How to go to a bar by yourself and enjoy making friends with strangers.
In this video, I am wearing
Brooks Brothers tweed blazer go.shopmy.us/p-3385389
J Crew Oxford shirt - go.shopmy.us/p-3342961
Otaa tie - go.shopmy.us/p-3867013
Tie bar pocket square - go.shopmy.us/p-3342969
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Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:40 Why?
2:05 Finding the right bar
3:56 Starting conversations
6:17 Becoming a regular
6:58 Conclusion
I tried this. Spent the first 10ish minutes sitting alone sipping my cocktail. After about 10 minutes, another dude sat down next to me and opened with “so you watched the same KZhead video I did, huh?” 😂 I guess this truly is a lost art
No way did that really happen😂😂😂😂
No shot that happened
I call 🧢
Yeah, it's not a lost art. I started doing this maybe 20 years ago, and if I suddenly had to move to a new city, I'd do exactly this to meet new people who could help me find my way around the new social environment. It only seems like a lost art to people who've never left the town they grew up in.
Funny guy. 😂
I thought I was an alcoholic, turns out I am a continuer of an ancient art.
😂😅😊❤
THIS
Thank god I'm already on the toilet i just pissed myself😂
The ancient art described here only applies if you're visiting a bar outside of the towns you know and are familiar with. If you keep doing it in the town you grew up in, it's just alcoholism.
Same! Been going to bars alone because friends don't either are locked up in relationships or don't like bars in general. My favorites are karaoke bars but speakeasy's are great and especially, scotch focused or whiskey focused bars.
If only more bars had zero television.
Damn straight.
💯
I hate the TVs, although, if done right, and the size of them.... There is a bar in Williamsburg BK that purchased those really nice Samsung Frame TV's and they show gorgeous changing art and photography. That is actually nice. All else, is pretty low level nonsense.
They are such a huge distraction.
💯💯💯💯
Some of the best conversations I’ve had are with strangers while alone at a bar. Many people are willing to chat with you if you are friendly towards them.
Absolutely
doesn't matter, bar is a place for loners too
I used to work on the road and I’d spend most nights at a random bar or local eatery in random towns across the US it is insane the kind of sincerity strangers will talk to you with when they aren’t concerned with how that’ll affect one of their relationships I remember getting coffee at my hotel in some flyover state and this guy telling me him and his wife were on their way to adopt their granddaughter after their daughter had died of an overdose Just exist, he present, and open minded. You don’t need to respond to everything and just listening and asking questions is all you need
not really, but okay
True and surprisingly I remember them well, especially in airports with random travelers.
"Just exist. It's OK." Wise words, Sir.
Thank you
@@Gent.ZI agree. Simple yet very impactful. I’m gonna start watching more of your content
But remember it's sad to go solo to a bar according to his majesty. Remember
Honestly I think we, as a generation, need this advice. Everything is posted, tweeted, filtered, and hashtagged that it almost feels... incomplete, or unallowed, to just simply... exist.
@@ravenillusion2596some people can’t be alone.
I used to work at a bank, so blazer & tie was SOP for me. I went to this bar that I knew of. It was a black bar. I'm white as snow. When I stepped in EVERYTHING stopped. All eyes were on me. Nothing but crickets chirping. I slowly walked over to the bar, sat down, & ordered a dirty martini. I took 1 sip; it was very good! Lifted my glass to the bartender & said "Cheers". All the fest ivies started to resume. I met the owner & we had a very nice conversation. I had a great time. I'm glad I did it. I recommend that everyone try it just once.
Cheers to that!
Lol ….
Was Otis Knight and the days playing, and did you see John Belushi by any chance?
@@_Coffee4Closers yeah, & did the brothahs walk over and go, "Doo you mind if we dance wid yoh dates?"
Everyone clapped
"Just exist. It's OK" this sentence light my heart. Well says!
But remember its sad to go solo to a bar according to his majesty remember
Live don't just exist its fun not giving a F**ck what anyone else thinks
@@splod44people for the most part are tribal and want to be a part of a group. You would have to be ok without that and also not be an introvert. It's a lot to ask, it seems.
Staring off into space and zoning out is extremely underrated.
It's nice to just.. 'be' sometimes. I agree.
Exactly man, just sit have a drink and dive into your own mind for a little bit and level out
As a bit more introvert type of person I think that for smooth enter to what is described here taking a bit more passive stance at first and allowing myself to just down a drink, or two while thinking about life and then go will be a nice half step try before active being social and it will be great space to feel the place a bit and maybe even process emotions from current things in life. After watching I'm eager to try but I'll allowe myself gentle enter before trying to talk, but I'll try to be open and nice if someone approaches me.
That always happens to me because I’m an extreme introvert.
That's totally how I used to roll.
After my divorce I found myself trying to create a new social circle. One thing that helped was becoming a regular at my local bar. It really is a community. Great video, sir!
That's awesome, good for you sir! I know WAY too many people in my life that were in that same situation and instead of getting out there and mingling, they sat in the garage/house apartment etc. moping and hoping for life to get better. There's nothing like getting out into your community/surroundings/city etc. and meeting new people of all sorts.
@@jadizmit’s an easy trap to fall into. Some days I don’t feel like leaving the house, but I make sure to keep a good balance of “me time” and socializing.
I spent two years staying at home not socializing after my divorce. Went to this dive bar on a whim for karaoke a few years ago and have made some great friends.
@@moxdonalds925sounds like my story! I made some great friends through karaoke, too!
I've been to a bar by myself before. I sat alone for nearly half an hour before a group of people approached me to have a conversation. But they did! I think the advice you gave is accurate. Also, a small tip for you guys. Offering to take a photo of a group of friends who are taking photos of each other is a great way to introduce yourself.
