The world's scariest realtor tries to sell a lovely couple some of the worst houses on earth for the price of a small country. Six million dollars for a broken dream. Six hundred thousand for a pile of mold. Are you ready to buy?
Editing - / piph0
Realtors:
Jello
Amy - / whambamyam
Jay - / stabbyness
That one frame of text reads: "Editors Note: Candy Land does NOT use dice. Jello is a fake fan and wouldnt know Chocolate Swamp from Molasses Swamp, places Gloppy used to call home before they were terraformed into Chocolate Mountain, which is now Chocolate Falls. Gloppy will not survive the winter."
tip for anyone who didn't know this and needed to dig through the comments to find what the text said: when a video is paused, you can skip the video one frame at a time using the , and . keys on your keyboard
I hate one frame texts
@@clawcakes2but what about mobile?
@@teamchaos5101 i forgot phones exist sorry
Hold on... that message is up for only a single frame? I use mobile and had the intention to pause buffer it. I landed on that message first try! I was completely unaware.
God I absolutely ADORE the just dead tone that jello narrates this with. It’s so full of just pure malice but also dread and they mix in such a good way.
the absolutely deadpan "just kidding" kills me
@@natalie9402 EXACTLY THE MOMENT THAT PROMPTED THIS COMMENT
I had Covid lmao
It was nuanced enough that (until he broke character) I occasionally wondered 'is that just how Jello naturally talks these days?'
@@JelloApocalypse that explains why you speaking sounded exactly how I felt. I have Covid and I just felt that tone of voice.
If there is a sequel, it BETTER be called, "Are You Ready 2 Buy?"
2 fast 2 furious
There is a sequel stream, no idea if it will get edited
@@ella_cupcake yea I meant if that stream got edited.
@@ksawerx9277 2 Ready 2 Buy
Yes please! =D
A horror themed rpg where your a realtor that has to cleanse houses of different unsettling creatures and entities to sell them on Zillow is an idea that I want to see come to fruition.
House Flipper has at least one horror-themed house, I think
the emptiness of House Flipper freaks me out occasionally, especially since I play without music.
"Are you ready to buy?" would be a great name for it.
Or maybe you're a buyer looking for an as-is fixer-upper, but all the houses are various flavors of cursed like these. You got "castle definitely owned by a vampire", "Peewee's Madhouse", "white void", "literally 4-dimensional", "one with a closet of white hoods", "abandoned church", "billionaire's bomb shelter", "redneck's bomb shelter", "3D Escher painting", etc. And they're not even haunted or anything, they're just bizarre (almost like a game themed around liminal spaces). Maybe you get a chance to meet the current owners (who are exactly what you'd think - vampire, not!Peewee, gamer, etc.), and you start to piece together that the realtor trying to sell you these is [trying to trick you into signing away your soul / curse you / turn you into someone like the previous owner / some other twist here]. But the _real_ scariest part is that, even with the discount you get from [selling your soul / getting cursed / whatever], they're all _still_ out of your price range. Now I really want this game to exist.
So, Surreal Estate?
I'm surprised none of them noticed that that one toilet wasn't just in the middle of a communal space, but also faced onto a large window. So EVEN MORE PEOPLE can watch you take a shit.
It's on the second floor, isn't it? That just means you can survey your domain from the throne
Technically the house is in a snowy desert so I'd assume no neighbours would see you shit
@@hatgremlinisagirl I would be Extremely concerned to see someone outside my window, considering I would be living out in the artic boonies.
I swear the deep voice “I lied” and “just kidding” bits are the BEST part about this video. Well that and the Ice Woman and her accomplices.
I imagine that those who watched the movie Commando would be reminded of Arnie saying the line "I lied".
I think the delivery on "You two hang back, we got a portal." is great, he sounds like an old MiB agent.
Even though Jello breaks character by laughing, I have a special fondness for, _"Welcome to Act 2 of this building. Did you know it changes at night?"_
I like your pfp
@@bazzfromthebackground3696everything related to the portal bit was great
My favorite part is when the houses get so awful and bizarre that jello physically cannot do the bit anymore and has a genuine visceral reaction to whatever he's seeing. Really drives home the absurdity of our shared existence.
