Narcissist's Grievances vs. Real Victim's Complaints
2024 ж. 1 Мам.
19 178 Рет қаралды
The narcissist’s victimhood grievances have to do with appearances: a damaged reputation, deteriorating looks, time wasted, money lost, declining status, or mourned past possessions.
A real victim’s grievances have to do with essence: hurt emotions, negative affects, shattered inner peace, absented sense of safety, inability to trust again, loss of personal identity, broken dreams and promises.
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My ex would walk the old lady across the street NOT to help the old lady, but so that other people would see him doing it and say,"What a good guy!" . All appearances, no true feelings. Thank you, Dr. Vaknin!
A real victim "works" itself to repair its destroyed life. A Narc wants other people to do this work for him.
The heaviest loss I experienced was loss of confidence in my self. I stopped seeing myself as a worthy person
I remember during a heated argument with my ex- narcissist, I had a light-bulb moment and told him that he had "no substance" which derailed him from the argument and left him deflated and speechless for hours afterwards and gave me some peace. So I feel immensely validated to hear Professor Vaknin use the same words, "no substance" to describe the internal life of a narcissist.
One of the most hurtful things my ex did was to slander me. She carried out a vast smear campaign against me and greatly damaged my reputation and credibility. Most of what she did was directly damaging to my stability, esteem, and peace of mind. Three years after the breakup, I still have profound anxiety.
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!! For more than a year I've been wondering "Am I the narcissist?" You have validated my grievances. Thank you, thank you!! Now maybe I can move on and put the past behind me.
I really have to say Thank you so much Sam for validating my feelings. I am trying to wade through reclaiming myself after 4yrs with a covert malignant narcissist. He knew everything about me. I was questioned in the dock most days like you've said before it was like police interrogation delving into my mind and scrambling it emotionally in order to manipulate me over and over to make me stay in a shared fantasy. Coming from a narcissistic family mum, dad, and sister, I was led to believe all my life I was a bad selfish person and too emotional, I believed them. I'm still trying to undo this, by trying to reclaim my mind, as I have been in denial about being victimised. It's like I feel numb after allowing them all to brainwash me into thinking they were the victims. They were all materialistic, selfish, cold, and unloving, whilst I spent hours in my bedroom as a kid journalling my feelings. I've recently stopped writing because I've felt so dead inside and too tired, but I realise the last round with my ex really took it out of me. So from today after watching your video the real work begins.
When I was 27, I wrote a song.
Well played, Dear Sir ! I myself am trying to gain MYSELF back.... Status and money replaceable, so thats easy. Its the Scars from where my Soul was ripped and left bledding I still have to deal with. But they are scars now, and I have the Education now to process and heal as much as I can.
Yes, but… I have known a narcissist all my life and I can’t see one external event in his childhood that could be interpreted as trauma. His only trauma I can verify is being born - he seems ti be aggrieved at being brought into this world as is clawing away in revenge at the tragedy of this,
Absolutely true, yet again.
Glad I watched this. I have a split personality. I’m a true victim and I’m also a narcissist. It’s a real head f**k.
My flying monkey (weaker narcissist?) mom every time I made noise: "OMG What are the neighbors going to think?!!"
Just watched Series RIPLEY.
Spot on.... again!!
This is what I’ve been wondering, are they a real person inside. They copy me and others.
Thank you, prof.
One of your best videos! I have been hurt greatly by people who with hindsight I now recognise as narcissists, not least thanks to your videos. But I take comfort from the fact that I am someone who is capable of being hurt, who is a real person inside.
Thank you. Your description helped clarify things for me. I've been told I was mentally ill, broken, and unloveable for so long (my whole life). I've worked really hard to better myself, and it was never enough. He's always accused me of being the one with anger issues, and more recently abuse, and of course I am not perfect. I think there's still this fairly substantial part of myself that believes that if I just didn't internalize all that invalidation, if I didn't let it get to me, I could have managed a useful friendship; someone with which to barter help, valuable career advancement, and handyman services from. I just can't stomach paying the price of being devalued, treated as though I'm not fit to meet his other friends, and always blamed for my misfortunes and any problems in our relationship, in exchange for his help at a time/place/method of his choosing. I'm starting to see that there's not anything more wrong with me than anyone else, and nothing wrong with wanting more from my friendships/relationships.
Powerful for me. Thank you, sir!