#192
Millennial and Gen Z women are officially dealing with the fallout of having been lied to their entire lives about what’s most important in life and what will make them happy. And the saddest part is that their current circumstances were entirely preventable.
In this week's episode of The Suzanne Venker Show, Suzanne tells women what no one else will, such as:
Whom you marry, and how that marriage fares, will be the most important factor in your future well-being
When you hit 30, your nesting instinct will take over, and career success will cease to be the most important thing in your life
You will not be fulfilled by the same things a man will be
You will hate being the breadwinner when you’re married because your motives for working are different from a man’s
Biology plays a huge role when you’re married. The only way to experience lasting love is to dump the concept of equality you've been sold
LINK:
www.foxnews.com/media/woman-3...
MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
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I remember everyone telling me “you’re too young to be a mom” I felt guilty I wanted to have a family at a young age. Now I’m happy I had.
It really depends on the community you're in. In the religious Jewish community, you start dating right out of highschool and if you're not married by 23 people start to wonder why no one wants you. If you're married and haven't had a child in the first 2 years, people start to wonder and ask about your fertility. It all depends.
It's the way it should be. It's a natural desire. But you live in degenerate times and thus, doing right seems weird to people now. Bless ya.
@@SartorialisticSavage65 Basically.
I’m glad you made the right choice🙏🏻
I think it is refreshingly normal and natural to have a family at a young age. This is the way families were for centuries. Our society is anti-family, anti-women, and anti-children, but it didn't stop you. It's far better to have children during your prime fertility years than waiting a long time and incurring a lot of health risks in the process. Congratulations!
As a dude, what I find fascinating is how immediately apparent that men and women are different. Men honestly don't care about "what makes us happy", as our emotional state has absolutely nothing to do with how we are living. Our goal in life isn't to be "happy", its to have a purpose that fulfills our life. If we have lived a fullfilling life, that alone is enough. When I hear women talk about how they were "content" in their marriage but "not happy", that perplexes me to no end. I would love if the ultimate end of our marriage was contentment. Happiness to me is a temporary emotion and if you are happy today you could just as easily be angry or sad tomorrow.
That's a very, very interesting comment. It certainly is crucial to me to have something purposeful to do, something to try and achieve. Also, getting busy is a way of dealing with sadness. But I do put great emphasis on whether I'm happy or not - perhaps after a slightly messed-up childhood. That men & women are in general different psychologically is one of those things that seems totally obvious, yet some people fervently deny: feminists used to say it was "just because of social conditioning", though what evidence they had for this sweeping statement about human psychology is anyone's guess. It's what they *wanted* to believe. Feminists have now, of course, argued themselves into a corner. If we are just shaped by social conditioning, then the whole trans phenomenon is impossible, yet feminists argue forcibly that men CAN'T be (or feel like) a woman, regardless of any social influences... In other words they didn't really believe what they said. Again
Wise words indeed. I was never a feminist but I was drawn to the life of a spiritual ascetic from a young age. Even though I did marry, knowing the difference between happiness and contentment kept me sane.
@@SuperBartlesI mean there are exceptions but generally speaking it is societies conditioning and that does leave a mark on our biology over time
@@gazthejaz8910 If you look at most sub-species of the apes (& many, many other species tbh) the males and females behave differently & take on different roles. Add to that the differences in brain structure/hormones between men/women, & the persistence of behaviours (even when people try to train men & women to be the same), then we have a strong argument for gender differences in psychology. Further thoughts: Some species have alpha males with numerous partners, some (I think albatrosses & some other birds) pair bond for life. With 1 or 2 types of monkey, the male looks after the children. I wonder how much these roles _can_ be "social conditioning" in species that don't have language. Certainly they can watch their elders, and identify as one or the other. I'd say hormones etc play a strong part: the roles give meaning to how our brains are already wired, rather than acting on a blank slate Sorry about the essay
I'm 60, been married 36 yrs. My Mom told me to get a career so not dependent on a man. She was married 4 times. Thankful found my husband at 22, married at 24. My Grandma always said if you wait to afford children you never will have them.
I had a friend who was married 10 years. She kept saying both her and her husband were both spend thrifts and couldn't afford to have a child. They both worked though, and I always told her, you'll find the money somewhere. We drifted out of touch for years and she got in touch w/ me out of the blue to show off her daughter. She said, you were right Jeanne, we found the money. She also said she felt her life didn't feel like it started until she had her daughter.
Interesting in the difference of generations. Sounds like you Mom was a baby boomer and maybe your Grand mother lived through the depression.
Grandma was right
💯
@@michaelsix9684 Grandma's have the wisdom and life experience. They've seen so much and it's better to listen, because they know what we don't.
That nesting instinct hit me at 26 and I freaked out. Was living alone, working a lot and dating someone who wasn't all too serious about the future. I became a Christian that year and luckily I was able to get married at 28. But it took a while to build a life and find a house. Had my first child at 32 (best decision of my life and the greatest joy I've ever had) and about to have my second child in a few weeks at 35. Desperate to try and have a third by age 40 and honestly I am praying for twins! 😅 In a perfect world if I could go back and change things I would start searching for the most godly man I could find in my early 20's and start having kids by at least 25. Everyone told me to wait to have kids because I would never get my life back. I now feel like my life didn't start until I had my child, I truly love being a mother. It's sooo much more fulfilling than all the years I wasted living for myself. I was mostly just blowing money on stuff I didn't need, watching TV, wasting time with boys and generally just spending my time idly. I feel so much purpose now and whenever I hear a younger woman talking about how a child would ruin her life I definitely try to challenge that notion, I so wish someone had challenged me. Not everyone has to have children but I am speaking in generalities and generally speaking I believe most women will want children.
So many friends had kids at 40, 42. Have 2 or 3 more kids lots of women do.
so many young women need to hear your story, glad your life is fulfilling with a family
Unfortunately for many women on your path when the late 30's and 40's come, even into the 60's, the issue returns. Female friends keep saying you can do better and you get bored being a wife/mother and you divorce to look for that better life, better man. Young men are watching that unfold. It's common. Or if no divorce the husband is treated horrible but is trapped and must endure. And/or no sex. 33% of marriages are sexless which means new marriages likely still have sex so the percentage after 5-10 years is much higher, like 50%. For many women no sex isn't that big a problem, but it's huge for men. Plus women can have an affair any time they want, but it's hard for a man to cheat. So young men seeing that are really opting out of marriage and especially having kids. Having kids in a divorce is literally a risk to a man's life, 9x more likely to end their life. Opting out is the smart move for men. That leaves not very desirable men willing to marry and have kids. That's another factor to females becoming unhappy and divorcing later. It's the next lie which is that you will be, should be happy, being a mother. It's a duty, not a vacation. That reality shock normally leads to divorce.
@@MrWaterbugdesign I believe most women are like the above poster who said, "...Had my first child at 32 (best decision of my life and the greatest joy I've ever had) and about to have my second child in a few weeks at 35. Desperate to try and have a third by age 40 and honestly I am praying for twins! 😅 In a perfect world if I could go back and change things I would start searching for the most godly man I could find in my early 20's and start having kids by at least 25. Everyone told me to wait to have kids because I would never get my life back. I now feel like my life didn't start until I had my child, I truly love being a mother. It's sooo much more fulfilling than all the years I wasted living for myself."
There are very rich people at the world economic forum that have think tanks filled with psychologists whos job it is to manipulate women into ignoring their instincts until its too late. These super rich people see life as a zero sum game where the more people there are the less they can have and they want everything. For men they are being told their masculine instincts are toxic; that they need to get in touch with their feminine side; their feelings. What woman wants a man that cries more then she does
I don’t think I could’ve nodded my head any harder when she said who you marry, is THE single most important decision of your life. I married a very broken man, who was very angry. Who was also an alcoholic. It single-handedly ruined my entire life. I did have a wonderful daughter with this person, and I would never take that back. However, I am now a single mother at age 35, having to start my life completely over because I married someone who is very immature and not ready to have a family. For the love of Pete ladies, keep your legs closed and choose your husband wisely.
@@PeterNolan-009who is WE? Because what I see is it is other MEN who are spouting that hurtful information.
@@PeterNolan-009clearly you are NOT a good man, otherwise you wouldn’t be attacking a woman in the comment section of a KZhead video. Reality check.
@@PeterNolan-009why are you projecting your problems onto her ? Alcoholism ruins relationships, why are you ignoring that fact?
didn't your ex give off red flags before you married him?
Me too. Ignore the nasty replies. God gave us our children and they are the fools.
When my daughter started her career in her late 20's, I often would pick her up outside her trendy apartment to come home for a visit. While waiting, I often saw quite a number of "40 something"women from her building walking their tiny dogs in strollers. They didn't look too happy and I guessed the dogs were a substitution for the children they now couldn't have. It was sad. I discussed this with my daughter. Fortunately, she is now happily married with baby #2 on the way.
Those women probably already had children who are GONE and all they have now are little dogs to mother becasue they did not take the time to build careers.. LOL. Way to project. Kids grow up and go away, and this world is not big on hiring 40-50 something year old women looking to finally start over in mass. Your kids are not guaranteed to stay in town or to have children so you can't count on moving into a grandma phase, You husband is probably not interested in cutting back on his career to spend more time with you, so there is a lot to think about when you make any choice, they all have consequences...
Walking tiny dogs in strollers is odd behavior - I don't think you're the one projecting!
