Knowing when to let go of a friendship
2013 ж. 23 Нау.
159 384 Рет қаралды
#friendship #endingfrienship #toxicfriendship
www.beckywalsh.com
How do you know when a friendship is on its last legs and its time to let go?
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#friendship #endingfrienship #toxicfriendship
www.beckywalsh.com
How do you know when a friendship is on its last legs and its time to let go?
.
.
.
“For every friend you let go of...you get two or three better ones” I needed this quote
I experienced that quote
I honestly hope it's true... I have 2 friends I decided to put my foot down on because... let me set the scene: it's a friday night, and your playing video games over voice chat with 2 of your friends, and then you start talking, cracking jokes, and then they decide to team up on you in a minigame and say how bad you are at the game, they've been doing this for a couple months now, and that's when me being me, I decide I've had enough and I exit the game, leave the voice chat, and block them, it's been this way for a weekend as of when I'm writing this comment. I have class with one of them tomorrow and I feel it necessary to walk up to him and say "Dude, you need to understand there's a difference between being an ***hole and cracking jokes about someone. And if you want to keep being an ***hole that's fine with me if you don't want to be my friend I'll find better ones, because our friendship is in a condition that I'm not afraid to let go of it if I have too."
But only until you graduate. After that none has time for anyone ✌🏼
It’s true!!
Did not work for me. I had to get rid of three friends over the last two to six years. No new friends appeared.
Before my wonderful grandfather passed away, I asked him." How come he didnt have any friends?" He would smile at me and would say. "I have three friends". Of course I would reply. "Who?" He would chuckle and say. " The bed, the T.V. and the fridge! 600 people attended his funeral. God I miss him.
@@SuperKarineka Thank you Karla for your kind words. May you have a wonderful 2021
😀😀
That is truly sad and it makes me wonder how many of those 600 people let him know when he was alive, just how much he meant to them.
@@NoMoreTears64 Urban, He was being sarcastic. To this day I think his comment about having 3 friends is pretty funny.
I'm definitely walking away now...from a couple of people. Friendships shouldn't equal feeling stressed all the time. I believed that they would be lifelong friends, but I was wrong, at least for the time being.
I hear u
@Michelle Dube well said... My attitude basically👌🏼💯
Especially, if your friends use you as their therapist
I agree to you im now cutting my connection to my toxic friends because i always feel stressed and sad inside but now i dont regret doing it.
Wow I feel exactly the same thing about some friends.
Sometimes you are a friend to someone who is not a friend to you. You can still love that person and be nice to that person, but if they start to be abusive or make clear that they don't respect you or care about you at all, it's time to re-think your relationship with that person.
I just realized my “friend” of 41 yrs. has been putting me last on her list for this whole time…. & it took having her not respond to a text message for 4 days for me to finally see what’s been going on. There’s way too much history for me to share here, but sadly I’ve been holding on to a dream, not a real friendship. Just because someone keeps telling you that you’re their best friend doesn’t mean anything. (If I truly am her best friend, she sure hasn’t been a best friend to me.)
Practice non-attachment. Accepting what comes and allowing it to leave when it's time. What's for you will be for you effortlessly.
U dont put in any feelings?
Such a wise way to look at life
@@springal3139 Non-attachment doesn't mean no feelings. It means not attaching to a particular outcome. There is a difference between connection and attachment. Connection is closeness. Attachment is making someone or something responsible for your happiness.
Tis is good.👍
So true…. Such a powerful message. 👍
l let go of a 30yr friendship because l realized she'd been jealous of me for yrs. The subtle put downs, the silly scrutiny of everything and finally when she wouldn't give me a job reference that was the nail in the coffin
Pat Kelly totally. What a douche
Pat Kelly what a lesson. a friend NOT giving you a reference. Did you see that coming?
That's not a real friend! Surely your friend is just 30 yrs of a season. In my case I gave my friend a great job reference and help answered the long essays but in the end , my friend just throws me under the bus. It is too much of a pain but I know I will be over one day.
What a 🐕
Cant give you a reference?! Oh hell no! Time to dump her
I feel like i'm the bad guy in our friendship so i'm letting go. I wanna focus on myself and getting my life together...maybe we will meet each other again oneday when I've achieved my goal and am proud.
What if your friend doesn't want to see you in the future? They might not be interested in you. Just be friends with either a dog or your belongings; they're better.
Breaking up with a friend is actually harder than a boyfriend/girlfriend. Here is what I tell my subs -why you should end a friendship. Many times people simply change--you aren't at 35 what you were at 20 and maybe you have nothing in common. Or maybe the person is toxic or in my case we both were and I changed and left a few behind from my old life. But it comes down to this. Do you dread seeing the person and are relieved when you leave? Toxic. Are they a substance abuser? Leave if they won't quit it. Do they carry positivity or negativity with them. If negative--leave. Finally--do they enhance your life? If no then leave. The leaving part is only an uncomfortable few minutes. The relief is long term. Hope that helps---Charles
I literally felt a weight shift off me when I finally let an old friend go. I sent a harsh text to get the put of my life, but I had to get it off my chest. It had been building up for years.
