Mortician Answers Burial Questions From Twitter | Tech Support | WIRED
Victor M. Sweeney, a licensed funeral director and mortician, answers the internet's burning questions about burials and the interment of dead bodies. What's the difference between a casket and a coffin? Why do cemeteries appear to never run out of space? What are sky burials and green burials? Can you really hire professional mourners? Victor answers these questions and more-it's Burial Support.
Director: Justin Wolfson
Director of Photography: Rahil Ashruff
Editor: Richard Trammell
Talent: Victor M. Sweeney
Line Producer: Joseph Buscemi
Associate Producer: Paul Gulyas
Production Manager: Eric Martinez
Production Coordinator: Fernando Davila
Casting Producer: Nicole Ford
Camera Operator: Cloud Corredor
Audio: Gabe Quiroga
Production Assistant: Caleb Clark
Post Production Supervisor: Alexa Deutsch
Post Production Coordinator: Ian Bryant
Supervising Editor: Doug Larsen
Additional Editor: Paul Tael
Assistant Editor: Andy Morell
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Not only does he look exactly like you'd imagine a mortician to look like, Victor M. Sweeney is literally the most mortician name there could be lmao
He dresses like one too
@@we.are.all.barabbas well yeah... he *is* one
they also had an ER doctor on here, called Dr. Slaughter!!!! I just about died 🤣
😂😂 it doesn't get any more mortician than this
So true 😂
It’s great seeing Sweeney back again
Right?! Fine ahh lol
I clicked this as fast as I saw it!
It always interests me learning more about the dead
Agreed
Guess who's back , back again 😂
Mr. Sweeney is a fabulous educator. I'm so sorry he had to eulogize his best friend; that must have been so difficult.
That would be devistating
In other videos he talks about how he loves doing that.. It makes him feel honored and respectful.
Aside a spouse or perhaps your own child, I cannot think of a much more emotionally difficult challenge.
I'm a cantor at my church who regularly sings for funerals. I wanted to sing for my dad's funeral. It was tough and I was an emotional wreck, but it was something I could do for my dad and that felt good. I have never charged for my services and instead ask for a donation to the church--this is my way of honoring the members of our faith community.
@@lilgrannyari That is a beautiful act of kindness: If I may make a suggestion, however, I would instead ask the donations to be made towards the family itself, or to a charity of their choice. Nothing against the church or religion in general… I just feel it’d be better if the family of the deceased (or if lucky enough, the deceased planning in advance) got to decide how best you get to help them in their time of grief.
Pulling over for a funeral procession is not only a sign of respect for the dead, but for the family. Also, they’re usually on their way to the cemetery and this helps keep them all together and get there at the same time. It’s not going to hurt you to pull over for a little bit even if you’re on your lunch break.
I think of it this way: I get to have lunch today... Come on people, someone's life just ended. Have some respect.
And if nothing else, consider the emotional state of the people driving those cars, do you trust that they're paying attention to what they're doing and that they have full control of their vehicle? How well do you think they, in their already elevated state, may react to someone cutting them off, or pushing into their lane or stopping too quickly. Personally, I think it's a general safety thing as much as a sign of respect to anyone.
Genuine question, but what if I'm on the other side of the road and going the opposite way?
@@TheRandomSandwiches Rule of thumb is the same as for emergency vehicles IMO. If there is an "uncrossable" median- cement, grass, a berm, frees, bricked walkway, etc. you do not have to pull over for an event going in the opposite direction, on the other side of the median. If there is NO median- just a painted line, a road with no markings, just a dusty line, etc. you should pull over. This does NOT apply to school busses. You should stop for an unloading school bus no matter what kind of median there is, because the children could still be intending to cross in a way a vehicle can't. (Yes I know some vehicles CAN cross those larger types of medians but firstly nobody should be, because it's illegal, it could damage the median, and it's a safety hazard. Secondly, the types of vehicles you're accommodating like ambulances, firetrucks, or a herse typically can't cross it.)
Yeah I always pull over for that. I get the privilege of still being here, they do not. The least I can do is get out of the way.
I would die to have this guy do my funeral
Hmmmmmm...
Underrated comment, lol
Same, just be sure to revive me
Underated comment
Wouldn’t anyone? He seems like he would be fun to be around. Even if I’m dead I still wanna be around enjoyable people, no reason to make my ghost bored
This is my favorite person in this Tech Support series. He comes across as so knowledgeable and respectable. I love this guy.
You can tell he really loves his job
Me too. I hope he does another.
yup! never clicked so fast!
