Why You Should Stop Setting Goals (Yes, Really) | Emmanuel Acho | TED
In athletics, in business, in life, everyone sets goals. But that's not the way to excel, according to former NFL player Emmanuel Acho, now an author and TV sports analyst. Here's what he says to do instead.
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#TED #TEDTalks #goals
However from his speech what I understood is that he set an initial goal that was unrealistic and he worked in an unhealthy way in order to reach this goal and he failed, but then he set a different goal about content creation, a more realistic one maybe. I think what he is saying is not “don’t set goals”, I think he is trying to say that you should be setting SMART goals and that you should be open and flexible to modify-add-eliminate new goals in your life, and with that I totally agree.
@@sunsetrevivalNo end let us go wrong way and take time right?
Yes you trust the process in getting the goal is all you need to do. The goal will come!
@@sunsetrevivalexactly!
What he's actually saying is that by goal setting you're saying you know what life is going to throw at you, and you already know how best to respond. You're therefore closed to opportunities that are incompatible with your goal. You're also liable to be a bit too ruthless in pursuit of your ambitions, and that's self-defeating. Every goal is set with an incomplete view of the context. Life is a learning journey.
The fact that he injured his leg in the process of achieving his goal is the result of his miscalculation. Goal setting has nothing to do with it. His conclusion is wrong.
This reminds me of the rule my therapist and I set together to stop making goals because it was harming me more than helping me. I constantly feel like I need to be achieving or being productive in order to have any self worth or even the right to exist at all. Because of this, I would talk myself out of things long before I even started. My self esteem was in the dirt and my stress levels were at a constant high to keep overperforming. Taking a step back and living a simple life without feeling the need to earn my right to exist through productivity has greatly lowered my stress levels and I feel happier.
Thank you for this comment, it's like you took the words right out of my mouth
Well.. the idea is not to put final expectations about the goal you set because you may get better chances and better goals. Some people when they don’t achieve their goals, they just don’t see their progress.. that’s why they feel that they’re failure. But some people see they progress and feel happy with it, and that’s how you gain and move on. It’s about taking things easily, do what you can do but don’t expect the ending, leave it open and stay optimistic.
Good point
and that's why in psychoterapy you learn to set realistic goal and not to have your pife revolve around one single thing
I am Indonesian, and this is what my parents (and almost everyone else) taught me. And no, they didn't teach me to live aimless life, they just taught me how to be happy. Took years to understand though 😅
All word is true everytime And one point sagacious for me that " set goal is end , possibility is endless "
Goals are good, but SMART goals are better. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This can keep you on track to achieve success.
But this limit you to a single path (aim), while you could even achieve more. Nevertheless, GOAL- SETTING HELPS TO FOCUS TO SOME EXTENT.
No its what he's saying, he set himself an unrealistic goal with specific limitations then failed miserably, then set himself a realistic goal with no limitations basically a SMART goal. But at the end of the day, goals are not the mitigating factor MOTIVATION is. So many goal setters lack motivation. That's why people succeed, by being motivated by what you do or want to do. Motivation is the key. It's why most people fail because they set goals for things they think they should achieve or need to achieve, but aren't really motivated to.
Smart goals are really not smart because you don't know how much you can really accomplish the framework doesn't really apply
I totally agree with @ _- - - __ Goals are good smart goals are better. Even though Emmanuel wasn’t able to get in the third round, he still achieved his goal of getting into the NFL. Even his own example of the guitar player for metallica was a goal. Remember, to be able to play the guitar a little bit better each day. Well that kind of sounds like a goal to me. And I’m sure there were other goals in there that led him to be a rockstar. Could you imagine going in to a classroom with students and giving them a speech about goals, and at the end, you say this. The goal that you achieve is actually the penalty that you will receive for setting that goal in the first place.
Never work even in the greatest companies I know .. This is very stressful for humanity
As a business coach, I'm all about goal setting but he's got a point here. It's spot-on - rigid goals can limit our potential and lead to burnout. It's a fine balance.