I thought I had “those” life friendships but they turned out not to be. It’s beyond disappointing n hurtful. And I feel so betrayed n even more alone…
Friends who actually pick up the phone are out there somewhere.
It's best to understand most of people are egotistical. They're after what they can gain. Never assume you have friends. Unless you share similar values and interests, don't even bother being friendly. Do not give, give, give. Relationship including friendship and marriage is mutual. Be upfront with your feeling and tell the offensive ones how you feel. If they don't get it, walk away. Life is too short to mix with wrong toxic people.
Most cases it is self driven
Thank you. Thats what I needed in my situation .
😔
There’s an end in friend :(
Wow I really needed this. I recently let go of my best friend and it's so hard because I care for her so much but she changed so drastically lately and is doing things that I am not okay with. I tried to tell her how I felt about her actions and she just shrugged and continued on that path. I am having such a hard time reminding myself that I miss who she was, not who she is now. But this spoke to me deeply. Thank you!
You did the right thing don't worry. I did the same exact thing to my friend and I feel much better. It's better than being ignored/toxic relationship
Caitlin Christian People change. They are not their former selves worth putting effort into (even family members)
Caitlin Christian I just went through the exact same experience. It's hard, but necessary. Good luck to us both in finding a new friend to replace the lost one.
This exact thing happened to me
Same, and I can't stop crying right now.
Just reconnected with an acquaintance and she literally asked me to take photos of her the entire time and it was awful and left me feeling drained! It was so superficial and I couldn't enjoy the actual moments or places we went because she just wanted to make sure she got the perfect photo to show off on IG! I deleted all my social media after the encounter and need to do some real soul searching!
6 years ago, I gave up all of my toxic fair-weather friends. Now I Stand Alone........ For now
When you're ready, the right friends will come. Sometimes we can't even see they were already there.
I recently broke off a friendship with someone I had been friends with for years because I did not like her toxic behavior, and didn't want to continue being taken advantage of. I felt it was more fair to tell her exactly all the reasons why I no longer wanted to be her friend, and while some of my words were blunt, they were honest accounts of every problematic thing she had done over the course of our friendship that I am glad I told her before leaving. I was tired of a lot her crap and felt she deserved to know that. I am going to really miss the good times we shared, and I cared about her as a friend. But I'm not going overlook the bad things she did and how she treated me and others sometimes. I am happy I am finally free of that friendship despite how hard it was to let it go. I've changed over the last couple of years and have come to realize how important it is to protect my energy and not be too nice with some people. I am proud of my recent choices.
I let go of a friend I have known for fifty years an hour ago. I just realised that a weight has been lifted from me and the sense of familial responsibility I felt (even though we are not related) was pointless. There were so many things I actually didn't like about them but hung in there. I feel really happy with my decision. Time for us both to go in our own direction.
Moya Montgomery 40 years for me. Never cared if I was included in plans because of another persons dislike for me. I don’t even know why
Its sad life changes people....I known a friend since I was 12! now 60 and she doesn't want to know me.....things were not the same after my Brother was killed and she wasnt there for me, and she know my Brother,......who can you trust who really comes from the Heart ??? I don t know...
Wow. And here I was feeling bad about letting go of two friends I've known for 11-15 years. I think what happened is that as I have reached menopause and realize my life getting shorter, that I will not and cannot put up with lack of respect or verbal attacks over random things anymore. I gave too many chances and either they kept doing the same things or they were incapable of examining their own behavior and just made excuses for always blowing me off and finally betraying me out of self-centeredness. And what has come of this, is that I am now examining more closely, other friends I have for less years. I am more discerning about men I date and potential new friends. As I fix areas of my own life in sincere ways that have needed tending for years (especially in terms of my own self-worth and self-care,) I am finding myself setting myself apart from more people and reconciling with old friends and strengthening those relationships. I hate to say this, but I am not into spending time around losers anymore and I have my own set of criteria as to what that means for me, personally by now. I don't want to be influenced. I want to find friends who are clean and sober (or mostly,) and who are doing the best they can on a day to day basis and taking their lives seriously in important ways.
Life is ever changing and remaining in friendships that are toxic hinders emotional growth. Clip their wings and let them fly away
Well done !!! I need to do it
If someone pushes you into letting go of them it means they were never truly your friend.
I had to let go of a friend that couldn't ever be on time for our meet ups. After two years of being one to three hour late every time, I told her. She then got angry at me for expecting her to meet at our agreed time. I felt like my time wasn't important to her, that she didn't value me or our friendship. Sad!
It is sad. Time is the most precious thing. People who waist it, waist your life. Who's got time for that!
