Solve Joint Family conflicts and troubles, with these ideas.
2024 ж. 24 Мам.
35 403 Рет қаралды
Shridhar Maheshwari is a counselling psychologist (M.A). He counsels people on their life issues, trains psychology professionals and makes videos for public education.
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Can u pls talk abt controlling and dominating MIL? How to handle it
Hi Sir, thanks for the video.. I am about to marry a boy in Joint family ( arrange marriage). Basically i am born and brought up in nuclear family i love to be alone. Now i am very scared of this marriage proposal Reasons I was working in corporate and really love my own financial independence. My first scary news from groom family is ... They will not allow DIL to work. It seems they are financially very strong. 2nd Panic is since they are financially very strong.. I felt what if they dominate me a lot ... I know these are my fear reality might be different.. they might really good or might really bad .. Please advise how to enter into family with neutral frame of mind
I think Living with joint family is the worst experience for every single person in the world, i love single family i wish one day we will be free from joint family in sha allah🤲❤
This idea of neighbourhood family is really successful .. Me and my daughter in law were like enemies living in a joint family but now after 8 years they hv moved to a new house ( just 100 metres away) and everything has changed we are enjoying each other’s company..👍
Very good decision mam. And glad that the results r great. But most of the sindhi n punjabi guys run away from this concept thinking that community will call them a bad son n their prestige will be affected in the community. How to change this mind set even in this changing times men's mindset isn't changing. Also being away must have given both of u the freedom from each other's constrains n stress free n trust me being stress free keeps u healthy.
A neighborhood family is a great idea. However, personalities matter!! It does not always work. Some elders are too stubborn to understand boundaries and will never change.
They just spy on what happens near your house/space. Observe who visits yours place, then try to isolate them from you.
And in my case the husband is far from changing cuz his community is such where no one lives in nuclear family n parents breed sons to tc of them n their financial needs in the old age. And their insecurity to get financially isolated by the son makes them the competitor of their dil n they start torturing n dominating her.
Neighborhood family is very good solution, they follow that in Europe, and they are happy ,I saw them smiling and satisfied with their life...it's beautiful
Loved the comment "everyone has to respect everyone " ....this video is very helpful for many
I liked your comment, 'respecting them doesn't mean taking orders from them or giving them authority over your life for the rest of your life.'
You said it..100% true.. parents show partiality between daughter in laws ...even grandchildren too..
This is such an important topic in South Asian culture. The phrase respect your elders should be replaces by you should respect everyone regardless of their age, gender, place in society. Even though neighborhood family is an immediate solution however it not useful if the families resent each other to the point of no return. Which sadly happens a lot in my country.
Bro! U r absolutely correct . And there is no privacy and there is no time for my kids . And we have no time to talk with my husband and my kids. Wherever we go, we should inform and move anywhere. And we have to show whatever we buy there. And we can't save money there. And we can't rai our tone also . I hate this stressful joint family life.
You’re absolutely right bro
Trueeee
Do you really think it's so easy to make understand old people like this. So many in-laws are very dominating.
Right
Right
Right especially mother-in-laws! They feel like we bahus are going to replace them in every way possible. They consider us as a threat. We can't make such people understand as they come up with new issues every morning and quarrel about it.
Right
More than in laws it's difficult to make the husbands understand this. Bloody mummas boy. Yaar koi in patiyo ki umbilical cord kato nhi toh unki muumiya humere shaadi ka gat badhan kat degi.
Great video. i could totally relate to your story. We had same scenes... everyday fights..... moved to another house... grandma getting angry on mom feeling she separated her son from her.... now everything is in peace n harmony
Grandmother tries to influence grandchildren. She wants grandchildren to go against their mother and father. She tries everything possible. Grandchildren suffer due to this.
@@kmayur9628totally agree
True story of my life.... living it while writing this comment
Samee!
I agree, I have seen the neighborhood family concept working. It really takes the bitterness away and people start valuing each other.
I'm a person suffering due to my in laws and husband disrespecting humiliating on daily basis. My life is hell. All the things are true. I am having bipolar depression due to this.
