Avoiding Toxic Productivity Advice for ADHD
There's a problem with personal productivity. Too many systems are designed to make you look busy rather than actually get work done. And it's even worse for people with ADHD. These systems were designed for neurotypical brains. They simply don't work. Learn strategies designed with the ADHD brain in mind and learn how to motivate your interest-based mind, rather than simply "trying harder" at strategies not designed with you in mind.
00:00 Intro
04:37 3 Major Flaws in Neurotypical Productivity
10:50 The Issues the Flaws Cause
12:38 The 4 Cs of Motivation
15:20 Embrace the Pivot
16:13 Pomodoro Timers
16:44 Look for Sidequests
17:19 Micro commitments
17:52 Change your environment
18:26 Make Tests & Paperwork into a Game
19:01 Make Time-based Goals
(Thanks @ryuuko for creating these timestamps!)
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Timestamps: 4:37 3 Major Flaws in Neurotypical Productivity 10:50 The Issues the Flaws Cause 12:38 The 4 Cs of Motivation 15:20 Embrace the Pivot 16:13 Pomodoro Timers 16:44 Look for Sidequests 17:19 Micro commitments 17:52 Change your environment 18:26 Make Tests & Paperwork into a Game 19:01 Make Time-based Goals
Super helpful💟
Thanks
Time stamps should be in every description. You deserve a digital thumbs up and an imaginary pat on the back Ryuuko 😊
Good job
Thank you!
This is the first time I've seen someone recognise that breaking a task into sections can make it more overwhelming and harder to start on. I've always felt like that.
Agreed! Will try breaking it into first steps rather than all the steps 🙌
Yeah you definitely have to make another system just to stop yourself from hyper focusing on planning and just do the first small task.
Rather than planing and breaking into sections do one thing at a time, it helps a lot
This made me realize why doing that exact method of breaking things down is so hard. I like the feeling of completing the task but breaking it down feels like so much😵💫
@@jclyntoledo "having put eight hours into this to-do list I am gonna call it a day. I will get to the list.... eventually."
the absolute worst part of breaking a project down into steps (for me) is that it’s an infinitely recursive task. i LOVE making lists, i could spend the hours i could be working just making lists of all the things i have to do and the things i need. it’s like breaking down a mountain by sorting and categorizing every stone, the hyperfocus kicks in on the wrong thing and you’ve wasted a whole day and STILL have no idea how to get started (but you were technically “doing work” so you’ve now duped yourself into thinking you were doing productivity)
This is exactly, exactly how I feel. Lists, upon lists and then I look up and 3 hours have gone by. I do the same thing with organisation, my workspace is messy so I organise it and 4 hours have gone by and I've lost the will to complete the original task that needed a clear workspace.
Omg ME
You use excel? My lists go in excel🤣
exactly how i feel
Ong yes exactly, I va love making list too exept I actually realized this method would never work for me (cuz I realized that just like writing an essay( which I’ve always hated)it’s actually a lot of extra work having to think and break down everything, and honestly I know myself and my adhd to a certain level that I could foresee my self hyper focusing on the details and eventually trailing of and and putting my focus into something else ( like another list or lists)and losing my stamina and motivation to do it..not only that I would probably leave a lot of started list or projects, seem to loose my stamina and motivation a lot
Ohhhh the irony of not only watching an adhd productivity video as a distraction from my current task, but also getting distracted while watching the video and forgetting where I stopped paying attention.
Yup. I had to rewind a few times because I kept getting distracted and walking away, forgetting to pause the video lol.
😭😭😭
Listening to this at work😅😅
I've also been trapped in this world since always. Glad to see you decribe exactely what I've always gone through. If there weren't socials, I would still think I was the only one like this in the world, and any possible justification I could give was an excuse, because and I'm just lazy, like people aggressively ALWAYS made me believe.
THIS🤣 *Because I didn't even realize it until I*
my mom once said to me (which has solved like so many of my problems in school): "you can't reach your potential in a system that is not build for you" and it hit me like a tricking train seriously
Absolutely incredible to have a parent who recognizes that. I was not so fortunate
I'm a late diagnosed AuDHD. I wish I was told that as a kid. Now I can use it for my ADHD, possibly Autistic, toddler. Thank you.
@@rubentormozov9734 Me too. It went like "you little imbecile. You're too distracted"
Great mom❤
okay yeah so let’s just blame all of our shortcomings on a disorder, and anytime something bad happens we don’t have to take any accountability 👏👏
“Trying harder isn’t a solution when you have ADHD.” I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. Thank you.
Same. I have such a hard time blaming myself for "not working harder" and I realize I need to understand my brain is working its hardest.
Trying harder hust messes me up
The harder you try, the worse you do. Hence, medication. It allows you to try harder.
Ty will try . What medication do u use
"Do, or do not. There is no try."
I once went to a work productivity/resilience seminar thing, before I even knew I had ADHD. The facilitator was doing this exercise about setting effective goals. I asked a question about how to make progress and achieve goals because I always seem to get sidetracked or struggle to actually follow through. His reply was "Well I guess you just don't want it bad enough". It was so dismissive and so demoralizing when I was actually looking for constructive tips. I don't listen to that bad advice anymore! I am glad there are people that do understand.
Omg….I didn’t realise how much I’ve accepted and internalised that idea of ‘me not wanting something bad enough if I don’t follow through’. Damn.. thank you for sharing this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@00samira00 It hurts! Gets me thinking I guess if I don't want this then I don't want anything, so what's the point of life?
I've identified a ton of why's and I still can't get up that hill.
Reading what Mr. Seminar said to you made my eyes go wide and I’m pretty sure steam came out of my nostrils. (😅)
My dad said to me, well if you fail it's Your fault. (In response to me having a winge about studying for high school exam) that was a long time ago but still sticks in my mind
This is so true. As someone with ADHD, I am HEAVILY motivated by attempting to prove other people wrong. That has been my main source of motivation throughout a lot of my life. If someone tells me I can't do something, I gain a ton of motivation, at least for a short while just to prove the haters wrong. I wish this kind of motivation was sustainable, and the problem with this is its motivation motivated by something negative, but boy does it feel good.
Exactly people always tell me that shouldnt be what motivates me but wth if it works why not ?
I'm currently in this mode due to the genocide in Palestine. Sadly this endeavour is not paid so need to channel this drive towards an actual income source.
This is why I find it easier to make an amazing meal when there's nothing in the cupboard but flour and some old beans but when the shopping is just in I cant do anything amaxing@
@@BoldheadproductionsI always say " spite. The great motivator!" Lol😂
this i did ths accidently on my history exam and i aced the whole class
My entire life has and will always be like this. - If it interests me I excel, ace, and thrive at whatever it is. Better than most of my peers. That got me through school since I have wide interests, but barely because those courses I hated always offset the A's I would get. - If it doesn't interest me I just WON'T do it, period. If I am able to do it by forcing myself it comes at great cost to me. Fatigue, migraines, anxiety, mood swings, depression. It's not that I "just can't get it" (the concept, work, task etc...). It's that my mind just doesn't give a sh*t. - If I "am" interested, but someone tells me I *HAVE* to do it, especially with a deadline, it immediately gets put into I don't give a sh*t pile until the pile is on fire. Even before I was diagnosed, I saw the movie "Office Space" and said "THAT'S ME! I'M PETER FROM OFFICE SPACE". Been living my life like Peter ever since. 🤷🏻♂️ Awesome video. I'll finish the end of it later. ✌️😁
As far as I know I don't have ADHD but this describes me pretty well too..
@@anima94the first time I saw this comment & video I felt the same, 2 years later I’m rewatching officially diagnosed 😂 always worth checking just in case
Like I’m not even sure I can stick to the end of the video
Yep that’s me too
Today I tried to follow the “eat the frog first” advice and I literally accomplished nothing the whole day. With ADHD it feels like my brain has no arms or feet. You’re the first person I’ve found who seems to actually understand what this is like. I’m only halfway through but I have a lot of optimism right now. Thank you
I flip it on its head and do something really easy first, then I get the dopamine hit from completing the easy task, which motivates me to do more. So my current project is decluttering my house, I start my day by putting on a load of laundry (really easy), then I load the dishwasher (a little harder), then I declutter the area I've set for that day. And by doing it that way I can be finished by lunchtime!
Exactly
@@debbiejones7269 Only ADHD people understand how truly difficult doing dishes is!!
@@JRoseBooks yep, that's why I insist on always having a dishwasher. It still might not get done every day, but it makes it a lot easier!
Thank you yes exactly! I've told my husband it feels like I have a fully healthy functional brain in a body that can't activate my arms or legs. Ugh
I remember a therapist once telling me that I could get things done if I rewarded myself with a cup of tea after. I laughed so hard, because all I thought was, "Great, now I have to make tea too." I experience very little intrinsic reward for accomplishments, and a cup of tea isn't going to cut it.
well i don't think the cup of tea is supposed to feel like an accomplishment, I think its supposed to feel like food+drugs stimulating reward circuitry in your brain. Of course, this will not work if you otherwise have bottomless access to stimulus via video games or some thing else that is not tied to accomplishment
I fucking hate tea.
Not to mention having to wash the cup afterward.
Lol the therapist finally cracked open how to be productive with ADHD! Who knew all you needed was a cuppa tea???
@@homelessrobotyou know nothing and understood nothing about this did you? My own thought can give me more stimulus than a “reward”, after a task completed. I can distract my self with nothing, just my own thoughts, so my brain gives 0 motivation to seek satisfaction from completing a task.
At 72yr old, Ive finally come to terms with the fact that I have undiagnosed ADHD. My school years were hell. ADHD was not even on the horizon of medical acknowledgement. Not living up to my potential, lazy, & self absorbed were constantly thrown in my face, damaging any sense of self-worth I'd had as preschooler. I'm so glad that my grandkids, who have all demonstrated the identical traits to varying degrees, will have the necessary help to deal with their lives in a constructive rather than destructive manner!
It's crazy how fast times change. I'm sorry you had a bad time in school, but I hope this knowledge is giving you some grace for your struggles
Yeah me too, instead of calling it ADHD, they called it a "learning disability". I can't function in a crowded, noisy environment. That's what the classrooms were like when I was a kid. LOTS of distractions. I was set up to fail. My teachers would say "You don't put in your best effort". By 7th grade, I gave up. It didn't do any good to try so why bother, I shut down and did nothing.
I feel like this dude just cut open my brain and turned it into a 20 minute slideshow presentation.
Same
hahahahahahahahha same!!