@@BeckyWalshcom You understand!! Well said. I did feel like I was wasting my life. Hopeful that we would be great friends, but it amounted to nothing.
I don't feel bad for ghosting or dropping someone who has been disrespecting me over and over again. There is nothing to talk about. Bye Felicia 👋
My friend doesn't make any effort to meet me in my house, he texts me and talks less. Every time he calls me to meet him to his house. I made lot of effort and commitment. After lot of COMPROMISE, today I told him to STAY TRUE to me or STAY AWAY.
There are so many great people out in the world that will love to be your friend, go find them and don't settle for half assed friends.
I wrote a letter to a friend telling her I no longer was going to seek her out after she made an assumption about me that showed me she was behaving presumptuous. I told her that her assumption showed me that all we have in common at this stage in our lives are past memories of our youth. I wished her well and that was it.
When I met my best friend, we were literally together 24/7 and I was really 100% sure that we will be friends for life... we had a whole life planned together, and now she’s just left me with no explanation, no nothing. We were that close that I was stupid enough to cut almost everyone else out of my life, and look at me now all alone I literally have no one because I believed this one person would be my friend forever I got no one to talk to that’s why I’m here opening up to strangers
Hi Ella. I am in a same situation. We used to be together almost 24/7. I used to call her soulmate. I thought we were supposed to be friends for life. But then someday...... she started distancing me, avoiding me. She wasn't that much intimate with me like before. She left me without any explanation. I tried to talk with her so many times, but she refused to talk to. I was not giving up. College got closed due to Covid since March. I used to call her to know if she was doing okay. She would pick up the phone...but talked as if I was disturbing her. Our phone calls would last for 15 seconds, 20 seconds, 1 minute (maybe the highest was 5 minutes). And it was I talking the whole time. Then I stopped calling her as I thought it's better not to disturb her. From the beginning of our friendship she always talked so less. I thought I was bullying her...I shouldn't have complained why she was talking so less. I started blaming myself. Thought I was being toxic. Was that true?...I don't know....maybe..or maybe not. I started researching about psychology. I tried to find an explanation for her behavior in every way I can. I thought she was emotionally distant. She wasn't ready to open up. Ok I have to accept that. I will be supportive towards her. I didn't talk to her for 1.5 months in this lockdown. Then oneday she texted me...asking how I was doing. And how happy I was! She contacted me on her own! Now it's November. And I'm thinking about ending the friendship. I have tried in every way to understand her better. I tried to be a better friend. But she never helped me in this course. Someday she would talk so well with me, then other day she will be nowhere to be found. Ignoring my messages, not replying to my messages. Or replying tooo short. What I feel upset about is she never tried to understand me. She doesn't share with me. I thought she was emotionally distant, she has difficulties opening up.........but she is not like that with her other friends. She does this only with me. I know so less about her. At the beginning of our friendship I thought she cared. But it doesn't seem so now. I don't really know her. She is different person in different times. And I'm done trying to know her. I told her so many times she was my best friend, she's like my soulmate. That I love her so much. But she never told me any of this sort. I asked her if she thought me as a best friend. She asked instead if it mattered I was her best friend or not. People have to earn certain things. She had to earn the title of best friend. But I willingly gave it to her...without any big effort from her part. And yes, this was my fault. I tried to earn the spot of best friend in her life, but for some unknown reason couldn't. I have gave so much effort, tried so hard.........now I actually feel so devastated by her flighty behaviors. It's time to stop. I feel bad thinking about all those friends I had in school. I didn't keep a steady contact with them after moving to college and finding this very "best friend". They still love me, still care for me. I should have cared for them more. Because they know the meaning of caring. They know how to value friendships. Maybe they don't have a mesmerizing or mystical personality (like this friend). Maybe they are nothing but ordinary. But they are my friends, they are unique, they are blessings in my life. They love me and I will love them too. Don't be upset. Everything will be alright. Thanks for reading this far.
@@arunimachakraborty4596 wow thank you that’s really helpful because I thought it was just happening to me but I guess not... she ignored me for a few months then she called me and said shes been busy, lately she just seems to show up at my house with her boyfriend un announced then say she’ll call me in the morning and she never does, just ignores me for another month... I wish I could cut her off to stop her hurting me like this but everytime she does come I’m so happy even though she’s cutting my 7 hour of sleep short😂 but a few weeks ago I told her a secret and I just really wanted some support as I wasn’t in the best of places, I waited 5 hours for her and drank a bottle of vodka then passed out for 2 hours and when I woke up she hadn’t even text me to say she’s not coming. And I just cried for like 3 days, she didn’t call me or text me yet when I say I wanna end our friendship she says I’m her one and only best friend she loves me bla bla bla all that bs it’s either that or she gets angry at me for “making everything about me” from reading this you probably think she’s just a shitty friend who put an act on for a while but really she didn’t use to be like this she’s changed
@@ellasmith6230 Is it her first relationship? First boyfriend?