@@roca967 Small dogs have short legs and can have a hard time walking long distances if you are taking them with you while getting exercise and fresh air.
I see lots of women take animals and make them pseudo children, very sad
@@r.walker79864 women in my family have little dogs they call their babies, dress them up and walk them in strollers. There is a subset of younger women who do do this to fill the void of not having an actual child. In those cases it is sad, but true enough that it isn’t always the case. Some people just really like dogs 🤷♀️
Four of my best friends from high school are 38 and all unmarried and childless today. I’m married and expecting my second child. As I reflect on what made my outcome different I realize it was mainly that I became a Christian at age 22 and adopted Christian traditional values. My four friends are still atheists today and mostly base their worldviews on the feminist ideology. I read an article in a parenting magazine recently that said: “It’s easy to make your marriage equal before kids but once you become parents everything gets messed up. You will struggle to split the household duties equally and the mother always ends up doing more with the baby.“ Feminist women get very frustrated once biological differences become clear after a couple becomes parents. The more my husband and I have moved towards embracing traditional gender roles the less conflict and stress we have on a weekly basis. It has been a long process for me to abandon all the feminist ideas I grew up with but my marriage has greatly benefited from my willingness to change. I was not very traditional from the start. 😂.
Yet youve surrounded yourself with these women....
You're seeing XY's comment up there, so... you know something you're still going to discover: it's not enough, especially when your youth starts to fade away. Men are extremely carnal, even those who call themselves Christians, and that is why the Holy Spirit says it is better not to get married, I have been married for over 25 years and have children in college, my husband is “a good man”, But if I could go back in time I wouldn't have gotten married. I would have dedicated my life to Christ.
Great job in seeing the difference between your friends and their choices and your own. I'm married 31 years to my high school sweetheart. I finished college, taught school for several years, and then we started a family. We have very traditional roles, and we're happy. Not perfect, but happy and continually growing into more mature, selfless people. Philippians 2:1-11
@@os_filhos_da_maeyou can always even now consecrate yourself to the Lord and join an Order for widowed or divorced women whose chickened are grown. There are different stages in life, and many men and women have turned to religious life after raising their families.
@@professionalpookie Oh please....you went immediately deaf to the fact that she has turned her life around DESPITE having friends that have a more feminist mindset. YES she can be friends with them still.
If you're going to stay home, you are not going to be able to spend like you have two incomes. This may be obvious, but it's amazing how many don't want to change their lifestyle/spending habits.
I can’t remember the last time I was able to afford a haircut, decent clothes, or even the ability to go out to eat. We don’t vacation. We still have to choose between which bills to pay every month. A lot of Mom‘s work to put food on the table. Sometimes living freely is not enough. It’s certainly not enough for us although I don’t work at the moment.
That’s why it’s important to marry young and never get into the habit of spending. Have kids and save money together.
I love my daughter more than I have the ability to describe. I watched her morph during her time in college into a young women who I can barely relate to, and it breaks my heart. She has bought into these lies to the extent that nothing I say to her as a father holds any credibility. In this video you have so much of what I want to say that I plan on forwarding your message to her. I pray that she is open enough to listen and possibly set off in a new direction that provides the possibility of fulfillment. She is almost 24 ,works in a profession that is important and benefits society, and yet by all indications is depressed, anxious, and lonely. Thank you for this video. Whether my daughter is impacted by your message or not cannot detract from the importance of what you are doing. You are endeavoring to make a difference and correct a horrible wrong to our young women. Bless you. Sincerely, A Concerned Father
all you can do is be there to listen, and remind her 30 comes real fast, ask her what outcome she wants in her future
You are a terrible father for allowing her to go to college. It’s 100% on you.
@@michaelsix9684no! What he should do is disown her!
@@user-ld6wo4rv8hI wouldn't go as far as to say terrible. But yes, blame is to be had. We must protect our children from ideologies.
@@gonnacry4513 As a father, I would 100% NOT FUND IN ANY WAY a daughter's college education. If she INSISTS on going on her own accord, she can pay 100% for it and I will still be adamantly opposed to it, going as far as to disown her if she starts dying her hair blue, getting tattoos, and piercings. Sometimes the only way we can protect our children is via consequences.
I remember as a child watching “That Girl”, “Rhoda”, and “Mary Tyler Moore”. I wanted that same life. Thankfully my parents were my biggest inspiration and influence on me. After college I did move to a big city, got an apartment, a career, etc., But God had other plans for me. My husband lived across the street from me. We met and 5 months later we were engaged. Less than a year later we were married. That was 28 years ago. I knew what I wanted in a husband but didn’t know if I would ever find a guy I envisioned myself with. By the grace of God I did. Never put my kids in daycare. I stayed home and raised them
Now what?
A broken clock is right twice in a day.
Mary Tyler Moore and other 70s Tv shows made the life of single women glamourous, Sex and the City pushed that meme even more, it's a fantasy, and a generation or more of young women bought into that nonsense, it led many to loneliness and unhappy lives
@@michaelsix9684 Women have always been lonely and unhappy, they just no longer feel compelled to hid it. i can assure you the reason for feminism was the fact that women were not happy being stuck in the kitchen, and having the freedom to go out, see the world, and not be tied down to domestic chores and responsibilities is waay more glamorous than being tied down to some lower middle-class man you are not attracted to packing lunches for him to go work on the assembly line all day then come home to melt into the couch while you are carpooling, laundering, mopping, sweeping, making beds, cooking, scheduling appointments, disciplining, nurturing, sexing with no orgasms, etc..
When I turned 30 I panicked but the men in my environment had different values and priorities that I could not compromise. Most didn't want to marry or have children, but party all night after work, go on expensive vacations to Europe, or worse, play the pauper. Just not my thing. In the back of my mind, it was my number one priority to find my husband. I finally found him across the country at age 35. Got married, and had one child right away. Had I been younger I would have had more. 30 years later still going strong. I agree, if women want a husband they have to make it their number one priority. After I decided, it took me several years.
Would your advice to young ladies be, don't choose to wait until you're 30 and don't choose to surround yourself with men or people in general who don't share your values? Because no one can make you do these things but you.
Play the pauper what the heck is that
@@tomstulc9143 living off of women?
@@kathleenking47 ok,! Thanks, got it.Hypergamy. Women freeloading off men👖
@@tomstulc9143 women, shouldn't freeloading over men. At one time, men wanted to care for women I wonder if excessive tattooing changed it
5 biggest decisions of adult life are: where you live, who you marry and when, career you pick, managing all your resources, spirituality -- may or may not be religion -- no one teaches young people how to prepare for these decisions
They teach us to focus on school. To pass the classes. They don’t teach us how to form relationships and boundaries and mental health. So many things we are left to find out on our own . More so if you had abusive parents who really didn’t want you to succeed because of the evilness in their hearts. School and school.
@@Youareheretoo My guess is those parents were already corrupted. They couldn't even teach by example!
@@lizzi437 role modeling is the best way for kids to learn, without it, so many kids are lost or ruined
I was lied to by my family. My mother, who herself married after 3 months of dating at 23, and my aunt, who is married twice and very religious. My mother never wanted me to focus on men or helping find anyone and my aunt convinced me to never want children. I’m 35 now with one daughter but I feel robbed of having a better life full of children when I was in my 20’s. It’s harder to take care of babies at this age. I also chose a bad husband. But my family likes him because he makes decent money. I wanted to be married so badly early and they told me I was thinking wrong. It really hurts because my daughter gives me the most joy I’ve ever had in my life. I hate that they projected their regrets into me the way they did.
Yeah, you're thinking wrong yet they did the opposite to you. Shame your own mother and aunt sold you out for their feminist ideology that at least one of them wasn't living.
lots of us were lied to, it's in your past, focus on doing your best with what you have now -- your family esp. your daughter
I’m curious, were you pressured to marry so young, and so quickly, due to religious expectations?
@@j.w.31 No, she was pressured to do the opposite and is regretting it. Women who marry young and are religious actually have the highest happiness ratings compared to all other couple pairings.
@@kc6810It's only high among those with high notch counts. You can check out the counterintuitive trends among marital and pre-marital relations to see how it tracks between those with a notch count who marry versus those who do not have one. The ones with a notch count cannot stay married.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard parents tell daughters they have to be completely self sufficient before they should even consider getting married
Because no one in your world ever gets divorced? Or marries what turns out to be an abuser? Get real.
The literally teach them to distrust men and their future husbands. Another word for trust is faith. The literally teach their daughters to be unfaithful vvh0res.
@@nickcharles1284 You make it sound like people can depend on their jobs for security. That's the most moronic thing that people have become BRAINWASHED into believing. Ask anyone working if they feel financially *secure*. Stop perpetuating capitalist dogma.
Women can always get work after divorce, regardless of qualifications. No need to invest time and effort into a career. @@nickcharles1284
There’s no such thing as an independent woman.
