Full Episode: "Fix My Family Secret" (Ep. 104) | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network
FLASHBACK: During the first season of "Iyanla: Fix My Life," Iyanla headed to Texas to help a local DJ and his mother heal from a secret that has torn them apart. (Original air date: September 22, 2012) // Watch more episodes of "Iyanla: Fix My Life" on the Watch OWN app: bit.ly/watchownapp
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About Iyanla: Fix My Life:
In the popular self-help series, “Iyanla: Fix My Life”, bestselling author, spiritual life coach and television host Iyanla Vanzant goes behind closed doors to help people whose relationships and lives have broken down.
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Full Episode: "Fix My Family Secret" (Ep. 104) | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network / own
#fixmylife #iyanlavanzant #fixmylifefullepisode
I want a hug from Iyanla
Me too
She probably gives the best hugs
A hug and a blessed kiss...queen i
Me as well💜💜💜
Spiritual Conduit!!!
"When the truth is evident, resistance is futile. " iyanla vanzant
Please, please people, get yourself and your family vaccinated today! Together we can defeat this deadly virus, be safe and be kind to one another!
An the truth will set u free
The step-father is such a good man. This is family loves each other. I pray they continue to heal. Thanks, Iyanla.
This step dad hey❤️❤️
I'm a white guy I swear black older women have a special power of healing. God Bless.
Black girl magic.
@@lf3541 😂😂😂
Well, Iyanla is a very special woman with the ability to SEE other people’s pain and dysfunction, she is a soul like no other.
Yes!! My grandmother had a special way of speaking to our soul, you are absolutely 100% correct on this and I think it's awesome to hear this acknowledged.
disagree
His wife is quiet. That's so respectful and admirable
Why?
Because she could have added her opinion which would have added more tension. But she was just there to quietly support him and only talked when Iyanla was speaking directly to her. She almost added a sense of calm to the situation. She seems super sweet.
Being supportive doesnt alway mean you have to be vocal
@@Bklynpimpstressit wasn’t her place. She did the wise and right thing. Too many people believe that their opinion and intrusiveness is ok.
The baby knows his blood. He is so comfortable with everyone, even fell asleep in Granny's arms. Alex is an amazing man and he should have been told the truth earlier. Iyanla is true in saying parents project their past into your future.
Deirdre, ur cute
Very true, He wasn't really too hurt about the lies per say, it was so much about keeping the lies from him that long for 23 years that hurt him the most.
@@dia.6213 agreed
past*
@@mediaiweb a
I'm mad bcuz it's a bad lie but did anybody thank Alex for being the man through all of this !!
I agree 100% cuz it was the mom’s responsibility to tell him!
This was my thought
She could have told him sooner but she did what she had to do I also feel for him seems like the step father did a great job
Jose did thank him when they talked
His thank him for being there,listen back again
This step dad is the best..
Ain he tho ... ❤💪🏾❤💪🏾❤💪🏾 he didn’t have to be here at all n he chose love every single day ❤💪🏾❤💪🏾❤💪🏾
We as black women have a spirit of healing that is unlike no other !!!!!!!
Amen
Yea
Say it again 👍❤️❤️🌹
Absolutely!!
No black, no brown, no white we are humans, That's right. Love you all. My prayers for you all!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mom has some deep shame. She needs to let that crap go. It's keeping her from a happy family. I understand JC wants to know his bio-dad. But the people that he should be most angry with are his maternal grandparents. It was their interference and decisions that caused his mother so much shame and guilt that she can't deal with. The dad that raised him is the best one of them.
I think the mom could benefit from some therapy to deal with the pain of being rejected by her boyfriend. She said she really loved him, but it seems like he did not feel the same way or he would have contacted her later on in life. He really hurt her.
Disagree, his parents were both complicit in the lie… The mom should’ve told the truth and not hide behind Maternal GP thinking…
In our generation having a child out of wedlock was such a major disgrace. Our families immediately would take control of the situation and make all the decisions without taking a second to think of the pain the mother was going through. I saw it with my cousin. She was15and was never the same after having her baby boy. She was never mentally healed and nobody even tried to help her. All the pain she and her son went through was just horrible.