When it comes to seniors and elderly people, it's much harder to make new friends or be accepted in new groups. We are looked as differently, treated differently, not valued.
Quality vs. quantity, for starters. When you're with this, "friend" & you feel a vague heaviness...its a subtle sign. Unburden youself of those who have that effect on you
"A person in our life is for a reason, season or for life": This is so true and straight! :) love you becky!
Thank you so much. This really helped me let go of a friend who has let me down so many times it's hard to count. When I decide to finally cut bonds, she starts begging and telling me how she still wants to be my friend. Yet while we're friends she leaves me out, she never listens to what I have to say, she does what she wants, etc. And I'm tired of it. This showed me that I can be strong and move on.
+Heidi Tran Well done! I'm going to create a remote workshop on this subject. Join my mailing list on www.beckywalsh.com to get an invite xx
Yea let her go... she says that because she wants to use you for later for her own good
Heidi Tran god I think I need to do this too but I'll have 0 friends after that...I wonder if being in a bad friendship is better or worse than having no one at all.
Heidi Tran I
Yup, I had a friend/relative like this. She would work so hard to keep me in her life and when I would forgive her, she would go right back to ditching me, making up excuses for why she couldn’t hang out with me, was never there for major events. She still tries to contact me and idk why!!
Just what I needed, have a friend I have been thinking about letting go of for a few years but couldn't as we get along so well but whenever I need them they are never there!
Well u merry me 😍😍😍😍😍❤🌷🌷🌷🌷
Being the kind person that I am, I let my 'Bestfriend' dictate important decisions in my life and finally at this age I am finally strong enough to let go of this friendship that is nearly toxic to start with. I am too nice. Maybe was too nice. I now at peace with having less friends, but true friends. That friendship hurts me so much but made me stronger and happier once I let it go. Thank you for this x
Welcome. Be nice to yourself, self-love is the key to an open heart to others.
simoxnia I
Meet me i am intrested 😍😍❤❤🌷🌷
I let go of someone who would skip my messages constantly, I would wait for them and had enough. I hope others will see this and let go of people who waste your time and energy.
Thiss😌
Same. Had a gf who was like a sister. I have different world views so she completely cut me off. Painful.
This has really helped me let go of my "best" friend
“Idk why, I can’t quite explain, but I our time here is done” Wow ❤️
Thank you for this! It sometimes is hard to know whether you're just too sensitive and it will get better over time. If you are just in a habit of running away from uncomfortable situations and not wanting to face conflict and work on difficult issues. But you are soo right, when you're letting go of an unfulfilling friendship, it gives you more space and room for new, valuable friendships.
Merry me am single really 😍😍💑💑❤❤🌷🌷
I'm going to do it! I'm gonna let go!😓
Do whatever you think is right ☺️☺️☺️
Who betrayed you Donald Trump? Hilary? BADUM TSSS
It seems like it has taken a lifetime for me to find out who really loves me. ONE BAD PERSON can make someone NOT TO TRUST NOBODY. Being cautious makes you limited who you will trust. I wish bad peoples didn't even exists the way they does. 🙏💯
What about when you live totally alone, when you can't possibly go out and meet anybody, and when you get no visitors? What, then? For every "friend" (I thought I had) that betrays, where would my "three better ones" possibly come from? There is nowhere. When you have no present worth having, and when you have no vision of anything happening in your future, you think only about the past...how could it be any other way? People no longer know how to be reliable and trustworthy friends - the art of being a friend is dead, and gone, now!
I checked a lot of ending - friendship videos. Lot of videos with nice graphics, lot of videos with many points when I should walk away. BUT to be honest this one was the best one I saw. Simple message which have such a value! Thank you for that! Thank you for your words. Straight and honest.
I'm dreading this....I have to do this ..this week. Ughh.
Nikki K how did it go? I feel the same, I think I have to end what I though was a good friendship this week too.
@@ando1135 It's good to know that I'm not alone.
I just let go the oldest friend I’ve ever been with so far in my life. It has been a really long time since I had that feeling but I was so scared to hurt her. I am still grateful to have her in my life as a very close friend to grow up with. I am so sad that it comes to an end that two of us are hurt, even tho I feel a lot more free after this. But anyway, thank you so much for your video, you taught me how to treat myself right and let go of ppl that aren’t meant to be with me any longer. I wish her the best and I could still say hi to her with a long awaited smile one day if we see each other again
That's all you can do. Wish people well :) xx
My gut kept warning me but I ignored it thinking maybe it was insecurity and that she’s a lifelong friend. I’ve gotten many red flags like disrespecting my boundaries. I’ve terminated her out of my life and I feel better. Listen more to your inner voice as it’s a built-in security system, it’s looking out for you!
