THESE Are the Secret Traits the Avoidant Is Most Attracted to in Relationships
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Have you ever wondered what drives attraction? In today's video, Thais Gibson shares three traits that the dismissive avoidant attachment style (avoidant attachment style) is most attracted to in a relationship dynamic. Watch now to find out what these three traits are as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How To Master The Dating Stage of Relationships", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:22 - What Drives Attraction?
00:04:02 - Trait #1: Supportive
00:05:22 - Trait #2: Warmth & Caring
00:05:59 - How To Master The Dating Stage Course
00:06:26 - Trait #3: Selfless
00:07:10 - Healthy Trait Integration
00:10:38 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DatingDismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantNeeds #UnmetNeeds
Have you ever experienced any of these traits in your past or current relationships? What was your experience like? ❤
They are attracted to people that DON'T want them, and ignore the ones that do
They take advantage of the traits they are most attracted to
The DA will be drawn to you with all your beautiful qualities and personal traits. Then when you are bonded and the connection grows , they sabotage the relationship, Throw a grenade onto what you had , either cheat or go back to an Ex and abandon you leaving you utterly broken.
So dead on!!!
My ex said he liked me bc I was nice and easy to get along with... until I called him out on his bs more and more
They’re attracted to a fantasy of you not you.
Spot on! They also resent you for not fulfilling their fantasy of you! ☺ Never taking the time to learn about you, and what matters to you, and what are your goals for the relationship!
Be supportive, warm, and selfless. But as SOON as you ask for more time or express your vulnerability, they start becoming less and less available. Hmmmm.
They want everything without giving anything
Yeah ain’t nobody got time for that! Them mfs need major therapy 😂😂😂😂
@@natalieharrison5202 as a DA, this is true. I know you will put all the work and I'm just along for the ride. An ex told me his love was enough for both of us.
yup
Often, I have thought of things we are attracted to---whether in people, films, food, or music---somewhat like the shiny, sweet icing on a cake. It captures our attention and taste, and we eat it with delight---but it doesn't last. Soon, our palate gets sick of the icing, and we long for something plain and simple. You will find that everything that lasts long in our esteem, say in a film, is plain and solid, rather than shining; it survives repeated viewings. What our nature truly needs is that simple bread and butter and not the icing or syrup on the cake. Same with people: the shining, sprightly qualities are like the sugary icing. What matters is the invisible qualities that last a lifetime: integrity, character, kindness, etc.
Now I want cupcakes. ❤😂
Then there's me, who wipes the icing off the cake before I eat it 😂
@@cornwallismorgan874 I do the same. Too much sugar doesn't agree with me!
@@LeeChrissy Miam, as the French would say.
Social media ruined this. All people care about now is novelty and the new shiny objects
I’ve just hit the power struggle stage. We are definitely getting frustrated with eachother - me because he won’t discuss serious topics about the relationship like what he sees for the future. Him - he feels like he is always “disappointing” me because he doesn’t do or say the things he “should”… we love eachother but this conflict seems to be a pattern we can’t break right now
Just a thought.... if making plans for the future, do not have a conversation where it feels like promises and expectations are being made. Think of it as making a list of things that you might want to do together someday. Or not. No pressure, no timeline.... just things you'd both feel would be nice. And then when the time comes you can say: Hey, see this item on the list? We can do it tomorrow..... :) Stop expecting him to do or say things. AD's are extremely sensitive to this, so you'll have to be considerate with everything you say, to stress you don't expect them to do anything. Just express what you would like, and immediately stress that you don't expect them to fulfill that wish. They'll come around because they want to..... you just have to give them the ideas and the space for that idea to land in. If an idea sounds daunting or as an expectation....it's blocked. Remember AD's have little to no space before their defenses get triggered. You have to provide the space for them....and then willingly they'll step out further and further towards you.
Are you an FA?
@@davesmulders3931 you hit the nail on the head here. I can’t ask for anything but if I move to do it myself, here he comes. And you’re right, everything is a trigger.
And he will never choose to work through them. Ull force him and he will resent that about u also.