This woman is a HEAVEN sent! I never physically met her but she has helped me so much!
Same
Ditto ❤
I can totally relate, Iyanla has helped me through many situations! I owe you big time Iyanla, more than you can imagine. You're truly God sent❤
He deserved to know the truth.
Mom Iyanla thank you for showing me my wounds and leading me to healing. I love you from Tanzania🇹🇿😍🔥💪🏾
Hi
That's beautiful 😍 ❤ 💕 bless you
Glo this is the reason why I follow OWN TV shows. The hosts are the people who once been broken 💔💔 they healed yes and what I like is the fact that they are sharing the experiences with the World 🌎🌎 which can help shape it to be a better place for everyone. Yeah 👍👍👍😂
Amen sister. Mama Iyanla has supported my growth and elevation for the past 10yrs. Via this show, via her books and now through social media, she keeps guiding me. I healed deep pain with her support, all the way out here in Tz😁🇹🇿🇹🇿. I share her teachings with everyone.💜
As someone who was also adopted...I am forever grateful for my parents telling me I was adopted from the beginning. No secrets. No drama. Completely up front and honest. I felt special my entire childhood. Keeping it from your child is damaging and selfish.
At what age did they tell you?
Omg . hes gorgeous!....i feel that his real dad should have made himself known at some point....even if he was afraid in the beginning......but some men just hate paying child support..n thats the truth!
As Iyanla said you're judging and blaming his 17 year old mother you're also blaming and judging a 15 year old boy as a father.
@@tangajTANG Thank you. My son is seven years. And his dad sees him at the store and walks past him. Should I grab him and force him to identify as a father? I don't want my child to feel rejected. And I'm not going to cause any drama. A grown man should fight for his child.
@@dianamedelezbain6382 He didn’t stay 15 years old. What’s the excuse for never attempting to reach out to his son after he got older.
I love how she helps EVERYBODY and how everyone opens up to her.
I'm sorry but the sister and mom are manipulators. They cry to disarm him. He has the dam right to be angry. I totally understood why the mom lied but at some point he deserves to know the whole truth. Stop worrying about how you come off in the story and tell him the truth. Let the man have whatever relationship he wants with his "bio" dad.
Coco T you are on point
For real
I think Jose is working this beyond acceptable. It's not ok to broadcast and destroy the mom and man who raised him. He's now banking on it
These episodes really help in ways I can’t explain 🙏🏾
With our own self awareness and own healing
Precious i enjoy every single one of your show every time i watch them .some strengthen me in some way.some emotional.i love all.there is so much when i will done.love.I love when u smile and also when u are vex.
Righttttt!!! I feel the same way….this aired in 2012 and I’m rewatching it now in 2021….🙌🏾
Definitely sis
This is a hard show to watch. I grew up with generations of women in my family who lied for various reasons to their children. When we were young, we wouldn't dare push our elders for the truth. We knew they loved us. Out of respect we kept silent. We kept quiet out of respect. We kept and accepted the lie. Now, the elders are either dead or senile. We will never know the truth. But, we continue to love and respect them. But, the truth is the lie is breaking apart the my extended family. Now we are living with the consequences. They are doing the right thing by working on the problem, now.
There's so much truth in this! Generations of my family have carried on the silence and the lies, well intentioned and out of respect I'm sure, but just as you said, they're now all gone or unable to tell their truths even if they wanted to. So much is lost, so many questions left unanswered and secrets still buried. My sister and I vowed to break the pattern. We believe it led to more hurt than help. Wounds covered, but never healed. We won't pass this on.
THIS the problem is the lies get uncovered in the most upsetting ways and at the most inconvenient of times.....
Alex is a great dad 👍
Alex should recieve a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back with praise for raising a child that is not his own. Thank God for men like Alex.