This is a fantastic video. For "don't eat the frog first", I was like "true, I used to stare at my homework for hours until I cried" but when you said "break it down into smaller pieces doesn't work" I'm like "bullshit, smaller tasks are less intimidating, in fact I'm using that for my game. I wrote a simple list of core functionality requirements, like how I need to add workstations the player uses to spin wool into yarn, and item names to label the tools and materials, and THAT'S why I've been on KZhead for TWO DAYS looking up the difference between BATTING and ROVING, watching DOZENS of drum carding videos, and eventually just clicking on every recommended video UNTIL I GOT TO THIS EXACT VIDEO and --- oh. You're right."
i do think that this is why, instead of steps, i tend to craft a vague timetable? if im doing an essay, for example, ill write out what time ill start and stop working on the essay plan, the intro, paragraph 1, 2, etc. and then, if i find that the time is up and im still on the same step, i check in: am i working hard at it and just need more time? if so, i just continue and push back everything else. if not, am i currently Lost In The Sauce of another wiki rabbit hole that ive dug myself, or distracted by texts, or whatever else? then it's time to stop, get up and take a break, or just move onto the next thing if thats possible (like if i know what the intro will be about, i'll write it first since it's already been planned, and i'll return to essay planning later, since it's obviously distracting now).
i was on a yputube train learning about scramjet and ramjet engins when i should be finishing my physics homework due in an hour and a half
My trick is to do the oposite, instead of triying to visualize a task in its entirety i preffer to imagine it as an adventure in to the unknowns, full of exiting mysteries, and then i make my damm hardest work to just focus on what is ahead without thinking about the next steps, this makes my curiosity kick in and wanting to finish what i am doing faster to get to know the next steps.
Fuuuuuuuck solo game dev is hard when your brain only has enough dopamine to turn over in bed once an hour.
@@Skywalker8510Too hope you got your homework done vro
“It didn’t fail.. it just worked for that amount of time” 🤯🤯 love this. I love all the tips at the end.. not diagnosed with anything but I relate to this so much
ikr!!
If you're relating to even 25% of the adhd/autism content you see It's generally a good idea to take a few online questionnaires, quizzes, and tests (preferably more "official" ones/ones that have been created by organizations that actively assist the people living with the conditions [if the focus is on the people who "have to deal with" the people living with the conditions then probably not a good source] whether that be through education, service, finance, etc.) There is NO cure for either js
even if you're not diagnosed, you can take whatever advice works for you. I always say to people that it doesn't matter what you're diagnosed with, you can take care of yourself and do what works for you as long as you're not self-medicating.
This may be the most powerful reframe ♻I've encountered in over a decade... 🤯🤯🤯 indeed ‼
I've also very much resonated with the vidoe. As of seeing @nicholas landry comment, I made a few online tests, and they all suggest a medium or high level of chance, that I have ADHD. I always new about ADHD, but I never considered myself because I generally manage quite well. I'm good at school and uni etc. Nevertheless I sometimes have the feeling, that I work differently.
That tip about the microcommitments totally feels like home. This is how I’ve motivated myself to go out on runs as well. Instead of having to push myself to start this whole process which just feels overwhelming, I tell myself to just put on a pair of shoes, while I have the shoes on I might as well leave the house and at that point I am basically already on my way to do my daily exercise
Yes! This!!!
I’m a 49yo electrician, a med, biochem, and industrial engineering schools drop-out… a self- diagnosed adult adhd of the attention type up until I was 45. I’ve been bullied, laughed at, looked down at, mocked and ridiculed for most of my life. I am surprised I am not a drug addict alcoholic or a complete mess. I heard all of these “advice” throughout my life. Thank God for your video man keep them coming.
Sounds like you're still sorely in need of actual solutions, no? "Self-diagnosed" anything means less than shit. Talk to your doc, get a psych, and start figuring shit out. You can't find solutions if you don't even actually know the problem, and you sure as hell aren't going to find or execute those solutions without help. I'm glad you're finally getting some form of indirect akcnowledgement that the advice everyone has heard is not for people with specific neural disorders, but if you're already "self-diagnosed", didn't you already know that? What's stopping you from doing something about it? Repeatedly being validated on the internet is going to do nothing for you, and it sounds like you don't have much of your life span left to waste here.
Somany people don't understand and are afraid of electricity plus no one really knows what it is understood. So in my mind and I'm very intelligent if you're an electrician you ain't no idiot. Not everyone can learn it and even more not everyone can do it
I'm so so so sorry all of that happened to you ❤ you're an incredible person! And don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I’m also an electrician. I want to make sure I do have ADHD. What you stated is my life. I can say I felt something wrong even as a little boy.
The Brain shutdown at overwhelm is exactly what I feel so so so often! It’s so hard to explain. Unless I have a life or death pressure for work I just can’t ! 😭
This is why I have to have a chaotic job! It keeps me from the brain shutdown during work.
Same here. Really struggling at the moment.
The life or death thing hit so close to home. Once I fell sick but it was only when I thought I might die that I went to the doctor. Applies to most aspects of my life except hobbies😭
@@julesa1754 We have a three-day rule. If I feel ill it happens but on day three if I feel ill I go to the doctor.
@@TH-eb5ro fair enough. Especially if you're from the states, you wouldn't wanna be rushing into the hospital over something that could be minor☠
Regarding "The Four C's": my own "5th C" is CONTRIBUTE. When I'm trying my hardest to be productive for my own sake, I fall into all the classic ADHD pitfalls. Yet when my efforts are to the benefit of someone I care about, or a project that's meaningful to a community I'm part of, I'm far more able to overcome those pitfalls. Even before my (relatively recent) ADHD diagnosis, this has been an unflinchingly reliable and potent source of personal motivation. I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve. Whether that's a behavior to embrace as healthy, I'm not sure, but it's my reality. So if you're out there reading this and have had a similar experience, know that there's at least one other person out there like you :)
That's fantastic! Thank you for that. It's a great addition!
Beautiful suggestion. I will definitely be adding this to my list!
Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one… Reasons for personal gain just always seem so meaningless and not worth my effort.. couldn’t really seem to figure out why my personal goals never really gave me the spark of motivation. But watching this video and reading Your comment just let the peaces fall intro place.
I almost read an entire statistics textbook to help my boyfriend study, and I managed to make a sort of boring topic fascinating to myself so that I could help him understand it. But I also couldn't pass algebra 2. And I'm pretty sure I took it 3 times. Forgot literally everything about it everytime. It becomes a whole different ballgame when I'm allowed to share what I know with someone else. But for myself? No shot.
Yeah, I DEFINITELY resonate with “I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve”, and I think my dad probably does too.
"We try to eat the frog first but we just stare at the frog for hours..." This sort of thing is precisely what pushed me to get diagnosed. I kept hitting this throughout my life, and ultimately hit it in a point where I had no other distractions during the pandemic. I had a paper I needed to get done, and I refused to allow myself to do anything until I got the paper done. No games, no shows, nothing. And I.... sat and literally stared at the wall for FIVE HOURS until I finally relinquished and found a way to give myself little rewards along the way to do it. If I even noticed I was daydreaming (inattentive ADHD) I tried to stop that to "eat the frog first" and it just doesn't work for me. My grandmother still tries to give that advice to me, not understanding how much it DOESN'T work no matter how many times I try to tell her. I couldn't really put it into words properly the same way it is here in this video... I may try to send this to her & see if it helps her understand why that doesn't work for my brain.
Are you officially diagnosed with ADHD? Because I daydream a lot while I study (could be for hrs if it's a long session) even in the middle of a conversation with someone and it's really awkard. Besides all the symptoms mentioned in the video.
@@Ibrahim-me8kz Yes, I did eventually get diagnosed with ADHD. When I was filling out the questionnaire, I hit so many points on it that it wasn't even a question lol. My psychiatrist looked at that and went "yup, you definitely have ADHD"
@Widdershyn so your psychiatrist only asked questions and gave you a questionnaire, and based on your answers you get diagnosed? And if you take medication do you think it helped? I wish you all the best
Making dull tasks into a game is totally something I’ve done since long before I actually knew i had adhd but did know i couldn’t do that crap. It works. That’s not silly!
I did this for years just because it made me dread things less, never realized it was an actual adhd tactic.
This is so validating. Thank you.. especially the part about, "We're not just choosing to sit on the couch and do nothing, our brain is shutting down and desperate for dopamine." In regards to the overwhelm. Most people do not understand, and the constant pressure from others to just "get over it and get it done" is hurtful and worsens my symptoms.
For me, too. The constant put-downs or referencing of successful people in the Real world from my goal-oriented spouse, along with my own inner barrage of self-deprecating thoughts leads to daily OVERWHELM, then I shut down, paralyzed with anxiety ( also history of depression and anxiety/panic disorder) . Some days, we’ll a Lot of days it’s SO HARD, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to Just get over it! , and I’m constantly at a loss to explain what’s going on in my head , and then others ( mainly spouse) just thinks I’m making shit up, or, “it’s just another excuse!” Anyway, listening to Jesse’s video and reading all of the comments last night literally pulled me out of a very dark and scary undertow. So thank you all for that.
@@GDCheetahmotherFker I understand, it's hard. I have issues with my spouse because of it too sometimes.. I'm glad we have places like this where we can see that we're not alone in our struggles. It's gonna be ok!🤗
The degree to which it is societally normal to invalidate somebody's experiences is stunning. Like, how how a pretty girl may crave a connection, deep relationship, but everybody tells her that, she's pretty, she can have sex any time she wants, so her being lonely somehow becomes a lie. It's really horrible.
This video hit really hard for me, especially when it comes to the shame associated with good intentions followed by lack of completion. I have always been labeled "lazy" by my family, and have internalized that label to the point where I just shut down. Thank you for letting us know that we're not alone.
Thanks for sharing
Same ❤
Thanks to both of you for the kind words!
feel that, with my old man it was never what you did do, its what you didn't do. i could complete a list of tasks and all he would notice is the ones i didn't do after the burnout set in. gets to a point where i just dont want to do anything cause it just breeds more tasks with zero appreciation for the things i did. most debilitating shit ever with add/adhd
I would just lie to others about the work I put in, the only one who called me lazy was me ( and very few close friends )
I was diagnosed with ADHD since my teenage, spent my whole life fighting ADHD. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Greece. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
YES very sure of Dr.medshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Yes very sure of Dr.medshrooms. Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the morning after. So no hangovers. No depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now have a more calm mind
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Misleading title, because "toxic" advice is not the issue... the problem is when the advice is developed for neurotypicals but then catered to ADHD audiences (which doesn't make the "productivity advice" inherently "toxic", at all). Other than that, *GREAT content* , thanks so much for posting!