What do you do after you take their pictures though? Do you just keep talking with them? My first instinct would be to take the picture and be on my way
@@silverdragon1000 Feel out the situation. If they aren't open to talking to you then yes be on your way. However, they might be open to it. In the situation I mentioned i did just keep talking to them. This is how the scenario played out in my case: I entered the bar and sat down for a bit. Then I saw the group of friends taking photos of each other. I offered to take a photo of them. They said NO! But then after 20 minutes they came back asking for the photo. And afterwards we talked for like 20-30 minutes!
@@silverdragon1000 scroll through their photos and comment on them.
@@silverdragon1000like the fella said in the video, compliment what the people are wearing, ask them something about the area, ask them what brings them out tonight, just break the ice as you are between pictures. Especially if you want one of them to smile more for the picture, give that person a genuine compliment, snap the picture, and keep going.
Learning to do things alone is a great way to develop self-confidence. Not just going to bars, but I also like going to nightclubs and dancing alone, going to cinemas/theaters alone, eating at cafes/restaurants alone, going on vacation alone etc. This can challenging but very rewarding...
Last point is really relatable. I'm a young fella who has been having a bit of a hard time socializing since I started working. Went alone on vacation twice already and loved both times. It made me crawl out of my comfort zone enormously, always met new people. A lot of nice ones, but also some strange ones.
@@mr.trueno6022 yeah Ive had some great vacations on my own. Also going off and exploring somewhere new alone when on vacation with other people. But I don't recommend it if you don't speak the local language - I had some slightly scary experiences alone and lost in Tokyo and Rio de Janeiro.
@@Peter-gu9phsorry about Rio, people are friendly but hardly you will find someone to speak English and give information, they will try giving info even it’s wrong… hahah. Im in vacation alone now in Malta, and it’s been good. Scared at the beginning but now 3 days later I understand that me time it’s good, and be alone with my thoughts became enjoyable.
You couldn’t pay me ten thousand dollars to dance. You couldn’t pay me a hundred to dance by myself. Similar with public speaking. Hearing myself speak in my room alone is almost as challenging as actually speaking to others.
Im going to poland alone for a week and everyone thinks im crazy lol
Nice video! I'm a single man mid 30's with no kids. I have nothing to do on the weekends since my friends all are married with kids so do not go out at all now themselves. I see nothing wrong with going to a bar alone. It's better than being at home alone depressed.
Drinking in itself is a dumb ass thing to do. Becoming a regular at a bar means spending lot of money doing something stupid. Unless you are a woman or someone important no one talks to you anyway.
And I am a man whos in his late 20's, though I am not a frequent drinker, I go to places alone and enjoy it. I had a lot of friends but in time I lost contact; most of them was volintarily on my side. Nothing wrong with hanging out alone. Actually, its much better since you can be totally yourself and spend time with yourself. Loners rock! :)
Get yourself a woman, it isn’t going to get any better. It’s family time
@@-Swamp_Donkey- nowadays its hard to come across with someone you can trust. Its easier said than done :)
You are doing in wrong. I walk to the bar near my house all of the time. It is great as long as you don't become a complete loser and start doing drugs and taking the slags home.@@elminero49
Before the days of TV the local bar was the "everyman's social club". It's where you went to catch up with friends find out the news and even have a drink.
Indeed. I would love it if we could bring that back
"Where everybody knows your name And they're always glad you came You wanna be where you can see Our troubles are all the same You wanna be where everybody knows your name" It was literally that, I only drink a few times a year, and it's to celebrate with friends and it's always a good time. Unfortunately I don't think the bar scene will ever be what it was. Social media, the Internet and society as a whole has forgotten what a bar is even for.
Still is in Ireland. Because the concept of 'bar' doesn't exist in most Irish towns - but 'pubs' are everywhere. And - contrary to the notions of most Americans - the two things aren't remotely synonymous. Pubs are an institution there precisely BECAUSE of the inclusive all ages/family/village scene. A vibe entirely contrary the very IDEA that most bars tend to be founded upon - cultivating the target patron. Frat kids, bikers, punk rockers, Venture Capital wheeler dealers, sporting event fanatics, billiards and darts enthusiasts, LGBTQ. And most establishments don't invest any time or money in attempting to be all things to all of these over 21 crowds. If there is an analogy to this approach in Ireland, it's the place that everybody simply calls the local nightclub - a different species altogether.
@@chriscoughlin9289 "Pubs" are short for "Public House" after all
Nah mate its still like this in most places. Unless its a big rugby game or something people are mainly socialising
Did this a few times and one time this cute lady who was a little older than me started talking to me. We hit it off and a few drinks in some dude joined us. It was her husband. We continued talking until they were giving eachother strange looks and told me that we should continue the fun times over at their place. LOL! NOPE!!!!
I hear this happen a few times but i think its a setup for a gay husband
@@Krisjoverovovejovovichtski They were both looking at me like I was food. Either that was gonna be a threesome, a cuck situation or an anything goes type deal. All of which I was NOT down with.
Yeah, those types are into that weirdo stuff.
@@Krisjoverovovejovovichtski Or a couple that swings and he just likes to share his wife. You never know unless you take the plunge.
@@ryanhorvath1308 whoah. Well arnt there clubs for that. Like that way everyones on the same page Not at a bar and oh thats your wife. Ok now its a altercation
“ Just exist, it’s okay”. Truer words have never been spoken.
I've been a regular in a small bar in a town next to the city I live in for 7 years and every time I come there I'm greeted with smiles and a firm handshake from the owner. What a wholesome feeling 😊
Norm!
