DO THIS when dealing with a raging narcissistic driver
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One time this happened with my ex boyfriend and he was trying to grab the keys out of the ignition in the middle of the highway at 70mph… I somehow managed to calm him down finally and I stopped at the mall food court and said I had to run in and grab something really quick while he waited in front of the food court. I went straight to security and told them this guy wouldn’t get out of my car when I asked him too. They came out to my car with me and removed him from my car. 😂 I never talked to him again. 🤷🏻♀️🤣 not sorry
Wooow, you are the bravest! I never would have thought of that. I'll apply this technique if necessary in the future.
You are one smart girl!
@@p.w.352 thank you! I’m glad I didn’t live with the guy. It was a lot easier to bail.
@@artifundio1 Thank you. I hope you never have to use this method. 🥺
You did what's called a pro-gamer move. 😂 You used your false self against him. Sometimes there is no other choice than play a role in their fake theater.
Also, silent treatment from covert vulnerable narcissists often happens in the car and it can be just as awful
I had a 9 hour drive with my ex narc fiance, coming home from our awful vacation! He raged and yelled at me for the first 45 min. of the drive! I wanted to jump out onto the freeway, just to get away. It made me sick, he kept trying to make me apologize for something I didn't do! It's been a year narc free and I am doing so much better!
Me too. What a nightmare. Glad it’s over! 😊
Love the ABC game idea!
Same here! My experience was a 6 hour drive home after Thanksgiving at my sister's house. An argument began within the 1st hour, and he then drove wrecklessly for the next 5! He got stopped by patrol but somehow got away with no ticket!
It happened to me 3 weeks ago. The drive lasted 1.5 hours. He was raging mostly about the employee that triggered him at the restaurant from where we had just left. He had been tipsy and his CPTSD had been triggered. I didn’t know he had CPTSD until I did research days after the event. A small portion of his rage was directed at me, but he was mostly raging about his powerlessness to violently harm someone that he felt had disrespected him. He simply told me that I could never understand… During the drive, I was gripping the seatbelt. At one point, I told him that I was scared, reminded him that we were both parents and begged him to slow down as he continuously creeped up really close to a car that he thought was driving too slowly while raging. He disapproved of my approach to addressing what happened that night. He thought that only he had been impacted. He wanted to move forward like nothing had happened. In my opinion, as a couple, there were options for healing that needed to be considered. He didn’t like the idea. Blamed me for ….I’m not sure what, exactly. Maybe for wanting to seek help for his trauma that he left unresolved for years. A trauma with which he NEVER should have entered in my life without healing. Very irresponsible. Such denial. He broke up with me 2 weeks later.
@Jennifer Vargas You dodged a bullet...I did as well. Go forward in your life and be healthy and happy! 🥰
Yes. Being in a car with a raging narcissist is scary! I was just praying to get home safely.
My mom always raged while getting ready for car trips. When we were on the road and she had finished dumping her rage and stress on everyone else, she would cheerfully ask why we were all so crabby and glum. 😶. As if we were ruining her trip with our quiet unhappiness.
I would just leave mom behind at that point. No reason to bring everyone else down with her presence.
I totally know what you're talking about 😑
we must be siblings cause that sounds like the same woman to me
Oh gag. That must have sucked. My Mom kept Valium in the glove compartment. I'd hand her the bottle and she'd take one, or a half, or something. It had the little V cut out of the middle. Then she'd start up that 1974 Thunderbird and sail down the side streets of Aberdeen, WA. I'd sit in the passenger side and watch the mirrors and door handles of the parked cars fly past. I used to wonder what would happen when she hit one. She never did.
Sounds like every holiday drive we had growing up 😔
This is an even more dangerous type of DUI.
Being trapped in a small space with an abusive person is horrible. One time I just opened the passenger door and jumped out.
Did that with my narcissistic mother. When she stopped and told me to get in the car, I said I'm fine and I'd rather walk than be in that car (I was 14 - damn I miss that fierce spirit 😔)
A car in the hands of a narcissistic driver becomes another tool of control for them. A car makes them feel invincible if they are driving. Actually they can show out if too if you are the driver. In such a case they think you are too nice. Letting a narcissistic bully you in your own car is a mistake you will never recover from.
I stopped getting into the car with him or letting him drive. Once when we were at his daughter's house, I stood my ground and took the keys away. She was embarrassed but everyone was drunk except me and his son. His son drove us back to the hotel. His daughter never forgave me for not "going along!" We are divorced now.
In college, a friend and I gave a ride home to an acquaintance who was too drunk to drive. He spent the entire ride talking about how he could drive better drunk than she could drive sober.
His daughter probably use to the alcohol rages. She is an ENABLING MONKEY.
Good riddance. Sounds like he AND his daughter were both pieces of work.
Same here. I won't ride in the truck with him cuz he mocks me for my anxiety
I remember some specific episodes. Once I was backing into a parking spot and my wife was screaming at me that I wasn't straight enough between the lines. I ignored her...until she reached over and punched me. I finished parking, got out, and just walked away. Another time she was really stressed because her mother and sister and young niece came to visit from another country. Our neighbor kindly let us borrow his minivan so we could comfortably drive them around. I was driving them all somewhere and suddenly my wife started screaming at me because she didn't approve of the route I was taking. I just tried to ignore her. The next day we were going somewhere else. I decided I would just let her drive to avoid conflict. That was a mistake. They all loaded up without my knowing it (I don't speak their language well) and my wife was furious that I was not already in the van. She continued to rage as she backed the minivan up...straight into another neighbor's car. Of course, this was not at all my wife's fault. It was all my fault. Except of course the neighbor who was an idiot for parking in the street, and the other neighbor who didn't explain how to use the backup camera in the minivan... and I got screamed at. Again. And I had to explain and apologize to both neighbors. And pay for the damage to both cars. And of course neither her sister nor her mother said anything to her.
My narcissist had a meltdown while driving. He drove aggressively, almost 100 mph and spun the vehicle at a stop sign. The scariest ride I have ever survived.