No one seems to know when you have achieved the balance. It's a moving goal post....
Great talk both content and the way he deliver. I thought this kind of thinking a little bit same as what Steven Covey shared on his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He mentioned three things for life direction: Purpose, Dream, and Goals. - Purpose is the direction we set and never achieved. e.g. I am in Antartica (south of earth) and I my purpose is go to north. North is direction, no ending. - Dream is checkpoint and a little bit vague but still more obvious than purpose. e.g. the dream is go to Argentina, Brazil, Mexico, US, Canada, Greendland, etc. (always heading north). - Goal is more obvious and actionable. e.g. the goal is finding ship towards Argentina, book the schedule, go to pick-up point, sit on the ship, etc.
Yes! Absolutely!❤️
“Goals” and “objectives” are purely semantics. The idea is to have reasonable, achievable plans, and continue to set and work toward new ones all the time, not to have pie-in-the-sky aspirations.
Really great talk. Inspired me a lot. I set a goal to enter the honors of psychology. But if I am not stopping love psychology. Now I don’t want that goal. Enjoy the process and do well instead. Thank you Emmanuel.
You set a direction and go. No need to set the end point.
Gotta say I never thought about it like this but he’s right. To have a goal is to limit your own potential and deem yourself a failure if life happens in pursuit of your goal. Shooting for the stars and landing on the moon is still noteworthy and provides valuable experience/expertise that may enable you to land on a comet.
Thank you for this share. I have never set goals and I was very successful. The focus on myself lead me to being successful no matter what I did. My focus was on being the best I could at everything I did. I never wrote down goals when I became a realtor and I didn't know how I would do any of it....I just knew I would do it. I trusted myself. I built a repeat and referral business and became top producer for 3 years out of 6.5. I became a realtor when I was 5 months pregnant and single. I never get let down and as I grow, I always surprise myself and celebrate each milestone. 🔥☝️
I'm sure you had goals through all of that.
@@delandomcwilliams5737 not exactly. I am always great at what I do and trust that I am guided where I need to be at the right time. I have more of a belief than a goal. I trust that everything happens as it should and I trust the timing. When I am focused on growth and going with the flow, it just works and aligns.
@@hollyrichardson144 If you focus on growth, the you are setting a goal. Growth is your goal. When you applied for a job, you set a goal to get that job. You found it, applied for it, and you get it or you don't. You had a goal. When you set goals with wisdom, there is a better outcome. You will never fail. That goal may not workout but there is a lesson learned and growth from it. Setting a goal like, "having this amount of money by this time," or "being married by this age," are not goals using wisdom. Use wisdom in our goal setting. Have you ever planned for a vacation? That's setting goals right there. Saving money, seeing how much it will cost to travel, etc. Just use wisdom in our goal setting.
@@delandomcwilliams5737 I hear your words. We each have our own interpretation of word-terms. Common goal setting consists of sitting down, planning out your day, setting a weekly agenda and a 5 year plan; this is my interpretation.
@@hollyrichardson144 I have goals and I never sat down and had a five year, 3 year or yr plan. I set goals though. But to each is own.
Love this thought process!!!
This ted talk is about opinion of someone,so I appreciate this,Having thought,Goals are very pivotal for everyone to achieve something in the future
The thing that I understood is that... He wants to tell his audience that when you set a goal you it's basically you are setting limitions for you. If you want to be limitless then you need to focus in the possibilities around you. Its not neccesarry to stick to one goal but also you can go with the other opportunities that you have along way. Setting goal is not bad thing but bad in the way when you bound your self only on achieving that goal. You can do better by having to achieve things limitlessly. I believe that when you have goal then it makes you to be focused and motivated.
So much charisma Great speech!