Yup, I also ignore my gut feeling towards certain friends and years later it got messy but I’m glad about it though because it was time and I was so tired of being taken advantage of. Learned my lesson to always listen to that gut feeling and to your parents as well. Man my parents both warned me about one of them
What I really liked about your video is that you emphasize the power in stating "Hey our time is done..." It takes real courage to do that. People tolerate mediocre friendships way too much. I have walked away from old mates and it was very hard. I feel like what makes it difficult is that the culture that I come from emphasizes MORE. It pushes one to collect MORE mates on Facebook, be concerned with having MORE Instagram followers, find a home with MORE square footage. Also, I think the culture (American) raises its people to be "emotionally polite" so you are taught to "say things in a certain way" as opposed to being confrontational. We are rooted in a very "customer service" ethos so this holds us back from being daring and unleashing our social genius. For example, a lot of people like to "not say anything" to their semi-friends or their flawed friends and allow the meaningless connections to persist out of fear of being alone or a flawed belief that it is simply good to have a long list of friends as back-ups to take to the cinema with or last but not least, they like the charade of "seeming" to have one's s&%t together so it's good to meet up with old mates (even though deep down, they know these guys don't give too much of a crap about them but one is being socially-engineered to accept their fake tribe because you are trying to (subconsciously) be a douchebag TV character: you have to "appear" social because the void of being by yourself for the whole weekend is too awkward and too tough to handle.) The illusion keeps them from finding real solid friendships. I believe in the opposite. I believe in purging the loads of so-called friends in one's circle. I believe true success comes in thinking independently and applying that to friendships. I believe there is so much glory and happiness in knowing that you may have 2 great friends that love & care for you as opposed to ten glorified acquaintances. And the loneliness is tough indeed to swallow but the choice will pay huge dividends in the future. Thank you for a very lovely and empowering talk.
Well said
This wasn't really a friendship but when someone you're talking to online just says "bye" for no reason it's best not to fix it. If that person wants to be rude so be it. My life revolves around nobody.
Just had to get that off my chest
Great advice. I'm having to let go of a colleague I befriended at work. I felt sorry for her as her boss is awful and she seemed unhappy with her home life. I used to catch her sat at her desk tearing up. Not the best reasons for becoming a friend in hindsight. Since the first lockdown we have been in contact almost daily whilst working from home but since the summer I have found her increasingly needy with her ringing me up during the day to chat and I'm often on the phone to her for over 45 minutes to listen to her either moan about her job, husband or to gossip and give me news about other colleagues. I'm just not interested as I'm not that way inclined. I receive texts at random times of the day I.e 7 a.m or late at night about things I wouldn't bother texting anyone about. I have been finding it draining for a number of months so I'm having to go down the self preservation route and distance myself. She text me the other day saying she'd not heard from me for a few days and asked me to let her know when I would be free for a chat and I responded and said I had too much on with work to stop and chat but wished her a good weekend and hoped that she and her family were ok. She never replied. This lady is almost 60 and I get the impression she doesn't have many friends so I feel awful.
It happened with me also. I didn’t realise it first but then I had to distance myself .
I decided to cut off a friend that was great to me but I was too possesive and wanted too much attention she couldn't give me attention that I needed because of her career. I know she was avoiding me and I made her uncomfortable and toxic, I have my own issues with people and I'm too needy and I just can't be friends with someone I'm a burden to (even though I'm aware this is my fault, she just wasn't capable of doing this decision so I had to do it for her). We were very helpful to each other at one point but I thought that maybe it was purpose of our friendship and we need to split up so we both grow in our own pace. I had doubts about it but I just decided to ignore it. I know I hurt her, but seriously I believe I was just a problem and I need to learn to live alone, and I just couldn't do it without shutting that door behind me, I'd be tempted to reach out to her again.
Konrad Kamiński hey how has it been going? I feel like I was you and I still cant let go of this friend.. i want to let go
At least you had an awareness of what you were doing. Most do not , ignoring the emotional distress they cause others
I’ve always been on the edge of friendship groups and have let go of a couple of people recently whose actions and values I don’t have respect for. It’s quite powerful. I have a couple friends who I don’t see often due to ‘life’ but when we do catch up it’s always nice. I’ve been the go-to for people’s problems and once you realise most don’t return the favour it’s obvious you’re just being used. Wish it hadn’t taken this long to find some value in myself though!
I have an analogy, some people are teapots and some people are cups. Teapots always know how to fill cups, but cups by their very nature, are just not able to fill you as a teapot. You need to find the lesser spotted kettle. They exist. These kettles get filled up by the wonders of life, they feel love for everything including themselves and they don't need filling by people. Aspire to be a kettle and bring more people into your life who are until you do xxx
This was actually uploaded on the day I had to end my friendship with my best friend at the time. What a coincidence.
I have recently ended a friendship . It was a very hard thing for me to do , And I’m still feeling guilty in many ways . But I still feel in my heart I did the right thing for the long term . The friendship was toxic with extreme ups and downs Causing much distress ... The other person took this very badly when I cut ties . But three months down the track I have started to heal , and I have met new friends . People that make me feel good about myself , people that are positive… Then I would say it was worth it .