I've seen all three he's done (so far) and he actually puts me at ease with what my family will have help with when I pass. Mr. Sweeney is my favorite Wired video series. I have looked into having my ashes scattered in another country so I will explore the restrictions/legalities for that country. Many thanks to Mr. Sweeney and Wired.
Came here to say this. He obviously knows so much, but also obviously CARES so much and has respect for his craft as well as the bereaved.
Everyone wore camo jackets at my dad's funeral because he always wore them no matter how serious the gathering/meeting. It made the funeral a lot more light hearted and I'd do it again in a heartbeat
The one guy who didn't get the memo must've been wondering why nobody showed up!
That is awesome
THAT was super interesting! I dated a mortician, and I can say that, while I knew the answers to many of these questions, the one thing that has struck me about morticians is this: unconditional caring for the dead. He was so unbelievably respectful of the dead, including asking me to teach him how to paint nails so the deceased would look especially nice. He always referred to the decedent by their proper name and was so kind and gentle. It must be a trait in the funerary world, and you can see it in this video.
Honestly - and this is kind of morbid to say - Victor seems to be the EXACT type of kind and respectful human that you'd want to deal with as a funeral director after someone close has passed. He just seems so genuinely nice, and someone who is passionate about his job.
I'm glad he added in the part about Hawaiian shirts being worn at some funerals in place of black. I've always wanted this but people think it's weird
He has the name and good looks of a cool anime mortician-slash-professor
@@thecalhamI believe as long as it is respectful to the one who passed (and the mourners), anything should be okay.
My family just had 3 funerals the last 3 years all at the same place and each time has been a hassle because they either forget almost everything for months or they try and sell us everything like a used car salesman. They're nice but a pain to deal with
@@thecalhammy community and family don’t wear black. We have the family (more often than not, the dead’s favorite color) pick a color and everyone wears that color. Their flowers, casket blanket cover, decorations, etc are their chosen color
Victor was one of the funeral directors for my dad’s funeral. He is this kind and knowledgeable irl and it made the process so much easier. We had no idea he did these videos until we came across this today, super cool!
I am so sorry for your loss. May peace be with you!
+
My condolences for your loss, it’s great to hear that following something that heavy you had someone there that really was kind and wanted to help you in any way they could!
Sorry to hear about your dad, but also this guy has two other, previous videos for WIRED that are interesting if you like this guy! And if you want to hear more about sad/morbid facts and questions....
How many funeral directors did you need? Was it a state funeral or something?
My grandma lived in a small town. She passed when I was almost 14. For the funeral precession, I can still vividly remember seeing a man pull over, step out of his vehicle, and take off his hat and put it over his heart. It meant so much to me. It’s a sign of respect not only to the dead but also to the family. It really stuck with me. I still think about him every time I see a funeral precession
My wife planned her funeral in detail in part because she had AML and I think it helped her deal with it. When you are young and get a terminal disease you do things to provide some control over your life and death.
🫂🫂💔🕊🤍
This guy is about the only one of these Wired Tech Support series I will ALWAYS watch. Guy needs his own TV show or something. The way he talks, dresses and looks ... captivating.
bro look like a cartoon mortician, looks like the medic in some way
Why would anyone be proud of being Irish? You rather look jewish and can be proud of it.
This guy is exactly what I would expect a mortician to be like. Calm, professional, dark sense of humor.
And super handsome
copied comment
also very empathetic
@@xyloram22yep, literally saw this comment on the mortician 1st vid.
My fave is Caitlin Doughty
This guy is really single handedly carrying Tech Support series and I love it honestly speaking.
When my grandfather died in 1981, my grandmother arranged and paid for her funeral. She saved so much money because she died in 2003, and she paid 1981 prices rather than 2003 prices.
my grandma pre planned her whole funeral. the casket, what she wore, the music. everything. it was so nice. her funeral was not a stressful time, we were able to mourn and say our goodbyes. and we knew it was EXACTLY what she wanted, she planned it!
I feel like it's also easier to accept a family member's passing if they were involved in the process. At least to me. It feels like they were ready somehow? Even if no one can ever be ready.
@irockleftsocks13405 plenty of people can be ready.
@@Nightingale_timeI know people who do it while they are perfectly healthy, with probably multiple decades of quality life left. Anyone can be ready.
My grandma did this also to avoid her sons arguing over the casket etc
My great grandma planned hers out when she found out she had cancer… then was so mad she was still around years after because the preacher she liked left her church and she “had” to redo all her plans! She was a strong spunky lady who got a kick out of the fact that her metal hip and knee would still be there after her planned cremation. She found it just hilarious that those would get plopped in the urn with her ashes!
Before watching Mortician Support Part 1, it never occurred to me that something called Mortician Support would get a third part but now I need a fourth and possibly more.