I was vilified in high school back in the early 80's when in a class that encouraged free form debate and reports, meaning the teacher would approve a topic, you did a report and then had to defend it in class. My report was that women would be miserable getting careers and that if money was not an issue, the vast majority of women would rather stay home and have families. Girls and simps threw things at me in the halls and the verbal attacks were non-stop. Now all of which I took with a measure of pride because I enjoyed stirring the pot. But here we are, decades later, and it seems I was right. Just like many of the girls I went to HS with are now divorced several times, have no children and are miserable. But ladies, unless the divorce laws are changed, men will just not want to get married.
young people are not taught how to pick partners or how to make a marriage work, many were raised by single parents esp. girls, they don't get role modeling to be a wife or parent, not surprised to see many get divorced and end up miserable and alone
It's strange that men act as if they're doing us a favor by marrying us when we are the ones serving them for the rest of their lives. They should be begging us! Well, the 4B movement is finally putting things straight. Women deciding to go through life solo, free, and happy
@@utaburke5423 So much delusion, so little time to explain. Its a myth that wives serve their husbands. Most, and I mean the vast majority of the men I know who are married can't think of a thing their wives do that isn't for themselves. The 4B thing is a myth created by wishful thinking western women that S Korean women have never heard of. Like most things that women believe are true, its just fantasy. If women are so happy, why are well over half on mind altering pharmaceuticals and comprise the overwhelming majority of persons that seek psychological help? If women are so self sufficient, why are they responsible for 80% of non mortgage debt? The simple fact is that marriage for men is a scam. Well over half end in divorce and women file between 70% and 90% of the time depending on area and if she is college educated. Then she is rewarded with the lions share of the assets even though she spent the most during the marriage. Another myth is that married men live longest. The fact is that never married men live the longest, with married next and divorced men last, primarily because they are financially ruined and if there are children, turned in a wage slave, often without having access to his own children and self delete. Add to this, according to the DNA companies, roughly 2.9% of children have the wrong idea who their father really is. Let's talk about how crappy single mothers really are. OVER half the prison population come from single mother households. But the stats for single father and two parent households are about the same. There was a reason that dowry's were a thing. Because women cost money and men had to be paid to take them off the hands of their fathers. Enjoy your cats
I’m glad I wasn’t told such lies. Married at 19 and kids came immediately. That was 19 years ago. Maybe I lived under a rock but was never told I needed a career to be happy.
You're very blessed.
Praise God for that rock and share it!
Much of the pressure on women to have a career comes from media. If you have wisely, limited your television, movies, social media, news, etc. then that could be why you never felt the pressure! Either way, sounds like a major blessing to me!
I did what you did. I did my husband's share of the childcare and housekeeping, to allow him to spend all his time in the workforce, gaining skills, experience and seniority. I did so on the understanding that he would share his income with me for the rest of his life. We had an agreement to that effect, signed before a church full of witnesses. My husband was legally entitled to break down our marriage, on no grounds at all, and take his improved income to share with another woman who had a career instead of children. I was faced with the need to get into the workforce as a beginner at the age of 42.
Which country are you from?
I've been a stay at home mom and worked part time on and off both from home and away from home while my husband was with my girls. Now that they are both in school I am trying to transition into something where I still am not away from them unless my husband is there. My older daughter doesn't seem to respect me much because her friends' moms work. She told me that I need to get goals. I felt very sad to hear this after I have given up so much to be home. I hope it is just because she is a teen and will come around someday. I still don't regret being home.
so hurtful 💔
My mom is a career woman (I am 32 though and she is about to retire from a high-up corporate job) and my only wish for my childhood was that my mom was around more. She did so much at her job to support us though--both my parents did--but I wish I had more time with my parents instead of them working so much just to have a big house and put us in daycare.
Why is taking care of a family not a goal?
Don't let her comments get to you! Youve done a great thing for your family. Maybe it could be a teaching moment for her to explain the differences between moms and dads - Point your daughter the the significance of keeping your family healthy with nutrition, the many needs of small children, which parent is in charge of finances or lining up medical visits or the "nurse at home" when someone is sick, or cooking meals, grocery shopping, cleaning, all the things having to do with school and extra curriculas,etc etc etc. So many things you're likely in charge of that she doesn't see at all because it makes your family run smoothly! Explain to her as Suzanne so brilliantly puts it "life is all about trade-offs". You don't know what that other mom is having to trade-off. Those are all things I wish my mom had explained to me growing up. ❤ Blessings to you as you're in the teen kids season!
You’re going to put yourself out of business with these videos. 😆
I can confirm as a 34-year-old new mom to an almost 13-month-old that I was lied to. My mom worked outside the home and I remember friends who had moms who were at home after school and I was so jealous. That’s one reason I wanted to stay home once I became a mom. I was totally unprepared for how to find a good husband, so it took me awhile to meet him and get married. I’d love to hear what we can do in raising our sons & daughters to prevent this from happening to them.
Me too.
34 for is not late what so ever , and for some people it works out better for them to wait. Some things also just take longer than we had hoped as well.
@@eliciaeldridge3452 It feels late based on the timeline I had in mind in my early 20s, and now that I’m here, I feel old just in the day to day for what it takes to be with one baby/toddler all day. Perhaps the second part has more to do with my lack of focus on nutrition and fitness.
The best start you can give them is an intact two parent household. You can't control the culture but you can parent and prepare your kids.
This is why arranged marriage is so important. You women have to marry young in order to be successful with a man and a family. The paradox is that you, in youth, are too naive to choose a man wisely. Then, add in the emotional chaos "love" brings, and you are completely incapable of choosing a mate based on reasonable metrics. Let's bring back arranged marriage.
Great message from Suzanne! When I was living in Thailand, single and in my mid 20's, I went to a restaurant by myself. There was a poster on the wall listing things on how to be happy. The number one thing said: to choose your spouse wisely because this will determine a lot of your happiness, if not all. For me personally, my number one is having a relationship with God, but choosing a spouse wisely is definitely a close second. 😊
You have your priorities in the CORRECT order. Well done!
Love this. Everything you said has been what I have come to realize over the past few years. I’m 33 single no kids. I desire marriage and a family and always thought if I worked on getting me together then the right man would come along. Unfortunately at 33 I focused on the wrong things. I have put little to no energy into doing things that would make me highly desirable by men but rather focused on my career and other things that I personally find valuable but a man will not really care about. 6 months ago I decided that my priority needs to be to find a husband. So getting into the habit of cooking everyday is a must, spending money on my appearance is a must, getting out the house and going to places where a man can actually find me is a must. I have also switched up what I post on social media and what phots I post. Of course I still go out and party with friends and find purpose and value in myself bc of my career but I’ve not been posting that kind of content bc I don’t want a man to see that as a turn off. Instead I post pictures of me dressed very modestly and activities of me with my nieces and family. I want to be seen as someone who is a potential wife and mother. I even had to change my perspective on my weight. Thinking about why I’m single I had to accept that men are attracted to appearance first. The mentality that he need to accept me for me may be hurting my chances at love. I get compliments on my appearance all the time but it is only by women. I think if I was smaller i would get more attention from men. Of course I still believe that it should not matter but reality is we all judge ppl based on looks so I need to accept that my weigh may be a hindrance. So this year above all else I am losing weight, looking fabulous when I go out, being friendly and flirty and hopefully finding my man.
God bless you in your search for a wonderful man!! 🙏
@@PeterNolan-009 obvious loser
@@PeterNolan-009 Bro...she's trying not to be that kind of woman. At some point you have stop being so cynical and let people be human, and let them realize where they need to change. And then let them do it. She is doing exactly that, given what she said. Radical life changes aren't accomplished in a day.
Stay the course. It's not always easy and sometimes it's discouraging and lonely, but regardless where your destiny is, you're going down the right path. That's why it's called the straight and narrow, because it's not always easy, sometimes it's lonely, but it is the right path.
Good for you! You have figured out what you want & I know you will get it!!
After listening to you, I get that the nesting instinct kicked in for me 7 years back when I turned 30. I quit a glowing corporate job and spent the last 6 years feeling unfulfilled being a stay at home wife and then mother. I started a youtube channel that was taking me in the direction of thinking of my kids as distractions, just like a corporate job would. I was afraid of 'sitting on my potential'. I have only now entered my era of being a true stay at home mom and am so much more engaged with my kids/home. Work from home jobs are a fascinating beast to manage - they work for some but for me it wasn't worth it because even though physically I was at home, mentally I wasn't. Maybe in another season of my life I ll take up my channel work again because thats what feminine energy is all about - fluidity, flexibility and being present where you are.
If it weren't for this pesky feminism you wouldn't have been able to try these different things to really learn to appreciate and know what you really want. Having a verity of experiences can make you a stronger and more well rounded person.
@@PeterNolan-009 men don’t have enough money to afford babies earlier. What do you want young men and young woman together homeless with a baby? How many under 30 own their homes? How many young men actually earn enough to pay the bills plus healthcare for the family?
@@sarcodonblue2876that’s actually not true. Women have historically been able to try and explore many avenues of life, moreso than, who have had to more single-mindedly focus on being by good providers. If you look at sociological data in midieval/pre-industrial revolution Europe, or even back to Roman empires days, you find a ton of evidence of women being able to have and hold flexible careers as traders, merchants, artisans, and religious sisters, all while being able to navigate motherhood and marriage (if they chose it). This was mostly prevalent only in Christian communities, which offered women a dignity and freedom unheard of in the rest of the world (and that is still true today). These things are not attributable to “feminism,” but rather to Christianity.
@@Youareheretoomen tend to be motivated by circumstances rather than potentials. Meaning that once they are married and the baby arrives, THEN they work harder and smarter, and earn more. And frankly there are statistically almost zero instances of a married couple with children being homeless, regardless of age. The data from numerous family studies confirm this-finish high school, get married, and have a basic full time job, and you’re practically guaranteed to not experience poverty. Having children doesn’t change that. On the contrary, more children has been shown to equal higher income and earning potential for men.