I finally told a long time friend it was over. Her depression was overwhelming me, and I am a happy person. She doesn't like people and I would often have to reassure her that people weren't out to get her. Finally, I told her that I didn't want to be friends anymore and got no response. I finally did the adult thing. I feel great about standing up for myself for once in my life.
@@scara_escape_artist yes, she was and is seeing a professional to help with her depression.
For months I have been stressing about how to end a friendship with my "bestie" of 15 years. For the last 3 years I have felt our friendship progressively become more and more toxic. I tried to make excuses for her or give her second, third, tenth chances because I used to love and admire her. Within the last year I don't even enjoy being with her or seeing her and I have felt guilty for wanting to abandon her because we had been so close, and her life is kinda shitty now. BUT I have looked everywhere for guidance and answers, strategies. This video has helped me more than anything. It's ok to let someone go, especially if you feel abused or mistreated, just not respected by someone anymore. This friend has also introduced me to a larger group of friends, and I know that when I say goodbye to her, it's saying goodbye to many friends in this group, but I've come to realize that it's going to be ok for me to let them go too. THANK YOU SOOO much for this video and your kind way of putting the facts about ending a friendship. I had seen therapists and talked to a lot of people about it who were not part of the group, watched a lot of videos, but it was this one that helped the most.
I walked away from a 10 year friendship.... I didn’t like who I was when I was in this friendship. It always seemed like there was this underlying issue that seemed like we were not “equal”.... like she was always “up there” while I was “down here” and there was no equality... apart of my issue was that at that time, my self esteem was quite low and I had made the mistake of trying to make her define who I was... NOT healthy at all! Anyways, years pass and she since moved quite a ways away and we talked less and less. And as the years went by and I wasn’t so much in her life anymore, I started getting better at treating myself properly and gaining a better view of myself, and I quickly learned of all the ways that this friendship has been so toxic in my life and unfortunately how negatively influenced this person really was in my life and I restricted her from my social media. Probably not the best action of mine to take, and at the time I just wanted to escape the friendship fast. (Because of the distance, we weren’t really actively communicating on a regular basis anyways) So this time, a few months goes by and she suddenly sends me a message on whatsapp (the only social media I didn’t restrict her from), and asked me what she did wrong.... I didn’t know what to reply, so I left it alone... a day or so later, I find that she’s completely blocked me from everything on social media... I am still torn from this whole experience because this really seemed like a friendship that was really an emotional one. By that, I mean that it’s not the first time I’ve heard her say, what did I do wrong, and then when I would tell her what happened, it would always seem to be my fault because, “you’re too sensitive! I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells with you!”.... of course then I would be the one apologizing to her and then it would be this continuous loop of getting hurt by her and then her getting angry with me for being hurt so by this point of the last and final time she asked, “what did I do wrong”, I was just at the point where I was just DONE with all the emotional stress! yes, I am still blocked by her, but at the same time, I’m actually quite grateful I am not her friend anymore! Anyone who has the ability to drain you emotionally really shouldn’t be in your life.
Great advice. That conversation is very kind but very hard, especially when you don't know why you're ignoring them for a long time or distancing. It just kinda happens accidentally sometimes.
Thank you for this video, it's going to help me face this toxic friendship and end it. It has been affecting my grades my mood, concentration and it's been distancing me from myself. It's always been give and never receive. I can't be with this person who I can't bear to look at anymore. Thank you.
This video helped me a lot. Today, I let go of my best friend. I thought we were friends for life, but it was just for a season. We met when I was considering a certain career, but when I changed my mind, he started demeaning my job choices. I realized that whenever I shared personal information, he demeaned me. I wrote him an e-mail saying we should part ways. His response was merely to thank me for the honest message. I feel free and strangely devoid of anger or sadness. I just feel empty about it.
We are too old to be explaining to people why we can't be friends with them anymore. No need to explain noting to nobody. Keep it moving
Well sounds like the position a bitch would take. Self centered and egocentric.
Exactly, people change throughout their lifespan, and we have to go along with it
😍😍😍💑❤🌷
Thank you so much for this. I needed this badly. Lost my close BFF of 8 years, swore we’d never leave each other, but she cut me off. It’s for the greater good❤️❤️❤️❤️
The ghosting is worse than a direct goodbye for sure.
I understand the integrity of dumping someone face to face. And I have done that and it is really not worth doing it to lessen the pain. But it is also okay to stop talking and distance urself and maybe they will get the hint. However easy for you it is to let go. It sucks but do it. Don’t hang on for scraps
Spot on. Thank you, I needed to hear the word "Values" in your video.
