How Ableism & Masking Damages Autistic Self-Worth
Autistic individuals learn early on that if they want to survive in a society shaped by systemic ableism, they have to mask their true autistic selves and hide many of the accompanying traits. But over time, masking damages our self-worth. And it may also fuel internalized ableism. How does ableism show up in your life? Do you experience internalized ableism?
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⭐️ TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Opening
01:06 System ableism & microaggressions
02:34 Miscommunications & Theory of Mind
04:30 We mask because authenticity is risky
05:45 But masking is self-defeating
07:25 System ableism creates internalized ableism
08:49 Wrap up
⭐️ LINKS
Microaggressions wiki: bit.ly/3giinOS
Theory of Mind wiki: bit.ly/3B0PhuX
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How does ableism show up in your life? Do you experience internalized ableism?
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 2 years old in 1995. Half of my childhood included counseling and therapy in order to fit in with the students at the schools I went to. No matter what I did, My autism was always the first thing people thought of when they saw me. This also includes my family as well. Nowadays, they've gotten a lot better and we've already talked about it and everything was forgiven but every time I come out as autistic to people, they stop speaking to me and it's becoming an annoyance.
Sorry to hear that's happening to you ☹️
wish I could help you
9:37 I was fired from a job for being honest about how none of the employees liked the new method. I didn't know I was autistic at the time, I was just being honest for the sake of human resources, happy employees makes a profit. Apparently telling the boss people don't like his idea means "i don't fit in at this company"
Sorry this happened to you. One thing I've learned is to never "outshine the masters". Retaliation usually ensues.
I deal with this all the time. I’ve been told by my own family “what’s wrong with you” or “you’re lazy” and would always accuse me of having an attitude towards them when I don’t and talk in a normal tone of voice. My dad always says that the change has to start with me and I’m always seen as disrespectful and that I have no respect for my own parents it hurts me and makes me angry to the point where I just want to snap. Honestly I’ve cried more tears than I can count. I’ve grown to hate myself wishing that I didn’t have autism, that I hate being different and not liking who I am because of everything I’m being put through. My parents even get annoyed with me when I repeat myself more than once and I can’t help it because it’s part of my autism. I can’t help who I am on the inside. Mentally and emotionally I don’t feel well. Jesus Christ and my cat Mouse are the only ones keeping me from completely going off of the deep end. I’m always being called lazy because I am. 😢
Sounds like you might be experiencing what's called "executive dysfunction"? Also, looks your folks might be misinterpreting/projecting based on voice/body language rather than seeking to understand your intentions?
@@EssyKnopf well whatever it is I’m tired of it. It makes me angry. There’s some ableism going on too. Don’t you think?
@@joyfulmorningsI see your comment was six months ago, a relatively short span, so I suspect not much has changed in that time. I just wanted to suggest sharing the videos you find helpful with your parents, asking them to watch them, and telling them which parts resonate with you. They say we have trouble with object permanence, but we aren't the only ones. NTs are terrible at seeing things from someone else's perspective, and personally, I have a lot of trouble explaining. So videos like this might be a really helpful tool for you to share your thoughts, pain, fears and experiences. With any luck, it might help them face their own Abelism.
@@melanierobson3336 they just don’t understand.
Don't let borders stop you!
I was late diagnosed, so didn't know I had autism until I was 48 and disabled. Before that I was really good at masking, but terrible at staying employed (also have ADHD). I could never figure out why I couldn't find my way out of PTSD. Internalized abelism is an important clue and I think it might be a very important concept for me to look at. I had been blaming other ppl around me and never considered I might be the one doing the most damage to myself. Thanks for the clear, concise video.
Thank you! Systemic ableism often gets internalized as shame. It's a universal experience for us all!
it's slightly tangential to your main point but your explanation of "theory of mind" is the first time i've felt like i understand the term, thank you. growing up, i had to learn to predict when someone was likely to be a danger to me and so i have always felt like i have a sharp sense of the patterns of expression and behaviour which are indicative of how likely someone is to become aggressive (and how to defuse that). but i could never understand what thoughts or beliefs would explain why they would behave in such irrational ways, it's totally alien to me. i can definitely relate to the experiences you mention of people misjudging your reasons and motivations when you tried to approach problems with honesty.