Wish iyanla was in south africa me an my mum seperated i went thru same patern wt her mum did to her she did to me im living in pain way mum makes me look bad treat me bad but when she need my money she wl mesage after money get to her i dont exist ths patern is going on for 5years now am so broken bt i go with flow just i respect mum and dont want people talk bad an say am nt giving money my mum
@@tasneemfrost9004 This sounds so painful.
I'm convinced Iyanla is an angel 🙏🙏
The mother and sister cried through itbut not once did I hear them acknowledge Jose and understanding why he feels this way.Kinda dismissive to his feelings wtf
Fr they cried so much and I didn't understand why
Iyanla, I don't know how you do this kind of work and not feel exhausted. Those negative, heavy energies are so hard to deal with. It really takes a special soul such as yourself to do this work day-in and day-out. I admire you greatly, and as I sit in my home in the forest, I feel nothing but gratitude for you because your work is helping our world to become a far better place. We need more forgiveness, love, kindness, empathy, and gratitude, and I feel so happy to see the heaviness lifted from the souls of those who have been fortunate enough to have gotten your special embrace. I thank the Universe for you. Sending you and all who read this much love and light!! Please continue to let your light shine in those dark places.
Perfectly said 👏 👌 🙌 👍 💯 ❤
Believe she feel exhausted she take on a lot of ppl energy but i sure she knows how to release herself from those energies
Mom isn't being transparent she's still holding back. I haven't seen one tear drop 😒😒
Tears don't mean anything. Even a con artist can produce tears, all the while destroying your life.
I am a little shocked that the mother decided to tell her son the truth about his birth father at that stage in his life but then she explained the age she found out about her own adoption and it all made sense. I myself am the youngest of 6 children (3 adopted, 3 fostered) and my parents told us and talked to us from a very young age that we had been adopted. I think it is so important to have open communication, no secrets and know the situation especially from the birth parents side and the situation at that time in their life. My mother has always talked to me about how young my birth mother was, what struggles she may have had and the hard decision she had to make. This made me understand the situation better, appreciate the truth and set me up well to not feel resentment towards my birth mother when I tracked her down when I was 20 yrs old. I know my birth mother appreciated this as I acknowledged the hard decision she made to give me a better life. I have even explained my adoption to my 8 year son as he wanted to know why I have 2 mummies. Open, honest conversations are good as the truth always comes out and can be upsetting and confusing to someone who doesn't know the situation at the time.
She never mentioned she tried to reached out to his biological dad. She was hiding behind that lie hard.
I wish I can find a man like this to raise my son. I would be grateful forever.
PREACH!!! We always see ppl undeserving destroying the gud men tht are left out thr. An the deserving ppl are left feeling bitter an wondering wht is wrong wit us tht we cant find tru love. we deserve to be loved unconditionally also.
@@andrearidgell7350 wow this hit home
*This was broadcast 9 years ago, does anyone have an update? please and thanks.*
Iyanla, my family needs you. We have 3 generations of pain. 😢
Did you write her a letter?
😢😢😇😇✌🏿✌🏿🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
My BF have me rolling right now he said iyanla sounds like Whoopi Goldberg lol 🤣 she does
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
STOP!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@BriannaMcCarty I'm her BF and lol
Aren't they both from Brooklyn?
She looked like her in one of those younger pictures in the beginning.
Love Jc on the radio to this day... he has come a long way. So proud of his growth
This proves that those who want to be healed and go into that process with eyes open, they are going to progress.
This episode transcends race....this is about confronting the truth no matter how painful it is and overcoming it. And hats off to ALL Stepparents who rise up to raise, love, and embrace stepchildren as their own. ❤️
It's good to see Iyanla again. From listening to you solve problems am learning a lot about myself and how to handle hurt.
Same💯I’m grateful for her
Yeah but I think these are old check his mom phone
Me too. I’ve learnt so much and I’ve healed so much
Yes!
Iyanla, is beautiful ❤️💐 intelligent, capable and worth every dime she make.
when Iyanla told him, oh you mean to tell me you ain't called yo mam in six yeeeears ? now look what done happen. oh sheeeeit !
Hi
Iyanla you ALWAYS make me cry with your hug's. But I FEEL AND SEE THE GOD IN YOU. GOD BLESS ALL YOU DO.