Im in a tough one... i made somewhat of a very close friendship online, we gamed everyday we got each other through some tough times and we had a lot of fun together. They then suddenly as lockdown lifted changed. They suddenly only had time for family, no time to hang out and we drifted apart and i actually got so upset by it i called her out on it. I listed out all the incidents i could remember as a chance for her to help explain or apologize. Instead I got told I was making it very uncomfortable for her and she shifted all the blame on me. I walked away after thanking her for the great memories and blocking her. A few days later she reached out Didnt apologize but explained herself better, her health issues and her priorities. But after being that close a friend her being this disconnected is a bit of a stab in the back, for me close friends should be happy to respond in a timely manner, not just reply to messages but actively reach out too! I’m finally at the point now where I have to ghost her because closure was already messaged 2nd closure would just be spiteful of me. If your friends are making you feel stressed, anxious or depressed thats unhealthy. You need to walk away from them immediately if its a persistent feeling and then when you raise it to them they not only don't apologize but justify their actions. Even if the have severe anxiety, even if they have epilepsy and unable to work even if they have no other friends except you and her wife. I hope that helps someone x
Just to add... she didnt actually do anything wrong, she just didnt have the same values in a close friendship as me. Close friends ARE FAMILY and you dont not keep in touch with family or many other things she did...
Thank you Becky so much - I have found this extremely difficult and have messed up by not expressing my self because I have often felt deep down my words would be thrown back at me, and often they have. Very painful. I am in free fall at the moment. And being able to say that, is a relief. I admire you and your work so much x
That's my Dog snoring! She's heard me say all this stuff to clients a million times, she gets bored! I'd rather have her by my side then make a perfect free film and pay for a dog walker ;)
Becky Walsh that was so funny when I heard the snoring! I was checking post to see if I was the only one! Thanks for the video. I just cut off my best friend of 15 years
Well you merry me i love u forever 😍😍💑💑❤❤🌷🌷
our ethics really don't match. am actually thinking of letting her go.
I completely understand your point of view on telling someone straight up you know our friendship isn't working out for whatever reason. But others like myself might just end the relationship by just ghosting the person meaning ignoring their messages their calls avoiding them at all cost. But honestly, some people don't even deserve you telling them straight out n perhaps that's how bad or toxic the relationship is.
What about the people who they will do the same thing to next? If it's a person who can listen, tell them. You allow them to change for future people that way. I'm so not a fan of ghosting, the withdrawing of attention is used as punishment that has no positive change at the end of the punishment, just confusion and hurt. The people who ghost just can't be arsed or our not brave enough. I know when things are super toxic than you can get into a conversation loop and you have to ghost, but do try the conversation way first when you can :)
If you've tried to tell the person that they need to change and it's not happening, walk away. If a person is dangerous (mentally, physically, emotionally) to your health, I think it's ok to ghost. Just cut ties. I've had to end a friendship like that. As painful as it is, it was worth it to my mental health.
This really helped because I have two friends who don’t really like each other anymore and they’re like being mean to each other and calling each other mean things and I’m like right in the middle of them and I have to pick which one I don’t know I’m just scared and I really feel like we shouldn’t be friends anymore.
I tried walking away from so called friendship but this person keeps on bothering me still.One day, she called and start being her annoying self and being tired that day, I finally blow up and told her exactly what I have been bottling all those years including her bullying and verbal insults about me and my family and that is how our friendship and the rest of the so called friends I had who sided with her ended.Did I regret doing it? Well, I wish I had walk away quietly but in a way, It felt great letting my feelings out. I should have done it earlier than tolerating that bully for almost 10 years. What I learned from that relationship, do not force a friendship especially when you know it is toxic.Do not be afraid to walk away from it.Trust is hard to build and once it is gone, it is hard to recover.
I really needed to hear this. I recently decided to let go of my best friend of 6 years because I feel as if we developed into different directions and she constantly made me feel misunderstood or inferior, I even was afraid to say no to her when she proposed things, even though I didn't want to do them I said yes because I was kinda afraid of her reaction. And i am not saying that is entirely her fault, maybe i am just sensitive and it just doesn't work for me. She didn't take it good and insulted me and wanted me to say I am sorry but I think this needed to happen. I need to be my own person now.
Well come you relationship with me am single 😍😍💑💑❤❤🌷🌷
recently been through an emotionally n physically draining time... needed to isolate myself n focus to get through it. explained this clearly to someone who basically ignored my needs. this ended in resentment and neediness on her part... leading to moodiness and indirect statuses aimed at me on fb etc etc etc... the friendship ended and quite frankly i feel a huge sense of relief. a friend doesnt undermine your personal way in dealing with lifes tough times and then blame you when they dont get the response they wanted. sadly the person has alot of good traits but it still doesnt mean they get to dictate how much of my life they are included in. i refuse to be manipulated by people with too much time on their hands when im busy with life
Tessa Dunkley you are both selfish friends who only cares about themselves. I met your kind who are self centered
@@back2the80s i am far from self centrered... but i admire your ability to judge someone within a minute.