The idea that they’re all so drained by 27:40 that the word “stampled” it glossed over by everybody makes me so happy.
Jello is channeling a lot of Strong Bad/Senor Cardgage in these bits, and that's when some Coach Z got in the mix
Update on the _Terrifying Pee-wee Nightmare_ House (6150 Turret Dr): the listing for it was taken down only a few weeks after the original stream of this, and then the house was *completely* renovated before being re-listed two months later looking like an Entirely Normal House. It was sold about a month later. honestly the fact that something so nauseatingly eccentric disappeared so soon after being witnessed before reappearing as a completely blank, innocuous house just makes the whole thing even crazier. thankfully(?) the house's former appearance is still documented on a few news articles about it from when it was first listed, as well as the original owner Beth Piver's personal site. absolutely fascinating.
To me that is more baffling than anything else. Why on Earth would someone BUY an art-house like that for the sole purpose of destroying the artwork? Sure, it wasn't my style, but like, if you want a house to make your own I feel like there had to be better, less expensive options.
@@colmryan9289 to flip it to mkae more money.
@@colmryan9289 when you put it that way, perhaps someone felt a sense of duty to eliminate it. this house must've been the Dracula that some Belmont has spent his entire life searching for to kill
I'm very unnerved about that fact because that means that the black and white "FEED ME" guy is freed from his artsy prison and is gonna haunt my dreams demanding bagel bites
It came and left like a mass hallucination, or plauge of madness!
I love how Jello’s realtor is prepared for and experienced with some of the houses, but is clearly setting foot in others for the very first time.
16:07 Perfect example. "Now, this is a house that you, too, could purchase- WWWHHHUUUUU..."
Another example: 19:44 Alright. Well let's uh- head on inside! Oooooohhhh noooooo....
And he gets slowly and progressively more broken with each unfamiliar house, until he questions why he's even doing this anymore. Also i love that he's supposed to be some sort of demonic entity trying to sell them cursed houses, but even _he_ thinks some of them go too far.
@@bugjams professionals have standards, after all
@@kratangg-arangbe polite
The original zillow streams inspired a major aspect of my DnD campaign where the party could venture into this old monster infested mansion while accompanied by a ghostly realtor that can't move on until the house is sold. So glad this stream got the Dogs in Love treatment.
Stealing that idea.
I love when 90% of the houses they look at can be immediately turned into some form of horror game layout, especially the colorful ones that can almost certainly become a surrealist nightmare
I'm pretty sure horrible things have happened and been summoned in like 50% of those
Dude that candy house was literally something out of my nightmares. Or a MeowWolf art installation
The graphics are are really bad with too much bloom. And worst is the level design is twisted and makes no sense. No real person would live in a house like this. And the texture work is really lazy being single flat colors with no details. And then you have these houses for sale. Must be where all the Unity asset game developers lived.
And that one house with the H O L E looking like Zordon's about to appear out of nowhere at the most inopportune moment and tell you that Rita Repulsa has escaped.
@@withercat1801 It honestly looks like something PeeWee would have designed if he was on crystal meth.
I have rewatch the zillow streams at least three times because the sheer amount of Bits done in those videos make them feel like four hour edited videos already. I cannot WAIT to see what the proper edit does with it all
honestly couldnt have put it better myself that it barely feels like a stream lol
Oh god this is an edit of the Zillow streams?! I feel like I almost broke from how hard I was laughing watching those
I cannot wait for Baron Von Pinappeln and James Bond.
ME TOO THEY’RE SO GOOD
Same tbh
The Dampest House is the first structure to employ Pickle Technology. Brining the entire building prevents spoilage and preserves the property for up to 6 months.
Worst part it was bought
Ah, I wasn’t aware Lord Remington got into the housing business
Too bad it returned to the sea
@@Barracuda539probably by some eldritch horror like a fishman
Up to
This feels like you could make a jackbox style party game out of this on stream. Each player finds 1 house for every other player, then you all take turns trying to act as a realtor for chat, with these houses you got from everyone else and have never seen before.
Send this idea to Jackbox!