My name's Cliff & I work for the US Postal service in Boston. I go to my local bar in downtown Boston alone every night & relay my general knowledge on all sorts of subjects to both the regulars & strangers there. They all enjoy it & often recommend that I visit other local bars to share my knowledge more widely 😉
😂
😂😂 🍻 you a real one for this😂
What bar? I’m in Boston too
Where everybody knows your name?
@@johnconnors993cheers is probably closed
I tended bar in college some 40 years ago. It was a locals bar. A regulars bar. I watched how so many strangers became regulars. It was fascinating. Good manners. Kindness towards the bartender and others. Generous tippers. Above all, they simply had to be nice... to be themselves. I ended up making so many friends that became regulars... and the beauty of this whole madness was that I was the conductor, and ultimately, I became the show. I became the reason so many people came to this bar. It was a magical time. I learned so much. But that is a tough gig. Hard work. Long hours. And it could get difficult at times, both emotionally and even physically. What a time... vs
I watched the video and ended up going to a bar alone. This video gave me confidence and gave some tips I sat in the middle. Got 2 numbers and gave mine once. Also was told by 2 other females I was handsome. One called me the most handsome man there. Was a good time. I’m going to try to become a regular now. Thanks 🙏🏼
Well you might be.
A true gentleman has a breadth of knowledge to be able to converse enjoyably with strangers without being overly intrusive or self centred
Good topic. Pre social media days in the 90s and early noughties I travelled alone around Europe, US and Japan. I didn't hang out in bars much but had many lunch and dinners by myself. The same rules apply. You learn to be more comfortable and confident in yourself. It's a great way to develop your independence, character and gather thoughts. You often meet like minded people but admittedly I preferred the solitude of being left alone. I find more freedom and peace without the company of someone you pretend to like or are obligated to be submissive in the presence of someone like a work colleague or boss.That's why I liked to dine alone. There has been times when a lady has asked to join me at my table. Just think you are James Bond in a foreign land. Be polite but not too friendly or cocky. Once you adopt this mindset, women actually find a mysterious man very intriguing and attractive. As long as you feel natural and confident and your mannerisms are refined and you learn the basics of being well dressed. Be careful of wearing expensive watches though as it could attract the wrong type of company.
Very good advice, sir. Thank you. I also like to dine alone but I prefer to sit at the bar as opposed to a table
Great video. I've never seen this topic brought up on any channel. Recently discovered your channel and now never miss an upload. In my youth (['m 54 now) I went to the bar alone about 50% of the time. Some of my most memorable experiences was when I went alone. In my early 20s I would dress up and would go to downtown jazz club every week. I got to be friends with the Trumpet player. The bartender would greet me by name and would give me free rounds almost every time I went since I tipped well. It was great. And a plus side would be that when I would bring a date I would be confident in my surroundings. My date would be impressed when bar patrons knew me by name and on the band's set break the trumpet player would come say hi. It made my date feel at ease with me and knew I had a social life and friends. I would suggest drinking very little or none at all. Keep your wits about you. And don't drink and drive. I would drink a little and then switch to club soda. You'll also save money. Dive bars can be fun too. Even though dives are super casual, I still dressed up. It made me stand out. It became a joke.. bar mates would say "long hard day at the office Charlie, can I buy you a drink". I kind of became the Frasier Crane of the bar. I suggest choose a bar that has stuff to do like shooting pool or darts. It's an easy way to mingle. A third type of bar I would go alone is a hotel bar. I chose one across from the airport. Sure you aren't going to meet regular patrons, but you meet really interesting travelers. I chatted with a lot of successful older business men and learned some life/business tips. Lastly I wanted to add that I'm super super shy and introverted. I had to really push myself to go alone. However, it's actually easier than going to a large party. Because at a party it's really awkward being a wall flower.. but at a bar no one questions a bloke seating alone at the bar.
Hi Chuck, it sounds like we have a lot of similar thoughts and experiences in going to a bar alone. Dressing up is a very important point for me, whether visiting an upscale bar or a dive bar!
Wow very interesting what you mentioned... I'm trying to attract some business men for mentorship... I think I will check out the airport ones...thanks for the tip
Amen brother! (I'm 51). I've also met some really unique people while flying as well. The world is full of far more interesting people than I would ever have imagined! Just say hi, ask some open ended questions and let people talk. Show a genuine interest in other people and you will hear amazing stories. As I read, I always recommend the classic Dale Carnegie's How to win friends and influence people. TLDR: Be interested, shut up, listen. :)
Idk man a party it’s so loud and energetic no one notices anything about a specific person, unlike a not as rowdy and crowded bar.
I always enjoyed going to bars alone, especially when I was single. When you're alone, there's no pressure, and no listening to the guys. Just me and my thoughts and my favorite cocktail or beer. If somebody of interest comes in, I can decide whether to talk or not, and not be pressured by my pals. I've met the most interesting people when alone in a bar. Airport bars can be especially interesting. Travelers love to chat!
When I was a "young guy" I loved going to the "old man bars" alone. I met a lot of incredible guys.
I get the impression I’m much older than most of your viewers. Going to the bar alone is about the only way I’ve ever gone. Since I don’t drink I would order a soda or something and then do exactly what you’ve mentioned here sit, talk with the bartender speak to other patrons and often have dinner. Being a woman the dynamics are a bit different but the overall idea is the same.
I often encourage my female friends to do this, and it's also a great way to meet people you might be interested in romantically
@@Gent.ZThis gave a whole new perspective on what some of my friends’ parents mean when they say they met in a bar
@@retr0sfunkadelix This over dating apps, any day!
Whats the best way for a guy to approach you? Sometimes i see a girl i like at a pub or bar but feel if i just go over and say hi that its all going to go to shit ect. Will i come across too aggressive ect. Whats your insight?