@@back2the80s i help people all the time... i go out of my way... however when i am mentally drained and exhausted and needing space i will take it. simple as that... and ive met your sort before.. emotional sulkers... guilt trippers... far more self centrered than a person who knows how to set boundaries .
I enjoyed your video. It was how I was raised. Too many suffering for selfish and toxic reasons to tear eachother up. Break away clean
This is so accurate. I needed to hear this and I feel the courage to make the jump now and have that conversation. I agree that cutting off suddenly feels out of integrity and it's good to let them know where I stand. It gives them an opportunity to grow and change if they choose to learn from it. Thank you for this video :)
Thank-you so much this helped me so much! It's always nice to have someone on youtube like this!!
yes, i did replace them but i wasn't happy being with my new friends, everywhere i go. i just remembered how genuine and deep my past friendship with my past bestfriends were. I turn so devastated just realizing the loss while them? they already forgot about me. They are already happy with someone else.
I met up with a high school friend a few weeks ago. Its been 30 yrs since i seen him. We got together at the park and hit a few golf balls. Him and i talked about other school mates during our golf swings. After that i told him lets get together for football games or play darts. He doesn't respond back to my texts and takes a long time to return my phone calls. I feel like i was trying to hard but now im just leaving it up to him if he wants to contact me. 1 month later. No contact from him.
Omg this is all I needed , you’re an an angel God bless
Becky a message arriving at the right time. I think we all know when the sands have run out of the hour glass with a friend but hoping to do it is another matter so your guidance has been invaluable. Bless you Anne
Thank you. I needed this. I had to let a 20 year friendship go on New Years (2021). The toxic person had to go.
Some people do things regarding separation in which a LOT of harm is caused causing loss of home, pets, support when sick, family, hardship etc... and really is done with such selfishness and ill regard for the welfare of the other person involved.
Spot on! Great eyes opener. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, many people have difficulty to trust their gut feelings.
One of the best videos I’ve seen on the topic of ending friendships. I love the idea of 2-3 good people replacing the friend you no longer align with.
Thank you. I had no idea how helpful this film would be when I made it :) It's good to know.
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.
I really needed to hear this now. Thank you for those pieces of advice ! :)
I walked away from someone I considered my best friend since we were very young. It still hurts, still remember her and the memories we had. Anyone have any advice on how to get over it? The friendship wasn't okay. It shouldn't feel like you are putting in the effort, you are asking questions to keep up with their life, and they aren't there for you most importantly. You see them making effort with others and not with you. It hurts alot... losing friends breakup can be just as hard as a significant other.
I am in a similar place and grieving as well. I chose to walk away from my childhood best friend and it definitely was a difficult decision. I tolerated certain things that were hurtful out of fear of losing her. I put in the effort to initiate challenging conversations when I felt the vibe was off. Over time, I began to realize I was emotionally drained from the relationship. No one should have to dim themselves in any relationship to feel seen/heard. It has also been an introspective time for me to look within and forgive myself for not having the courage to walk away sooner. To answer your question, I believe the only way to get over it is to allow the feelings/emotions to come. Do not rush the healing process as painful as it is. All we can do is take it one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself and know you are worthy of genuine/healthy relationships.
I feel like I need to let go of someone who cares a lot about me and I him, but there's a lot of codependency and it's emotionally unhealthy for me.
You know what you need to do. It might not be the end. Just enough breath to make a change!
Who else is here in 2020 during COVID19 lockdown 😷
Thank you so much for this video, I really needed to hear this.
showed in my recommendation this shows that tge universe listens to me and all the things am going through.
Straight to the point. All respect.
Thank you Ms.Becky ! I really need this kind of wisdom now.
I've been ghosted twice by long time childhood friends and really hurts. They gave me no closure, no reason for leaving me. And then it's embarrassing when I contact them multiple times to ask why. Then I also had to walk away for the first time from another childhood friend last year but told him why he was so hard to be with. He rejected my reason and proved he was not worth being friends with any more. But at least I had the guts to tell him. Friendship can be hard. There are those who love you and stick by you then there are those who are fairweather.
It can be super hard. I feel for you. Stay strong.
Thank you for guiding us. Just what i needed.
Thanks Becky, that was really helpful. I had to let go of my Russian friend in Moscow because of her support for Putin, which I naively hadn't even considered previously - and the war has made that worse - so I had to send her a 'fond farewell' message last week, and then realised I was grieving. So this has really helped. Big thanks to you and a big hug for this. Bless. ❤
Thank you for your video...I feel guilty about old friend...but I know our time as friends is over....
I needed to see this. Thank you so much
Great breakdown. I needed this
oh my god. you define everything perfectly. thank u so much
Ugh I needed you today! What a great video!
The worst is when you have a childhood best friend for about 33 years and you've known them all your life you say something wrong they walk away they never mention that there was a problem free years so you cannot fix it because they just don't tell you
you just saved my life....thank you very much!