@@Seliz463 you clearly haven’t been to women shelters or family shelters or seen the families that are living in hotels because of rent
So true. Trying to “have it all” comes with sacrifices that can’t be easily walked back
This is AWESOME, solid advice for our daughters! Thank you for doing this show.
Thank you for spreading this message to young women. I took that college and career path, struggled with fertility in my 30s, finally had a baby at 35, and quickly made the shift to living poor and staying home. My MIL who has money to spread around, does not give any to us because I work seasonally and part time. she gives her money to her other kid that choose her career, and did not have a baby. One would think that a woman in her seventies would value the work done by a mom at home, but she does not.
As a man thank you Suzanne. A lot of men have been adversely impacted by the culture and parents passing that advice on to their daughters.
Yes yes yes to everything you’ve said. I’m 33 and having my first baby. I got out of the corporate world a little late, but I’m so glad it’s not too late for me. Wishing happiness and fulfillment to all the women out there!
My husband is the one who applies all the guilt that im not working while i raise all 4 of our kids, clean the house, care for our pets, cook, grocery shop, school drop off and pick up and doing homeschooling with my 4 year old and potty training a 2 year old. If i leave for the house for 2 hours, i return to chaos, huge messes, and crying toddlers. While my husband is sitting on his phone like nothing is going on
You should leave for a week and give him a dose of reality!
If he can't bother to parent after work why is he expecting you to? This was a conversation to have before 4 kids came along though. Honestly, put the numbers on paper-calculate for the lack of income while kids are sick 1-2x a month and it rotates among all 4 of them.
Working full time 40 hours per week is significantly more work than taking care of kids and a house. There must be poor behavior management and poor time management if you think otherwise.
@@Awesome_Force You have got to be joking!
@@gardyloo3093 Cleaning 2 bathrooms = 1hr. Sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming =1hr. Dishes =1hr. Laundry = 2 to 4 hrs. But it can be done while doing other stuff because most of the time the machine is doing the work. Cooking dinner takes 15 minutes to an hour depending on the meal. Dusting and cleaning mirrors and door handles takes 1hr or less. I was a custodian before and some of those are times for commercial rooms which take significantly more work than at home. There is only around 10 hours of work per week at home for a family. 14 if you count yark work.
Keep doing what you’re doing Ms Venker! I’m busy raising three beautiful children and am so thankful you are out there fighting the good fight so I can focus on my family!
It's so beautiful when they are little, but no one talks about what happens to the life of the woman and the couple after the children go to college. Children grow up, don't forget to have your own life. Your future self will thank you. I'm not a feminist. I'm a Christian, married to my first boyfriend for a quarter of a century, with kids in college. The Proverbs 31 woman had some businesses of her own and today I then by God wrote this.
These poor men and women have no idea what they’re missing. Creating your own family and raising kids is the single most important part of our life. You just don’t know until you know. My husband and I never tried to prevent children, but never became pregnant. When I was in my late 30s I had come to terms with the idea I would not be a mother. I felt neutral about the idea. . . At 39, I got pregnant. We have a 3 year old now. My regret at this stage in my life is this- I wish I could have more kids. I wish I hadn’t started so late. We are designed to have our babies young not old. I am forever grateful I was able to have the beautiful baby we have, but, I see very clearly how and why starting a family younger versus older is the smart way to do it.
Joan Of Arc enters the chat.
Yes, I started late too. IMO, it's better to have children younger, but I was sold you have to have a career then get married. I never had the career I thought I would have anyway.
@@user-qb8qm4mp5nMost people have jobs, not careers. The point was always to sell the idea that women could be doing so much more than catering to men and having *their* children. Funny though because many women end up with neither to career, children or the men and they're the ones that get the most vicious about doubling and tripling down the next generation. They sell the idea to young girls to be 304s is to be empowered to reduce sexual competition for the same men.
To be honest I don't have any intention to get married. Maybe I might get married when I find a compatible man. Also, to me financial independence is very important. In India most women are housewives and are abused financially.
Suzanne speaks truth. I am so glad i figured it out before age 30. I'm staying home with my children and i love it. It's going very fast!!
how did we get to this bizarre lifestyle where mothers drop their babies off at child daycare in the morning and pick them up at 6pm after work?
Because some people have bills to pay.
It is dangerous to abandon your career when you have children. You may never get into the workforce again. Remember that marriage no longer exists as a legally binding contract. The father of your child is entitled to abandon you at any time on no grounds at all.
@@maryolivertwistedsisterThen where will she be, when her husband abandons her when the children are grown? He will have improved his earning power, acquiring skills, experience and seniority in the workplace, and will be more attractive to other women.
@@chriswatson1698 There's a 70% chance that the wife will dump the husband. Also, guaranteed, if the husband dumps the wife, she gets the house and at least half his savings and retirement funds. For women, a marriage certificate is like investing in Apple.
@@Richard-or9rt Wrong. It is investing in another person's earning power at the expense of her own. The person who files for divorce is NOT the person who ends the marriage. It is the person who is first to violate the marital agreement. Divorce works well for those who can repartner easily: young childless women and rich men of any age.
Stay away from anyone who takes more than they give
When a woman grows up in a society that emphasizes she ignore her biological imperative, then by around 30, reality hits, and the script she planned to follow, does not work, she is left feeling lied to, miserable and alone. The career she thought she wanted is no longer fulfilling and then she is forced to settle with “Mr. Good enough.” As a man who passed over by these women too many times to count, I find it hard to have any mercy for them when they chose their future.
It hit me at 25.
@@skyspring7704I was 23, staying with my 50 year old unmarried aunt. I decided her lifestyle was not for me. Found my future husband 2 years later. Currently a happily married 59 year old mother of 5 and grandmother of 2. Homeschooling housewife with no career but my husband and children don’t care.
And of course many of them then just blame "men".
@@kc6810 Have you seen the Morgan Stanley report showing that they anticipate half of women to reach 40 single and childless within a decade or two? There are absolutely thousands of articles/tiktoks by 35+ women talking about how miserable they are and how useless they perceive their dating pool to be. Women can do whatever they like, but some of those choices have consequences. One of them being that partying your best years away then moaning that top guys don't want you in your decline, isn't very attractive to the men you want to partner up with. And men are biologically hardwired to be attracted to women in peak fertility (those guys would have historically had more offspring, therefore more represented in the gene pool), just as women are biologically hardwired to be attracted to tall, strong, high status providers.
@@fiveleavesleft6521 It's going to be a tsunami. I've been saying this for a long time from the male POV
30 plus women of today who are alone were raised by the girls I knew in college back in the 70 and 80s, in those years I saw few students dating, most college girls I met were not friendly or interested in any socializing, as SWM age 68 and never married, I quit dating at 46, too hard to find anyone who wasn't damaged, single mother, broke, or had issues of some kind, we only get to be young once and after that ends, you can end up alone for life, I've lived it, and it's not fun, marriage isn't for everyone and neither is parenting, but it's the normal course of life for most people, don't let social programming influence your decisions too much
What you're talking about in the 70s is still going on today. Even post-college, especially in these digital and atomized times. It's sad.
@@SartorialisticSavage65 it's probably even worse now, being young man looking for dates today with dating apps must be frustrating as hell
@@michaelsix9684 Oh it's definitely worse. I saw it get worse. In my days in high school you still had guys that struggled to date but I would say you had a way easier time and social media was in it's infancy. Pre-Tinder. No Instagram. I had quite a few girlfriends and flings in school. Buttttt NOW there's gonna be so many guys who NEVER get to experience teen love. It will be the dominant norm. It's so sad and pathetic. I hate feminism so much. It's done more to harm boys and men than will ever be accounted for since the 60s.
I'd agree with this if 95% of first marriages were successful and all kids in that marriage were mutually agreed upon and planned. She's saying the opposite of the career extreme opinion and it's no better. If you want a child, you have to be 100% in to being the only one caring for and financially supporting that child. That man/woman may leave or die. Marriage equals contract, not love, care and commitment. No marriage needed for those.
Such a good video! I married the right man. We're praying our daughters do the same and our son grows up to be a man worth marrying. 🙏 My husband and I are breaking generational curses/trauma/addictions, whatever you want to call them. It seems so counter-cultural, yet the proper way to healthy relationships. Praying for this next generation.
I am glad you’re making these videos. My wife and I have discussed these topics before and we’ve often discussed how different younger generations of women are. We married young and while my wife worked she mainly worked from home and took care of the boys. Now these women seem more interested in working and partying then wake up one day in their late 30s with no husband and children and no hope of finding a husband. It really is sad and I hope you have an impact. Edit: just for reference I’m 61, she’s 59 and we have been together for 40 years.
"while my wife worked she mainly worked from home and took care of the boys." Do you know how clueless you sound? Do you have an experience doing this? I am guessing 'no.' women are collectively saying 'no' or requiring their mates to do better than in the past.
They are partying hoping to meet Mr Right who will sweep them off their feet and take them out of that lifestyle. The problem is, no one explained to them that’s not how you’ll meet Mr Fight. And any man worth marrying will not want to marry a woman who is whoring and partying. No one has told these women the truth, from birth.
That was such a great video and so well said, THANK YOU. You are good.