@jackthorton10 I was thinking like the Price is Right video Jello did a few years ago, but yeah. If Jackbox takes suggestions. Lol
So House Themed Blabber Round?
30:42 "You look like a man who likes ugly things" Jello said to his boyfriend 😂
The modern castle making jello drop character by being that cool is fair I’d love a home like that
The round-style library was already awesome, then Jello pointed out that the ceiling had a compass on it and it became perfect
I mean it absolutely looks like the kind of place that you need to complete resident evil style puzzles in order to get anywhere, but it honestly is cool enough that I would be willing to accept that as a downside.
@@evansageser6943 Friend: "Hey, Evan, do you mind if I grab a soda from the kitchen?" You: "Sure, but you'll need this to unlock the fridge." *[You hand your friend the Lion Medallion]* "The Tiger Medallion is in the library and the Stallion Medallion is in the garage behind Mom's Ford Fiesta. Good luck, watch out for the man-sized spiders."
I want compass ceiling
@@evansageser6943 See I LOVE Resident Evil style puzzles tho so that just makes me even more eager to live there lmao. Need to use the bathroom? sorry you gotta find the oddly specific key in the basement first and then rotate it so it fits just right
7:29 actually made me uncontrollably giggle for a solid 5 minutes. The sudden delivery on "I lied" was fucking genius.
"Are You Ready To Buy?" works so incredibly well as a punchline over and over again.
My favorite description of the realtor is that's he's like a DND realtor trying to sell a bunch of cursed guildhouses to a party
Hearing jello say color is illegal in Colorado is so funny because when you drive into Colorado "Colorful Colorado" is the first sign you see
The state government is trying to trick you
Yeah it's the last time you're allowed to see any color- they give you time to savor it
Color is regulated by the state
Not gonna lie, telling your boyfriend he looks like he loves ugly things is absolutely the most romantic thing you can do to celebrate the holidays.
16:11 I love the idea of the real estate agent walking into the house to give a tour, seeing the cieling and going "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooo.............." xD
The modern castle house was the best by a long shot. That indoor garden straight up looked like a cozy Italian courtyard where all the families have dinner parties together
My only problem is living in that house alone would get lonely as hell real quick, you’d need at least your whole immediate family to join you in your castle.
The Buoyant Abode was definitely second best if only for the price and not being damp as hell
@@sevendrills4326 Well, unless there’s any kind of flooding
@@rynemcgriffin1752 The weird thing is IIRC, those kind of houses are actually designed to float so the place flooding wouldn't be an issue....however your house drifting downriver whilst it's flooding definitely would be...
@@luketfer Well yeah, that kind of goes into the whole issue of flooding. I’d rather not be 5 miles down the river when I wake up in the morning
It’s very funny to me that the closest thing we have to an avatar for Yam is a stock image of a backflipping woman
12:16 I honestly wish more mansions were like this, the "location in a 90s first person point and click adventure game involving a long lost treasure" vibes were immaculate
I bet as soon as the person finished taking all of those pictures, Mannanan returned home from his journey and turned him into a toad
I can think of at least three puzzle locations: The light pressing against the painting, the compass library, and the organ room. The compass library in particular gives me "The one puzzle everybody gets stuck on" vibes.
@@fearanger1 They always miss the ceiling compass/clock.
Did... Did the 18 million dollar house have EIGHT BATHROOMS?! Is for when the piano repeatedly makes you shit yourself?!
7 of those are for the piano
@@wahoodotwav the whole place is. You are the piano's guest. Its slave. Its hopes and dreams are yours. All is Piano. YOU are piano.
@@optimaltt6070 Oh yeah time for an existential crisis :D
@@wooperfan584 HELL YEAH! WOO! REALITY IS DETERMINED BY THE PIANO AND OUR HOPES, DREAMS AND BEING ARE CONSTRUCTS OF ITS WHIMS! :D
@@optimaltt6070 YAAAY TRAUMA :D
I have been feeling the mood of 'god i wish I could buy a house' as of late, so this video is perfectly timed medicine for the soul
hiiiii zedrin
More like cocaine for the mind
@@I_KnowWhatYouAre ....yeah you got me
This video somehow turned me off of and onto Zillow at the exact same time, so that's fun.