When she walked across that pool, I started crying. It was like watching a baptism
This is incredible. Alex is an amazing man. We celebrate his golden heart.
i hate when kids are angry at the mum for staying but not the DAD WHO LEFT. not saying shes right but come on. being a single mum is hard
Do we know that his biological father left? If she got married and lived a lie exactly how would he have been involved? He's was angry at his mother for lying, he wasn't given a chance to be angry at his biological father. And then not being supportive of him having a relationship with his biological father now because of her own hurt.
its the lie why he angry, and I'm convinced some women tell half truths and never been held accountable, as far as single mothers, here's the solutions for those it applies don't have babies out of marriage
The son should cut is mum some slack because was a child when she had him and the father as well a child whe they fall pregnant itvmust been scary for them, at least his mum did well by bringing him up a well trained young man.
Right the Dad gets off the hook the mom gets all the smoke The Dad AND his family knew The Dad made the decision not to be involved as well
You do know that some kids are angry at their moms more than their absentee dads because their moms probably did hurtful things to them while raising them, RIGHT?? Kids don’t always just take out their anger on the parent who stayed for no reason. That’s such an insensitive thing to say.
The mother is still hurting that the love of her life left her when she needed him the most ...its clear she hasn't let go of the biological father
Iyanla is Mama Odie from Princess and the Frog!!! Full of wisdom, vision, magic , real with the laugh to boot!
Yolo, you watched too many cartoons
@@PHlophe 🤷🏾♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not really
I am upset because they never addressed his RIGHT to have a relationship with his Bio father. It has nothing to do with the relationship he has with his Mom Dad and sister. I know. I lived this as an adoptee reuniting with my bio family.
U r right. My mom told me that if I started a relationship with my bio dad that she would disown me. I did not start a relationship with him after all and she still stop speaking to me in 2010, because she heard bio dad's brother and sister tried to be in contact with me. So u r right, I wish the spoke on that aspect as well.💝
@@donnasantiago5016 so sad. Hope you will heal someday
@@michaelmaps2004 thank u so much!!
@@donnasantiago5016 you are welcome
dude ran and she had to deal with it for 23 years on her own as for the father oze already settled that . it dont take long for men.
Ms. Iyanla, If you're seeing this message. I would like for you to know that I think you're AWESOME!!! I felt your energy constructing this family together. It was extremely POWERFUL ! Thank you for sharing your blessed precious gift. Peace!
Everybody is so hurt in this family, if they can only let go and heal and see the bigger picture and show luv and kindness toward the past and each other. It would make the process of life easier. What else are we fighting about, itz to luv and be luved
When emotions are involved your feelings can go from far left to far right.....lol unfortunately that is us human beings.
Well said!
Shout out to papa Alex👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
That fear 😰 of judgement and to keep up appearances to please others first instead of supporting your own first - that’s what cause many to lie - yet what lies beneath of those whom we try to please - if only we knew - we all need to stop fearing what others might say/think and put self first and let God alone be the Judge.
That poor mom has so much deep-rooted PAIN. SHE doesn't even know how to hug properly, she can't even let iyanla hold her through it. I just want to hug her and help her love herself. You did what you thought was best mom.
The stepdad ssems to be really nice.
I know the father that raised him and the sister have to very heartbroken, that man raised him as his own, he had no right to tell him the truth(that was the mom responsibility) the sister is innocent… sometimes we become very ungrateful and hurtful because of ours selfish felling! I prefer a present “stepdad” over a absent “father”
That’s not your right. You don’t have the right to take away a child’s knowledge of who their real father is. And the stepfather would have been 100% within his right to tell the son that he wasn’t his real father and help him find his real father. Breaking up biological families is evil. Whatever happened. Children deserve a relationship with their biological parents. No matter what you think. If I knew, I would’ve told him the truth about his father. I don’t care. Because if that’s the only way he would’ve known, then I would’ve told him.
Sorry this happened to him, he seems so cool and tv
Iyanla is so powerful and inspirational. She was made for this!
