myself.
I now have a page in my journal full of notes from this video, thanks a lot, Hayley!!🤘 I wish I had this video before, since I now realize I probably have been dysregulated for the last 4+ months and did almost nothing to help myself to get out of it. Luckily I had a great therapist by my side and a recent AuDHD diagnosis, which pushed me to work towards something! I now know that I'm probably slowly getting out of my dysregulated period, I'm going to start a new job soon, in a new country, so I'll keep practicing your "during dysregulation" tips and the "preventative measures" later on. The "catalyst" concept.....? Fucking GENIUS, you might just have changed my life with that! 😱❤🔥
AH YAY!! This is so great to hear!
This video really helped me, I had never heard of disregulation but I now realize that I have struggled with it several times before. Thank you for making this❤
Thank you for this! I am pretty much all the things. Can a person be both over and understimulated at the same time? If so, I am. Crying can be a tool for regulation. Certainly, don't unpack and live there, but a few tears now and again can be a reset button.
Watching it at speed is helping my brain, wow, I didn't think that would work. I've been told so many times that I'm in adrenal overload, my nervous system is a disaster, etc etc.
🥺 i would like to take this time and say, i finished this video in one sitting. and i know that has nothing to do with the topic, but i am extremely proud of myself. 🎃🎃 it was slightly emotional to learn about something i might be dealing with now, and when things get too emotional.. i tend to lose focus and walk away. but I didn't, and to that, i have to thank you so so much for taking the time to explain this in such a comforting, kind, and digestible way 🥰 thank you 🎃🎃👻🦇
As always, I appreciate your vulnerability and insight! You put words to so many things I think, feel, and experience but couldn't pin point.
💛 sending you love! Thank you for the support!
Honestly this video hits the nail on the head in terms of my life the past 6-7 months.
This upload is a gift, Hayley 😔 was feeling awful this morning due to already lower dopamine than usual due to sleep deprivation and then my morning being flooded with dopamine-sapping things just because I got out of bed, and having to go to work immediate. Then I had to deal with work annoyances, and I opened up ranting about what I'm dealing with as one person living with two cats and how I barely had any time to do a five minute sketch to get my dopamine up for those five minutes, and it all got horrendously worse when a coworker told me to my face that transphobia isn't real, right after I cited it as a reason I can't live with my parents (I'm a trans man). One of the worst things you can say to me in that moment when I am already very visibly and audibly not having a good day, and I got to go home early, and am about to go to my second job. Ten hour workdays don't work for me because they don't allow me time in the morning to give myself the dopamine I need to function and be peaceful. I shall continue watching this happy video, thank you for this 🥺🥺🥺
THANK YOU for your vulnerability and insight, Hayley. I also got a little emotional when you did. I get it. I especially like when you talked about removing yourself from the identity of being lazy, or pissy, or forgetful, ect and instead ID'ing it as a phase and a sign that something is amis.
So glad I came accross your video. I was going through a downward spiral for the last 6 months, ended up with crying every day and then burnout. Stuff kept adding to it that I was unable to deal with on a cognitive level because my emotions were SOOO dominant and everything felt worse and worse. Now we had a lot of public holidays, so I had more time to calm down between work, also the weather is getting brighter (Fall and Winter are just horrible for me), and physical issues are being tended to. Now I don't feel depressed anymore and this state of dysregulation you described sounds exactly how I experienced this time! Gotta talk to my psych about it, maybe ADs are not necessary anymore...? 🤔
Wow, thank you so much for this video! I suddenly understand what’s been going on with me the past four months. Almost identical for me, I was triggered by an event outside of my control. Textbook over reactive dysregulation. I think I am coming out of it now because somehow I have been doing some of the management even though I didn’t understand what was going on. A lot of resting! But this is so helpful to finally understand what was/is happening and now I can work on it from a place of awareness!
The “six things” is absolutely perfect. Thanks for that.
Happy belated Birthday Hayley !! We Love you :):):)
Literally thank you so much for existing 💚 cannot describe how helpful your content has been. Totally life changing ✨
This was phenomenal. Thank you. I am working through it and can see the other side. But these tools will absolutely make a lot of difference for me.