My supportiveness, warmth and caring, and selflessness became the traps that got me involved with people who had the emotional space of a rock. I am only now looking back at the avoidants I was with and how rapidly they crushed my heart, and I'm mad, I'm pissed. I never had a name for them before, and it makes sense.
“We are attracted to the familiar . One of the biggest things familiar to us is being treated by people how we treat ourselves” THAT was powerful, Thais!
Thank you for your kind words and support! I'm glad you found that part powerful. 🙏❤
The last thing my DA said was” you were always there for me”. Then she just stopped talking to me. It’s very confusing for an AP.
I am in a friendly relationship with a female. she stopped any contact with me suddenly. I can totally understand you. Do you have any contact or no contact at all?
@@EminDemiri-le6gq We have no contact. I’ve thought about trying to reengage with her but after learning so much from these videos, I realized that I made a lot of mistakes. Not setting boundaries - with my time and availability - not expressing my needs - i thought she should just know- these were the two biggest mistakes. I’m listening and learning- with the help of the videos so I don’t make the same mistakes again. Best of luck with your relationship.
Dont beat yourself up. If you had set boundaries and learnt to express your needs it's unlikely a DA would communucate their needs or meet yours anyway. You would probably be seen as needy and suffocating or weak for not being independent. I'm not sure many DA's can do interdependence
Probably found someone else
let DAs be atrracted to loving, kind, supportive, empathetic, vulnerable people, basically everything they lack. they will either destroy that relationship or one of the two people in it will have a chance to heal deep childhood wounds. maybe after they break enough hearts self-reflection will kick in? i know i now look for indicators of being a DA/FA like a hawk.
Instead of bashing others. Heal your own attachment style and focus on you.
@@KaimaVixenThey aren’t bashing at all. They are describing their known traits. That is exactly what these videos are about. They are also asking a question by using an example. I would imagine if this person is here learning about their loved one, they are also intentionally or unintentionally learning about themselves. Relationships are a team effort, and that includes self improvement.
The parts I completely relate to are being attracted to the laid-back ways of a DA. I (FA) am such a workaholic that I used to love when my ex would suggest I take the day off (I never did lol) or the fact that he essentially didn't work himself to death like I did. He worked enough to fulfill his needs and while I am opposite and work to have a cushion for safety, I could appreciate his live in the moment attitude. The other area I understand is when a partner does all these nice things for you and me not trusting their intentions. If someone is going to do something nice, amazing! But if they're doing it because they want the same in return, then you're really worried about you and to me that's inauthentic. I've had a history of men doing nice things because they are hoping for a date or to get closer to me in some way. I don't like that and I can see right through it. Just be yourself.
Thank you for sharing your personal insights and experiences! I'm glad you can relate to the traits discussed in the video 😊
I know someone out there watching to know what not to show case because they have had enough😂😂😂😅
Me 🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️😂😂 I’m secure and I can’t live with someone else’s trauma who refuses to take accountability and face the hard truths. It’s more than exhausting to like let alone love these people. Their toxic
That's me for sure.
Yes, exactly why I watched it 😂
Being anxious but also a decent human being, I have all these traits. Even young I was caring, supportive and always willing to help
I've figured out I'm avoidant in the past few days. My gf's are smart, funny, witty narcissists. My longest gf (3yrs) was a valedictorian in a stem field and is now a dentist. She was the 101 level text book definition of a narcissist in hindsight. I think I need someone who is very outgoing and motivated. I can't keep up the pace of contact needed(text/calls/dates whatever) to date a normal girl.
Im a anxious 43yr old Man. She is a DA........ The love of my life but its so hard to deal with the DA bullshit. It always just hurts me in the end.
Do you think healing your own anxious attachment might help? Once I started healing my FA attachment, it was easier for me to figure out my boundaries and non-negotiables and confidently stand firm in those by choosing myself. It's not up to anyone to meet my needs so I meet them myself or spread them out so they're met by a little bit of everyone like family, friends, business acquaintances, my cat lol. I think it become a little bombarding when we put so much on our partner, esp if they lean avoidant. DA's and I kind of match because we see each other as a happy addition, not a necessity in our lives. We don't put pressure on each other and we understand that it's important to put ourselves first sometimes. It's definitely not a relationship for everyone.