Shalom & Greetings to you, Mrs. Venker. The cut, clarity, color and carat of your gems are simply marvelous when brought to the light. Yes, men are listening to gain more understanding, to add more muscle through the repetitions from your exercises. Personally, your fitness regimen is often much more beneficial than a bench press, because I love to look good inside, too. And in the vernacular of my people, "You go, girl."😉
I was with an alcoholic man for 10 years. I had a child with this man and he was not a father.. I was a single mother the entire time we were together. I left him and met the love of my life a few months later. I am now a stay at home mother raising my children correctly. Picking the correct man truly is the most important decision of your life.
Would you have called him the love of your life had you met him 10 years and one child ago? This story frustrates men to no end. You ladies waste your youth, fertility, and beauty on terrible people and expect a good man to swoop in and be the Forrest Gump you would’ve laughed at when it inevitably goes to pot. Be thankful you found one, because he is taking on far more burdens than most men will moving forward. Don’t screw it up.
sadly most girls are not taught how to do this by anyone
Thank u for sharing this !!!!!!
I'm so glad I'm hearing someone saying these words!!! Glad there is a voice of reason out there !
Thank you for the content you are putting out about being home with your children over a career. I am part of the Christian homeschooling community and I am surrounded by people affirming our choices as women to be home with our children, but I realize the world at large is not on board with this. We buy the lie that career matters most and that letting someone else raise our kids in daycare and school is better for them in the end. When our instincts says differently. I was just speaking with a mom of 2 about her astronomical daycare costs which will take half her take home pay every month. You have to ask yourself, at what point is it not worth it? Our children need us to be with them as their mothers. Thankfully for me, after being pushed to go into a BIG career, I met my husband at 16 almost 17 years old and it changed my entire perspective. We had a vision for our family and I planned to be a stay at home mom from that point and set out to make it happen... getting my husband through a doctorate program and having two of our children while he was in school.
Well done! Homeschool mom of three myself. I feel like I live in a bubble, and I'm grateful. I don't need validation from the world because the fruit of its values are clearly rotten, and God's Word is true. Bless you!
@heatherwoods5703 Nice to meet another Christian homeschooling mom on here! I have been homeschooling for 16 years, and I am so thankful to be able to do it. God has been so good to us in our life as Christians. He didn't save me until I had two kids, and it took me a bit to come around to the idea of homeschooling especially because I have a chronic pain condition. It has been hard at times but ultimately such a blessing in our lives. We started in order to teach the Truth in God's Word to our kids. I pray that this freedom continues in our country.
Nobody says that career matters most though, LOL... People want their kids to have as many opportunities as possible and reach their full potential so they allow TRAINED PROFESSIONALS to teach them to prepare them for whatever choices they will make one day that will lead them towards whatever a fulfilling life will look like to them becasue people are individuals and what is right for one person is not right for another...
@r.walker7986 I am a trained professional giving my children every opportunity to learn and grow and make choices for their own fulfilling lives as adults. I am preparing my girls to have a career while also not incurring a mountain of student loan debt and be able to stay home with their children too if the Lord should grant them.
@r.walker7986 one of the lies is that you can hand off your kids to the lowest bidder while you go work outside the home to "be fulfilled" and "provide opportunities." Another lie is that we can't learn apart from "TRAINED PROFESSIONALS." Credentialism is stupid. Yes, expertise is necessary for certain things. We also live in the Information Age, and everyone has access to most of the latest information and history to the beginning of time. Our kids need US. PRESENT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. The kind of well-adjusted humans this planet needs AREN'T being produced by shopping them off to the "experts." And, as a former public school teacher, I can assure you, 99% of them AREN'T EXPERTS. They're blandly trained to function in a broken system that creates broken kids who grow up to be broken adults. They can't think, they can only parrot the junk they heard. Read John Taylor Gatto's book, "Underground History of American Education." Frankly, the education system isn't broken; it functions exactly as it was created to do. 😬😔
Wow I love your channel. Straight talk on important topics.
Truth. Thank you for being brave enough to speak it x
I remember my 20s as being very confusing years for me as I never had any interest in building a career but didn't yet consider having children either. It was as if I was just lost without any purpose. At 30 I found myself pregnant but single and becoming a mom was the best thing I ever did, even if the circumstances weren't ideal. That is when I found any sort of purpose in life, and had I known that, boy would I have made some different choices, and I probably wouldn't have felt so lost in my early adult life.
The thumbnail already tells me she’s spitting FACTS in this video! Lol
Hi Suzanne! Thank you so much for this video. This was so helpful. ❤❤❤😊
Thank you for saying the hard things people don't want to hear! I was fortunate that despite all the messaging around me, I had strong women in my family telling me what really matters long term, but I know so many people who learned it too late. God bless you.
I'm convinced that the best marriages with children occur between people who met as mature young adults. If you're looking for a spouse after age 28, whether you're a man or a woman, you're starting to get desperate and you pick who you can. After 30? Women just get more desperate and crazier. And men just look for someone younger. If a man and a woman are not interested in bringing children into the world, then it's a slightly different ball game, but still . . . harder to find a person to connect with as you age.
Sometimes 'mature' and 'young' don't coincide.
@@jbr84tx Exactly. That's why I specified.
Ideal marriage age is 21-25 for women and 24-28 for men.
I want to add a second comment. It is much easier for men to restart their lives after divorce than it is for women. I have seen this in my own life and I’m seeing it in the lives of unfortunately many of my female friends. My husband got a new girlfriend a month after we separated, and they have been together for almost 2 years. he gets to pretty much do whatever he wants to do whatever he wants to do it. But because my income decreased significantly, I am now living with my parents with our daughter and I am now a full-time working mother. Ladies just know that men, I should say most men,will be living the highlife after divorce. Please look out for yourself! *side note: HE asked for the divorce after he had multiple affairs. I did not leave on my own accord, which I should have.
So painful, hipefully your parents are a great source of support for yku. My husband is a city firefighter and works with all men, so many single , divorced men living alone, miserable. Basically equivalent of cat ladies. Now if young and relatively good looking yes they will fund a new mate.
Men experience the same as women experienced in their 20s later in life.... it is biology.... women are valuable when they are young and fertile, while men are prefferred when they have resources and is stablished.
Thank you for this realistic comment.
I've seen divorce ruin many men, according to all stats on divorce I've seen, women file for divorce 70% or more of the time, a lot depends on the age of the man, most men do not want to end a marriage, it's too hard to find another partner or girlfriend
Most men do not live the high life after marriage. Men financially fair terribly after divorce. Just because their SMV has increased where as hers has not, does not mean men in general are better off for it. Women initiate the divorces and do this to themselves.
Thank you so much 😭
Wow! I'm beyond glad I found your podcast. By the grace of God I got married and had kids at 31. You described my experience up until then. now I'm a mom and housewife and so happy.
My parents were very traditional, they didnt tell me how i should live my life. I looked at my mum beingbat home, vooking, cleaning and my dad out in his truck and i thought my dad had the better deal. He did. I had a great time driving round UK & Europe and then started my own trucking company. Now 59, i have never wanted to be married and i just dont like children. I really liked all but the last 2 years of my working life, now im retired and couldnt be happier. The important thing is to know yourself
Funny: I had the opposite view as a child. Mom would get us ready and then off to school and dad had to go out to work. Mom stayed home. She had the better deal.
Suzanne, you provide very good advice. I am older now and am retired, but while working in Manhattan for many years, I worked with and met so many women in their 30s and 40s who had great jobs, possessed advanced degrees, were smart and attractive, but single and childless nonetheless. Most delayed relationships to focus on their jobs to find to their dismay that the dating pool had thinned out when they were ready for a serious relationship. I think women should listen to your cautionary tale with open ears. Lastly, men and women often confuse a job with a career. There are few careers out there. Mostly jobs, and hopefully one secures a decent paying one. Wishing you all the best in 2024.
I'm going to download your episodes and encourage my 7-year-old daughter to listen to them when she's a teen and a young adult ❤
Keep her off social media too. The TikTok influence and 304 culture will have a greater impact.
Don't wait. The messages YOU give her at 3, 4, and 5 about how wonderful it is to see a young mother "glow" when nursing her baby or how wonderful it is to see how proud "beaming" a young father is when holding his new baby are the foundation of these higher level messages Suzanne brings. Your messages have to start early and be solidly built before she starts school.
@@foodmonsterweightloss5886 You're right. I have, actually, started discussing it with her already.
This channel is interesting and inspiring and very informative and educating us while being kind with words.
I remember being a teen/young adult and the culture surrounding me at the time was “real men want an independent woman and a real woman is independent.” I was shamed by men in my family and by older boyfriend’s for not having it “all together” as soon as I graduated HS (not as soon as o turned 18, as soon as I graduated HS!!) Looking back, absolutely none of those grown men had it together and they were the most toxic and abusive men in my life. Later in life, I remember in the beginning of my marriage my hubby and I used to fight aalll the time because I wanted a baby as soon as we got married (at 24) but he thought we should wait. He used to bring up the statistic that most women nowadays start having kids at 28 after college and landing a good career. I said no. HELLLL NO. It still took a couple years of convincing but he finally agreed to getting pregnant when I was 26. That still was too late for me, but compromise I suppose. Moral being, I am sososososooooo glad I stuck with my instincts and didn’t allow my husband to convince me with what the culture says, because the culture is wrong on this one. Our life couldnt be more perfect now and I have never thought to tell my husband “I told you so” but I might go ahead and do that today just for funsies lol
I would say that. When men start to parrot this crap, it is dangerous. Women might be having kids later and later but that stat doesn't include all the women that waited and now can't have them.