This video is a godsend for me today. I’m thankfully out of the worst dysregulation of my life but it’s still an everyday effort to maintain my health and regulation..I also need to remember that my capacity changes daily and that it’s ok when my capacity is less. I definitely could learn some compassion for myself. I’m grateful I have people in my life who help me out when I’m not there for myself. I love your energy!!
I love this. It makes me feel less crazy and puts words and reasoning behind my strong/out-of-control feelings ❤ When I have reasoning/understanding behind my feelings, it feels so much less out of my control and easier to tone down.
I just went through a month and a half of Dysregulation and I 100% believed I was in a burn out or depressed. It's so so important to KNOW what's going on so you can fix it. Unfortunately when I'm in those dysregulated states, my brain likes to have suicidal ideations so thankfully I have a therapist and my husband and God to lean on for help through those because nobody wants to deal with that alone. Thank you Hayley for helping us neurodivergent folks help ourselves ❤
Thank you so much. I find them really helpful. Just know, what you do is so important ❤️
I wish I could talk this out with my therapist, but I had to stop going at the beginning of the year when my copay for mental health care tripled, putting weekly visits (which I need) beyond my budget. Even monthly visits would be a struggle because I was having to skip visits BEFORE the cost tripled for budget reasons.
Would it be possible for you to find a clinic that allows you to do sliding scale payments for copay? I hope you find a way to get effective therapy that is useful for you and in your budget soon.
You’re on the cuff affirmations to yourself at the end are so valuable. I saved them to my phone for when I need them. Thank you. ❤
I'm new at your channel, English is my second language, and I must say I LOVE THIS! For real... I've been very disregulated lately becuase things are changing (for good some things, like moving in with my bf). But THIS and the Six Essentials: really helpfull for a starter at ADHD (I'm 33 and diagnosed last december xd) Thank you :)
I allow all feelings without trying to change them, escape from them, distract, etc. My Psil0cybin trips have done wonders to heal my trauma which causes these sorts of symptoms. I can feel a trigger without acting on it now, among an endless list of other improvements. I don't know where I'd be without trips!!!!
So... thank you for that. I'm Audhd, and you had me glued to the screen nodding. Its awesome of you to share this info, it resonates with me a lot.
I learn SO much here! I am absolutely disregulated and need to implement change! Thank you because I've been here so long it became normal.
I don’t know how you do it, but your videos always come to the rescue at just the right time. I was just talking to my friend about this and was having trouble figuring out what’s been going on. Love your content! Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent. It’s definitely helped me do that same in my life lately. ❤
This was really helpful. I am understanding why I am barely functioning now. Some of those pieces are missing, like not having enough people around me (community). Other challenges (like so many people) having enough money to buy adequate food, and worrying about running out and being hungry, constantly. I need to write down what is important, and what will just have to wait, even if the temporary sacrifices feel extreme, to me. I'm not good at deciphering what is essential, and what can wait Learning to be kinder to myself. I have 'wiring', (like so many others) from childhood and toxic people that were anything but kind and helpful, or forgiving. I am going through something very difficult right now and I need to allow myself space to go through it.. Damn! I make my life sound like a disaster zone. It really isn't. Writing down things that I am grateful for is very helpful, and also writing down what I have already overcome already, is a big boost and gives perspective This is really long 😬. I hope someone finds something useful in all of this!
WOw this really explains so much-thank you for this.
I cried with you. Feel it way to much knowing I am not kind enough to myself. Thanks for your informative and so much authentic videos ❤
Hit so hard on personal truths that I cried. Got mad that I cried because of what you're saying. LOL'd when you started crying because it felt better to finally not be crying alone. Saving this video cause I was walking & need to listen again to take actual notes.
Ugh, this spoke to me in ways you can't imagine. Thank you for your candor, for the helpful tips and tricks, and for making me feel seen.