When the day comes for me to buy a house… I may tend to be more.. cautious after watching this of what Home I’m taking over from the previous owner
18:15 the house in the middle of a flat NOWHERE was minecraft enough but the large single room layout of the inside sells the minecraft house even more
My favorite plot twist is that not only is the furniture fake, but ALSO the floor
Funny enough, I think it's only the floor that's fake, as the reflections and shadows of the furniture show up properly on the other floor.
4:45 Low price zillow listings are slasher horror, High price zillow listings are psychological horror.
My bet : The owner of the Plaster Igloo was someone with _very_ pathologic claustrophobia. Would make sense, especially if he lived alone.
The lip sync of Jonathon Frakes asking “did you grow up in a place?” Was perfect, excellent delivery of his catch phrase
This is Jello taking his partners on the worst (or best) horror point and click adventure except it’s not a choose your own adventure, we are stuck on a railroad towards hell in house form. Anyways, are you ready to buy?
Yellow basement or purple room has the same energy as "coffee or tea?" "Coffee" "wrong, it's tea"
When I saw the intro, my mind went straight to that meme. Amy: This is my boyfriend Jello Amy: And this is his boyfriend, Jay
Y’all are a fun trio of duos. Yam and Jello (food names), Jay and Jello (J names), Yam and Jay (three letter names)
From 17:03 to 18:30 is magnificient editing, just incredible. The "did you grow up in a place" part has lodged itself in my brain and will never, ever leave. Thank you piph0 and also I hate you and also can you teach me your ways please and thank you.
No joke, I could watch videos about this group critiquing shitty houses and pretentious mansions for the rest of eternity and I'd feel as though I'd spent my time well
I feel like Jello’s estate agent persona could sell a home in the backrooms if he tried hard enough
*in the deadpan realtor voice* "I heard you were in the market for a large living space with way too many damp corridors"
@@LiterallyNaven "are you ready to buy?" he says as the screams of tortured souls fill the corridor with their horrible medleys
Wdym these *are* in the backrooms?
As long as there are no portals or an underground house
@@memkakes1514 "Now, there is a way out of here." ... "I lied."
I've always loved Jello's deadpan tone during his "So this is Basically..." videos and hearing it nearly throughout the _entire_ video is so hilarious
I bet whoever edited this has a really cool twitch channel you can follow, probably called something like piph0.
It's like a 50% chance there
Crazy theres even possibility theres a link in description of this video
Eh, probably doesn't exist.
Love the edits ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Will there maybe be a 2nd in the future?
jello i have been stuck in a days-long depressive episode and this video had me SOBBING laughing and made me feel infinitely better, thank you so much i could literally watch an entire show of this
"Wait which country are we in" always fucking kills me
When I watch the Zillow streams, I imagine Jello is some kind of supernatural real estate agent that just uses his powers to take people to weird and houses
That’s why he’s so casual about the mysterious people, the Enderman, and the portals
YES THE ZILLOW STREAMS!!! Everytime I'm in a bad mood i return to them!
22:00 there is so much stimuli assaulting everyone that they understandably didn't notice the Barbie chandelier
Watching Jello content is so funny sometimes bc you just keep getting new lore, like I remember watching his scooby doo video where he casually dropped that he was bi, then a few videos ago he’s just like “o yeah my girlfriend” and now he’s got a boyfriend and poly, I absolutely love it
The 'exposed toilet' house got me laughing so hard I had an asthma attack. Why do people design houses like this??
Exhibitionism, babeyyyyy
Me too, I got a laughing fit so severe my mother said she had never heard me laugh so heartily in her entire life
What gets me is that he's like "if you have a loud shit everyone will hear it" Fam everyone will SMELL it, that's what I'm worried about
@@fricketyfrackgettfback but don't worry, at least the privacy screen will cover you from the waist down!
That’s only gonna cut your loss of dignity by a quarter which isn’t saying much… I’m the Glacier Wasteland surrounding the home might have knocked your sanity down a peg… but hey, could be worse :)
I like how you get to like your sixth house and the realtor just suddenly changes character and starts just really liking the house
I did not know Jay and Brendan were a thing! Good for them! Glad they celebrated valentines by suffering through the gamer torture house.