I experienced this, as a secure man. I'm very patient, but a dismissive avoidant woman is brutal because a woman is supposed to be the feminine part of the relationship that wants to open up naturally. The DA woman wants to shut down naturally, so no matter how much you stay in your masculine, you end up waiting and waiting and waiting. I'm sure your partner was more in their masculine, especially after the dopamine from the honeymoon phase wore off
@@LeeChrissyI think if he healed he’d probably realise the DA isn’t attractive at all.
@@aaronsinspirationdaily4896 depends on your type. I like a lot of space and little expectations. My family, career and friends are important to me. Romantic relationships are not something I need and DA's don't ask for too much. Works for me and I've been in PDS for almost a year. 🤷♀️
@@CryptoTaurusMoon boooooooooooom!!! Nail on the head!!! I have been saying this to myself constantly. That dopamine done when south. Fuck!! U right!!! U a follower of the Manosphere and RP environment?
Oh my, did you spy on my earlier AP/DA relationship??? The dynamics were all there, especially the Achilles Heel side which ended up breaking the bond we had. It' s pity that at that time I was just starting to grow and understand these things more and was not ready then to try to navigate us through the AP/DA dance to a healthier and better place. These things should be thought in school so that people could be more self-aware and recognise the dynamics when they start to play out in their lives.
I had all of these traits toward my DA I was dating. It appeared that progress was being made and she even said happily that her “wall was coming down” for me. She ended up canceling our planned date and telling me she “didn’t have romantic feelings” for me - the day after hand writing me a letter listing the things she loves about me. 😢
Yes, these kind of swings when the emotional vulnerability gets to a level where its scary, so they repress it down like crazy... Mine once went from "I am attracted to you, I love you, I want to be intimate with you" to "I see you as a sister". I asked: " you mean like Jamie and Cersei Lannister?" So ridiculous, lol. I guess I am also weird though, because I didn't believe it when he deactivated anyhow, and treated it as a bad joke. And he would recover and be into me again, haha. I thankfully have not had to deal with this with him in years.
I’m sure you took that very well. Probably didn’t mess with your head at all.
And listern to her they can't make up their own minds they like attracted to them don't like .and on it goes in a circle for ever it sounds like
@@ianrhodes9289 English please
Sounds like a vulnerability hangover
Keep them at a distance and they'll love u very much, maybe a job on an oil rig or in the military where you're gone for months at a time. They confuse love with a longing for. They do feel similar, but they tend to take for granted what's right in front of them if you're always around. They romanticize about that one night in town kind of feeling. Love them from afar and theyll be infatuated with you, avoidants need love too, just a different kind of love. Keep them close and they will long for someone else...
My ex said that he wanted peace since all his relationships were riddled with chaos. Yet, I was the shortest relationship. I always knew he mistook drama for love. His favorite book on love is Emma. That says everything I need to know about what he thinks love between two people is. Real love doesn’t stem from drama/ tension like knightly and Emma.
Just found your channel a couple days ago and am getting so much out of it. I initially thought I was FA but as I kept looking/listening I realize DA fits me better. Funny thing is I attribute my confusion in figuring it out to DA itself. When you’re out of touch with your feelings it’s hard to even access the kind of information you need to figure out which attachment style you are. My family was more emotionally neglectful than chaotic. I may have been a bit DA coming out of that but went full tilt DA after a seriously abusive relationship in college. I became uber-independent and still am, but you look around one day and feel very alone. Now have a starting place to work on it. Thank you!
❤❤ the PDS community is really supportive for DAs if you do decide to do the trial or join fully.
I’m a DA and this is very true of me😅
It's great to hear that you found the video relatable! 🙏
PSA: anyone who loves an avoidant person RUNNNNNNNN you will always feel like you’re the only one in the relationship, yes they are very nice people but they love to be alone you’ll be the only one making plans, you’ll be the only one texting and calling it’s really bad when you’re a female in love with an avoidant man.. women want to be loved and chased so ladies RUNNNNN save yourself the hurt. He keeps trying to come back but I know it’ll only start all over again, and I really really loved him 😒
Thank you for posting every day
Thanks!
wowww this video was honestly really enlightening
Thank you for sharing all your knowledge and research with us!! I’m loving so many of the courses on PDS!!! 💜
Another fantastic video Thais. You are so needed and appreciated
Amazing content as always !! I have been following your channel for many years and your personal development school is phenomenal!!!! THANK YOU THAIS !!! ❤
Thank you Thais….i have grown so much as an AP listening to your videos, doing course work at PDS and now taking the IAT course with you. Learning to meet my own needs and NOT feeling guilty for it! 🥰.