Being trapped in a car with a raging scream narcissist gives a new and more litteral meaning to the phase "screaming metal death trap. "
It just happened to me. I’m leaving him as soon as I have the means. 😢
Hats off to anyone who's survived long mandatory trips in the Interrogation Box. After what I had to endure last time, I vowed never to get in a car with her again. Or, you know, talk to her.
Oh that's fantastic! The Interrogation Box. Congratulations on your vows!
Great expression The Interrogation Box.
Exactly. I took the bus home on Christmas day because I refused to get in a car with my narc family.
Constantly being in the car with the narc got me even deeper into maladaptive daydreaming.
I left him on the side of the road, drove to the police station and got a restraining order. It was the last straw that led to the divorce. Thank God that’s over.
I was on the freeway in Fort Lauderdale, Jeff and I were returning from a cruise going to his home in South Florida in my car. This is a fast pace four lane highway and he got angry that someone was following him to closely behind the car. He started to slow down we were in the middle lane and continued to slow down. I begged him to go on I could just imagine that we were going to have a chain reaction of numerous car crashes. He literally stopped my car, I was so scared I threw up in the car knowing we were going to get killed. The guy that was following us stopped his car an didn’t move either. I begged and cried and then all of a sudden he took off. This was a Mercedes c300 that could take off very fast. I just realized now in relaying this he wanted the guy following us to get rammed! I have never been so scared in my life. I hated getting in my car with him because he did use it to terrorize me. I left him.
Every time there is an incident , everyone else's fault , a pattern that never changes . Its embarrassing, it's scary, it's stress inducing. It's like the road is there just for them . Self importance at another level !
Everyone is driving too slow or too fast, in the wrong lane, breaking too much, not breaking enough etc. He'll bully people to move over on a highway but doesn't like it when it's done to him. He drives for a living. I try not to even pay attention anymore because I don't think he's necessarily being unsafe, it just ramps up my anxiety. I refuse to drive him anywhere, his relentless criticism causes me such anxiety that I do make mistakes because I can't do anything right.
This one hits, because I never connected that the car is where I was during some of the most painful memories with my narcissistic parents. I remember being a teenager and often trying to gauge how dangerous it would be for me to open up the passenger door while the car was in motion to just bail the hell out of there. One of the closest moments was during an interaction where my mom, at a red light, taunted me because she noticed the anger on my face and my hand on the car door handle. I will never ever forget that anger, and then fear in realizing that I was so desperate to the point that I was seriously considering fleeing the car in the middle of traffic. Gosh darnit, thank you for this video, Dr. Ramani!
Yes! This was my childhood as well. I was ready to get out and run away at the next stop, but I never did.
Exactly, there is no escape when you are in a car with narcissist
My moms signature move when she wanted to rant at me, was to get me in the car and drive around. I was trapped and hated it. Had I bailed out, she’d have been THAT much angrier. Funny thing is, once I got my drivers license? I offered to do the family shopping and errands myself. Alone. My mom then complained that I was obsessive about having to “run errands“ and would find any excuse to get out of the house. I’m 52 now, she’s 80 and occasionally she’ll still throw it in my face that I was ‘obsessive’ about running errands back then. She has either never figured it out or she understands why and pretends not to know. Either way? The lack of self-awareness is absolutely stunning.
Yup! I used to run errands just to get away from my narcissistic inlaws. They would always complain about how I didn't make time for them or I was too busy for visits. That's the point!
I hope at 52 you don't STILL live with her?(your ABUSER!) Please say you don't still live with her?🤦♀️
Isn't it amazing how they can remember things from 50 years ago and harp on it forever but call them out on something they said recently and they have amnesia.
You so did the right thing! Both my grandmother and mother would take advantage of this Captive Audience to dump some world class guilt trips and ragers.
@@cantstanditanymore I live 1.5 hours away. But, I did live with them until I was in my mid 30s. My mom did that weird thing that some narcissist parents do, where she would complain about me being a lazy mooch who ‘used’ them. And then the moment I would make plans to leave? She would find a way to sabotage it. When I finally did move away for good? I literally hid my plans from her until it was too late for her to do anything. That’s a whole Lifetime movie right there. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆🙋🏻♀️🫣🥵
Stay calm. But whether you’re calm or not, it will still irritate them.
It can only be called a nightmare when on a motorcycle or in corvette with a person intent on being a complete ass. The more I learn about Narcissism, the more I understand the behavior. It is all about control, that when you are off center and fearful it gives them superiority, and glee.. I will not stay in a position like that again
SAME Never, ever again !
Yes! This! I just finished commenting about my narc's dangerous driving habits and that has to be the reason she did this.
Exactly! They always want to drive and love having the power over people. It's sickening when you have children in the backseat.
Relatable! The narcissist craves control at the helm of his moto, 'vette, or bimmer. Let alone the road rage incidences if anyone or anything gets "in the way" of the narcissist. & if any topic mentioned, particularly a circumstance where the narcissist has no control over, things do not go their way (the narcissist rages, loses concentration & erratically swerves), avoids the topic, somehow irritates or displeases that narcissist, they'll: drop you off, literally, at the drop of a hat.
The first and only outburst my friend had in the car was not rage. It was demonic. That was the smoking gun for me to walk away.
Yes...Demonic describes my narcs rage on the car and at home... NEXT LEVEL EVIL👿
It definitely feels demonic!
Yes, I've been stucked in a car by a narcissist many times. Once I've opened the door while the car was moving I was ready to jump out and I felt like I'm crazy :( Thank you dr Ramani ❤️
I was driving when my narc sister erupted in rage, mocking, I forget why but she had been on my back all day. I found it interfering with my concentration so I asked her to stop and she wouldn't. Back then I didn't understand the toxic behavior. When I fought back directing her to stop, that's when she exploded in glee - pointing to me saying "See? See how you act?" And, it was because she shifted from rage to glee that I began to see what this personality disorder was about.
The exact same thing happens with my sister too. Every car ride is a game for her where she either winds you up or rages to intimidate you.
THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!! I was my mother’s hostage during many nightmarish car rides from hell, during which I would be the target of her rage, either through constant screaming and belittling or through silent scorn. And then when we would reach our destination, she would exit the car and be sickeningly nice to other people. You just validated that part of me that no one else ever saw because the abuse was so hidden due to her duplicity!
Me too😬😳😟
Exactly! They would rage during car rides and then pretend like nothing happened. And you're supposed to go along with it.
This was my growing up experience. Just thinking about it makes my stomach get in knots. My father often had rage while driving. An example, one time my dad had to pick me up from a function. He came flying into the parking lot screeching tires and mad. I was so humiliated and embarrassed. This could happen any time for any reason.
I remember the childhood terror of being in the car when my parent decided to "freeze out" an oncomng car trying to pass ours. The high speed and competition, followed by glee when "successful" was the scary Other Side of the parent.
Sorry about that Chris, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?
That was my n-ex.
Good morning all! Many people are narcissistic drivers these days. And without the rule of law. It becomes difficult to navigate. My exwife did this behavior. She usually drove to hold me prisoner while she raged on.. It was one of the many things that broke us.
Morning
My narcissistic husband held my three son's and me HOSTAGE IN THE CAR quite frequently. When my son's became adults and no longer passenger's in the car, I told my husband to pull over. I got out of the car and called my sister to please come and get me. When hubby started to become active in car rages, I drove and I have driven without him to an event when we were invited as a couple. There were times, my husband challenged another driver and started playing "his rage games". One time, the other driver reacted to the challenge. My husband became afraid and hid in a driveway with car lights out. The "chase" resulted in damaged new tire treads. What happened to his three young children and wife (me)? We had NO CONTROL and frightened for our lives!!! He would make fun of me when I braised myself for a possible collision.
Wow, this triggers a lot of really bad memories! It was the final straw to my marriage to a grandiose narcissist. He drove a gasoline tanker truck and was angry at me. Told me to watch the news because people were going to die tonight and it would be spectacular! I spent the night packing up his clothes and threw him out! That's what it is like when you have a grandiose narcissist and I was DONE!!!
I have one suggestion, if you are driver and your narcissist is in your car, you should call some person using car speakers and talk for sometime.
My father, the narcissist, is such a scary person in the car. If someone does something to piss him off, he'll break check the people, or he'll refuse to back down against another raging car person, so they'll go head to head with other crazy drivers. It's terrifying! He's nearly killed us multiple times in the car, and he refuses to let anyone else drive. My mother doesn't usually get into it with him, but she will in the car because it's seriously so scary.
Psychos
Have you ever secretly filmed him?
My dad couldn't bear it when others passed him, so he wouldn't allow it. What an a-hole.
@@rybpo7 That sucks. Mine always drives so fast he rarely has to worry about it. Then when someone does pass them, oh well then, THEY"RE definitely going too fast. Whatever speed he goes is perfectly fine but pass him? WE get an earful about how stupidly fast they're going. 🤣
I finally refused to EVER drive in the same car with my narcissist. Even on a plane trip I would meet him at the airport and while we both had to pay to park it was so much less stressful as he loved to play the time game too even missing a flight once and of course then playing the blame game. Thankfully that was my former life and I have since educated myself thanks to channels like yours and others and have very strict boundaries now. My children recall the road raging and I am sad they were exposed to this but thankfully their time in the car with him was very limited. Choose wisely, treat kindly.
Yep. I got to that point too. Nor would I go and even meet him anywhere anymore due to his staring at other women right in front of me. Last time was on a Valentines dinner date. He had to stare at a short skirted girl walking by with bright red tights. I’ll never forget it. That was after 20 some years of the same ole same ole and trying to tell him how much it’s disrespectful and hurtful. He didn’t care. He wouldn’t stop. So I just stopped everything. Driving was a nightmare yes.
As a child, every drive with my narc family would end in a fight and the road trips were the worst. They still behave like this but I have my license and refuse to get in a car with them.
My narc mother [now almost 80] wanted to take me shopping on my birthday a few years ago & insisted driving. I know better, it's a hostage situation. But since it was a short trip I said yes, mainly to avoid her raging. Less than 2 minutes down the road she turned to me & said, 'you know there's something I've wanted to tell you but never did, I know it's bad to say this but I have to get it off my chest, I never loved you, I never felt connected to you even when you were a small child because you were so weird. I just had to say that, now I feel better'. I am the only child. We got to the store, I was so stunned I could barely walk. I asked to go home after about 15 minutes, said I had a migraine. She was grinning/smirking. It was the best birthday ever for her.
That's normal for them. Cruelty. Why? There is no way to get even. Get the Fuck away from this extreme Borderline. 😭😠
Oh my God I distinctly remember my multiple rides with narcex husband, the aggressive speeding, cursing and tension to which I reacted with utter and complete stonewalling (while silently praying for safety) were so scary and so incredibly draining that I would often need to isolate myself for a few mins after arriving to whatever destination it was (some crying was involved oftentimes)... definitely top 5 of my worst moments in that marriage! Almost developed ptsd for it... couldn't trust anyone to drive me for the next 2 years afterwards!
I once was hit in a parking lot by a raging narcissist lawyer and, of course, it was his fault. As soon as I opened my car window, he was in my face yelling it was all my fault! I immediately rolled up my window, locked all doors and called the cops. He was not happy he couldn't vent...and I felt so grateful and just smiled at him as we had witnesses.
Oh they thrive I mean thrive on arguing. They'll Luck you and then Luck you over.