Leave them why r u wasting ur life
Oh God, Please take counseling, My mom was in ur situation 3 decades back, she became mentally disturbed I suffred lot due to this. Please Take care of urself.
You should have some friends to say every thing or seek help
Complain to police
Don't fix yourself that you have bipolar depression. Other family members will take undue advantage of this. Try your maximum to stay calm. Don't share your weakness with others, many people will be waiting to take advantage of it. Only share it with trustworthy people.
Your video is the best video in KZhead I have ever seen!!!! This should reach to all in-laws who are controlling and monitoring son's life :)
The perfect definition of respect 😹
My mom suffered a lot of trouble when she was living with grandparents house which was a joint family. She compromised there due to pressure of society and breaking up joint family. She didn't tolerated there for long and asked dad to move to independent house nearby. It literally solved all the problems. On the contrary, my sister's family was also a joint family. She also asked to have a seperate kitchen as there was a lot of interference. But they agreed for a while but then mentally harassed her to leave house. It was unfortunate for her to have such kind of stubborn people in her life.
"Fight starts from a kitchen"
@@kmayur9628true
Very good solution to get rid of the problems associated with joint families
Thanks dear ❤️ but I think kitchen is the most sacred,powerful and energetic room in home.. almost everything depends on it.. your mood almost all vibrations come from it.If you are not cooking the food with pleasent vibrations..it will ruin everything..
Nice video! 🎉 joint families are good in general imo, but this neighborhood families seems like a good idea as well ! I live in America, and a joint family is when mother and father are together 😂, every other couple is divorced lol
I don't get one thing...when a woman gets married leaves her family to start a new one why can't guys. Is that only the guy's family should get all the attention.. I mean a guy's parents are parents then what about the girl's parents ... ???
Well said
Exactly! I am on same point thou
I ask same question to myself everyday....
I completely agree. Infact, my husband after 8 months of my arranged intercaste marriage said to me, "I won't respect ur parents coz I'm not a liability on u or them but have to obey n respect my parents coz u r a liability on me. It's tradition. " I'm a teacher, although I earn much lesser as compared to my husband but I've never been a liability on him. Just b'coz I live in his house I must obey them?
Superb ..so true. You have covered everything.
Agree 👍 very well explained. Thank you so much🙏
Just wow ... Best idea best explanation ...
Thank u for ur wonderful speech, it is like an eye-opener for me
Really appreciating
Totally loved this video. We are staying in a joint family for a long time... I see lot of pros over cons.. Yet I m unhappy for several reasons. My husband is 40+ and yet, scared to move out only for the definition you defined for " Respect ". My biggest challenge is tackling a loud mouthed, insulting brother in law. He is lazy, 30+, not working and always disrespects and insults everyone. No one dares enough to speak with him. All others think it's ok if he insults and disrespects others. This is causing huge stress for all other members. Yet, none of us plan to move out only for the definition of "Respecting elders". Inws, Neighborhood family's are the best thing we can do. Thank you
I wish things could be in your hands dear💕
Ah, this was what I needed to watch till now, I owe you for this 😇😇😇
I really enjoyed ur speech sir... Actually am a English Teacher...watching ur channel makes me contentful... Don't know why???I want share this with u...some happiness I felt hearing ur vocabulary.. the way u use to enact the situation...Amazing👌👌 language efficiency..quite helpful in many ways.Tqs a lot💐💐 👍👍One of my favourite channel🎊🎉 expect ing more from u🤗🥳
Good share! 👏🏻
Superb video👍
Thank u for this video. Cleared my views now 🙏
Sooo.informative and well explained..con gratz
Awesome bro thank u
I would love to hear about couple goals are confronted with ego and misunderstanding. Cheers.. your videos are making lot of differences in many lives. Thnx.