I am 29 weeks pregnant and can absolutely relate to being SO mean to myself about things outside my control. 💔 Thank you for being so vulnerable and encouraging around this 🙏🏻
Timing couldn’t have been more perfect! I just realized that what I’ve been dealing with for the past two weeks is dysregulation. Now you’ve given me some tools to start getting myself centered again.
Awesome content. Glad you talk about it. I experience it all the time. Know your steps to do when you realize you are dysregulated. Good luck! Greetings from the Netherlands
Thank you for this video, Hayley.
I needed to hear this today!!! Thank you!!!❤ 🙏
Hayley!! You have such a gift for sharing your knowledge and experiences in such a comforting and helpful way. It is honestly RE-REGULATING to watch this! I think I get more positive “life-tackling reset” energy from your videos than I do from therapy 😅 Just redid my lil dry erase board and feel like this video was just what I needed today 💜🩵 thanks for doing what you do, in your way, exactly how you do it.
THIS IS SUCH NICE FEEDBACK THANK YOU 💛💛 sending you love!
I LOVE your videos. Thank you so much. I relate with you SO much.
This was so helpful for me. Thanks ❤
Thank you for this video...I needed it today
ohmygosh, this is what I couldn't put into words beyond "i've been going through A LOT OF LIFE EVENTS IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS" when I was going through my initial mental health assessment, gatekeeping thing before being referred for ADHD assessment. They acted like they understood emotional dysregulation then whipped around two weeks later saying, We think you should go on antidepressants for your low mood and I'm just like, what?? NO it's not depression! I have sad stuff I'm trying to process! And I love you for saying Not My Monkeys Not My Circus, that has been my mantra for a while but I keep forgetting it. Totally need it as a tattoo for a visual reminder forever on me.
What’s worked for my emotion dysregulation is guanfacine and DBT. I seriously think more ADHDers need to know about the treatments for emotional dysregulation and how massive of a factor things like rejection sensitivity dysphoria is for ADHD. The Additude talk on emotion regulation by William Dodson (video looks like 1 hour but you only need to see his 25 minutes presentation) convinced me to take guanfacine and it’s been more life changing than adderall for me. I’ve also been doing Dialetical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills; it’s also highly evidence based and something I’d highly recommend.
As someone with bpd, I've been trying to get into a dbt program for ages. Part of the issue with that is there aren't a lot of them available in a lot of places. There's one 40 min from me, but getting a spot is hard, and its a 3 hour, every weekday program in the middle of the day. So unless you're in a major city, it would be tough to find that. There's always the workbooks- I believe doctor fox has one, but it's just not the same as getting that actual interactive training, so to speak. I'm glad youve benefited from it though that is awesome! Hopefully in the future it will be more widely known about, and utilized by more people.
Thanks, Hayley for sharing your experience could you please make a video about how to accomplish daily tasks during a depression episode for neurodivergents
Thank you for this.Much appreciated ❤
this was really helpful, thank you
Thanks for this video for real. This helped a ton
Thank you so much for this video, i think my depression is linked to emotional disregulation as well.
Not the read the little SMUT 😂 This video is very helpful, thank you for sharing
"im still progressing"? i think lol another amazing video, as usual right when i needed it
This video was incredibly helpful. As someone who is currently understimulated due to a job where I’m also not necessary, can you speak to your experience more as to what helped during that period?
Dude. When you started crying though.. is exactly what I’m going through rn. It really is so important to shift narratives.
Young ladies, learn about menopause before you get here. I am so angry that everyone only talks about the hot flashes because that is not even one of my top 5 problems. The inability to control my emotions having this on top of PMDD and ADHD is so hard I can't even find the words to explain it to you.
Thank you for this video, I'm gonna look into this further.
Awww. Kitty just wanted to help regulate you. ❤ (I have a feline like that-when I talk about something stressful or difficult, she comes and finds me.)
This is a really great video. I've been on sick leave and quit my job a few months ago and officially am diagnosed with severe depression, but this kinda.. Feels more like it. Ill have to look a bit more in the topic. Its a bit difficult since neither my psychiatrist nor my therapist are really familiar with autism..