Dude Thais! You are more amazing than words can describe.
Hey,so true,first he really liked that im selfless( im selfless only first time in relationship before I was always selfish.) And after he told me that u cant always count on me,you have to find something to do with friends or youreself cos I wanted to spend my free time with him.
This is interesting. It reminds me of my ex who was AP (although I wasn't familiar with attachment styles in depth at the time) and what they call the "anxious- avoidant trap." She used to compliment me on how calm and laid back I was and later resented me for it. She couldn't believe that I didn't react to things and just solved the problem. I remember she helped me prepare for a health fair hosted by a large corporate center in my area (a little known company called Sunkist 😉) and I was unable to land a contract despite us being the employee favorite. Disappointing as it was, I told her, "it's all good, we'll get it next year." She couldn't believe how unaffected I was by it considering all the work we put in for the presentation and the proposal. Over the next few months, she started arguments just to get a rise out of me, I've when she knew I was at the movie theater. One of the last things she said to me after our breakup was, I never saw you react to anything!" I simply told her, "I'm not built that way." 😂
It really seems to bother AP's that DA's don't have emotional reactions the way they do. That's the thing I admire the most about DA/SA people. They stay grounded. Good on you! Keep it up. ❤
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes you're absolutely right! In the flip side I got annoyed when she refused to take care of herself. I invited her to the gym and and she came one time. After that she worked out with me sporadically from home. Overall though, she ended up hating the gym and called it "gym bro stuff." 🙄 That said, I find it strange they hate our calmness so much because my SA/DA behaviors tend to admire how they spend time resting. My ex got me into Netflix and I actually enjoyed watching the shows she suggested. Even though I'm a type B personality in my general attitude, I'm a type A personality in my work and don't rest as much as I should. Now that I understand what to look for, I can see it coming a mile away, lol. Thanks for the encouragement!
@@sifublack192 no problem! I dated a gym owner years ago and my God this man pushed my body to limits I thought impossible. I was in the best shape of my life when we dated. Unfortunately he was an AP and got super jealous and controlling. One time he couldn't come out with my friends and I so he sent his friend to essentially keep an eye on me but of course he said "Derek really wants to go. Mind if he tags along?" Wtf is Derek and why does he want to come to the city with us? 🤣 Later that night Derek told me he was there to watch me and then hit on me all night. Lol I think that was the last AP I ever dated.
delusional
@@dandanut5409 no, it really happened.
love all your videos! they are so informative, and give me so much perspective on myself and others around me.
I'm happy to hear you are getting value from my videos. Your support means a lot to me! I appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment ❤
Your videos are very informative. I learn about questions that I've had for years but I couldn't find answers for. I can't thank you enough❤ God bless you✨️😘
i’ve only just figured out this exact same thought process about a month ago. So thank you for posting this because I feel less crazy for thinking and knowing that my traits became my relationship, Achilles heal. It helps that other people have the same problem like this in relationships because I don’t feel so isolated anymore and I’m thinking and feeling the right things
This was very informative, for me. Thank you for listing these traits, very helpful!