Goals are limiting in the sense that it has an end. I can relate to him because there were times when I set goals that were damaging because I overworked myself and sacrificed my sanity for it. Overall, it wasn't worth it. Every time I set a goal, I'm never satisfied even after achieving it because it has an ending. I genuinely agree with him.
without goals people just exist. im not saying that everyone should jump over their head to smth unachievable, my point is that everyone at least should have a minor goal which able to make yourself happy it might be losing weight or leading a healthy lifestyle and whatsoever but have a goal , work toward them and set new ones
genuinely curious, do you believe that meaning comes from what your accomplishments are?
people 'just exist' anyway
@@lukaloncar1154 everyone has different values , and speaking of me i like to track my path of achievements it shows my progress line from which point i was able to stand up to
Not that it matters, I'm one voice amongst many, but I think what he was really referring to were dreams, not goals, but he did make an eloquent argument for his position. Well done.
I agree, and whilst I still have a position of difference to his argument, I highly enjoyed consuming and digesting this absorbing talk. Kudos, Mr Acho, indeed.
im pretty sure he said goals
I understand this as a record breaking lifter. Goals to me were limiting. When folks would ask “how strong do you want to be” and I would always say “there will always be more weight that can be lifted” - so my “goal” was to be as strong as possible.
So you set a goal.
@@chocomalk I can see how it would appear that way and you are not wrong, but I never set a specific goal. Being as strong as possible is relative. But if we were to say I set goals, then I suppose my goals would be to be adaptable to change toward bettering myself mentally and physically in ways that are conducive to the needs of my environment.
@@Willful.Mystic I feel like it is, but that is my observation. I understand this because I’ve been asked many times about my goals - I don’t have goals because they are limiting IMO - which is mentioned by the speaker 💜
I understand there is a difference but it's not in setting a goal, specific or otherwise, its about the difference between goals and expectations. @@BigPrincessSam
Goals ≠ expectations@@Willful.Mystic
Well, I've heard this message 3 times now so I suppose it's what I need! For my art practice it was "focus on the process, not the outcome". That's another good way to put it for anything you do.
It’s called setting SMART goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound. I agree, setting unrealistic goals can be harmful but setting good goals can guide someone to success e.g money, fame, strong and healthy relationships, whatever your values are.
Some ones a project manager 😉
I beg to differ. It's good to have big dreams, it gives you meaning and purpose. If you don't achieve most of it, then that's a risk you take in life. But people who usually achieve great things have a singularity of purpose and laser sharp focus. If you advice that those people take out time to smell the roses and live life, fine. But don't say they shouldn't have goals.
for me personally, I set goals and I never land even remotely near to them. It becomes so soul-crushing, to miss every single time you aim, that I stopped striving for anything in particular at all. I don't think it's that my goals are too grandiose, but rather my perception of what I am capable of completely differs from reality. I wonder, if I stopped setting strict measurements for my goals maybe I could be happier ... because there wouldn't be a set, arbitrary metric that I failed.
@@harriiyo my perception of failure is different because I don't measure it through the lens of happiness, I measure it through the lens of fulfilment and meaning. I will gain meaning if I try to achieve my goals and I understand that will take time. Happiness is flitting, happiness to me is reading a manga chapter, watching a KZhead video or eating my favourite food after work, or coming up with an innovative idea at a particular moment.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. There isn't much I actually act-upon to cultivate happiness, that aspect of living is very much on the back-burner.. my parents taught me that if I'm not making money, I'm just wasting time. I have a lot to unlearn and I hope the rest of my life can be more fulfilling. @@benceze
Just be better every day. Words to live by
This is so good I never thought of it like this but it makes sense!
Goals ≠ expectations.
Having a clear goal is essential. Without setting goals, we can not become the ones who we want. Aimless people lose the truck, and they will ultimately lose themselves.
Right because we’ve seen people with many goals set, not necessarily by themselves, succeed always and not lose themselves ever.
I see what you are saying, but what i understood from this video is that we should not be traveling towards a destination (a goal), rather we should travel in a direction (something without an end).
