I personally love dark humor so I thoroughly enjoyed this! Hope you did too! If you did don't forget to LIKE the video and SUB to the channel! Let me know what else you guys want to see in the comments below.
Appreciate you!
Social Media: linktr.ee/Kallmekris
Cut by Jason Christopher Mayer
IG: @jayjaymay
Hope you enjoy the video! Let me know what else you guys wanna see in the comments below and if I choose it I'll shout you out in the next video!
Do you like turtles :D
second :)
I love it kris you inspire me ❤
Hi Kris u looking good-er😁
Love you kris ❤ 💖
The Minecraft reference to the “who didn’t finish cutting down this tree? You cannot just leave them floating!” Got me tbh
Yes
Same gurl/boi
WAit wat if you’re in Minecraft if you DIDNT finish cutting it wat if it falls 🤨
i dont play it and i smlied
yes
"Dad what's dark humour" "You see that guy with no arms over there tell him to clap" "But dad I'm blind" "Exactly"
literally *dark* humour
I’ve heard that one lol
ohh I remember looping that Ik that tiktoker
@@user-bn3bv5mh5t ye ikr. Lol ;-;
Oh no! I laughed! Im sorry
kris "i scream in my sleep is that anyone else?" the veteran community: "we usually call that ptsd"
I just wanna say " The way she gives us a compliment before the video actually starts" that's really sweet.
“I’m a terrible person” -kris A mood. A literal mood.
Kris you can't box the child back, that's spawn-camping.
Trueeee
Wtf lmao
YUP LMAO
Hey look it’s the best waifu!
@@cjtheterrible2238 Ah i see, so you are a person of culture as well.
As you were saying "If I'm eating I need to be watching something" I'm literally watching you right now while eating suishi
i have really bad humor too and ill never forget when my friend was explaining how his grandma was really weird and i was eating a cinnamon twist from dominos. So i said "see this shape,i hope your grandma looses her hair because of this". little did i know the other friend we were with her grandma died from cancer. i felt so bad. Love ya Kris your hilarious!
HAAHHA OHH NO
Kris: "I'm 25 and I want to be unalive" Me: "I'm 14 and I'm gonna go drown in a stream" :)
What stream you goin to ima join in 😂
Beautiful. I’m 15 and I wanna jump off Burj Khalifa- thing??? Idk 💀🤚
Can I join you?
Lmao group suicide what could be better? We all wanna die it’s normal right…….. RIGHT 😀
@@aletheairvin7920 More normal than ever
-Kris’s optimistic sister: “You wanna hear some dark humor?” -Kris: “Oh yeah, I love dark humor.” -Her sister: “*Turns off the lights* Knock knock.” -Kris: “Turn the Danm lights back on.”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
fax no printer
I suddenly don't understand
everyone's done that joke at this point
😂
10:16 there is no way, I’m literally watching this while eating Chick fil a, Kris is so relatable
Does anyone else feel good when Kris compliments us?
Yass
YES 100%
O b v I o u s l y (in snape voice)
Maybe all the other millions of people who have commented this same thing on every video of hers, really, get creative with comments, people!
@@Kris.krisis so your saying that my compliment on her is stupid and useless because it was already used? Get a life
Kris straight after cussing: This is a family friendly channel
Right!? 🤣
No. Framily Friendly Channel.
Yo is no1 gonna take note that kris LIGIT said I swallow s*men like I think u just got caught in 4k🤨📸📸📸
The signature, for sure
Kris: Let's keep this family-friendly *Also Kris: *proceeds to cuss**
How is cursing not family friendly? All children know curses, don’t be so prude
@@tsfbaf303 they do but not many families accept cursing from their children (like school aged children)
People in my school swear a lot. I don't care if a youtuber swears but kids, or random people in irl
@@MossPathway Realistically from 7th Grade to the end of college, most people's schools and education centers have year-groups that swear, let's be honest
@@tsfbaf303 *prudish
The "Im going to the dollar store oh bleyeuoqdj-" had me dying cause that is so me lol
i love your positive attitude and your realness, you inspire me to just move on and live my life when i actually gave up on it.. love
Kris: Hey, looking good, got something from the dollar store. Also Kris: So let's look at some dark humour.
I love her intro cause I feel so much better
Kris: I’m a terrible person Me: Same. The Relatability level just keeps increasing.
Yes
“Is it safe to swallow semen?” “Maybe?” God, I love Bob The Drag Queen, he does great drag 😂
The tight hotel bedsheets are for me, celina and all my other sleepwalking buddies 😂😂😂
Kris: “I just want chaos” Me thinking: “I just found my soulmate”
We all want chaos in varying degrees
She's dope. Seems like the kind of friend you can have fun with no matter what you're doing. Like just dying laughing at Walmart.