@@Ojthemighty why do you think women go to bars? Bars are permissive environments. Rather than "go over" the best tactic is when you enter a bar to pick your spot in such a way that you are already in close proximity. If she's alone you can just say hi as you sit down. The trick is usually to draw her into conversation tangentially. Ask the bartender a question, like an opinion opener and then turn to her and ask "what do you think?". But if not already in close proximity then absolutely go over. Be polite and respectful of course and if she thinks that is somehow aggressive then that's on her. As it's a pretty direct approach then it's congruent to continue to be fairly direct. " I couldn't help but notice you are by yourself. I am too. Perhaps we could be alone together for a while,? I'm XXX". Same works with a pair of girls, just open them both tangentially off someone else. And any mixed group where there are guys and girls who may or may not be couples - open the guys first. Once conversation is flowing with them you have the social proof to open the women and see if there are any singletons.
I used to study at the bar beneath my apartment, it had 150 beers on tap, a wonderful place and quiet too, had a few good conversations there, didn’t make any long term friends, but had good conversations with strangers and that is also very nice
“just exist - it’s okay”: excellent advice! I appreciate it, especially coming from someone so young.
Agreed. The best place near me is a speakeasy with a great bar. Dim lights, no TV, smooth jazz playing. When I go by myself and stay off my phone, I always get into a chat with someone. The staff know us regulars too, so spot on there as well. Some nights have just been some simple small talk with a stranger in between enjoying my own thoughts. Others have turned into business opportunities or absinthe-fueled saturnalia. I've never regretted it.
Reading at a bar is one of my favorite activities if I have some free time after work. I 100% agree that staying off your phone is key to enjoying this
I want to try this, but I worry about liquid getting spilt on my book.
I often have work-related trips across Europe. I have a tradition of visiting a bar in the evening for some whiskey and cocktails, and to close the evening off, ordering a gin tonic at the bar at the hotel I stay in. I found some real gems and had a lot of interesting conversations with new people. It's nice to have an open conversation with someone when you know you will most likely never see them again.
Nice video. Going to a bar alone is one of my favorite things to do. I would add: when "making yourself available for socialization" make sure you don't talk too much to the people next to you, especially when they are with others. Forcing it is never the right approach. I simply put my phone away, have my chin up, put on a pleasant & relaxed facial expression and be patient. Pretty much every single time, I am able to eventually strike up a pleasant conversation!
I’m in my early 20s and I travel a lot for work (alone) around my state. I’ve definitely enjoyed going to bars alone (some more than a couple times). It definitely helps, I think, to dress a little nicer. You’d be surprised how friendly people usually are and how willing they are to have a conversation with a stranger. Being amicable/talking with the bartender is a definite plus/must! Cheers 🥂
Going to a bar alone is one of the most rewarding experiences you will have. I live in nyc and have several bars which i frequent. Getting close to the bartender is your best bet to start. Also going out in odd days like tue-thu has made me the best connections with individuals who aren't in the traditional 9 to 5. I watched this video to get some suggestions to try a new bar later tonight. No matter how many times you go alone its still a bit nerving to try something new for the first time. Keep at it and just exist. Others are too 🤘
In my 20s, I was a field engineer for the Broadcast/Cable industry. I would work on advanced equipment, and calm the nerves of upset executives. I spent a lot of nights alone. I found that, quite often, the hotel bar was a great place to do exactly this... Pull up to the middle of the bar, or as close as possible to the middle, but 1 seat from someone already there, and order my drink, usually scotch! I can't tell you how many conversations got started, just because I ordered scotch. Now older, and not traveling as much, upscale hotels, and restaurants are perfect. They usually have a band. If you can dance, everyone will love you. And the drinks aren't much more than they would be anywhere else. Usually in the bar section, you have the bar, a few tables, and a tiny dance floor. The music is rarely too loud to talk. Going alone is a perfect way to meet people, and yes, silence your phone, and don't look at it. Talk to the Bartender, they'll introduce you to people... If paying cash, I always tip $10 or $20 for my first drink. I don't usually need to tip for the next 2 or 3, but I got their attention!
Why’d they take an interest in you ordering scotch? Is it a strange thing to drink at a bar?
@@bigt1703 People who are Scotch drinkers, know a good Scotch. When you're as young as I was, and drink Scotch, it gets attention.
It's quite funny for an Irishman to see this...generations of inbuilt learning have taught us to naturally start up conversations with strangers, get jobs, leads, gigs, contacts.....Do it people...its easy and you will walk away a happier person! Not just in a bar btw..do it in the street, cafés, shops etc
A lot of my old friends are busy with kids or in relationships. I can either stay in by myself, or I can go out and take a chance somewhere. Its nice to go to a bar somewhere and just have a drink and relax. Key is finding the right bar where you can feel comfortable and its not full of couples. I have sat in hundreds of restuarants, cafes and bars solo - I have travelled solo on multiple occasions and have lived abroad for a while. I have met so many great people and had some really interesting conversations on my travels - on planes, trains and automobiles, and in airports, cafeterias, restaurants, bars, pubs and so on. You won't meet many people if you're already in a couple or part of a group of friends. Solo is the only way for me. Its my way of meeting the world. Chasing women is a waste of time and money. I'm quite content with my life now, and all of the freedoms that it brings. I've had married friends tell me that I am lucky. I don't envy their headaches, but they envy my freedom.
Best tip from my end is to bring a book to the bar. If no one's there, you have something to read. If they are there, they'll probably ask you what you're reading. I've struck up so many conversations that way at my local watering hole in Paris.
I have loved doing this for a while now, whether it results in social interaction or not. Learning to relax and enjoy your own company while having a good bite and brew is a priceless skill. "Just exist, it's okay" will lead you to peace you can't imagine.