In my last relationship, I was told by his mom that I was no longer welcome at her house. So, we left on his motorcycle to drive the two hours to his house. About an hour into the drive his motorcycle broke somehow to where it wasn't propelling itself forward anymore. So, he called his mom for help. He didn't mention i was there. She found out when she pulled up and saw me sitting next to him on the curb. She was NOT happy to see me. She spent the last hour of the ride talking bad about how my weight must have caused the bike to break, how she's the reliable one, blah, blah, blah. I sat there quietly until I got out. Thanked her. And went inside while they unloaded the bike and said goodbye. He only spoke up in my defense saying, I'm welcome at HIS house. That's in HIS name. Even though she bought the trailer it was now his. No one could deny that I was, at the time, over 200 lbs and therefore fat. But that's how I got through a car ride with her. I could not see a future with her as my mother-in-law. Let alone as a grandmother to my kids. Bleck. 🤢 Our relationship came to an end when he said i was ruining his life. So, I logic-ed at him. "Oh, if I'm the problem I'll leave." That left him back peddling but my mind was made up. My grandparents gave me the money I needed to get out a mouth and a half later. Best. Thing. They. Have. EVER. Helped. Me. With!!! I'm now married to a wonderful person who has provided me a safe place to work through both our past traumas. Plus, we have a 2 year old and 3 kids from their previous marriage. A blended family that could've never happened if my last partner hadn't been so honest. 😅
Some of the worst experiences I’ve had in my narcissistic family have been in car rides. My narcissistic parent figure paid for my dental appointments in another city 2 hours from where we live, it’s way cheaper down there there (in Mexico) and she would have me drive her with me to the appointments, (we had family in Mexico so she would get her narcissistic fix down there as well, win-win situation for her). And those car rides are some of the WORST memories of my childhood/life. She would take the opportunity to tell me how stupid and idiotic I was, how wrong I was, how selfish I was, how much of a coward, how everything I did was just wrong (it doesn’t matter what the subject was about I was just a bad, stupid person no matter what). Another time I was driving my family of narcissists back home and my parent figure instigated all the flying monkeys to attack me and I remember trying to get home in the middle of a nervous breakdown while driving. Worst experience of my life. 3 people sadistically talking crap to me while I’m driving. The last time I got in a car with any of them was after a surgery and I needed to go to a follow up… you’d think the narcissist would have some compassion but no: I was stupid and selfish and doing everything wrong. I almost opened the door and threw myself out of the moving vehicle. I will NEVER get in a vehicle with them ever again. When we go to family events I drive by myself, people think I’m selfish and weird … I don’t care anymore. And frankly I’ve stopped going to family events since late 2022. It’s been hard but necessary.
My 88 yr old covert narc mom started throwing temper tantrums in my car the past 3 years. I would be driving her to a drs appt or shopping and if I deviated off the main road and took a shortcut, she would fly into a rage. I guess due to change? Unfamiliar surroundings? During one meltdown when I did not turn down the street she told me to, she yelled out "YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BE CONTROLLED". That told me everything.
If this is new behavior, sounds like maybe dementia.
@@joellepatry493 It's hard to know where narcissism ends and dementia begins. She is fully independant and drives wherever she wants. They say if its dementia she would be getting lost.
@@daynapeterson9033 OCD and Autism do this, too. They can not handle different routes. Your Mom is 88 for Lord's sake. Drive the roads she feels more comfortable taking. I don't understand what the big deal is? Some battles aren't worth the amount of stress you wanna put on yourself.
@@lorireed8046 I guess you do not understand narcissism. She has been verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive for 60 years. I no longer enable such behavior. I walked away 10 months ago. No longer my problem. Sounds like you may have a bit of an enabler mentality. That doesn't work here.
@@daynapeterson9033 Yea cause you said that in your original post??? You said the past 3 years and now you're saying past 60 years AND you walked away 10 months ago. People go by what you post people don't know more than what is said and it only seemed like she was negative for 3 years ... This was the straw that broke your back type thing then and you should've communicated this.
I’ve also been in a car with a narcissist who recklessly drives, when in a rage. It just occurred to me that I can dial 911, tell them I’m in a car with a reckless driver, provide the license plate number, a description of we are, and ask for immediate help. Hmm….🤔
Another solution to this problem? If you have a cell phone, and the narc starts raging at you in the car, call someone, anyone, especially someone that you KNOW the narc would be embarrassed and ashamed to rage in front of, and put them on speakerphone. That way, you have a witness, and if anything else happens, you can ask the person you're calling for help. Either the narc will realize they're shaming themselves (unlikely, but you never know) or you'll have a witness to their insanity. Either way, win/win for you. Hope that helps. :)
I hit RECORD on my AUDIO RECORDER app pre installed on my particular phone. I have many many recordings of his VILE, DEMONIC RAGES. Pretty sure any lawyer, judge, would grant me a divorce in 5 seconds FLAT!!!!👍
@@cantstanditanymore Yeah, that works too. But only if you plan to actually share those recordings with the right people in order to expose the narc. Otherwise, he's still going to havepower over you, even with those recordings.
As always, Dr. Ramani you are spot on and yes very helpful. Decades ago I learned the two car solution for long trips to protect the children and myself. Staying on speakerphone with people he wanted to impress also helped for short rides.
Great idea!
The speakerphone thing is genius!! They care SO much about image!! Very smart!
I've gotten out of the car twice now. It's not always possible and it's quite a thing to do when a narc is raging. They want us to participate in their meltdown and taking that away can bring the wrath of the narc down on us. Getting out of the vehicle is effectively telling the narc, "I'm not going to sit here and let you do this to me". They don't like being told "no". I've never gotten an apology for things like this, I'm sure the narc in my life believes it was all my fault and no apology is deserved. Stay safe.
If I were driving I would be tempted to find a safe place to park. I would get out of the car, and taking the keys with me, I would walk away. But I know that could make things worse for some people. But I did once witness a raging narcissist get abandoned by the target of their rage, who was also their ride home. I won't deny that I felt some schadenfreude at watching the narcissist's power being deflated, and their panic about the humiliating predicament they had put themselves in.
SHADENFREUDE???? What does it mean??? Thanks🤷♀️
@@cantstanditanymore It means finding joy in someone's pain.
This would happen A LOT more, if the narcissists weren't so persistent and thorough about "making you pay for it." Even though it was the narc's fault.