I'm a little confused. Are they a polycule?
I'm pretty sure Brendan and Yam are dating...
@@gallow_walkerit says they’re all dating at the start
@@brokenman4414i literally cannot tell if that’s a joke or not…
@@colonelstanderthey're just really committing to the bit.
Ice woman is a canon event, don't even try to change her because she'll always be in your walls waiting for the moment to peel you and turn you into bloodsauce person
I love how casually "oh, the ice woman is gone" is said and it scares everyone
HELL YEAH THE ZILLOW STREAM. Can't wait until we get to the hell harlequin dimension house.
With the candy cane enby
I'm personally rooting to see "These are the Blumps. They _may_ grow."
. . . . . wow, words!
And the migraine nightmare with the mirror ceilings and walls in the bathroom
polyamory and also bisexuality and also also realty all in one livestream!! you have outdone yourself jello
those have gotta be my favourite three things
Bisexual polyams
They really took a look at the wide variety of people in this world and said “give me one of everything”
As someone who is bisexual and considering the idea of polyamory, this whole video is amazing
@@Bulba413What's the third thing?
This is completely unrelated to the main point of the video but knowing jello is also Polyamorous (I am myself) fills me with an unfathomable amount of joy to see a content creator I follow and have been following for a while similar to me
halfway through, my defenses had been worn through. pee-wee's adult's idea of a child's fantasy home was an instant kill. i couldnt breathe. i had to pause just to recover enough to continue. subscribed.
I love how quickly the group makes bits and jokes from every picture, and how they even continue bits at almost every opportunity.
Glad to see the ice woman is doing well.
About the purple room - my dad's red/green colorblind, and so he tends to see purple as a really beautiful blue. So maybe the person who painted the walls was colorblind as well? It does look similar to the purple carpet, and probably was just as hard to sell.
I had watched this video, went to bed, and then proceeded to have a concerningly realistic dream of the second house. With every strange design choice, impossibly long hallways, and the enderman stalking me throughout the dream. There were points where I felt genuine fear that the dream bordered on a nightmare. 10/10
21:59 when He said “roll the dice,” I thought he was talking about rolling a DEX save to stay on your feet and not have difficult terrain!😂
These streams were wonderful, I've watched the first maybe five times...? The second I have three...? I'm glad this is going to a wider audience, those who decided not to watch will have their minds be blown by what they were missing out on.
I love how Jello and co. describe the listings and pictures like they’re SCPs
The day after you posted this, suddenly my sibling and I were in charge of seeing houses for an out of town friend. The coincidence is INSANE. Now that my mind has calmed down a bit, I want to show this to everyone and the realtor we've been coordinating with. If that old af church was near us, we'd totally get it. Just watched this a second time after that chaotic week, and it really lightened the process and made me smile and laugh again. I literally blanked the first viewing... Home buying is no joke
And it makes the “game of life’s” housing purchases seem sane by comparison
I have been watching Jello on KZhead for so long and so frequently that certain videos have become what I fall asleep to. Yet only today have I learnt that Jello is polyamorous. Which has brought so much joy that of all people I can relate to my favourite context creator and I didn’t even know it.
sorry i can't like this comment it has sixty nine likes thems the rules
@@fntthesmth423 you have my upmost respect
My heart soars but my souls is crying as the salesman temps me further towards the horrors
I had no idea Jello was poly!! I watched the streams, but I didn't catch that at all! When it popped up at the beginning, I spent like ten minutes just looking at that, happy squealing and kicking my legs like a teenager, lol. Genuinely so happy to see poly rep from one of my favorite creators. Especially with this stream, it's so cute, they're just having so much fun together, I adore it.
When I found out I was that happy too! I'm somewhere on the polyamorous spectrum, ambiamorous specifically, and it fills me with so joy seeing poly rep anywhere.
Ye awesome!
thought it was a bit, thats really cute.
22:30 THIS IS ZOOBLE'S CHARACTER DESIGN MADE INTO A HOUSE
She(?) Was the owner
Finally I can share these moments with friends and family without having to make them watch 3 hours of a stream (they are impatient)
Shoutouts to the ice lady and the blood gentleman
The plaster house is like placing all your furniture down for your sims in one room and only being able to afford flooring.