In these days I would take any stat of what most people are doing more likely as a warning sign, haha!
The truth our mothers forgot to share. Thank you for articulating this issue perfectly.
They didn't forget..
They lied to you. Deliberate, Evil.
Feminists have been BS-ing on this topic with women and hurting men since the 60s. Don't play.
@@caspiana3623 they "know what they are doing"
A lot of mothers were forced into marriages too at 16 or 17. Com on these things still happen in many 3rd world countries.
Absolutely spot on with every single thing you are saying.
@@PeterNolan-009 okay dude congrats 😂😂😂😂😂😂
The U.S. marriage rate has declined 23% between 2000 and 2020, while the divorce rate for first time marriages remains high. Why should young men remain in this country to search for a suitable wife with family values?
I am almost 27 christian woman and have attempted to date once in my life a few months back to find someone and i started to lose sleep. I called it off because to me if you can’t bring me peace then no. I can’t deal with drama and number one for me is to discuss anything easy or difficult very few people out there can do it. Many get offended, I want my husband to be my best friend, the person i turn to and know i can depend on and he likewise. Trust is not easy for me, but when you have it you have it from me. I’m a one person for life type of woman, never stood behind sleeping around. I have observed the world and relationship around me and the reason I haven’t dated is such a lack of good option. A lot of man who are Christian sleep and date around and then they want a virgin wife I say forget it I’m not going with someone unless their likewise. If not at least be able to provide a life that worth me trading that. I’m not one to chase money but don’t demand if you can’t provide. I probably not likely to get married and I’m learning to just let it go and be contented. Also society just drain me I just want to go away from it all. All I want is peace. I can’t do drama so here i am by myself. Just to add I seen too much woman waste their years on a man and get nothing in return no one wasting my precious time that God blessed me on this earth with. All those who have find there partner God bless and live for the rest of us who don’t 🫶
Gentle question - what kind of drama caused you to lose sleep when you tried to date? I grew up, blessedly, in a very Christian household, watching my mom model traditional womanhood and femininity, and am very happily married now for a few years, as a mid to late twenties woman. I found dating to be absolutely horrible. It was not peaceful and was honestly very gut-wrenching to me. I've dated twice - the first one when we were 18-19. We met in college - it was a very small one. He was going to go to seminary after he got his bachelor's, and we talked for hours and studied together almost every day. We made plans to graduate early together, and before we both went home for summer break, he told me that he was looking forward to next semester because he was going to ask me a special question. I thought we were going to get married. Over the summer, our moms met...and by the end of the summer, our moms mutually hated each other. He broke up with me the first day back on orders from his mom, though at first we made plans to be friends and just wait for each other and then get back together after graduation when we were on our own...but a couple months later, he told me he didn't want to talk to me at all. I was devastated and it was a very hard next two years for me. He moved on okay, but there were a lot of girls prettier than me at our college and a lot of them he knew through friends of friends. Watching him get close to other girls hurt a lot especially since I was still too in love with him to even talk to another guy in that way - and our college was too small not to see him every day and our interests were similar enough that we ended up sharing a lot of classes. A lot of my current emotional hang-ups sprouted then, and many of them I still struggle with when I'm feeling a little blue or insecure. Once I graduated and started working, after about a year with no contact, visual or otherwise, I was finally able to let him go, truly and completely. I didn't think I ever wanted to date again and thus didn't think I would ever get married, but I started exploring things that I liked and really living again...and a couple of months later, met the man who would become my father-in-law through an online forum for an interest we shared. He sent me his son's contact info (with permission) because he thought we could really enjoy talking to each other and his son and I hit it off. We talked on the phone a lot in the first six months, about religion, politics, life, worldviews, books we'd read, interests we had and more. We lived cross country from each other, but we finally met after Christmas when my family was going to be on vacation near his parents' house and immediately moved from good friends to dating with intent to marry. He was and is an exceptional man - but it was so hard dating him. As I fell hard for him, I lay awake nights worrying and obsessing and battling with old, reawakened worries and feelings. He helped me deal with so much and was so patient and kind and gentle with me as I struggled through all the emotions and fears. Dating for me - even though both of my dating experiences were with good Christian men who were saving themselves for marriage - was about as far from peaceful as possible. Marriage, however, has been wonderful. There is nothing like cuddling up next to my husband and him putting his arms around me. It's the closest to complete peace and heaven on earth that I'll ever be. I think dating is always fraught with emotions and worries - but as long as they aren't being caused directly by the boyfriend and he is otherwise husband material (good Christian man, virgin - especially if you are, able to stand in the face of storms), they are only temporary. Weeping will endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning kinda thing. :) I think I typed all that to say - I understand the miserableness of dating but I just wanted to say that if you choose wisely, that misery is absolutely worth the incredible joy of sharing life with your best friend and lover; of having someone who loves you with their whole heart and who you can love with yours; of having someone to lean on and having someone to encourage and support.
@@kristinewberg7656 honestly it could be me ‘running’ because I had never dated but I observed a lot of others relationship. The biggest for me was I feel the control which equal trust he demanded a lot right from the beginning. Like he said we should sit together when at church away from my sister and I was cautious but gave it a little way. Then I wanted to create certain boundaries and he blew past it and I let it a little bit was still observing. Then he insinuated if I didn’t stop certain things I would end up like his ex girlfriends. U don’t threaten me. Also I said I didn’t want to try something he pushed it. I respected his boundaries. Further he wanted all this info and when I asked certain questions it was like vague answers. The relationship I want to be in is a partnership, if I’m looked at as less than having a mind to think you can forget it. We had quite the bit in common but he really needs to work on some stuff, me too. I shouldn’t feel like walking on tip toes and even tried to say who I could be friends with. Honestly for me if you cause me to lose sleep I will not stay. It lasted less than 2 months. I did find a good home church in a way because of him, both were looking for a new home church and I found it. We both attend it currently. At the end of the day it was like he made decisions and I wasn’t a part of it. Also he wanted to date for like 2 years before putting a ring on it when I didn’t see any concrete evidence that he would stay, promises don’t mean anything to me especially coming from humans, action speaks louder than words. I don’t want to be a left over choice. I don’t want someone to marry me because I’m there. I know relationships have its up and downs but if we can’t be friends u can forget it. Hard to find any men though I rarely go out. My home church is small and most men are married or young people. If I find someone great if not great love all the time I get to spend in the word of God without worrying about someone who might draw me away from Him. I would drop anything that would cause me to have a weaker walk. I really enjoy peace after having so much stress in early years. Finally letting go of a lot.
Stay at home mothers should not feel guilty for not bringing in money. By being home they can do things that save money that they wouldn't have time for if they were employed. Cooking more from scratch makes meals less expensive and healthier. Drying clothes on a line instead of a dryer saves money on energy and makes the fabrics last longer. The hard work, creatively and ingenuity of women has been relied upon since the dawn of humanity. "That's why they say behind every great man is a better woman."
Excellent show!
This is brilliant, but where's the rest?? I was sooo enjoying it!!
Well my mom was married young to the wrong guy. He abandoned my family when I was 5, my sister was 3 and my younger sister was in gestation. My mom did not despair, she had her family to help out and pretty much everyone turned their backs to my father -- I haven't talk to him for over 20 years. And I have already decided that I will not go to his funeral. In the end we all went to college, we all did well in life -- but not because of him. But this might be one of the reasons why this kind of advise exists today. But today there is internet, the work can be a lot more flexible than before, thing can be done to ensure a carrier path while a women have a family. What must change is not to postpone family beyond a safe age, say 25, so it's possible for a woman go to college online, do some work online and raise a family and then, when the family is older, she can start to work. Companies should value women that start working after raising kids, the grandparents should try to live close to their children to help whenever needed. Today it is easier then ever to have you kids and work to... Just switch the order: 1st the family, work later. If that's done, everyone can have a win.
I’ve seen my mum unable to leave a marriage because of lack of finances. Even tho I’m 34, I can’t put my self in a vulnerable position. I’ve seen it go awfully wrong. Im trying to set up passive incomes before I have a child incase something happens to the relationship or the guy. Many would disagree, but seeing some of my friends who are in their 60s homeless & cheated on & husbands basically kicking them to the curb! It’s changed my life seeing it! I’m a better mum now then I would have ever been in mu 30s for so many reasons -
This is an excellent video.
Thanks Suzanne, it’s really great advice for the women in your audience. I’m a 58 year old sole custody dad. I spend my time working in a large single Mums and Dads FB group rebuilding families around Australia post break up. Men and women are different and that’s ok. We need to work well together learning this truth for our families to thrive again.
I wish someone would tell women they shouldn't be working during menstruation. When your body is in pain, it's telling you to STOP and REST. By blatantly ignoring these signals, we women have lost connection to our bodies. Now, we work into menopause, which is even more painful than menstruation. Ladies, when you are in your 50's and beyond, it's no time to grind on a 9-5 job, or any job outside the home, you will be dealing with pain and exhaustion...and PAIN!! Women are dynamic creatures who change, go through different phases...we need flexibility and constantly changing conditions. MEN - on the other hand - are the soldiers...they are built to grind...big! BIG! difference.