Before I was diagnosed with adhd (just depression and anxiety) I was seeing a therapist and talking about how I was getting in trouble for being late to work. He was surprised when I told him I really liked the job. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I didn’t just leave 10 minutes earlier. He was literally baffled by what he saw as self sabotage. Is that what it’s like for normal people? Do they just instinctually understand how much time basic life tasks will take? Does their brain never say “oh, you have 10 minutes before you have to leave, that’s plenty of time to get dressed and brush your teeth. Stay in bed for 2 more minutes.” Or do they never lay in bed looking at the ceiling berating themselves for not getting up even though it’s getting later and later and they know they’re going to be late but getting ready for work just seems like an insurmountable task. Edit: I do want to let everyone know that it’s been a few years since this happened. I did get in trouble at work, I didn’t get fired but I got moved to a different department. I think my boss at the time saw my tardiness as some sort of challenge to her authority. The new position didn’t give me nearly as much joy, but it did have a much better boss. I’m at a different job now and I haven’t fallen into quite as dark a place since. The adhd diagnosis and treatment that I got a couple years ago helped quite a bit. It turns out that when you are able to focus and get more done at work, when you feel more competent, it can really help with that anxiety and depression.
Honestly, same. I'm struggling with depression & have been trying very hard to get to work on time after my boss got very upset with my consistent lateness. We ended up having a serious talk about it wherein I basically stated that I couldn't guarantee that I'd be on time every day, because I don't know where my mental state will be at. She didn't seem to understand what that meant & even almost asked me what that had to do with coming in on time (she did already know about my depression). It's kind of hard to explain that sometimes I don't want to be alive & am overwhelmed by the fact I am alive, I have to continue to be alive, & need to get ready for work in 5 minutes or I'll be late. I don't worry as much now about the whole laying in bed, trying to force myself to get up when my body feels like a useless sack of flour that is refusing to respond, but it happened a lot when I was in school. Those were rough mornings, with a lot of running to catch the bus 😑
Sounds like that therapist didn't pay attention when they learned about ADHD in class
@@e_viola I didn’t have an ADHD diagnosis yet. I’ve had a few therapists and they would never suggest ADHD as a diagnosis unless I brought it up. Probably has something to do with being an adult woman. Two groups that tend to have adhd misdiagnosed as anxiety and/or depression.
Shannon, I think this happens to me every time I have a plan to wake up or schedule I don't want to adhere to and I think it's just because I have to or because I've committed to it. I don't understand why but anxiety and depression is not the cause I think. It is the ADHD and my super-overeaction to being on a schedule and that I'm not going to do it, it's not going to work, I've tried so hard and struggled so much that I'm just tired. Overwhelmed. Shut down. I'm sick of shutting down I'm sick of no dopamine rush. My brain has gotten so used to those pathways that the depression and the anxiety kick in. I need someone to help with the motivation part. It's like I hate doing dishes. So a person, my soon-to-be-ex-therapist says so use paper plates. No. I don't want to use paper plates and be wasteful, add to the overproduction of disposable non-sustainable products, and how does that help when I need to cook? I still have the hard things to clean. She says that she can't help me if I don't want to change. What's up with that? She's supposed to have experience with helping ADHD...yeah, a BAD experience! Anyway, I wish we could find people who are neurodiverse to help instead of neurotypical people with good intentions who are ineffective and truthfully hurtful.
lol i first got diagnosed with anxiety/depression then bipolar and now it’s seeming more in line with adhd? edit: i haven’t seen a therapist since the bipolar diagnosis so the adhd is pure speculation it’s just getting eerily familiar with all i’ve heard and my experiences
I hadn't yet figured out why breaking a daunting project down into smaller steps has never worked for me. Now I see it's really breaking Overwhelm down into a whole bunch of Overwhelms that, sure, are smaller, but immediately proceed to fight for attention. Or it's dissecting the damn frog into a mess of icky inside-frog bits which is worse than the whole frog ever was. 😂
OMG, I love this comment. It’s so true, I’ve managed to surround myself with chopped up icky frog bits!!!
For me it's like breaking down one thing that I already feel is difficult into a bunch of little things and now I feel overwhelmed because one thing has turned into many things but my brain can't see how that bunch of little things equals one big thing and I feel behind behind the big thing looks unattainable.
agreed
@@jessicasblack Same. I much rather bumble through the big thing than see all the smaller ones that my brain has to keep track of, figure out how to do it "perfectly", when to do it, etc etc. Too much, I'm overwhelmed, I'm gonna go take a nap.
Yes! Well said!
Damn man, exact same story with school for me... I had my IQ tested when I was really little, like 6-7, because my teachers thought I was stupid. So I was sent to a nearby college to have a professor do the test, dude came back in after scoring it freaking out over the 148 he just got out of a little kid..After that, school was worse. I was told all the time how super smart I was and how much potential I have, because every teacher in this small school seemingly knew about this test and as I would progress in grades, it just followed me, every teacher thinking the same thing "Lazy asshole.." One was particular aggressive about it.. It just put this seemingly unachievable task in front of me, making me feel even more pressure and beating myself up for not living up to this standard they all wanted.. What's truly unfortunate is that I was diagnosed with ADHD around the same time, but it was written off like it was nothing. Dad thought he could beat and discipline it out of me, teachers knew about it but still the same attitude "he's just lazy and squandering his gift." By the time I was done with school I had become what they all had decided I was and I've pretty well stayed that way until recently. I've spent my entire life looking at it the same way as everyone else did when I was growing up, "everyone has these problems and they can do it, you're just a loser." It's no wonder the slew of different anti depressants I've been on throughout life haven't helped at all "depressed again, increase the dosage" Highest dosage, we'll try this one" "oh you've been on that one before, then this one." Right now I'm being treated for "bi polar depression" Still depressed 90% of the time (on the highest dose of lamotrigine they can give) with no energy, wanting to do everything, can't do anything, overwhelmed with life, day dreaming, time blindness, etc. I've been trying to learn another language for nearly 5 years, I'm at best, still a beginner.. After years in therapy, jumping from doctor to doctor looking for help, all of them knowing about the damn ADHD diagnoses and none of them ever treating it, I'm quite pissed. I mean everything that's wrong fits perfectly with all the research I've done on ADHD.. It's disturbing how obvious it is.. Doctors appointment in 2 weeks, another new doc, I'm going to insist we focus on this and hopefully do something about it... Can't live like this anymore.
Hope you're doing a bit better friend
Several parts of this brought tears to my eyes. This helps me deal with myself with more kindness and more importantly, roll that kindness forward to my kids who also have adhd. Safe to say you’re making that difference in the world.
My kids have also add/ adhd. I have also.. its very important that you and we are also precious members of the society and we are not less.. different but not less.❤
I find deadlines and ‘creating urgency’ is a tricky strategy for me. The situation always seems to go one of two ways: A. Deadline generates the spark of focus and motivation needed to get the thing done. B. Deadline generates anxiety and fear of failing which spirals into overwhelm and the thing doesn’t get done. The fun part is never knowing which outcome you’re going to get 😬
For me its also that deadlines only work if they're set outside. Like i dont even know how people can commit to deadlines they set themselves, cause theres always something you need to do better, go deeper, etc
Oh god, I feel that exact same way, SO OFTEN.
Exactly
For me it depends on whether or not i think i can do the task in 8 hours. If i can then A if i can't then B. Which is why i started dedicating a whole day week or two before the deadline (or possibly longer and more then one day if i think the task will take really long), for when i ask someone to body duble for me at a public space. For example I make a deal with my friend that on the specific day of the month she will go with me to a library to stare at me while at do the task. And my friend is awesome and will not go easy on me if i try to get out of it after that. This creates what feels kind of like a second deadline for me, but this time a deadline to start the project instead of to finish it. (which is a lot less likely to cause that kind of anxiety)
It's B. It's always B.
Oh man, I broke when I heard "I cannot trust my brain." I have ADHD inattentive and I would get so frustrated with myself and cry out to God with the same statement. Thank you for the strategies and I plan to put them to good use
Frankly, most of humanity can't trust their brains except it's usually in terms of fallacies and such. No matter who you are, your brain is pretty much your worst enemy.
I frequently berate "God" for making me "stupid." Not sure I can forgive "him" for that. My life doesn't show any sign of purpose or direction.
@@anthonymorris615 It’s not God that makes you stupid. It’s Satan that’s making SURE you FEEL stupid. I have severe inattentive ADHD and I get it, but please just keep that in mind. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
@@anthonymorris615 I think you have to *give* yourself a purpose and a direction. Choose a direction. You decide what you want to accomplish or be, because God gave you a free will and a life. You are not stupid, obviously, but I feel your frustration. I feel like that a lot, simply because people don't see what I see or think the way I do, and I don't function like everyone else, and no one understands me. And then I get mad at myself. I need a lot of alone time to feel normal, because other people don't get me. When you choose a path and a purpose, focus on that point in the distance, and always visualize yourself walking straight towards it to achieve it. And make sure it is a purpose you are passionate about.
@@onadism_ Dude, he clearly put it in quotes for a reason. I get you're trying to be helpful, but pushing your religious beliefs on someone is not the way to do it. You can easily get the point across that he's not stupid, but mistakenly feels that way because of his ADHD without pushing your beliefs on him. Most people aren't going to be open to the genuinely good message you're trying to send if you start by telling them why they're wrong.
Hey! I'm 17, and currently hate myself because I constantly miss deadlines for important activities. I got a random surge of motivation, and am now trying to do all the tasks I failed to do this week. The part about eating the frog is how I exactly felt this whole week, staring at my work, and hating myself because everyone is doing so much more than me (working students, other hobbies, etc.). I have never felt more understood in my life until I encountered this video. I hope that one day I can ask a qualified professional to further understand myself, but until then, I'm going to try these strategies out and see how I do. Thank you so much for this :) 9:10
@yogurg4517 Why do you have to compare yourself to others? -Perhaps try some journaling to move those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. The one should really compare yourself to is yourself, the one who really matters to you. For how good you have to be, just being good enough goes a very long way in most cases, especially if you have a high attendence. How fast do you have to run to out-run a bear? -You just have to run faster than the slowest person!
Mfs without any discipline be like
Deadlines are a bitch. They also tell you these deadlines at the start of school and then expect you to remmeber this overall thing while they're giving you smaller deadlines and then the big deadline hits and you've forgotten it existed. Let me tell you something which I didn't not know because at school they tell you to manage your own study etc. But those kids who are getting to practice hockey on time and know about the email for the try outs for the team on Saturday and know about the special credits ypu can get for doing helping an old lady across the road or know there's a meeting on Tuesday study club after school about the test coming up...all that stuff that you missed and wondered why you didn't remmeber or didn't keep up with it all... a huge amount of id say most if not all...those kids have parents who take all kinds of notes and push their kids...they wake their kids up for Saturday hockey club they drive them there they pick them up they remind them to practice violin they remind then it's maths tests on Tuesday. I'm not kidding. My mom never took any interest in my school work my homework my parent teacher meetings she also probably has adhd and feels bad and excluded and not in the game or even understanding the game... but I went to a really good school for a year one time and I found put that these kids parents all knew what subjects got the best marks what extra credits you could get they all got tutors their parents were 200 percent managing them like if they were little kids on that dancing show. But academic. They also weren't always the brightest kids but if they were dtruggling with something their parents and even they would always talk to teachers about it and that engagement meant that teachers thoight they were trying hard.