This makes a lot of sense, and I'm so glad this tracked for you. The Double Empathy Problem is also a great way to reframe unsuccessful social interactions with neurotypicals!
Love your video and presentation style. Thank you so much for your explanations. I only recently heard this term I seem to go from one burnout to the next because of ableism. My heartfelt thanks.
Oh, I'm happy you've learned about it! It's a real paradigm-changer!
I have experienced many of the things you mentioned. Thank you for being vulnerable and direct. You're doing a great job. Keep it up.
Glad you were able to relate to this Amirah!
This channel is teaching me so much! I'm sure, unfortunately, that my ableism unawareness has caused harm at some point in the past. I only wish I and others had this information much earlier. You're doing great work in helping to educate us all. Thanks for another great video, Essy!
I think this definitely applies as much to neurotypicals as it does folks with disabilities! Albeism is just as insiduous as racism and all the other widespread "isms".
I relate so much to when you said even once diagnosed your internalised ableism created the stigma in your mind to prevent you from attending the groups or accept yourself, that's the boat I find myself in. Have you progressed from there? if so what things helped you? thank you for the informative and relatable content
Thank you! For me, what was helpful was rather than joining existing social events, starting to organize social events by myself. Taking a leadership role allows me to curate communities based on values I find important, such as empathy, understanding, diversity, etc. For example, running a Meetup group oriented around community and friendship. This allowed me to set the tone for interactions, thus deterring folks who might act or talk in a way that might further perpetuate ableism/internal ableism.
I have a question, since many with autism do not like eye contact, nor physical touch, how do they start intimate relationships, or continue them? Do they want or pursue sex? I'm simply curious and I'm curious for both parties perspective. i doubt they're all aces, so as someone with just ADHD, I'm confused how the progression would work? In a typical situation you slowly makes ways to sit closer to each other, maybe make little physical touches, get some deep eye contact, cause so much can be communicated thru the eyes. But all of thats off the table so.... idk i have no idea. Idek if they kiss
Autism manifests differently in everyone, so there's a wide range of experiences. Some autistic folks might find eye contact or physical touch uncomfortable, but it doesn't mean they don't desire intimacy or romantic relationships. The key is that each person has their own preferences and comfort zones.
15 years an we have too accept "sorry " na dank u
0:39 Uhh, I AM highly intelligent and capable. What are you trying to suggest?! 😏
😅
i had this stuff happen to me and still happens. ! im now qnti people lmao
How old were you when getting invited to the theatres @ 6:35? If you were a teenager then that's totally understandable, but if you were over like 23 and still couldnt just be straight with her and tell her "Hey, i gotta tell you the movie theatres really overwhelm me and make me uncomfortable." Instead you just ghost her? That's kinda whack, and leaves her thinking what did I do? I invited him out for a good time in my mind.. She's wonder if she did something wrong when she never did.. you can't blame her nor call it ableist. You accepted her invites and went to the shows then just stopped.. i truly do not know what lesson or insight we are to gain from that interaction. Also just a thought, your symptoms that your manager chewed you out for (self-organization, managing time, and staying on track) sounds exactly like ADHD. I know a lot of autism symptoms overlap with ADHD , but those ones are especially ADHD. Idk just a thought
I hear you. Ghosting doesn’t align with my values either. I think back then, I struggled with assertive communication skills and recognizing when certain relationships weren't a good fit for me. I didn't handle it well, and I'm aware of how it could have left her feeling confused or hurt. As for the symptoms my manager highlighted, you’re right-executive dysfunction, time management, and staying on track can indeed point towards ADHD. While these symptoms overlap with autism, you won't be surprised to hear that I've since received an ADHD diagnosis. 😉
I have no empathy for the neurotypical foe.
It's not ableism... if you're not able to function around Humans without hurting them, why would you insist to do this to them? Isolation is an option.
You raise an interesting point about the challenges of human interaction. While it's true that misunderstandings and conflicts can happen, I believe that embracing these moments as opportunities for growth and understanding for BOTH parties is key. Instead of viewing isolation as the only solution, we can strive to repair and strengthen our relationships through communication and empathy. After all, it's through these experiences that we deepen our connections and ultimately find greater fulfillment in our interactions with others!