Menopause doesn’t have to be so hard, listen to Dr. Elizabeth Bright and read her book, it’s great! I’m 36 and nowhere near menopause, but I’m learning about it now..
Absolute truth. Menopause can be extremely hard - I know!! - and no one has the answer. It is a part of life for women and more importantly it is telling you to make a change and slow down. Accept ageing. The Big Pharma solution is not for everyone and delays the profound personal transformation of menopause. The work world is based on male biology. We need grandmothers to fulfil home roles as well. There are many books written about it and some are helpful and then again some women have very little effects and others much more. Maybe you will be lucky. The important thing is no one escapes middle age/late middle age without a reckoning of some sort. I am much happier after The Change and it isn't about hormones, it is soul level change.
The women I know haven’t had any pain when going through menopause. I have never even heard of pain during menopause? Same thing with energy levels. I have heard about and experienced changes in temperature. Not a big issue! No need to be afraid!
I worked for my entire life during my very heavy menstruation. I worked until I was 59 and took early retirement. Women are NOT FRAIL.
Well, not every woman's anatomy works precisely alike. That's why some have things go wrong and some don't.
I’m 61, never married, though I wanted to marry, and just never heard my biological clock tick. I’m a total introvert and love to be alone all of the time, but also, being alone in life is really scary these days.
How did survive being single all of these years?
I can understand this as an introvert.
What will make me happy is a little RESPECT!
Great talk!
Woman (asking for advice), "I want to spend more time with my kids but i have to work because of bills." Suzanne venker, "well, you shoulda thought about that before!" Well thanks for the "help" 🙄
Actions have consequences. My ex wife lied to me, had an affair, left and financially destroyed me. It led to closing my business and filing bankruptcy. Nobody is gonna feel sorry for me or be able to change anything other than I need to work hard and not get fooled again
@@sonofthesOUth77 yep should have chosen a better woman to lay with
@@Youareheretoo because no woman is EVER deceptive about who she is before marriage
@@sonofthesOUth77 I don't think the lady who was asking for advice was asking for sympathy. I think the advice "that's preventative" (which isn't really advice) is only useful to young people who haven't started yet. It's patronizing and unhelpful to someone who wants to make a change later on in life. I think venker is a smart woman and she is right about a lot of things especially when it comes to gender differences. However, I find her perspective to be very narrow and privileged and doesn't take into account the economic and relational challenges and realities people face. Marrying the right person when you're young is great. Marrying the wrong person can cause a lot of suffering as you know first hand. Telling someone to marry young is bad advice if you are encouraging someone to marry the wrong person. And, a lot of women would love to be stay at home moms. Even if dad has a fairly good job, some people can't afford the SAHM life because prices are out of control these days.
Downsize your life. Cut costs, don't build them.
Unfortunately we live in a time period where 2 incomes are necessary for the majority of families. Even if you live as thrifty as possible most families need a 2nd income to get by. I make an above average wage. We live below our means. We don't have any debt. We have paid off vehicles. We don't go on expensive vacations or trips. Dinners out might be once every 45 days and we stay within budget. I could go on but you get the idea. At the end of the month it's not enough. We need the second income.
Indeed. So much advice reeks of avacado toast, Starbucks, and Apple. Plenty of people don't buy that stuff and are still broke.
It's hard for sure. I have had a friend or two on food stamps, they stay home with the kids and getting by until their husband's can move along more in their career. The church community looks out for ways to serve these families in times of need. Sometimes I wonder if more women stayed home with their children if there would be more jobs, and more higher paying jobs for men to support their families. My mom always taught piano lessons to help pay for extras!
When I read the title I was joking this podcast was going to be exactly about what it is about! The truth and the realities of life! ❤Thanks for sharing
WELL SAID!
I felt my biological clock start ticking when I was 17 years old. I 100% wanted to start getting ready for marriage, learn how to discern a good man from a horrible one, and to learn how to be a good wife. Literally nobody supported me in that desire, fast forward to my promiscuity in college because Daddy wouldn't let me look for a husband because education and career were the most important things to him. Listen to your daughters biological clocks and cues. If they are saying from a very early age that they want to be a wife and mother, 100% support them in that and train them up how to be just that. Education and career can come later for women because guess what our eggs dry up and our uteruses become unstable. We are the ones with the biological clock, not men. You're not going to accomplish anything by shoving hormonal contraception down your gullet trying to fight that, other than a whole slew a bodily issues and cancers.
So true!!
In the old days many women married at 16 and 17 and went on to have successful families.
It was never a lie. I am educated, was a working mom...actually all of my friends were. Took early retirement at 59 with a nice work pension.
We’re you good at either one?
@Heywoodthepeckerwood Yes. Having a liberal husband helps. We did the housework, cooking, caring for children together. Best not to get one of those 'traditional ' men.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 where is your husband now?
@@Heywoodthepeckerwood We divorced 12 years ago.
@@wyleecoyotee4252 sorry to hear that. Did you divorce because you no longer needed him to help you raise your children? Like most women do?
Keep getting the message out❤
My determination to remain faithful is obviously a liability to my ex wife. Head shake!!!
. My mother and the other women in my life used to make it sound like when the time came for marriage, I could pick a man off the shelf or better yet, he would find me. Now, could a 30 or 35 year old woman do a better job in finding the right man for herself than she could at 20? Yes, she could, honestly. But what nobody tells women is this: If you wait until you are 30's, the man you want won't want you. He will be looking for the younger version of you. Could a 35 or even 40 year old find a man? Sure she could. A woman at any age can find a man. But will he be the man she wants? Her first choice? Nope. Wait until you are in your 30s and IF you actually can find a good man, he'll be taken in some way. Married, engaged, has kids with a woman and in a "complicated" relationshp. The good looking single masculine man who is close to your age will be looking for the 21 year old version of you. Age is VERY important to men. They don't want to admit that because women get mad. But they will admit that to each other. So career women have to settle for a man. Men know this! This is why you tube is full of men warning other men about not getting involved with "older" women. She's settling for a man who is not her first choice. And let's be real, we all know of a woman who settled for a man and pines over some man from her youth. Ladies, if you think about it, who are the people telling you to put off marriage? They are usually all women. Men don't say that. And fathers will sometimes push their daughters to be career women. As though putting them off men somehow makes them more pure. Meanwhile, the women who spend 10-15 years dating will have racked up more partners than the ones who settle down early. The other dads who push this crap on daughters are narcissists who just want something to brag to their friends about. I'm sorry to say, parents do NOT always have their children's best interest at heart. BTW I'm happily married for 23 years now but only because I woke up to the BS I was being sold. And I'm 52 now. My early 20s social life consisted of mostly my church group in a small suburb in the south. Not exactly a hotbed of liberalism. Every girl in our church was either married by 18/19 or pushed to go college/career and practically spinsters waiting for God to send them a man. So don't think this is only a liberal thing. I saw this pattern beginning in the 80s and 90s. The only thing that's changed is the career. Back then it was pushing girls to be teachers and nurses. Now it's pushing girls into STEM.
Excellent points. Most people will never admit it, but there are parents who push their daughters into careers because they see their daughters as their retirement plan. Oiy vay!
@@thebootjournal6037oh gosh. This is my story. My mother wants me to work long hours and make money so “we can save”. I want to focus on my peace and femininity but I’m also worried about my financial future due to not saving that much. It’s so tough when you don’t have generational wealth
great essay, Kevin Samuels said men care about this in a woman -- fitness, fertility, submissiveness, and cooperation ie. a team player, they will pass women up if fertility is in doubt, men tend to marry women they can have a family with, when you can't offer that to them, they look elsewhere, a women's sexual history is also something men pay attention to, if she has slept around a lot, we will pass her up, finally at age 40 a single woman has only a 1% chance of ever being married, 20-40 goes really fast
Our daughters believe that men will take care of them. That’s a lie. Tell young women the truth about how relationships with men are!!!
@@SayNoToBeingAHyena yes because relying on a man financially is a big gamble he can choose to walk away at any time. She has to be able to take care of herself if he chooses to no longer care for her and her possible children financially.
@@ladybug3380OK, I'll ask, how ARE relationships with men then? Since women are the primary filers of divorce, it would seem that something doesn't quite add up in your assessment.
Agree. It really depends on the man. My personal opinion is that it's not a great idea to look for somebody to take care of you. If that person up and leaves, it's not going to end well.
@@user-ff8rs7gk6r women have a delusional view on how men operate. They get into relationships thinking that men think like women do and gets frustrated when the man doesn’t see everything from their point of view. I personally think men and women aren’t compatible for longterm relationships. Our communication styles are way too different to have a successful relationship.
@@ladybug3380 Thats actually a very nuanced take, thanks for the response.
So good! 👏
You're absolutelt right, Suzanne. Literally, 100% right.
A fresh brewed cup of 🍵 truth
Most people prefer to date within their own age range and most people aren’t ready to marry until their late 20s. I was someone who was marriage minded in my early 20s and heading into my mid 20s I realized it’s a lost cause
I've been working since age 17 and I'm in my mid-fifties now. I grew up in a very poor family and our Dad left us. I always knew I would have to work whether single or married. I might be able to retire around 70 or 75, but I like my job and that helps. I married at age 46. I dated a little in college, but decided to stop dating and focus on my studies. I married at 46.