This was such a calming video, everything came together so well. The calm, classy piano, your editing, the way you speak calmly and confidently, and your advice plus the topic all came together so well that it was relaxing. Thank you for this advice and I may use your tips to plan a trip to the bar alone.
My long-time MO when moving to a new city is find a pub with a "my style" vibe and sit across from where the bartender mixes coctails and strike up a conversation and ask about the area as it relates to your interests. They will usually know every thing and everybody worth knowing and if they like you, the'll invite you into their circle. And always over-tip; servers fondly remember big tippers and will always take care of you when things get busy.
That’s been my approach so far in Chicago. Already found a great couple of spots
Any suggestions for nice spots in Chicago? The closer to Lincoln Park, the better! :)
@@peterdoubleyouz I’ve never been to Lincoln Park, but you should come to our Chicago meet up later this month www.gent-z.com/in-person-events
Very much for this, started doing this last year and it forces your out of your comfort zone. Talk to strangers, avoid your phone, and be alone with your own thoughts.
As a professional solo concert goer and bar enjoyer, adapting to the vibe, or just being nice will get you far. Like he said in the video, just by doing that, you can roll the dice and your night can change drastically. I remember many times ending up in a strangers friend group, leaving the bar or show, going to get food, hanging out, going to their place, etc. The more crazy experiences where we end up trashed and lost in the city is also fun lol
I go for a drink by myself once in a while and have done for many years. I go to get away from everything and just chill for an hour or so.
I was today years old when I realised reluctance at going to a bar by oneself was a thing. One of my absolute favourite things to do is go to a bar, order a really nice cocktail and just plug into a book or podcast for half an hour, completely shut the world out around me. Same goes with restaurants, I much prefer to eat alone so I can concentrate on soaking up the food and atmosphere (not to mention my own thoughts) without being distracted by conversation. And I'm not even particularly an introvert or anything, I also enjoy long boozy nights out with large groups of friends and the like. But honestly just sitting by yourself lost in your own thoughts or a good book is such an underrated pastime these days, I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it in a while. Seriously, fuck whatever shallow judgements people want to make about you, just enjoy yourself...
I once had a night long conversation in Budapest, Hungary with an ex con from Danmark. He was incarcerated for 15 years for heroin smuggling and was a fascinating guy. He kept buying beers and I kept listening
I felt every second of this. I know you're going through it too, it's going to be ok man. Keep your head up King I'll ride with you
Going to the bar by yourself is very underrated, learn to dine alone. You'll learn what you like and don't like, luckily for me there's plenty of bars I can frequent in my city. Even one where I'm a regular.
Good for you. Any decent-sized city should have a good selection of bars for any man's taste
^ As a relatively introverted person, I very much enjoyed the isolation of COVID era USA, most restaurants that were takeout only would allow you to dine-in if you were polite about it, and so I enjoyed many evenings chatting with restaurant staff and enjoying a good meal.
I used to love swapping life stories with complete strangers at bars. Nowadays everyone is on their friggin' phones, so I do most of my drinking at home with a book for company.
I think, in the right places, lots of people still like to swap life stories. Maybe these bars are just a little harder to find than they used to be
I went to a brewpub in a college town I've gone to many times alone. I'm always open to conversations with strangers. One guy started up a conversation and it turns out he was an engineer at the University working on one of the early Mars rovers. He said he was tasked with figuring out a way for the small rovers to see further. I half jokingly suggested they deploy a small kite with a camera because the wind always seemed to be blowing there. He actually gave it a serious thought for about 30 seconds and laughed that it probably wouldn't work. It was a great bar conversation with a complete stranger. Before he left he went out to his car and brought back in a topo map of the Mars planet and gave it to me and just said thanks. I've not seen him since. That was around 20 years ago. But, it's a conversation I'll never forget.
If you drink at home alone I am guessing you have a beverage preference for something you enjoy. Perhaps seeking out a bar that's known for that is its own approach, such as a whiskey bar if that's your thing or a wine bar. I'm into everything so I can try to meet strangers by the shared interest in the drink itself. If nothing else, you can try a brand you haven't tasted before.
@@Galiuros that’s awesome
Me too, except I drink in the gutter.
I've gone to bars like this in europe and it actually works. You can meet people and repeatedly see them which builds up a rapport. They won't be lifelong friends most of the time. But you can at least become comfortable being alone and build confidence to talk to people you don't know and see how best to be friendly, be talkative, and be open. You don't have to be friends with everybody and some people might turn into friends, who knows. But you won't know by sitting here watching videos on youtube ;) albeit as good as this one was.
I had an experience going bar by myself, it was the last night stayed in Pattaya, Thailand so there was a bunch of college students decided to drink till passed out and have fun in night club, which is something I would never fond of, so I took a 30 minutes walk to the beach avenue, found a lovely little music bar with a band in it, grabbed some beers and just enjoyed the music alone. It was the best part of the journey to me, and I still remember the name of the bar even for a long time.
I used to frequent local bars by myself back in the late 70s early 80s. I agree with your observations. You can really meet a lot of interesting people doing this. And yes as you said leave the phone in your pocket. Great advice as usual thank you for the video. Cheers Ron
If you get the chance, you should check out the bar scene in Japan. It's definitely structured around providing specific social opportunities, be it if you want to talk to young girls or be charmed by mature women. It leaves out a lot of ambiguity we have in the west.
Love it ..
I can concur.
I won't go in much detail but I'm incredibly alone and since few months it has become extremely hard on me. That being said you're video and the comments here gave me hope and brought me a strange feeling of '' it'll be okay '' -From a lonely young man, to any other men in my situation, I wish you luck and happiness!