I want to be a mortician. How can I start?
@@lol311 Just grab a knife and start chopping i say.
@@lol311Message Victor. He'd be able to let you know
Right? I think it's because death and how to handle the logistics of it aren't really talked about at all. It's an uncomfortable topic for a lot of people so it tends to not get much frank discussion which leaves most people in the dark/clueless until a time comes that they're confronted with it. I think this series is one of the most useful ones on Wired!!
@@lol311check out ask a mortician! i forgot her name (I believe it’s Katie) but she has an entire channel dedicated to the profession!
I absolutely agree with the teaching kids properly about death part. I was always told "it's like going to sleep" or something along those lines, and it *seriously* hurt me growing up. Because I know what sleep is like, and the thought of just that but forever terrified me. And sometimes still does. Being asleep forever is much worse than just being gone imo, and I know that both can be terrifying for people, but for me personally, I find much more comfort in it
My MIL died suddenly this year and I agree, we told our 9 year old that Grandma's has died but her soul went to Heaven to be with Grandpa. At the visitation she didn't want to go any where near her body but we let her be involved at her comfort level. She handed out the programs to every body, and wanted to bring people tea and water as they were arriving and helped me pick the pictures for the slideshow. Once everybody left and the casket was about to be closed before Grandma was taken for cremation, then she felt comfortable to go up to the casket and say goodbye.
@@moseschruteI don't like funerals. I find staring at an embalmed corpse in a casket morbid, and I'm not interested in kissing a corpse as part of saying goodbye. The spirit has fled, as I once heard a character say in a movie. What if you're an atheist? Do you tell your child that Grandma is dead and you'll never see her again in Heaven because there is no Heaven and she no longer exists? This is one of the reasons we came up with religion in the first place. Fear of the unknown, and death is the ultimate unknown.
I love Victor Sweeney. He's so kind, well spoken and well mannered. I don't think you can make enough Sweeney videos.
I’d watch a show of him just talking about weird deaths, or mishaps behind the scenes.
6:11 I still applaud Sesame Street’s writers for choosing to explain death to its young audience instead of writing Mr. Hooper out of the show when his actor died. One of the many reasons why that show was so transformational.
The workshop team tried to come up with a similar episode involving divorce, because so many kids experience that in their families and they wanted to make things better by creating a situation in which things were explained in a reassuring way. But they found there was just no script they could come up with that, when tested with kids, didn't end up with them drawing all the wrong conclusions.
@@tejaswomanThey later made a web episode on divorce for parents who sought it out. They also made another about death. In both, it was presented as something that had already happened.
Love this guy. You can tell he really takes the weight and responsibility of his job seriously, yet is so professional and personable.
yeah, he has to worry about the weight of the body for proper preparation. /s
My dad is also a funeral worker and he told me everything he’s said is 100% accurate. So cool to see.
Mr. Sweeney has made me so sure of the career I want to pursue. Although I'm only 14 years old, I've learned a lot and Mr. Sweeney has made me decide that I want to be a mortician. I've always been fascinated in things people may find weird or gross and being a mortician is just an amazing job to have in the future because you get to help families and give them closure and teach them that death happens to everyone eventually so it's nice to just know that there will be someone there to take care of you after you've passed. Thank you so much Mr. Sweeney.
Don't practice on your cat PLEASE
It's a good thing you're young because then you'll have the time to fully prepare for what the job entitles. Sweeney said he also started quite young at 18.
@@danutasiysz3552I think this is a u issue.
Just make sure you're good with chemical fumes and the smell,I wanted to do the same but chemicals give me migrains and make me dizzy so I decided not to do it.
oh\mg i love my cat so much i would never do that@@danutasiysz3552
My brother took his own life this year. This... actually helped. Sweeney is so polite and soft spoken and knowledgeable. It's really charming. The 50's corpo look is also great on him
My oldest brother took his own life in 2017. I am so incredibly sorry for your family's loss. ❤
I am sorry to hear that, you have my condolences.
Sorry to hear that. My condolences.
I am so sorry 😢
Same here- older brother back when I was in highschool almost 20 years ago, just like that other guy. I'll spare you the words of encouragement... You know them all by now, I'm sure.
As someone whose parents planned both of their own funerals, payments, music, church type etc.. it makes the grieving process much easier. There was no bill for me to worry about nor did I need to panic over where and what. I was free to just grieve. The kindest thing my parents could have done.
