Why 90% Of People Feel Lost! - Warning On Money, Power, Porn, God, AI & Dating Apps | Arthur Brooks
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As simple as the idea of happiness seems on the surface, people still struggle with feeling lost, unhappy, and unfulfilled at an alarming rate.
In this thought-provoking episode of Impact Theory, Arthur Brooks and I go deep, exploring the connections between evolutionary psychology, technology, religion, and the human desire for purpose & happiness.
Arthur Brooks is a social scientist, Harvard professor, and bestselling author committed to helping people find success, happiness and deep meaning. He's a profound thought-leader in the space and recently released a book with Oprah called Build the Life You Want, The Art and Science of Getting Happier. Order a copy here: www.amazon.com/Build-Life-You...
We touch on:
- The potential of using idols for good
- Differentiating between pain and suffering
- The role of hard work, skill development, and outward focus for personal happiness
- Distinguishing between transient pleasure and true enjoyment
- Understanding your “why” and staying true to your personal values
- Man’s tendency to pursue money, power, pleasure, and fame
- Why hard work is a natural part of human happiness
- Using creativity to reach flow-state and rediscovering yourself
- The importance not allowing your views to define you
Tune into this episode of Impact Theory as Arthur walks us through the challenges faced when questioning the world and the existential search for happiness so you can take practical steps towards more fulfillment and meaning in your life.
Chapter Markers:
[0:00] Chasing the Substitutes to God
[12:38] Polarity of Values & Fear
[34:53] Pleasure vs. Fulfillment
[1:09:42] Why We’re Lost & Unhappy
[1:45:00] Dating, Love & Sex
[2:19:56] Ultimate Path to Success
[2:43:06] Simulation Creates Illusion
[3:06:27] Four Pillars to Build the Life You Want
Powerful Insights From Arthur Brooks:
“The best thing that you can possibly do is to think about the emotions that you're feeling, what they mean and how best to use them.”
“All the things we really want in life. All of our deep desires are complex. All of our solutions are complicated, and we're throwing complicated solutions at complex problems and we're not getting happier.”
“The first one is that there is meaning. You need to find it and live up to it.”
“The essence of consciousness is one that gives you incredible transcendental information, but at the same time, it programs in a whole lot of misery.”
“People who have the earliest success, the mind blowing success, they're the most likely to be unsatisfied with their lives at the end of their lives.”
“The ultimate entrepreneurial experience is to give away your heart and to take a chance, [...] Fall in love. That's entrepreneurship.”
“Humans are not intended to decline. Decline is hugely painful because happiness comes from progress. Unhappiness comes from regress.”
“The falling tide of your life looks like you're losing everything, get your line in the water, because that's the most fertile period of your life.”
“Happiness and unhappiness are not opposites. They're not. They're different experiences.”
“If you're denied the flow state that uniquely comes to you through creativity, you're gonna you're gonna be practically suicidal.”
“Love is the opposite of fear, love will actually neutralize inappropriate fear or excessive fear.”
“You can be in permanent disagreement, but in love equilibrium, we just have to be people that can do that.”
“You got to figure out which one you are and you must surround yourself with what you're not”
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2:21:06 bond with adopted child - yes, my mother found my father when I was 5. After life, he is the best gift she ever gave me. It means more to me because he chose to care for me & raise me as his own.
It was a absolute pleasure to get to hear this conversation, thank you!
I’ve recently discovered how to be humble and boy I feel super free. I genuinely don’t have any desire to compete with the ego of others. I no longer feed off the wish to please other people. Wow, I am in bliss. This conversation so resonates with me,thanks 🇬🇧🇬🇧❤️
The Creative thing resonates with me. I am autistic. Not sure if that has context but when I was young I started playing music at 8 yo. It was this freeing outlet where my mind stop racing . Only problem is I am miserable when not bringing creative. I wish I could make a living at it .
Stop caring. You will be free. Tom is entrapped in his own empire. He's not happy, and no guru clinic can fix his bad choices.
Lived that way my entire life 👍🏻🇺🇸 what other people think about you is none of your business. It’s having to look yourself in the mirror and be pleased with that is what matters. The globalists hate that theory 😂😂
I bet i'm more humble than you.