My mom and sisters rage while driving the car. They are terrifying and death feels imminent the whole time. In recent years i have taken somewhat drastic measures to avoid car rides with them
I’ve had several traumatic experiences while in a car with Narcissistic partner. I once jumped out of a moving car which put me in the ER. I once jumped out of the car, which was stopped, and ran across 4 lanes of traffic to get away. I’ve been pulled out of the car and left on the side of the road more than twice. I’ve been beaten while the narcissist was driving. Once he just stopped in the intersection while I begged for him to go. This person is a psychopath which explains all the narcissistic abuse. I’m so grateful that I eventually got out of the relationship but there is occasional contact because of our 38 year old son. I keep the focus on our son and don’t let him drag me into his insanity. Thank you for educating people about the narcissist. If anyone is stuck in those relationships, get out now and get therapy. I’ve been in therapy for years to help recover from the trauma.
Good timing for this video. I have a 6 hour trip to a funeral tomorrow with my road rage husband. Trying to plan ahead how I am going to preserve my peace in the car. I might just fake sleeping in the back seat and avoid any conversation. As a hockey Mom with lots of time on the road we can't seem to get through a whole weekend without a melt down from him in the car.
Same🙄🙄. Road rage ON TOP of being a narcissist is my husband... I do not talk or strike up a normal conversation in the car.. Ever... Somehow gets ALL TWISTED into a FULL BLOWN argument and rage fest and of course ITS ALL MY FAULT... 🖕🖕 that's what I have to say about all that..... 🙄
My first time standing up to my dad was in the truck on the highway. He kicked me out and left me to walk on the highway at 12 years old for over an hour just to teach me a lesson.
They're always looking for a fight while driving because you can't escape them! This was my childhood, our "family road trips" and it still happens today. I only get into a car with them when there's no other option. I took the bus home on Christmas day.
Safety first! Tip: ALWAYS take motion sickness tablets with you, just in case. Even if you don't suffer from this, the meds will help with the nausea you'll feel from being raged at by your out-of-control narc! Narc road rage is horrifying. As a driver, I've pulled over in the face of the rage and shut the engine . As a passenger, I've moved as far as possible from the driver (in the other front seat) and rested my forehead against the cool window, just to get some physical relief from the emotional anguish...
Yes. He was upset about something then drove recklessly on a snowy road and smirked then laughed that I and our children were expressing our fear. It was very traumatic. I’ll never forget it. In the future, I did my best to drive myself and make sure our children were with me while I was driving.
The narcissistic drivers rage during my childhood, oh wow! How that just triggered CPTSD. The times when my father and brother both would rage while those of us in the backseat were so out of any control over the vehicle and the total possibility that we all could crash. Wow…. Stuff I haven’t unpacked in decades. And yet, I remember in my married life the times being trapped in the hostility and anger that would be directed at me and having no means of escaping. I’ve never recognized it till now. Why the car IS definitely a means of these horrible episodes with narcissists, that trap and control the people in their lives. How abusive and confusing it is at the time it occurs. The blame shifting and gaslighting through their rage. And all one can be is extremely confused and panicked, because everything is so completely out of control. So much to think about on this one. 🙌🏼
As a child, my narcissistic sister had regular meltdowns during car rides. Even as adults, every ride with my narc family ends in a fight.
I stopped getting in cars with him after he almost killed me and our kids driving high on blow after swearing he would never touch drugs again if we just came back. I wanted to come back to give birth in the hospital i was comfortable with but damn like he got the word we were coming back and his promises went out the window as soon as he was on his way to us. He just couldnt resist and by the time I knew he was high it was too late. Never return to your abusers. Nothing is worth it. Kids and I are safe and free with a long term restraining order thank god.
Restraining orders are a JOKE!
Yes, my narcissistic mother would often rage at me and my sibling when we were trapped in her car. She would often speed as she was screaming at us, too. It was terrifying. My sibling would sometimes try to open the door and jump out, which then would cause my mom to blame them and call them crazy. Also, sometimes she got so mad at us that she pulled over and let us walk home, tires screeching as she sped away. This happened on the side of the freeway once. We were just kids. Crazy stuff.
@jessieperson Sounds like a very cruel experience for you to experience as young children Glad to see you made it to this amazing channel & community
OMG! It's like Dr.Ramani knows the exact incidents happening in my life. I experienced narcissistic rage while traveling with the narc, and I got a major panic attack. It was the worst 3 hours of my life. Just last week it happened again but luckily I was closer to home so I was able to get down from the car, while the narc drive away with my bag and phone in the car. I had to walk 4 kms to reach home but it was better than being stuck inside the car with all the yelling and screaming.
My father would choose every morning on the way to middle school or high school to tell my sister and I how "weird", unattractive, or overweight he thought we looked. We were none of those things. We both dealt with health problems related to anorexia most of our teens and twenties.
@mptavar Since when are narcs honest? They love to gaslight, invalidate and devalue people. They, also, project a lot.
@mptavar if we didn't look 5 to 10 pounds underweight we were "fat" to him.
What a POS! I'm so sorry you went through that, you and your sister didny deserve that. I also wonder how he treated your mother. I hope you dont date anyone like him. Much love to you and your sibling ❤
For me, getting fat was my protection...sort of. My mother's POS spouse was always up my butt abotu how disgusting fat people were and how I was disgustingly fat. (the doctor said I was already on the thin side). And since I hated him as much as he hated me, I'd be damned if I was gonna starve myself to please him!! I've been a Contrary since the day I was born, so I went FULL Contrary and packed on every pound I could. He flipped out on me a lot more often and a lot harder after that but he was so "disgusted" by my "gross fat" body that he totally quit m**esting me. Yes I'm still chubby, but it's because I have a wonderful marriage with a wonderful man who REALLY loves to eat delicious food together, and he loves me how I am for who I am. Living well is the best revenge!
My "car experience" was a bit different. He liked to use it as a captive audience situation. He provoked reaction abuse from me in front of our kids one time (I figured out what he did and didnt allow myself to do that again). The other time that sticks out was him telling me he wanted to separate while I was driving in construction while surrounded by semi-trucks. They'll use any chance they get, captive inside a vehicle will not go wasted by them to either show off or cause damage.