Superb analysis 👍👍
Exceptional advice, extremely insightful 💜💜thank you!! Xoxo Oregon
You have a great father 🙂💯
Mtlb???🙄🙄
Ur video reminded me of the book I read two years back " Pearls in a string" Together in thick and thin......A must read book for all of us !!This book is a guide.....tells us how to create an environment of family love and growth through togetherness. According to me, we should all try to preserve family values and traditions and stay together. The ability to manage with maturity is what families are all about !!!
Please make a video on how make family understand this concept and understand neighbourhood family is the solution to be happy and bring out true love and bonding between family members
HINDI VERSION: kzhead.info/sun/gd6rmM6lrqqbn4U/bejne.html
I can relate all the problems discussed in this video
Super explanation it’s tooo helpful
Thank u sridhar sooo very true n completely agree this is wat i exactly face these days....n I'm frustrated
Very useful information, 👌 I aslo want to know how we solve our conflict with family members
Thank you Thank you so so much. You solved my all confusions regarding how I can move out from joint family. I can't adjust in joint family I tried for last 8 month and results is stress, overthinking and lots of physical inner problem. Now I can Take decision my own and will take stand for my self. Once again thank you so much bro....
Brilliant Shridhar
Beautiful
This is actually very helpful 👍 Shridhar.... Please provide me the few more brief point on joint family and special how to manage the financial express over parents and kids like a sample plan...
Joint families should be banned 🙏🏼
😂😂
true 😂
Eye-opener
Thanku very relevant
Great bro
But practicly it very difficult to atleast understand forget about the solutions. But ur thoughts are rilli good..
I envy your wife.. these realisation should come from a man. But unfortunately we have some mamma's boy who is ready to ruin his married life for his mother and sister. I had a inter religion love marriage . I am a Christian and he a Maharashtrian. I have known this guy for almost four years before marriage. Our relationship was the most loving caring honest understanding Gave him all the support love attention care also financial support. Only after two months of marriage my life turned out to be ugly. He started by humiliating slowly to abusing to physical torture in just 19 months of marriage. Now we have reached a stage where he doesn't want to have a relationship with me but live with his mother and his married sister.. I still love him so much the truth of life you can never explain a guy who is a puppet and always controlled by them.
How can u love him when he abused u. Move on and divorce him and be free
@@NA-vt6mz what to do we girls love them truly and they use that love against us . i married him with so much dreams in life .. after i came to my mom home informing everyone ,he created issue . now tell me how can i go and live there . i really love him , the pain nobody can understand , i dont know what to do in life next
Rules of the house..seriously! I am an north Indian working in IT girl married to my south Indian telegue boyfriend currently stays in HYD. These people are orthodox Belives if I wear black cloths something will happen to there son. Black is my favorite thou I have quit wearing it. Also it's ban here to wear sleevless. I am fucked up willing to get out of this soon.
Nice
I live in neighbourhood family... Its hell. We live in same building but different floors.We are four brothes and our wives living in this building. There is jealousy issue. All decisions are taken by elder brother and he alone spends fathers property money. Nobody questions him , out of respect.
Thanku sir for ur valuable advice..really I suffer this prblm in my husband's family...
Oh God, Please take counseling if needed My mom was in ur situation 3 decades back, she became mentally disturbed I suffred lot due to this. Please Take care of urself.
Very true
Thank you so much...Pls givei n detail about how a wife and a daughter in law should be treated at home..
Apriciable talk about our myths regarding joint family👌
What we can do if someone trying to take control on us. And our father is also no listening us. Please please tell me, I really need it I'm an aspirant and I'm not able to study in such kind of toxic situations which are happening on the daily basis. I can't even tell you from what I'm going through.
Joint families are fine until each and everyone starts deciding what one is supposed to do in their life.
True
Hello sir, as u said in the video in my joint family there is no financial fairness... It's like others are taking advantage of my husband's money for their purpose.. It's crossing limits now a days...It's frustrating.. How to deal with this..
If you are working then use that for yourself. Try to become financially stable on your own terms. If thats not possible then make your husband invest on something so that other's cannot take advantage. If you have children then make sure don't bring financial matters infront of them.