@@nairbrocope 😂😂
Oh my gawd best interview and dialogue ever I can't stop rewinding thid
During the pandemic, I was forced to be alone - like isolated, disconnected alone. I tried to learn to enjoy it but it didn’t work. Once I was able to be social again, I was able to create and plan and do. What did I gain from that experience? I no longer care about illness or death. I no longer pursue wealth. I realized there’s no reason for me to create a home. Death is the release. Death is when freedom comes. Now, I’m learning not to care about love and instead focus on being kind and detached. I want love amongst friends, family, with a partner, but I’ll get to a point where I don’t or die trying.
Isolation doesn’t affect me… isolated long before Covid… peaceful
@@elizabethdinny7894 Given the society we’ve created, you are fortunate to find peacefulness in isolation. For me, trying to find peace in isolation is like going to war with myself at a cellular level.
@@erindabney2758You answered it without knowing…? Given the society we’ve created Make your own society in your house in isolation the way you want it and love yourself ( not at the expense of others like children spouse or even pets) and you will find your peace Even if you’re “house” is a park bench with a blanket and a sandwich in a thunderstorm
Very intriguing perspective. The whole lock down scenario fucked my mind up in a way I can't explain. I've felt so alone since
This may be a life-altering podcast.
Thank you, Tom, for sharing your knowledge on Impact Theory. I've been a longtime viewer, rewatching episodes to absorb any information I may have missed initially.
Once I stopped having a normal job like all the listeners and started getting paid huge bucks to deliver one speech a week and get tons of praise I was like Ahhhhh. 😂😂😂 I’m tired of these “creatives” I’m laying flooring at my house up at 5am Saturday listening to this. The world need more people willing to do hard things that suck and less “creatives”
Laying floor can be creative. The context in which the actions are taken is what makes the difference. example: I can be angry washing dishes or I can be happy washing the dishes. Same actions - two different ways of being Being creative laying flooring Being judgmental laying flooring. Being precise laying flooring Being haphazard laying flooring The context is decisive.
You’re saying this as if it’s a choice Bro. Every mind is oriented toward particular aspects where it excels because we are reinforced with what we are good at, and by what comes naturally to us. Yes, touching grass and doing physical projects are important to include in your life, but not paramount to intellectual exercise and expression. Masterpiece homes would not be possible without the Frank Lloyd Wrights👊
This was one of the most engaging and thoughtful discussions I’ve come across lately. Loving the people with opposing views is the only way to break the toxic polarity cycle that has been engulfing our society:) I actually feel nourished after this. Great topic:)
This was one of the best interviews I've seen. Amazing big- picture perspectives and insights on human nature.
I have listened to scores of Podcasts similar to this one and have learned nothing. Everyone just dissects every little problem and just magnifies it. No more podcasts for me. After a while it just takes over real life and real living.
You have a point there. Many of these "SPIRITUAL gurus" are selling a bunch of EASY ANSWERS.
Yep, I'm 47 and I've had to work through some big challenges. The answer is simple. Sit down with your legs crossed, no distractions and observe sensations....and eat way more fruit and veg. Too many people blah blah blah and spend too much time trying to find an answer but the answer is in the silence.
But do you actively listen, take notes, and apply any relevant information, or do you passively listen in the background?
Couldn't agree more!!!!
This was funny but true … it’s just a means to find a way to waste time with motivational porn
I've been saying this for years, Tom, that I'm at my best when I'm creating!!! I'm an artist and it's my passion!! Even at work when I'm creating solutions to problems, I'm alive inside!!! And that's huge!!! (btw, new sub 😊) ~thank you!!
so the answer is: 1) love your family (even when they're annoying) 2) have real friends (not just business buddies) 3) keep improving your philosophy for life (aka, your religion) 4) love what you do for work (it must help others) ...and if you don't have any of these, that's why you feel unfulfilled and empty and nihilistic, because you got lazy to put in the effort to maintain them. Even if it sucks to make progress in all these, it's better to keep at it than to give up and die a nihilistic loner.
Thank you so much Tom for sharing this interesting conversation ❤️🙏. Happy Friday
Cheers Tom! Always great guests and love your interviewing style. You hit the right questions with offering great insight.
Wow, this one hit home. Great interview. I wasn’t realizing how much I depend on building things from my mind and putting them into reality, and the out-of-sync/devastation it causes me when I’m not doing those activities🤯
Fantastic conversation! Thank you both
Another fun one Tom, thank you!