Hey Thais, loving your videos, keep doing great work, I barely write comments but this draw my attention, in the first part you are mentioning that DA can be attracted to eg. people who dismiss their needs, but in the next part of video, you are mentioning DAs are attracted to other traits such as supportiveness, warmth and selfless. How to understand this? Thanks
...comfort and need can conflict. So das can be attracted to having their needs dismissed in the beginning of a relationship because its what they are used to recieve from their Care givers/ childhood environment. Therefore they are comfortable in that since they subconsciously know how to behave as Well as getting confirmed in their core wounds/believes which because of the familiarity feels stable/controllable. After a while though underlaying healthy needs Like being recognized as vunerable, emotional and in need of Support, protection, Rest and emphaty too, as Well as the Wish for connecting in that to their Partner will lead to conflict with Partners that can Not give that, be it because they are avoidant themselves or overly anxious and therefore too occupied with own wounding/ in Secret need of the Partner to remain to be the one stoic/unemotional. So they then search for people who incorporate These healthy traits. On the Otherhand Meeting emotional available people can be triggering for das, too. Out of Sudden they are invited to practice vunerability and giving/recieving emotional Support and comfort through empathy as Well as healthy interdependence instead of hyperindependence/counterdependence. In such a Relation they can get Very discomfortable, since they are Not used to Show Up Like that, that alone May make them feel anxious because there is great toxic Shame around Being vunerable as Well as around Not Being in Control/helpless on how to solve a Task (in this case: how to emotional Connect). They May then Turn the Shame outwards and blame their Partners for having needs/asking for Support/co-regulate. They May feel guilt for their inexperience/the core believe that they are secretly Not deserving of These qualities/expressions because that believe allowed them to stay connected to their Care givers, who refused to allow/give that to them.- the pain to recognize that Our parents fail/ed us is unbarable as a child as your are dependend on them for your survival- a child rather abandon itself by internalising their must be sth wrong with them for their parents Not providing. - This core wound May sustain in adulthood and when Being triggered conjures the Same pain as this parental betrayal, of which Most people still rather Break with their Partners over, since in a twisted way sustaining the core believe of them Not deserving allows them to stay in pseudo-connection with their parental Relation and their thereby created identity over facing degrees of what to a Child is existential betrayel/near death experience/Soul murder in parental neglect (physical, emotional, Spiritual) -aka survival/cooping mechanisms built and the nervoussystem of people with relational Trauma is hypervigilant since trained to be in constant alert. Yet the Shame that comes Up, in Order to sustain that pseudo parental Relation/ survival identity, which is to sustain the believe that it must be them then Just Not deserving of that Love and Being inherently 'wrong' and Not trusting/believing they are allowed to fail/learn how to do sth May then lead to breaking of/Ghost/deactivate by shutting down Feelings since they got used to that strategy as a child too. - and then they May be attracted to emotional unavailable Partners again.... Healing core wounds// in Relation with oneselves and Others by practicing the parts we were denied as children can start to end to such viscious circle/generational Trauma If unadressed.
Literally my marriage
Thais thank you again for such an incredible informative video. Although you started out describing for FA and turned to DA…??? Meant to be a combined description??
Maybe she was talking about people who lean avoidant in general? I'm a FA and I could completely relate to this video.
Thank you for your kind words! I made this video focusing on dismissive avoidant attachment style, although avoidant leaning fearful avoidants can have similar traits ❤
I just had a big fall out with my DA… However after watching your videos I realise he was already checking out Texting patterns changed, always busy, stressed, cancelling dates, we didn’t see each other for over a week So i think he was sabotaging ! He knows what triggers me so he did something very mean ( stood me up on purpose and went missing for 3 hours ) I ended it because i feel he is trying to drive me crazy … Now I can’t breath because I love him so much But I’m not strong enough for this relationship I need emotional connection 😩💔
Girl, if you're not strong enough to handle emotional withdrawal and intentional harm, you're not the problem here. Normal people can't deal with that and it's not on you to fix it.
That is emotional abuse. Neglect is a form of abuse. You made the right choice... Sending love and sparkles
What is his side of the story? I see myself in this story on the other end. - unappreciated *cough*cough*
@@runexscapexBotz If he's causing intentional harm (she said he knows something triggers her and intentionally did it), his side is irrelevant. It's fine to feel unappreciated or unheard, but with those of us who err anxious, telling us what's wrong and giving us a chance to work through it with you goes a super long way. Exploiting sore spots is emotional abuse, plain and simple.