I dunno if you're like me but I tried very hard but I never really talked to teachers if I was struggling. Sometimes I would leave a class not knowing what was going on. I found even navigating to my next class hard. I always felt lost. My advice to you is to talk to your teachers about your struggles because they hugely respect that. When you hide that they think you are arrogant and aloof and don't care even though inside you're just trying so hard to keep up. Some teachers will be mean though. I remember I used to ask for help but the teacher made me feel like crap every time so I stopped. It affected a lot because I was smart but I did badly in exams because I didn't understand them. They're not multiple choice here you have to write. And I would write and write. But all the wanted was 2 quotes per paragraph and these narrow expectations that nobody ever explained. In the good school they explained that completely. That you need to jump this hoop that hoop and thats all. No need to waffle on. I would write amaxing philosophical things but not answer the actual question..sometimes I would just write about why the question itself was flawed. I did really bad. I did fine for chemistry and biology because there's only one answer to a question..but history english I did terribly badly. And its a huge amount of stuff to have to do at an age when your brain actually stops feeding your frontal lobes and they kinda shut down and we are asking teens to get up against their circadian rhythm and do frontal lobe exercises at the exact time their frontal lobes are shutting down for a while. Its very fugged up how bad the education system is. All it is now is jumping through hoops and if you know specifically what those hoops are rather than this pretence at learning then that can be helpful.
Sending you love dude. 17 is a tough old age. You think everyone is doing better than you but I promise most of them are thinking the same too. Go easy on yourself. Celebrate the little wins and find whatever gives you joy in life. Speak to teachers - they want you to succeed. Find one you like and open up to them. There is no right or wrong way to go about things xx
Something I found recently that works for me is dividing my tasks into: inherently fun work and more dry or boring or challenging less fun work. I break up my tasks throughout the day to have it set up with fun tasks beginning or bookending each less fun task. My day flies and I get so much done and it doesn’t really feel so hard!
Neurotypical brain here, trying to learn how to parent and guide my ADHD daughter, and I find the information you provided here incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you! I will be checking out your other videos as well!
Thank you so much for trying to understand your daughter and help her for who she is instead of shame and guilt trip her. We need more parents like that
I was thinking about how better I would have done as a child having accomodations for what I'm starting to realize is ADHD 😅 I'm glad your kid can get all the help she'll need
please watch this video with her and ask her specifically which parts she relates to most!! Doing the research *with* her is important because Adhd can affect people slightly differently. And also some videos/articles focus on the physical aspect (fidgeting and all that) and while those testimonials are valid, I don't relate bc I have the inattentive type where my brain is what's mainly active rather than my body. Talk with her an /non-judgmental/ open minded manner and you guys will get real far. :)
hey just wanted to say thank you for being the parent you are being to your daughter. I struggled with ADHD my entire life, and being raised by a parent that constantly was mad at me for my struggles with executive dysfunction was incredibly traumatizing for me. As an adult I struggle immensely with self esteem issues, self blame, depression, anxiety and chronic burnout, and I continue to try to take on more to prove that I am not lazy or stupid, and despite all my efforts I still find it near impossible to feel like I'm doing enough or trying hard enough. It makes me so happy to see parents taking steps to work with their children's Nuerodivergence instead of pressuring and making them feel bad about being different.
I wish my parents were as resourceful as you. Thank you for what you are doing
Micro commitments is how I tricked myself into enjoying the gym. I told myself I just had to go. I could leave immediately if I hated it. I started going. And I started working out. And sometimes I would leave after 15 minutes and sometimes I’m there for an hour! And now I’m always excited to go back. I do what feels good and what’s fun. I don’t put a ton of pressure if I miss a day or two or even a week. I just go when I can and try to have fun w it!
with me its just that i wanted to be strong, and at the start you make progress much, much more quick than you do when youre more advanced, so i was easily self accomplished because of it, and i just knew that if i go to the gym 3 more times, i can lift x kg more, so this got me thinking "its not much, if i can just do this then i will be a step closer to my goal"
Same here for a lot of other stuff I do that "you can drop/go whenever you want"
This is very on point. We have to take it veeery slowly if we want to implement an habit that is not immediately pleasant
Ive given up on going to the Gym. I ride my bike. There is more stuff to look at. of course the problem with this is what do I do when the weather is bad. I used to go to the trampoline park but Ive stopped doing that since covid.
Same here, but with running
Who watched this in 2x speed? 😂
"Ain't nobody has time for that!" :) It's basically a 2 minute video if you can process it 10x the speed :D
Jesse, I’m old enough to be your mother but I also suffer from ADD. With an immense amt of dedication, through blood and tears I was able to earn my Masters in health care. I was diagnosed as an adult which made me understand all the difficulties I had as a child/young adult. Thank you for the explanation of why the methods for Neurotypical people do not work for us.. that made me cry because finally someone explained why those methods didn’t work for me. I appreciate you. You have gained a follower. Can’t wait to get your book
Before suspecting ADHD, this is pretty much what I went through. Motivational videos, rigid routines, a million and one planners, bullet journals, overstudying, etc. It was a HowToADHD video that made it click. I was actually scrolling through productivity videos when I saw her channel. I dont remember what the video was about, but everything she said felt so familiar. I nearly cried. No diagnosis or anything yet, but the ADHD tips have helped a lot. I still fall into the self help things but at least when it fails I don't blame myself so much.
Making lists of things I want to do would send me on shopping excursions to find the supplies I needed, and now online and when that was done I would be too tired and overwhelmed by the fact that now I COULD start doing the thing. Aggghh
Yeah I always end up with one thing missing. Like I had bought all sorts of supplies for sewing and then really couldn't make the damn machine work ...and spent literally years and bought three different machines and eventually got an old singer which is mechanical so everything is fixable on it that also took me a year to fix but now it works great. And then I got all the feet all the thread all the whatnot. One thing I wanted to do was embroider real butterflies. I mean real patterns if species..and after so many years like ten...I haven't done it...I was at a Christmas Market last week and a lady in my village has done it! I'm like ok I don't need to finish that project somone else has. But I always think I have all the tools and then halfway I realise I either really don't have the skills or patients to do something a second time or else I haven't got such and such a tool. Gah!
@@Padraigp I do that same thing all the time! So frustrating.
I feel this so much. I, too, began to suspect, I might have ADHD after watching a video from How to ADHD. That was one and a half year ago. I got my diagnosis 3 month ago. Without that Video (and binge watching the rest of the channel), I would never have talked to a friend of mine, who supported me in the fight that is getting a diagnosis (because it is so damn hard to get an appointment). Finding the possibility, that I might have ADHD helped me a lot with my depression. I didn't feel worthless anymore, and felt that I understood my brain so much more than before. Have been having imposter syndrome lately, though, but this video was just so relatable again.
Funnily enough bullet journals actually are helpful to me. But that was only after I started using a combination of the original bujo method, some specified CBT lessons and a whoooooole lot of personal adjustments. And of course something that was mentioned in this vid, accepting that I won't always use it and that's okay. (I actually got my bujo as a bday gift from my BFF. She had bought 2 and she would take the one I didn't choose. She filled hers up 2 years ago, I'm not even one third in lol) But for me it was also HowToADHD that made me realize I may have ADHD. Though it was when I watched her TEDTalk after a meme channel recommended checking it out. Not everything was the same but enough of it was that I was just flabbergasted and could only think "that's me!" It took me around 3-4 months to get diagnosed after that so I got really lucky with the speed. I love talking about these two things so I'm sorry for the ramble. I hope you got your diagnosis by now or are well on your way there.
I’m finally getting my eval and the whole “can’t trust my brain” thing shook me. The reason I don’t drink isn’t because I know it’s bad for you, it’s because I don’t trust what my brain will do when I’m not in control, It’s also because my brain feels like a different being sometimes. ex. I am crying because someone raised their voice, but I am not actually sad and I understand that the person didn’t mean to scare or hurt me and I’m not hurt, but yet I’m crying and I can’t stop.
I can relate to this too much- ...
So true
I've always referred to my brain and my mind as 2 different things fighting 2 different battles all day every day.
You put words to it so well I am going bonkers
@@AmberyTear You're not wrong - supposedly, there are two parts of your brain always working together and one is non-verbal. Kinda creepy, but explains some symptoms of some issues.
I nearly cried while watching. His words strikes deep into my heart. Breaking things up in to smaller tasks has turned nightmare into absolute catastrophe. This guy here truly understands what life with ADHD is like.
7:04 wow, this was actually very validating to hear. Whenever life starts piling up, I usually tell people “I’m just tired of trying not to drown” even today I was talking to my coworker about it. It’s wild for me to think that the majority of people don’t get that almost spiritually exhausting feeling whenever they get stressed/overwhelmed. I’ve always just assumed everyone felt like this. Glad I found this vid
1. Get into deep depression 2. Be unable to do anything, feeling zero motivation to even fullfil basic needs 3. Miss good old days where you were doing at least something 4. Recover from depression 5. Boom! Even with ADHD, you value those small accomplishments more, and dont blame yourself for not doing "important" stuff anymore. You learn what is "good enough" and are happy with your life
Well shit, if it isn't me
Good enough? Why not strive to always do better for ourselves?
because it's NEVER ENOUGH. You might have missed the whole point of all this.
@@kalebjacobs111 "Hey, I've found a way to move my legs. I think I can try to walk forward a little and maybe get the hang of it." "Cool. While you're at it, here's a heavy backpack you can carry in that direction."
Hi, I've been following your list, but I'm having trouble doing step 4. Is there a cheat code for that one? Seriously though, the really bad depression got less bad months before your comment was made, but it's all still around all these months later. Months full of doing little besides obsessing over it and obsessing over whether an ADHD diagnosis will pan out and give me any chance of things getting better and feeling like even living through the day is too much effort because I already had it at the lowest effort possible before this.