We as a nation are "killing" others with our values. The need to dominate is profoundly narcissistic, so we are a narcissist nation. How to change the polarity, that's the big question.
Christianity, capitalism, fascism have led us here.
Putin and Russian interference may finally Unite us.
It's all from the media!!!
Day 1 Impact Theory fan and follower here! THIS conversation was truly special, thank you.
Tom, excellent interviews lately.... This guest and J Peterson.... thanks so much for bringing them to us.
This guest sounds like a student of Jordan Peterson. Existentialism.
Really resonated with the spread and share love to fight fear and hate. I have a problem with hating on people who don’t see and try to fix their own inadequacies… esp when they cause further problems for others around them or who victimize themselves and never taking accountability. Great conversation. I really hope people embrace communication and meaningful discussion instead causing further tension and animosity towards each other. One thing that I find really important is self reflection. Tom, I really agree with how self critical you are… how you question yourself and honest with yourself and making sure if you are wrong, you accept it. This was the most important to my growth and success.
Love each other. This is the answer
Wow, I resonate with this so much...I'm currently writing a book about self-discovery, personal development, and lifestyle design. I've written 41 of 50 chapters so far and wold love it if Tom might be one of my reviewers.
It's important that schooling fosters a Love for Learning. It creates a forever ocean of possibility to dive into, in our lone moments in life. Todays giant global library is a treat for sure. Music is also a life key, where language can disappear or tell a tale. Enlightening talk, ty
Kudos, You brought me back to Jean-Paul Sartre, 'God is Dead', and Joseph Campbell's, 'The Power of Myth' when I started my search for identity. The clarity of your discussion is profound.
Love this interview.
This was a wonderful interview. Thank you Tom
I was curious about why nobody commented on andra moorea on Facebook follow-up. It sounded perfect at first then it changed everything we discussed now i earn good money .
As always a wealth of knowledge
This was very enjoyable. Both men are highly intelligent & enjoyed covering lots of ground together.
Beautiful soul Arthur Brooks
Spot Spot On. Lose pride, gain humility, identify who you are and be authentic - and you will be in a state greater than "happy". It's so simple. I believe the biggest thing that gets in the way is pride. Pretty much all of the other bad stuff can be grouped under that.
Hands down best talk I've ever heard on your Show Tom. This is modern philosophy
Brilliant!! Impressed by the breadth of topics touched: Hedonic treadmill. Bad action, will: "Rob you of energy." "Turn potential into skill set. "
Very interesting conversation a quarter through
Arthur Brooks really hits home with the differentiation between pain and suffering. Entrepreneurs often confuse the two, but understanding that pain can be a growth catalyst while suffering is often self-imposed can transform the way we approach challenges in business. It's all about leveraging discomfort to fuel progress rather than letting it spiral into something that holds us back.
Love this channel. Always stimulating. Does Tom have a recommended book list somewhere?
Amazing and fantastic evolution physchology explanation
I great, insightful, conversation. Thank you!
I was curious about why nobody commented on andra moorea on Facebook follow-up. It sounded perfect at first then it changed everything we discussed now i earn good money .
Great discussions. Thank you
I was curious about why nobody commented on andra moorea on Facebook follow-up. It sounded perfect at first then it changed everything we discussed now i earn good money .
We aren’t in a prison. We have TOO MUCH freedom, which is why we feel like we are in a prison.
Don't worry, freedom will be a thing of the past.
Not too much freedom. Too little honor and self-discipline.
Love me some Arthur Brooks!
I was not interested in this by the title, but something made me click on it. Sooo fascinating. So much good stuff to think about
Congrats Tom!! Thank God there are podcasts like yours so we can follow and make reasonable and be aligned , ( so we don’t feel as intellectual minorities , in this world…. that we did everything worldwide to throw on the rocks… I mean the whole western world.. so it’s a nice relief we can share our ideas and thoughts with podcasts like this! Greetings from Greece❤
This gentleman is almost right, but fear is not the opposite of love! There's something else that is opposite to love that causes fear!
Yeah you can hate without fearing your enemy.
@@byronfoppola8676 It is not hate either!
The absence of love?
@@jenniferhoffman1973 It took me 40 years to understand this! This one thing explains the whole pattern of behavior of all mankind that ever existed in face of this earth! In fact people doesn't correctly understand what love really is and that's why they can't pinpoint what the opposite of love is either! Once a person understand who love is than they can understand who they are, what they should become, why the world is the way it is and why the obvious hope for mankind is rejected and why we will one day self destroy!