My parents refuse to talk about death (they're in their 60s). Every time I've tried to bring it up with my mom she says "ewwww, I don't want to think about that." So its gonna be real fun when it happens. (sarcasm)
@@highnoon9333 Ask a mortician has a video on possible ways to bring up end of life planning with people who have difficulty talking about it. It might help you get your parents to talk as well :)
@lindsayr9333 I'm sorry 😞 Maybe show them some of the comments on here about how much it has helped children prepare for the loss of their parents as well as easing them through the grieving process. I think it could be a deeper fear your parents have of leaving their children all alone in the world, and that's very scary for them?
Lucky you. I got stuck planning my dad's whole funeral and paying for it myself at 22. Your parents are the bomb
@laanaaloveOF That's precisely why they did it. My mum was left scrambling and fighting with her siblings over who would pay what and blah blah.. it was a total crap show. Mum said she'd never want the same thing for me, so Dad and her organised funeral insurance and wrote every little detail down, put all paperwork in a binder so everything was at hand when needed.
I thought pulling over for a hearse etc was silly until my first time being on the other side. It felt like the community was reaching out and comforting us by that small action. It meant a lot.
When you see a funeral traveling, you wait. Its not that hard.
The fact his name is Sweeney just makes this better. Everyone should watch these. Death is awful and can be so hard to get through, but having the knowledge this guy brings can make it easier to understand and help things not be such a shocker when they do.
I love him. He has made me super comfortable with funerals. Used to feel weird about them. Victor is the most non-goth goth you can have.
Sweeney Tod
Michael Sweeney. Modern Musical composer
Victor Sweeney just sounds like the most Gothic name never.
when my great grandmother died, the dress code was "summer", since she died in June. Everyone dressed basically for a garden party, went to church where we mourned collectively, and then we went back to her house, had a potluck and basically celebrated her life. she was a very strict woman and you were not really allowed to touch anything, so of course we all went through the house looking in cabinets and trying on her old 40's and 50's clothes. it was a blast, and absolutely how I want my funeral to be
Mr Sweeney is probably the most memorable guest on Wired. He looks so dapper and sophisticated for a mortician in contrast to the stereotypes of Igor or Lurch.
When it comes to children, please look into grief counseling for them as well, especially if they were close to the person. We had to do this with my son a couple of years ago and it really helped him. He was 9 at the time and had started acting out. The counseling really helped him.
I think that's such a good idea, I've heard great things about that. ❤
When my husband’s grandfather passed two months ago, everyone pulled to the side of the road. He had been a doctor in that community for decades, and a few people got out of their cars (when others weren’t around) or flashed their flashers. It made my husband tear up, because he had been such a pillar of the community for so long, and now it was sending him off.
That's a very sweet story, thank you for sharing it.
I live in Texas and seeing people pull over and some get out to pay respects is an amazing feeling.
I lost my grandfather a couple days ago, and we’re in the process of planning the service. This was really comforting. Thanks for making it all a little less scary.
I lost mine a few months ago , it's crazy how much you don't realise you miss them until they're gone
Big hugs to you.
I lost my father 5 days ago. I feel you on this. Going through the process of deciding between a burial or cremation, what type of service to do, etc. is very difficult. It's also very expensive.
My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones 💙
I am sorry for you lost 😞
Maybe I'm creepy, but having just lost my 74yr old Mom, I find these videos quite fascinating. Something you don't really think about until it's affected you personally.
sorry for your loss 🖤 hope you're doing okay
@@virtualmorgue 4months now. you move on day by day. as you have to. thanks for the comment.
I understand. I think I've been more interested in this stuff since my sibling's untimely death
6:53 “why are coffins so expensive yall just bury me raw” type ish
I really want to see him do a long playthrough of _The Mortician’s Assistant_ I would be fascinated to see how accurate the embalming process is according to him.
Yeah!!!
Endorsing ✍🏻
Up up up
Giving the eulogy for my first born was incredibly difficult. Hospital was kind enough to pay for her cremation and urn, but definitely something I’ll never forget.
I am so, so incredibly sorry. My deepest condolences.
Very sorry for your loss ❤
i hope you heal well
14:23 The way this man can bite back in such a composed manner without making it a whole thing is nothing short but amazing and kind of hot.
I think pulling over for a funeral procession,even if its an unknown person is a great sign of respect. Cz we all will go the same way one day and we too would like other people to show us the same love n respect we showed them.
This guy should have his own show. Teaching about this stuff and easing people in. It's just so helpful and easy to follow along.
Can I introduce you to Caitlin Doughty over at Ask a Mortician?
My grandpa planned his funeral, and demanded we wore normal clothes and go out to the local pub he loved. Everyone is different and he didn't want us to cry over the loss, but embrace what he brought to family and friends. I much prefer those as it is best to remember when they were alive vs. being hung up on they're gone.