I was diagnosed at age 34. I so feel you on not being able to trust your brain. People think I'm so organized because I excel at my job, but what I actually am is extremely anxious about deadlines. I check and double check everything constantly to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. And I still miss things sometimes, but often people don't notice... Setting aside the reams of unhelpful productivity advice, this is what has helped me. If I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I take a small notebook and write down every thing I'm stressing out about. Every task, every thought, every stressor, just a total brain dump. Need to do dishes? Mad at your spouse? Worried about your job performance? It goes on the list. I then ignore that. Turn over a new piece of paper and write down my tasks for the day. They are fresh on my mind after that brain dump, but all the other crap stays behind. Then I take a Time Timer - a little ADHD miracle sold on Amazon that I now own one for every room in my house, I pick the task that seems most feasible, set the timer for five or twenty five minutes, and do the thing for that long. Usually that gives me momentum to do the next thing. If I do it this way, I can get into a hyperfocus or flow state and get a lot done. I also avoid redundancy in my systems. Everything in my life goes on one Outlook Calendar. That's it. That's how I get things done. For me I have found that the best solution is to go as basic as possible. A notebook, a short to do list once a day, a calendar, and a Time Timer. Seriously. Get a Time Timer.
I got all these fancy planners and habit apps. In reality I only use the basic notes app and I use it for everything
Thank you for suggesting a stressor dump notebook. I struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts, stacked emotions a lot and they interfere with my productivity and overall day/energy control. I'm going to try that out.
@@blaa2323 Having a Journal/Diary is really therapeutic, writing/typing down what is in your head can help you a lot to ease your mind, then you can stop and reflect about it. I use the daily notes in Obsidian (My note taking app of choice), I have two journals, one is dedicated for work, so I can keep track of my week so I'm always in touch with what I did, what I'm doing and what needs to be done, also in meetings I don't feel lost like I'm the only one that doesn't remember what I did, I set a reminder the day before every meeting, so I can review my past week and make bullet point of what's important for me to say in the meeting, this habit helped so much my colleagues started to notice that I always have something to say on our review meetings every two weeks, even got praised for it (Didn't told them my secret tho hehe), The other journal is more personal, it's like a brain dump like Mama Squid said. My daily template looks like this (This is in markdown, the "#" represents the heading number, how big the heading is, so I can organize it better, and the {{date}} thing if just a variable of the template, it would auto format itself to Sunday, 01/01/2023 when I create the daily note) you can use this template in a real notebook too if you like. The TO-DO part I write first thing when I turn on my PC, or if I already know what I need to do tomorrow I create the tomorrow note on the day before and write the to-do beforehand, so when I open my daily note I already know what I've left planned. #{{date:dddd, DD/MM/YYYY}} ## TO-DO - [ ] --- ## Personal ### What am I grateful for today? ### How did I feel today? ### What is on my mind right now? ### What did I achieve today? ### What could I have done better today? --- ## Work ### Today I Completed ### Today I Made Progress on ### Today I Started ### I should keep track of
I'm 34 and just realized my brain is wired like the guy on the video. I don't want to say I have ADHD. Just I'm a creative soul but had struggle with anxiety all my life to the point that I almost died of a heart attack. Anxiety is no way to live
@@Gooshytgooseanxiety typically co-occurs with adhd, friend
I could remember several years ago, I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Was actually diagnosed with ADHD. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
YES very sure of Dr.benshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I hate that psilocybin gets grouped with drugs like cocaine and heroin. Mushrooms are a remedy, not a vice! I went on a microdose treatment for a couple of months and within the first week, every sight of a cigarette got me questioning why I was doing all that to myself. It really works.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Does anyone know any good source to get them? I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels, would love to give shrooms a try.
Yes, dr.sporesss
Dr.sporesss is the best, he's been my go to for anything psychedelics.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
it’s crazy because you mentioned the part about incorporating timers when doing tasks and only doing things just for a certain amount of time and recently i’ve been doing that and it’s helped soooo much! when u said “we’re not very good at estimating time” i was just like YES YES THANK YOUUUU. now when i need to clean the kitchen i tell myself, only 30 mins. and if i can’t get in the groove of finishing the kitchen even in 30 mins then i allow myself to stop. but it’s 100% helped me realize “hey it doesn’t even take that long so why not just do it” game changer .
lol what rlly helped for me was go like ok only 2 dishes and i end up doing them all, and then i started to realise i coupd just do them all and it wasnt too much of a leap, worked for me!
I started doing timers the other day (trying to take advantage of the energy that comes from a medication switch before I fall back into the old groove). Now I basically have a Pomodoro timer running all day, whether I’m working or just playing on the internet. It helps a little to just pull me out enough so the work task doesn’t feel endless and the play doesn’t consume my whole day (just the whole afternoon 😆). It also helps with things like cleaning because it FEELS like I’ve been washing dishes for hours but oh look it’s been three and a half minutes ok I guess I can do more. I also try to play videos while doing things like dishes, so that there’s something interesting going on while I handle the boring chore, and it gives me a bit of a time limit on its own.
This is the problem I had with the ‘Deep Work’ book, his strategies were so inaccessible unless you’re a neurotypical person. He gives advice like ‘lock yourself away until the job is done’ which is great if you can hyperfocus on it, but otherwise we will procrastinate until the end of time. He gives advice like ‘Go to a new location’ which can work when there‘s subtle background stimulation at a coffeeshop, but then you get distracted and start talking to the barista.
He's also extremely dismissive of anyone who can't focus for a minimum of 90 minutes without any breaks or people who have jobs that won't let them ever go 100% off the grid. There have been people who have tried reaching out who are in the medical field, who have disabilities (one really disappointing one was when a person asked if he would be willing to add voice commands to his app for his blind coworker and Cal just said Google Calendar already has accessibility so he doesn't see why his stuff should), and people with autism or ADHD get brushed off hard too. Any time he addresses anyone living a life he doesn't understand he will say, "I'm not an expert on your issue, but I would just do [same thing I told everyone else]." Except for blind people who should apparently have known better than to lose their sight before wanting to learn about his tools.
HAHAHHA so so true!
Have you actually tried it? When people are locked in a room they have proven that they would rather be electrocuted for stimulation than do nothing. My advice is to not adopt this guys long list of excuses and try to reduce useless dopamine you are consuming online and with junk food or drugs
@@tiryaclearsong421 Oh, that's super sad to hear re: Cal Newport and accessibility. I liked that book -- when I can get into it, hyperfocus does work for me -- but I did get the impression that the only reason he was able to do that was because, yanno, he has a wife who takes care of the kids and all those "unimportant" things he dismisses. Bet she spends a lot of time reminding him they have dinner planned with so-and-so...
Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets overwhelmed by breaking a project up into small steps! It does work for me...as long as I convince myself that the ONLY thing that needs to be done is the first small step and the rest doesn't exist. It's not a fool-proof system but it does help break the inertia.
Bruh, seriously. Since I've found out I have ADHD, which was like, 2 weeks ago, i've been watching all these ADHD contents and I feel like crying because all the time I hear things that are INSANELY relatable to my entire life experience till now, and I´ve N E V E R felt so intensely this sense of belonging... I've never felt so understood. It's the first time I'm hearing people tell personal experiences that are EXACTLY like mine. Seeing so much people understanding so accurately how I feel, what I go through my entire life and how people don't understand and judge me insinuating that i'm stupid, lazy and indifferent towards other people, makes me SO EMOTIVE... I wish I could give a strong hug and thank all the content creators that makes me feel this way, so let me leave my thanks to you: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! 🤧🤧🤧
i had tears welling up in my eyes when you talked about how you aced tests but couldn’t do homework, and ended up with C’s. that’s my exact schooling experience and exactly how i describe it to people who ask how it affected me in school. i knew it was adhd but have never heard someone describe it the same way as me and it was validation i didn’t know i still needed. doing so well on tests and not doing homework led to nobody catching my adhd until i was 18 years old. it led to every adult in my life thinking that i was just lazy and not applying myself. i’m 26 years old and trying so hard to learn how to function and reach my potential. currently falling into the constant overwhelm/shut down/do everything all at once cycle. :(
Holy shit I have like the exact same story. Hang in there dude
@@maxwellreichart3797 thanks and same to you!!
I aced tests mostly due to being a very visual learner (concepts were pictures in my head), but I never actually learned how to study effectively, which bit me in the ass on certain subjects. If I got bored in class, I’d doodle while taking notes. Somehow managed to finish the notes, but then I’d never look at them until like 10min before a test (in a panic!) because I was distracted with more interesting things, and basically have no idea how I have a 4.0 GPA because I don’t feel like I’ve ever internalized anything. Except for the stuff I got distracted with.
Have you considered meds?
@@corvoattano9303 yeah i’ve tried out multiple different meds over the last 10 years and am still adjusting things from time to time.
Something I'm still angry about, over a decade later, is how my middle school tried to teach students productivity with this stupid one-size-fits-all approach that caused me, a teen with undiagnosed inattentive-type ADHD, no end of grief. My school used the old "7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens" bit, like they had us sit down for (agonizingly long) training sessions and gave us agendas that had all the "habits" written on them and in which we were supposed to jot down all our homework assignments and other things to remember. And then they'd constantly remind us to use our agendas and complain about students not using them, with the implication that if we didn't we were being lazy/didn't care. But the thing is, for me the agenda and "7 habits" bit did not work at all. Keeping regular logs is something I have always struggled with, and I constantly lost or forgot about the agenda, or just didn't have the energy to write things out. Eventually I realized I was spending so much time and energy stressing over trying to fill out the agenda for the agenda's sake that it was actively detrimental to my productivity, and I was actually better off just mentally keeping track of most things. But every time I forgot an assignment, I would get the response: "Did you use your agenda?" And when I said no, it didn't work for me, the teachers would tell me to start using it, like not using it was the reason for my forgetfulness rather than a symptom of it. I started lying and saying I did use it just to get them off my back, because they'd never believe their precious organizational method could actually not work for some people--clearly I just wasn't working hard enough at being organized.
I completely forgot about the agenda book... They made me use that thing for 4 years in elementary. FUCK the agenda!
I totally forgot about this, you just brought back so many memories!! My middle school did the exact same thing…”habits” planner and all. I remember it had other distracting things like inspirational quotes and little symbols and images which was totally overwhelming to me. There must have been some sort of outside educational consultant selling these “methods” with the planners to schools. I’m surprisingly a teacher now, and I now know schools get sucked into these fads or initiatives that are created by these consultants who have never actually worked in classrooms or with children at all. So it makes sense some sort of mysterious corporate people are forcing this one size fits all productive campaign down our throats. Having ADHD has weirdly helped me relate to my students and I’m able to help them break down tasks a bit better, even the ones who are neurotypical. Granted, I go home and don’t follow my own advice lol….
This brings back memories! And also makes me feel like I have never had a unique experience in my life😂 thank you for this comment!
I'm curious, what did you end up doing to keep track of things when there were too many things to keep track of mentally?
I still buy agendas to this day and it still does nothing for me to this day. My mom swears by lists, but they don't work for me either. I'm a visual learner. I have to picture it in my mind, almost as a tangible object
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and kind of in a rut about feeling like nothing would make things better for me, until I found your channel and felt like there were just different ways I could exist and function and I could be just as successful as everyone else. Thanks for giving me hope!