This reminds me a lot of equilibrium. You can figure out what to do when you are in one phase, but you shifted to a new steady state equilibrium which requires a different toolbox because your ground zero is different. Phase changes are important to recognize. :)
yep i've been going through this lately with the stress of getting into technical college and navigating the confusing world of college and fafsa and whew have i just been over anxious and stressed and snappy for "no reason" (but there IS a reason) !!
I’m sure someone has posted this already but I don’t wanna read all the comments lol- but you can actually be both experience under stimulation and over stimulation at the same time but within different areas. Such as under stimulation in your emotions (not feeling feelings to their fullest etc) but over stimulation with your physical (tight muscles etc)! Good to also think about!
omg your cat is perfect
“According to my favorite Ho” I DIED
Hi Hayley, thanks for a beautiful video ❤️ I’m curious about the difference between dysregulation (specifically overstimulated) and stress symptoms, they sound very similar? I got my ADHD diagnosis about a year ago and I’m still learning how to regulate at all, but one of the main reasons I ask is that in Uni I was constantly overwhelmed by the workload of both school work and student activities, where I was “diagnosed” by the school counselor with being overly stressed and had to push back a few courses during my masters. When I started working about two years ago after finishing my degree, I definitely cut down the amount of off-hours “work” I did by only keeping a few of my regular hobby activities and trying very hard to not go to too many student or alumni events after, but it never really felt like I calmed down anyway. I still feel very understimulated unless I have plans most evenings, but I get easily overstimulated when my weeks are filled with friend hangouts and I have no time to cook or clean for myself. It feels like I am still living in a stress state from university, but it also sounds a lot like I have an overstimulated nervous system. It’s gotten better in the past half a year because of my ADHD-diagnosis and working on my routines, but it still lingers. So just curious on your take on stress symptoms versus nervous system regulation!
Sweet Jesus I needed that. Thanks!
I wish this had come out last November. I recognized that i was dysregulated starting then and finally started to get better in January only to be thrown back into it in February (all job related). Ive started the journey to regulating myself again and finding a new job (cause this one has drained me dry and blamed me for it). Please remember that you dont live to work, you work to live.
This video is amazing
Yep, I get all of the symptoms!
Thank you for sharing this. Honestly made me squirm. Proooobably something to examine imy therapist tomorrow. 😅
Thank you for this video
Thank you for potentially saving me from being sent to a psych ward. I couldnt for the life of me figure out what was going on. Im two weeks into this.
Cackling at the magic school bus comment rn
Connection with other people is probably the hardest one for me. Especially since I am not physically able to do much with how much pain I'm in and how exhausted I get.
im undiagnosed (yet?)... can relate to all of this.... I like you! youre cool ! and i like yout cat
huh, so that is what this is called. now I am sad about a comment I left under another video because it was criticizing something you brought up. love you too.
I have the symptoms of under active disregulation but I’m also experiencing the over active at the same time. I’m in autistic burnout and it makes functioning at an adult level so dang hard
Thank you. 😊
i started cleaning a few days ago. hopefully good signs. the last few months I have been VERY dysregulated
Thank you.
Dang girl, you're like the Neurodivergent Education version of Sara Diesty Rhymes with Peachy! 😁🤘
do you have tips on how to do things (ie "force" yourself to do things that are good for you) when avoidant? 👉👈 i struggle A LOT with avoidance...
Best I've found is to tell on yourself toothers who'll help push you. Like when our parents made us do stuffs.... 😂 Also I make stuff as easy as I can, healthy snacks by the bed, by the bath (when I'd get stuck in baths for hrs) by my desk, water bottles with dates helped for a few weeks. Keep in mind ADHD seems to make things work great but only for a while till a new method is needed.... Hugs❤
How can you tell the difference if also have anxiety and depression already
Over 50 lady here …no lady bits…it is the unattentive no motivation, no energy that shows me I am disregulated
I’m curious to know if you think you can be both under stimulated and overstimulated at the same time? I feel like I might be in that situation as I’m finding my work boring but also overwhelming and stressful.