But did anyone attending the funeral disagree with the idea? My mother wants the cheapest funeral and a happy celebration, but I know my brother is going to call me a heartless monster for doing things that way...
Your grandfather sounds pretty normal. I heard of people saying and requesting informality and celebration in their funeral for as long as I've been on the earth. Rarely do I ever hear anyone request weeping or formality.
That’s literally how I want my funeral to be
Your grandpa sounds amazing! RIP
@@SubjectiveObserver Far as I know, no one was against it as those were his last wishes and fit exactly how he was alive. Your brother needs to remember it is up to your mother, not him, how things are handled.
The first big death in my family was my great grandpa when I was around 6. My mom was frank with me and just told me grandpa died. Not "grandpa's sleeping" or "grandpa's waiting for us in heaven," just "grandpa died". And I think that's given me a good relationship with death ever since. I can appreciate the now instead of trying to fight the inevitable. 100%, be frank with your kids about death.
As a mortuary student, thank you for representing our profession so well! ❤
He is an absolute gem. Families are lucky he takes care of their loved ones during the hardest time imaginable
To have Mr. Sweeney be a funeral director for yourself or a loved one would be such an honor. What an awesome guy who handles the delicate matter of death so elegantly.
Absolutely agree with you
this man needs a channel of his own
I was so disassociated when we were were cremating my mother. She passed suddenly on my 28th birthday (idk why but it always feels like that part…matters) and I don’t remember any of it all, right after the fact. So much was happening for us all emotionally. But I do know I handled/bore the brunt of all the arrangements so my dad didn’t have to. I can’t recollect/compartmentalize the process of it all, or what decisions I made. It’s odd. But this gentleman’s episodes in this series really help make me feel at ease, somehow. It’s very healing. Thank you.
This guy needs his own YT channel or podcast or something. He is by far my favorite Wired Support guest ever. I'm a minister and his insights into death and funerals and all that comes with it are so wise and level-headed.
1. Pre-planning funerals and cremations takes a huge stress off of family members. My grandfather and grandmother pre-planned and pre-paid for their cremations. When my grandfather died it was a huge relief for my grandmother and my parents that they didn’t have to stress about getting it “right” for him. It’s actually kind of a beautiful thing. 2. Food is comforting for people.
I'm pursuing my mortuary science degree because of this guy and other people in the industry that educate the public on what it's all about. 🖤
If I scatter my grandma's ashes at Disney world, do they have to let me in for free to visit?
This mortician - excuse me, FD - gives me really strong librarian vibes. My mom died recently but she lived a good life; she was a teacher who made a difference in her students' lives. Love you always Mom ❤
I still remember all of my teachers fondly. Teachers are wonderful and I take a bit of them with me every day.
I am positive that there are students that remember her fondly, being a good caring teacher is one of the best things you can be in this world. God bless brother.
i love your mom too
u know, i wouldnt be surprised if theres a sudden interest in mortician jobs , because of mr sweeney .. his enthusiasm and humor is a frsh of breath air for a job that revolves around death
the issue with the industry is you want professional people who want to do the job - but not TOO EAGER to have access to dead bodies...
Fresh of breath air 😂
Honestly between Mr. Sweeney here and Caitlin at Ask a Mortician, it's really made me interested in mortuary science and seeing it as a possible career avenue, so you're on the right track
@@purpmusixhow the turn tables....
Always a pleasure to watch Victor, I (18 years of age) gave my grandmothers eulogy when I was in 5th grade, easily the hardest thing I've ever done. Much respect to Victor and I hope his friend is flying high.
Mr. Sweeney needs his own KZhead channel! I just can't get enough of him, he's such a phenomenal educator and makes something that is unsettling sound perfectly normal, and I love it.
I would love to see a Tech Support with him and Caitlin Doughty so all kinds of funerals could be mentioned. I think a lot of people would be into green funerals and other models if they only knew about them.
That would be a great collab!
She's absolutely a huge advocate & source of info on green burials. Also, Mary Roach's book "Stiff" was good as an all around behind the scenes on dead bodies.
Yeah, I don't really mind Victor but as a deathling I'm still a little disappointed that Caitlin didn't get this opportunity.
Victor needs to be a regular. I was excited to hear him back for a third go.
I been to a lot of luncheons after funerals and it really makes you feel better. I remember when my mom passed we went to hometown buffet because that was her favorite place to eat. We got a chance to just sit there and reminisce about my mom. Going through a loss is one of the most loneliest and painful things to go through and being surrounded by people make it feel less lonely.