Same situation in my house. But when the husband is a fool to allow this then I let him f*ck off n enjoy my life. I was saving his every penny sacrificing my needs n he'd that money on his family so I stopped sacrificing n caring about the future. I spend on my needs too now. I live life to my fullest. After all, if my household chores I do for him n his parents r monetized it'll be more than what he spends on me.
Problem with neighborhood families is that even after that the control of thier authoritative figures doesn't go
Hi brother I'm living with my son daughter in law n we keep on having miss understanding n fights offen last night my daughter in law took my grandson n left the house..but my grandson is very fond of me n I'm fond of him i only home she brings my grandson n she should leave her ego n bad habits
Kindly share ways how to make any family as unit of nation functional and supportive 🙂 Plsplspls
Can u make video for single parents especially mother .....how can she take her life beautifully n gracefully in life
good shridar. but expecting some more points
i would like to know how a husband can deal with issues faced between his mom and his wife on misunderstanding and difference of opinion between them ( for eg , mom wants wife to wake up early and do the household chores , while wife wants to rest as she is tired after she does her share of work ) .
I would like a video on how to handle domestic expenditure of home. My sons are not married working and earning good amount my husband is also working..but, no one contributes. I only taught my sons MBA. It is a request for a video. Iam 53 years old but still working with lot of health issues.l want to stop working but they won't allow. They ask me how l will manage expenditure. I would like a video how to pool in the expenditure so that nobody have a burden.
Good morning ☀️ Sir, First & foremost..Big applause for you 👏.. But sir what if .. someone is rooted to their thoughts so deeply that they listen...but they never accept or realize...or should we simply share or try to b happy at our own space.(Individuals).... Kindly acknowledge Thanks
I completely agree. Some people have thought processes and values so deeply rooted in them that it's just very difficult to convince them. Some don't even want to listen to such insightful videos. Dont how to deal with them?
Hello again, I tried to convince my husband to take a couple counselling from one of ur psychologist but he's above understanding. What do I do? And being honest and although I know that u've stopped taking sessions, I really wish to take one from u as I really find ur videos relatable and I don't think I'd be able to related so well with anyone else.
I used to take permission from my mother to go to bathroom for 23 years. After that also till I’m 37 years old I used to call & ask for suggestion for everything …
Please put video for kids problem in join family
Such things can happen in b/w two people also.
Wow!
My father built our house and we also contributed some money from our own earnings..my father gave the whole house and whatever property he had to his only son..now my father is no more and my father's son is constantly making plans to kick us out of the house...domestic violence is very common as he is the only male...he doesn't respect anyone in the family not even my mother except his own wife...his wife is the god of his life...financially we are not in a position to move out since we contributed whatever we had for the construction of this house...please give some suggestions
How can you just assume that grand parents are willingly present to raise grand kids? its just a myth- society have been assuming but its not very true.These days they just want you to start a family ,even if you don't want ,but are not available to care giving. Your kids will always be your concern and more is going to change in coming future.
Am also living in join family...my son is 3 years old ,he is naughty and over agility to doing things..also he gets very angry suddenly... because of family situation..my brother in law's kids with him.. brother in law and his wife are pointing out his mistake very harsh.. because of this situation he doesn't listen to all .. repeat his mistake again and again... he faces mental illness.. because of join family...my husband doesn't want to come From join family... I want my son as normal..can you give a tips for this situation
Joint families need one leading member.
Every religion in the world talk about only love. If you really really believer to your own God or gods you can live very peaceful in join family! Let's make not possible as very possible from you and your family!!
My father is a drunker. He always use abusive words on me, my brother and my mother . No peace in . What to do,,?
True but what if MIL is very authoritative and controlling
Just stop talking to her and stop doing what she wants
Just move out....say you want to stay near office...or go to another city
In India, joint family is not existing whenever women started getting education. We thought education of girls will lead to make better for society but it went other ways. They learnt fashion instead of reality.