1 year late to the party. Haven't been clinically diagnosed with ADHD but this aspect resonates a 100% with me. Thank you so much for these great tips!
The problem is that everything is a frog for me. I have difficulty distinguishing major tasks from minor tasks. Everything must be done.
that is depression, welcome aboard, or maybe not sorry ...
Some simple rules that may help. Your boss's priorities should dictate your own task priorities. Things that prevent other tasks from being done are higher pri. Things with a closer due date are higher pri. Recurring tasks are typically lower pri.
@@blackphidora Like a lot of advice requiring prioritisation, a lot of this does not work so clearly, when one is working independently on many projects. RE: Your boss's priorities should dictate your own task priorities.: I am my own boss for most of my long list of projects I am doing. RE: Things with a closer due date are higher pri.: Most of my tasks either do not have due dates, or have the same indefinite due date of trying to do it in this year or "before 2030". RE: Recurring tasks are typically lower pri.: I currently naturally avoid smaller tasks in the day in favour of a couple huge projects that take ages to do, but this results in many small tasks simply not being finished even though they may not take that much time. RE: Things that prevent other tasks from being done are higher pri.: That one I've been somewhat independently trying to do for a while though, and just yesterday theorising on some kind of algorithm I could use to prioritise tasks based on this. A lot of tasks can benefit in some way from some other tasks that is also on the list, so maybe if went through a list of every task, and always did the task highest on the tree for that task, it would result in me doing the tasks with the most things depending on it more often, as well as all those standalone tasks that I may never get to otherwise? I got caught up in this idea of "be the change you want to see in the world", and now have this ridiculously long list of changes I want to make and things I want to complete (got to 26 lines writing it down yesterday without even having to try that hard, and several of these tasks are massive undertakings one could dedicate their life to and/or in many different disciplines) that is really hard to prioritise. Some people have trouble finding their purpose in life, or in finding opportunities, but on my end, I've found way, waayyy too many purposes in life as well as so many pressing opportunities hard to take all at the same time. It is also basically impossible to be bored, because this, and also other things like entertainment, mean there are more things I want to do in the day, than there are hours in the day. I'm trying to be more efficient to get more things done; Atomic Habits has worked brilliantly, although I'm still improving. But, my list of things I want to achieve is so long, with no one to delegate to (maybe I should try activism? It's getting kind of impractical to do literally everything myself), I've been searching for some proper way to prioritise, and deal with, this very long list of things. Even ignoring the really big list, I have at least 3 major projects I am trying to work on at the same time right _now_, all of which could potentially make money in the future (another way I try to prioritise what to do). There is just so much, and so much of similar importance. I _need_ to find a way to get them all done, otherwise these things may never be created or improved to be better, and that would just be terrible.
I really resonated with the failure of "Just do it anyways", and how uselessly daunting "Breaking it into pieces" can be. I know perfectly well what all the pieces are! Re-arranging them in a chart doesn't make it any easier to get started.
Getting by in school w/o doing homework and just acing tests was so relatable. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I've been wondering lately.
2:22 literally me - I have like a 50% homework grade and 90% test grade in Algebra 2. Usually what happens is I won’t be motivated to do the homework so then I don’t know the material and then I can’t do the homework for the next day and the cycle repeats until the night before or the morning of the test where I’ll be pressured into teaching myself all the material in just 1-2 hours purely running on anxiety. When I was younger, I was always able to get by without doing anything except for listening in class during the few moments when I wasn’t distracted. Probably 7-8th grade is when I my grades dropped because we’d have actual homework and it was also before I had a good understanding of what was going on. I remember I couldn’t imagine myself in a world where I would go home and do the homework as soon as I get home meanwhile everyone in my friend group would get everything done right away so they would always hangout when I felt like I should be doing my homework so I would hardly ever hangout with them on weekdays but even when I chose not to go I still wouldn’t get my homework done - as a freshman and sophomore I kind of self diagnosed the problem based on what I knew about biology and chemistry even though I had yet to take bio until jr year. I suspected that I either had a larger tolerance to dopamine, requiring more to satisfy my body or lacked production in dopamine. I primarily thought this because upon doing all the strategies that never work but somehow I feel like every school resource teacher will make you try, I found something that kind of helped me do tasks that seemed boring and made them more interesting by playing a video of something I like in the background. Turns out what I suspected was pretty much chemical definition of adhd: less production of dopamine and norepinephrine (another chemical stimulant that I think is triggered by adrenaline)
"I knew I couldn't trust myself" I'm crying. I only started suspecting I had ADHD last year. Couldn't get a diagnosis because they are too expensive where I live. I've been struggling academically all my life and everyone repeated that "you're not living up to your potential" every single day to me. To the point that I have anxiety attacks when my intelligence is tested because I don't want to fail. This one sentence "I couldn't trust myself" rings so true it hurts. I'll keep watching the video now, thanks
Same! I got diagnosed but I have to take Vyvanse which is so expansive!!! I'm taking Wellbutrin XL which is a antidepressant that works with dopamine but isn't enough. I'm so sad because if I had the opportunity to take the medication I need I would be so much better.
100% this! I hear the same things and I feel the same way! I also developed severe anxiety especially around school and work because I indeed feel like I can’t trust myself and I’m paranoid around failing to meet expectations of jobs and schools. Flunking out, getting fired, wasting time and money all suck. I want to get ahead in my life but it’s so hard because my brain is like broken.
I believe in you Elmer. You are smart. You can do it in your own way. Elmer, You are not now, nor have you ever been a failure. You have discovered many ways that don't work for you, and many ways that do. You got this. I believe in you, and as Mr Roger's was fond of saying, "I like you just the way you are."
Relatable...
“Motivation in ADHD is not from importance.” Man, that really helps. I never really thought of it that way!
I started to cry a bit when you got to the part of embracing the pivot. This is sooooo me. I feel like a failure because my time management keeps getting disrupted and I feel like I'm doing something wrong and that there is a secret in life that I'm too stupied to have discovered. I keep telling myself that something is wrong with me, compared to all my coworkers (despite the ADHD brain).
❤ Wow, I've felt like this, too. I had to stop the video & let that sink in. It was almost overwhelming. I bought "The Anti-Planner by D. Donovan." I read it from cover to cover, highlighted the hell out of the book. Once it went in my drawer, I totally forgot about the book. I appreciate the info in this video. Keep your chin up, you've got this🥰
Thanks for all the good tips! I find some of them will be useful for me. There are a lot of good advice in the comments. My little contribution to the ADHD community: when it comes to choosing which task to do the next and it becomes impossible (analysis paralysis), I always wear a dice in my pocket to choose for me. I pick the first 6 tasks of my list, roll the dice, and I start working on it. When it's done, bye bye pending task! Sometimes you will not like what the dice says and you will do something else instead. But what matters is that you already started doing something. I believe one of my "motivators" is to make my list smaller. People often underestimate the amount of energy it takes to make decisions. Save this energy for what really matters.
Awesome, definitely going to try this out! Sounds like making it more of a game: "Which one it is going to be? Let the dice decide!"
I'm not gonna lie: i got distracted 2 or 3 times watching the video, but i made sure to re-watch it and take notes, because i truly think the way of breaking down the 4 C's AND THEN giving the examples is super great!! Thank you soooo much!
I forced myself to take notes on this so I would pay attention, but in the middle I got a phone notification and told myself I would read it while listening to the video. Before I knew it, 2 minutes had gone by and I had to skip backwards. I made it to the end eventually though! It's really nice to find so many people that I can relate to :)
Me too, and Ijust realized that Iooking this video was part of my distraction to work on stuff. so I was distracted from a distraction🪆🪆
@@jolly2002me Story of my life! 🥴
same lmao! realised i hadnt put on deoderant, went to do that, well while im here might make some tea and on and on lmao
I stopped watching about 4 minutes in but came back to it a week later. Awesome video!
"He's so bright but just doesn't apply himself." Wow I never thought I'd hear anyone else having this experience in school over and over. Thank you.
I’m a 30 year old male and been through all these my entire life. I’m a good problem solver but never aced tests, all my professors were often surprised what’s wrong with me. I started meditation and noticed a huge shift, I was able to combat all these adhd drawbacks easily. All the problem and solutions you mention here are 100% true. I’m unknowingly already applying a few of the solutions and now I’ll apply a lot more after learning from you. It’ll make my life so much easier. Thank you so much for this wonderful video ❤
I've never been diagnosed with anything but this video resonates so much. I spent years reading/listening to podcasts on productivity and time-management tasks. I've thrown so much money at learning these tricks. I've tried the waking up at 5 a.m. I've tried Kanban, eating the frog, project management, etc. None of it works. This video really helped me understand that it's okay and I'm not alone in my thinking that these systems don't work for me.
My personal advice about the “do it for only 5 minutes and then maybe you’ll be on a roll”: that tip never used to work for me. I would get anxious thinking ahead about at the end choosing either (do more work) or (feel guilty for deciding to not do more work). What actually works for me is to set a timer for 5 minutes, and then STOP when the time is up, no matter what. You just do this at enough of a frequency that you can get the thing done. It’s a good technique for things like housework. Edit: by this I mean, for certain tasks I literally only do 5 minutes a day. You’d be surprised what you can get done in that amount of time. And 5 minutes every day is more than say, 30 minutes weekly. For me stuff like doing dishes and keeping my room clean is tough, and it feels like it takes up my entire afternoon. Finding out I can do it in less than 5 minutes is liberating. What takes up my entire afternoon is the procrastinating lmaooooo
100% the pomodoro app also works for this bc the break is timed
I give myself little micro breaks. I'll check facebook or the news then I'll just randomly exit it out to go back to my task. I call it my circle and eventually you start to get more interested in the bigger task at ahnd. Sometime i'll turn on classical music but not singing to distracting. I might light a candle or turn a light on only when i'm studying. I also will take short walk.
I do this! I set a timer for 5 minutes and clean....whatever. no plan, just start picking things up or doing dishes or whatever I see first. Then I take a 5 minute break. Then 6 minutes work, 6 minute break, 7 minute work, 7 minute break - basically until I feel like I've done enough. On weekends, I can go all day.
Same. My thought process is "5 minutes is better than nothing". Even if I end up only doing 5 minutes, it was better than nothing. It's helped me reduce a lot of guilt I feel when not doing tasks.
I will try using that 5 minute stop for housework. Been struggling with it so much lately..
YES! 🙌 As a neurodiversity life coach, I spend half my time helping people to unlearn the shame and "shoulds" of these neurotypical systems.
So what can I do to fix myself? I'm smart, i have dreams and ideas. I have skills. But everyday I feel more useless and get less done.