I’m getting ready to have a conversation with my mom. I’m 41 and my mom lied and continues to lie about knowing who my father was. She told me when I was 18 she was unsure. I recently found out last year from her sister that my mom knew on the day of my birth - and lied. I’m watching this for motivation and research. Auntie iyanla always have loved you Wish me luck ❤
How did it go? U are so strong. I pray you get the answers you seek. That there isn’t any hurt just truth. And still come together afterwards. This woman is powerful. And so are you.
@@fallyneprinciotta9058 blessings to you. Me and my mother spoke and we have been doing the work. We are in a much better place. Day by day. Thank you for your words
@@americahasaproblem2632 I’m so happy I did the work. That makes my heart happy ur relationship is better than it was. It took me 30 years to realize how amazing my mom is. How lucky I am to have her.
Families issues/matters can be very heartbreaking...oh my. The way Iyanla does it, it has a style in its own zone. I love you Iyanla especially for fixing families' lives.
How does Iyanla do this. I'm drained watching the emotional work it takes to get to the other side. Imagine being in the middle of it and actually facilitating it. It's a lot. We need more Iyanlas.
His baby just felt a grandmother's love and relaxed so much he fell asleep. Babies can feel tension and react to it but he felt so safe in his grandma arms it didnt bother him
Cried the entire show...
This one had me more emotional than any other episode I've seen... I'm so happy for them... This young man was amazing... In the midst of all this, the parents did an amazing job raising him and his sister... Iyanla just had to lead the way... ❤
Hello
Omy than u haven't seen nothing yet. 4 real.
This is eerily similar to my own life story. I have been waiting for this episode because I saw a few clips a year ago. The main difference is my mother has not spoken to ME since August 3rd 2010. I lost my family because of her lies.
Lies, shame, guilt and secrets can destroy you if you let it. Family traumas never spoken create souls that are difficult to heal…..✌🏾
Mine too..I was Devastated at 51 to learn that my mother's husband is not my father. My aunt told me at 15 but my mother denied it until a few months ago. What hurts most is she basically stopped speaking to me instead of helping me through it and I still don't know who my real father is....I feel lost...
@@lsantiful1 that's awful. So sorry 😐
@@lsantiful1 soo bad.. Sorry okay.. I pray you find him 💜
@@lsantiful1 it's the same for me. I still don't know who my real father is. I'm 40 now and it still hurts me so much! My mother has not spoken or seen me since 2010. My sister also doesn't speak to me. My mother is afraid to face the lie. And it hurts that my grandmother and my aunt all kept the lie going. And the man I thought might be my real dad thinks that I am his too. I have people I don't know that contact me and say that they r my uncles and aunts and cousins. Its so confusing to not know. But the man my mom married when I was 8 yrs old, is the man she said was my real dad. So even though he raised me since I was young I have NEVER been able to call him "Dad". Sorry to go on and on. Today, father's day, has been a difficult day for me for years.💝much love to u.
I love how Iyanla did that mini dance at the thought of the baby😊😊
its the Xhosa grannie dance.
That was beautiful! He has an awesome step father too. ❤ to the entire family
There was a concerted effort to create this situation. Mom is not totally at fault for this situation.
🇬🇭🇬🇭🇬🇭 love from Ghana
They have me crying 😢
Oh Africa, THE motherland. Say hey to all!
🇬🇭
🇰🇪🇰🇪 Kenya
Nigeria 🇳🇬
Mothers go through a lo for their kids. i feel for Jc's mom that she had to live with that for that long.
iyanla you are such an amazing woman on this earth❤❤
I have only seen clips of Iyanla, as I don’t watch tv, but like 5 mins into this, I really like her. She seems to really be able to connect with people 🙂
You're late. She's awesome
Iyanla really changing lives . Love her for that ♥️
Iyanla. It’s a lie. The dad. If that’s the way you wanna put it. Iyanla. That’s the only way to put it. Brilliant the truth
I Love you Iyanla you are a Angel to the humanities I'm in Haiti
Anger is always directed towards the mother
lol no
Well,she decided to keep the lie going for so long.Who else is to blame?
thats not true, but in this case RIGHTLY SO
Anger isn't always directed at the mother. There are times when mothers lie and keep secrets and expect their children to be loyal just because they're given gifts and provided for, while overlooking their children's emotional needs. When a parent is wounded they pass that toxicity and with the reasoning, "I did the best I could with the tools I had". Which is true...but healing and forgiveness should follow.