6:42 He sold the house to Aquaman; hbomberguy in shambles
Omg, I'm so glad this is getting polished up into a proper video. I was casually listening to this in the morning one moment and dying on the floor the next multiple times from these streams, the world simply deserves to know.
I love that all three members of the polycule have the same chaotic humor that bounces off each other seamlessly, literally poly goals
29:18 i didnt know a person could laugh-wheeze the words “shut the fuck up” like that til i saw this video
Thats an angry upvote moment
That weird six-legged stool that’s been affected by the portal at 23:39 is actually less weird when you know what they’re for - it’s actually 3 stools which pack together, one under each other (they slide out from each other), so that when you have people around you can give everyone a coffee table/footstool/whatever they’re meant for, but you only have to store one. My grandma has one :))
The best perk of polyamorous relationships is Absolutely bouncing comedy skits off of each other
Jello, thank you for all the queer content that is full of joy and acceptance and uplifting. It really warms my heart
The unknowable noise at 16:14 kills me every damn time I love these streams
That's Wario in a frog suit
WoaaaAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaaAAAA
Jello summoned a gate to TARTARUS
19:50 I love this listing because it started out as a "Yes a house! And definitely NOT a building where the mob stored their former rivals!" And then shifts into "Roller rink meets Laser Tag house!?"
I'm hoping the Blood Gentleman makes it into the video
Of course he will. He's within every video, every soul, every house
How else would they explain the Candycane Enby?
Blood Gentleman is best girl.
These streams were/are genuinely comfort streams, so I'm super excited!!
all three of them dropping the bit to gush over the castle was cute
crazy to think this video is only 3 months old. i quote it literally every day. "has No Reflection! ✨ _oooh!_ ✨" and "as opposed to *_Cool Gray ._* ',:/" have become vocal stims for me. i fear the ice woman will find me soon. send help
17:30 I can answer that! It’s a Franklin stove. It’s a metal fireplace meant to stand in the middle of a room. It’s a nice source of heat, and I suspect a popular feature of upper-middleclass households because I had one growing up. Was real convenient when there was a power outage and we wanted to be able to cook hot food.
i remember watching the unedited streams of this and almost blacked out from laughter/horror multiple times. now i can re-experience that with some nicely edited footage because the wobbly wood makes a funny noise now. great job!
Im SHOCKED the horror skeleton house wasnt featured in this. Absolutely fantastic editing. Loved the streams (tho apparently i was too tired watching the second half because boy do i not remember any of those later houses)
Thats the second stream.
I had no idea you guys were poly!! Im so happy especially bc I am polyam as well! Its so wonderful to see poly relationships in the media just casually being themselves. I love you guys and I'm so happy for yall
HOLY SHIT MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE JELLO STREAM. INSANE. I AM READY.
The Zillow Streams have been some of the funniest shit I’ve seen. I can’t wait to see this
Words cannot describe my sheer fucking joy at this video. The Zillow streams were already so fucking funny to rewatch and now you're telling me I have an easily-digested edited version with less time commitment to accidentally rewatch like 4 times in the same week??? Be still my heart
imagine going to grab a snack at 2:00 AM and seeing *the ice woman* staring upon you. eventually you'd get used to it *until she moves*
I’m excited for the piano house!
Hey, I have an irrational fear of teleporting pianos. That's not gonna be in there, right?
Oh, the one with the Quibi TV?
Aurora pfp
22:51 THE CANDY CANE ENBY
I love how genuinely happy they were with house 6, I was just as happy with it.
29:56 Are you ready to fly?
im SO happy to see this become a main channel video, if anyone watching hasn't seen the streams it's SO worth it, please god go
Have I watched the entirety of both streams multiple times? Yes. Am I going to watch this anyway? Yes.
24:06 i still just love that THIS was the house to break the eldritch horror realtor
I like to think ice woman and her friends move like the fnaf1 animatronics also the Dwelling house is missing 2 front pillars and you can see the top of the house bowing. that house should not be up for sale it is in dangerous conditions