@@lukaloncar1154 um
When I was in school, I wasn't concerned about grades. I just wanted to enjoy myself. I looked forward to learning every day. I was an almost all A student for most of my time in grade school. When I was in eleventh grade, my mom decided that that wasn't good enough and started pushing goals on me. She would scream at me every night about how I wasn't doing well enough. After a few months, I burned out from the stress and my grades started dropping, so she pushed harder. Dad joined in when I started college and things just kept escalating. Maybe you work better with a clear end goal, but that isn't the case for everyone. In most areas, I function better just winging it, not focused on where I'm going but just on doing things my way and seeing where that leads. I still have people setting goals for me and pushing me incredibly hard towards those goals. All of the pushing ultimately causes a lot of harm. Mom and Dad treat me better now, but the damage has been done. Other people are involved now and I haven't gotten a break in over a decade. People keep deciding I need to be pushed harder to achieve the goals they want me to achieve. If their answers don't work, they decide I'm not trying hard enough.
Love you, Mr. Acho! Hope I get to work with you someday!
وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ... على اد طول الصبر بيجي الجبر والفرح ❤️
Thank You.🥺😭
I'm so averse to failure that I've avoided goals at all costs. So I've taken to this idea of improvement and consistency. I do need a kick in the pants sometimes, so trying to blend the two concepts.
It has been absolutely proven that dopamine comes only when striving for and the anticipation of reaching a goal. Without goals depression sets in. However, one must set small, realistic goals within a plan. Changing direction or refocusing a goal is NOT failure, it’s just life. Balance is key. Always set reachable goals. The more you can deposit into your personal bank account, the more self-confidence and self-love will become yours.❤️
The key to setting and reaching your goals is creating finely detailed steps. You write out SPECIFIC steps you will follow to reach them. I lived in poor quality housing and set a goal to move into safe, clean surroundings within 3 months. Step 1. I will research available housing within the area I want to live. I will spend 2 hours everyday doing so beginning 6pm tomorrow. Found 6 units by day 3. Step 2. I will spend 2 hours from 7pm to 9pm beginning tonight determining how much I will need for a security deposit and monthly rent. Step 3. I will open a savings account and set up auto transfer of $50 a week from my checking account right now... It took almost a 1 year but I reached my goal. There were plenty more steps and some fine tuning necessary as you can imagine plus a few set backs along the way; finding time, getting lazy, emergency spending, and such. My comment is not meant to tear the guy down, but to counter the negativity imbedded in his advice. Good luck. p.s. never set goals that depend on other people behaving a certain way.
رحمة الله أعظم من كل شيء وفرجه أقرب مما تتخيل ♥️
I think need to have ending target to avoid out of control. Should both, have goal and object. Thank you.
Consistency & not limitations🌹🙏
Sounds like something I read in atomic habits
Thanks Emmanuel. I will always open my mind to possibilities than limited aim.
Well done sir
It means the fixed mindset when you made a mistake and u think that you a really bad person (he said "damage and self-esteem"). But instead of thinking of your personal ability there is growth mindset. You can make a mistake, but u are not a loser. You have made a mistake, you can fix it. Just keep going and don't give up. It was my opinion.
really excellent
it's about the actions instead of the final result. I understood that he said that a bunch of goals can limit yourself to growth because you're not focusing on the actions, but only on the end of the goal. And to reach that goal, maybe the actions cannot be the best option.
لم يتأخر أمرًا إلا وبعده عوضًا جميلا ❤
Great speaker. Loved this show. Not sure this thesis is solid
What a bowl of boloni…
great talk he focused on Outcome Goals, if possibly he set Process and performance goals it would have led to the desired goal.
Thật tuyệt vời ❤❤
❤❤❤🎉🎉 thanks
This talk I thought it would be rediculous at first, but I was wrong, his idea is much like the idea in the book I once read, internalizing your goal.
