Alcoholism, Blackouts, and Personal Responsibility

2019 ж. 23 Сәу.
18 389 Рет қаралды

Alcoholism serves several psychological purposes effectively.
This is why alcoholism is so intractable (difficult to get rid of or treat) and why recidivism is as high as 60% within the first year after rehab.
1. Palliative
Helps the alcoholic to cope with dissonance, frustration, anxiety, anger, stress, sadness, panic, and other negative emotions or mood disorders
2. Restorative
Helps the alcoholic to restore his or her self-confidence and self-esteem, also as a man or a woman (especially when coupled with a body image issue)
3. Disinhibitory
By lowering inhibitions, alcohol legitimizes narcissistic traits and behaviors like: lack of empathy, extreme selfishness, a sense of entitlement.
Allows the alcoholic to express his or her repressed promiscuity and aggression: traits that s/he find ego-dystonic (traits that s/he dislikes). Alcohol renders the alcoholic much more sociable, grandiose, and sociopathic (becomes volubly defiant, hates authority figures, engages in reckless behaviors like unprotected sex with a stranger, or compulsive shopping or gambling)
4. Instrumental
Allows the alcoholic to accomplish goals (is goal-oriented) that s/he would never even try when sober.
The drunk person during an alcohol-induced blackout is FULLY AWARE of WHAT s/he is doing, WHO s/he is doing it with, whether what s/he is doing is WRONG, and if she is HURTING loved ones with her or his promiscuity, immoral, or antisocial or even criminal acts. During the entire episode, s/he makes multiple choices and decisions based on rational analyses and emotional states. S/he is 100% in control and should be held accountable for the misbehavior.
Throughout the blackout, orientation, reasoning, a moral sense, short-term memory, and decision making are NOT IMPAIRED. They are all intact. The only thing affected is long-term memory: the next morning, the recovering alcoholic has zero recall of what has happened during the blackout.
This is why it is difficult to tell a drunk in a blackout state from a merely inebriated person or social drinker. They appear to be fully present and cognizant throughout the blackout - and they are! Motor functions are affected and there is a tendency to repeat the same sentences over and over again - but that is it.
Like narcissists, people wasted to the point of a blackout just DON'T CARE about anything or anyone but themselves: behavioral inhibitions are down (alcohol disinhibits); empathy towards one's nearest and dearest is turned off (or redirected at strangers!); a sense of invulnerability, invincibility, omnipotence and impunity sets in; the drunkard experiences attraction or even infatuation with all and sundry; and the high and the buzz of the drink compensate for any frustration, depression, stress, or anxiety with a heightened sense of well-being and with aggression.
Ironically, alcohol being a depressant, all these effects are viciously reversed on sobering up.
People - women especially - get that drunk in order to feel better about themselves and their lives, legitimize their promiscuity and cheating ("the drink did it to me and I cannot remember a thing"), and trash themselves in a bout of self-destruction.
Counselling with Sam Vaknin, or Lidija Rangelovska, or both of us - click on this link:
www.narcissistic-abuse.com/ctc...
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  • Having an alcoholic parent is hell on earth 🌏 pure torture my heart goes out to all those who have to endure the emotional abuse of these people thanks again Sam great vid

    @IIIIIIIIIIIx@IIIIIIIIIIIx5 жыл бұрын
    • It was pretty bad. Now? I am hated for saying how bad it was , by the other abused members of my family of origin.

      @rain3743@rain37434 жыл бұрын
  • Alcohol handles the individual- not the individual handling alcohol. Every single narcissist I've ever met is an alcoholic, and I've been raised in a family of narcissists, as well as had several relationships with narcissists. Of course, my own past has had a direct effect in my own personal choices- as in other persons. I was unnaturally/naturally?? attracted to narcissists, and took on the enabler role quite easily due to guilt and shame of myself- all dysfunctional relationships. I have listened to your analysis over a few years, sir. You have a very realistic, and compelling theory and research. I appreciate you and your analysis very much.