Yes! Either they rage at you or they deliver their monologue about how great they are. And you can't escape either of them.
I think a great topic for a new video would be rejection sensitive dysphoria. It seems to have very close ties with narcissism and people who are prone to being hurt by narcissistic people.
So true. In our home getting into the car with my wife has become a "not it" joke. Of course that's our way of coping with the enormous stress of driving with her. My daughter has so much anxiety about being locked in a fast moving car with mom that she saves every penny just to take an airplane back and fourth from college if I can't drive her. When the kids were young we all would sit absolutely silent on car ride just praying one of us or and outside person wouldn't set her off. The emotional pain of her going down the list of our flaws while being held captive by a 70mph speed limit became so hard to handle that as young adults my children will take their own vehicles to all events.
My Narc was raging as soon as we drove out of the driveway. I demanded, twice, that he take me back home and he refused. Then I demanded, twice, that I be let out, and he refused. He was raging harder and driving faster. I grabbed my phone and unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the door handle. I was well aware that I could be injured. He slowed and I jumped out. We were only 2/10ths a mile from the house. My neighbor saw the whole thing. He sped off, squealing the tires, and I walked home. Passing my neighbor, I said, “That’s what abuse looks like.” We were on our way to buy a replacement stove and had no disagreements that day prior to leaving. This was not the first time but it was the last, as I never got in a vehicle with him again. The neighbors around us knew he was abusive with me but thought it was my fault I didn’t leave. Welcome to Texas … if you leave your marital home, unless you are in imminent danger, you lose a significant portion of your equity due to abandonment as I was told by an attorney (not the one I hired).
I was driving and I had one rage at me in a very, very busy parking lot, she didn't care; it wasn't her car, license or insurance. As time passed and her mask continued to slip I told her to get out of my life.
My brother had a full blown rage whilst we were in the car. Pretended it was because a bee got in the car, but he had been steaming all day. He totally flipped out (he was well into his thirties at the time). I got really scared we were going to get an accident. My dad was driving and kept on going whilst my brother was screaming and thrashing around (my parents are enabling my brother, and consistently minimising his actions). My mum who is a vulnerable narcissist always take the opportunity of us being trapped in the car to complain, criticise, attack and control, knowing we cannot escape.
I had a day some time back where my now ex was silently, coldly raging at me and we were heading to a hardware store in the city. I wanted to throw myself out of the vehicle on the interstate at speed. He attempted to moderate his mood by trying to humiliate me at the store which didn’t work. So on the way home he was exponentially worse. It was all I could do to not open the truck door.
Yes! Definitely relate. The worst damage from his anger has happened, has happened in the car. I fear every time we go on a road trip even it is just an hour drive. I know it is coming, every single time. He says his trigger is anything that impedes him which included red lights and other drivers.
I have been in the past. Felt trapped and didn't know what to do.
I was in a car with one. My narc sibling was the driver, my parents were in the car as well and I was in the back seat. And he went off on how us being late was my fault and he kept going and going, and my parents never stepped in to make him stop. And of course, it was on Christmas too.
This is a good idea to do a video on this! They can be very dangerous behind the wheel and you’re at their mercy as a passenger.
I tried to get out and he persuaded me it wasn’t safe. I then tried to ignore him, which made the rage worse. We finally got home and I distanced myself…. Which was also wrong. I am so glad I have been permanently away for over three years now.
Sorry about that Teresa, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?
Back when I didn’t know my grandma’s difficult personality was narcissistic and I didn’t know my dad was a covert narcissist my dad would ask me and my family to drive grandma to his house for the holiday function. It was just over an hour drive. Some of these conversations were uncomfortable. My body would naturally get sleepy and I would take a nap. Or at least pretend I was taking a nap.
The one I’m divorcing, doesn’t rage he passive aggressives!
Just left my passive aggressive….soooo toxic. Glad you’re getting out!
I’ve had a narcissist grab the steering wheel multiple times on a busy road since this person “got scared of the crazy drivers”.
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God bless you, Dr. Ramani and I mean it. You have helped so many people! Your advice is life changing and gives so much hope!
Oh my goodness!! I get panic feelings when I even think about being stuck in a car ( or really any situation) with a narcissist. “ You want to get something to eat” is a simple question in most relationships but with a narcissist, it’s the optimal time to take advantage of you! This video couldn’t have come at at more perfect time for me as I’m struggling through trying to heal and understand how I’m supposed to react to these situations. To any other person, the conversation starts off innocent enough but I know what it means and where it’s going to go. My gut automatically gets into knots and my insides which were already churning, get downright acid feeling. My heart is racing and my chest feels like there’s a ten pound hot weight on it. Not healthy. The narcissist absolutely never sees, or admits to seeing, that they are in the wrong. So, essentially, you’re in a no win situation with no way to escape. And what has made this worse for me is that people lack the understanding of what this has done to me physically, emotionally and so on. So not only do we deal with the narcissist and having to work on getting through our day we also feel the need to defend our actions and emotions to those who don’t understand or think that they would react differently in this situation. It truly ignites a passion and rage in me when people around me seem to think that I’m the one overreacting to this. I feel helpless and misunderstood to the point of exasperation! “Well when I talk to him I can get through to him. You just have to do it this way.” Meanwhile, I’m over here dealing with being fully aware of him baiting me and using trigger words then feigning innocence like he’s the victim ( once again) to my “insanity”. Poor him! And BTW, I do tend to overreact to things because quite honestly I never know if today is a “ bad day” for him. So I’m on a hair trigger. And now I feel like I’m ready to pounce on a moments notice because I don’t want to be taken advantage of. Pair this with the “poor narcissist “ and a surrounding environment of misunderstanding and general haughtiness of people thinking that they know better, well, it’s almost a no win situation. It’s very lonely here….it’s faith, hope and love that gets me through!