Or when your in the middle of leeds (a big ish city if you don’t know) and you have no clue where anything is and pull out google maps and try to follow it with your friend We laughed constantly until we found the bus station - one of the best days ever
@@RobynK1986 I feel you! I lived in Leeds for a while and it was hella confusing...I spent over an hour one day stuck on the ring road on the way home from work trying to get to my house.
@@KatieM786 lol yea even worse for us we were walking
As a Southern American, I absolutely love your Southern impression! It's so spot on, it cracks me up every time
"IF I am eating something I need to be watching something" Omg that is my too! My food gets cold when I pick to long as well! We fam!❤❤
Hearing,”And you can Call me Kris” just makes my whole day no matter what happend
Same
Yes.
@@Scoob61233 lol
@@Scoob61233 idk I guess both
Even when its sunday night and knowing your going to school tomorrow and you only get a few hours of sleep that night
"I'm a terrible person" - Kris who also is the best dog mom to Kevin and makes everyone smile and laugh constantly and is the only reason some of us smile on certain days
But it’s Opposite Day
Facts
@@MsetFox nah
Can I just say I love your KZhead videos so much they bring me joy when I’m sad. You got me over my depression. Thank you so much for bringing me joy. I love you.💚
The funniest part of this video to me was when you asked "Does anyone scream in their sleep" I'm in tears because of that like I'm just imagining it like “*Sleeping*... AAAAAAAAHHH!!! *Sleeping*” I'm in tears rn
Her whole personality just makes me happy
Same man
Ikr
Ikr
Ikr
Kris: "I need to watch something while eating" Me: **Eating rn**
@@kynleymarie she hearts a lot of comments- Also we can see that .-. No need to reply to urself yelling it lol it’s cringy
Me when its 1 30 in the mourning: one more video! Me 7 hours later: one more video!
19:32 are we not gonna talk about how messed up that charger is 😂
Kris: "You're looking good" Me: "Yeah and I went to the sun last night" Kris: "Wait what??" Me: "What? I thought we were saying things that are impossible."
Lol
Hahah
Kris:"We like to keep it family friendly here" Also Kris:"Oh shit"
Here’s some dark humour “Never throw a paper airplane between two twins”
At this rate I am starting to be convinced I am the only bastard out here who likes the paper straws lmao
Kris: "youre looking good, yeah" Me: finally someone appreciates me
Hahahah…ahhhAAAAAA
@@Laquasha2.0 💀
True
nobody: Kris every time *It* is mentioned: "I'm absina- abstin-" literally love the little skits in between 🥰
I can tell you all the weird shit I do in MY sleep 😅 • Talking • Walking • Flipping off the air 💀 • Snoring • dancing • crying • Screaming • flipping the damn light switch at the end of the hall • laughing • Whine (Yes literal fucking whining) • Making damn snacks I think that's it 💀
When bro said, check under my bed, I thought, I got a loft bed, lmao.
I love her because she actually cares about her audience, it is just so nice and makes up for all my terrible days. Thank you! You've saved me from some terrible days!
Same
Same. I want to comment this on a lot of people but I don’t want to be accused of simping 😅
@@teatalks3426 Honestly same 😅
Agreed
Same
Me:expects jokes about dead children (i love dark dark humor) Kris: frog playing poker
“Where do you work?!” “I accidentally put my finger in the subway fresh cutter…”
“Oops I did it again…”
10:34 “I’m 27, heh, and they’ll never find Kevin.” Made me laugh so hard that my mom thought I was having a stroke!😂😂😂
Kris, if you were 'unalive' then there would be so many unhappy people. You make us laugh, give us comfort and let us be seen. Keep being you!
"Hello everyone I am kallmekris and you can call me Kris" is iconic, never fails me in getting a smile on my face, makes my day!!!!
Yasss
just now realizing ive been watching kallmekris for over a year starting with tiktok to youtube
*Laughs* FRIG I JUST LAUGHED ITS MIDNIGHT AND I FRICKING SCREAMED NOW IMMA GONNA GET THE BELT. *casually acts like I’m blowing my nose instead of accepting my fait* thanks Kris another awsome video
StarBucks: "We're saving the envirememt with our paper straws!" Also StarBucks: Has plastic cups.
Hey is this okay?? I am thirteen You better get your teen..... "I saw them smoking"
@@hansika7656 wait what?