Can someone address the fake crying scenes from his sister and mom?
His mother, was wrong, she should of told her son, that it wasn't his real father. I understand she was 17years, at the time. But when she became a woman. It was her responsibly, to speak her truth. Its bad also that the stepfather, didn't inform the child. He wasn't his real father. I feel for him.
Antee Iyanla is magical🙇🏿 and i need a hug from too
What a beautiful happy ending, from the past hurt. There's a lot of love in their family, and it's good they see it now, because the daughter was hurting the most, seemed like.
my heart goes out to the mother and son , be strong ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The smile at her sons face at the end was everything
I love Iyanla Vanzant!!!!.. smh she is the real deal!!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Omg all her episodes make me cry. Absolutely love her
Lovely 😍 😍 Daddy and all the 👪 👨👧👧 👩👧👧 new baby and wife 😍 ❤ 💕 😘 Happy Father 👨 ❤ day
Alex what a wonderful man, God bless you. The family will be ok♥️♥️
This woman has a GIFT!!!!
Her emotions, is focus on her hurt, conceiving an child alone, She shows, no emotion, about the lie she denied her son.
Family secrets..SMH Nothing I hate more..
Some useless parents get credits and those who sacrificed, protected the kid during discriminations, suffering, been there no matter what for the kid, and kept the child in a happy place are blamed at the end for not exposing the child to that useless person. (NOT this episode.) I'm talking about the real situation we see every day.
Exactly. It’s how the deadbeats get off easily whiles the ones who stayed and struggled are blamed in the end for doing what might have been best. The 15 yrs old dad knew about his son, what was his excuse for staying away? Yet he is now the loving father and the mother and stepdad who raised him to become what he is today are the evil ones. I ask myself, if he had known earlier, how would that info change anything? Will his dad have come around ? Or still be a deadbeat? Most kids take such information wrong when they are young. Most kids grow up with issues of self esteem thinking there weren’t good enough that’s why daddy never stayed. It affects a lot of people that’s why most parents wait until the kids are older and mature to tell them so they can understand circumstances better. Yet kids turn on them.
@@rhodaa.t557 I agree with you 100%
Oprah and Iyanla and other powerful women are examples how to accept your trauma with kindness and turn it into your strength. Best is how to use your life experiences for making others lives way more richer
The truth shall set u free and the lies shall keep you captive the choice is yours if u want to be free or u want to inprisoned by your lies.
Watching these are helpful Iyanla I NEED YOU
Alex should recieve a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back with praise for raising a child that is not his own. Thank God for men like Alex. If I ever have a trauma in my life, I will find Iyania. She is a wonderful therapist and a great human being. This is one of the best shows that I have seen. TX Oprah.
This is the best episode yet.
Baby boy is sooo. Cute.
At 20:04 and onward...that baby is so soooo cute!!!!!
I'm crying like it's me lord 🥰 FAMILY 🙂👌🏾
Miss Vanzant..you are good!!!!!
I need Iyanla to know that we need her
They say that if you feed a kid long enough he'll look like you. And uh... This gentleman looks like the man that raised him to me.
Its broke my heart to begin with when son and mom couldn’t acknowledge amd hug each other same with jose and his sister you could see the pain...
Im glad his wife didn't create anything from his mess and let him handle on his own with her right there.
Why would the parents let that 15yrs old be away from their grandchild. If it was my son yes I be mad for having the 17yr pregnant but then I would say well go take care of your responsibilities.
Thank you Iyanla❤ You are an angel. I feel for his mum. It is really heart wrenching.
A family that prays together stays together. Love this family, keep sweet.
This woman is amazing
The power of healing and letting go of the past and fears