I feel your pain. It's horrendous that simple comments like, "How's it going?", "Good morning.", "What are you watching?", "Did any packages come today?", etc., can often trigger their full-on rage. And it is always, always, your fault. Yes, it is completely physically and emotionally draining. You aren't alone. And, yes, most people don't have any clue what it's really like and they give really bad advice
@@froggacuda1605 Exactly! I, too, no longer open my mouth to say anything, nor to ask any neutral questions --- as the narcissist dodges any questions with defensiveness, vagueness, as if playing a game of whack-a-mole, & has even grumpily remarked "I feel like I'm being interrogated!" This, over: 'What's the weather forecast?' 'Did you like the movie?' 'How's the book? It's simply not worth it. Narcissists are NOT human, they are demonic sourpusses who deserve to be alone.
The last time my narcissistic mom raged at me, we were in the car. I recorded the whole thing and later posted it online. A "friend" I'd trusted betrayed me to my parents about it and they got so hostile that I finally moved out and went NC with help from my older siblings and their connections. Best recording I ever made.
This is making think of the time when I was in 3 different scenarios with 3 different narcissistic men. My children’s father raged out on me and told me to get out (mind you we are on a highway). My father slapped me soooo hard and then told me to get my things and drove off (while I was in a state I don’t live in) and the last one being a narc drove to a different city even though I gave him directions to my house. We had an argument and he clearly wasn’t paying attention that we ended up 15 minutes away from my home. I been through too much when it comes to narcissistic men 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
My mom's defining characteristic is narcissism. I moved out when I was 15 (she was a single mom). A couple years later, I was starting to see her again once a week or so. Her, her boyfriend, and I went down to the USA for the day (we're from Canada). We just went down to sight see, have lunch, etc. We all took my car, because I had recently got my own car and licence, so I was driving. When we were coming back at the end of the day and heading to the border crossing, we got in one of the fights I remember as a dawning point that there was something wrong with my mom. The reason? She wanted me to lie to the border guard about what we bought when we were in the USA and bringing over the border into Canada. _I know what you're thinking. Wait, isn't lying to a federal officer a federal crime? Yes, it is._ But here's the catch: we didn't even buy anything in the USA. She wanted me to lie to the border guard, to tell them that we did buy stuff, when in fact we didn't. _What? Why would anyone ever lie to a border guard to tell them they bought stuff and risk paying duty on goods that didn't actually buy? Or worse, risk getting charged with a federal offence?_ Well, she claimed that if we told them the truth, they wouldn't believe that we would actually spend the whole day in the USA and not buy things to bring back. So if we tell them we didn't buy anything, then they would pull us in to do a search of the car and waste a bunch of our evening just to find nothing. Her reasoning is that the border guard would find it more likely if we said we were bringing back like $50 in goods, and just let us get away with the $50 in goods without paying duty tax on it than they would be to believe that we *actually* didn't bring anything back. This fight got so out of control that she broke up with her boyfriend, who was in the back seat, because he didn't want to get involved. Sadly for him, 10 years later now, they're married. He's a good person and she doesn't deserve him. Oh, I didn't lie to the border guard. We didn't get pulled in. This fight, though notable for many reasons, doesn't even make the top 10 for worst fights with my mom. Now at 28, with zero contact with her, it's shocking to realize I don't have any memories of her that aren't traumatic, abusive (physically and mentally), or downright illegal.
Wow Dr Ramani, I had to watch this one as soon as I saw the title and how I wish I'd known your a - z game when I was in the relationship! That's brilliant! I remember being petrified by his aggressive driving and the way he would have to get other drivers back if they did something he considered wrong by driving very fast and getting right up their rear end. So many times I white knuckled it through the journey and I got to the point where I would demand he pull over and let me out if he couldn't drive safely. It scares me that my son is now in the vehicle with him and I'm not there to protect him from that craziness. Even during pregnancy he would rage at me on the way to the antinatal clinic and I'd arrive in tears. Thank you for speaking about this. The common humanity element really helps 🙏
Antinatal??? "Ante" natal/mostly referred as PRE-NATAL ... "Anti" natal does not sound too good AT ALL...😬
I shed many tears on car rides with narcissists because you're trapped and it's a horrifying experience.
@@cantstanditanymore 😅 you got me there. Freudian slip?
"One more word and I'll leave you here!" "Do you want to exit now, or later!?" "Shut up!" "It's my car so shut up, you have no say here." "Get your own car and then you can do what you want." and so on. All I wanted was to open the window because it was too hot. He said it on a German motorway/highway. We don't live in Germany. That apparently was a nice holiday that the whole 'family' should worship my stepfather for. Can't wait to move out, hopefully this year.
Refusing to drive together to the therapy appointments he demanded I make so he could try to point to the past and all my flaws while stonewalling all current issues.... Now I'm going to the therapy appointments alone because he walked out when the therapist told him it wouldn't work if he kept bringing up non-issues.
This was one of the main reasons my eyes opened to who my ex husband was. I have 5 young children and was often in silent tears because of his driving and fear for my children but unable to get out and walk with them or challenge him as my confidence driving was too low. To sit and cry silent tears because they refuse to acknowledge your anxiety and their driving was horrid.
I was driving when my narcissistic sister decided to rage at me. We were on a country road in the next state. I was very close to pulling over and telling her to take a bus back to our home state, about two hours away. Why I even agreed to take a day trip with her is beyond me. I was in my twenties and she was eight years my junior. I felt obligated to protect her from our parents. In reality, I needed protection from her. She grew up to be a violent, rageful narcissist, ,just like our father. She may drink, just as our mother did, but I'm not sure. I went no contact long ago. She's married now. I don't know what mettle he's made of, but it must be some strong stuff.
I found myself in a terrifying situation in a car with a narcissist. It was the beginning of the end for me. He had just spent time with a friend, and I with my family in the town we grew up in. Come to find out, he was attracted to the friend he was visiting. He was wildly manic on the drive home. It was dark outside and the roads were poorly lit. We were traveling through a residential area with lots of curves and hills. The speed limit was 35 and he was going 75. I was afraid. He sure seemed to be having fun. He sensed my fear as I sat silently, lost for words. I knew him enough to know I had to be careful about the way I said things. But I couldn’t hold back. I shouted that he needed to slow down. It was hard to see, I said, and his speed was insane for the area. He sped up. It was horrible. I was terrified. I became enraged. I told him he was putting lives in danger and that was a problem. He went faster. He really enjoyed himself. He got up to 110mph. I will never forget that. I got away from him as soon as I could. For good.