@@sohailaeissa9608 amm no no I was just asking that is this joke okay you seems like a nice person that's why I asked you well don't tell my mom i was here ❌👄❌
when she says " i'm a terrible person" but she complements us every video
Thats called a dark empath
I read that as she said it haha
The screaming in your sleep is something I used to relate to but for some reason I don't have dreams anymore.
Not me sitting here eating my leftovers while I watch the video lol
Kris in her intro: “you look good!” Me: *Crying with mascara runing down my face this whole video*
OOF that is legit me like every time she posts lmao
Bruh in was naked I just got out of the hot tub
Oh, like from laughter? I thought something was wrong.
Who are you and how did you get access to my computer camara😊
I whish I was actually wearing mascara.. wait, wut, no, that's not a more manly thing to say dude..
Kris: This is a family friendly channel Also Kris: *Basically admits she's swallowed seman before* 😂
LMAO
Who hasn't though lol
@@lucario2able 📸🤨
Yes I love ocean male
@@lucario2able ayoooo 😧
“I’m 27 and they’ll never find Kevin” Welcome to Night Vale… >:D
She really said favorite flavor of pizza!😂 I cant !!!!😂😂😂
kris: "does anybody else scream in their sleep" me: "no but i cry in my sleep...a lot" 😀
Lol
No
I heard a theory that Dora is actually blind because she always asks where things are and never looks at anything and boots leads her everywhere 😅
Bruh
more dark humour: Why did Ginny get Harry Potter's scar? Because her and Harry were discovering the chamber of secrets :)
Dark humor is a childhood trauma we all have 💪 GO TEAM!✊
Mad respect for the GOT chair. I really hope all the spin offs come soon! :)
Once we had overnight guests so my daughter slept in with me. Well I had JUST fallen into a deep sleep, when she sat bolt upright screamed "NINJAS" and laid back down. Needless to say, I had a heart attack and maybe died for a moment or two. While she slept on peacefully and I was wide awake with my eyes bugging out for the rest of the night.
What caused your child to summon a damn ninja at 3am?
Once I slept over at my friends house and in the middle of the night I heard meowing...her cat had died 4yrs prior...turned out is was the f*cking parrot XD
@@thetunedtank8048 oh my God
I’ve been known to yell random words or phrases (everything from donuts to damn it ***), scream and mumble a lot. I have also cried so hard or yelled so loud I’ve woken myself up. My family has gotten used to it at this point 😅
One time I was at a sleepover and I had a friend who sleep talks, she had yelled really loud it woke every one up
"is it safe to swallow seamen?" Kmc: "I mean I do..." Fucking killed me. Hahaha
And then the frantic denial
RIP to the wallet of that chick getting gas on Disney property ... the "tourist tax" is no joke ...
they tuck the sheets so tight to help you not bring a stranger to bed and have all sorts of regret. Only room for one under these sheets.
Me: wanna hear some dark humour? Kris:sure Me:k "Turns lights off" Me: knock knock Kris: turn the lights back on
BAHAHAHAHA YES
@TheHicraft it's a really old vine, it was really popular a while ago
@TheHicraft YEA EXACTLY AKCJJDNV
Bruuhhhh dark humour to the max
😆
me - *just woke up* Kris - “you look good” me - “aww thank you”
same!!!!
Kris- I know you're naked me-DANG GURL HOW DO YOU KNOW???
Me- *stressing about school and stuff* Kris- "You look fabulous" Me- "You are my favorite, and the only reason I have any confidence" (I only believe her compliments lol, not any I get from people irl)
@@Hazeltrunk7 So true tho
Her intro Tell me you have adhd without telling me you have adhd 😂
11:41 he's clearly on the juice, a soft punch on the chin and good night, sleeping beauty! 😂
"anyone else scream in their sleep, no? Just me?" Absolutely killed me
One time my lil sister said in her sleep AND I QUOTE "My ToOtHbRuSh Is GaY" ..... I think she needs help 🌝
@@File4Code.x lololol wtf
@@idiot560 wtf indeed 🌝
one time i fell back asleep and still be able to notice i was sleep screaming screamed my brothers name still don't know why i screamed it in that state
i scream in my sleep and sleepwalk...
Kris: “you look kinda good today, ngl” Literally, i was feeling so insecure, and now you are the star of my day. Thank you Kris, ily
Kris's videos are always the video I'm gonna watch when I'm eating LOL
With 20 mil a year, your maid hires a maid to do the cleaning, you have three personals chefs and each kids has their own nanny, hell get a nanny for yourself too.