@waitwho3074 AND @justtango4741 AND @PotatoesFromSaturn Honestly, Listen to me. Suspend ALL judgement and logic. Find out a church and their service hour, and go attend. Easter is coming. Go without expectations and internal demands, just go, attend, Be congenial. Fellowship with people afterwards if they have a fellowship room, have a coffee and greet people, and let them greet you. Its not about you, but you will be better after it. Practice meeting new people. Give a chance to make new acquaintances. Some may become eventually friends. In future other new people coming will become friends. Even if it doesn't come about from there, you're becoming spiritually and socially enriched, so you'll improve your life elsewhere as well.
This sounds corny but church is a great place to meet people. You can join small groups and make friends. Then do all sorts of things with them to hang out. Also, having solitude is sometimes the best thing what we need. It's better to be by yourself than to feel alone with other people. Hope that helps and hope you don't feel lonely anymore.
@@davidm4566 Hi there, I appreciate the thought and i'll be alright thank you! But where I'm from, religion is not really a thing anymore because of my culture and history. Even before I was born my people have deceided to become a secular society... At least no young people go to churches anymore, these days our religions is more of a symbolic meaning and about our roots but no one actually practice it anymore apart from very old people (I hope it makes sense I don't really know how to explain it, unless you live here lol). Different time and mindset.
@@waitwho3074 I'm so sorry that the faith in your area is dead. I hope you experience what it's like to be in a place where it's truly alive. There are churches where you can feel the joy, love, and peace almost like a thick fog. It's hard to describe, but there's nothing else quite like being in the presence of God. You don't have to go to a church to experience the presence of God, it's just different when so many people are all in one place worshipping God together.
This is my favorite pastime--going to the bar alone, well-dressed. I've made a few amazing friends while traveling and dropping into a nice bar. If you are lacking the confidence to go solo, airport bars are great places to practice and work on getting your conversation game sharpened. Super low stakes, and usually everyone is up for chatting. Great video. Thanks!
As a 21-24 year old, I would visit the bar alone once a week, or every other week. I love being alone, but I enjoyed getting out. The Covid lockdown ended that tradition, and I never resumed it afterwards. Watching this video reminded me of how enjoyable it can be, perhaps I’ll pick it back up. Cheers 🍻
Very interesting post. I would fully recommend. Due to working away a lot I have frequented bars on my own. On an earlier occasion in Leicestershire I engaged a quiet mature chap in a busy pub in general chat. Later the bar person told me I had been talking to John Deacon of the former musician from rock band Queen! (this was around the time one of the band said they didn't know where he was!).He had some connection to the area. Another time in south London I went to a proper hotel bar - which are more speak easy style -and engaged in conversation with a mature American couple at a table as the bar area was full. Transpired the man was worldwide president of a much larger competing business and they invited me to visit them in the US! Someone else said a person at the bar was an actor.. but I didnt know Two rules to follow always , under no circumstance drink too much and never rise to any objectionable behaviour or comments by others which might occur if you find yourself in a more rough place than you thought but just remove yourself
Step 1: go to a bar. It can be any bar you like Step 2: make sure you are not with anyone Congratulations, you are at a bar alone! On the real tho, going to a bar alone is super underrated. You meet interesting people every single time. You just don’t have that space for new people when you go with friends. 10/10 would recommend, thank you for shining light on the subject!
Stopped drinking alcohol 19 months ago. BEST decision I’ve made in years. Cash in my pocket, lost weight, eat healthier. I feel fantastic. Lots of other ways to be social and meet others. 👍🙂🙏
Well sometimes that works sometimes it doesn’t. If you’re a raging alcoholic then sure, stop drinking, but if it’s just something for relaxation and fun I see no harm. Sure it’s not the healthiest thing if you are more on the heavy side of drinking, but so is consuming sugar and drinking butt loads of caffeine. Everything has a downside so in the end, as long as you’re not actively drinking yourself to death or harming others then it’s really not an issue.
You don't have to drink alcohol at a bar. A great bartender can make a fantastic cocktail sans liquor.
@@memesouls8653 I get what you’re saying. I had drank since 16 yo. Mostly a couple of beers or a glass of wine with dinner. Social drinker. Never everyday. I’ll be 65 in one month. Since no alcohol, totally changed my diet too. Stopped sugar, no more processed food. I want to be healthy. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. At my age, I have family and friends who do the S A M E life style they have done for years, it’s caught up to them as it did me and are falling apart at the seams. I’m not going back ever to the same old let’s have a beer 🍺. More to life. Stop for 1 year and give it a chance. Take care stay strong 💪
While I respect your opinion and the health benefits of sobriety, there was written in black Sharpie on a couch I once owned: "a day without a buzz is a day that never wuz".
you could just drink a zero beer?
I travel a LOT for work, so I learned very quickly that if I wanted to have any semblance of a social life, I had to go to bars alone. It was hard at first: the quasi entirety of my bar going youth was spent (ashamed to admit) judging "bar pillars" and commenting on how sad it was to go to a bar alone. What I didn't understand then was that as you get older, priorities and views change. But I had to shake the old prejudice nonetheless. Once I started doing it though, it became a truly pleasant experience! And it offers the opportunity to discover new places for if and when I do go back with friends or family. Very good advice kind sir! Carry on with pride!