OMG, thank you for this video! I hated being stuck in a car with my ex… whether I was driving and he’d pull my hair while verbally abusing me or if he was driving he’d drive recklessly or he’d leave me I n the middle of nowhere 🤦🏻♀️ I’ve experienced it all… one of the last times I was in the car and it became too much, I literally jumped out of a moving car and walked to my sister’s house 🤯 I’m so glad he’s no longer in my life 🙏🥰
I'm so glad hes out!! What a POS he is!!! I hate that people like that exists and even worse how common they are.
Yes traumatic is the word to describe this. The solution sadly many times is too end the relationship so you don't subject yourself to such treatment ❤️. Keep the videos coming!
Have had many of these road trips ... horrific! And triggering too!
I have refused to ride in the car with my father for the past two years if he is driving. Unfortunately, I can’t refuse to ride with him completely and it proves difficult for me. I also use driving games to help me! It was nice to receive that validation. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Same here! He always wants to drive us somewhere so he can start a fight. I rather took the bus on Christmas day than getting into a car with him.
I have absolutely been in this situation. Stay as silent and still as you can.
OMG yes! I never knew this was a thing. My mother used to scare the crap out of us when we were kids in the car. Even before I went no contact, I avoided the captivity of being in a vehicle with my mother.
I keep a safe distance from the raging lot. My late mother was good enough & narcissism added together is even more volatile. 🤔💭 I am glad that my wife isn't a combination of both.
What do you mean by your late mother being "Good enough?"🤔
@@cantstanditanymore I meant that my late mother was strict disciplinary & very brutal.. She use to take her frustration out on me because I was a hyperactive child. Physical abuses in my childhood & also at the school that I've attended did affect my mental makeup while I was in my puberty till the early adulthood.
My dad is a raging narcissist and always has been. The slightest thing and it's an explosive hail of abuse and endless degrading insults to belittle you and make you feel worthless. Constantly walking on eggshells and the only way to deal with him is too stay silent or have 0 contact. You say something and he plays the victom and makes it like he's the one afraid to speak up.
sounds like D A R V O deny, attack, reverse victim offender. This pattern of behavior used all the time.
The car is a prison with my husband. I’ve been in this situation sooooo many times. My answer is that for the most part, I don’t go anywhere with him and I mean anywhere. It’s really sad that a grown man will act out with tantrums and behave so irrational and juvenile. I’ve been married to my narcissist for 37 years and he has taught me a lot about myself. There have been some really painful times but, for the most part I believe I have actually become a better and wiser person in the long run. I’ve been in therapy for years and because of persons such as yourself, I don’t feel fractured all the time . I actually feel of sound mind. It’s been a long journey to get to this place. I still have times where I struggle but I can right myself back up pretty quickly these day. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all your help.
It happened so many times was so scary
The car ride I remember the most with my ex was going home from the hospital after our daughter was born. I had just had a c section and asked him to please take it easy on the bumps in the road. That started a rage that went long into the night! Great first night home with a new baby!
Showing NO regard for your physical condition. Even after surgery and childbirth, it was still “all about him.” 😣
Been there, done that, and glad to have survived! Worried I was going to be kicked out onto the highway at least 45 minutes from home. The narc didn't believe me when I cautioned them about using their cell phone + new distracted driving laws. I was sooo wishing that the car would be pulled over by the police + ticketed.
🙄🙄🙄
🌺 ‘Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you-to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.’
Have you been in a narcisstic relationship? You can choose acceptance, compassion, the person that you needed things from, and not being bitter, but from 335 years of marriage to such a person, they do not take NO for an answer, and these things have to be done from a distance..........physical or very gray-rocked. Cycles CAN be broken, I agree, but it takes a lot of work and healing, because it is impossible to be this close to the flames without getting burned. These people do not play by the rules and conventional counseling is worthless . However, one CAN survive and thrive but not without awareness of the narcissit's path that is unbending .
@@MaryEavey-dc3sk 34 years & counting. Could not agree more with what you said!
@@MaryEavey-dc3sk yes 😊
Stopped riding with one family member who "was such a good drive"r that he watched movie on his phone while driving. Also, didn't let one family member drive my daughter after he berated her for her (assumed) political views while giving her a ride. Thankfully have not been stuck in a car with a narcissist in a rage, just had them drive dangerously with me in the car. Another narcissist favorite is taking someone somewhere and then leaving without them if they get angry during the event - and then denying later that they left the person.
Sorry about that Kathie, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?
Ugh. This brings back memories of being stuck in the car with my dad as he raged at me.
The very last time I went out with Ex Narc BF, he threatened a car on the freeway and was flipping everyone off. I ducked down below the window because of the prevalence of road rage gun violence here. He is a professional truck driver for a global company, and I hate to think what he does in a semi with 2 trailers. 😮
Daughter of a raging narcissist father AND mother. Niece of raging narcissists uncles. And we did a lot of road trips when I was growing up. Awful behavior shouting out the window profanities and belittling comments. When I started to show similar behavior (few years ago), I started using public transportation. I don't want to behave that way myself. Now I use my car only if I'm in a good mood. If not, there's Uber, metro, taxi or walking. Normalizing this better behavior in me has been a very good decision 😊
OMG does this one ring all the bells. My narc mother made a habit of having tantrums in the car. After years of her endangering us both (I was driving while she was hitting me!) I finally refused to get into a car with her. This meant my flying monkey sister had to drive 40 minutes to pick her up for any occasion, & 40 minutes to drop her back home, only 2 minutes from where I live. It meant I could no longer attend family gatherings at my sisters, where they usually were held. No more holidays with family. I lost time with my niece & nephews, which was really the only painful part of finally setting that boundary. I try to stay in contact with them through the phone now.
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