@@user-lm4yp4cq4t This is not about your truth or my truth! This is about the actual truth. This shows me that you as well don't know what love really is like 99.9% of the world.
Deep content good show.
I read from a book,( not the whole book)- guy sed when we are hired to rescue a failing company- have a huddle-up, find out who is saying “it will never work” and fire them .
Thank you❤
So great to hear two men from the same cities as I am make it. I spent my early years at Karshner elementary school in Puyallup and my middle school and high school years at Washington high in parkland. So awesome!
cheers for such guests.. i dont agree with everything anyone says, but ty for getting good folk.
"You know in your heart it's true". Perfectly delivered subtle shame for not agreeing. Reminds me of a quote from the book Going Nuclear: "Advertisers have known for a long time that no audience is easier to gull (deceive) than one that is smugly confident of its own sophistication." Feels similar to religious or even current political rhetoric, ideally and more successfully incepted when effective music for emotional priming is used.
Enjoyed that idol part❤
I love all y’all! 💜
I feel happy while listening to this podcast.
The part where they talk about love and marriage, they are so sync up like 2 girls talking about their favorite Barbie
"Mother Nature doesn't care if you're happy"
I have an 8th grade education but I feel like a real intellectual when I watch this show and similar ones
School isn't the only way to get knowledge. 😊
Fabián, muchas gracias por ser auténtico y por compartir está información tan valiosa con nosotros, tu comunidad Saludos desde México 👋🇲🇽
God bless Arthur Brooks
Successful people talking about how wonderful it is to be successful. Really useful. This is not how I generally feel (cynical, sarcastic), but this is how I felt just before I wrote the comment. So something is going on, with me or them in the video above.
(1) the id, operating on the pleasure principle generally within the unconscious; (2) the ego, operating on the reality principle within the conscious realm; and (3) the superego, operating on the morality principle at all levels of consciousness. The interplay of these personality structures generates anxiety that must be reduced through various defense mechanisms. These mechanisms act to obscure the true, anxiety-laden reasons for one’s behavior. Happiness is not required for survival.
That always seems weird to me. You can be happy and anxious at the same time. You can be on a date with somebody you really like, feel really anxious and really happy at the same time. The two emotions are not mutually exclusive. If you are miserable you will probably engage in destructive behavior. I can be anxious because I want to get stuff done, but I am happy at the same time because I am utilizing my potential and providing happiness for those who I care about. It's that simple.
Great interview, I will like Tom to count how many times he use the word I
First 3 minutes and my mind is already blown. Crazy.
Amazing talk. I feel like shit cause i'm absoluteley lost carreer wise... All over the place and nowhere at the same time, at 29 years 🤯
“Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. ” ― Robert A. Heinlein
Liberal literally means "Freedom". Nice try, but you failed. Conseravtives, fascists,, same thing want complete control.
Hmmm. That's very interesting. First I've heard the "tags" categorized in such a way.
Ego has a multitude of desires, so to suggest identiying the egocentric behaviour by the ego is part of the trap. Know Thyself, Self Knowledge via Self Inquiry without seeking answers is the key to Freedom, aka Critical Thinking.. look inwardly. Namaste 🙏
16:00 mins in. Love and fear. Analogy of what I’m thinking? When I suggest to strangers singer Angelina Jordan, it’s a “gift of happiness” bc when most listen to her, ur in the present, not the past nor the future, a state of happiness. Any emotion is the release of fear and pain! 🤜
This episode has been one of the most insightful ones I've heard. Top 10 for sure. There is some pessimistic energy in the comments, but I just wanted to let people know that what's discussed here is, based on my personal feeling and logic, very close to the truth
Nice title on the thumbnail!!
Part 2 pls..
You have to know and care about something to love it! You have to know and care about something to hate it! Fear, however, can be faceless and unknown!
A lot of podcasters talk about how successful they are. Not trained journalists either but still have very interesting guests.
The only thing about succumbing to everything your other person wants and thinks is that a lot of times it’s not genuine it’s just to please the other person and that’s not being authentic. Maybe letting the other person grow and you don’t have to agree with them, but allowing them. I was in a relationship where the other person did these things you’re talking about but they agreed with everything I said wanted to do everything I did because they loved me, but that only held up for so long until they couldn’t hold that anymore.