Knowing different cocktails or "rare" cocktails is an excellent way to get to know the bartender and the people around you. The bartender "mixologist" gets to show off his/her skills. Everyone will talk to you and ask what your are drinking and then order one as well. The bartender appreciates the business and everyone starts to discuss the cocktail and have fun. Good cocktails to know are the Gin Fizz, French 75, Manhattan, Gibson, Old Fashioned, and the James Bond Vesper, but with Amaro Nonino instead of Lillet Blanc. Ordering anyone of these will impress the bartender and arouse the curiosity of anyone sitting at the bar. For some men and women these drinks are too strong. In that case I will order an Amaretto Sour, Lemon drop martini, coconut rum and coke/cherry coke, or coconut rum and sprite, or finally the Blue Hawaiian. Always tip the bartender 100% on the first drink then 20% on each drink thereafter, even if you start a tab. Tip in cash. The bartender will always give you better service and will give you experimental drinks for you to try out. So much fun at the bar alone!
I’m 60, and graduated with my undergraduate @ 21, I was hired 4 months before graduation, and I was TGY all over the US & various countries, as I worked for US State Dept, thus I was always attending cocktail lounges , dives, saloons, etc all over the world. Yet I felt extremely comfortable in any bar, probably because I was a heavy drinker of fine Scotch, Cuban cigars as I was indoctrinated by the management & executives at State. I ❤jazz bars especially, yet I could adapt, improvise, innovative my character to any territory without ever being arrogant. You’ve got great advice for your viewers, I couldn’t give that advice, because both my folks were bureaucrats with 35-45 years working in the intelligence community, thus we always moved to different countries, and I got used to operating alone , and learned to embrace it. I’m a member of your channel, and I wish you luck, I enjoy your content on dressing formal, as I always wore a coat & tie since I was 18, as I worked as a student employee with US Treasury while I completed my undergraduate.
I occasionally travel alone to Paris for short visits and while an introvert myself, i go out to bars every night during those visits. Quite often it is jazzbars or places with live music, sometimes some of the smaller local bars. I first started doing this to overcome shyness and to break old restrictive habits, it really helped and today i have zero problems with going alone to any bar. Some of my most memorable nights out have been those solodives into the nightlife of Paris.
Bring a book and read. I do it all the time, you get all the best attention from high class men who appreciate literature, women who like seeing a guy who is smart, plus its an instant conversation starter of "what are you reading?"
Wow...didn't know you could do that...
I used to do that a lot. I really just like to read with a buzz. But conversations were fun too.
This very valuable info especially for people with autism or social anxiety - a how to be a normie human guide.
Five years ago, I had just turned 21 and learned that an old coworker of mine hosted karaoke at a local bar, so I went and kept going even by myself. I over time became a fixture of the community at the bar as well as introducing others who would become fixtures in the community to that bar. I miss those days a lot sometimes, but I’m excited to do it again with a new place
This is a brilliant video. OP has the correct vibe + pace about him -- love it and was super intrigued that such a simple observation -- "yes you can just stare ahead and think" - would make for such an effective tool to inviting conversation.
I've seen a few of your videos prior to this one and I wish to say I really enjoy your topics, how you present yourself and the vibe you portray. you have earned a subscriber today, keep doing what you're doing
Thank your very much sir
I once went to a bar because I needed to pee while returning from a party on the other side of town and I felt dirty for just going in there to pee so I sat at the bar and ordered a beer and then got pulled into playing darts with strangers. Fun times
Did yiu pee? What colour was it?
I used to hate eating by myself,I try to find someone to eat with when I was at school or at work... Now after having been married having kids and being divorced, eating alone is absolute Zen. Being able to think, collect thoughts and just focus on the taste of your food. Everyone should do it more often.
I used to only go to bars with other people. Last year I moved several time zones away from everyone I knew, and going to a bar alone has been a social lifeline for me since. There's been lots of liquor, yes, but also many connections.
I an SO SO happy that I found this video!! I am 23 and about to go to Nashville for spring break! I am going with some people who I know won’t want to be out as late as me and so I will inevitably find myself in the EXACT same position as you. I also like low-key spots more than sports bars. Wish me luck!
I love it! I have been trying my best to disconnect from my phone and embrace chance. It's been awhile since my long backpacking trip when I did stuff on the whim, like go to a bar alone, and strike up conversation with strangers. This video is a great reminder to do fun stuff, and speak to interesting people!
Thank you, I hope it inspires you to take a solo adventure next time you get the chance
Backpacking was such an amazing way to meet new people!
This is great advice. I used to do this frequently some time ago. I had some of the best one-night stands and most genuine conversations this way
Having worked in a bar and have gone drinking solo just because I was bored and felt like drinking and socialising, this is a great video and can’t say how I enjoy talking to strangers/locals and having a great day out if it, pure class this video was, definitely subscribing.
Interesting topic for a video. Well done. I’m older, I think, than the demographic that you’re aiming for, but I have watched a lot of your videos and I find them very interesting and informative. I’m married and don’t have much cause to go to a bar alone, but I used to do that when I was younger. I really wish there had been a resource like this channel to give me some tips. I was a shy and quiet guy, and typically would go to a bar, have a couple drinks, and leave without saying a word to anyone. It was a bit sad. Thank you on behalf of the guys like me (back then) who can learn something useful while they have time to use it.
I don't do the bar scene, what really stood out is when you said "keep the phone in your pocket" because for hundreds of years people got along just fine starting conversations without phones.
Amazing video. This is honestly one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday night. I ride a motorcycle and play billiards often as well, so literally every time I go to a bar I end up making friends and getting invites to different things.
Good video. No fake advice, no "tactics", just plain and simple advice. Thank you. You gave me the courage to try this out as I found making new friends as an adult is very hard. I remember I made lots of friends when I travelled alone. The advantage to being a tourist is that you don't have to see the people again, so you allow yourself to be more open, or just pretend to be someone else completely though
I enjoy the posts on your channel. Lifestyle is more than fashion and you present this excellently. “Just exist!” - I love that! Contemplation is a rare art form. ✨
Thank you, sir! Yes, I’m looking to expand this channel beyond just style
you never stay alone in the right bar..