@@ACoupleStoners My heart goes out to you. There are so many things packed in to what you're saying. I have lots of thoughts, but the three that I'll share here are: 1. I feel you entirely about being broken and needing to fix yourself. But the truth is, we live in a society that needs fixing. We are perfectly good and whole as we are. 2. Less = more. With my clients, we usually work on either a) narrowing down to a few goals and working on those diligently or b) being happy cycling through interests as you gain/lose interest in them. 3. Outsourcing (paying someone to help you or to do the things you aren't ever gonna get done yourself, despite your best intentions) and "body doubling" (having a coach like myself, a friend/family member, or a community group be an accountability partner) are game changers.
@@ACoupleStonersadding to the answer above. 1. Change your situation. Most likely ADHD will be no problem if you are a explorer (travel blogger) or a adventurer. Go camping with friends for an entire week, move outside all day. Such a life might be bliss for you - so go create it! 2. Challenge yourself. Do something that requires all those skill. Organize local " ted" talk, start a business, do things that might really fail. If it is a real adventure, you will thrive. 3. Don't expect to have a linear career. If you apply your strenghts, you will make it. You also will fail on the way. And once you made it, you'll get bored and go out to find new challenges. New job, new country, new hobby. Who knows?
@NotaNazgul these are all very me. Idk if you looked at my channel but my wife and I already live /travel in a bus. The local Ted talk thing is funny, I used to do that. I started a local psychedelics discussion group that grew really quickly and attracted some of the most interesting and in depth conversations I've ever had. We even had some a doctor join and share their knowledge and experience with us. The linear career thing is something I really struggle with. My heart tells me this is who I am. Just constantly searching out new fun and interesting ways to live life and make money. But inside I feel like I'm almost 40 and never really going to find my niche in life because I don't stick with things long enough for them to grow. Struggling with depression and watching the world around us crumble doesn't help either. But thank you for the advice. Where have you learned this from?
I’m an RN I went to school to be a health coach, the pandemic hit and I haven’t started coaching yet beyond my practice clients. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and would like to add neurodiverse clients. Are there online classes?
Wow…At 47 years of age, I’ve always known that I was wired differently to others and have occasionally listened to descriptions of ADHD and laughed at some of the similarities, but Jesse’s description of his journey through school really, really nails it for me - that was my journey! My whole adult life has been peppered with bouts of depression triggered by the inability to conform to the expectations of “the system” as defined by others for anything other than short bursts of intensely concentrated effort before feeling fatigued to the point of exhaustion by the sheer force of will required to fit in and seem normal. I’ve spent most of my adult life torturing myself by assuming that I’m somehow deficient or not as good as others when, under the right circumstances (usually when something intensely interests me), I can outwork and outthink almost anybody I’ve ever worked with.
Where has this been all my life?!! This resonated with me on every level! I knew I had adhd but a few things (the "where tf did the time go and Ive gotten nothing [or very little] done?!", the overwhelm, the starring at the massive pile of clean - ish laundry that makes me crazy looking at it every day but when I do something about it, it only gets sorted into "clean enough" and "no way I can wear this" and continues to stay in about the same place because it either took way longer than it should, i Ive gotten side tracked/derailed on something else... Usually something along the lines of: I need another laundry basket but theres nothing free so lets find a box, oh gotta put these random things from the box somewhere else, lets google how to organize this... Suddenly Ive got 50+ tabs open and the first 5-10 are on organization.... The others are on anything and everything but Omg!!!! And dont even get me started on the "productivity" systems!!!
This is the only video on productivity that doesn’t make me feel like an utter failure. You are totally reflecting a lot of my own strategies I’ve discovered and this really made me smile. Wonderful ❤️ thank you Jesse!
🥺🥺🥺
I've just started watching, I suspect some attention problems but I've never been diagnosed, but I started the video because of how productivity is really such a toxic concept in our society these days, and it's a word repeated in positive contexts to the point where it doesn't even look like a real word anymore (if you don't know what this feeling is, try saying the same word over and over for a few minutes - the reality of the word kind of washes off from your brain), so I was interested in the alternative take on it.
This is by far the best video about productivity and ADHD I've seen. Thank you, Jesse. I just recently discovered the possibility of having ADHD. With 51 years. It answers so many questions I had all my life.
Me too!! 42!
Me three...64. I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need a burrito.
Finaly got my diagnosis and medication (Ritalin). It works so well and is such a game changer.
ive known since birth, haha. though im approaching my senior year of high school and only just came across this video. barely passed my final quarter of 11th grade lol
DX at 60! Has already changed my life so much for the better!!
This describes my experience more insightfully and succinctly than I ever could have... 40 years old I am literally just now finding out what is going on with my own self from a KZhead video. I must say thank you for making this.
The timer really helps me. Many many times I feel overwhelmed by the quantity of things I have (and want) to do (especially house cleaning chores or even exercising outside the house) but feel like each and everyone of them would take so much amount of time, then I remember how much time they actually took over the timers I set last time. For example: washing dishes can take only 5 minutes, vacuuming the whole house-some 15 minutes etc. and timers also help me a lot on my office job from which I get easily distracted . Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
I'm crying because i relate to every single detail of this and even though I was recently "diagnosed" with adhd I still feel like I'm faking it and other people don't really take it seriously and still view me as lazy. I have like 4 different projects that are overdue and it feels like once again I have put myself in deep shit and I'm just so sick and tired of this continuing because I feel like I have no control of myself or my life even though I should. I don't know the point I'm trying to make with this. I'm just very frustrated. hopefully this video will help.
Hey! I know you wrote this a month ago, but I hope your doing ok! I hope you got those task done, and if you didn't, that is absolutely fine, I'm not writing this to remind you 😅 but I wanted to make sure your still breathing ok!
Omg ;-; This video was already making me tear up with how close it hit to home, but reading your comment made me cry. So relatable, especially the part about feeling like you're faking it. It is frustrating and I don't really know how to respond, but you're not alone and I hope you're alright.
I just want to share that I 1000% resonate with every single word you said and am sobbing through this video. When you said: I’m just so sick and tired of this continuing because I feel like I have no control of myself or my life even though I should. That really hit home. It’s exactly what I’m feeling right now and it’s been giving me hell for the past few months.
Meditation and visualization are your tools to fight...
(! I have links in this msg !) Hey, you are NOT alone. I've been diagnosed for 7 years now and still learning more about how my brain works. It's really hard if you have been recently diagnosed - there's so much to take in and learn about yourself. I also had imposter syndrome - how can I be sure that this is actually what's wrong? Aren't I just lazy? Is ADHD an excuse?! Breaaathe. Trust your feelings and be nice to you! Important thing to realize is that ADHD is more of an *executive function* disorder than attention or hyperactivity. Executive function handles planning/organizing, starting and completing tasks, working memory, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility. This is a biochemical issue. Try talking to psychiatrist and a therapist (possibly cognitive behavioral therapist). Not all doctors prescribe medication. For more helpful videos try Dr. Tracey Marks and "How to ADHD". kzhead.info/sun/eq2IcduupHqPqJE/bejne.html kzhead.info/sun/eapxl9SrnZitm2g/bejne.html kzhead.infofeatured Hope you are feeling better! Also apologies for the big and somewhat messy post but I just wanted to share some things that gave me hope, relief, and the possibility of a plan to take control of my life. Something I would not have discovered on my own. Be strong ♥
I'm lucky to have been diagnosed quite young (shout-out to my mom
Parts of this are so painfully relatable. I’ve recently seen a substitute therapist while mines on maternity leave, and while discussing my possible ADHD diagnosis she talked about prioritizing and time management as if I don’t know how critical these things are. The whole point is I do understand their importance and I struggle to take care of them my brain is not like yours. They really don’t get it, thanks for your comment.
A heartwarming comment ♥️
Most people don't care how you feel or if you have mental problems or not.They have things they expect and when they don't happen they get mad. period. Nobody cares about why you did or didn't do it... You're just an NPC thats out of line to them.
@@VioFax Wow, thanks for the words of encouragement, asshole! You know what, fuck it, you *totally* have a point. I give up; let me just force myself to conform to what society views as “normal” so I can suffer on the daily. Let’s also just ignore the idea of progress and go back to beating up people for being different. Hell, let’s go back to doing lobotomies on people who have schizophrenia or are on the spectrum so we can keep them as pets! Your sentiment is incredibly ableist. I hope you find it in yourself to change. In the meantime, I shall continue to share my experiences and hope for a better future, and if not for me, then for the next generation.
It’s like telling an amputee to “just grow the limb back!”. If we could, we wouldn’t have this issue.
This video has confirmed to me that I do have ADHD, because I have all of these symptoms, have been told of these toxic advises and none of them worked. Thank you. Just such a relief knowing that it's not me somehow being evil/bad/lazy, it's a condition around which I can work, just not in the ways people usually do. Thank you.
This is exactly how I feel 😭 I always was mad on myself cause of that never ending procrastination but when you realize that it’s just how brain works… it’s all making sense
I just devoured this video to help me better understand my fiance and his sister, who have ADHD. I feel horrible for having done to them exactly what you said makes people with ADHD feel awful, but I will certainly take your advice to heart and change how I communicate with them about goals and productivity techniques. Thank you for making me a better ADHD ally!
If it makes you feel better, we're used to it, and we always appreciate the change in communication whenever it comes!
thank you for being willing to learn. I think most of us with ADHD don't expect perfection from other people, we just want them to make an effort to understand us. You sound like a genuinely good person and your fiance is incredibly lucky to have you
This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone perfectly describe what I have had to do since I was little. I have had to make everything into a game and micro tasks, and wow, this is honestly so true
I related so much to everything in this video, some tips I have thought of before and they do help, like the thought of accepting that you are going to have failure in your consistency and system, and that you will need to pivot
Agreed 100%
You can’t be serious. For YEARS I was wondering why none of this self improvement advice resonated with me. Literally every. single. thing. mentioned in this video I was doing. I don’t even need to list em out, everything. The frog, the productivity system being super distracting, the optimization, the beating myself up about not being productive. Omfg 😭🙏
This is huge and after 50+ years of beating myself up, I feel like someone just gave me a huge hug... And I feel like I can just breathe and do simple things to move forward...thank you ❤
You described me perfectly. I didn't know I had ADHD until I was diagnosed a few months ago. I'm 49. It makes me a little sad when I think about how much more different my life could've been if I knew about this much earlier. All those years of struggling and feeling guilty. Thanks for the tips and strategies!
I'm 58 - just this April. I occasionally wondered if I'd EVER find out what was going on in my brain. It's this massive window opening up. It's this incredible community. Welcome!