Thank you, Lord that you didn't. I love to listen to you. Such an inspiration ✨️
literlly everything you do is a goal. In the back of your mind you are thinking about archieving that certain action, object, or status. Getting a little better at guitar each day is a goal. I think not setting goals it terrible. I've archieved the most sucsess in my life by creating goals and sticking to them. However, I do agree that you should focus more on the plan you will follow rather than the goal itself. When you set goals youre commited to without a plan you begin to loose yourself. Acho seemed to have a pretty good plan tho; gym at 6 AM, running, eating good, overall treating himself like a professional athlete. I believe he made this video not because the goal ate him up but because that vision of checking that goal he wrote down every night ate him up.
He is right! F. Goals. Goals are for corporations eho use you as a rag doll. Live you life.
It is so strange listening to the 1st 4 minutes of this tedtalk, its like he isnt listening to himself, am i missing something? He achieved exactly what he focused his mind towards achieving, he set a goal to NOT be drafted In the 1st 3 rounds. It is crystal clear, he wrote it down, highlighted it and read it those words every single day (You will not be drafted in the 1st 3 rounds) even though he intended the opposite he committed to the message he set his mind to everyday. That was his goal and he achieved it in a, sadly, painful manner. Now all that aside, lets take a moment and reflect on the manner he went about to acheive his intended goal of being drafted in the 1st 3 rounds, he put into operation a poor plan in place. He says it in the 4th minute of the tedtalk, about why he tore his quad, he dehydrated himself andntried to cut weight too fast etc. The problem wasnt the goal setting. He might have very well achieved it. The problem was that he set a poor plan of action to achieving his goal
I get you.
This is an incredibly inspiring way to put a spin on the way you think about goal setting! Objectives without limitations
I agree. However, you have to set SMART goals.
Goals setting limits you from the great possibilities god hv for u when u believe simple believe.. and hv things in ur mind u wanna attract … Goals stressing ppl .. U must just feel and imagine what u want the subconscious doesn’t understand the real or imagined u just close ur eyes when u wake up first thing and before sleeping , never ever set goals only see when u close ur eyes this all will happen what u see and feel high .. It will happen trust blindly and the feeling and opportunities will Come to u then work on it thts all coz u call these opportunities by imagining how u want ur life looks like
"I really enjoyed this video! The editing was great, and the information was presented in a clear and concise way. I learned a lot about "Why You Should Stop Setting Goals". Thanks for sharing!"
Personally I don’t follow certain traditional steps in creating goals for myself. You see, being a person who’s messy all the time, it’s not always the best idea to be so rigid with organization, so on and so forth.
@sophiaisabelle000 as I am not a native speaker, I could not understand your last sentence. Will you tell me that again. In particular, this one [ so on and so forth]
It means he wants to give more examples but the first one is understood well enough for his situation as a 'messy person' so he doesn't need to add any more examples. 'So on and so forth' is an older English expression to mean 'more and more and even more forward until the end' but more poetic haha@@KING_SADAT
What do you do then
That was interesting, I never thought about that in this way. It was so helpful and makes me to set goal for my life in a different way.
Onde upon a time, TED Talks used do to be more than empty motivation. Took 12 minutes do tell a tale that should be a short, at the most.
Getting better every day, love it. I majored in Psychology and hated the profession then went back to school majored in electronics and 1997 the school had Cisco server teachers from CB radio dept thought it was a fad. i still remember their program, we talked to Russians and chineses today.. Wow, the internet was something I just wanted to learn. Today, I have it on my phone. Yes, Life is random.. Surfer Frank ❤❤❤
My conclusion like everything in life is BALANCE!
Gotta say. I loved it 🙌🙌🙌🙌
Thank you so much for bringing up this.