My DA left me on Sunday out of the blue lol claimed he lost interest when his actions totally said otherwise. This isn't even the first time. 100% self-sabotage and pushing me away for bigger reasons. First time doing NC with him. Let's see how long he can last after building the connection we had lol
Want to ask a question It’s just that I was already romantically involved with a girl to the point where we almost became a couple. But a Cheng Yaojin appeared It's his colleague This colleague’s ex-girlfriend later committed suicide So my friend also has a good impression of him So it’s better to be confused (more than once) I didn't find out until recently Ask the woman why The woman replied: Both are good Can't decide at once if i want to continue And what should I do to win her heart?
Is it possible to heal a broken relationship, when the initial attraction, flips a switch, and becomes the " Archilles heel"?
The more videos I watch about Avoidants, the more I feel completely fucked. I have an enormous amount of patience and love for my girlfriend, but all this talk is scaring the shit out of me. Two years in and I don’t want it to end. I feel a bit frozen now in knowing what to do or say to her to make things better for both of us. Ugh!!!!!
Hahaahhahahahaa I am this person to and past my core Why I laugh because it's super easy to just be me
The more I learn thebetter itis but I now feel I will never be able to have a relationship.
This is my exact scenario. Not sure how to feel about it, best of luck to you 🫶🏽
You certainly will Katie! It may seem tough at first but it will ease with time. Eventually the more you learn the better you’ll feel. I hope you come across people who understand you & appreciate you always because you deserve it through every phase!
Im pretty sure everybody likes that stuff
They like abrasive partners because it’s easier to discard without guilt. They can get in to get what they need and then leave. This goes on for long periods of time.
What about In situationships is it the same ?
Yes. Situation ships are relationships. Everything does not need a label or a status. You know in your heart how you feel about someone and that’s a relationship. I am rather frustrated at the moment so forgive me I appear harsh. ❤
@KeiyaHood no your fine love ♥️
Epic content. But why am I so compatible with my dog ? Woof !
😂
I think I’d rather just build a person up, make them feel like the most awesome, beautiful woman in the world, and then after a few months tell her I love her. When I can tell she’s head over heels in love with me, I’ll just ghost her. Block her everywhere, everything. Can’t have myself getting vulnerable or anything. She will take that very well. Hey, not my fault, right? It’s just because of my trauma. 😂
You've got a bizarre sense of humor to put a laugh emoji after talking about someone's trauma.
@@LeeChrissy I was being facetious. Obviously I wouldn’t do that, however that’s the exact treatment they give. And then they use trauma as an excuse (and other people do too). I do have trauma. And I had a traumatic experience with an FA, so I think I can put whichever emoji I want to.
@@Gbb93 well people are here to learn and heal, not to be mocked because you had a bad experience.
@@LeeChrissy It's obviously a joke. I'm sorry for whoever hurt you, but it wasn't them.
@@LeeChrissy Then learn. No ones stopping you. Call it mocking or whatever you want. The fact is, this is exactly what Avoidants do, to a tee. And I’m glad it seemed offensive enough, as that was the point, to demonstrate how pathetic it really is. These videos seem to teach others how to treat Avoidants, not how Avoidants can do the inner work to heal. That’s my observation and may not be yours.
The traits: the most anxiously attached person so that avoidant people can ruin their lives the most within 6 months.
Very beautifully worded. It’s almost as if they’re self-centered and take, take, take. And when you want the bare minimum, you’re the bad guy! Lol! These people are nut jobs.
If you regularly watch her videos, you will see why you're attracted to a DA. It's up to you to heal the traits inside of you so you don't end up in relationships with people who don't share your relationship style. I've dated AP's who were controlling and stomped all over my boundaries and it made me not want to date anymore, but I actually find myself more compatible with avoidant/secure men. They don't react so emotionally and have an all around grounded demeanor. So just like I've had poor experiences with AP's and you've had a bad experience with a DA doesn't mean these attachment styles as a whole are bad people. You just can't date each other if you're behaviors are triggering one another.
@@UnicornsAreReal1 I was attracted to the last woman I dated because she showed up as secure and loving for the first couple months. Sometimes she pursued me. I promise you it wasn’t the avoidance that attracted me. I never chased her when she pulled away. But then she’d come back and get upset that I didn’t, even accusing ME of pulling away when in fact I didn’t go anywhere. I was attracted to the presence, which is the only trait that resonates with me about the FA style. I actually like that you mention your experience with APs. Avoidants always get a bad rap, and the people that say APs are bad don’t give examples of how. But you did, and I can understand the controlling behavior being a major turnoff, like you can’t even enjoy your own separate life without them being jealous. Makes total sense why that would be a turnoff. I however have never acted anxiously with any Avoidants, unless you consider it anxious to pursue them when they give you breadcrumbs, until you see it for what it is and completely leave them alone.