Do be too sad I was diagnosed when I was about 6, still didn't help because the world just isn't made for us.
same
I was diagnosed last year at the age of 31. Everything makes so much more sense now
But at least you have a reason for the struggle. It’s not because you could help it. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 25 and I flunked out of all the classes at school I was bored in. Didn’t know why. As an adult I’m more gentle with myself now that I know I have ADD. Don’t dwell on the past, but look forward to a new future with a broader understanding of who you are.❤️
You saying at 6mins in that our brains just get overwhelmed sometimes and we truly cannot force ourselves through it is so validating to hear. I’m in University now, working on getting diagnosed, but for a long time in my high school and primary school years my family would always call me lazy or clearly not motivated enough or not understanding of how important a task was, and when I’d enter these moments of total dysfunction they’d just yell at me for wasting time and make me do it anyways. I’m just glad to hear that I’m not broken.
I don't have ADHD and this is the case for me too. It's normal to get overwhelmed sometimes, nothing special about this.
My teachers would get so upset at me for not following along or getting lost, while in reality I was just very overwhelmed by all the info that was being thrown at me and my brain juat couldn't keep up!
You are not broken anyway. Don’t let anyone ever give you that idea. Everyone has a right to do things in a way that works for them, diagnosed or not. I have ADHD and it makes me so sad that I get acceptance after saying these magical 4 letters out loud, that otherwise I do not. The *world* is broken. We need more tolerance for people who can’t keep up with the main stream, do things differently than the majority, or have different needs to get where they want to go. You are perfect just being you. Always remember that.
I call that overwhelmed feeling "brain fog". It was the final symptom that caused me to realize I needed to go see a professional. It's like my brain is just ... locked up! Like it's behind a closed door you don't have the key to. Even finding something to eat is like pushing your hand through a pile of sand. It isn't a "wow this is hard" feeling. It's a "I literally cannot think. My brain is not working" and it can last for a whole day. I'd just sit there staring at things like I was in a coma. It made me realize (finally, after 40 years...) that I'm not neurotypical.
@@__u__9464"Oh your foot is broken? I stubbed my toe once, you're not special."
I do not have an official adhd diagnosis, but I related to everything you said and definitely have adapted some of these strategies already on my own, especially timers to create urgency. Thank you I loved this and felt very seen. The biggest new thing was the idea that I should just accept. That systems that work at first will probably eventually not work and I’ll have to mix it up and that I have permission to not feel bad about that! ❤
As someone who just entered college and has been majorly struggling and feeling that same sense of "drowning", this video was such a godsend. I've tried those same techniques for years. Trying harder, "eating the frog first", breaking things into a bunch of steps which just turns out to either be overwhelming or boring... As you can imagine, all have been VERY minimally helpful, if at all, and I often feel like I'll never be able to match the potential of my peers and that I must be broken or something for none of these "tried and true", "100% always works" methods to be doing nothing for me. Even just feeling validated in my struggles and being recognized as "not stupid. Just has a brain that works differently" took a lot of overwhelm and stress off my plate. Thanks, Jesse.
I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 27. I found this video and it's the first time ever anyone else has ever spoken about something so close to how I experience this. I spend so much energy trying to be productive, reading Tim Allen, etc, but I could cry listening to this video it's so good to be reminded I am not alone in this.
Though it may be risky with others with Depression and ADHD, having something alive to take care of has really helped me stay from hitting rock bottom. The past year of adjusting to moving out, failing my first year of uni, and struggling with relationships have all been a bit more barable because of my frogs + mice ♡ Having small animals to base my day around that rely on of my productivity without having to worry about the overstimulation of human interaction ♡ Animals captivate me, Creates bonds and projects and need to learn something new, helps Compete with "how can I make life for them better", and having them rely on me every day gives me daily deadlines for Completion.
Wonderful!
I have a fish and some snails to help me focus.
I have plants to check on. for easy mode :') (carnivorous plants and succulents are way more interesting than normal houseplants too!)
add goggly eyes to plants to make them seem like an animal…
I understand where you are coming from. Like his quote about drowning and being given a baby doesn't exactly ring true. That would kick my ass into high gear. Having to keep something else alive gives me a surge of motivation. Now the problem at least for me, is I am not sure I can trust this will last on the long term. Like I will fight like hell keep the baby from drowning, but now we are both fine and now I have to take care of this child forever. Which is hard for a person like myself that is motivated by completion and deadlines. There is no deadlines or completions when taking care of animals, plants, or humans.
I literally laughed out loud several times because I could relate so much. I had to hit pause several times to do calls, make notes in my to do list, and clean things up, etc. So hard to listen to 20 minutes of straight talk without a shiny object derailing me. Thanks for the content!
With no context other than the phrase "toxic productivity" next to ADHD and I swear I feel so understood already. Crazy never had a definition for this but i instinctively know exactly what it means
This is one of the greatest adhd vids I've ever seen. And I've consumed tons of productivity content (haven't we all), a lot of it even adhd-specific. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the first time ever, I'm leaving a 'tip' -- and a comment, which I rarely do. Cheers 🙏🏼
Thanks so much! 💙
My brother. You've described my entire adult life and all the things I tried. I always knew that I wasn't stupid (in some contexts people think I'm extremely smart, but in academic environments, I feel like the biggest, slowest idiot). Discovering that I had ADHD last year allowed me to seek better answers to my problems. Thank you for this.
The best productivity system I've tried so far for ADHD is the Scrum methodology. Big Tech uses it a lot for its software development projects, because Big Tech is neurodivergent as hell. You may want to look into it. In a simplified way: you divide your time into fixed-length sprints, every sprint you schedule only enough work for the sprint, and you organize them by progress status on a kanban board (e.g. not today, doing today, in progress, blocked, done). I learned this method at work, but it works wonders for me in my daily life.
@@iloveanimemidriffADHD-havers tend to be serial procrastinators. Breaking large projects into small projects and having weekly accountability are both great ways to capitalize on the "urgent response" part of the ADHD brain.
As someone who isn't diagnosed as adhd, this resonates with me so much. Thanks for letting us know we're not alone ❤
Honestly one of the best pieces of content I’ve ever seen in regards to the ADHD brain and the discourse and path that we go through to find answers. Thank you. You certainly changed my world with your advice!
I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but listening to you made me realize I might actually have ADHD. For so many years at work I've been the "smart but lazy" one since I have troubles getting things done as the rest of the people and I do get distracted constantly. While doing a big project I often find small things that I can tweak and then I focus on them so badly, I completely forget about the project I was working on. I've always thought there was something wrong with me but after watching this video I have clarity why I am the way I am and I finally know why I do things differently than others. Thank you for this video :)
This is me rn
Hey, I know it's been 3 months, but if you really think you have ADHD, if you can afford it, or if health care is free where you live Idk, go to a psychiatrist to actually be diagnosed with it, it will be much better to know you have it than to think that you have it, also there is medication that can help you with, it won't cure it, but it will make you in control of your brain a bit more for a certain period (Some last a few hours, others half a day) the exact amount it's different for each one, you and your Doctor will figure this, starting with small doses. Most people with ADHD I know used this medication for a bit, some a few months others a few years, and they all stopped after that, the reason being they learned how to be productive with it, the medication made them in control enough that they got their life together and created systems that worked for them, I'm still starting, but I already see the effects and making decisions and staying focused for longer period, and getting the motivation to start something is getting easier, I'm a long way from a neurotypical brain, but I don't get stuck that much anymore.
I remember trying to read an APUSH book in HS and my mom couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time. It got to a point that I could read a sentence over and over and it wouldn't register in my brain at all, each individual word became alien, and I think that was my "overwhelm point". Really great and relatable video that makes a lot of sense to another ADHD brain. Thank you!
I haven't seen anyone else describe it like this yet. I can read something, and just like you, it doesn't register, like they lost meaning. Or, if I'm playing games with my brother, I'd get to a point I'm playing the game, but not. I'd be moving my character and whatnot, but I wouldn't play like I usually do, but kind of mindlessly. Its like I can't focus no matter how hard I try to.
I've had this problem my whole life too but never been diagnosed with ADHD. You just gotta discipline your mind and attention through practice
Back in HS when I needed to read a book and couldn't continue, because current part was too boring to me (not consciously, but brain just hurting to continue reading that next part), what I did as a trick, I *skipped several pages forward to try to find an interesting part*, and it usually helped, because of trying to figure out what happened in the skipped part was a challenge in itself, and then after some time I'd return to the boring part, read it, and reconnect the content.
@@padarousou That's bad advise. The people with ADHD I know all have more self discipline than the average person and practice doesn't delete your ADHD symptoms, otherwise doctors would just prescribe "practice" instead of meds. The average person with ADHD probably has a lot more self discipline than the average neurotypical person.
@@pixelmotte Not practice but Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has been proven to be the best method of intervention when taken in conjunction with medication to correct problems with attention. ADHD is not primarily a hereditary condition, rather one that forms as the result of bad attention "habits" (i.e. switching your attention to different tasks frequently or irregularly) built over the course of years and can be overcome through conditioning. The average person suffering from any mental illness needs more self-discipline to regulate themselves, and live a productive life in society. Its not fair, but its the truth.
I was starting to dismiss this video as insightless, until I got to the suggestions - all of them really speak to me, they’re things I’ve been slowly learning through trial and error over the past year.
This was so helpful. Jesse. I tried all those systems and felt awful that I could just never keep them going. And as I only discovered my ADHD diagnosis age 60 I have spent my whole life 'trying harder'. What a relief to know that the productivity systems have been failing me and I am not the failure. I look forward to learning more from you.
One common pitfall I have found is being more invested in the system than the end goal. This can result in going down rabbit holes you don't need to go down. Sometimes you can't tell that a rabbit hole is unnecessary until you go down it, but taking a step back periodically to remind yourself of the end goal sometimes helps.
I dont know why this is the first time I have heard this advice from someone, But I'm almost breaking down in tears listening to you explain these ideas because this is the first time that someone has gotten how I feel and offered techniques that actually relate to me. All I can say is thank you for the video!
Yesss pomodoro technique works like a miracle for some reason;_; speedrunning writing masters degree in 25 minute intervals like a champ. I dont have any diagnose towards add/adhd but i suffer from depression turned bipolar disorder and for most of the time i lack motivation even if i know something is important. Micro commitments work like a miracle too! Sometimes even enjoying my hobbies is a challenge... But when i tell myself "alright im gonna read for five minutes" or "im just gonna draw a quick sketch and not do any lineart/coloring" is a leverage enough to trick my brain into getting things done! Definitely better than "ooooh im gonna SIT DOWN and draw 10 STUDIES OF HUMAN FIGURE and not stop until I FINISH THEM". Because i wont. I just wont. But the tricks you mentioned help out with the never ending guilt. They help a lot actually. Thank you for presenting them along with methods i had not encountered before, you're doing gods work for nd people and those who seek to understand them ❤️