Awww…I am sorry your best friend passed in that way. You are so strong to have been able to not only give their eulogy, let alone speak about it so freely. ❤️
Irish girl here, we look forward to the funeral. It sounds weird but it’s just the way we get on. When you’ve been through so much grief, especially if it was a waiting process with a terminal illness for example, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. Wakes that we hold in the house for a few days are honestly great fun. Everybody has a drink and tells stories, probably makes fun of Grandad in the coffin across the room. It’s just part of culture and I wouldn’t want it any other way
I had a fab time at my aunt's funeral recently. it's odd to tell people you had a great time at a funeral, but...
If you think about it.. sometimes it really feels like a relief.
This sounds amazing!
Make fun of the dead person in the room, and talk about how everyone's happy that they died. Do you guys lift up the dead body and make it do funny things for laughs as well while recording? How incredibly disrespectful.
@@ohcaptainmycaptain4829I’d venture Emelie meant, “tell stories, share good memories, and bring a a little warmth and humor into a deeply sorrowful time”. My grandmother is in her last weeks (days?) and when she gets to finally rest after a difficult illness, it will be devastating. I can only hope my family will find moments of lightness like Emelie described.
We've been 100% honest about death with our children. They were 3 and 4 when our dog passed away and they were there with us every step of the way, even helping dig a place to bury him and holding a small service. They understand that death is sad, and it hurts to lose a loved one, but they also understand it is a natural part of life.
I honestly think having and losing a pet as a child has helped me a lot to "get to know" death
That’s so sweet. I’ve never had a pet die, but they sometimes run away or go to live on a farm.
This is the way. Don’t hide it. Don’t shroud it in mystery and metaphor. Show it. Be there with them and for them. Listen to them. Answer their questions honestly.
Definitely agree pet care and loss helps teach the circle of life. I remember my first funeral ar age four. I understood who was being buried and why. I felt bad for the women who were crying profusely. Later in life, my spouse with no death experience was floored by my fathers death. I had to help him through it instead of him carrying me at that time.
I have a story that is similar to the pulling over when there is precession/funeral. One of my classmates dad died and he was a train driver. The cemetery was quite close to a railline. His friends at the rail told everyone driving on that line to use their horns when they were driving at that section. The entire funeral had a background noise of trainhorns as the drivers gave their respect this way.
It's been really interesting to see how differently people handle death and funerals. On my father's side of family funerals are for remembering that person's life. On my mother's side they are for mourning the death.
How he talks about the death of his friend is incredibly mature and respectable. You can tell this is a great guy.
I am clergy and do a good number of funerals every year. Receptions/luncheons are so important for the healing process - to end everything with food and laughter and story-sharing. One of the things that made funerals so bleak during Covid lockdowns was that the family had to just walk away at the end of the funeral without this chance to laugh and share and be in community together.
That last question threw me off because I was like WAIT other people don't do a repast/think they're weird?! People do after-parties all the time, why not when we need the company of family and friends after a tough, emotional day? 🤔
@@Nikki_with_the_blikki exactly! When my mother died in 2003 (too young and too suddenly), we had the formal reception after the funeral, but then Dad went around inviting everyone he liked to come back to the house. We ended up with probably close to 100 people at the house between friends and family (fortunately the weather was good so that the gathering could spill outside). That is the part of the day that remains the strongest in my memory - the love and the stories and the singing at that informal gathering was able to cut through the shock of having just lost my mother.
Agreed. Its also a time to catch up with family and friends whom we may not have seen in a long time. Maybe Uncle Charley lives on the other side of the country, and its been a couple of years since you last saw him in person but hes here now for Grandma's funeral.
I agree also. The reception/luncheon after is like an Irish wake without the booze. Get together and tell one another about the deceased. I helps more than offering condolences and walking away. Plus, for the mortician, it allows him or her time to ready the casket or coffin. They make sure the lid is screwed shut, "no bodies falling out of this one". And the reception allows the very close family to meet the friends of the deceased. If someone does not like it, they can be met at the graveyard. My former pastor's wife is being memorialized this Saturday, and there will be lots of people. "Feed my people".
Agree!!! My family does this at every funeral, there is time for tears and there is time for laughter
I clicked on this video for the sole reason of Victor M. Sweeney being on the thumbnail. I love this man. Funny, yet extremely professional and insightful.
On why people plan their own funerals, it's also worth mentioning that having things arranged ahead of time makes it easier for the family you leave behind. My parents already have their funerals planned & paid for. It's hard enough to grieve such a loss without needing to plan an event in the space of 3 days. (That's how soon the funeral is in Ireland). It also dispels any guilt or worries about "is this what mam would've wanted?" and alleviates the pressure you might feel to buy the most expensive coffin, flowers etc. It's a very kind thing to do. And fun apparently, my parents came back laughing, they had a great time planning it lol.