“I’m 25, and I just wanna be… unalived” is it just me or does anyone else wanna just give Kris a hug and tell her its okay We all love u Kris ❤️❤️
yes, it be facts
Its just you mate
Well then there’s smth wrong with you ☺️
I'm kidding mate
I just want to liven't :)
Kris: " this is a family friendly channel " also kris: " Fuck! "
Sorry to be this guy but she said “Channel” not “Show”. Again, sorry.
@@Followthecat893 no you're fine, thanks for telling me!
Lol so true
XD so true!
12:03 ill be honest i only now realised that was a lamp in the background like i legit thought it was a baseball cap or some shit like that AND I HAVE WATCHED THIS VIDEO MULTIPLE TIMES
ok due to childhood trauma. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKES THAT THE HOTEL BEDSHEETS ARE TUCKED IN SO TIGHTLY LIKE I CAN BARELY TUCK MY OWN TUCKSHEETS IN THAT TIGHTLY
Kris: “this is a family friendly channel” Also Kris: *”i too swallow semen”*
It's not fair I can't compliment Kris back in-person, she always makes me feel good about myself 😂
In my school I have the highest GPA alongside some of my classmates, for us its 4.33, that does spark my curiosity though, if schools have higher GPA's, also awesome video!
20:58 THATS LITERALLY WHY I CANT SLEEPOVER AT OTHER PEOPLES HOUSES. I scream like I’m being murdered, it’s like: ‘NO! NO!! * screaming at the top of my lungs*’. I hate it sm😭😭😭
Dark humor is literally my entire personality 😂
SAME
Same
Yup
Lmaooo
Same
Kris: "This is a family friendly channel." Also Kris: "dumb ass" "Oh shit. Oh shit!!" 🤣
The fact that I go to Kris’s channel just to watch while I eat
It is said that to this day "David" still fears the color green.
Kris be like: "You're looking good, yeah." Me: looking down at the PJs that I haven't changed out off yet...
hey I'm in pjs too :D also fo people like.. change out of thier pjs in thier own home?? like.. doesn't everyone wear pjs at home anyway??
@Lola Dacey So am I
So am i
Well shit i am not in any- FBI OPEN UP!!!
@@phlyingchicken4768 So am I
I love how Kris can just casually say “I’m a terrible person so let’s watch these”😂
Fun fact, I also sometimes have plants that come off my sink, idk how tf they got there but apparently plants can grow on anything even metal pipes xD
Trenta: About 900 mL "Its bigger than your stomach" Stomach "I can expand to hold up to 4000 mL according yo your own picture"
Pro tip: pick what you want to watch AS YOUR FOOD COOKS so you don’t have to lose the heat. Just pick, sit, eat, watch🙃
WOW!!!!
I use this trick on the daily it’s a miracle worker
Yeah, that's a good one. Though the problem is while I pick the video, which cannot be done in a short time, my rice will be fried even though I set it to boil.
New drinking game, everyone drink 1/3 of a bottle every time Kris says she's abstinent. Also, Kris saying "fck the turtles..." gave me a laughing/coughing fit.
Me and my siblings used to stare longingly at McDonald's hoping our dad would notice and stop for us lol.
I pick my sunburn too... especially on vacation. And that second one got me cackling asf... 😭
No one: Kris: "This is a famil- *swears* family friendly channel!"
I came to the comments to say that
I've had exams all day and this just makes everything better 🙃
☺️❤️
Umm Sus comment
Copied comment
Same ! Today Was My Last One And Yours ?
Credits to who commented it before u?? 😟
i dont only scream in my sleep, i also talk. And have my eyes open. A while ago i told my boyfriend 'to watch the damn series' while pointing at a ukulele on the other side of the room.
Scold all you want! The best pizza (on regular pizza sauce) is 1. Mushroom 2. Black olive 3. Onion 4. Tomato and 5. Pineapple. On bbq? 1. Chicken 2. Bacon 3. Onion and 4. Pineapple On ranch? 1. Ground beef 2. Tomato 3. Bacon 4. Onion and 5. Cheddar On Alfredo? 1. Spinach 2. Tomato 3. Chicken and 4. Mushroom
When kris accidentally says I do too, to the dark question right after she explained she was a family friendly channel.😂🤣
Kris, you look like you're literally glowing. The shiny eyeliner, the lip gloss, even your skin, it's perfect ❤
“I am 27 and you’ll never find Kevin” me making a duo “MoThEr ItS mE kEvIn UnClE bUrIeD mE aLiVe BuT I DuG iT uM”