“Oscar Wilde said that if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it - that is your punishment, but if you never know, then you can be anything. There is a truth to that. We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing - an actor, a writer - I am a person who does things - I write, I act - and I never know what I am going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.” - Stephen Fry
Goals can be of two kinds, and the kind he is talking about not setting, he's right about. You can''t expect to succeed at a goal that depends on other people's choices, like (for example) whether or not as an athlete you will be chosen for a team, or as an actor you will get a part in a major movie production, or as a book author you will sell 1000 copies of your first book in the first week after publication. You can aim for those things and do your best to be in a position where you can reasonably compete, and if everything works together you MIGHT attain to what you want, but the ultimate choice is not yours. Some people do well when they set goals for themselves that they can work toward, even very high goals. For some of us, it's true that setting goals that are too high can be discouraging rather than motivating. I always remember what Chris Baty said about the National Novel Writing Month challenge, where you set a goal of writing 50,000 words in 30 days. What if you only write 5,000 words? Have you failed? He said, "That's 5,000 words you would not otherwise have written." It's how you train yourself to view such a challenge that makes the difference. I think Mr Acho is right about the kind of goals he is talking about.
i'm not a fan of goal setting either, why should a week of less educated me thinking about future, set path for years of what i do in the future ? i'm more a fan of best path possible follower, and it won't change your path drastically everyday (i wanna become a musician today, but next day would want to be a physician), the reason for lesser wiggle is that the path you've come so far can also shape what is best path possible, and you may end up as a physician who finds new therapeutic aspects of music or another combination of newfound possibilities
I guess they let anyone give a ted talk these days. Also, the key takeaway was supposed to be - know your limits. That muscle tear didn't happen because he set those goals. Also, he psyched himself up too much. There's a price to and I quote 'doing it all'.
لا تيأس فرحمة الله ستجبر قلبك قريبًا بما تتمناه 😍💜
I wonder how many people in the comments watched the full video and not just read the title.
So you're saying the title was misleading?
Very interessting point of view. I think if you are setting very specific goals, you are really overestimating your capabilities of shaping the future. I had many goals in life so far. Somtimes it worked out, sometimes not. Am im happy today? Yes. I know, its hard to accept for a lot of people, but ending up lucky or happy is created buy pure luck most of the time.
This is bad advice for most people, and targets other highly motivated, high functioning people like himself. And he’s confusing goals and objectives. Always have goals. When it comes to objectives, make them attainable and don’t hold yourself overly accountable.
Ted rarely post good talks anymore
Thank you. Very good video❤❤❤
Awesome.
He is sooooo right.
Thank you. Very good video
I think this might be a similar idea to living a life rather than completing goals. Like playing a guitar to the Metallica guitarist was a part of life not just a goal.
I think i can make these changes
Savage
I disagree with some but he does have a point
I disagree with Sayed Jallaludin-Rashidi. Having an idea of a destination is a good thing , strict goal setting restricts your journey and limits you. Some of the strictest goal setters lack motivation, they fail due to this.motivation is key.not goals. This is a great TED talk .
I know he hates it, but I gotta say: semantics. 😅 The goal of improving daily is still a goal. If you don't notice any improvement a couple of weeks in, you know you failed. He's got a point about the need for balance, though. If it's too close you get lazy, too far and you might harm yourself and feel frustrated if you don't reach it. The right mindset focus on progress and on the love for the process, instead of being result-oriented. For sure. But I feel like it's also important to learn to see failures in a more positive light. Like they're steps on the ladder to success. They might be unpleasant steps, but if you've taken them, you're closer to where you wanna go. “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” - Thomas Edison
I think the problem was you were reading “you won’t be drafted” instead of “I will be drafted”. I get the pain when you don’t reach your goals but having an aimless life is even worse.
You clearly didn’t watch the whole video.
You didn't tear your quad because you were too focused on your goal. You tore it because you starved yourself for two days. The goal was good, the execution was bad.
He probably didnt stretch
اللهم يا من قلت وقولك الحق (وَعَلَّمناهُ مِن لَدُنّا عِلمًا)، ارزقني من لدنك علمًا يقربني إليك.
Life is about circumstances …
What utter codswallop! What on earth has this channel become? My goal is to get to 12 stone. At the start of the year, I was 9 stone 12 lb. On 21/7/23, I was 10 stone 8 lb. On 08/08/23, I was 11 Stone 2 lb, On 29/08/23 I was 11 stone 6lb I'll stick to my goal. I seem to be doing ok. I'm fitter and stronger.