I'm the oldest and most organized person amongst my siblings, and I know it will fall to me to handle my mom's funeral and estate after she dies, and I actually have nightmares about it and not knowing what to do. I got her to put all her important information, wishes, etc. in a doc that I know how to find so I am prepared. One of the kindest things you can do for your family is to plan for your death.
Victor is so intelligent and lovely. In a non-weird way, I would honestly love to talk death and dying with him because his perspectives are so fascinating and educated. I loved what he said about delivering his best friend's eulogy. I wrote and delivered my maternal grandmother's eulogy. I was very close with her, so I wanted it to be personal, but I was also speaking to a room full of people who had all kinds of different relationships with her. Children, grandchildren, nieces/nephews, friends. I tried to make sure I related it to everyone because her loss wasn't just about me, obviously.
YES. That's perfect. Eulogies that speak only abut the speaker aren't universal enough to encapsulate a life.
I love the idea that funerals don't always have to be entirely sad. It's important to mourn their loss, but also to celebrate their life and celebrate in a way that relative would love in honour of them. At my grandma's funeral, my mum got to pick some songs to play, and the one right at the end made everyone smile. It was a really upbeat, positive song that reminded my mum of a specific moment in her life with her mum (my grandma). I remember hearing some people laugh in amusement, which I think made the mood a bit lighter. I like to think that my grandma would've loved that choice.
Here in latin america we laugh and remember the person for the good times.
@@makatronsame in the carribean but growing up in the uk as a barbadian, the british don't tend to want to celebrate but instead mourn in quiet.
@@sommerblume9671 I'm Dominican and we're we try to keep it as a friendly gathering to remember a loved one.
It's strange how we are all kids once, and generally all accept that we could handle more than we were given as a kid. But once you get older you forget. Kids normally struggle with deaths, divorce and other hardship purely because it isn't explained to them, rather than because they can't comprehend it.
Not telling your kids that a family member is deceased is like isolating them. Don't do that. Let them know the truth. It's a funeral, it's okay to be in pain; it's okay to be sad.
I think a big part of “planning” a funeral is also just that some people want to avoid that financial and even emotional burden on others. My nana died at 97, and a lot of the stuff was already taken care of or planned out ahead of time. She already had a burial plot and stone. She decided (after dealing with the burial expenses of my great-grandfather in the same area) that she didn’t want to have a funeral with a casket; she wanted to be cremated and have a memorial. She listed it all out in her will and reiterated it frequently, and regularly involved us with conversations about it. As a child I found it morbid, but at age 21 as I left college in a rush to be with her in her final days, and in the rough time that followed, it was such a reprieve that so much of that was taken care of. There was no guesswork and there was no anxiety, outside of the regular anxiety one would have. It allowed us to focus less on the afterwards, and more on the woman we lost and the life she lived.
When my grandmother passed away, she got a procession fit for a queen. Police escort, family escort, all the way to the cemetery that was thirty minutes away. I do remember seeing a lot of people pull over and move out of the way, but I mostly thought that was just because of the police that was helping with the escort, but now learning that people will pull over to show respect makes me feel happy at knowing that my grandmother definitely got a procession fit for a queen because our grandmother always brought our family together and in the end, she brought our family together one last time.
My grandmother passed away two years ago and I really wish she got this experience. Her funeral was held in her hometown and her grave was in the town she raised her children (about a 10 minute drive) and we had so many people pull out in front of the funeral procession, INTO the funeral procession, and people honking and trying to pass other vehicles in the procession. It was incredibly hard for me to see people couldn’t respect a funeral procession.
@@emilylehsten People need to understand that if you see a hearse followed by people or police, then you need to show some respect because one day, that could be you in that procession and you trying to help escort a loved one to their final resting place.
They police escort was to stop fights. It means your extended family is rough and likely to cause trouble with eachother.
Wierd - in Australia the hearse and the cars driving behind go slowly and other cars pass them. Heck in my grandma's town the funeral director walks in front of the hearse for maybe 10 minutes. I feel like it says we don't really want to say goodbye but we are anyway. People passing us reminds us that life still goes on.
In Texas most everyone stops and shows respect.
As a funeral director, these are great questions and you answer them so respectfully! Thank you!!
He is very easy on the eyes, and so smart. I have just began my career in death care and hope to be just as knowledgeable.
Numb Nut
He's back!! 😁 Shoutout to wired for listening to the people. He's a very beloved wired guest at this point! Looking forward to video no.4 sometime next year😉 Everyone head on over to twitter with more questions!