    @amyainttheone4496@amyainttheone44965 жыл бұрын
    • @@Pippin514 You're so right, Sam speaks directly, and on point. I have another friend, who is going through a situation much like yours, to this date. Sent up a prayer for your protection. Stalkers often tire, and move on- had a few of those. I pray they don't drain your energy, and that the stalkers you endure are in fact drained.

      @amyainttheone4496@amyainttheone44965 жыл бұрын
    • @@Pippin514 Oh no problem. You learned, and that's a real, tangible thing to hold fast. Express your anger in constructive ways, and sometimes that means suing.

      @amyainttheone4496@amyainttheone44965 жыл бұрын
  • Man this is hard to listen to. I can relate to so much of what is said and it disgusts me to think I use to be like this. I'm almost 10 months sober. Living the best that I can everyday being sober.

    @illwitness@illwitness4 жыл бұрын
  • Alcohol (and cocaine, speed) just makes narcissists worse.

    @wanketta@wanketta5 жыл бұрын
    • Add a little Xanax to the mix, and you get a real live MONSTER.

      @amyainttheone4496@amyainttheone44965 жыл бұрын
    • Especially when taken together 🙃

      @LizEarthAngel3@LizEarthAngel34 жыл бұрын
    • Alcohol cocaine and speed make EVERYONE worse

      @nobilitytattoo4043@nobilitytattoo4043 Жыл бұрын
  • I also think when you get drunk and black out you level the playing field and you become one with the spirit of the narcissist because the spirit of the narcissist is a jezzeble spirit you have no regard for anybody’s feelings you have no regard or empathy for what you’re doing to that person you have no regard or empathy for what your actions are doing to that person and you have no regard for whether you’re tearing them down or destroying them or wanting them to commit suicide or wanting them to feel like they’re crazy!

    @Bay539@Bay5395 жыл бұрын
    • This us true. I would love to discuss this further with someone who sees it for exactly what it is. It's no coincidence that they call booze "Spirits."

      @rain3743@rain37434 жыл бұрын
  • Omg it’s like you are speaking to My Soul!! #MINDBLOWN Man, Sam, you are like a Smokin Hot Yoda!! 🙀🙀🙀

    @jennie5103@jennie51034 жыл бұрын
  • Wow, this describes a family member. I never realized how narcissistic she was until she became an alcoholic. She also says she dosen't remember the verbal abuse she inflicts on family and friends when she is drunk. She dosen't care if she drinks in my car while I'm driving or if she brings a bottle to my house. I finally had to put my foot down. She won't get help even though her liver is affected and she has kids who depend on her. She is in denial big time.

    @bonnieirvin5793@bonnieirvin57935 жыл бұрын
  • There's another meaning to the term Brown Out and it's why I will never allow a drunk person to stay at my place ever ever again. :- /

    @StrohmaniasFlyingCircus@StrohmaniasFlyingCircus5 жыл бұрын
    • Lol!

      @0181spikri@0181spikri4 жыл бұрын
  • This is exactly what my narc wife did... got drunk at a party, drove drunk, and when she arrived at her mother's apartment she had sex with the security guard... "after being married for 28 years" and now, that I'm finally aware of this promiscuity I'm going to get evidence and when I leave her in a few days I will tell her entire family who she really is.

    @prtcgv5105@prtcgv51055 жыл бұрын
    • Do you really love her?

      @oliviaoldaker@oliviaoldaker4 жыл бұрын
    • Do you really love her?

      @oliviaoldaker@oliviaoldaker4 жыл бұрын
  • Urgh...this is my brother. Has no memory of the verbal and physical abuse he has done when drunk. When challenged about his behaviour the night before he demanded an apology for suggesting he could do such a thing. He's a low functioning alcoholic; home repossessed, 3 failed marriages, no longer sees his children, most of his family given up on him, always looking to borrow money...yet he genuinely thinks he is the most successful person ever and is surrounded by utter idiots.