@@Gbb93 I think we should see people for who they are and leave if it's not the right relationship for us. I was hurt by an avoidant once, but I don't think anything less of him or consider myself more healthy than him. Nobody should chase anyone. If the feelings or actions aren't reciprocated or if our needs aren't getting met then we should try and move on and focus on ourselves, not continuing to focus on them day after day. How is that a healthy behavior? Unfortunately people are unpredictable and that's why it's important not to get too attached in the dating stage like the first 3 to 6 months or so. You're still figuring each other out and sometimes you just don't mesh.
@@UnicornsAreReal1 Well that’s you and your situation. And I have mine.
For almost a month and checking the videos history , this channels has turned into a community predominately about Fearful and dismissive Avoidants . Not sure if it’s on purpose or if anxious have healed and become secure or just don’t exist , but this has to stop 🛑
I've commented this before so many times as have others. I'm not sure why she keeps it predominantly avoidant. The one thing I've noticed is that AP videos don't seem to get a ton of interactions so I'm wondering if that be why? Also, a lot of the time I think unhealed AP's think they're secure and don't ever see themselves as part of the problem in the relationship so rather than take a little accountability, they pop on avoidant videos to blame their ex avoidants. I love her content, but I wish she would make this channel more well-rounded.
Like da’s are looking up anything about ap’s and trying to heal ? 😂 Avoidants aren’t looking for any help. The data shows they are the most resistant and stubborn when it comes to growth. They also inflict the most amount of trauma on every other attachment style. Even secure people comment this. They are cold uncaring and have led some to the point of wanting to self delete. They throw people and move on like the other person meant nothing. The lack empathy or true care for others and it is hard to tell the difference between them and a psychopath. So yes, the vast majority are other attachment styles trying to learn what went wrong and how to avoid these people. Just like in the relationship, AP’s are doing all the work post relationship to heal. Most DA’s don’t care and are doing them. To hell with the destruction they have left in their path.
@@itsmelanieking actually I'm in PDS and DA's have the highest rate of course completion work out of all 3 attachment styles.
Her audience are mostly APs looking to love an FA/DA or learn about them. KZhead is her content platform at the end of the day and she’ll go based on what people are giving attention to aka “the need”. If you want to learn more about APs, there are a lot of courses on her website. But again, her community are mostly APs being APs lol
@@LSGO90 do you have data that support your statement “ most of her audience are Aps looking to love FA/DA ?
Sounds hopeless
This is sad
This just sounds like ALL women lol
I mean, I'm a lesbian who's basically wasted the last 12 years of my life trying to find a wife, and I'm beginning to think this as well.
Uhm, many men are also avoidants.
Your video content is great. But PLEASE go to a vocal coach and get rid of the annoying vocal fry!! It offends the ear and makes it hard to listen to the good information you share.
What's a vocal fry? She sounds fine to me. 🤷♀️
I found myself scrolling the comments for a list of talking points I could read so I didn’t have to listen to the rest of the video. I really want this good information but I don’t care for the narrator’s voice unfortunately
@@eastcoastmusicmachine7989 It's not the voice per se - it's the manner of speaking. It's like she has a wired jaw. I feel bad saying this because I think she is a nice person and her content is informative -- but it's not always easy to listen to her. A vocal coach could help.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes - Vocal fry is the vocal equivalent of dragging your feet.
@@evawebster1518 I never noticed . I'm more focused on the message than the voice I guess. I mean, are people asking they she get vocal lessons or something? Or is this an audio thing that can be fixed when she's recording? I try not to point things out unless it's a fixable problem so I'm wondering how people propose she fixes it. Oh wow. I just read the original comment again. People really expect her to get vocal lessons because a small handful of people out of thousands are bothered?? 🤣🤦♀️