But most of the times joint family is really good
What about sharing maids and domestic help? How to decide on that? If one family is not letting go of the maid of the joint family and that's one of the core components for peace and harmony
Nobody should have a maid. We ended slavery for a reason. Stop acting entitled to another humans life. That is like murder, killing a persons spirit ruins their life.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 house help is just another form of profession. Stop calling it slavery and give the dignity of labor domestic help deserves. No one is demanding any right over anyone's life. Just like a human being works for company working for a house and getting salary for the same is not different. Just different skillsets.
Hii sir, whatever you had said is so true, but I have a question, that is if the husband ( elder among the two) is not interested in taking a decision to move, what will we do?
Samee in my case too
I wish if things could be in our hands
Same but my husband is the younger n more successful among the 2 brothers n a sister. My fil a drunkard useless who did nothing for the kids, my mil, a greedy b*tch, n his sis n elder brother n his family, parasites, who suck my husband's income. My fil sent his kids in a municipality school. My husband was bright so managed to get a decent job. My elder bil earns comparatively less so my husband had to open a business for him which he didn't care about n hence it went into loss. All my husband's hard earned money went into loss. Then getting his sister married n the before n after marriage expenses which is ideally meant to be done by her father were done by husband alone. And now my elder bil peacefully lives in a nuclear family n his wife doesn't allow our torturous mil to come to her house. And my husband's parents r both selfish too. They run to son who earns more n my husband compromises his own expenses to give them the luxury which he never got from them. When my fil earned, he first prioritised himself n the children were secondary then why is my husband prioritising his parents? Not all parents n blood relations r selfless. Some parents r selfish too. Whenever I ask him to move in a nuclear family n ask for financial contribution from his sibling for his parents he tells me that I must earn atleast 1 lakh per month or bring money from my parents. He expects me to submissively adjust with my mil's torture n be a good wife n dil. But I'm not raised to be submissive. I need freedom n peace to be healthy but hardly cares about me. All he cares is about his blood relations. He's a hypocrite. On one side he says he doesn't leave n spends on parents cuz they raised him but rejected many girls' marriage proposals cuz they wanted to contribute to their own parents who raised them. He says in our community girls r born only to eat free n take equal rights in their parents' property for her husband n his family but the parents' responsibility must ibe taken care by their son alone. There, it's no equality.
PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON HANDLING MONEY IN JOINT FAMILY
First 😀👍
Are u talking about a family or big boss house
Sir me v ek joint family se hun.me mere pati aur mere beta tino mere pati k elder brother k ghar me reh rahe hain.mere pati ka yahan rehna 25 saal hogaya hai aur mera 10 saal.all family members achhe hain.lekin kabhi toh humen alag hona padega na sir kyun ki ye mera husband k brother k house hain unka 3 son hain .Do ko Saadi kar chuke hain .sab achhe hain.lekin phir v me ek rent house lene k liye decide karke sab saman wahan shift karchuki hun husband k sath.lekin bohut dukh ho raha hai rent house jane k liye aur gharwale v unhally hain .bol rahe hain ki tum log jab naye Ghar banwao ge tab yahan se jaoge itne din Tak tum log 1st floor me rehkar v separate cooking kar sakte ho. Bachha ko padhane me sirf thoda prob hai yahan aur kuch prob nahi hai.1km hai humare ghar se wo rentwala house .jane ka v Mann hai.ghar choddne k liye v takhlif ho raha hai.kya decision lene se sahi hoga boliye na sir please🙏🏻
Aaj hi jagda hua, I mean argument dadu got hyper and talked about distribution just in children's fight we complain but then taiji said that naisha her daughter only hitted my brother on his back but he was saying she hitted on his stomach controversy begen I m 14 so I said in between to resolve the fight but my father said that chup ho ja varna peeth dalunga
Bachhon ke bajah se hi ladai hoti hai mere yahn bhi😅
Good 👍🏻
what can i do my father listen my grand father and i am in a joint family of 14 members with lot of disappointment 😭 it really affect my study but any one dont want to listen this
My family is joint family their all going suprate please any one will not take care of my grandmother
Living with more than 100 people, frustrated 😔
my joint family is financially stronger than my father