The book "FLOW" was descriptive but NOT prescriptive, in other words it gave great examples of people and their flow state in action but nothing about how to get to the flow state.
I love this podcast, and I respect Tom’s intellect very very much! That being said, I keep on hearing him say money, will not make a difference in your happiness or self-esteem🤔 this is completely wrong and I know from my own experience of having money and of having lost that security. Yes, it’s true. Money is not the only thing you need to live in Harmaney and find happiness. Self discovery creativity. These things are important. Yes It sucks when people treat you different when you have money but the alternative to the hardships of poverty is in no way comparable . I think it’s very frustrating for people who have to struggle harder than others to accomplish success when they hear someone say these things. This is why I had to make this comment. Other than that I have learned so much from this podcast and have so much appreciation for all Tom’s guests, and Tom in particularly is a genuine, beautiful spirit.
Tom is into porn and the look on his wife’s face when they discussed it was hard to watch even though she claimed it “didn’t bother” her. That selfish behavior is entitled, childish and downright creepy. Today’s porn is very angry, demeaning and borderline violent. Thankfully many men are agreeing and voicing how damaging porn is to a relationship (Gabor Mate, etc.). It’s shocking that Tom doesn’t get this.
2:48:54 Meaning is like what is the meaning of the dancing itself? Nothing but the experience of it. We are like a medium in psychical reality to render out what's already in the spirit world. This is the plane of demonstration of what's already there. And in the eternal now it's all changing forever...
12:27 so true
I really need to be in line with my own values
There are ups and downs in everyone's life. I feel sad sometimes but other times I feel fine and positive about life. So I dont think most people are unhappy all the time. Of course, an exception has to be made for people with terminal disease like cancer.
When I was an evangelical, we believed that prayer was speaking to God, and meditation was listening to God.
Not if you're surrounded by assholes who want to feel like they have more than you. People apparently enjoy your unhappiness and want others to be in pain and suffering... so idk man. Sounds pretty, but some of us already tried your theory. It dont work everywhere
1:19:28 The best thing about having money is that you are fully in control who you surround yourself with.
Can you do a 20 minute highlights.,who’s got 3 hours?
I lower my own values when l was living in so much turmoil now l got one year soberity l didn't know l was going to make it this far
I was curious about why nobody commented on andra moorea on Facebook follow-up. It sounded perfect at first then it changed everything we discussed now i earn good money .
The lost feeling is the back end of the psychotic mind ,the reverse entree to the universe
Tom, what’s up with the re uploaded interviews? We want new content.
Happiness, human contentment is largely dependent on CHOICES made before, during and after our lives AND secondly on LUCK(right place, right time and right people). The rest is wishful thinking. The Divine has already given us all the power to live out our best lives. Let's take full responsibility for our fortune/misfortune.
2:40:08 There is an order behind all disorder, we can call it unpredictable order.
100% need love. 51 & never felt loved by anyone, including by family ! Just don't give me that hippie fake love at a distance. Love to my face, then turn around and forget! Don't need it
2:13:00 roughly. Man, they need to date for atleast a year to see the person in every season, then engaged for a year to go through it again while planning something big and stressful.
God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness to us all. Even as we are faced with our toughest battles God is there for us. That’s why I keep faith as I struggle to provide for my children. I’m a single mom. Both of my sons are special needs. I started homeschooling them so my hours to work are limited. As I struggle to buy groceries and as I struggle to pay my rent I know God is with me. He’s the only reason why I made it this far. Lord continue to keep us safe.
💜💜💜💜🌹
God bless you Mama!!! You truly are a example of God's goodness!!! Thank you for sharing your struggles!!!
Great statement about having more money: "your wife won't love you more"
The Brooks Institute,reminds me of the Brookings-
what he said at 1:55.30 is sooooo real
Is this a repeat episode, I've seen this before.
2:29:07 It is hard to convince others you are not delusional or lying but all you have is faith.
Im interested in your field.... will i ever be able to apply it? Nope.... apparently its more profitable to mock those who take action, and use them as scapegoats.
Money power pleasure fame, garden grandma guitar generosity!
I have to say that sometimes I get irritated with Tom and I don't always agree but I love his counterpoints in the very beginning of this video, absolutely on spot at least for me
Pleasure principle