13:52 just made me sad i just wanna give him a hug
This answered alot of questions for me. I have already prepaid my cremation and ceremony so my daughter doesnt have to worry about it. And I loved the way you expained everything.And yeah, arguments/fights at the funeral are always eye openers
I live on the East Coast of Canada. We ALWAYS pull over for a funeral procession, as a sign of respect. It is appreciated, believe me ❤
Victor is my favorite! He's so intelligent and well spoken. You can tell he truly has so much compassion for the dead and their loved ones. Respect! P.s. R.I.P. to his best friend who passed. I couldn't even imagine that level of pain! 😢
I recently coordinated the services for the funeral of my oldest child, who succumbed to pneumonia at the age of 18. I have a new respect for Mr. Sweeney's profession, though having seen his prior contributions to Wired, he'd already earned it with his patently open, earnest, and measured countenance regarding the significance thereof. Whether or not he'll ever know it, I found the matter-of-fact consideration and grace by which he speaks of the processes of death encouraging and guiding in the most difficult of circumstances. Thank you, Mr. Sweeney and Wired, for this and prior collaborations. They are valuable.
I hope you're doing okay right now.
I'm very sorry for your loss. People like Mr. Sweeney and Caitlin Doughty have helped me process death as well.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
He really brings the FUN to the funeral. I would listen to him for hours and hours.
THANK YOU for another Mortician video with Mr. Sweeney!!!!
12:39 "Merchandise" ngl, my mind went to a very different place, just imagining grandma's funeral on a key chain or t shirt.
Thanks for the image lmao
@@leeno7oreo my pleasure lol
I really love that he explained the wooden dowel replacing the femur, but didn't say anything else about the skin. 🤣
I appreciate how he handles some of the more (shall we say) incredulous (and perhaps a bit judgemental) questions with a very measured, compassionate grace
I love this guy. I could listen to him talk forever.
Talking about death openly is so important. It's something EVERYONE will have happen to them so videos like this I appreciate people like Victor who have such a good grasp and openness about it
As for the luncheon part I want to share my experience. One of my cousins died a few months ago, it was disease related but was still devastating for the whole family. After the funeral for a week we would gather together to pray and have dinner afterwards. The first few days you could feel all the sadness and see people cry, but after that we would start talking about him and making jokes that we thought he would like. By the end of the week there was this huge get-together where everybody helped prepare food, there was even a group of mariachis. You could see the difference in the people there after the week had passed, we were obviously still sad but getting together helped ease that sadness. I think we sometimes forget that community can help through though times. So yeah, I think luncheons (even if they appear to be weird to others) can help people through the grieving process and in that way you can also help the family of that person. Just wanted to put my two cents, hope someone can relate.
just wondering for the mariachi part, are you some part mexican? cause we have the dia de muertos and also at funerals we prepare a lot of food and just be together. Also it´s very common to have musicians at the funerals, but like real regional mexicano, banda and mariachi and they do not play only sad songs
@@asophiez5265 I actually am part Mexican which definitely has an influence in the way I perceive death. The mariachis just kept playing his favorite songs, specially "El Rey" cause he always used to say that was his song as he was a "king". We even had a carne asada and his dad was singing.
I missed Victor, such a swell and affectionate guy and an absolute joy to listen to.
So well rounded and approachable. One of the more life versed persons I've seen. Thank you for sharing with us. Giving birth to new perspective everytime I watch you..
This guy is such a great speaker; very compassionate and articulate. Thanks for having him back!
I don't know if he would ever do it but get this man a show. He checks all the boxes. Not to mention that he would be SERIOUSLY comforting/encouraging to a vast group of people who struggle with their mortatliy. He really is the best of the Tech Support series.
I simply cannot get enough of Mr. Sweeney and his insights into funerary rites. His knowledge, respect, and wry wit are the perfect combination. Also had to smile when he discussed sky burials... the way I want to depart the mortal plane XD
14:39 Annoyed? Put yourself in other people's shoes and one day it will be you in the procession hoping that you can get through traffic quickly on what could be the hardest day of your life why not make it easier on someone? Also for the food i thought it was weird but sometimes funerals are long. They take a lot out of you making you hungry and it's a good bonding moment
This guy is the best one on this WHOLE series. I seriously can’t get enough. He’s just such a down to earth guy and it’s always a treat when a new one of these comes out
he would know a thing or two about bodies being down to earth :)
He's crazy good at answering questions, so eloquent, funny, and nice.
Nice to see Victor again! Loved hearing his answers.
I see funeral visitations, and then a get together with all our family a celebration of one of our family member's whole life.