His success predominantly relies on his natural talent and remarkable ability to execute. It's not about setting a goal or not.
I have had some pretty shocking goals and i have achieved them but i kinda get what he says but it is still vague for me.i think i need ro hear more.its intriging but its kinda here and there it doeant give u something to act on.he set a goal himself saying he wants to be an influencer and all or playing the gittar better everyday is a goal too...
Wow, so the only way to fail is to set a goal. It makes sense cause without a goal there`s no mark to hit and therefore even if you don`t hit the mark you didn`t fail because that was never the goal or mark. I don`t know now that I am writing it down, it doesn`t make much sense to someone reading it but I understand.
Ok @TED. This is super click bait and personally I expect better from this platform. For the gentleman to be on the stage, their had to be goal setting. His goal here is to say there shouldn’t be goal setting. What the issue here is one of his education in what failure looks like and to identify the difference in failure v feedback. The fact he is using analogies about cultivated social media is shocking to say the lease. To finish, I would suggest the fact he has a master’s degree would suggest he truly believes goals are important and counters his whole talk.
What if my goal is to not die from cancer? Should i not set that goal?
Yeah, it would be better coz your brain will release some chemicals that would be stronger than cancer cells.
Have a goal/plan of treatment
That is an objective, not goal based on what he is saying. A goal would be very very specific. E.g. I want to live past 200. Then you focus on all your effort to live past 200.
@@pencilcheck aha gotcha 👌
If anyone knew how much I want to release my songs and make more money from them than my last job... I guess that should be the goal. A goal without limits!
This guy should set a goal to achieve a pair of pants in his size.
Does the Ted talk target different audiences?
Thanks Emmanuel, this was extremely helpful, lots of takeaway here. It's interesting to think about and makes complete sense for someone in a position of saying, well, I succeeeded in achieving some goals, other goals I did not reach. Yet here I am, the world didn't end. I don't feel like ending my life. I occasionally feel like a failure, but I cannot really fail at being a human being. Generally speaking I am not unhappy. Although that project of being this particular human being definitely has an unknown end date sometime in the future. I like the way Kurt said it, that is an open-ended and achievable goal where you cannot fail. If you had said, "I want to be the best football player I can be and see where that takes me." That would've been a better goal, but I can see where you are saying that would be limiting. "I want to be the best human being I can be." Slightly better, but maybe too vague. What about "I want to learn something new every day." I think that is pretty good. Maybe as a creative you can say "I want to be as productive creatively as I can be." Then this goal has some aspects to it, criteria and open-ended subgoals, and your day kind of maps itself out. Once, my Dad asked me "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said "Happy." What if someone had the more specific goal: "I want to be happy just to be alive." Now we are cooking......You successfully de-toxified achievement culture.
The Buddha was correct, all goals lead to suffering. Either because you didn't achieve them and so you suffer, or worse, you do achieve them and then what? onto the next goal? yet more suffering.
Sorry, but the speaker sounds like he still has yet to come to terms with his "failed" NFL career. Just because you're in a goal to be in a relationship doesn't mean you have to put up with toxic behavior. You can just adjust your goal to be in a NON-TOXIC relationship and end the bad one. It's not the goal that's bad; it's that you set the WRONG one. I have goals, (some vague, some specific), but I keep myself open to possibilities I have yet to imagine. For example, I always knew I wanted a master's degree. It was never even an option. Then I set the goal of obtaining a PhD, but not sure about that one now. Or sometimes I set unreasonable goals just to see how far I can push myself. The possibilities that goals can offer are limitless. Playing the guitar better each day is still a goal. Vague goals involve less pressure, which can be good or bad. Sometimes goals need to be specific in order to provide the right amount of motivation. In sum, this speech is an oversimplification of a complex phenomenon. But then again it's a TED Talk. Most of them sort of go this way.