That's very true
Stumbled across this video and he gives some good advice! I've moved around quite a few times in my late 20s and have found that going solo to bars is an amazing way to get a flavor of local culture and meet interesting folks who may not match your exact demographic, be it age, background, etc. I enjoy keeping myself busy journaling or reading at the bar, giving me something to focus on and allowing me to passively listen to the conversations around me before potentially joining in myself. I think the rarity of someone in their 20s writing/journaling makes people curious about me and more receptive to conversation. The sheer range of the conversations I've had have given me good perspective on my own life and have helped me be generally more appreciative and optimistic. I find the average person's story to be fascinating: this interest has helped me make friends and local connections at its best, and at least inspired my creative writing / character building in my DnD campaigns at its worst. Doggedly search for the things that excite you and unashamedly talk about these things - just don't be afraid to listen and let others talk about theirs!
I’ve been doing this for years and can say that some of the best conversations with randoms are at a bar. Now granted I’m in sales so it’s never been difficult for me to start conversations with strangers but you really do meet some of the most interesting people with this approach. Especially if they too are traveling or just moved to your area. The art of conversation all stems from one shared piece of information, we’re all human and have way more in common as a default than we realize. Cheers.
I absolutely enjoy going to bar by myself after work and I do all the things you say. It works an absolute treat. I’m a watch guy so for me if I notice someone wearing a nice watch I comment on it then the conversation flows about watches. I’ve made many friends by doing this and pretty much am guaranteed to bump into someone I know at my regular bar. A great video and I’d recommend to everyone to try this but do it on a week day and you’d be surprised how many interesting people you meet.
That’s a great point, The weekdays, especially earlier in the day are frequented by long time regulars, great characters usually with great stories. I like to look at it as a challenge when I see other solo bar goers to find out what kind of conversations Iight them up.
That's a great point about the watch. I myself have a custom diamond ring, people always notice that. If you are literally wearing a conversation piece of some kind, that's your easy way in, it's like bait. It can be how you dress too of course, give it some thoughts.
I broke up with my girlfriend a little over 12 months ago and now travel alone . I love live music 🎶 so always follow the music ; I find when I’m sitting by myself that people come up and chat to me . I usually take a few pics of the band from my vantage point and airdrop the pics to them because I wish more pics were taken of my band when we were gigging ~ the band are always appreciative and we talk about music between sets , so it always turns out a good night . 🇦🇺☀️🏄♂️💦 🎶✌🏽😎☮️
I actually had a similiar experience after a one night stay over in Nuremberg. I just strolled through the old city and found a little hole in the wall irish pub. Some patrons played live music and since i didn't have anything else to do i just went inside and had a blast with all the regulars. 10/10 would recommend
Great advice. Doing anything alone in general is very good for your well-being, you are treating just yourself for a drink, a weekend away somewhere, a football game…
Great to see videos like this, I’ve been going to bars alone for several years now. The new experiences part and striking up conversations are what makes a big difference in your night. Sometimes just not talking either and just chilling relaxing really is fine as well.
Fascinating, I’ve done this regularly and never thought anything of it.
Yeah. I didnt know it was a "problem"
@@Gallasl666it is a severe problem. Largely due to phone addiction and social anxiety which seems to afflict a huge percentage of people today. Unfortunately most people I see in bars are just staring at their phones.
Something I have done all my life. Normal thing to do here in Ireland.
Truly enjoy going to bars alone and I had all kinds of experiences. From wonderful conversations and activities, becoming a regular, finding new bars, but also sometimes just sitting and drinking :)
Visited Greece on my own when I was 20, meals in the hotel were strange at first, but then I realised that no-one cares and just enjoyed it for what it was, a holiday! Met some great people too out and about
Excellent point with regards to Not staring at your phone...
The next level above staring at a phone to block out the world is having ear buds in.
@@opossumlvr1023be a part of the solution or a part of the problem. I'm not going through life in public blocking anything out. If I need to be doing that, I stay home.
Don’t stare at your phone. Stare at people.
I've been doing that for about 50 years. If I feel like talking, I strike up a conversation. If not I bury my nose in my phone. If someone wants to talk, I usually engage. I travel alone quite a bit as well. I think going out alone and traveling alone and enjoying it is a sign of inner satisfaction. It also tells 99% of the people around you that you don't give a damn what they think. So many people think there's a stigma to going somewhere by yourself.
The vibe this guy gives off is so chill
I'm an American who lives in a tourist area with many bars. I really enjoy going alone. I have many friends who are regulars, but I also really enjoy being the local who helps the tourists have a fun conversation, and gives tips on what to do locally. All of your advice is spot on. Cheers!
That might not work for a certain cultures as well as it does for your one. Starting a conversation with random people might not work that well in Eastern Europe.
lol any adult person in eu does this regularly, don't overthink it bro
Pubs/bars in the UK are rarely set up for single visitors though. You walk in and they seat you down a table for two/four and most people there are groups. Just my experience. I think it's definitely a post COVID thing where they're geared more towards dining.
As a older guy now who has traveled the globe, mostly solo, I can attest going into a bar solo has given me more good memories than anywhere else. From London and Dublin pubs, to New York dive bars, Japanese saki/sushi, German beer gardens...on and on! Solo almost forces you to reach out and get to know people you would otherwise never meet. When you go to a bar with another person you are not only less approachable but are much more inclined to keep the conversation between the two of you.
As a 25 year old who goes the bar by myself regularly, you gave out good advice. Once you do it long enough you'll even start going bar hopping with the people you meet and meet even more people.
bro is a professional alcoholic
i want to be like him