    @deborahhw8030@deborahhw80305 жыл бұрын
    • Im so sorry Deborah. My middle son is all of this. He was addicted to street drugs then finally stopped that on his own without rehab. He turned to alcohol and drinks til he blacks out, cant hold a job anymore, verbally lashes out at me and all of his relatives even 2nd cousins if he can find a way to communicate with them like facebook. He is a Jekyll and Hide person. Hes fine when he is sober but look out when he drinks. He was seen by a family physician and he told the doctor that he had wanted to commit suicide and the doctor has him on Wellbutrin antidepressant. Its not enough and he needs to be seen by a psychiatrist for a true diagnosis and regular therapy with a psychologist. He keeps his wife on pins and needles as well my 2 grandchildren. Its an extremely disfunctional household. One night he pulled out a loaded gun and was walking around the house with the barrel in his mouth and my grandson witnessed this. I cringe to think what kind of affect this is having on him. My son has gotten so he cannot get along with coworkers when he has a job and he ends up walking out during his work day to never return there. Its just awful watching my son self destruct.

      @reason5591@reason55914 жыл бұрын
  • Being bought up with a narc mother this is very validating. I’m so glad you say exactly how it is. We can always refer to your videos to help explain what we experience, as it’s pretty hard to explain to others the abuse we endure. Thanks 🙏

    @simoneroyston9306@simoneroyston93064 жыл бұрын
  • Lol @ no short-term memory loss during blackouts. Conversations with my blacked-out friends are often reminiscent of those had with my grandmother in the Alzheimer’s ward. Great stuff as always, Sam

    @samvega290@samvega2905 жыл бұрын
  • Thank you.

    @michelleantoinette8027@michelleantoinette80274 жыл бұрын
  • Brilliant as usual Sam. I used to think I was James Brown when I was drunk. When in fact I was just a baldy Scottish, cheeky little bastard :) All better now though (still can't dance).

    @GS-xg4nz@GS-xg4nz4 жыл бұрын
  • My narcissistic ex-husband stopped drinking only briefly after our divorce. He had three blackouts while at work in the years prior. They were bad enough that paramedics/ambulance were called each time for him. In retrospect, I assumed his blackouts were from hypoglycemia/not drinking at work vs. drinking heavily during the daytime. He was not unfaithful, but remained sexually inhibited, never initiating sex with me, even after 20 years of marriage. He would drink on his drive home, and was angry when he arrived. On a couple of occasions, he ‘pretended’ (he said) to run over our kids and their friends on our driveway.

    @wanketta@wanketta5 жыл бұрын
  • it explains me a lot of my dad behaviour. Wehen we recalled what has hapened when he was drunk, even quite extreme situations, he simply denied everytihng, on the nex day he used to say that we are making it all up, because we, the 'bad ones' who 'conspire' against him. As a child I couldn't wrap my head around it.... When I have learned about narcissism i thought it was a kind of gaslighting, but maybe he really did not remember..... but you say that during drinking blackout alcoholic is fully aware what is he doing...so when alcoholic says 'I didn't drink anything, I'm sober, you are making it up that I'm drunk' and behavies horribly ..he is fully aware of his lies and wrongdoings, at the moment, but has his empathy and responsibility switched off so he doesn't care? It's like dealing with someone with double personality...or dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde.

    @miras2222@miras22225 жыл бұрын
    • You may wish to listen to the vid again. You did get a single thing right.

      @samvaknin@samvaknin5 жыл бұрын
  • ..so treu... watch out for this Kind of people in your live...the break you...and than..blaming shaming leaving hurting and so on..

    @dvinus@dvinus5 жыл бұрын
  • My bf blacks out and says really nasty things to me . Is this how he really feels about me but not able to say it sober?

    @suesuepake6002@suesuepake60023 жыл бұрын
    • Yes and no. The things he says have probably occurred to him while sober but might be outweighed by stronger positive thoughts or feelings. I think what's more pressing is that you're watching this video at all. If say you have bigger problems than what he really thinks of you, I'd start making a plan to safely break up with him

      @robrob6841@robrob68413 жыл бұрын
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