Brilliant!! This is exactly what we've (good men/husbands/fathers)known and said and suffered from. Well done yo those women now waking up
still the family court system remain the same. nothing has changed Men should NEVER marry in western societies in 2024. Should never be serving a culture, society, country that hates you, uses you and abuse you Leave and explore the world
I'll probably get ghost banned for being critical, but would like to hear thoughts. Ok, my girls were little when my ex filed and kicked me out. My ex got a LOT of child support over 15 years, and was living off it early on, then she had a part time job. (She kept her W2 income low for, reasons). So basically, the girls grew up seeing how well mommy managed to pay bills with a part time job, and juggle kids. They were lied to in many ways, and certainly were not informed about the support.. Now the girls are older, with no marriage ( go figure), no child support, and are certainly having to work much harder to survive. I feel they were very much lied to, and may have made other choices if they knew the facts They are also alienated, of course. Thoughts? Is that financial deception common?
yes, women like to give presents but never say it's someone else (the father) - paying for it. I would be harsh on your daughters and tell them in no uncertain terms - that you have financed half of their lifestyle via the mother, and that's why their mother had it so "easy" - financially. Truth sets free...
It’s also 2024 the economy is not what it was back then. Housing and rent are way higher. Not just for them but people with families too. Do you not see what is happening in politics nowadays. It’s all bizarre. Have you seen the cost of healthcare and groceries nowadays?
Yes it is exceptionally common and likely it will ruin their future prospects. Sorry mate..
Huh? You never told your daughters about the child support?
@@terry9238 they were tought very well that if i said anything aboit thier mommy to not listen, to change the topic, and to report back to her. So saying she got support was forbidden, by her.. That was years ago. At this point they are 99% alienated, so none of it really matters anymore. And did I try to fight the alienation? Yes, and the courts didn't care, it was a losing battle. Such is life.
Send these videos to your father first. It'll be easier to wake him up. Mom will be tougher since daughters are responsible for living out her dream. Good luck, we're praying for you
Dreams, maybe. Not make what she thinks is her mistake, probably. Many men and women don’t place value on a mother’s contribution to her children, husband and society😢. It’s perfectly natural to want something more or better for your children. Its sad that some moms think that better means a career. I think it comes from all the messaging or in some cases their personal experiences. There is nothing more important than raising up the next generation. It’s perfectly normal to want to marry, have children and be at home with them. Those years are your children’s foundation, their springboard to the future.
So good ❤
I’m 48 years old with with two children (8 & 6) and divorced. It’s better to be divorced with children than to have held out for the perfect woman not know if that would have ever evolved knowing I’m not perfect. I knew I wanted children from a young age. I wouldn’t take back anything because I love my kids and the time I invest in them is appreciated I can see the love in their eyes. Trust me ladies you don’t want to live the rest of your lives alone. Stop thinking about what everyone else thinks about you and settle for whats close enough to what your looking for. You don’t want to die bitter, old, and lonely. Love make the world go round and without it we are miserable. But don’t have children if you are selfish, you aren’t ready yet if that’s the case. Your children will suffer.
At the 3:25 mark in this video you said something that is so true. In my big city we see lots of 30 & 40 something single women pushing dog strollers as if they were baby strollers. It must be motherly instincts because a four legged animal doesn't need a stroller.
Not working and putting yourself in a position where you are relaying on a man and his moods and whims is a horrible idea. This is regardless of what is gonna bring the most enjoyment to you later in life. You can absolutely build wealth on your own. And you should do that. That is true especially if you choose to have children… which you can also do with or without a husband around. It’s vitally important to always, always have a viable option to leave. In order to be able to do that you have to have independent source or ideally multiple sources of income.
Why? If you choose right, which you should, you will never need to leave. Nor should you.
@@kristinewberg7656 you make a number of assumptions that I think are faulty - assuming that a woman, any women is able to predict her own needs and preferences and also reactions when it comes to different life circumstances many decades into the future, is likely wrong - assuming that a woman is able to judge a character of man not just now but also decades into the future with any accuracy is also obviously incorrect - the younger the women likelihood of her being able to judge the above is fairly law given just general immaturity and lack og life experience. - choosing right is very difficult for most women given that a “bad” choice of this sort can utterly ruin a women’s life, why take such a huge risk to begin with?
@@Lilly-xg5xw I could write a book for you, but here's the short version: What needs and preferences might I have in the future decades that can't be met within the fortress of a happy marriage? A man that loves you will do his utmost to satisfy your needs - and if you're saying that maybe in 25 years, I will decide I like men with blonde hair instead of brown - who cares? I'm 50 years old. By that point, I really hope that I've grown up enough to understand that there are far more important things in life than hair color or fashion sense or whatever other shallow "preference" I might develop. If you are wary of your ability to judge character, I would highly suggest you go spend time around older people with character. It quickly becomes obvious which young people are pretending to have integrity and which ones really do. If you have them, explain to your family and friends that you are looking for a good man to stay with the rest of your life and ask them to help you pick. You're not an island alone unto yourself. As far as risk - there are many ways to alleviate said risk, but you must also understand that all life is a risk. What if you get in a car crash tomorrow and be confined to a wheelchair? What if you get breast cancer? What if you become blind or deaf because you developed complications from the common cold or flu? If you're not comfortable with risk, don't take it. Don't get married or depend on a man or anyone else in your life. But also don't pretend that there are no ways to whittle down the risk factor until it becomes acceptable.
Amazing video, 100% truth
Being a parent is the best part of life. I am 68 years old now, having been married 46 years with two children and two grandchildren. My family is the joy of my life. Nothing is better.
This is THE truth guys. I'm 40 and I'm SOOOOOOO lucky my parents were pretty hands off and very much "do what you love" lucky in the sense that they would never have pressured me into schooling etc. I was by no means on a traditional safe path or raised with religion etc but I STILL instinctively knew that getting married and staying home at least part time was what I wanted as soon as I met my first husband (tricky part with hands of parents is they didn't really teach me what to look for in a partner other than "makes you happy' something I'll be doing differently.. he was a damn BUM who had major issues and never worked). Anyhow. Listen, humans are generally made a certain way, period. We can play gender games and be childless etc but let that be the exception not the rule... It's very normal to procreate
Exactly. Let the statistical anomalies exist. Nobody should dupe the unwilling into parenthood, nor spread the lie that most people do not want kids.
The world is in the process of becoming increasingly traditional and conservative. Why? Because liberals are not having children. Heck, they’re not even getting married, as they see no point to it and see no value in it in their world of moral relativism. If they do have children, they have small families. Conservatives, on the other hand, are getting busy creating large families. Within ten to twenty years (and that will get here before you know it), conservatives will greatly outnumber childless liberals.
@@skylinefever isn't it ODD how much effect media coverage has on our though processes? It's very difficult to be an independent thinker with the internet unless you already dance to the beat of your own drum lol.
Im single multi millionaire Christian and wanted so bad to be married but I was born at the wrong time. Im disgusted with the independent boss babes saturated in my dating pool. It's SO hard to find good marriage quality beyond the age of early to mid 20s...and even then it's a needle in a haystack. Feminism is rampant even on the christian right and they dont even understand or see it
Depends on WHERE INDEPENDENT BAPTIST TYPES who use KJB, tend to be more into marriage. I know a couple, who married at 18, in 1988 They had 12 kids..and they're still together Half of their children are MARRIED the oldest and 2 youngest Are boys Rest are girls, and half are married
They probably don’t find you attractive…in which case rejection is protection. Just because you are a male you are not entitled to a woman. It is better to be single and serve the Lord according to Paul. Btw If you go to certain states they are raised with more religious doctrines such as Utah and Idaho. Perhaps visit different churches and go to Christian conferences in different states. Are you keeping yourself in shape? Good luck
@@Youareheretoo Im a world record holding athlete and often told im good looking. Never said I was entitled a woman. I just dont want one with all the trappings of babylon and instead very traditional , sweet, feminine. I lived in Utah and Idaho . Been on over 300 dates . It's a myth that purity and femininity is so much better in religious circles more so than secular. They often see a bishop or a priest as a pathway to born again virginity once they hit the epiphany phase of their life in their late 20s and want a man to come in and clean up that damage in their 304 phase . I am planning on leaving the west to find better traditional , fit, feminine women. Even "conservative", republican women are infected with feminism and they are blinded to it.
@@YouareheretooFunny though because all women are is entitled, to male labour, to the products of male labour and to the tax payer dollars of the bulk tax payers, men.
@@ruckin3 women bare the children. And women pay taxes too.
100% spot on.
Young ppl used to question everything adults said to them. It wasn’t just rebellion but steps to formulate independent thinking. The only thing my mother said to me I agreed was to have a skill set to support myself. I got into a public servant job as a result. I was not married and have no children but this is my preference. I am in my sixth decade therefore I can look back seeing the path I had taken. Don’t live someone else’s life. Figure out who you are and what is your priority. Making choices from your own choosing doesn’t mean they are good choices (especially about men) but you have no one to blame but yourself.
I wonder how many people don't learn critical thinking because certain people just want cogs in the machine.
@skylinefever To keep power centralized, cogs are must have. Teens and young ppl have been conditioned to group think and follow trends, robbing them the ability to think independently. When they are damaged early on by bad credit, large debt, messy sexual or romantic history, single parenthood, drug/alcohol addiction, and criminal behavior, they would be pushed to the bottom more and more regardless their intelligence or family background.